#just had to get this out there

hey, so i’ve been wanting to make this post for a few days now just as a general note and apology.

content on my blog has been very slow for the past… while. as i’m sure you’ve all noticed. i keep thinking i’ll finally get back into the swing of posting again, create content more consistently, find the creative drive i lost months ago. but i haven’t done any of that. and i feel awful every time i finally post something and immediately fall back into a rut for weeks after.

the truth of this whole matter, as i’m slowly coming to realize, is that i’m reallynot well. in a multitude of ways.

i’ll be working on it as best i can, but until i reach a point where i’m able to create more freely and easily again, expect the lack of content and posting here to persist.

again, i apologize for my general lack of presence. i promise i’m always hanging around, but my drive and capacity have been at an all time low, especially in these past weeks.

i’ll do what i can when i can, and we’ll just have to go from there. thank you to all of you that have borne with me thus far.

Be My Mistake

quick satosugu drabble from Geto’s POV | Ao3 Link or read below;

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The cardboard at the window has come away and daylight feathers in from where it flaps like a piece of dead skin. I called you last week, drove out here to meet you. And now here you are, standing in the doorway. You look the same as ever, white hair reaching down your forehead to meet dark glasses concealing eyes that shed light on those parts of myself I hide in shadows.

I slip my slick palms down to my pocket, pull out a thin cigarette and take a long drag in hopes that my hands will cease their shaking. Are you shaking, too? You give me that look. The one I’ve seen a hundred times only now it brings a hint of bitterness to my mouth and I wish I could spit it out. I flick the ashes onto the stained carpet.

“What? Not going to kiss me now?” I say.

The floor creaks as you move closer and I think I’ve gotta get out of here. Move on. Shed the ghost of you and us like snakeskin and let the earth reclaim those memories. Your arms are welcomed around me, pulling me in and my heart drops like an anchor to this moment and how your lips feel on mine, tongue like honey swimming in the sea of my mouth.

I’m praying you don’t hate me.

You smell of expensive cologne as I slide down your body and when I take you into my mouth it’s a choirs song that escapes your lips and I think its as close to heaven as I’ll ever get. When you move behind me you let my hair down, press your face into the crescent of my neck and breathe me in. I don’t know whether to feel despondent or delighted. My nerves vibrate at a frequency that has my ears screeching static, drowning out the sound of my breathless gasping as you enter. It’s a familiar aching, one I’ve longed for, and it leaves me bending like a reed in your wind.

We move to the beat of some cosmic drum, bringing damp sweat to our bodies and heat to the air. Your hands read me like a map and I’m desperate to know you, too. I pull you closer, until I can’t take any more of you and I know you think it’s still not enough. It will never be enough. Not even when you fill me with all the things you cannot say.

I roll over. It’s quiet and I need another cigarette but my limbs are stuck and I watch the dust dance in the crack of light above. There’s an electricity in the air, like the feeling you get before a storm and I don’t know when it’s coming but I know it will blow away the foundation we’ve built between us. I’ll ignore the sirens warning, watching as the heavy clouds roll in and shroud my life in darkness.