Surrender

Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating | Warning: Explicit - 18+ ONLY | Smut - Oral sex (f receiving). Vaginal sex. Mentions of trauma. Angst. Yearning. Smoking.

Word Count:3,232

A/N: I wanted to expand on a little memoirs piece I had posted some months back, feeling like I needed to see this moment in it’s entirety. For all those craving an angsty man like I do.

The air was suddenly heavy and quiet, the sound of your combined breathing filled the space between you. You stood still, silently waiting for him to catch his breath as he leaned against your door. You look him over, your eyes wide with concern. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway down his chest, hair disheveled, and smelling of whiskey and smoke.

“It’s late. Are you okay?” You asked as your adrenaline started to pulse in your veins. He licked and bit his bottom lip, desperately trying to find his words. Placing his hands on his hips, his eyes fell to the floor. You stepped closer to him and placed your hands on his shoulders, anxiety building within you.

“What happened?” You urgently pleaded, ducking your head to try and catch his gaze.

His eyes meet yours, lingering for a moment – the warm, deep pools were an overwhelming comfort to him. Why he aimlessly arrived at your door so late at night, had suddenly become clear to him. Reaching a hand to the back of your neck, he quickly pulled your lips to his. His other hand moving to your hip, tugging your body crushingly close.

For you, this was foreign territory with Javier, but you sense a level of urgency in his kiss. For over a year you’ve watched him from across the makeshift office at the embassy. You always knew he was at a constant battle with his demons; disappearing at the end of each day, into the shadows of the night to meet with even shadowier individuals.

Some nights you would hear the clink of his keys echoing in the hall, as he would arrive back to his apartment door in the late hours of the night. It filled you with dread knowing he was struggling, wishing you could help sooth him in any way, as you knew the feeling all too well.

That’s what life in the DEA would do to you, but for Javier it was much more than that. And while you’ve learned to deal with your stress in therapy, it was no secret of Javier’s many liaisons with informants. Mixing business with pleasure.

Secretly, you had imagined it before. What he would taste like on your lips. What he would feel like pressed against your body. But deep down you knew; you told yourself that you would be no different than the rest. That you are no different. “Javi.” You chided, breaking away from his lips.

When your eyes met his again, they were glassy and threatening to break the man standing in front of you. This man who had always seemed so steady and indestructible, was replaced by a completely different person within a frame of a kiss. Now, he could have been mistaken for a lost child.

You knew. This facet was something he did not let others see.

You reached your hands to either side of his face, gently brushing his cheekbones with the pads of your thumbs. Your eyes desperately searching his for an answer. “I’m…fucking tired.” He sighed, almost a whisper.

“I know.” Your voice cracked, sweeping his hair behind his ear. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. “I…” He whispered into your palm, gently planting a kiss.

Wishing to hold his pieces together, you wrapped your arms around him, resting his head on your shoulder and brushing the hair at the nape of his neck.

He paused momentarily, uncomfortable with this moment of vulnerability, but your warmth was irresistibly soothing. His arms snaked around your waist, holding you tight. “Por favor…”He pleaded to himself, whispering into the nape of your neck. You met his gaze once more, but his words again failed him.

No matter how much he struggled, you understood. You saw it in his eyes. You heard it in his voice.

You gently held his face and slowly leaned into him, softly kissed him once and hovered above his lips.

“No eres sólo tú. Yo también necesito esto.”You whispered, brushing your lips against his.
[It’s not just you. I need this too.]

Javier stilled, mentally registering every word, his only movement is a slight tightened grip on your waist. You brushed your nose against his, looking into his eyes and searching for any sign that you misread the situation. All you find in his eyes is residual pain.

You slowly kissed him again, trying desperately to shake your own insecurities. His kiss began hesitantly, but quickly he lost himself in you; your tenderness pulling him in deeper.

The tip of his tongue glided along your bottom lip, desperately seeking more of you and you met him with matched fervor. He sighed into your mouth, sending a jolt through your body and straight to your core. Javier began to trail kisses along your jaw, slowly coming to a pause at your pulse point.

You gasped at the sensation - his mustache brushing against your skin, the gentle suction of his lips, his soft panting against your ear. Sliding one hand down your waist, your breath hitched as he grabbed your ass, pushing you against his growing erection. A moan escaped your lips.

Your back against the wall, you made quick work of the remaining buttons of his shirt, sliding your hands across his shoulders underneath and gently pushing his shirt to the floor.

You couldn’t help but take in the sight before you - the broadness of this shoulders; the definition of his arms; how the ruggedness of this hands were now gentle, tugging at the hem of your shirt.

You raised your arms above your head as he lifted the hem, pulling the shirt from your body. He stepped closer to you, slowly dipping his head to place a kiss on your shoulder and then your neck.

Javier’s hands fell on your rib cage, his fingertips ghosting over your side, trailing the delicate lace that covered your breasts. He circled his thumb over your pebbled nipples, his tongue dancing with yours. You arched into his touch, every inch of your skin begging for more.

He could taste your eagerness on your tongue, loving watching these new ways your body moved. He had often caught himself watching you while at the office and how poised you were in your environment.

