#kamen rider

Well, here we are, the end of Ghost! Friendly reminder that, as before, Ex-Aid gets 5 weeks to win me over into recapping it, so things’ll be quiet here for a bit. See you on the other side, my lovelies~
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OVERALL: It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine~ … But in all seriousness, it’s the end of Ghost, and what an oddly quiet end it is, taking that last episode into account. I mean, I say Ex-Aid #0 up there, but really, we spend most of the time just kind of chilling with the Ghost cast (plus one very angry child). C’est la vie, I suppose.
So, ready for Year-Long Halloween to end at last, everyone? Let’s rock this.
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Episode 49:

   WITH THE AIs MERGING WITH THE GREAT EYE, BECOMING SOME SORT OF GOD (A-Eye God? :V), DECLARING THAT HUMANITY IS TOO ILLOGICAL AND MUST BE ELIMINATED, FLYING OFF, AND US WITH ONLY ONE DAY LEFT. AIs, please stop breaking our temple-house’s roof. We need that to live under.

   (Side-note: Now AEye has the small-child-voice that we heard back when Takeru last made a wish. What does this even mean?… That someone just felt like using that VA again, I suspect.)

   Well, I suppose rather more pressingly we need to live at all, so back to Earth in a furious chase scene we go! Which starts out at night, but now AEye just made it day. And then flew off again, leaving us to wonder what the hell this even means for our time-remaining.

   Aw, look, but AEye has left us with some mooks, so our half-underpowered side-riders can have something to do while our wholly-overpowered main rider handles the apocalypse! How nice of them~ … dangit, necrom’s not getting that power up I wanted, is he. CURSE YOU GHOOOST –

   … Did I say “made it day” up there? Because actually, judging by BLACK-PALETTE EX-AID JUST SHOWING UP TO HELP OUT OF NOWHERE, I think AEye actually just shifted us over to that universe, wherein time evidently flowed a little differently. … So uh yeah, hi Black-Palette Ex-Aid, ‘sup with you??

   BMX BIKES. NEON PINK-AND-GREEN BMX BIKES IS WHAT IS UP WITH HIM. WHICH HE IS NOW USING TO SMASH ALL THE MOOKS in a far better display of bike-combat than anything Showa has given me thus far, SORRY SHOWA. ALSO THERE’S RIDICULOUS VIDEOGAME SFX AND UI BITS EVERYWHERE. … Ex-Aid’s gonna be a trip.

   Anyway, Black-Palette Ex-Aid’s biked off, (after his belt literally yelled “NOW THAT’S A GAME-CHANGER”) sooo back to our actual plot we go. HI A-EYE, TAKERU’S CAUGHT UP, PLEASE TO NOT BE STARTING APOCALYPSE NOW?

   And that’s after we hit them with just about every finisher we’ve got. Also, now I’m getting Drakengard flashbacks, and I didn’t even play those games. Could we not, AEye?!

   Flashbacks to weird depressing games aside, yeah, AEye’s some kind of giant monstrosity now. Hey, side-riders, if you could find Yurusen and ask them to get Captain Ghost over here (remember him?), that’d be –

   OR YOU COULD TRY TO FREAKING RIDER-KICK THE THING THAT’S FIFTY TIMES YOUR SIZE, SURE
   SPOILERS: THEY GET KNOCKED AWAY WITH A SINGLE LAZY SWIPE OF A HAND
   AS THEY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED, REALLY 

   Ah, cool, now Giant AEye is shooting lasers that absorb people into it, that’s… that’s great. Just lovely. AAAAND IT GOT CUBI, MOZART, AND JAVERT, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BURN THE MONOLITHS, BURN THEMMMM 

   Takeru, now would be a great time to pull out some sort of super mode, or find Captain Ghost, or… Or have an existential crisis and end up flashbacking TO YOUR OWN BIRTH, SURE, WHY NOT, THANKS DATA-GHOST POWERS, THANKS A TON 

   (meanwhile, Sage is depressed and hiding in the crawlspace under the temple. Truly, a useful man.)

   JUST SAYING, WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF YOUR LATE WIFE, TAKERU-DAD? NOT EVEN TUCKED AWAY IN SOME CLOSET SOMEWHERE FOR THE KID TO FIND WHEN HE’S OLDER? REALLY?? 

   Anywho, at least all this existential worrying and flashbacking and momentarily talking at Ghost-Dad seems to have given Takeru an idea, judging by the swelling music and his proclamations that LOVE IS THE TRUE INFINITE POTENTIAL OF HUMANITY and all that. So let’s see what you’ve got, kid!

   Ah, a new finisher paletteswap, “Love Bomber”. It involves spinning, and I’m pretty sure the reason that AEye did nothing and just let that hit them is because they were just utterly baffled by that name.

   Anywho yaaaay we got AEye back down to normal size, time to – TAKERU I WAS GONNA SAY FINISH THE JOB, WHY ARE YOU EXITING INFINITE MODE, WHY THIS??? why this, child??? 

   Ah right, so he can briefly talk with his friends who all showed up (Necrom and Specter are still out of the fight, looks like – well maybe if you didn’t try to kick a giant, boys), and then allow his hoodie-buddies to have some fun protecting him as he Ominously Walks Forward in basemode. Gotta let all his ghost-parents have their time to shine, after all <3 a Good Puppy

   Oh wow, and we’re really letting them all have their moment, as all the hoodies manifest Grateful-style and just start getting punches and one-liners in. AEye is, once again, too baffled to even do anything about this. WHAT IS THIS, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY HEARTFELT WORDS, A-EYE WAS NOT PROGRAMMED FOR THIS

   WHAM BAM GOODBYE A-EYE, TAKEN OUT BY A BASE-MODE FINISHER FUELED BY ALL THE EMOTIONS AND FRIENDSHIP. Good job, little golden retriever, you did it! … Now, uh, if we could just get on figuring out how to get that wish –

   OH UH NEVER MIND THE EYECONS HAVE GOT THIS, THE GREAT EYE’S RIGHT HERE ALL FRESHLY-FREED SO UP WE GO, FORM THE SIGIL WE’VE GOT A PUPPY TO RESURRECT, GO GO GO (ghost~)

   Oh, hey, and this time Great Eye’s showing up as the Youtube Special Lady, instead of just a disembodied child’s voice. So that’s… nice? … You’re not gonna explain yourself at all, are you, Great Eye. You’re just gonna demand we make our wish, aren’t you.

   WELL YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT OUR WISH IS GONNA BE. No, not Takeru coming back to life, silly! Don’t you know him at all? He’s gonna wish for all those people AEye lasered/murdered to come back to life, duh. Because. This. Freaking. Puppy. (Not for the property destruction to be fixed, though. Guess he figures all those people will need something to do? :V)

   Luckily, Great Eye recognizes that nobody wants another 99 days of shenanigans somehow, and/or to watch everyone cry again (PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME WATCH THEM CRY AGAIN, MY HEART, PLS), so okay fine kid but you’re getting resurrected too. 

   Now have fun falling out of the sky, because they can’t be bothered beyond that. Apparently they’re busy turning into a six-winged eye-covered golden snitch, and flying off into space. … sooo uhhh am I meant to think that they’re a somewhat-abstracted Cherubim, or…??

   (Though, actually, apparently Takeru was capable of just living out the rest of his [now-immortal] existence as some sort of weird data-ghost. He just didn’t want that, which, fair enough, I wouldn’t want to deal with hearing people’s thoughts at random and watching all my friends die before me, either. Not very fun.)

   ANYWAY LUCKILY x2, TAKERU HAS GHOST-PARENTS WHO CARE ABOUT HIM ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT SMASHING INTO THE GROUND WOULD BE A TERRIBLE WELCOME-BACK TO ALIVEHOOD. And so we kind of relive our opening, making this one of the more relevant openings we’ve had in recent memory, though not as “OMG SRSLY” as those spikes from Drive’s. Those spikes. 

   Oh, and meanwhile, apparently Sage’s body-pod was in the temple attic THIS WHOLE TIME (WTF) AND YURUSEN WAS THE OLD MAN’S CAT (WTFFF).AND NOW THEY’RE BOTH IN THEIR BODIES AGAIN. … So moving on 

   Huh, I said “moving on”, but there really isn’t much more to move on to!Everyone reunites, Takeru gets some food, and Princess Alia oversees the pod-releasing of her people, including Cubi (but sadly no sight of Mozart). (Also, nobody cared about KMS, the end.)

   And with that, Ghost is more or less done! A bit… anti-climatic at points here, but I suppose we do actually have one more episode to cover, so let’s do that before we talk about things, eh?

Episode 50 / Ex-Aid #0…?:

   Mind you, I have no clue how Ore would work now that you’re… not a data-ghost, but y’know what, I won’t poke too hard at that. At least you have your Rider powers, unlike some I could name… *COUGH SCREW YOU TOO MR. BELT COUGH*

   Anyway, we open our final episode with everyone hanging out at Takeru-Dad’s grave, though one questions whether the Boost Eyecon is still a thing and if so, whether it mightn’t be prudent to pay respects to that, instead. Ah well, everyone’s happy and Alan’s promising to make Ganmaland a better place. … Shouldn’t you be getting on that, then? Just saying, you’ve really got your work cut out for you there…

   AAAA NEVER MIND THAT, WE’RE DEALING WITH JAVERT NOW, HE’S GONNA TRAIN HERE TO BE A MONK, AAAAA ONARI’S SO HAPPY AND PROUD <33 Good, letting him wander about unsupervised was a terrible idea anyhow, this is much better~

   So, next on our whirlwind tour of “we’ve got one episode left but the Big Bad’s dead, what do”, we visit… This random bridge! Wherein a small child dressed in monochromes is walking through a Great Eye portal. Small Child looks mildly annoyed, and is speaking ominous vaguenesses. … I’m having Agito flashbacks, please send help

   OH AND THEN A FLASH OVER TO BLACK-PALETTE EX-AID, STANDING IN THE RAIN, HOLDING THE BMX GAMECART AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL SUPPOSED TO BE OMINOUS BUT YOU CAN’T LOOK OMINOUS WHEN YOU’VE GOT A NEON-PINK-AND-LIME-GREEN CHUNK OF PLASTIC ON YOUR TORSO. … Side-note, a friend of mine has dubbed this black-palette version as “Edge-Aid”, and I’m shamelessly stealing that, because yes.

   Also, further side-note: GFDI, A-EYE, DID YOU LEAVE US IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE?!

   Anyway, enough of that, back over to our Ghost cast again and – OH RIGHT TAKERU MISSED AT LEAST SIX MONTHS OF SCHOOL
   HE’D ONLY JUST TURNED 18 SO HE WAS PROBABLY STILL IN HIGHSCHOOL TOO?? How the heck did we explain that to anyone?! Who knows, but now he’s playing catch-up, which is a terrible thing to have to do all of a sudden, poor kid…

   Aw, but at least he has Akari to help tutor him, even if he is a cheating puppy using his EXTREMELY CUTE ENTHUSIASM FOR BEING ALIVE AGAIN to plead for a five-minute break. You can’t deny that face, Akari. I’m sorry, it’s illegal.

   Nice to see you’ve picked up a painting hobby, though. You’re actually quite good at it! Was that an old skill, or did you just have nothing better to do than practice during all your downtime this season…?

   Aaand next on our tour is Makoto and Kanon! And setting aside the movie reference I can’t get,gdi, seems Makoto’s plan is to follow Alan and probably make out help with restoring Ganmaland, SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS haha no, no-one is surprised, especially not Kanon. Makoto, I think everyone just assumed that’s what you’d be doing.

   AND THEN BACK OVER TO EDGE-AID, where apparently Small Annoyed Child in White has decided that he needs some BMX racing in his life. Edge-Aid is not amused by having his game stolen, and approaches menacingly; unfortunately for him, Makoto and Alan have happened to wander by, and are naturally a little curious about wherefore the child-menacing, sir.

   BUT WHO NEEDS ANSWERS OR PAYING VAs FOR SOME LINES WHEN YOU CAN HAVE FIGHT SCENES INSTEAD?! Edge-Aid, I don’t think your conflict-resolution skills are up to par, at all. Just say: “the child stole my game”! See, easy! Though, admittedly, Specter and Necrom did throw the first punches, so… sorry~

   or we can just fight and you can run off and we’ll all be left very confused, with a child who refuses to give us any answers at all himself, until we ask him where he’s going. At which point the answer is “Tenkuuji Takeru”. Seems legit.

   SEEMS VERY LEGIT, I GUESS, SINCE WE IMMEDIATELY TAKE HIM TO THE TEMPLE TO SAY HI. GUYS, I’M NOT SURE THIS WAS THE WISEST IDEA. Not even if the kid immediately gets very chatty when Takeru’s actually here, no.

   WELL YOU SEE CHILD, THESE BOOKS ARE INDEED GOING TO HELP TAKERU DO SOMETHING “EVEN MORE AMAZING”, AND THAT’S GRADUATE HIGH-SCHOOL. 

   But haha seriously your hero-worship is cute and all but 1) heroes are allowed to move on with their lives like anyone else, especially 18-year-old ones; 2) takeru doesn’t have to do nothin’, that’s the next Rider’s job; 3) whyfore so angry, child, can you maybe calm down, do you need a hug?

   Awww, and now we’re having a party! A new-birthday party! For Takeru! See, child, this is what we get to do, because we saved the world, and Takeru made the very valid choice of being alive and getting to eat things. Please stop glaring over there. Seriously, do you need a hug?

   SEE, EVERYONE’S HAPPY, JAVERT’S GETTING TO EAT TAKOYAKI gdi alan someone please teach this child about nutrition AND ALAN’S THANKING TAKERU FOR HELPING HIM AND MAKOTO AND KANON ARE TELLING EVERYONE THEY’LL BE LIVING IN GANMALAND NOW AND EVERYONE’S GETTING TO DANCE AND –

   … Okay, this child definitely needs a hug. Someone hug him. And ask where he’s from. And whether he’s even human. And whether he took a wrong turn out of Wizard. These are important things that need doing.

   OR WE COULD JUST ABRUPT-CUT TO THE CHILD SLEEPING IN ONE OF THE SIDE-ROOMS, SURE??? answers gotten via sleeptalking: child maybe had a dad at some point, is probably sad about it?? Maybe?? Who knows???

   (Side-note: wow, Alan’s good at portrait-sketching, too! That’s a real nice pencil-sketch of Edge-Aid he did there. Now Takeru knows who to look out for! Yaaaay!)

   Aaaanyway, onward to the next day, wherein the Ganmaland Squad is leaving. It’s a little sad, but they’re literally just a teleportation-portal away. They’ll probably be back for weekly dinners or something. It’s cool, Alan’s bringing a takoyaki maker, they’ve clearly got everything handled~

   … … thank goodness Alia’s probably the legit actual ruler and probably having her coronation as Ultimate Empress set up as we speak, that’s all I’m saying…

   OH HEY LOOK ANGRY BITTER CHILD IS STILL ANGRY AND BITTER AND PRONE TO RUNNING OFF, WHO’DVE THUNK IT? Aaaaand now he’s run right straight into a… forest full of chocolate blocks and deformed turkeys. … I’m pretty sure that was not always there. Someone would have mentioned. AEye, why did you leave us in the wrong universe. 

   OH WHOOPS THE DEFORMED TURKEYS ARE ACTUALLY MOOKS, OH NOOOO haha they’re all using palette-swaps of monk outfits, that’s actually cute, they’ve actually got an excuse for palette-swaps this upcoming season, cute 

   Ah, and Takeru confirmed as still having Ore! Somehow! Whatever, at least it lets him Save Child – WIIIIITH THE HELP OF REGULAR-PALETTE EX-AID! Hi there! Why did the other you try to menace a child? Do you have some personality issues that want working out?

    Also, I love that just about everything he does has a videogame sound-effect, that’s also cute, oh no this season’s aesthetics are at least going to be TOTALLY MY JAM, gosh I hope everything else also will be…

   ANYWAY Takeru’s not pleased with anything approaching More Child-Menacing, and thus a fight breaks out, again. Ex-Aid here seemed awful confused about why he’s getting attacked, though, and he’s awful passionate about saving lives, so I can’t help but feel –

   MMMMYUUUUP THERE HE IS, OVER THERE, IT’S EDGE-AID! He is not Ex-Aid after all! Just, y’know, identical in everything but color-palette. Which they have a valid excuse for, being all video-game and all. Curse you, Edge-Aid! 

   OH NO EDGE-AID HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE THE WORLD NOW!!… That’s what the kid’s been calling the BMX game this entire time, by the way. I’m laughing so hard at that, you don’t even know. THE POWER TO CHANGE THE WORLD… IS A NEON BMX BIKE 

   Anyway, Edge-Aid just up and leaves, so I guess we’re all just gonna… hang out here for a sec, after beating up a few more turkey-mooks? Ex-Aid doesn’t seem too fussed about coming out of henshin either, so I guess he’s just gonna… leave. Like this. BY FREAKING JUMPING AWAY ON THE CHOCOBLOCKS, GDI THE 90s CALLED THEY WANT THEIR MARIO-KNOCKOFF BACK –

   … … He broke a chocoblock and a coin came out. A coin that turned into an Ex-Aid Eyecon. We just have that now. Making it I think the only Rider Eyecon we have, because iirc the Great Eye took back all the ones we had in the Youtube Specials. Greaaaat. THANKS, EX-AID

   So uh yeah anyway guess we’re done with Ex-Aid’s part of the plot today? I guess? Gosh, that felt like a lot less plot-invasion than Ghost did to Drive, how weird. Ah well, moving on, back to dealing with Angry Child –

   BY FINALLY GIVING HIM A HUG, FINALLY. LISTEN KID, IT’S TOTALLY POSSIBLE TO CHANGE FATE, MAYBE MAKE SOME FRIENDS AND WORK TOGETHER WITH THEM, OKAY, PLEASE STOP TOTALLY RELYING ON HEROES AND EXPECTING THE 18-YEAR-OLD TO BE A PARAGON OF WISDOM AND LIFE ADVICE, KTHX
   i mean he kind of is, a little
   butstill

   PLEASE DO NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF PORTALS, I DON’T CARE IF YOU THOUGHT OF SOME LAST WORDS TO SAY. Including one we don’t get to hear, which uh… maybe they’re trying to imply that this is yet another future-kid of a main Rider, but since it’s so vague I’m going to say No. No he isn’t, we’re not doing that again guys, chill out a bit on that, ‘kay?

   But uh yeah, with that wrapped up in that the child is gone and thus we can’t get any actual answers as to WHAT THE HELL, I guess it’s back to the temple for one last bit of chill “what are we doing now” set-up!

   The answer to that being, Onari wants to continue doing the Supernatural Help business, but the backup-monks+Javert just want to be monks. Sage has decided he’s the new head of the temple (I think he should be the new head of Going The Heck Back Home Already, Nobody Needs You Old Man, but that’s just me). Akari’s gonna get her degree and continue trying to make sure science is a force for helping humanity and not harming it. And Takeru, of course, is gonna be Takeru, completing high-school and… who knows after that, but kid’s got potential, he’ll be whatever he wants. And be an adorable puppy doing it.

   AND THAT’S A WRAP, SEASON OVER, wow, what a chill last episode. Not bad, but… Hm, not entirely necessary? Oh well. Here we are again, time to wrap up my feelings on a season all in one go. 

   Let’s see here, overall…

   As you all could no doubt tell, I really enjoyed Ghost, for all that it’s a flawed season at points – this ending was rather anti-climatic, though certainly not the worst I’ve ever seen. (Hi, Amazon! Hi, Decade! – what? ending on a cliffhanger that’s never fully resolved is totally anti-climatic!) At least this one had some satisfying character resolution, in a “well at least my children are all happy and moving on with their lives and have goals and dreams they’re free to pursue <3” kind of way.
   Speaking of characters, this season was fairly strong, with just a couple missteps – it would have been nice to see more of some and less of others, (and Specter’s whole side-plot was… eesh,) but on the whole, I got really attached to the whole cast, and I was happy to spend a year with them. Suit designs were all pretty amazing(or at least, matching my aesthetic, haha), overall we didn’t leave too much horribly unexplained plot-wise… Yeah, this season was just sort of “good”. Not the best, but good. A nice change of pace, I think.

   … Hmm, and I think that’s all I have to say, really! It’s a bit harder to condense a year down to a few paragraphs, I think, than something I watched over a few months, haha… But oh well. Now, it’s time for us to go into a little hibernation, while we wait for Ex-Aid to win me over. See y’all on the other side, my lovely spooks and goblins~

Oh goodness gracious, it looks like next time is going to be doing Drive’s shenanigans of having the last episode basically be a weird Episode 0 for the next season. Is that just a thing now? Not that I’m necessarily complaining, as long as it’s more of an extra than a subtraction, but… Ah well, we’ll see. For now, I’m not doing a three-parter if it means I’ll have to tackle an episode all by itself, so let’s go on to the end this way!
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OVERALL: WE’VE BASICALLY GOT ONE DAY LEFT AFTER ALL THIS, GUYS. One day. We’ve also got brother-merging shenanigans, brother-hacking shenanigans, freeing a sister after her sass is sadly silenced, and what might be our final Finisher Palette-Swap, though I doubt it.
Dawn of the Final Day. 24 Hours Remaining.
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Episode 47:

   Personally, considering Eldritch Emperor Adel’s attack doesn’t even cause any explosions, just kind of knocks everyone over? I’m voting only three days left omg is the more important concern. Really, Adel, were you even trying?

