#just life
Life is really difficult right now because all i want when i fall asleep is to never wake up but part of me knows that is very wrong
Yes hello. I’m still alive, I swear. Executive dysfunction and rejection sensitivity are a bitch, but I’m working on it. Been working on a lot, really.
Like being social (which my phone very much insisted on trying to make be suicidal, and trying to type that on purpose came out as social, honestly I need to write that Crowley invented autocorrect story, cos what?). D and I have hung out with people twice now! Even if the second was a total failcake. (Look just don’t tell people you want to come over to play Vampire 5th ed for a few hours, eat their food, and then bail once the gaming starts cos you’d actually only told your baby sitter an hour and already made plans with your brother to see a movie. Why do that? Just say you’re not interested or you’re not sure or would rather re schedule or whatever. Why lie? It seems like a waste of energy for everyone involved and D has a campaign now for characters that will never exist, and no one for us to game with.)
Anyway. I’m actually writing again too! Well, editing my book at the moment but yes. Working. With words!
Oh, and I’m not actually sure I ever said but we moved to Florida? It’s actually really nice. And I’m so proud of D - we moved because he’s actually landed his dream teaching position. They have accommodations for his ASD, and there’s a faculty gaming group (D&D!) even if it’s been on hold from COVID, and ok it’s affluent so instead of cafeteria staff there’s an executive chef, and the kids are so fucking smart. He had to take transition time with the kids before doing tournaments, but at the first, he had 2 quarterfinalists and a semifinalist in public forum, and at the second a speech kid (at her first tourney) got first place plus one of two bids necessary to go to nationals next summer.
So yes. Alive. Doing ok. Hopefully on here more often again.
Sometimes
my heart is so full
with feelings
my mouth
doesn’t dare
to speak them
out loud
and my body
won’t move
afraid
to scare
those timid and fragile
creatures away
before i can find
the right words
to catch them
completely.
ｓｈｉｎｒｉｎｙｏｋｕ２００２