You moved with confidence; your presence commanded a room. Your mind was always laser-focused, sure of the decisions you made for your team. He had found your quick wit a worthy opponent, often leading him to find any opportunity to talk to you.

Over the years, you two had become close, and yet…he still didn’t know much about you. You were passionate and driven, and somewhere he sensed vulnerability, but it was never something you seem to let slip.

Typically, it was what he preferred of everyone in his life, but oh how the curiosity burned within him. You were sexy in every way and now, you were pressed yourself against him.

This sight before him, the little sounds you made, your coaxing touch - he dared himself to believe that only a select few have had the privilege of experiencing. And you were choosing him.

Lost in thought, he was brought back to the moment at your sure hands sliding down his chest to cup the bulge in his jeans. A small groan escaped his lips while a sly smile played on yours. “Come…” You whispered against his lips, your finger hooked in his belt loop, leading him to your bedroom.

—

“What do you need, Javi?” You whispered, meeting his gaze in the darkened room. Your fingers already working to undo his belt and unbutton his jeans, as you slipped your palm around him. His eyes closed and he sighed at your touch. When he opened his eyes again, they were searching yours.

Where your brief flash of confidence danced, was now silenced by his penetrating gaze, shattering your veneer. Instantly, you are brought back to the reality of the man standing in front of you…and how long you’ve wanted him.

Your heart stuttered and you tried to count how many breaths had passed as you waited for him to respond. He simply pressed his lips to yours, and resting his hand on the small of your back, walking you backward to your bed.

You felt the gentle glow of heat radiating off of his body as he hovered above you. It was irresistible. On their own volition, your legs hooked onto his hips, pressing your own heat against his dick. The slight pressure sent a jolt through your body, whimpering into his mouth.

“Easy, hermosa.” He purred, pressing your arm above your head, trailing kisses down the length of your body, his fingertips delicately tracing in the wake. His kiss lingered on the waist band of your pants, slowly hooking his capable fingers and pulling them off your legs along with your panties.

You closed your eyes and bit your lip. The anticipation was beautifully agonizing. Your body writhing, knowing he was watching every inch of you in the dim room.

The feeling of his arms snaking around your legs, spreading you open, jolted you from your fantasy. His tongue dragged along the length of your sex, the hum of his moan reverberating on your clit. “Oh, fuck. Javi, yes.” You hiss beneath him.

Flicking his tongue over your clit rhythmically, his fingers gently stroking your folds and pressing through your slick heat. Your hands tangled in his dark locks, gently tugging and caressing; finding any opportunity to rock against his mouth. Met with resistance, his arm anchored you to the bed. You were completely at his mercy.

You felt the intensity build within you, flexing your hips as his tongue moved within you. “You’re gonna cum for me, huh? Cum for me, baby.” He panted against you, suctioning his lips to your clit, as he curled is fingers, adding pressure to the sweet spot within you.

This combined movement was enough, but it was his command that sent you over the edge. That baritone voice you’d heard every day, speaking monotonously about work, you had committed to memory.

So often you had heard it echoing in the late hours of the night with your hand between your thighs, but there was something so surreal about this moment as this new tone touched your ears.

Your body began shaking beneath him, flashing lights filling your vision behind your eyes, as you cried out your release. “That’s it, baby.” He cooed as he continued to drag his fingers within you, enjoying the feeling of you fluttering around his fingers. Imaging you soaking his cock.

He watched your writhe in the faint moonlight filtering through the slatted window. Eyes closed, back arched, every muscle in your body tensed - you were absolutely breathtaking. From somewhere deep within him, something craved more.

You laid your hand on your chest, feeling the erratic beat of your heart, as you tried to calm your breathing. From somewhere in the room, you heard a rip and crinkling of the packet he brought with him. It sounded so far away against the faintness of your conscious. Before long, you felt movement on the bed. Javier’s lips melded to yours, hovering above you, coaxing your tongue to meet his.

“Fuck me.” You whispered against his lips, “Please fuck me, Javi.” Hearing the need in your voice, seeing the way your lips moved around the words, feeling the grip of your hands on his back - his cock twitched at the request, feeling a primal urge take over his mind.

He took himself in his hand and notched against your folds, gently pressing into you. The stretch was irresistible, you couldn’t help but gasp against his lips, pulling your body as close to his as possible. “Fuck. You’re so tight.” He hissed against your mouth.

Slowly pushing, small grunts filling your ears until he bottomed out, taking in your enveloped warmth. You hooked your legs around his hips, your fingers tangling in his hair. “Move. Ah! Please move.” You pled, a slight smile playing in the corner of your lips.

He gently pulled out, never fully leaving you and surged forward, hitting the soft spongey deep within you. “Yes!” You cried out, as you slowly rocked your hips. A smile played on his lips at your movement against him, as he began to find pace with you, picking up speed as he snapped his hips into you. His free hand caressing your body. His normally rough, calloused hands sent shivers along your skin.