   Oh, okay, after everyone yells at him that this is pointless and stupid and SAYING YOU’RE THE WHOLE WORLD IS CRAZY (not wrong, Takeru, but that feels like an understatement somehow), then the explosions come out, knocking our secondaries out of the fight. RIGHT THEN, BRAIN-HACKING TIME FOR YOU, MISTER.

   SEE, LOOK AT ALL THESE HAPPY FAMILY MEMORIES – oh, and also your mom died. Which sucks! Takeru is sympathetic! But at least you knew your mom and at least your family loved you! Takeru had a family that loved him, kind of! Haha yup that was his dad, good times until…

   … Until, apparently, you murdered him.
   Adel is a serial father murderer.
   I.
   What. 

   So uh yeah, after dropping that little revelation, brain-hacking time is over, Adel decided to go home, and we’re left with a bundle of very conflicted/confused heroes. … WHAT A WONDERFUL THREE-DAYS-REMAINING-OF-LIFE WE’RE HAVING HERE, HAHA, HAAAA

   The real question is, defeat through brain-hacking, or defeat through DEATH? Which, btw, as Akari points out, your desire for the latter is not very monk-like. … Pfff, he just says he isn’t trained nearly enough for this. XD FAIR ENOUGH, BUDDY

   So yeah, everyone’s having a sad, especially Alan, and Takeru’s back into “PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAY” mode, oh dear. :( I’m sorry they don’t make “Sorry your dad was murdered by a crazy prince because he stood in the way of ghost-invasion plans” cards, little puppy, ‘cause you deserve one

   Oh, and it’s night-time, so now we’re basically down to two days left. With absolutely no plans on how to get that wish to revive Takeru. … BUT IT’S FINE, IT’S ALL FINE, LET’S HAVE A RECHARGE SESSION WITH THE HOODIES

   … Who totally knew that Adel murdered Takeru’s dad, just didn’t feel it was a good idea to tell him. Which, to be fair, when the kid’s on a time limit to solve all this and it’s not clear whether killing Adel is possible, much less the best course of action, as opposed to brain-hacking, which seems like it’ll maybe work if we keep trying… Yeaaah, can’t blame the hoodies. Even if all they have to say is “we’re with you buddy”. SIGH.

   Meanwhile: Eldritch Emperor Adel’s having a good laugh over how stupid Takeru is, Princess Alia counters with the obvious “YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS HE HAS A FAMILY THAT HE HASN’T PERSONALLY DECIMATED.” OhSNAAAAP, Princess Alia with the sick truths –

   … Oh. Not anymore. Adel just decided free will is a privilege she doesn’t get. … well screw you too, sir

   C’mon, man, we’ve only got two days left to at least wrap up the “Takeru is going to die” subplot, can’t you at least wait that long?! … In other news, Other Makoto continues to absorb Our Makoto’s feelings and memories, something I am sure will in no way backfire, ever

   But then Alan shows up, Other Makoto just kind of leaves, and Our Makoto gives Alan a monologue on his motivations and why Alan shouldn’t tell anyone especially Takeru about this. Mm-hmmm. Poor Alan’s face during all this is pure “why are you telling me this, yes i was there for most of it, when are you getting to a point”, by the by, and it’s beautiful and valid

   So uh yeah, I guess Our Makoto’s wonderful plan of trying to handle himself by himself is continuing, since Alan’s too personally conflicted to do anything about it. EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS AND NOBODY’S GOOD AT PLANS: THE KAMEN RIDER GHOST STORY

   … OH HEY, OH RIGHT, SPEAKING OF NOBODY’S GOOD AT PLANS: SAGE. He wandered off, remember? Turns out he can get back into Ganmaland just fine, which, sure, okay. And he has a driver of his own, which is much less sarcastic of a “sure okay”, I mean, he designed ‘em and all. Now, what he’s planning to do with it, who knows…

   (But he is inspired by how much Akari’s doing to try and help, which is cute and good <3 Thank You Ghost)

   OH NO EVEN TAKOYAKI IS NO LONGER ENOUGH TO CHEER UP ALAN, RED ALERT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL, ALAN IS WELL AND TRULY UPSET 
   also plotting to kill his own brother before takeru can try and save him
   welp 

   (Meanwhile: Hey, the brain hacking’s working! That or Adel’s just realizing that life is lonely without someone to call you out on your nonsense. Either way, Ganmaland Status Update: Monoliths Unpleased, Adel Throwing Tantrum At Them)

   THIS COULD BE YOU, YOU COULD BE HERE – oh wait gdi not in the way you’d probably choose to be here, don’t assimilate us all, thanks in advance. Anywho, yeah, Akari’s having a real nice chat with Takeru, forcing him to acknowledge & confront his feelings. <3

   Awwwww, and Onari’s joining in too! A little unhelpfully at first, but then he’s back to being the Heart and Soul of our group, reminding Takeru that he has to come to terms with himself, but he’ll have their support 100% no matter what. SUCH A GOOD FAMILY, I LOVE THEM ALL, HELP

   Oh, huh, meanwhile Sage’s plan is apparently to use THAT ONE BLACK-AND-WHITE MOVIE SUIT YEAH OKAY SURE GUESS YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET MORE USE OUT OF IT and a monolith to open a gate from the other side! Well, uh… sure, why not, you might as well be useful for once, old man

   Anywho back to our protagonists, Alan’s a wee bit off but – BUUUT THAT MAKOTO IS EVEN MORE OFF, NOT THAT ANY OF YOU ARE PRIVY TO HIS INTERNAL “WAIT WHY AM I SUDDENLY CARING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE” MONOLOGUE. This is why you don’t try to make your ‘evil’ clone a perfect replica, guys. This is why.

   OOH OKAY WE GOTTA OPEN THE GATE FROM BOTH SIDES AT ONCE OKAY WE CAN DO THAT – correction, Akari can do that, while the rest of us deal with Double Makotos. Outside. Away from the sensitive equipment. Off we all minus alan go, hopefully be back in time for the field trip, bye bye love you mom Akari! <3

   OH COOL
   KANON CAN’T TELL WHICH ONE IS REAL ANYMORE
   AND THEY’RE BOTH LITERALLY JUST USING THE SAME SCRIPT AT THIS POINT
   PLUS THEY’RE BOTH GOING INTO DEEP SPECTER
   THERE’S LITERALLY NO WAY TO TELL WHICH IS WHICH
   WE BASICALLY JUST HAVE TWO MAKOTOS AT THIS POINT. THIS IS OUR LIFE. WHY ARE THEY EVEN FIGHTING EACH OTHER.

   I’m pretty sure nobody would even complain, except yourselves. Alan and Kanon almost certainly wouldn’t :V … BUT NO SURE WE CAN CONTINUE WITH THIS COMPLETELY SYMMETRICAL FIGHT omg did you two literally just toss your swords in the GENERAL DIRECTION of one another, i am so done 

   Oh, and so’s the fight, as one Makoto saves Kanon from an incidental rockslide and the other just kind of retreats. Which one did we get? Does it even really matter? More news at 11.

   For now: ALAN JUST JUMPED INTO GANMALAND BY HIMSELF, BECAUSE AGAIN: NONE OF US ARE GOOD AT PLANS. But at least Akari got the portal open, I guess! Akari’s always good at science. Thanks, Akari, even if it does enable some pretty dumb heroics. You’re great. <3

Episode 48:

   IT’S ENDGAME, WE’RE ABOUT TO ALL JUMP INTO GANMALAND, ALAN’S PROBABLY DYING IN THERE AS WE SPEAK. I GET TO APPRECIATE A PRETTY LAMP AND A NICE HORIZON. 

   And by “all” I mean “everybody except the backup monks, who will be keeping an eye on this side”. Yes, even Kanon is coming. No, I have no clue why. I guess she knows the area, but so does Makoto, and Kanon doesn’t have armor OR science, so… kanon why are you going where it is not safe, why is this a choice you have made 

   Pffahahaha, well, the movie’s definitely happened and is definitely remembered, as Takeru initially mistakes Sage for whoever used that suit in the movie. (The dead Alan-brother? idk, I didn’t bother remembering his name, not like I’m gonna get to see the movie for forever anyway :V) NO NO IT’S OKAY TAKERU, STILL ONLY HAVE ONE ALAN-BROTHER TO DEAL WITH TODAY, IT’S FINE

   OKAY BUT IF SAGE IS JUST GONNA LEAD US WHERE WE NEED TO GO THEN WHY DID WE SEE FIT TO BRING KANON – Oh, huh, apparently Kanon can fight. She can just wreck mooks, suit or no suit. At least, when paired up with someone like Onari to assist with defense, anyway. … … … well that would have been nice to know earlier, good grief 

   OH BUT SHE PROBABLY CAN’T HANDLE MONOLITHS, NOPE, SURE AM GLAD WE – have two Makotos, oh, right. Hi, Makoto that previously ran off! Thanks for showing up again to help with all this! Seriously, guys, let’s just keep ‘em both, this is our life now, Two Makotos: THE KAMEN RIDER GHOST STORY 

   meanwhile: Akari literally slaps the crazy out of KMS. … Can we get her over to Adel, then? I mean, it couldn’t hurt more than anything else we’ve tried, could it? Anyway, KMS is out of the picture, again, after getting sliced by a mook. Welp. I’d say “sorry to see him go”, but really, I’m not…

   HAHA BUT NO SERIOUSLY he’s talking about having just found his sister, who is currently actually Adel. Yeah. That’s a thing he did, bro. I really don’t blame you for getting extra angry here, it’s pretty not legit, honestly

   So uh yeah, one Angry Conversation (well, more like two sides shouting “YOU’RE A MONSTER D:” and “you’re gonna be me so who cares”, respectively) later, iiiit’s fight time! Yup. Just Necrom. With no upgrades, not even hanging out in Sanzo. Against the Eldritch Emperor. Yup. This was a great plan. 

   … IF ANYONE WOULD CARE TO SHOW UP BEFORE ALAN ACTUALLY GETS HIMSELF KILLED, THAT’D BE GREAT

   ESPECIALLY SINCE HE’S TRYING TO DO THE SUICIDE ATTACK AGAIN – oh wait, no, it’s fine, he can’t actually bring himself to do it. Uh, well, you tried, buddy? And, to be honest, I’m pretty glad you failed. Two Makotos and no Alans – what kind of life would that be?!

   Not one that Takeru would be happy with! Not that Takeru’s happy at all right now anyway. HOW MANY FAMILIES MUST YOU MURDER, ADEL?? IT IS ALREADY TOO MANY AND TAKERU WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS ANY LONGER 

   … On the other hand, apparently murdering Adel would still make Alan sad. Alan, I question your sanity a little, but okay fine, I guess if you’d be sad, we can’t murder Adel. I GUESS we’ll just have to hack him, or uh, Akari’s here maybe we could try the slapping tactic –

   I mean I’m pretty sure Takeru’s hoodies would have taken that shot, bro, like they’re already here RIGHT NOW, dragging the Eldritch Emperor off all by themselves so y’all can have a moment, but okay, sure, you do you

   And speaking of said moment, it sure is happening, but… all I can think is, “we still have one Makoto and I’m not sure which one this even was”, so. Uh. Yeah. 

   … HAVING THE OTHER MAKOTO SHOW UP AND GIVE HIS LIFE TO SAVE THIS ONE, BY MERGING SOMEHOW, DOES NOT CHANGE THAT THOUGHT, NO. Welp. So much for having Two Makotos. I guess we’ll just have to be like commoners, only having one of somebody –

   OH GFDI SERIOUSLY
   SERIOUSLY
   NOBODY NOTICED THE DEEP SPECTER EYEC0²N BACK THERE
   IT’S GLOWING WITH AI BACKUPS, GUYS
   S E R I O U S L Y 

   Weeeelp leaving that obvious plot hook for later, I guess we’re moving onward to confront Adel! SIR, WE ARE HERE TO HACK THE HELL OUT OF YOUR BRAIN. POSSIBLY LITERALLY?? PLEASE SIT STILL AND MAKE THIS EASY ON US, WE’VE HAD A LONG DAY AND REALLY WE CAN’T AFFORD TO MAKE IT ANY LONGER, HAVE YOU SEEN OUR DAYS REMAINING COUNT, IT’S AT 2. 

   (side-note: omg, the hoodies have manifested and are now going toe-to-toe with their monolith counterparts) (hoodies, you are the best ghost-parents a ghost-puppy could ask for <3)

   Oh hey, hacking Adel’s brain has freed Alia! Not sure why only her, not sure why we couldn’t free people before, but eh, let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that. Especially when this one’s stomping on over, no doubt full of SASS AND LOGIC.

   And in the meantime, it’s time for BOSS BATTLE: FLASHBACK BRAIN-HACKING EDITION! Huh, apparently wherever Ganmaland’s people were before, they don’t seem to have advanced to “city-building” stage yet when they wished on a monolith for a utopia. They sure did adapt fast to that RED DEATH-CITY that said monolith gave them, then.

   Anyway yeah, tried to make this place great, mom died, whatsisface blond-child died, Emperor Dad withdrew to try and make sure NOBODY WILL EVER DIE AGAIN, yada yada, important bit to our purposes here is that Adel felt abandoned, but –

   GDI ADEL ONE OF YOUR DAD’S LAST ACTIONS BEFORE YOU MURDERED HIM WAS TO ASK ALIA TO LOOK AFTER YOU. TAKERU HAS SOME OF SAGE’S MEMORIES ABOUT HOW YOUR DAD’S MOTIVATION WAS ALWAYS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS, TOO. ACCEPT THE SASS AND LOGIC! ACCEPT IT!

   Oh hey, he’s accepting it! How nice. … You still murdered two fathers and attempted to brainwash millions-to-billions of people. … But y’know, he’s realizing he’s been awful, so there’s that! We hacked a brain, yaaaay!

   (side-note: oh lord I can’t decide whether someone should tell Takeru about some of the stellar parents we’ve had in previous Kamen Riders, or if nobody should ever burst this poor puppy’s bubble, let him live.) (but seriously takeru we’ve had some bad parents who definitely did not care for their children, okay) (please slow your dealing-in-absolutes roll)

   PFFF I’M PRETTY SURE ALIA’S NEVER FORGIVING YOU, HONEY. But you are still her idiot brother and you clearly have some abandonment issues so, in lieu of actual therapy, she’ll be here for you. Now please release –

   I WAS GOING TO SAY “ALL THOSE PEOPLE”, NOT THE MONOLITHS, BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT THE LATTER IS A BAD IDEA 
   HEY REMEMBER WHEN ALIA TOLD YOU THAT LETTING THEM GAIN SENTIENCE WAS A BAD IDEA
   AND REMEMBER WHEN THE MONOLITHS SAID THEY WANTED SOMEONE WITH A STRONG WILL
   PSYCH, THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO PUSH YOU INTO A BREAKDOWN SO THEY COULD TAKE OVER
   GOODBYE, ADEL, YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF 

   … By which I mean Takeru’s still determined to save you, but honestly, you have murdered dads, and I’m not sure how you could even redeem yourself. … But a puppy cares about you! At least you have that! Anyway, FIGHT SCENE TIIIIME

   Like, it’s probably your best one yet, visually speaking, got a real nice still-shot here, BUT. … That sure looks like ya murdered him.

   OH WOW OKAY YEAH ADEL’S DEAD. But y’know, we saved his soul, and that’s what counts. R-Right, family members of the deceased? That’s what counts, right? Please say yes, I don’t think this puppy could take it if you were sad –

   OKAY PHEW ALL IS WELL, THEY ARE NOT MAD OR UNDULY SAD AT HIM, PUPPY CAN CONTINUE HIS UNLIFE WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN. Speaking of which, though, I guess now we should go say hi to that Great Eye thing, see about getting our very hard-earned wish? Y’know, before we run out of time, and all, we’re probably effectively down to one day after all this –

   WAIT NO WE CAN’T DO THAT
   DO YOU KNOW WHY
   IT’S BECAUSE THE FREAKING MONOLITH AIs BACKED THEMSELVES UP, REMEMBER
   SO NOW THEY’VE JUST RUN OFF AND TAKEN THE GREAT EYE FOR THEMSELVES, AGAIN. … the great eye who is indeed those two ladies/this one lady from the youtube specials, because ?????? i’ve given up figuring out how those fit into anything

   WELP
   WELP
     

Mm… the lines between arcs are getting a little blurry again as we careen into endgame, but I think I don’t have to do a three-parter here. Probably. Here’s hoping I won’t have to at all until, like, finale time!
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: HACK THE BRAINS. HACK ALL THE BRAINS. … That’s pretty much the entirety of our plans at this point, alongside opening portals and maybe, someday, figuring out what the heck is even happening to Takeru, preferably before our four three days left are up.
   Oh, and our Eldritch Emperor continues gleefully sliding down the slopes of insanity, but that’s nothing new at all. Why you gotta be this way, man. Why do you never listen to your sister.
_____________________________________________

Episode 45:

    Namely: OH YEAH RIGHT ELDRITCH EMPEROR ADEL WAS BECOMING THE MATRIX, WHOOPS. Everything will be him and he will be everything, yada yada, welp guess it’s time to – GET SMASHED BY MONOLITH-WEAPONS, WHOOPS, RIGHT, HE HAS ALL OF THOSE AGAIN NOW. Adel, you’re a cheater, you know that?

   I think he also has some kind of weapons of his own? Some kinda sword-spear things? … I look at them and all I see are the guitars from Hibiki, except less cool. Regardless, ADEL VS TAKERU, CHEAT-OFF, BEGIN!

   Ah, and Takeru’s opening strong with MEMORY CONNECTION POWERS, because apparently now just touching someone through swords and a suit is enough. HI ADEL, WE’RE IN YOUR BRAIN, LOOKIN’ AT YER FUN FAMILY MEMORIES! Don’t worry, you can look at Takeru’s too, it’s fair

   Oooh, Adel did not like that. Okay, bye, Adel! Have fun freaking out while we totally come up with a plan to ruin your plans! … guys, we need a plan that’ll ruin his plans

   (Aaaand the Youtube Special Twins show up again, but once again all they have to say is “Tenkuuji Takeru is the Key”, so talk to me when you’re explained, dears)

   NO, ALAN, “I MUST DEFEAT MY BROTHER” IS NOT A PLAN, YOU GET BACK HERE. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE AN UPGRADE, YOU SIT YOUR ONE-OUTFIT SELF DOWN. … Not that Makoto is any better at that, mind you, and HIS plan is “hack my other self’s brain, and through it, hopefully the Monoliths”.

   Which is also Takeru’s plan, but replace “other self” with “Adel”! Hack all the brains, make all the people recognize their follies, that is our plan. … Y’know what? As plans go, that’s totally the option I’d choose in a video-game or whatnot. I don’t think that makes it a good plan necessarily, mind you, but at least it’s a plan!

   MEANWHILE: wow yeah Adel is not happy with that whole brain-connection thing, instructs his Makoto and Monoliths to just murder Takeru. Monoliths try to protest that they wanna absorb him, Adel overrules. HEY ADEL I DON’T SUPPOSE YOU’VE NOTICED –

   Yeah, what your sister’s saying, those things are becoming more sentient by the minute. And, like, normally I’m all for AI sentience, but, I’m not sure that’s what you want right now, so maybe listen to her? No? Okay then.

   Anyway, back to plans time – OKAY AKARI I’M NOT SAYING YOUR PLAN OF HACKING OUR MONOLITH TO OPEN A GATE INTO GANMAWORLD IS BAD, BUT LIKE
   did you have to bring up how it was a gate before right in front of the two people who had a very traumatic experience with exactly that
   akari you’re gonna make kanon have war flashbacks or something, quit it

   OH GOOD, THE MONOLITHS ALSO HAVE A PLAN. Their plan is to somehow make a Deep Specter Eyec0²n for the fake Makoto. So that’s probably great and not going to be an utter mess at all, haha, thanks guys

   Aaand Sage has a plan. I don’t particularly care about it at the moment, because Sage, but off he goes regardless. EVERYBODY HAS PLANS: THE KAMEN RIDER GHOST STORY

   I mean, you’re probably our Makoto, but dangit, we used to be able to tell via which one was stupidly Deep Specter! And now we can’t! MONOLITHS, WHY THIS

   Ah, yup, definitely our Makoto, and heeere comes the other one and his Eyec0²n to make this ensuing fight into one great big “well I’m sure someone’s winning, anyway”. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a lot.

   … Or the fight could last exactly one equal-strength kick and then Other Makoto just leaves, sure. … Pfff, Other Makoto. Well, at least he’s not yelling about baby metroids.

