You sat on the floor, your back against the wall and your legs thrown over Jackson’s lap. He was animatedly talking about something you weren’t paying much attention to with Youngjae when he walked in. Jackson looked to you when he felt your legs tense then his eyes followed yours to the man at the door. Jinyoung stood there, a smile evident on his face despite the mask covering the bottom half and floppy bangs on his forehead.
Jackson turned to you, “You knew he was going to be here. It’s fine, just relax mama. I’m not leaving you.” He gave you a soft smile and squeezed your knee before turning back to Youngjae and continuing their conversation. Doing as your friend suggested you settled back, getting comfortable once again before closing your eyes. You knew he would be here, he should have assumed you would be here. This was important. One of the last times everyone would be together before Jackson left for China, Mark for LA and you for wherever the wanderlust took you.
You had been friends with Jackson for years, meeting at AIS: Hong Kong when your father’s company moved you there as a kid. When he left you for Seoul you had been devastated but you two always stayed in touch. So much so that both of your parents thought for sure you two were developing feelings for one another. It never happened, attempted yes but nothing came of it. The two of you were too close, meeting at the time when you were your most awkward, that’s all you saw in each other.
What happened instead was you fell, stupidly hard, for one of his bandmates. You’d known them all for almost as long as Jackson had known them. He’d made sure to tell you about them before introducing you when you would come to visit. It all started fine but the more you got to know them, the more you realized not all of them invoked that familial feeling like you had with Jackson. One just so happened to check almost all the boxes for what you liked and damn it, if you didn’t have bad luck you’d have no luck at all. Of course the one you fall for is Park Jinyoung himself.
You could tell when his eyes landed on you in your little corner, the atmosphere in the room shifted. It was too hot and too cold all at once, the pressure of his gaze crushing your chest. You opened your eyes slowly, schooling your features into a smile–bright and inviting, but not too cold or too warm.
Sometimes I wish you knew But I disguise the truth I say I’m happy but I’m still stuck on us mmm-mm
You hadn’t seen him in the flesh since the last blow up that led to your break up. You thought you were ready but seeing him just tossed you in a spin. Your heart is screaming go to him, he looks so warm and soft but your mind knows better. Knows all about the burning acidic bite of his words like bile on your tongue. You can’t make a scene. Not tonight, tonight is about the boys going on to do what the naysayers said they couldn’t.
Jinyoung’s smile matches your own, never reaching his eyes as he nods to you before setting his bag down. His mask comes off and fingers go to his hair as he turns to Jaebum. He’s irritated, no one would notice but you know the signs. The tightness in his back and shoulders is evidence to the irritation.
“Maybe I should go,” you whisper to Jackson after pulling his sleeve to get his attention. He looks from you to Jinyoung again before looking back at you. He was thinking of how to fix it, how to make it better. He had to figure out how to make it work. “It’s fine Son, this is important for you all. I can always pop into LA and see Mark, I’m not selling my place here and we’ll see each other whenever possible in Hong Kong. I owe your mom dinner,” you smile at him as you rest your hand on his forearm.
Jackson didn’t like this but he wasn’t going to force you into a situation you would be uncomfortable in. He had hoped against hoping this would work, he could have his family together without it being any animosity or pain. It’s too soon, he sees that now. “Fine, but I’m walking you out.” He makes a move to get up before you stop him, putting more weight on your legs so he can’t move them.
“You stay with your brothers, I’m a big girl.” You stand and grab your jacket before saying your goodbyes. The boys, minus Jinyoung, make it known how unhappy they are with your leaving early but the way they look from you to your ex makes it known, they get it. You’re both too stubborn to admit it but they can see the pain there. As you finish saying goodbye to BamBam and congratulating Yugyeom one last time you are swept up in a hug by Mark.
He was the one you worried about the most and the least. He was going home to friends and family but you told him that no matter what, you were always ready to fly out and beat some ass for him before giving him an obnoxious kiss to the cheek and leaving the room.