Brushing his lips against your neck as he drove into you, you felt his breath against your skin as he whispered his seduction in his mother tongue. Your overstimulated mind finding it difficult to hear his words.
“Dime cómo lo quieres. Tell me.”
[“Tell me how you want it.”]

You tilted your hips, changing the angle until you felt him brush up against the spot within you, sending another jolt through your body. Javier felt you, the way your hips made you feel tighter around him, moaning as he moved above you.

“There. Ah! Just like that.” You urged him.

Javier slid his hand under you, holding the small of your back and drove into you. “Touch yourself. C’mon, baby. Give it to me again.” He groaned.

You slid your hand between you, circling your bundle of nerves in time with him. “Javi!” You cried, as the slightest pressure sent a shock that rippled through your body, clutching onto his body and gushing around him. Javier stuttered, feeling you clamp around his cock he quickly continued his pace, fucking you through your high and chasing his own.

You felt him still above you, moaning your name. You grabbed on to his ass, pulling him deeper within you as you rocked your hips against him, humming in contentment against his ear.

Javier placed a kiss at the hollow of your neck, panting out the anxiety from his body. Bringing his lips to yours, he kissed you - deep and slow - before gently pulling out of you and laying on his back.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this, though he couldn’t really pin point what he was feeling. Even with his regular trysts, he couldn’t recall this. Javier could only attribute it to wanting you for so long, but never being able to have you.

You sat yourself up, pressing your back against your headboard, clutching the sheet over your chest. You chewed the inside of your cheek, staring blankly at the foot of the bed as you tried to sort through your battling thoughts.

Javier seemed to be lost in thought as well, staring at the ceiling and rubbing the tip of his thumb over his eyebrow. You felt the impending dread of your decision starting to creep in.

You had thought you were merely attracted to this man, but after tonight you were confident you deeply cared for him. You had always been so diligent at keeping your personal life and work separate. You had worked too hard to have your reputation compromised by a rash decision.

But the truth was, in Colombia, you didn’t have much of a life. The job was your life for two years. Everything that seemed personal was all back home in the states and it was all wearing on you. Were you capable of putting feelings aside?

So here you were. Full circle. That’s all that this was. Stress relief. A fleeting moment of comfort to keep your sanity intact. And Javier’s too.

At that moment, Javier shifted off the bed and pulled off the condom, carefully tying it off as he made his way into your bathroom.

“We should just keep tonight between us.” You sighed.

“You think I would tell the office?” His question echoed off the tile.

His naked figure walked across your room, retrieving his jeans from the floor and pulled them on, leaving them unbuttoned. He pulled out the box of cigarettes hidden in his back pocket, holding one up - a silent request to smoke it.

“In your own way.” You replied with a glint of humor and nodding, “Subtly isn’t one of your strong suits when it comes to the ladies.”

Javier knew you were right. After tonight, he knew there was no way he could look at you the same way again. After hearing you moan his name. Now that he’s tasted you. Feeling how you reacted to his body. Wondering what else he could do to you.

Lighting the cigarette between his lips, he took a deep pull, the amber tip vaguely illuminating the structure of his face. He also knew that his partner, Steve, would pick up on the change in his mood. That last part gave him a moment of doubt - how good of a liar was he?

“Between us” He promised, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed, his hand slowly gliding up your thigh and toward the crease of your hip. “…but it’s going to be even more difficult concentrating on anything with you around.”

His honeyed words hit your core, filling your mind with visions of you pressed against shelving in the various records room. Slipping his hand in your panties. His thick fingers rubbing gentle circles over your clit. Or you pulling him out of his slacks and kneeling in front of him.

And just like that, your pulse started to race. You shook your head in an effort to clear your mind.

“I’m sure finding another distraction won’t be difficult.” You replied as cooly as you could. Javier chuckled low and dark, taking another drag. He watch the plume smoke delicately dance and dissipate into the air between you.

You watched him in his silent thought, imagining what he looked like before all of this.

Wishing you could bring the light back.

Maybe you could.

With a small sigh, you sat next to him on the edge of your bed. His eyes met yours, both of you searching for something you hoped to see. You carded your fingers through his hair, brushing it behind his ear once more. Ignoring deep ache in your heart, trying to convince yourself it would be the last time. His eyes seeming to soften at your touch.

Instead you smirked, pushed back your tousled hair from your face and reached for the cigarette between his fingers. You brought it to your lips and inhaled deep. The heat filled your lungs in the vain hope it would burn away your doubt. Exhaling through your nose, you replaced the cigarette between his fingers, your eyes falling back to his.

But he never stopped watching you, taking in the way your tongue moved against your bottom lip and how your downcast eyes never gave away a single thing.

You leaned forward, ghosting your lips over his and placing a soft kiss in the center of his lower lip that held the pout you loved so much. You ran the pad of your thumb over your kiss, his lips slacked under your touch.

“But maybe I just want to be yours.” You spoke, just above a whisper.

Standing, you walked into your bathroom, closing the door behind you. You knew he wouldn’t stay.

And as much as you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, you couldn’t bare to watch him go.

………

Tags:@babybelou@pascalsky@ayamenimthiriel