   Meanwhile: YEAAAH HACKING INTO THE MATRIX YEAAAAH GONNA FIND ADEL’S BRAIN oh wait the Monoliths are basically the best firewall of all time. Also, now referring to Takeru as a “data array of consciousness [capable of infiltrating our network]”. Hmm. Interesting.

   Actually, come to think of it, it would make a ton of sense for the Eyecons to work by digitizing people’s brains, essentially turning them into sentient AIs that interact with the world through some sort of solid hologram. And Takeru’s just one that’s somehow disconnected from his body, capable of hacking into other data and dissembling himself into data, somehow. Hmm. HMMMMM.

   Well, that’s a matter for Akari to consider, anyway, assuming Takeru ever gets the chance to tell her. Because now is time for Takeru to yell that NO HE’S HUMAN GDI, and charge into combat! Oh, this poor golden retriever, someone hug him~

   Oh right, and meanwhile Alan and the monks are heading over to Demia to try and smack some sense into the president. PRO-TIP: PLEASE JUST EXORCISE HIM ALREADY: WE REALLY WOULD SAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE IF YOU JUST DID THAT TO EVERYBODY YOU MEET

   Oh, huh, and the Monoliths just left after Takeru told him the source of his power is FEELINGS AND HUMAN CONNECTIONS. They don’t get it, but say he’ll be “useful”. … guys not that i’m complaining but y’all do remember adel wanted you to kill this puppy, right, like what’s your plan for dealing with his outrage over your failure, legit curious

   WHOOPS BUT WE’VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS, NAMELY TAKERU IS STARTING TO CONNECT TO EVERYONE AT ONCE. Which is naturally a little overwhelming. Is this because of DeMatrix, or just Takeru’s powers going out of control? who knows, but regardless, it goes away when he gets back home. … We need a firewall for this boy. Badly.

   OH HEY LOOK ALAN’S EXORCISED THE COMPANY PRESIDENT
   IT TOOK TWO SECONDS
   GDI, Y’ALL

   HEY KMS, YOU REMEMBER WHEN ADEL WAS GOING ON ABOUT HOW HE IS THE WORLD AND ALL THAT
   MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THAT, BECAUSE FOR A SECOND YOU WERE INDEED LITERALLY HIM 
   and really, that shouldn’t have been a surprise at all, considering the aforementioned villain speeches. Just saying.

   Anywho, leaving KMS to his delayed freakouts, and setting aside for the moment how Adel is now ABSORBING HIS OWN PEOPLE OH JEEZ (alia’s judgment of him continues), let’s finally have a discussion on Takeru’s mom! She died when he was born, and he’s never even seen a picture of her. … Bro, that seems mega suspect to me, but eh, nice to at least have her acknowledged. Moms: They Exist.

   OH COME ON, MONOLITHS, YOU ALREADY BUGGED TAKERU ABOUT HIS POWERS ONCE TODAY, CAN’T YOU JUST LET HIM HAVE A MOMENT HERE WITH HIS SURROGATE MOM AKARI? :( no? fiiiiine, fight time again it is…

   Aaaand by “fight time again” I apparently meant “Swablu Monolith tosses some kind of pyramid onto Takeru, intending to absorb him”. Um. Some help here would be great, guys. Secondaries? Anyone?

   Oh, not with Other Makoto, mind you. He just freaks out as soon as he thinks of doing anything to Kanon, because haha y’all didn’t think through the consequences of making a perfect Makoto clone, now did you? Also possibly brain-hacking, maybe that’s finally working a bit. 

   No, Precious Ray of Sunshine Kanon just needs help figuring out how to tie her dang shoes in less than a solid minute. Kanon. Kanon, it’s not that hard. Kanon, please.

   Also WHOOPS NEVER MIND TAKERU DOESN’T NEED ANY HELP, TURNS OUT SWORDS ARE VERY EFFECTIVE AT BREAKING ENERGY-PYRAMIDS. Monoliths, you’re really bad at plans, you know that?

   Anywho, Makoto finally shows up to help (BUT WHICH ONE IS IT?!?!), fight proceeds accordingly as Alan also shows up, aka: “non-primaries soak up hits and sort of assist with the finisher, while Takeru gets on with being the strongest Rider here”. 

(Things I miss about Hibiki: nearly-even power levels for everybody, or at least diversity in required powersets. And, yes, there’sa sentence I never thought I’d type.)

   oh well whatever YAAAY THREE MONOLITHS DOWN! Hopefully! Okay probably not because Adel’s a cheater but at least they’re not bugging us right now anymore! Okay, time to regroup and think up new plans –

   OR TAKERU CAN JUST FREAKING VANISH
   I MEAN HE’S STILL HERE BUT NOBODY CAN SEE OR HEAR HIM
   UM
   UMMMMMM

Episode 46:

    JUST SAYING, IT WAS WORTH A SHOT. Anywho yeah, three days left and our hero seems to be having trouble manifesting! Nobody knows anything, especially Yurusen. (Where did Takeru’s body go, anyway? It just vanished way back when, and nobody seems to know about it, not even Sage.) BUT Y’KNOW IT’S FINE, WE’RE ALL FINE, HERE, NOW, HOW ARE YOU

   Also, status meeting: Everyone’s plans yesterday came to naught, except Alan, who did indeed rescue/kidnap the demia president. He is very confused and probably his company is wrecked by the ~6 months it’s been taken over but y’know, we’re explaining, it’s fine, we got this

   MEANWHILE, STATUS MEETING ON THE OTHER SIDE: Monoliths are more convinced than ever that Takeru is key to their evolution, decide to tell their Makoto to go grab him. Their Makoto has decided that it will be stealing Takeru’s lines now, in a baffling decision. Okay, buddy. You do… uh, not so much you, actually, please.

   Hey, Adel, remember when your sister warned you about these things getting sentience? Remember how you told her to shut up? HAHA, NO REASON I’M BRINGING THAT UP THOUGH, NO REASON

   (Also, I guess we’re just doing cold opens now, this is just A Thing. Not that I’m complaining, but like… why a formatting change now? Why??)

   Welp anyway, guess everyone’s just going back for a second try at their plans of yesterday, so outside Takeru goes to – GET OVERWHELMED BY EVERYTHING, GDI KID YOU DON’T HAVE A FIREWALL, WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN HERE

    And then they merged into one lady, who I can’t tell whether her wig has changed or if it’s just the same long-haired wig, and then they left via Great Eye-portal, which upsets Adel when he senses it. ‘Kay. Good scene, ladies, good scene. Again, come back when you have answers, please. 

   (Side-note: the fact that Takeru seems to recognize the ladies would seem to indicate that the Youtube specials were canon, which… like, I guess nothing major changed by the end of them, but trying to fit them into the timeline is a bit of a mess so like, why, show, why.)

   Anywho, Takeru’s slide into “a complete lack of control what is going on” continues, as he’s now teleporting around everywhere, whoops. Hi, Edison Scientist! Hi, Ryoma Satellite-Engineer! Hi, Houdini Yoko! Nice to see you’re all doing well. Have some encouraging ghost-words from a man you can’t see, before –

   I WAS GOING TO SAY “BEFORE HE’S WHISKED AWAY AGAIN, DETERMINATION RE-DETERMINED”, NOT “BEFORE YOU ALL GET ATTACKED BY MONOLITHS, WHAT THE HELL.” Interesting that their efforts have always been led by Swablu lately, though. Early bloomer?

   Anyway, back at base Makoto’s checking in again – OOOOR NOT. BECAUSE THAT ISN’T OUR MAKOTO. ALAN AND KANON CAN TELL, YOU FAKE. … Even if Onari can’t, and so the Other Makoto just leaves peaceably. Dude, what were you even trying to do here…?

   Maybe he was just purposely trying to taunt our Makoto, which if so, that’s working pretty well. Hi, our Makoto! We just saw your double! If you hurry you can catch him and accomplish nothing as usual, gdi makoto let alan come along to help at least, sheesh!

   (Side-note: Our current tertiary-plan is to have Demia President make a broadcast to the whole world about DEMIA = EVIL. I’m really not sure how effective that’ll be when our opponents are largely AIs, aka probably master hackers, and a good chunk of the population already has the contacts and can’t remove them anyway, but… Plans! We have them!)

   Oh hey, Takeru’s not having TOO MUCH INPUT problems anymore, that’s nice!… And completely unexplained, but no time to think about that now, only time for GDI MONOLITHS GIVE HIS BRIEFLY-FRIENDS THEIR SOULS BACK, JEEZ, RUDE.

   … just like the real other m! Anyway yeaaaah our Makoto does not take well to Other Makoto jacking Takeru’s lines now, so I guess it’s time for Perfectly Symmetrical Violence once again –

   Oooor it’s time for the Eyec0²n to helpfully let our Makoto know that Takeru’s in (very, very minor) trouble, sure. And Other Makoto just up and left, too, so uh… I guess Makoto has nothing better to do than go. Meatshield Hero, awayyyy!

   Hmm, the Monoliths are once again insisting that Takeru is “data”, interesting. The newly-arrived Makoto can see him right now, though! Maybe the suit helps contain things? It’d kind of make sense. Sort of. Who knows, it’s fight time, not ‘pay attention to the plot hints the enemy is dropping’ time –

   UHHH AND NOT EVEN THAT, AGAIN. Though at least the Monoliths don’t seem to have just gotten bored and wandered off. I’m preeeetty sure their Eldritch Emperor just yanked them back. Anywho, de-henshin time and –

   aaaand yeah Takeru’s not visible anymore. Still audible though, so words of encouragement are exchanged, yay! That’s… something, anyway! HEROES, BACK TO BRAIN-HACKING

   HAHA YUP ADEL CALLED BACK HIS MONOLITHS, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED, NOW HE IS YANKING AWAY THEIR SENTIENCE BECAUSE THAT IS A THING HE CAN DO, I GUESS. Also a thing his sister can once more judge him for, because yeah, once they have sentience taking it is indeed a jerk move 

   (Also, I suspect, a slightly futile one, because I feel like they backed themselves up into Other Makoto’s Eyec0²n. I could be wrong, but y’know, just a hunch. They are somewhat software. Backups.)

   OH HEY WHOOPS TURNS OUT THAT THING WE DID NOTHING TO FIX IS NOT FIXED, WHO’DVE THUNK IT? … aka: takeru’s back to hearing all the voices at once, whoops, whooooops, SAVE US MUSASHI – wait, what

   Yeah, uh, apparently Musashi’s decided he’s gonna be the solution to this! (Also, going to be played by Juuzo/Naoya now, which just makes me laugh.) Which, uh, to be fair, he was kind of philosophical/spiritual at times, yeah. I mean, when he wasn’t just –

   … Siiigh. I mean, yes, he’s still giving the lectures on ACCEPTING THE VOICE OF EVERYTHING RATHER THAN FIGHTING IT, while dueling, but… Okay yeah honestly, this is the most Properly Musashi he’s been all season, and I don’t know what else I even expected

   Anyway, meanwhile, broadcast is happening! It’s totally going well, this is gonna help so much you guys OH WAIT LOL PSYCH, IT’S ADEL BROADCAST TIME NOW, WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED IT.

   … “90% of the population” is already Demia, really KMS? Really? Okay, even if we pretend that’s just Japan’s population – “world” population would just be ludicrous – and even if we pretend you were literally giving them away at street corners and making your Demia zombies force the contacts onto non-Demias,  that’s still a huge freaking stretch! KMS, how this?!

   Oh and also, friendly reminder, KMS: you’re gonna get absorbed, too. You seem to have forgotten after the last two times, possibly because – ah, yup, there you go again, getting mind-blanked by Adel. Welp. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, I guess? :V

   (Meanwhile, everyone outside is now Adel, and ditto for Demia President. Literally. That actor must have had a hell of a time getting re-costumed this many times, wow. XD) (And OMG HI CAMEO APPEARANCES BY JAVERT AND CUBI AND MOZART <333) (javert looks like a kicked puppy, and cubi is instantly worried for kanon) (sweet children, come home)

   OH COOL, YUP, GREAT, NOW WE’VE GOT FIVE MONOLITHS ON OUR SECONDARY AND TERTIARY RIDERS. YEAH THIS IS TOTALLY MANAGEABLE, YOU’VE TOTALLY GOT THIS, GFDI ALAN YOU AREN’T EVEN IN SANZO RIGHT NOW, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE 

   But uh, on the bright side, Takeru’s learned how to deal with Constant Voices and also catch swords which no just no but maybe it works because he’s a dataghost, so uh… he’ll be able to avenge his buddies, at any rate? Yay?

   Like, y’all can talk about fighting and determination and all that, but you aren’t even getting any counter-punches in or managing any dodges or anything. You are just getting wailed on by at least 2 monoliths apiece. This is a trainwreck.

   But now it’s a trainwreck with a puppy in it, and as we all know, puppies make everything better! (no they don’t, just ask any jojo’s fan :V) HI TAKERU, YOU MADE IT BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY DIED! GOOD TO KNOW YOU’RE AT LEAST TEMPORARILY VISIBLE TO YOUR BUDDIES RIGHT NOW, WE’LL SEE HOW LONG THAT LASTS AFTER WE TOTALLY WRECK THESE MONOLITHS –

   … Oh. Um. Not that they weren’t wrecked, but yeah, seems like Adel can just bring them back whenever he wants. And also show up whenever he wants. Which is right now. Leaving us on a cliffhanger, but the lines between arcs are seeming real blurry right now, so let’s just… all hope this wasn’t a three-parter, eh? Yeah!
     

gottischan replied to yourpost:Amazon: 23 & 24 - FINALE!

Taking care of yourself is the MOST IMPORTANT and you’ve been incredible, Ace ♥

Thank you! ;u; I’ve met so many wonderful people writing these, and it’s been a wonderful time, but I’ve always had a rule that I’d stop when I felt I needed to, and here unfortunately is where that is, for now. Hopefully focusing on just the ongoing seasons will help me recharge my batteries.

Seriously, it means a lot to hear that from someone who’s been here pretty much since the beginning, so really, thank you♥

Here we are. The end of Amazon, faster than anyone at the time expected. Cancellation’s a bit of a jerk like that… But it’s been fun anyhow, hasn’t it? So, let’s see how we wrap up this wild ride…
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: Okay I just
wait no there’s
um
… Amazon’s wearing a suit, nuke safety is nonexistent, and I’m not sure I can describe any of this. Let’s roll.
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Episode 23:

   And by fireworks I mean H-bombs helium bombs, aka a thing that does not even exist as far as I can tell, but okay. Because Garanda just has those now. So some island somewhere is now kind of inhabitable and/or does not exist anymore, probably. … guys I know y’all really want to set Tokyo on fire but like, really?? 

   Ah, nope, now their plan is simply to wait out the radioactive fallout (WTF) and then build the Garanda Empire over it. … So now, extrapolating logically, we have an AU wherein the last remnants of Spain (who were previously wiped out by the Inca) are going to try nuking everything and probably turn the world into Fallout/Mad Max. Show, what the hell.

  Anyway, insane plans aside, YO AMAZON HOW ARE YOU GONNA CATCH ONTO THIS AND PREVENT THE WEIRDEST MAD MAX AU OF ALL? … Who knows, because right now we’re joining Masahiko’s sister where – OKAY WHY IS A LIZARD SLEEPING IN MASAHIKO’S BED, WHAT????

   there are no answers
   there is only a salamander beastman, now kicking them out of their own house
   this is our life now 

   Ah, but a last-minute save from Tachibana, who is still valiantly trying to fill Mole’s shoes! He is still not living up to those standards, and possibly never will, but oh well. FWOOSH, AWAY IN THE SENSIBLE SEDAN… OF JUSTICE

   It has literally taken them until the second-to-last episode to find a mode of transportation that doesn’t just make me giggle/burst out laughing, and it’s still not even all that threatening. But y’know, two of ‘em pin in the poor Sensible Sedan pretty well, so, TIME FOR AN AMAZON RESCUE

   NOW WITH 300% MORE STRAIGHT UP MURDERING FRINGE-LUCHADORS, WOW. Bye, minions. You possibly had names and lives, but not anymore. Well, uh, shall we be off to… somewhere, Amazon? Idk, Masahiko’s house is now Salamander Country so who knows where we’re going

   INTO A FREAKING TRAP, THAT’S WHERE WE’RE GOING
   BECAUSE THIS WASN’T AMAZON AT ALL
   IT WAS SALAMANDER
   HE CAN SHAPESHIFT 

   … the fact that I did not at all question that Amazon would straight up murder non-monster mooks, and only thought it was weird that he was being a bit more terse than usual, says a lot, I think.

   Anyway, Tachibana gets thrown out of the car, which is now being driven away by the salamander and a fringe-luchador. Because they want Masahiko and his sister, for some reason? 

   … Dude, if this is to fight Amazon, I think you could’ve just stabbed some folks in Tokyo and found him pretty quick without personally antagonizing him. Also, WHY NOT JUST SET OFF THE HELIUM BOMB, WHAT THE HECK WOULD HE EVEN DO ABOUT IT??

   Er, ahem, so yeah, Amazon points out the second fact there, Tachibana realizes that he’s an idiot as usual, and thus Amazon is allowed to set off after his child-parent and his teenager(??)-parent. SAVE CHILD BIKE, AWAYYYY~

   and then, meanwhile elsewhere, Cosplay Boss murders like four of his Fringe-Luchadors FOR NO GOOD REASON. Dude, how do you keep getting more of those? Are they all just clones of one guy, or something…??

   so back over to our hero – OKAY UM AMAZON OPENED THE DOOR OF THE ABANDONED SENSIBLE SEDAN AND THE WHOLE THING JUST EXPLODeddddokay no never mind after the commercial break he’s just fine
   just digs himself out of some minor rubble, literally just brushes some dust off of himself and that’s it, exploding is a minor inconvenience to him 
   starting to see why y’all thought just setting off the helium bomb before Amazon can do anything wouldn’t be enough, yeah

   Aaaand then Amazon literally stepped on salamander in his lizard-form without even noticing until he’d already done it. Everyone is failing their Spot checks today and nothing is entirely sensible: KAMEN RIDER AMAZON’S PENULTIMATE EPISODE

   So uh yeah, one minor scare later, iiiiit’s fight time! Well, it’s about a minute later than usual, so maybe… Ah, nope, it’s not going well, because Amazon isn’t transformed and, when he’s about to, Salamander threatens to kill Masahiko and Ritsuko if he does. … So either Amazon finally figured out that yes he does in fact henshin when he does the thing, or he’s very confused about why he can’t shout his name right now. 

   Either way, Tachibana’s trying to catch up with Amazon for some reason – AAAAND MANAGES TO KINDA SORTA SAVE MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO, WHAAAAAT. Well, I mean, it’s still mostly Amazon swinging on up there and knocking out the Fringe-Luchadors for realsies, but uh… he got a couple punches in, anyway??

   Actually, Salamander’s just being a jerk here: apparently he’s already poisoned Masahiko and Ritsuko, so now their bodies are becoming SALAMANDER BODIES. And also actually he wants Amazon to fight him, not run away, because he’s supposed to be murdering him, and all. BUT MEANWHILE, THAT HELIUM BOMB IS BEING SET UP, OH NOOOO

   … and then in spite of Ritsuko giving a speech about how Amazon should focus on disarming the bomb, and Amazon agreeing… Amazon proceeds to just get into a fight with Salamander anyway, while Tachibana and crew go out after the bomb?? … Well, to be fair, I don’t know how you’d expect Amazon to disarm a quasi-nuclear bomb anyhow…

   WELL AT LEAST NOW AMAZON CAN HENSHIN – WHOOPS BUT SO CAN SALAMANDER, DUN DUN DUNNNN! … aka: “we had an extra suit and a spare suit actor and we’re gonna use them, gdi”

   1) TACHIBANA WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER WHICH ONE IS REAL, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CAN HELP ANYWAY
   2) I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE GONNA GO LOOK FOR THE BOMB, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE, LET AMAZON FIGHT HIMSELF IN PEACE, GO SAVE US ALL FROM THE FALLOUT AU 

   Man, and he doesn’t even fight himself for that long before Salamander goes back to being Salamander. Special mention to Amazon counter-kicking the kick attempt, though, that was Pretty Neat. Anywho, Salamander seems to be trying the same regeneration trick as Anemone did, so I guess we’ll just have to blunt-force-trauma him to death –

   Him teleporting away might have been… if not for the fact he literally just teleported back to base to have Cosplay Boss kill him, marking our first time in a long while that an enemy has went “SCREW THIS NOISE I’M GONNA GO BACK HOME FOR A MERCIFUL DEATH.”

   … pfff, baby. Amazon didn’t even bite you once, just ask Gedon about justified mercy-killings!

   OH AND THEN IT TURNS OUT KILLING SALAMANDER MAKES THE POISON ALL BETTER SO THAT’S ALL SETTLED AFTER ALL, AHAHAHA. If only real life poisons were that easily dealt with…

   And speaking of easily dealt with: Amazon has found the Garanda Safe House, hurray! Luckily it was just kind of… over here, in this hill. Okay, sure, why not. It’s only guarded by Fringe-Luchadors, regardless, so TIME TO STORM THE ENEMY BASE BASICALLY UNOPPOSED, I GUESS –

   by which I mean amazon almost immediately falls into a trap, and we’re gonna have to wait until NEXT TIME to see how he escapes and foils the evil HELIUM BOMB. And by “next time” I mean “next paragraph”. ONWARDS, TO THE END!