You only made it a few steps down the hall when you had to stop. Leaning against the wall you let your head fall back as you take some deep breaths to calm yourself. Crying was useless and this was not the time, you were so wrapped up in your thoughts you didn’t even notice someone had followed you out. Lowering your head you opened your eyes to see two dark ones gazing at you from across the hall.
“Jesus Jinyoung,” you grabbed your chest “you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?” He didn’t say anything, just looked at you.
See you face to face I’m thinking about the days we used to be But I can’t make a scene But I can’t make it seem Like I want you
“I wanted to make sure you got a taxi safely,” he spoke so lowly you barely heard him. You would have never known he was talking if you hadn’t watched his lips move. Nodding you stood from the wall and smiled at him again–controlled and soft, don’t show any emotion.
“Thank you but I’m fine, don’t let me be the reason you miss out,” you bow slightly before walking away. You make it a few steps before he grabs your wrist, he drops it like you burned him when you look down at where his hand is on you.
“I guess it’s overdue,” he started softly. “Tell me your point of view. Tell me, am I to blame?” He looked at you as if he didn’t know the answer to this, like he wasn’t aware of what was the end for you.
You laughed bitterly, shocking you both. “You’re so good with change. I’ve never been okay with it, Sonny used to tease me for it when we met. But you, you adapt and forget. That was the problem Jinyoung, you adapted to your new path and forgot about me.” You turned around fully and crossed your arms over your chest, holding yourself.
You think back to that night where you gave up on the relationship. It was dead, you both knew it but you refused to give up. You had made plans, he was done with his latest project so you would celebrate together. “A table set for two. You left me waiting but you never showed. I was tired of being the afterthought Jinyoung. I thought I was good, I’m not over you and I know that but I thought I could at least be in a room with you but—”
See you face to face I’m thinking about the days we used to be But I can’t make a scene But I can’t make it seem
“I tried to be patient. I wanted and still want all the glory and recognition for you and I’m not selfish enough to ask you to give it all up for me.” Jinyoung stepped closer but stopped short when you shook your head and took two steps back. “There’s no reason to believe that I can save us then or now. Sometimes I really wonder,” you look up at him with tears threatening to fall. “Did you ever love me or was I just convenient because I was there? If you really love me, say it now.” You both stood there, the silence of the hall thunderous between the two of you. You scoff as the first tear falls as you turn to leave.
Jinyoung knew he should move but he couldn’t? He was frozen, he loved you and he knew he said it to
you but he can’t remember if he ever showed you. How could he be so stupid and here you are, walking out of his life again. He doesn’t know how many steps he took before he crashed into you, wrapping his arms around you. “Why is it so hard to figure out?” He turned you around in his arms, palms of his hands covering your tear stained cheeks. “I need you everyday,” he positioned your head so you had to look him in the eyes.
Summary: The first ‘I love you’ should be special…right?
Warnings:None
“I love you.” Those three simple words have shaken Jinyoung to his core. Sure, he loves you and knows you love him, but Jinyoung is a man of tradition. The first ‘I love you’ should be a special moment, romantic and sweet. Not in the middle of doing laundry.
“You…don’t have to say it back.” Your quiet voice brings Jinyoung out of his thoughts. “I just wanted to tell you tha–”
Jinyoung cuts you off, pressing his lips to yours feverishly. “I love you too.” His words are rushed, but his voice carries them thick with emotion, and you smile at him and wrap your arms around his neck to kiss him once more.
Just as he leans in for a third kiss, however you pause. “I’m sorry I messed up your ‘First-I-Love-U-Dinner plan,” you muse.
His grip tightens on your waist. “How did you find out?” He’s almost dreading the answer.
You shrug. “Jackson told me.” Jinyoung’s eyes narrow and you make a point to text Jackson later to warn him.
Sometime later, somewhere on the other side of Seoul, Jackson checks his phone halfway through dinner with Jaebeom. He audibly gulps. “Hyung…” Jaebeom looks up from his kimchi hot pot slowly. “…hyung, I think I’m going to die tonight. Jinyoungie’s going to kill me.”
Jaebeom rolls his eyes and returns to his food. Jackson’s just being over dramatic as usual.