Episode 24:

   YUP JUST STICK THOSE COSTUMES INTO LAB COATS, A+ DECISION. Not even really being sarcastic, those look amazing. And hilarious. But mostly amazing. … Anyway, Amazon’s easily escaping the spike trap because GUYS HE HAS A GRAPPLING HOOK, so let’s see what Science is up to here!

   … gfdi Cosplay Boss did you make your actual name be “Zero” just so you could feel really important and smug when you tell your men what to set zero-hour to on the bomb
   did you do this 

   Anyway yeah the bomb’s going to go off at 1PM today, so time to just PUT IT IN A REGULAR BOX WITH LITTLE PADDING AND CASUALLY HAVE TWO GUYS TAKE IT OVER TO TOKYO
   guys I am seriously so surprised y’all haven’t just nuked yourself, NUKE SAFETY, PLEASE 
   (which, speaking of which, how far away is your secret bunker, anyway…???)

   Well, I hope it’s really really far, just because Amazon’s having to go through a TON of traps here, so it’d be nice if 1PM is a long way away and it’ll take you guys forever to get to Tokyo IN YOUR SENSIBLE SEDAN OF EVIL AGAIN, GDI GUYS YOU HAD TRUCKS. … how do you all get to work every morning, anyway

   GDI TACHIBANA DO YOU HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A FIVE YEAR OLD?? Like, I know finding one two-foot-long bomb in all of Tokyo would be difficult, but at least you know what Garanda tends to look like. They stand out. You could look for it that way, and stop them before they set it up. Y’KNOW. LIKEMOLE PROBABLY WOULD. 

   BUT NO HE’S GONNA GO AFTER AMAZON AND HE’S BRINGING THE KIDS WITH HIM. “you have to promise me you won’t go anywhere dangerous”, he says. Oh, you mean like the enemy base, Tachibana?! Wh. No. You’re grounded. Go home. You know. WHERE THE NUKE IS HEADING.

   Oh hey, meanwhile Amazon’s gotten through all the traps! He’s found Cosplay Boss! There’s still no beastmen here at all, so this’ll probably be real quick! Pfff, Cosplay Boss, like you can yell at Amazon for killing “many of your cute(!!) underlings”, I swear you’ve killed far more than he has 

   … Okay, so, small problem. Cosplay Boss’s SPARKLER LANCE OF DEATH can’t kill Amazon, but it can STRAIGHT UP KNOCK HIM OUT OF HENSHIN. You know. That thing we usually need to really get our murder on. Um. Ummmm. … Sure would be nice if we had a plan right now, Amazon, little murderbuddy…

   Well, getting Cosplay Boss to tell us where the bomb is, that’s a pretty good start! We have (really easily gained) info! Now we just need to be able to do something with it, and we’ll be good! Anyone got a fire extinguisher to use on that sparkler?

   (side-note: this bunker is “one million meters” underground, and like, just, how) (no)

   Hahaha actually the guy inside is also a fringe-luchador, but anyway, SURE WOULD BE NICE IF SOMEONE WAS OVER HERE AT LEAST TRYING TO STOP THEM, TACHIBANAAAAA 

   … … guys why the hell did you come here in a sedan, to set up a bomb that will destroy three islands, and only allow yourself ONE HOUR to get away from it?! Like?! omg nobody in Garanda knows anything about nuke safety, someone please save us from these morons 

   … Apparently an hour is enough time to get back to base in, which really makes me question how radiation-proof that bunker is. BECAUSE YOU CANNOT MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT IT’S REALLY “ONE MILLION” METERS UNDERGROUND, GUYS. YOUR MOOKS CAN’T EVEN NOTICE THAT TACHIBANA’S HIDING BEHIND A TWO-FOOT-HIGH WALL, HERE, NOT EVEN WHEN THEY LITERALLY HAVE TO BE STEPPING RIGHT OVER HIM. 

   And so Tachibana manages to knock out a mook and steal their costume, because EVERYONE is failing their spot checks today. Lord help us all.

   Oh, huh, turns out there are off-switches for all those traps, that’s how the mooks get in. Fair… enough?? WELP TIME TO INFILTRATE, THIS TIME WITH 300% MORE STEALTH (disclaimer: tachibana is not actually any good at stealth, help us all)

   Okay, guys, why do you even want the Gigi armlet? I thought way back when you said “screw the armlets we don’t need them”? And now suddenly you want it? Pfff, okay, be tsun about it why don’t you…

   ALSO: TURNS OUT BRINGING THE GAGA ARMLET IN BEFORE YOU’D GOTTEN THE GIGI ARMLET OFF WAS A BAD IDEA: apparently, in spite of the armlets having been this close to each other before, when the Ten-Headed Demon was still a thing, this time the armlets do a MAGNETISM THING and the Gaga Armlet just speeds over to link with Amazon’s.

   Like, y’all tried and all, but… yeah, spoilers: it just hangs there like that for the entire fight. GUYS I KNOW YOU MADE THEM TO BE LINKABLE BUT DID YOU STOP TO CONSIDER WHETHER YOU SHOULD 

   Ah well, anyway, HEY REMEMBER ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT THE ARMLETS TOGETHER UNLOCKING UNBELIEVABLE INCAN POWER AND ALL THAT?? Because yeah that’s what they’re doing now. But for Amazon. Amazon is now literally invincible. 

   You just handed Amazon his power-up, Cosplay Boss. SPARKLERS MEAN NOTHING TO THE POWER OF A MAN WITH TWO ARMLETS ON ONE ARM!!

   OKAY SO HEY TACHIBANA, YOU’RE IN HERE NOW, GO ACTUALLY TAKE APART THAT BOMB, PLEASE. Preferably without killing us all. … we’re doomed. We are so doomed. Ah well, away Tachibana goes IN THE SENSIBLE SEDAN OF EVIL JUSTICE, anyhow! While bringing the kids, because screw you tachibana why are you bringing the children omg do you want them to die??

   Sooo uh, that just leaves a base full of mooks and a Cosplay Boss – who I think is now missing both arms, yup, okay, bye VERY HUMAN GUY’S ARMS. Amazon Does Not Care. … bro i stg if you say anything along the lines of “only a flesh wound”, I will be the one to punt you into the sun. I’ll do it. Don’t test me.

   Oh wait never mind he’s dead now, fell into his own spike trap, ahahaha whoooops. … This show was cancelled for being considered too bloody and violent, you say? Gee, I wonder why! 

   WELLPPP GUESS IT’S TIME TO DISMANTLE A BOMB AND THEN WE’RE DONE?? Also we only have two minutes left.  And Tachibana really does not actually know anything about bombs. … well it’s been a good life everybody, see y’all on the other side, goodbye three islands’ worth of japan

   … … … *deep breath* No. 
   I mean, yes, very murderable, but… No. 

   Okay so yeah I really don’t know what to say here, beyond “this is apparently Cosplay Boss’s Boss, fight scene ensues, and then this guy is actually just Cosplay Boss after all, i don’t even??” What, have all those conversations before just been an elaborate RUSE, I don’t…?!

   He also claims to be immortal, but then Amazon cuts off his head and he doesn’t come back, so uh, yeah. Highlander rules, I guess. Does this make Amazon the Highlander? Discuss.

   AAAAND WITH THAT WE JUST SUDDENLY CUT TO A BOAT, HEADED BACK TO THE AMAZONS, WITH AMAZON GETTING ON IT. WEARING AN ALL-WHITE DRESS SUIT. UM.UM. 

   Like, not that I’m complaining that Amazon’s going home, he’s probably going to live a very exciting life making sure every poacher in South America regret their decisions. And not that I’m complaining that Amazon’s wearing clothes, per se. But like. Apparently the gigi bracelet just got removed and now Amazon’s decided suits are his style and this is all very sudden, is what I’m getting at here 

   But uh, with Amazon riding off and Masahiko being sad but knowing that Amazon will come back to visit ~someday~, our season abruptly ends! Man, cancellation’s a jerk, innit…

   So, that… was Amazon, and I guess now it’s time for final impressions! Let’s see here, overall…
   Yeah, okay, that was pretty much the best first foray into Showa that I was hoping for, no two ways about it. The plot overall was a bit all over the place and often repetitive, but for a kids’ show from the 70s and for a show that was facing some outside trouble for its violent nature, eventually getting cancelled… Honestly, I’m surprised it was as coherent as it was. The very end was a very rushed mess, but again: cancellation. I can forgive it.
   The characters definitely are the selling point for this season – sure, the fights have some cool ideas occasionally, and sometimes the choreography can be good when it’s not getting shot in the foot by the editing, but at least for me that wouldn’t have been enough to hold through. Everybody but Tachibana was so great here though, and even Tachibana was not terrible, just kinda useless. I was genuinely pretty mad when Mole died, even. They made me feel for the selfish monster who nine times out of ten was only concerned with his own survival, guys. What the hell.
   Of course, Amazon himself was the true star of the show – I was a little nervous going in about how well they’d portray the concept; ‘unlearned jungleman with little to no language skills’ is so easy to screw up. But I think considering the shaky ground they had to start with, they did absolutely brilliantly. The actor manages to portray it well, Amazon never comes off as stupid, just unexperienced and often instinctual; he shows himself to actually be quite clever long before he starts getting the hang of language skills. Which he picks up ridiculously quickly but, y’know, I’ll roll with it, not least because I ended up soproud of him. I think Amazon is the Rider who I’d say actually grew the most over his season, of what I’ve seen thus far, and that was just a precious thing to behold. Ya did good, murderchild, ya did good. ♥
   So yeah! A good season! … gosh I typed too many words for 24 episodes, ahah, what is wrong with me…

   As for what’s next, um, well…

   Alright, this is something I’ve been thinking a lot about, and it’s been a difficult decision to make, but here’s the deal: I’m starting to get more than a little burned out. (Which, quite frankly, if you have to choose a time to burn out, I suppose “after recapping 90% of Heisei” is a good enough time to choose.) Amazon has been great fun, but there was a period of like… a month and a half where I just didn’t have the energy to write anything. Quite frankly? I need a break.
   But, let me clarify: I’m going to continue recapping the ongoing seasons for the foreseeable future; Ghost recaps will continue, and probably everything after it, in the usual Saturday slot. I was just already iffy on recapping Showa, and this burnout isn’t helping, so for now… I have no plans on continuing those. The two eps of Stronger I’ve seen thus far are fun, but man, a full season of trying to recap Showa ludicrousness? I just don’t have the energy. (I haven’t forgotten about the mini-recaps on Decade, though – as soon as I can find the time and work up the energy to tackle that season again, I’ll try to get to those.)
  Please accept my sincerest apologies on this, as well as my very deepest, very most heartfelt thanks for sticking with me this long. It’s been an amazing, long, wild ride with you all, and even if I’ve gotten a bit tired near the end, I wouldn’t change a second of it. Thank you all.

ENDGAME ROLLERCOASTER: COMMENCE! … Well, okay, actually it’s clearly been going on a while, but… We really are starting to get towards the end now, aren’t we? Always an odd feeling…
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OVERALL: hey guys remember how we got all those answers last time? Well, okay, that’s not exactly changing, but now we’re back to piling on the questions as fast as we’re getting answers. Oh dear.

Also, in other news, Takeru’s down to like 4 days left, and our Eldritch Emperor miiight be trying to create the Matrix. But I’m sure that’ll all be fine!
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Episode 43:

   BRO LAST I HEARD YOU HAD LIKE 14, WHAT THE HELL EVEN HAPPENED. … Movie, maybe, I guess?? Anywho, sudden jumps in time aside, we rejoin Adel as his freed-from-stasis body GOES INTO A COCOON. So that’s all perfectly normal, probably great times for poor Princess Alia over here someone let her out omg

   Awww. Meanwhile, back with our ONLY FIVE DAYS LEFT protag, we’re visiting Dad’s grave, where Takeru states that NO HE ALONE IS NOT THE HOPE, EVERYONE UNITED IS EVERYONE’S HOPE because he’s a selfless little puppy <3

   And also that he’ll totally come back to life and totally get through to Adel, because he’s also an absurdly naive little puppy. Poor Alan looks like he’s just nodding agreement to avoid breaking those dreams, lol, he knows this is useless XD

   MEANWHILE MEANWHILE: a small child does complex equations on his coloring sheets while consuming raw sugar in the form of honey, then goes and sings a song at the window that causes the nearby TV to freak out. … Kid’s mom, have you considered an exorcist?

   Oh, and then we finally get our opening. Jeez, that’s just coming later and later, innit? Soon I expect it’ll be the end of the episode before we see it…

   YES, LET’S GET SOME SCIENCE IN HERE, THANK YOU AKARI. … Well okay technically those were all originally science, sure, but let’s have a not constantly-cosplaying-old-man scientist look at them, please. … So yeah, Akari’s analyzing all the gear, good times~

   OH UH HAHA GUYS ABOUT THAT, ABOUT THERE ONLY BEING THREE GANMEISERS LEFT AND NEEDING TO MOVE BEFORE ADEL CONNECTS TO THE GREAT EYE
   i think we’re probably late to the party on at least one of those counts
   s-sorry

   Also, in other news, Adel has broken out of his cocoon! He… now does not have any clothes. I feel so sorry for Alia in this scene, as Adel proceeds to not care at all, just sitting on his throne and telling Igor to move along with the plans and he’ll be a magistrate, for sure. … someone better clean that throne i stg

   SPEAKING OF MAGISTRATES IF OURS COULD STOP BEING RUDE TO ONARI THAT’D BE GREAT >:I shut up stop telling him to get out, he wants to be useful okay, you could at least send him out for coffee or tea or something, gosh

   Ah, or that lady with the son who needs an exorcist could show up, thus neatly giving our non-Sciences something to do, yay! SEE WE’RE USEFUL, WE’RE GONNA GO HELP THIS LADY’S SON. With exorcisms. Takeru, just do the swoosh eye gesture thing, it literally could not hurt.

   Elsewhere, looks like Demia’s planning a release of some sort, which means, uh, KMS needs to abuse a Mozart eyecon, again? For reasons? … bro i stg if all this nonsense is purely to get you that song you wanted way back, I will be the one slapping you next 

   Hmmm. No swoosh eye gesture things are happening over here, meanwhile, but 1) they probably should and 2) we probably should’ve sent one science over here, because that’s all the kid wants to talk about, and our puppy and Onari do not know what to even. Oops.

   Like sure, it’s probably not actually ghosts here, but c’mon, kid’s eyes are flashing red, that is a good time to TRY. … Or we could just leave and tell Akari about it and she can tell us that everybody affected by this (it’s widespread, oh joy!) is using the beta Demia contacts, which are basically Google Glass but functional. And evil. Or “more evil”, depending on your opinions.

   So off we go to question/tell Totally Not Possessed Bills about it, who of course denies any knowledge of this problem and promises to look into it but OH NO THERE’S ONLY SIX HOURS UNTIL THE OFFICIAL RELEASE. … Onari, stop pocketing some contacts back there. Unless you’re gonna give them to Akari, in which case, continue –

   ONARI. NOTE THAT MY APPROVAL WAS CONDITIONAL. I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD HAVE THEM IF YOU WANTED TO PUT THEM IN YOUR EYES. STOP THAT. OMG. Now you’re freaking out over Pi, and you’re probably gonna get us all killed. GDI, ONARIIIII

   Siiiigh, he just wanted to be useful. Anyway, we’ve got more immediate problems, as now that we’ve left Demia we’re getting bothered by KMS. Bro, why are you even bugging us, you have to know by know you can’t possibly take on Takeru, not even if it’s just him? So why???

   SERIOUSLY WE DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO USE INFINITE, WE JUST USED FREAKING BEETHOVEN AT YOU AND NOW YOU’RE JUST LEAVING. Why this at all, KMS. Why this.

   meanwhile: alia tries to get answers, gets none
   sorry honey, your ex-brother is now extra “only-crazy-lives-there-now”, so sorry

   GFDI MAKOTO STOP GIVING YOURSELF HEART ATTACKS. Also, if the Makoto Clones could just chill with the whole “WE ARE THE REAL NOW” thing, like, we get it, that’d be good too.

   OR ELDRITCH EMPEROR ADEL (now with 40% more Eldritch!) COULD JUST RECREATE ALL THE MISSING GANMEISERS AND NOW THEY’RE ALL MAKOTOS, SURE!! … Alia is Judging You so hard over there mister, and I cannot blame her, like, why your little brother’s boyfriend, bro, that is just creepy on so many levels 

   Aaaand now all the Makotos are one Makoto but all the Ganmeisers are back in Adel? Okay?? I’m just gonna join Alia in Judging and Being So Concerned, that’s our role now, we’ve accepted it

   Welp, back to our arc-plot in the meantime: now Client’s Child is holding long-distance conversations with the other contacts-users. He’s speaking their parts of the conversation too. Also we can’t just remove the contacts, they won’t come off. So that’s not extra creepy at all hahaha!!

   Hmm, Akari’s theorizing that there must be a server for all of this, though. Fair enough, good assumption, let’s find the thing and BREAK IT!! … hopefully that won’t also break all these people. … best idea we got, regardless

   UUUUGHHHH KMS WHY ARE YOU INTERRUPTING AGAIN? The most you are is a momentary distraction… which… uh… actually makes sense when you think you only need to stall for however-long-is-left on that 6-hour countdown. … OKAY FINE FAIR ENOUGH, DISTRACT ON THEN

   … I meant that more as a “I understand why you’re doing this now”, not as an approval for you to just TURN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE, INCLUDING ONARI, INTO EYECONS. And then turning them, not including Onari this time For Some Reason, into Ganmooks. … dude, rude 

   Thanks for showing up, though, we could use someone to help stop Takeru from just flailing around holding his punches forever. … And that assumption turns out to be right, anyhow! SO TAKERU MAKES TWO OF THEM STAB EACH OTHER THEN PUNCHES OUT THE EYECONS. WOW OKAY, LITTLE BRUTAL MUCH THERE, PUPPY?

  Right well problem solved, not five seconds after it was a problem! But fair enough, KMS is just trying to last-minute stall, that’s not the greatest environment for Master Plans. Anywho, we proceed to scare him off again, so I guess all that’s left is to go over to Onari and –

   MY NEXT WORDS WERE NOT GOING TO BE “AND ONARI POSSESSES ALAN”
   WH
   ONARI NO
   ONARI THAT’S
   YOU CAN’T JUST
   ONARI WHYYYYY 

Episode 44:

   The answer is “only crazy lives there now”. The answer is always that. But anyway yeah, time to update our Sciences on what’s going on and also note that we’re down to four days left, haha! So that’s great!

   Though I guess the bigger problem RIGHT NOW is that we’ve got 2 hours until a good chunk of the world population (probably) gets absorbed into the Matrix, or something. We should proooobably double-time it on finding that server, yup.

   HAHA YEAH MAKOTO YOU TAKE THOSE BACKUP MONKS AND GO TALK TO PRESIDENT BILLS, I’M SURE THAT’LL WORK SO WELL FOR YOU. pro-tip: it won’t, unless you exorcise him. Still think you should just stealth do that on everyone. It’d save so many headaches.

   OH RIGHT AND ONARI’S STILL IN ALAN’S BODY. GDI ONARI. I KNOW YOU WANNA BE USEFUL BUT UH. We’re mostly fighting Ganmeisers now. Especially now they’re all back again. And Alan is… severely under-equipped for those. Oh dear…

   Well, at least for now we’re only checking on the Client’s Child. He’s vanished. And by ‘vanished’ I mean ‘running an extreme temperature and also he’s gone invisible, so we find him via the shower’. Onari’s body has also gone invisible. … okay but it’s still probably working better than google glass so :V

   Like c’mon, Takeru just wanted to offer this lady some emotional support with a friendly hand on her shoulder, he could already gather that she really cares about her son, why these flashbacks, this power is so intrusive :(

   BUT HAHA NO WORRIES LADY NOTHING HAPPENED WE’LL SAVE YOUR SON FOR SURE AND NOW WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO DEAL WITH THAT CREEPY SONG THAT IS NOW SHATTERING WINDOWS HAHA OKAY BYE

   oh uh especially as it’s now turning your son into an eyecon which is flying off. Um. … Sorry your life is so weird, Takeru’s just gonna grab that AAAAND GET SUCKED INTO SOME KIND OF DATASTREAM, SURE. … Everyone’s life keeps getting weird and nothing is okay: The Kamen Rider Ghost Story

   Huh, okay. So the Matrix progression is Data Stream -> Cloud of Feather Memories -> Orange Soccer Field. … I’m going to assume this is mostly Takeru’s human brain struggling to parse what the heck this sensory data even is, and roll with that.

   Anywho, time to watch as Hiroki declares himself to be the world, and then gets yanked up into a capsule with a bunch of other beta-Demia-users who declare the same thing, at which point the capsules form a giant lens, which is flying towards the eye-symbol on a giant monolith. 

   … You know, sometimes you think you’ve hit peak weird, but it’s good to remember that no, you never have. There’s always weirder.

   ANYWHO SINCE A SONG SEEMS TO BE A KEY PART OF THE SHENANIGANS HERE, IT’S TIME. TIME FOR BEETHOVEN TO 9th SYMPHONY IT UP, GET SOME REAL MUSIC IN HERE, YEAAAAH! Also time for Takeru to throw some emotional memories into the song as a ride-along, but y’know, mostly it’s Music Time and I approve 

   And the force of everybody remembering that wait no I want to do other things than be part of a contact lens what the hell was I doing breaks the capsules, yaaaay! Okay, yep, time to get out of wherever the heck this is and go home, let’s do that

   Oh, nice, and the contacts have fallen out, even! … lady why were you letting a kid that young have data-contacts, honestly? I question you a lot. … Buuuut I suppose at least everyone’s happy. Hey, Sciences, have we found that server yet, please??

   Uh, nice to see you made it into a scene somehow, I guess. Poor Ray of Sunshine hasn’t been very relevant in a while, though I guess considering what’s going on that’s probably safest for her. Mad Shonen Strategies: be just kind of pleasant in the background but never important enough for the plot to care about you. 60% survival rate right there.

   Anywho, Background Kanons aside, heck YEAH the Sciences have found the server! Gonna go smash it, fix all our problems, yeah! <3 ilu scieeeence~~ (mostly akari) (but i’ll allow magisage to take a tiny bit of approval too)

   … Onari, why and how are you still possessing Alan – okay, y’know what, fine, nope, I’m done questioning it, I’m just going to watch as both Alan’s actor and the suit actor have the TIME OF THEIR LIVES pretending to be you for a bit. Well, until you actually join combat, because…

   YUUUUP WE’RE GETTING INTERRUPTED BY KMS AND OF COURSE HE’S BROUGHT ALONG SOME GANMEISERS. Which Alan is not equipped for. At all. though mostly he’s getting slapped by KMS but uhhhh i don’t even know. Sorry, Onari. You tried…

   Oh right and speaking of trying, meanwhile Makoto and the backup monks are indeed trying to convince President Bills, as they said they would. Buuut KMS reveals (outside, not to them) that NOPE BILLS WAS POSSESSED ALL ALONG, YOU MORONS. So nothing’s going well, no. We’re not having the best day here today…

   WELL AT LEAST AKARI’S GOTTEN INTO THE SERVER ROOM. Probably. Hopefully. I mean, all the heroes are too busy dealing with SUDDENLY GANMAS to help her, so uh, fingers crossed that there weren’t any ganma in there, I guess!

   MEANWHILE: Alia’s just sort of resigned herself to her role as Futile Logic, trying constantly to remind Eldritch Emperor Adel that hello this is sanity calling, you’re not friends with it anymore, why this, buuuut all she gets for it is knocked out. To be fair, the sweet release of unconsciousness is probably preferable to hanging out with Adel, at this point. … someone please help her, give her back a Driver, something

   Welp, nobody’s able to help Alia, so I guess we go back to trying to save the world instead. We’ve got just a little over a minute left, and Bills is rising from underneath the stage like the pretentious possessed jerk he is. Too bad our backup monks are too noodle-armed to do anything, here :( not that i’m sure what they’d do anyway   sorry guys you tried

   OKAY IT’S FINE WE MIGHT ONLY HAVE LIKE A MINUTE LEFT BUT AKARI’S FOUND THE SERVER AND ONARI’S HERE TO uhhh hold up some kind of blueprints for her? … He got kicked out of Alan and he’s still trying to help, okay

   ;A; HE’S TRYING SO HARD but when Akari asks him why he possessed Alan he does break down crying a little because he wants to be helpful but doesn’t think he is. Onari, onari no, it’s okay, you’re the heart of our group, you’re plenty helpful, we need you to be a strong emotional support so everyone else will not panic constantly

   … Which I wish Akari said here, but I guess just saying the “No, you’re absolutely important to Takeru, we are a team” is acceptable considering OH RIGHT WE’VE GOT UNDER A MINUTE LEFT. … I’m going to assume they had a talk about this later, when the world was not a minute away from going haywire. They’re pretty close, it probably happened.

   AAAAND LITERALLY DOWN TO THE FINAL SECOND BEFORE AKARI HACKS IT, SHEESH. Okay, well, that was awful close, but at least… we… oh gfdi KMS what did you do, why are you laughing 

   … Oh. That wasn’t the server for the main release at all. Just the beta server. We’ve uh. Kinda screwed up on every level today, huh. Welp. WELP. GOODBYE, 50 MILLION PEOPLE  which actually isn’t that huge a percentage of the total world population but y’know first day and all that

   And by “goodbye people” I mean “hello clearly visible data streams that we can follow to the server source”. Yup. Kiiiiind of a design flaw there, KMS. HEROES, AWAY! TO SAVE THE WORLD! HOPEFULLY FOR REAL THIS TIME!

   … 1) oh gfdi why did you put your server in an abandoned church you pretentious hacks 
   2) seriously there can’t be proper cooling in here
   3) WHY IS YOUR SERVER A MONOLITH oh who am I kidding of course it is
   4) actually that’s a really normal shape for a server, but I’m still questioning the lack of appropriate cooling
   5) also kind of questioning how just one little server like that is handling 50 million people’s brains and presumably all their thoughts, like, that’s gotta be a lot of data constantly happening, right??
   6) REALLY, JUST WHY

   ANYWHO questions aside I sure do hope just physically smashing it is the right answer here, ‘cause that’s what we’re doing! GET OUT THE WAY, GANMEISERS, GET OUT THE WAY, KMS

   Yup, that would be KMS’s fifth faceslap. (He tries to argue only four, discounting Alia, but Alia should never be discounted.) He also tried to block this one, but forgot that Akari has TWO HANDS. Get dunked, KMS.

   Right, so. KMS dealt with, Ganmeisers getting herded back into the server room by our newly-arrived secondary and tertiary (they can at least manage that… sometimes…), time to SMASH DAT SERVER!! GOD OMEGA DRIVE GO, SMASH THE SERVERS AND THE GANMEISERS, NO MORE MATRIX FOR YOU ADEL –

   oh uh
   hi adel
   please dont –
   ah, you’ve done it
   you are the server now
   welp

   oh and the two ladies from the Youtube Specials showed up, but until they reveal literally anything about themselves, i am going to ignore them, okay
      

OKAY. SECOND-TO-LAST AMAZON RECAP. LET’S DO THIS.
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OVERALL: In which Amazon should really be trusted on the subject of monsters-in-disguise, ‘FROZEN’ IS NOT A PROPER MEAL STATE, this world is revealed to be actually be a weird Civilization AU, and Tachibana tries really hard to fill the shoes left by our good friend Mole.

He fails. Miserably.
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Episode 21:

   Hey guys, I’m back from rioting over Mole’s death, so what are we coming back to now? … Apparently, something’s gonna try to eat Amazon. After… freezing him. … OKAY, SURE
   (also, can it really be called a ‘cannibal’ if, presumably, it is not a human at all?) (IT’S THE CRABS ALL OVER AGAIN)

   Anyway, we properly open with a couple of security guards being baffled at hearing ocean sounds at this random skyscraper. Investigating further, the sounds turn out to be… blood dripping from a sea anemone monster, dun dun dunnnn

   So of course the security guards get attacked, with the sea anemone monster SWITCHING ITS BLOOD WITH THEIRS, CAUSING THEM TO GROW SEA ANEMONES ON THEIR CHESTS AND THEN THEY CAN ATTACK OTHERS AND SPREAD THE SEA ANEMONES.
   SO WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS SEA ANEMONE ZOMBIES.
   OKAY, SURE 

   Because yeah he sure is making them but what’s the point, AKA: how does this end in Tokyo on fire? … Hmm, results unclear, but Cosplay Boss must’ve only been on a fifteen-minute break from his real job, as he barely listens to Anemone’s “YEAH IT’S WORKING” before he teleports off. Oh well. I’m sure we’ll see the fire come in at somepoint.

   For now: we finally check in with our protagonists! Amazon’s gotten real good at riding the Save Child bike, awww, I’m so proud of him <3

   But he’s not gonna be riding it for too long today, because Masahiko’s here with a New Friend to invite him out to an aquarium and I’m sure this will just be utterly adorable – UH. HEY. WAIT. GUYS. THIS KID’S DAD IS CLEARLY ONE OF THE ANEZOMBIES.

   LOOK, AMAZON CAN SMELL IT AND EVERYTHING! Guys, please listen to the monster-hunter when he says this guy is actually a monster? Please? He knows what he’s about? … No?

   Okay fine y’all deserve to get eaten if you’re not even gonna blink an eye when Mr. AnemoneDad here just does not even care that his kid’s run off in a huff ‘cause he was mad at Amazon, just says “nah he’ll totally meet us at the aquarium (that we have to take a car to)”. Like, no, that is not Normal Dad Behavior. Or at least it shouldn’t be.

   Also, in other news, Masahiko is clearly wearing a dress today. I’m sure that’s supposed to be a tunic, but no, it is a fringed dress top. A little more floof and it’d be a freaking tutu, for crying out loud. … And he’s rocking it, for the record

   OH HEY LOOK HE JUST LED YOU OUT TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND NOW HE’S A MONSTER, WHO COULD HAVE CALLED IT
   (amazon) (amazon called it) (y’all are morons today)

   Especially when you two just stop amazon from chasing after the monster for no reason. Seriously, he hadn’t gotten away yet, Amazon coulda caught him! And, uh, I dunno, then he probably woulda murdered him and then that other kid would be an orphan. … okay fine stopping him was the correct action here

   Besides, now Anemone’s here and… uh… they’re both just kinda flying sideways into a new locale, now? Okay? Whatever you want, editing…

   Or uh, not so new a locale, just like five further feet away from Masahiko and his sister, I guess. Sure. Why not. Anywho, a fight scene commences, and does not go well because
   1) we’re only ten minutes in
   2) anemone regenerates limbs, the cheater 
   3) anemone gets bored, turns into a tiny anemone, and then flies off into the sky. I guess his planet needed him.

   So uh yeaaaah, moving on, oh joy Mr. AnemoneDad’s found his son! Surely nothing bad will happen now OH WHOOPS HE’S TRYING TO EAT YOU, SORRY CHILD, SHOULDA LISTENED TO AMAZON, SHOULDA LISTENED TO MASAHIKO AND HIS SISTER WHO ALSO TRIED TO WARN YOU 

   Okay admittedly the kid doesn’t realize he was about to be eaten, but it’s pretty hard to be sympathetic when even I can tell he’s a pretty terrible actor. XD When I can tell even through a language barrier, that has to be pretty bad…

   Anywho, turns out Amazon was CONVENIENTLY STANDING ON A TRAP DOOR HERE (WHY WAS THAT HERE, WHY IS THAT A FEATURE OF THIS AQUARIUM), aaaand now he’s had a freeze chamber dropped on him (where did that come from?!). Uh. Welp.

   Yeah, uh, can’t fault Anemone’s logic here, Amazon is clearly some kind of froglizardbug and also from the Amazonthusclearly weak to cold. … And thus we freeze an Amazon toy into an icecube. NO, I’M NOT KIDDING.

   Also, meanwhile: at least 1200 people have died and/or become anezombies
   thanks for that specific number, show, that’s not a little terrifying at all, it can’t have been more than like an hour

   SMALL CHILD STOP TRYING TO CALL OUT TO YOUR FATHER
   STOP TRYING TO DEFEND YOUR FATHER
   THE SEA ANEMONE IS CLEARLY VISIBLE ON HIS CHEST
   HE IS GOING TO EAT YOU
   YOU ARE GOING TO BE DEAD AND/OR AN ORPHAN AND I HAVE LITTLE SYMPATHY, CHILD 

   Aaaand speaking of being eaten, Anemone has placed the Amazon-cube on a dining table, pulled out a giant knife and fork, and is now cutting into the cube. He plans. On eating Amazon. Like this. I. … ANEMONE, WHY

   Anywho that doesn’t go well because
   1) masahiko is in trouble with only a tachibana to protect him (and you sir are no mole), so amazon must Save Child
   2) IT WAS ALL A TRICK, AMAZON JUST WANTED THEM TO BRING HIM INTO THEIR FORTRESS
   3) yeah apparently he’s just immune to ice after all and coulda broken out anytime, sure, why not

   YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL DYING RIGHT NOW AMAZON but sure we can gamble on you murdering the regenerating anemone before they actually get eaten, sure, WHY NOT. 

   … Also, at least Garanda’s switched out their stationwagon for a jeep now. That’s… still pretty ridiculous, actually, BUT IT’S BETTER, OKAY

   DID I SAY REGENERATING
   BECAUSE APPARENTLY AFTER PUTTING the paper cutout of himself HIMSELF BACK TOGETHER ONCEAND GETTING KICKED IN THE TORSO, HE’S DECIDED HE CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE AND JUST DIES FOR REAL THIS TIME. … Well, that gamble paid off! And now a kid isn’t orphaned! Yaaaay!

   (whatever happened to that other orphan girl we had waaaay back?) (I still think about that, yes)

   And so, with another batch of converts to the One True Religion of Amazon, our episode ends with said Amazon riding off into the distance, while our Narrator once again hypes up our FINAL BATTLE WITH THE COSPLAY BOSS, IT’S GONNA HAPPEN GUYS

   well, i’d sure hope so
   i mean
   we only have three episodes left

Episode 22:

   Phew, I was starting to get a bit worried, what with the last plan not involving Tokyo being on fire at all! Anyway, amusing titlecards aside, we properly open today with a hunter (!!) trying to shoot down a Momonga Beastman. It goes about as well as you’d expect. (seriously though bro why’d you think you could shoot that, what do you have a permit for, because it’s probably not that.)

   In other news, Momonga Beastman has a “murderous gas’ that “melts the bodies of humans (it has a burning effect)”. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FLYING SQUIRRELS ARE KNOWN FOR, RIGHT?? then again it also freaking makes PLANE NOISES when it glides/flies so who the hell even knows 

   Anywho Momonga has a job today, and that job is not murdering random hunters, no! It is murdering… AN ENTIRE TOWN, USING INCAN POISON, DUN DUN DUNNN! Well, good to know “Inca” is still a thing too. We kinda forgot all about that element for a while, there.

   That was just a test portion of the poison gas, though, so now away to the airport to watch the arrival of the rest –

   But really, Garanda Man, it’s kinda your own fault for letting yourself get completely bowled over by a six year old. I don’t care if it’s a six-year-old who knows Masahiko, because of course she does Masahiko knows everybody! 

   (Masahiko’s still rocking the fringe-dress, by the by. You do you, Masahiko.)

   And Amazon’s here, because of course Masahiko rarely goes anywhere without his Giant Murder Son. Amazon recognizes the doll! He heard they might have a curse, but I’m sure that’s nothing important, unlike those OBVIOUS FRINGE-LUCHADORS OVER THERE. AMAZON, AWAYYYY!! 

   guys no
   smoke machines are not an escape method when they’re attached to your car
   the only reason Amazon isn’t just following the smoke cloud is because you also threw bike-luchadors at him
   the smoke was pointless

   Anywho, bike-murdering commences, but meanwhile we go over to Cosplay Boss for the revelation that, using the poison in this doll, the Incas MURDERED ALL SPANISH INVADERS. All of them. Annihilated. UM. 

   UM. I MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST AT HISTORY, BUT I’M STILL PRETTY DARN SURE THAT NEVER HAPPENED, GUYS. Guys, are you sure you didn’t mix up your history textbooks with a copy of Civilization?

   So uh, weird AU where Spain no longer currently exists, confirmed, I guess! … omg maybe that’s what’s up with Cosplay Boss, he’s not cosplaying, he’s representing like the last fragments of spain, he’s trying to conquer the world and return Spain to its TRUE GLORY 

   Well, regardless of SUDDENLY AUs, of COURSE this doll got swapped with literally the only other one in the world what kind of coincidence is that, and this one DOESN’T have poison, so Cosplay Boss shatters it and has this man murdered in rage. Well, so much for priceless artefacts…

   But don’t worry about Momonga over here. He may have been stalking Amazon and thus heard all that, BUT DO YOU THINK AMAZON CAN’T SPOT A BEAST STALKING HIM? HE GREW UP IN THE RAINFOREST ALL ALONE, FOOL amazon’s backstory is super depressing, someone hug him

   OH GDI GUYS WHAT THE HELL YOU GAVE THE POISON DOLL TO YOUR DAUGHTER? I mean yeah you don’t know it’s poison but like you had to know there’s only TWO of those in the whole world, right? Why would you give something that valuable to a six-year-old?! … All her other dolls look kinda horrifying though so I guess this one is an improvement

   Anywho it’s FIGHT TIME WITH MOMONGA and – wow, okay, do not underestimate Amazon’s observation skills, threaten children, and try to steal an artefact of his(?) culture. HE WILL MANAGE TO TRANSFORM OFF-SCREEN AT YOU, “ONLY 12 MINUTES IN” BE HANGED

   I mean Momonga still manages to flee, but dang, that fight was NOT going his way at all, unlike the usual midway fight. You done screwed up, Momonga. (Also, bonus points for Momonga asking Amazon to stop choking him, which he does… only to promptly punch Momonga in the face instead. XD)

   Welp, we still don’t know what’s up with the doll, but at least now we know Garanda’s after it, so let’s just take that away from the six-year-old, shall we –

   OR WE CAN JUST LET HER KEEP IT, BECAUSE SHE WANTS IT, THUS PUTTING THE FAMILY AT RISK, SURE. SURE. We are all terrible at making decisions today, the world will die in incan poisons and we only have ourselves to blame

   OKAY SO THAT WOULD BE TACHIBANA, NOT FIVE SECONDS AFTER HE WAS TOLD TO BE THE INSIDE GUARD, GOING OUT TO PICK UP A PACKAGE DELIVERY, LEAVING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN BEHIND HIM. 

   Also the package is totally a bomb and if not for Amazon interrupting we’d all be SUPER DEAD RIGHT NOW but y’know. Point is: Tachibana has failed on every level, you sir are no mole 

   AND THEN AMAZON TOOK THE BOMB AND GAVE IT BACK TO SOME BIKE-LUCHADORS, CLEARLY MURDERING THEM. … I can’t even be mad, Amazon has little concept of morality and besides, they obviously set that timer to be way too long. Their own fault, really.

   … guys no, there is no way you planned for Amazon to discover the bomb and bring it back to you, I don’t care if the too-long timer is evidence that you did, THAT’S A STUPID PLAN. THROWING A ROPE NET OVER AMAZON IS ALSO A STUPID PLAN. 

   You realize he’s super strong and lately he’s been on a slicing-things kick, right? You realize the only reason he’s not breaking out RIGHT NOW is because he’s hoping you’ll tell him things and/or stupidly bring him to your base, right? PLEASE. USE YOUR BRAINS.

   HAHA YUP AND NOW THAT YOU’VE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING IT’S TIME FOR HIM TO EASILY BREAK FREE. … Not quite in time to stop you from dropping more bombs, but luckily your aim is TERRIBLE so you haven’t hit the house with the poison gas doll in it AT ALL. Dude, come on.

   cool and now all your bombs are gone and Amazon’s caught up with you and yanked you out of the sky with Condora, GOOD JOB, A+, COSPLAY BOSS CHOSE YOU WELL, CLEARLY

   Masahiko do not just CASUALLY PICK UP THE THING THAT FELL OUT OF THE DOLL THAT GARANDA IS AFTER, OMG we are all going to die

   … And then Tachibana promptly takes it and tries to toss it into a fire. … You know. The thing that Momonga was trying to blow up to activate. Now. Next to a fire. … we are all going to die and it’s Tachibana’s fault 

   ALSO AMAZON WAS YELLING AT YOU NOT TO AND IS NOW YELLING AT YOU TO RUN AND IT STILL TAKES YOU A GOOD THIRTY SECONDS TO ACTUALLY DO SO LIKE?? why is everyone trying so hard to get killed today, omg

   Anywho, Momonga does not actually last long after that, getting himself (badly-edited) Amazon Kick’d and then exploding. Man, been a while since we had a monster do that! NOW, TIME TO ACTUALLY SAVE EVERYONE, OMG GET THAT AWAY FROM THAT FIRE, WHAT DO WE EVEN DO WITH THIS

   … Bury it underground, eh? Well, okay, I guess short of throwing it into space, that’d be our best option, yeah. Still feel like it could crack open and leak into something but EHHHH whatcha gonna do, we’re an idiot and a child and a MURDERCHILD, this is the best we got

   And so, with a small child getting to keep her doll after all, and Cosplay Boss’s Boss telling him it’s time to take care of Amazon personally (IT’S TOTALLY GONNA HAPPEN GUYS) (it had better omg), another episode ends! Just two more left to go…
     

… By this time next week, Amazon will be complete. I really don’t know how to feel about that… Unlike this heat we’ve been having this month. SCREW ALL OF THAT. GO AWAY. I WANNA BE ABLE TO SLEEP IN COMFORT. HMPH. Anyway, what have we got today?
_____________________________________________

OVERALL:RIOT.

THAT IS ALL.
_____________________________________________

Episode 19:

   1) WHY HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON FROM THE FIRSTTIME YOU TRIED INVOLVING CHILDREN
   2) Oh my gosh, you guys, I swear by all that is good, if this plan also involves setting Tokyo on fire, I am going to throw you all into the sun.

   So uh yeah we open with a bunch of kids, wearing googly eyes omg why have you done this, who are all uh… digging? … Please tell me you’re not digging for lava again. Please.

   Aaaand Amazon’s just kinda wandering around in the dead of night over here, I guess because he hasn’t got anything better to do i still have no clue where, or if, he sleeps. He spots the kids, but OH NO HE CAN’T FIGHT KIDS, WHAT DO???

   SHOUT UNTIL THEY ALL REMEMBER THEY HAVE A MEETING TO BE AT, OF COURSE! Said meeting involves a giant owlbear explaining what they’re all doing: trying to flood the subway systems, in order to sink Tokyo underground. Using child labor. For reasons. 

   … well, at least it’s not fire.

   OH AND ALSO, IN OTHER NEWS, THE CHILDREN CAN’T SEE WITHOUT THEIR GOOGLY EYES. WHY? WHO KNOWS, BUT IT’S KIND OF ODDLY HORRIFYING ANYWAY

   SERIOUSLY DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM GEDON? FROM THE BEES? DON’T FREAKING MESS WITH CHILDREN, AMAZON WILL EXTRA WRECK YOU. No wonder you keep getting trounced, your boss is a cosplaying office worker and your plans all involve either children or setting tokyo on fire

   Admittedly, there is the small problem here that Amazon doesn’t want to harm children, but I really feel like he shouldn’t have any problem just… y’know… gently shoving past them and killing the owlbear source of the issue.

   MEANWHILE: mole is watching some kids learn to draw. Now he wants to draw. Awwww. … BUT THEN SUDDENLY GARANDA KIDNAPPING, OH NOOOOO

   Which, uh. Apparently, hypnotizing a bunch of kids is as easy as dropping feathers on them and then yelling “CHILDREN, HYPNOTIZE” while waving your arms around! (With the minor downside of said children being blinded until ya put googly eyes on them, but still.) Who knew?! 

   OH SNAP AND MASAHIKO WAS ONE OF THE KIDS KIDNAPPED?!?! Well, at least Mole managed to rescue the teacher. And is informing Amazon of the problem immediately. And is generally still the most useful side-character. I love you, mole~ <3

   but seriously garanda y’all done screwed up now, y’all are dead, owlbear just go home and accept a quick death now, avoid the oncoming torture

   19 episodes in and I still see no reason to revise my theory that he just shouts his own name when he’s angry and lucks his way into that transformation without ever realizing what he’s doing, just saying. 

   Anywho yeah it’s only been 10 minutes so of course this isn’t going our way yet, boooo. And Owlbear’s cheating with those BLINDING FEATHERS, besides. A LACK OF EYESIGHT WILL NOT SAVE YOU FOREVER, OWLBEAAAAR

   Huh, so looks like the kids aren’t really hypnotized until the googly eyes are put on, uh, good to know, I guess? Point is, Masahiko’s trying real hard to preach the Good Word of Amazon to all these kids in this Garanda jail cell :V BELIEVE IN THE AMAZON AND YE SHALL BE SAVED 

   Haha, see! Not three minutes later and Amazon’s already restored his own eyesight, with AMAZON MEDICINE! you better be spending your time wisely, owlbear, because YOUR MINUTES ARE NUMBERED 

   Especially ‘cause the kids are being kept underground, and you know what we got? AN EXPERT IN UNDERGROUND RECONNAISSANCE. HECK YES MOLE TO THE RESCUE, love you buddyyyy <3

   Oh wow, not only has he already located the children, he’s figured out the enemy operation while he was at it! Seriously, most useful sidekick, Tachibana you are being outshone by a freaking mole, etc etc

   … Er, uh, well, he wasn’t fast enough that we could stop them from flooding one subway tunnel. So that’s like, maybe a hundred people dead, and untold amounts of property/economic damage, right there. … BUT WE’LL STOP THEM FROM DOING ANY MORE, RIGHT?

   Meanwhile: Cosplay Boss has another meeting with his mystery boss, gets premature congratulations on his plan’s success, yet again confirming that Boss Boss is a total softie 

   Anyway back to Owlbear’s operations and WHOOPS INTERRUPTING AMAZON INTERRUPTS! TRANSFORMED THIS TIME! OWLBEAR, JUST GIVE UP, JUST GO HOME AND ACCEPT YOUR QUICK DEMISE, THIS IS YOUR ONE CHANCE 

   seriously, you’d better take it while amazon’s busy unburying these poor children you just used as a stalling tactic
   you’d better 

   OH DID I SAY AMAZON WAS BUSY? BECAUSE NOW HE’S NOT
   BECAUSEMOLE IS MVP 1974, HECK YESSSSS 

   I know it’s a little unclear, but what’s going on there is that the owlbear shot off his own arm like a rocket, attacking Amazon’s face and blinding his eyes through the suit. What. 

   I mean, not that this stops Amazon from slicing off the owlbear’s head, BECAUSE THE GIGI ARMLET HAS ANOTHER DEUS EX MACHINA, IN THE FORM OF ‘CHANNELING HIS BRAVERY’ TO SPONTANEOUSLY HEAL HIS EYESIGHT. 

   And not that this was more ‘wtf’ than frog beastman and his two heads, but SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT. WHAT WAS ANY OF THAT. … Ah, right, Kamen Rider Amazon, that’s what that was…

   And so we end with all the children getting freed, and Amazon praising Mole for being such a good friend, which means Mole is happy even if he has to leave before the kids get there, ‘cause otherwise he’ll scare them. <3 AWWWW MOLE, THISSWEETHEART, I LOVE HIIIIM~

   … preview what do you mean mole’s in trouble next time
   no
   don’t you dare
   don’t you dare do this to me, 1970s children’s television!!

Episode 20: SCREW YOU AMAZON:

   I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND HERE, AMAZON. DON’T YOU FREAKING DARE DO THIS TO ME. YOU ARE A SHOW MEANT FOR CHILDREN. DO NOT! … I say, as if Kamen Rider Amazon has ever cared that it is a show for children.

   Anyway, we open today with a bus full of pig farmers (???) getting eaten alive by a bunch of green iron filings getting pulled around by a magnet GARANDA MOLD, DUN DUN DUN. … okay but why tho, garanda

   Aaaand a small child has seen it. Welp, looks like it’s time for Garanda to ONCE AGAIN fail to capture a seven-year-old – THIS TIME BECAUSE MOLE IS SAVING HER! M-Mole is so good and pure, why this, show

   NO AMAZON MOLE IS NOT BULLYING THE CHILD ;A; HE JUST SAVED HER, SHE IS CRYING BECAUSE SHE IS SILLY AND THINKS HE’S A MONSTER. Which, uh, he is, but… look, trust the Friend to All Children here, small child! Mole is not a monster! Mole is friend-shaped!

   Anywho yeah the garanda fringe-luchadors try to go back and tell their boss they succeeded, but Cosplay Boss has already heard of the shameful failure to capture a seven-year-old so there goes another 5 minions. How do they keep having any more, I wonder?

   DON’T USE THE MOLD ON A FAMILY WITH A BABY NEXT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, NO WONDER YOU GOT FREAKING CANCELLED. I don’t care if the baby’s somehow miraculously survived, its parents just melted on top of it, and that’s still horrifying 

   Oh, also, in other news, our enemy today is a “mushroom” beastman, and mostly it looks like the world’s grodiest muppet. I really don’t know how to feel about this, but I burst out laughing every time he’s on screen, anyway.

   Aaaand meanwhile, Masahiko’s dressed like a bee. I’m not entirely certain, but this stripes-and-plaid outfit he’s got going on might be his best one yet, though. Regardless, time to go check on that baby! Amazon and Mole, because Mole is insistent on being involved today! … mole no mole stop

   guys
   i have a proposal for you
   mole safe or we riot 

   OH COOL THE MOLDMUPPET’S BACK FOR THE BABY, GREAT, WONDERFUL. At least Amazon’s already here! GET OUT, MOLDMUPPET, GET OUT

   MOLDMUPPET I DID NOT INTEND FOR YOU TO TAKE THE BABY WITH YOU, JUST BTW FYI. Now please put the baby doll down and back away and nobody needs to die today. … well okay cosplay boss will kill you but it will be a more merciful death

   Aaaaand then Amazon easily steals the baby back not two seconds later. … Moldmuppet, seriously, just go home okay, just go home – 

   UHHH AND I GUESS THEN HE DID BECAUSE WE SERIOUSLY CUT FROM HIM GOING “OH NO THE BABY” RIGHT TO INSIDE THE HOSPITAL WITH DOCS CHECKING OUT THE BABY LATER. Okay, sure. Editing, what is editing…

   At least from this latest murderspree (I guess Moldmuppet thought that murders would make cosplay boss happy? worth a shot I guess) our protagonists have learned that MOLD is the cause of melting! They didn’t know before because even the mold melts away, you see. Which makes me wonder how they knew people had died and not just vanished but I guess I don’t need to know that, ew

   MOLE NO ;A;
   I MEAN YES YOU CAN GO INVADE GARANDA’S BASE WITH YOUR UNDERGROUND EXPERTISE AND BE A USEFUL HERO AND ALL BUT
   NO DO NOT DO ANYTHING TODAY, DID YOU NOT SEE THE TITLE CARD 

   … *sniffle* and amazon tries to get him to stay but NO HE CAN AT LEAST DO THIS and everyone is so supportive of their mole and this is so good and pure, help

   MOLDMUPPET DON’T YOU DARE, DON’T YOU FREAKING DARE, omg mole you’ve seriously been out five seconds and already you’re caught, gdi shoulda let Amazon go

   Well, at least Mole has TACTICS! Tactics like, pretend to join the enemy side! Haha see it works because Mole has almost always been Survival First, it’s believable, we’ve still got this we totally don’t got this   MOLE SAFE OR RIOT 

   Yeaaaah we’ve got a moldball! All contained and safe! This is great, gonna take this to Amazon and the doctors and they can inspect it and yeaaah moldmuppet is an idiot and –

   NO SCREW YOU MOLDMUPPET YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CATCH ON AND STALK MOLE, NO, SCREW YOU, GO DIE IN THE FIRE Y’ALL LOVE SO MUCH
   GUYS
   WE NEED AN ANTIDOTE, RIGHT NOW 

   NO SHUT UP EVERYBODY, ANTIDOTE, NOW. Yes, like that! Hurry hurry hurry! Science faster! SAVE THE PRECIOUS GOOD MOLE OR I WILL THROW YOU ALL INTO THE SUN

   YES YES ANTIDOTE ACHIEVED NOW GIVE IT TO MOLE – mole why are you refusing the antidote
   no don’t you freaking dare say it’s too late
   we can at least try, you garbage monster ;A; 

   but no
   because there is nothing good in the world
   and mole is dead
   and everyone is crying
   especially the children
   and amazon can’t even decide which chain link fence to cling to in despair
   … screw everything I’m going home 

    okay I’m back because I realized I want to see this muppet die, and also I was already home so I didn’t really have anywhere to go. Anyway yeah HAHA NO YOU CAN’T MELT AMAZON, AMAZON IS INVINCIBLE, BECAUSE MOLE WAS THE BEST GDI. … moooole ;A;

   also it turns out the mold is weak against the common cold. … So it’s actually War of the Worlds aliens. Okay then. Mole didn’t need to die for this, screw everything. 

   BUT ESPECIALLY YOU, MUPPET. YEAH YOU’D BETTER BE GETTING WRECKED, YOU’D BETTER GET FREAKING FILLETED YOU BASTARD, AMAZON IS SHRIEKING HIS RAGE OVER MOLE WITH MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION MARKS AND EVERYTHING –

   oh huh yup there he goes, that head got super gory. You know, relatively speaking. … Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go riot.
     

- dawn of the ninth recap -
THREE RECAPS REMAINING
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: In which Cosplay Boss just really, really hates Tokyo for some reason. I guess he’s more of a country guy than a city guy, maybe? Regardless, this sure is a thing our villains are doing. For reasons. Probably.
_____________________________________________

Episode 17:

   JUST SAYING I’m pretty sure those are all printed on company paper, he’s gonna get such a write-up for wasting company resources when somebody notices :V … Anyway yeah, Cosplay Boss is in a bit of a pinch right now!

   Because, remember, his boss gave him three days to take over the world. So of course his first action is to murder a bunch of underlings. THAT’LL HELP. … And then his second action is to double down on the ‘set tokyo on fire’ plan. … i’m starting to see why y’all are in trouble, here

   ALSO: IN OTHER NEWS: OUR NEW MONSTER IS A FROGMAN WITH A FROG FOR A HEAD
   LIKE JUST A WHOLE FROG, WITH LITTLE LEGS AND ALL, SITTING WHERE HIS HEAD SHOULD BE
   OKAY THEN 

   Anyway for whatever reason the new Tokyo On Fire Plan involves setting off one volcano, digging a tunnel to Mt. Fuji for some reason,causing Mt. Fuji to erupt, and then digging ANOTHER tunnel under Tokyo. I. Um. Okay sure why not.

   SO YEAH TIME TO JOIN A TOUR BUS GOING TO MT. FUJI TODAY, SURELY NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN OH WAIT HERE’S GARANDA, WHOOPS, TIME TO WORK IN THE LAVA MINES KIDDOS 

   and by kiddos I mean everybody except this one kid, because he ran off when the bus stopped for a leg-stretching break, and thus escaped the kidnapping. YO KID GO FIND AMAZON, YOU ARE A CHILD SO THIS SHOULD BE EASY :V

    Fringe Luchador, you really need to rethink your question-answering strategies. Anyway yeah time for these losers, and a bunch of other kidnapped people, to dig to lava! By hand! … so uh how long is this gonna take, y’all realize you’ve got three days right??

   Oh, uh, everybody except this one lady who got MURDERED BY FROGMAN for some reason. Also this other guy doesn’t want to explode Mt. Fuji because he named his son after it (!!!), but gets roped into it when his son is vaguely threatened. Even though Frogman totally did not catch his son at all. But I guess he doesn’t know that, so fair enough.

   AAAAND MEANWHILE, COINCIDENTALLY ENOUGH, MASAHIKO AND HIS SISTER HAVE FOUND THE ABANDONED TOUR BUS. I guess they were just biking up to Mt. Fuji themselves, today? I… guess? … well it’s not the weirdest coincidence I’ve ever seen, I suppose

   Anywho, this of course lets them meet Lone Survivor Kid, which means Amazon is gonna be on his way! Lucky you, kid, you might not have to be an orphan! Unlike that one poor girl. Who we never saw again. Gosh, I hope she’s alright.

   Oh nice, and Amazon’s already on the Save Child bike and everything! AWAY, TO RESCUE THAT KID’S DAD! And probably some other kids too, let’s be real here Garanda is not above child labor

   And by “we” I mean “we, the audience,” because thanks, choppy editing. Anyway yeah, WHOOPS LOOKS LIKE GARANDA’S GOT THE KID AFTER ALL, SAVE CHILD BIKE WILL NOW BE SERVING ITS TRUE PURPOSE 

   Oh, cool, they must’ve only just grabbed the kid and Ritsuko, since Amazon catches up to them not two seconds later. AW YEAH GRAPPLE HOOKS AW YEAH NO KIDNAPPING FOR YOU AW YEAH YOU WANT SOME TOO, FROGMAN –

   and then
   the frogman threw his head at amazon 
   he has a smaller sorta-more-person-like head under the frog head
   i
   what 

   SO UH YEAH AFTER I JUST ABOUT DIED LAUGHING, Mole saves Amazon from this cunning strategy. Because Amazon is forgetting to henshin again, so uh, yeah. WELP. WE’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, HILARIOUS FROGMAN 

   Especially because whoooops while we were distracted by having a frog’s head thrown at us, Fuji Kid and Ritsuko got re-kidnapped! SAVE CHILD BIKE, AWAY, PART 2!

   … Er, after Amazon gets patched up. Sorry, everyone, including the dude literally getting carted away in a wheelbarrow. I guess frogmen are just the natural enemies of frogbugs?

   Also for some reason Frogman wants to send Fuji Kid’s dad to get more workers instead of oh I dunno the actual minions he has, but anyway – UH WOAH WOAH WOAH GUYS ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GONNA BREAK LOOSE THE LAVA, WHAT ABOUT –

   yup there they go, all those workers dead, welp
   y’all are terrible at dwarf fortress, you know that

   AAAAND NOW SOMEPLACE IS ON FIRE. I don’t think it’s Tokyo yet, but uh, fire is literally pouring out of like sinks and stuff, I don’t know how that works but THIS SURE IS HAPPENING and I have no clue how it helps them take over the earth, at all 

   In other news, Mole is really really mad that his underground tunnels are all hot/possibly lava-filled, and Tachibana’s getting kidnapped, because Fuji Kid’s Dad is wearing Evil Eyeshadow now (??) and for some reason thought Tachibana would be useful (???)

   MEANWHILE: amazon gets ideas on how to beat frogman from spinning tops
   this is happening, i don’t even know, okay 

   Regardless, SAVE CHILD BIKE TIME, PART TWO, FOR REALS THIS TIME! And Amazon’s transformed and everything! And Tachibana is… trying to be useful and kind of succeeding? I mean I’m pretty sure he just sent Ritsuko and Masahiko in the direction of Frogman but he’s trying –

   AMAZON HOW DID YOU NOT PASS MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO ON YOUR WAY IN? HOW??? ugh whatever now they’re getting stopped by Frogman, just as I figured. How do these tunnels even work and why do we even need to make Mt. Fuji erupt 

   OHSNAAAAP BUT MOLE TO THE ACTUALLY USEFUL RESCUE, SUCCESSFULLY STALLING FROGMAN AND GIVING MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO A PRIVATE ESCAPE TUNNEL AND LEADING EVERYONE ELSE TO SAFETY <3 <3 you go mole, best side-character

   Alright, and with that, all that’s left is to murder a frog! … After it throws its head at us again. brb laughing forever –

   Did I say laughing forever before? Because scratch that, now I am laughing forever and actually dying, Amazon I don’t think this was actually necessary, I think now that you’re actually transformed it’s fine, this is not helping my theory that you do not realize you transform buddy 

   Anyway yeah after that he slices apart a picture of Frogmanon a cel screen with a Big Slice and defeats him, yaaaaay victory for JUSTICE! And spinning. Or something. … That other town is still totally on fire and I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to stop it, by the by. JUST. JUST SAYING.

   Also I’m pretty sure that all took more than just 3 days, but uh, Cosplay Boss’ boss actually doesn’t seem too fussed about it, SO I GUESS WE’RE FINE AFTER ALL? Jeez no wonder Cosplay Boss was so chill about that time limit, he knows his boss is all talk :V

   AND SO WE PROPERLY END WITH EVERYONE LOOKING AT MT. FUJI AND BEING HAPPY
   WHILE SOMEWHERE OUT THERE A TOWN BURNS
   THANKS AMAZON

Episode 18:

   Ah, we open today at a lighthouse! Unfortunately for it, Garanda’s setting up nearby, so it’s probably doomed. SORRY, LIGHTHOUSE

   AND SORRY, NICE FAMILY THAT LIVES NEAR IT. You all look adorable, but you’re sadly doomed, as it turns out that device is some kind of EARTHQUAKE MACHINE. And now the lighthouse, and your house, are all broken. … Is it? Can it be? A plan that doesn’t involve setting Tokyo on fire?! 

   so, the little girl manages to escape and run for help, but unfortunately runs straight into Garanda – WHOOOO TOTALLY FAILS AT CAPTURING HER. GUYS. THIS GIRL CANNOT BE MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLD. YOU HAVE ALL JUST FAILED. AT CAPTURING. A TEN YEAR OLD. 

   Admittedly, part of why they failed to grab her is because she jumped off a cliff (!) and coincidentally fell right in Amazon’s arms, but still. Amazon, what kind of lessons are you even teaching to children. 

   Anyway, Tiger Beetle Beastman heads on back to report his success to Cosplay Boss, and Cosplay Boss tells him to go use it on Tokyo immediately. Which, uh, I guess at least it isn’t fire this time, but… why do you hate Tokyo so much, man?!

   TACHIBANA WHAT THE HELL, WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING THESE FOLKS’ STORY? I mean yes it is super weird that the earthquake was that localized but you could go and see the broken lighthouse for yourself, it freaking happened okay, AMAZON CONFIRMS HE SAW IT, stop being so rude right in front of these people, you are the worst  

   Yeah see and the little girl totally saw Garanda, it’s just another Weird Monster Plot, so shut up and maybe help everyone not die in the EARTHQUAKE THAT’S HAPPENING HERE NOW, OH NOOOOO 

   so uh yeah probably quite a few people actually died in that hospital just now, whoops. Especially because the building’s on fire. So even when their main plan isn’t fire, they’re still trying to set Tokyo on fire. Wonderful.

   Well regardless, Amazon’s spotted Garanda this time, so AWAY, ON THE SAVE CHILD CITY BIKE! One day, perhaps, Garanda will realize that maybe they should start their take-over-the-world plans somewhere that isn’t here. Perhaps. Or maybe Cosplay Boss just hates Tokyo that much, I don’t even know.

   … It’s not quite Frogman-Head-Throwing level, but I’m still laughing really hard here, just for the record. THIS IS A STRATEGY HERETOFORE UNTRIED, POINTS FOR CREATIVITY, TIGER BEETLE

   Hmm. Well, it’s stopped Amazon from going after the earthquake machine, but now you’re stuck here with him. Which will probably be alright for you considering we’re only halfway through the episode, but will it be pleasant? 

   ANSWER: NO, OF COURSE NOT, AMAZON BITES. Only when he’s not henshined, lately, though. Kinda weird. Well, anyway, Tiger Beetle cheats and throws a pincer-dagger at him before running off. LAME.

   ALSO LAME: EARTHQUAKES. There goes a dam! And a schoolful of children! And I think Mt. Fuji erupted for real this time! (That one kid’s dad is gonna be SO mad.) AND POOR MOLE’S HOUSE IS ALL WRECKED!!

   MURDER GARANDA, REVENGE FOR MOLE, MOLE’S HOUSE SAFE 1974 OR RIOT 

   okay yes also probably hundreds of thousands of people are dead and Amazon’s injured and there’s any amount of other things to murder Garanda for, but mole’s house, guys :( 

   AWWW AND NOW MOLE’S ALL ANGRY SO HE’S GONNA FIND THE DEVICE HIMSELF AND TELL AMAZON WHERE IT IS <3 BEST. SIDE. CHARACTER. go go action moooole~

   WHY DO YOU HAVE A RECORDING DEVICE JUST HANGING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS RANDOM FIELD, WHY THIS, SCREW ALL Y’ALL 

   Well, regardless, all it really means is that now Cosplay Boss is mad that Amazon’s on to their schemes, so now Tiger Beetle’s attacking Amazon directly, with a bunch of dudes! BUT AMAZON HAS HENSHINED THIS TIME, OH DEAR, rip fringe-luchadors

   i mean it, rip, i’m pretty sure several spines were just broken
   and yet, tiger beetle jumps in here anyway
   RIP IN ADVANCE, TIGER BEETLE –

   … And then they buried Amazon underground with the earthquake machine, by playing an explosion effect backwards. Um. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, at least they were smart enough to close up the hole and bury him properly, otherwise we might’ve had a use for Condora again!

   HEY MOLE WOULD YOU CARE TO RESCUE AMAZON
   ‘CAUSE UH Y’KNOW
   HE’S BURIED UNDERGROUND AND NOW GARANDA’S GONNA MESS UP A BULLET TRAIN
   SO SOME HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED

   oh uh nope, 1000 meters underground is too much for poor Mole. … Y’know what? Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to dig that far either, bro. Welp, guess we’re all doomed, sorry guys, we had a good run but it turns out earthquake machines are what kills us, RIP tokyo –

   OH WAIT NEVER MIND
   THE GIGI ARMLET CAN JUST
   “CREATE A STRONG ACCELERATOR IN A MOMENT”
   THUS ALLOWING US TO PLAY THE EXPLOSION EFFECT FORWARDS AND SHOOT AMAZON BACK UP OUT OF THE GROUND
   THIS IS “KAMEN RIDER AMAZON’S ONE HIDDEN ABILITY”
   OKAY THEN 

   … This is never getting mentioned again, is it. Just like that Spin Kick he did last episode. Kamen Rider Amazon, everybody.

   HAHA BET Y’ALL THOUGHT YOU BURED AMAZON
   TURNS OUT HIS ARMLET’S A DEUS EX MACHINA
   RIP FOR REALS THIS TIME, GUYS, CAN’T BEAT THAT

   Yaaaay, the Save City Bike has done its job! And now all that’s left is the monster. … Don’t suppose you’d care to just go back home and get a swift death, instead of whatever Amazon’s about to inflict on you?

   Nnnnope. And thus a bunch more spines get broken, and Tiger Beetle gets slashed, kicked, bitten (yaaay, he’s doing that while henshined again!), and ultimately, Big Slice’d to death. Today’s nightmare for the costuming department: orange foam!

   HAHA YES SMALL EARTHQUAKE CHILD, HAIL AMAZON AS YOUR SAVIOR, JOIN THE AMAZON CULT, MASAHIKO COMMANDS IT! … I kid, I kid. Everyone’s happy, we’re ignoring that those people are now homeless and at least tens of thousands are probably dead, good times!

   Also, Cosplay Boss’ Boss confirmed a Total Softy, tells Cosplay Boss not to worry about this latest failure, he’ll give him a BETTER BEASTMAN. Jeez, why’d you even bother giving him that three-day limit in the first place, then…? UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: THE KAMEN RIDER AMAZON STORY

aaaaa there’s only 8 episodes left after this aaaaaa i’m not ready
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: So, we’ve got a new villain group today, and they’re, uh… Well, they seem to be led by a cosplaying businessman, and they’re going to set Tokyo on fire. Yes,allof Tokyo. Even the water is not safe.
   Kamen Rider Amazon, man.
_____________________________________________

Episode 15:

   I said it before and I’ll say it again: no generation knows how to dress their children. They just think they do, until 20 or so years later we all realize that no, they didn’t. Anyway, in other news, the new Garanda Empire has learned nothing from Gedon, and their first action is going after children. MEET THE NEW EMPIRE, JUST AS STUPID AS THE OLD EMPIRE

   They do have sensible sedans (painted yellow and black camo for some reason), though. THE PERFECT VEHICLE FOR ALL YOUR CHILD-STEALING NEEDS brb dying of laughter at these teleporting sedans 

   So, some poor random civilian-dude sees all this and runs to call the police, ONLY FOR A BEE MONSTER TO DO A RIDICULOUS SCREEN-WIPE ENVELOP HIM IN DARKNESS BEFORE IT KILLS HIM, LEAVING HIM A FLAMING PILE OF MUSH, DUN DUN DUNNNN. Bees, my god.

   Oh, and they’re kidnapping these children to be part of the bee’s “hive”, which… which means dressing them up in all black, adding some silly makeup, and making them carry stingers around in their mouths. I. Okay, sure, Amazon, whatever you want.

   Haha but seriously he looks like some random businessman who just decided to cosplay as an evil mastermind one day, and now there’s this huge evil organization with actual monsters and stuff, and it’s all gotten out of hand but he doesn’t know how to stop it so he just tells them to take over the world using child soldiers.

   Because that’s their plan today, btw. I like how they say “we won’t repeat Gedon’s mistakes,” and then their very first plan is repeating Gedon’s biggest mistake, with a dash of ‘lol who cares about amazon anyway’ for good measure. A+ villaining, guys.

   Oh hey, finally time to see our heroes! Yup, there sure is a new bad guy. And y’all ain’t gonna like what they’re doing now, just saying – OH AND YOU’RE GONNA FIGURE IT OUT RIGHT AWAY, COOL. Well, at least the child-kidnapping part. Save Child Bike, awayyyy! After the Sensible Sedan of Evil! … wtf even is this show, can we go back to the Sporty Jeeps of Evil please

   Probably not, because now is BEE TIME, OH NOOOO!
   bee
   bee
   soon you will learn the error of your ways
   be told :V

   JUST SAYIN’, BRO. Anyway, Bee tries to keep Amazon from chasing down the child-kidnapping fringe-luchadors, but Mole trips him up, because Mole still exists and is still 20 times more useful than Tachibana. Thanks, buddy! <3

   … Well, okay, Amazon just got distracted by trying to ask you about the new enemies, and then you proceeded to refuse to talk about them, but I’d still say you’re 20 times more useful. THANKS, BUDDY

   WHY ARE YOU MAKING THE POOR CHILDREN HAVE TO TRY AND TALK AROUND THE STINGERS
   WHY
   also lies, they will not be happy at ‘bee school’, nobody will ever be happy at any school, I am pretty sure that is how those work

   THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE THE STINGERS IN THEIR MOUTHS, THIS KID JUST USED HIS AS A HANDHELD DAGGER DURING COMBAT TRAINING
   WHY ARE YOU MAKING THEM CARRY THOSE IN THEIR MOUTHS, GUYS 

   Awwww and Mole continues to be most useful, warning Masahiko about the child-kidnapping bad guys <3 … I mean, that kind of has the opposite effect of making Masahiko decide to GO HELP AMAZON, but y’know, he tried??

   WELL GEE MASAHIKO
   I WONDER WHETHER YOUR FRIEND, WHO IS SUDDENLY TALKING IN A MONOTONE AND WEARING WEIRD EYESHADOW OF EVIL, IS LEGIT
   PRO-TIP: HE IS NOT, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA, STOP FOLLOWING HIM PLACES, YOU WILL BECOME A BEE and that’s terrible, just ask the hoppers 

   Welp, at least he left his sister a note, so now she’s run off to find Amazon and hopefully a rescue will be imminent. Hopefully. Maybe. GDI, Garanda, y’all are gonna die. 

   Haha but seriously guys he’s wearing the Eyeshadow of Evil, do not trust him even if he manages to not speak in a monotone. … Maybe that other kid just naturally speaks that way, hence why Masahiko saw nothing suspicious at all?

   Anywho, Amazon has noticed the EVIL, thank goodness, but he’s going along with the trap anyway, ‘cause how else is he gonna find their evil base? AMAZON “FALLING INTO TRAPS IS A PLAN” RIDER, AWAYYYY

   XD AMAZON WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT ROPE AND BIT OF CLOTH TO BIND & GAG EVIL-MASAHIKO WITH?? (It’s not his grapple-belt, he uses that five seconds later.) Ah, whatever. Guess that’s handled, anyway. Time to go murder a bee!

   and by murder a bee I mean get attacked by children which he can’t fight back against because he’s not got that much rope and cloth, whoops – oh, but then the kids just kinda back off? Okay then, guess it’s bee time after all!

   Yet again, not enough chomps, but plenty of actual combat skills. Still don’t know how to feel about this. OTHER THINGS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT: BEE KIND OF JUST LAUNCHED ITS ENTIRE THORAX AT AMAZON, AMAZON JUST KICKED IT BACK WITHOUT EVEN CARING, WHAT

   Aaaand now its head is sliced and Amazon is covered in foam. I think I’ll have that be the preview shot today, because holy frig how many times did that poor suit need cleaning, poor costume department 

   Aaaaaaaand two seconds later the foam is all gone and now Great Emperor Businessman is telepathically (???) yelling at Amazon that RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, despite all current evidence to the contrary. XD OKAY BRO GET BACK TO YOUR DAY JOB ALREADY

   Anyway thankfully the antidote to BEE POISON was kept in the bee’s thorax (?!?!?!), so all the kids are saved, hurraaaay! And thus we can end with a bunch of kids getting left in a quarry, while Amazon speeds off on his bike with Masahiko. … Amazon is not the brightest friend to all children, okay

Episode 16:

   JUST A BUNCH OF FRINGE-LUCHADORS CARRYING SOME WEIRDO WITH A STAFF THROUGH SOME KINDA ANCIENT GRAVEYARD WHILE AMAZON LOOKS ON IN CONFUSION, YUP, JUST A NORMAL TUESDAY OVER HERE. And then they teleported away, or something. … Amazon, your life is weird.

   NOT EVEN THE CAMERA COULD HANDLE IT, IT JUST SPUN UPSIDE-DOWN AS OUR SCENE TRANSITION XD Speaking of that though, now we’re at a train station, and Weird Guy is selling random gewgaws outside! TOTALLY LEGIT ITEMS NOT CURSED AT ALL, PLEASE BUY

   … psssst masahiko’s sister, that was sarcasm, please stop buying the cursed beetle, I don’t care if these claim to be from the amazon and thus you think your amazon might like it, please stop

   GDI AND IF YOU’RE BUYING IT FOR AMAZON THEN WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT ON, I DON’T CARE IF IT’S A BROOCH, STOP –

   And this is why you don’t buy 100-yen trinkets from mystery men hanging out outside train stations, folks. Because your screen will get covered in blood, and then the mystery man will turn out to be a diving beetle, and then he’ll eat you a bit, and basically, your life doesn’t need that weirdness.

   MEANWHILE: another Mystery Man is filling a trench full of gasoline, which the returning diving-beetle promptly dives into. And gets set on fire. This doesn’t seem to bother it at all. … YEAH OKAY YOU DO YOU, DIVING BEETLE

   SO UH HEY MISTER COSPLAY BOSS, WANNA EXPLAIN WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? … Ah, your plan today is to set Tokyo on fire. All of it. Um. Why?

   WHO KNOWS BUT HE SURE DID MURDER THAT POOR UNSUSPECTING FRINGE-LUCHADOR JUST TO SERVE AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT’LL HAPPEN TO DIVING BEETLE IF HE FAILS. Bro. I think everyone gets that murder is the penalty for failure by now. Please stop murdering your own people.

   Anyway, back over to Masahiko’s sister! She’s fine, apart from a “case of anemia” LOLOLOL. Guys no it was an evil magic diving beetle. … Wow, and I think Amazon’s actually figuring out this was a Garanda plan. Good job, clever murderchild!

   MEANWHILE, AGAIN: diving beetle blows up a bomb factory
   ‘cause he’s just kinda a jerk like that
   I mean this isn’t even anywhere near tokyo probably, seems pretty remote, as y’know, you’d want a bomb factory to be
   jerk 

   NOW, MIND YOU, SOME OF THESE OTHER PLACES HE’S BLOWING UP, LIKE A GAS STATION? YEAH OKAY THOSE ARE PROBABLY MORE LEGIT RELATED TO SETTING TOKYO ON FIRE. …which it now kind of is. Probably not all of it, but yup those sure are buildings on fire! WELP

   Thanks for showing off that Amazon isn’t the only one who can knock at windows, though. You’re a dear. Now go back underground where you’re safe, you’ve hit your More Useful Than Tachibana quota for today~

   AND THEN A DIVING BEETLE FREAKING SET SOME WATER ON FIRE.
   I.
   I JUST.

   NO. 

   At… at least it went out quickly…? UGH WHATEVER LET’S GET THIS FIGHT OVER WITH, IT’S TOO EARLY TO KILL DIVING BEETLE SO WHATEVER, LET’S JUST DO THIS AND BE DONE

   … Wow, jeez, I know I said it’s too early and all, but wow amazon is not having a fun time against this diving beetle monster – AAAAND NOW THE WATER’S ON FIRE AGAIN AS THEY JUMP INTO IT. NOPE, I’M DONE, SCENE OVER, GOOD B Y E 

   Ah, turns out that diving beetle was just a clone anyway, probably? That or he can just teleport. HEY BRO PRO-TIP FOR THE FUTURE WHICH YOU POSSIBLY WILL NOT HAVE: MAYBE DO NOT TELEPORT BACK HOME WHEN YOU KNOW THE PENALTY FOR FAILURE IS DEATH 

    … Diving Beetle does have a point though: Technically, his mission is at least a partial success, considering his mission was to set Tokyo on fire, not defeat Amazon. And Tokyo’s pretty hot right now! All he needs is some more blood and then he’ll be able to finish the job! … Specifically Masahiko’s sister’s blood. … okay but why tho 

   WHO KNOWS but now she sure is getting captured! At least Mole saw and is going to get Amazon. MOLE: BEST SIDE-CHARACTER 1974

   … except that wasn’t really fast enough so she’s already been a bit eaten again. Whoops. … WELL WE TRIED, SORRY TOKYO GUESS YOU’RE GONNA BURN

   OH I SEE HOW IT IS, NOT IN TIME TO SAVE RITSUKO BUT WE CAN TOTALLY GET TO THE OIL STORAGE IN TIME TO SAVE THAT. Pffff. Ah whatever, we’re trying, let’s just murder a diving beetle and have done with it

   I don’t know why I’m always so surprised, because he actually doesn’t forget it all that often. I guess because that belt and its grapple are just such forgettable accessories…?

   Anyway, after a ton of flipping around on top of oil containers and yanking around Diving Beetle with Condora, Amazon finally defeats the Diving Beetle with RAPID-FIRE PUNCHING (!!!), followed by SLICING IT TO RIBBONS WITH A BIG SLICE, YEAAAAH~~ … the suit is covered in foam again. Poor, poor costume department.

   OH SNAAAAP BUT THE DIVING BEETLE SENT OFF ONE OF HIS CLONES TO ESCAPE – oh wait never mind Cosplay Boss has killed it. Welp. So much for that plan. … why the flip did y’all want to set Tokyo on fire, anyway?!

   WHO KNOWS BECAUSE IT SURE DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT WOULD HELP WITH THE FACT THAT COSPLAY BOSS’ BOSS WANTS HIM TO TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE PLANET IN A FEW DAYS, OR ELSE HE WILL BE THE DEAD! …

   1) please do not introduce yet another big bad, guys, we do not have that many episodes left
   2) bro what, taking over the world in a few days? how?
   3) BRO YOUR COSPLAY BOSS UNDERLING JUST TELEPORTED AWAY, PRESUMABLY BACK TO HIS DAY JOB, I DON’T THINK HE HAS GREAT TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS, MAYBE CONSIDER REORGANIZING YOUR GROUP A LITTLE?

Remember WAY BACK when Javert mentioned that Alain had a brother for the first time? LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW

remember back when KMS arranged a meeting with Adel just to tell him his baby brother actually got dressed this morning

good times

mamafriesmeal:

gottischan:

acetechnologist:

[RECAP RECAP RECAP]

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Science?☐
Magic?   ☑
Donuts? ☑
Yup, all set! It’s Showtime!

Read More

Don’t think too much about the never-addressed-again!shattered Gate plz

A good writeup on this incredibly terrible arc that I’m going to be mad at forever.

<3 Awww, thanks, you guys.

Don’t worry. Thanks to the ~MAGIC OF HAVING A BUFFER~ (which I will always be amazed at myself for managing to have), I have already long since put PatheticGate out of my mind!

… Gosh that arc was weird though. I mean, I have since seen MUCH WEIRDER missteps from Kuuga, but… Gosh that arc was weird.

…Could this, too, be Decade’s fault?!
(No, no it isn’t.)
(But trenchcoat guy would say so.)

Oh hey, tomorrow’s July 4th! … Hah, though, that probably doesn’t mean much to some/most of you, huh? Honestly, it doesn’t mean that much to me, either. Fireworks get really old after the 22nd time, y'know? And I don’t like loud noises, so…
Oh, well. If you’re celebrating, have a great time, okay? <3
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OVERALL: In which we refuse to acknowledge last week’s arc, a Phantom actually pretty closely matches its namesake for once, we have quite possibly the worst Gate, and Rinko and Shunpei go on an adventure.
I’d like to say this is better than it sounds, but… This arc is weird, guys
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Episode 36:

   Our episode opens with poor Koyomi, alone in the Antique Shop. NO, DON’T YOU SEE, KOYOMI? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! STAGE A PEACEFUL TAKEOVER OF THE SHOP AND RULE AS ITS QUEEN~

   Yeah, that’s not happening, is it? Ah, well. Turns out Haruto is outside with Wajima, discussing what Gremlin said about Koyomi re: her existence, and how impossible it is. Psssshhhh what does he know, let’s ignore him (oh gog koyomi please don’t be an illusion you are precious ;A; )

[edit: Yes, I did originally have “Kojima” instead of “Wajima” up there. I have no clue how this happened. Kojima, get out of my head. WELP FIXED NOW]

   OH RIGHT THAT PHILOSOPHER’S STONE THING. Wajima knows the general myth – medieval Europe, turns stuff into gold, so on and so forth – but hasn’t heard anything concrete about it. He remarks that it sounds like a magic stone, such as could be made into a ring, though. Hmmm…

   BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT, TIME FOR PHANTOM SHENANIGANS! Wiseman is thankfully back in his bed again.AND STAY THERE, YOU PUNK.

   Less thankfully, Medusa has found a Gate and Gremlin (HISSSS) has already got a Phantom on the case. Raum? What’s a… Oh, this is a Raum. Huh. Well isn’t that… pretentious.
   … I wonder if he and Beelzebub were buddies?

   AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE WAS A FIRE. SOMEWHERE ELSE. Also a dude with a myna bird that yells “Despair”. Uhhh. Let’s just. Keep that thing away from Haruto then, shaaaall we? #NoMoreIntenseStaresPlease

   Anyway the dude with the myna bird just walks off. The next day, Rinko’s on the arson case! … uh guys there was a cop on the scene, why did he not grab the dude just casually strolling away from the fire, that seems really dumb

   Speaking of, here’s Shunpei! :V He momentarily forgot that Rinko is a legit detective, herpderp gdi Shunpei. … I mean, I can’t entirely blame him. She does spend a lot more time off-duty than on-, looks like. But still!

   UM, GUYS. GUYS. BEHIND YOU. THERE’S A. Yeah there you go, there he is, it’s the dude with the myna bird (something tells me he isn’t actually your guy though) (that or he’s possessed)

   AND THEN RINKO AND SHUNPEI MOSTLY JUST ENDED UP CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER WHEN TRYING TO CHASE HIM. AND NOW RINKO’S IN DANGER OF BEING FIRED. GDI, YOU TWO! You were doing so well at being halfway competent, too!

   Elsewhere… GDI HARUTO NO! Get out of the creepy magic death forest wherein Wiseman’s cave resides, somewhere! I don’t care how curious you are about this Philosopher’s Stone, YOU ARE NOT A HIGH ENOUGH LEVEL FOR THE ENDBOSS. GO HOME.

   … Okay fiiiine, I am a little mollified by the use of Infinity’s axe to chop away the illusionary forest, Infinity is still super-shiny and I love it, fine. … still think this is a terrible idea though

   HARUTO YOU CAN’T JUST CASUALLY STROLL IN AND START SASSING THE ENDBOSS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUUUUU gdi does your sass know no bounds

   Awwwwww dangit. Wiseman’s just casually chatting back, kind of, but his only answer to Haruto’s many questions is “There are some truths you should be glad to be spared from.” gfdi, stop making me so horribly paranoid about magic, show

   Oh goodie Wiseman can do Medusa’s mana-steal trick too, and he doesn’t even have to physically attack Haruto to do it, ahahahaha GDI ENEMIES NEED TO STOP STEALING THAT, THAT BELONGS TO KOYOMI!… and haruto. but mostly koyomi

oh good
   not only that but he instantly converted that mana into a spell to recreate the illusion-barrier
   wiseman I admire your efficiency, but seriously, jerk move bro

   Back at the Antique Shop, Rinko’s having a bit of a meltdown over this whole “potentially getting fired” thing. Shunpei is not helping with his attempts at apology. Hon, just go home (wherever the heck ‘home’ is for you) and wait for Rinko to calm down, okay…

   OH GDI WHAT PART OF THAT DID YOU INTERPRET AS “STOMP OUT ANGRY BECAUSE RINKO CALLED YOU USELESS, DECLARING THAT FINE, YOU’LL FIND THE ARSONIST YOURSELF”? This is not going to go well…

   … Yup. Shunpei is attempting to find the arsonist using solely a self-illustrated drawing of the man. Haruto walks up and is rightly confused by the whole mess. I’M SORRY HARUTO, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME and sometimes even when you don’t

   WHOOOOPS TIME FOR ANOTHER CLUMSY CHASE SCENE
   TURNS OUT RINKO GOT BACK OUT ON THE SEARCH, HERSELF
   TIME FOR HER AND SHUNPEI TO CRASH USELESSLY INTO ONE ANOTHER AGAIN
poor harutostill just does not know what the flip is any of this even, just trails along at the safest distance he can

   WHOOPS THERE’S ANOTHER FIRE. … Guys, I don’t think this guy caused it. I’m pretty sure, if the writers had any sense at all, that the bird is our Phantom, making the “arsonist” our Gate.

   Oh, whatever. Guy runs off, Haruto puts out fire (WITH WATER DRAGON, REALLY, THIS ISN’T EVEN THAT BIG OF A FIRE, JUST USE PLAIN WATER), Binds the guy before he can get too far, and – WOAH PHANTOM OUT OF NOWHERE, FREEING THE GATE

   uh yeah guys that phantom is making bird noises, it even looks vaguely birdlike, the myna bird was yelling “despair”, it’s the bird, it is him

   MYNA PHANTOM USED SMOKESCREEN
   IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE
   gdi now we’ve lost the gate and the phantom. Siiiigh. … Hey, so, where’s Mayo, anyway? It’s not like he could make the situation any worse, at this point. It’d be nice to have an extra pair of eyes out looking for his lunch the Phantom, yeah?

   … Correction: Myna Phantom used smokescreen and just immediately went back to being the bird in the cage. Not that this is a bad disguise or anything, but why didn’t he chase after the Gate…?

   Oh well. DONUT TIIIIME! <3 … Donut time is slightly marred by the fact that Shunpei and Rinko are STILL angry at each other. And being little babies about it. Haruto looks so done right now.

   OH GOOD NOW THEY’RE ARGUING OVER WHETHER TO ARREST OR PROTECT THE GATE. GDI GUYS CAN’T WE DO BOTH? … or would getting arrested despair this Gate? In which case 1) how could we know that and 2) wow, how pathetic. I know Japan’s legal system is scary, but uh, still…

   Haruto just straight-up ducks away and walks right out of this argument. SMART MAN. … Unfortunately, as soon as he’s gone, Myna Phantom gives Shunpei and Rinko an address. So, it can say things other than “despair”!

   BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU MORONS, THAT’S A TRAP OF SOME KIND! THE BIRD IS THE PHANTOMand if it’s not I call shenanigans

   Huh. Nope, not a trap. There’s nobody at the apartment (which looks extremely cluttered and just… pathetic, somehow), but Myna Phantom quickly feeds them another location! … guys seriously stop for five seconds and think about this bird, this is suspicious as all get-out

   Unfortunately, they do not. Instead, upon failing to find ArsonGate at his workplace either, they attempt to interrogate Myna Phantom. They get another location, though I think they nearly get thrown out of the convenience store in the process.

   OH THERE YOU ARE, MAYO! THERE WAS A PHANTOM BARELY FIVE MINUTES AGO, WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT NOTICING THE THINGS YOU NEED TO STAY ALIVE

   You’re lucky Haruto was strolling by. And doubly-lucky that Geruda just tracked down the Gate. C'mon, let’s go get you some lunch, you mayonnaise-obsessed moron.

   Uh, might wanna pick up the pace there, Wizards, because RINKO AND SHUNPEI JUST FOUND THE GATE AND DELIVERED HIS PHANTOM RIGHT TO HIM, THE MORONS.

   Oh, hey, they actually did arrive mere moments later! Well, within viewing distance, anyway. And this, for whatever reason, prompts Myna Phantom to escape his cage and fly off to attack the Wizards, blowing his cover. … Um? Okay?? This… sure is a plan???

   GREMLIN GET OUT OF HERE, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. Thanks for clearing up that Myna Phantom wasn’t actually originally a bird, though. He was a human. Just now he’s decided he’s a bird, I guess. Sure, why not?

   Hahahaha, poor Mayo has NO clue what’s going on, Haruto just wants to wring more answers out of Gremlin, and Gremlin has decided that rather than take my advice, he’s just gonna drop some Ghouls and continue casually hanging out. Welp.

   AAAAND NOW THE MYNA PHANTOM WON’T STOP MIMICKING MAYO’S MOVES. hey mayo protip, dude doesn’t have a gun, pull out hyper and eat him quick

   GDI, and Shunpei and Rinko are STILL arguing over whether to turn the Gate in or shield him from the law. For what it’s worth, I do believe that this guy wasn’t the one setting fires. Wouldn’t be the first time a Phantom made it seem like a guy was doing fire things, COUGH SHUNPEI COUGH.

   oh look there’s the cops, how convenient, and by convenient I mean gdi this guy really will insta-shatter if he’s arrested, won’t he.

   … Well, Gremlin seems to think so, anyway. Whether Gremlin’s just being Gremlin (AKA: THE WORST) or whether that’s true is anyone’s guess.

   AND THUS, THROUGH A SERIES OF ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS SHENANIGANS, SHUNPEI, RINKO, AND PATHETIC!GATE ENDED UP ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW… IN A POLICECAR. This was not entirely Rinko’s plan, for the record. This… will not go well

   HARUTO YOU DO NOT NEED DRAGO-TIME TO DEAL WITH GHOULS, I DON’T CARE HOW OFTEN THEIR THREAT LEVEL FLUCTUATES. Good, you’re out of mana anyway, because Wiseman ate a bunch of it! … er wait that’s not good at all oh dear

   okay yeah see Mayo just wiped the floor with those Ghouls, just using a Buffa Saber Strike. And he only rolled a FOUR. What were you thinking, trying Drago-Time?!

Episode 37:

   So, back with Rinko and Shunpei’s Crazy Adventure, Shunpei throws Rinko’s phone out the window. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt them later at all.

   Speaking of: Still glad you went looking for the endboss, Haruto? Look, now you have to rest in bed to regen mana! At least this has caused Mayo to realize that Haruto’s situation sucks in its own way, too. Yeah, your lives BOTH kinda suck, don’t they…

   GDI SHUNPEI YOU LEFT YOUR PHONE AT THE ANTIQUE SHOP, REALLY :( Well, at least neither our Wizards NOR our Myna Phantom can find you at the moment…

   holy cow this Gate is seriously pathetic. Any little thing and he starts wailing. Y'know, I’d say “oftentimes the people who talk most about doing something are the last to do it,” but there’s always exceptions. GDI, Gate, stop being so pathetic!

   OH GOOD RINKO IS THE ONE PRIMARILY GETTING BLAMED HERE. GOOD FREAKING JOB, SHUNPEI. (and gdi haruto go back to bed) (you’ve only been regenning for what, an hour? that’s, what, probably like twenty percent charge? LISTEN TO KOYOMI, GO BACK TO BED)

   Surprising no-one, Rinko’s not happy about getting blamed for this whole suspect-kidnapping mess! :V Also surprising no-one, these kinds of insane circumstances happen to the Gate a lot, because he’s pathetic.

   And he’s terrified of getting turned in because he’s so pathetically weak-willed that he would just agree to whatever they said and get locked up. Holy frig, how has this guy not shattered ALREADY? I don’t think we even needed a Phantom for this one!

   AND THEN MYNA PHANTOM TAUNTED THE COPS INTO FOLLOWING IT. THANKS, MYNA PHANTOM, YOU’RE KIND OF THE WORST. … though srsly cops, srsly, it’s a bird, stop chasing that

   MAYO MYNA BIRD FOOD WILL NOT HELP IN THIS SITUATION, IT IS NOT LITERALLY A BIRD – yes thank you haruto, thank you for telling him this, gdi mayo you derp

   AND THEN SUDDENLY A MANGA SEQUENCE ILLUSTRATING MAYO GETTING ATTACKED BY BIRDS??? I DON’T??? EVEN??? … the I-am-so-done Haruto contained within the random manga panels was pretty adorable, though, in spite of the total randomness

   … oh gog, I hate to tell you this, PatheticGate, but… your bird “friend” is a horrible monster out to shatter your soul :( Ugh, he loves the bird so much thouuuugh

   Yeah, Rinko, this guy really is way too pathetic to be the arsonist. Also: there’s a Phantom after him. Again, we already had a Phantom who started fires on the Gate’s behalf (though, admittedly, that was a really different situation). PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER PLEASE

  OH GOOD AND NOW “KYUUTA” HAS LED THE COPS TO HIS “OWNER”, GOOD JOB PATHETIC-GATE, YOU MAKE BAD LIFE CHOICES :( why did you trust the random bird that flew into your window. why.

   AND THEN RINKO TRIED TO KILL THE COPS WITH A FORKLIFT. … Well okay “kill” probably wasn’t the intent there, but can you blame me for thinking of this?

   So, our not-so-Alien Fugitives escape down a convenient nearby manhole, and – Oh hey, Gryphon and Garuda found the Myna Phantom, hurray! Looks like they think they can take him, haha, how cute – aaaa WHAT THEY CAN COMBINE, WHAT??? … s-so cute

   gdi that’s Mayo’s very first reaction, too, as he and Haruto run up onto the scene XD;; No, Mayo, I’m not supposed to share your reactions, stop that!

   … mayo I don’t know how seriously I can take your “It’s okay Haruto, I can handle this guy MYSELF” when… you’ve still got bird feathers stuck in your hair from the attack earlier… ahahaha…

   Well, regardless of seriousness, Haruto runs off to track down the Gate while Mayo tries to eat the Myna Phantom. Probably the most appropriate one for him to eat yet, considering y'know, it’s a bird! (Well, Phoenix would’ve been top contender, but he’s the sun now)

   (TRANSLATORS, NO. “Get off of me, you flocking piece of…” STOP HAVING SO MUCH FUN) (GDI PUUUUUNNNNS)

   GDI MAYO YOU SAID YOU COULD HANDLE THIS GUY, NOT GET TOSSED DOWN A HILL AND DO NOTHING AS THE PHANTOM FLIES AWAY :(

   in other news: why the flip did the sewer tunnel just flood and why is haruto actually just trying to explain the situation to the cops aboveground??? I don’t???

  gdi mayo you can’t just yell “he’s a GATE under threat of MONSTERS” at the cops and expect them to understand anything, Rinko is an exception here, this isn't Kuuga world, the cops aren’t helpful!

   yeah haruto just get mayo out of here, this isn’t going anywhere, just… go find the phantom or something, Rinko & crew are long gone

   Speaking of them, at least the random sewer-flood spat them out in a river? Because that makes sense? Oh, whatever. PatheticGate continues pathetic, Rinko is just DONE WITH HIM.

   Wow yeah Rinko really is just totally fed up, and yells at him about how ridiculous he’s being and how he’ll have to do something FOR HIMSELF if he expects to get out of this. Shunpei actually even backs her up, for once! Hurray, teamwork, or something!

   OHSNAP AND PATHETIC-GATE HAS AN IDEA! … how dumb is this idea gonna be

   Huh. Apparently, the dude walks by that area all the time, and he knows that there’s another security camera there. But surely the cops would’ve already checked that one? … No? … GDI, Wizard Cops.

   GDI RINKO WHY DID YOU TRUST PATHETIC-GATE TO KEEP WATCH WHILE YOU GUYS SNUCK IN AND CHECKED THE CAMERAS :( look now Myna Phantom’s shown up and he’s totally distracted, this was a bad plan

   Well, at least they managed to get a copy of the security footage before they were forced to flee, but now… that freaking Myna Phantom is back in PatheticGate’s possession… gdi

   Uh. And now, apparently, the plan is to “go to the cops to lure the real arsonist out”. Uhhh. … I really hope by “real arsonist” she means the Phantom, and that this plan won’t backfire horribly

   JEEZ Haruto and Mayo got to the police station fast! Just in time for the SHOWDOWN between ALL THE COPS and Rinko’s crew! … Is the Antique Shop just close to everything?

   GDI RINKO YOU CAN’T JUST YELL “THIS BIRD IS THE CULPRIT”, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NOBODY WILL BELIEVE THAT –

   … Unless the Phantom is an idiot, and just reveals himself. I mean yeah, they had security footage, but nobody had a chance to look at it yet. That. Myna Phantom, you’re an idiot.

   OH WELL, THUMBS-UP AND HIGH-FIVES ALL AROUND, GOOD JOB GUYS, YOU SOMEHOW INEXPLICABLY DID IT

   So, time for Haruto and Mayo to do their job! Haruto’s managed a proper mana regen this time, so TAG-TEAMING THE DUMB BIRD, SHOWTIME AND LUNCHTIME, GO! gog I love these dorks

   Whoops, Ghouls again! Okay, Mayo, go Hyper and eat up all the appetizers! Haruto, go Infinity and soften up the main dish! It’s a good plan, do it! … you’re not gonna do it are you

   … Uh, well, it half-happened! Mayo just went into Falco because he’s a derp, but Haruto’s in Infinity mode as requested, huzzah!

   DOUBLE-HUZZAH, A SIX ON FALCO SABER STRIKE! … Okay, fine, I guess these Ghouls were the random low-power type, since they’re all down. I suppose Hyper wasn’t required here. Fiiine, you win this round, Mayo.

   UH WOAH HARUTO YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO SOFTEN UP THE PHANTOM, NOT – gdi it’s dead already. You’re lucky that Shining Strike is too glorious for me to stay mad at you.

   (And also that, thought its really hard to tell, it seems that the mana flew over to Mayo anyway?? But… I thought he had to get the finishing blow? Because Chimera’s a prideful jerk like that? … ah, whatever, I’m not gonna complain about that…)

   AND THEN SUDDENLY PATHETIC-GATE SHATTERED ANYWAY
   LIKE JUST INSTA-SHATTER
  BECAUSE HIS PET BIRD WAS ACTUALLY A MONSTER
  AND THE EPISODE ENDS THERE
   WHAT

Hurray, it’s July!
… Oh jeez, it’s July, my room is going to roast me alive
Michigan is truly the worst place sometimes
Well, okay. Minnesota’s got worse winters. And there are certainly places more boring than Michigan (though not by much). … Michigan’s just this awful combo of everything that results in “too terrible to enjoy living in, not terrible enough to drop everything and move out”.
… THIS HAS BEEN: ACE’S BORING OPINION ON HER HOME STATE i’m sorry i’ll shut up now
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OVERALL: GDI SHOW I THOUGHT WE WEREN’T TALKING ABOUT YUUSUKE’S LITTLE STOPPED-SMILING MOMENT, YOU LURED ME INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY, HOW DARE YOU
… Er, right, sorry. So, in other news: Time for another of the rare female Grongi to get her turn at the Gegeru! She’s, uh, certainly very… efficient. Not very good at taking Scarfcloak’s “DON’T GIVE HINTS TO THE HUMANS” advice from way back when, but efficient in spite of that!
… Well, until Yuusuke causes her to violently explode, I mean. But that’s a given for anyGrongi.
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Episode 40:

   Holy cow, Yuusuke is working at the cafe yet again? If he keeps this up, I might just have to stop being surprised at it! … gdi yuusuke now you’ve put the kuuga mark on your apron, no, stop that, it might be a grongi symbol for all we know, stop being such a dork

   … :( dangit Pole Cafe Guy, don’t say what I’ve been quietly suspecting, don’t notice that Yuusuke’s being too energetic and happy, now it’s true that he’s trying not to let people worry, and that’s sad

   It’s sweet that Pole Cafe Guy tells him that if he wants to go out on an adventure like usual, he can leave anytime, though. owo That’s very cute. Yuusuke’s planning on staying right here though! He’s got HEROING to do!

   Right, so! That settled, over with the cops, it’s time for our usual run-down of what’s been going on. Vampire’s dead, and apparently No.0 and/or Daguva decided to go on and massacre some more Grongi while he/she was at it. I think maybe Daguva is overdue for some kind of intervention for this problem of theirs…

   Our total number of Grongi killed is now at 162. Out of 200, I think? … I’d be happier, except only 40 of those were killed by our heroes, which makes me muchmore nervous about just what the enemy is planning. Like, what, is Daguva absorbing their power or something, how much trouble are we in here

   And hey, speak of the devils, it’s Grongi check-in time! I think this dude, polishing what seems to be a Grongi belt, is the same dude who was assisting in cleaning off Leaf Stones a while back? Maybe? Not sure…

   Regardless, Petal Dance Lady seems annoyed that he isn’t done yet and – GDI she’s changed outfits again! Now she’s just wearing a red… dress, I think? What, did we miss the wedding?! I was looking forward to that!

   09:26AM and we’re back to the Pole Cafe. Apparently Asahina has an audition today. Perhaps she’ll finally stop putting her hair in strange-looking pigtails, then? :V … that’s literally as much as I can be brought to care about this, sorry

   Ahahaha, whoops. Elsewhere, it seems Enokida is horrendously late for work XD;; Poor thing, this whole Grongi mess really isn’t fun to have to work through, is it? Luckily, Ichijo is perfectly understanding because of course he is, he’s ichijo

   Back to COP PLANNING MEETING, (pfffahahaha ichijo you took a call during a meeting, no wonder you looked so sheepish,) discussing what to do about No.0!

   Unfortunately, even if they could theoretically figure out its pattern, they still don’t have powerful enough weaponry to kill it. :( And Yuusuke probably needs a super-upgrade or something first, so… Kinda at a deadlock here…

   OH MY GOSH AND THEN YUUSUKE RADIOS IN JUST TO SAY HI AND CHECK HOW EVERYONE’S DOING AND EVERYONE IS SO HONESTLY AMUSED AT THIS DERPY KID AND THIS IS JUST THE CUTEST THIIIING <3

   especially “You’re meeting Ichijo later today, right?” “YUP WE ARE GONNA SOLVE THE GRONGI MYSTERY :D” “(stifled laugh) …right have fun with that then, uh, do a good job alright” “YUP WILL DOOOO~” … #socute #deadofcute#PileOfMush#ThatIsMe

  (even if I am terrified that yuusuke is trying TOO HARD to be cheerful, oh gog, why did you water the seeds of doubt in my soul, pole cafe guy)

   10:11AM, elsewhere, and oh hey it’s that other female grongi in the snazzy-looking suit! She has a laptop and apparently CAN USE THE INTERNETS, WOAAAAH! … Actually, in 2000, I think laptops were still ~super neat like woah~, yes? … at least, I was always super amazed that my mom had one for work, so…

   er ahem right aaaanyway. The rest of her band joins her in this airport terminal, and oh hey, looks like Suit Lady is the next on the Gegeru block! She needs to kill 243 people, huh? Pretty middle-of-the-road as Gegeru requirements go, I think…

   (Oh, yup, Petal Dance Lady is wearing a red dress now. … I feel the need to mention here that when I was complaining about it while watching with Jamie, his answer was “SHE MARRIED THIS GRONGI WHO’S GOING ON THE GEGERU NOW, OKAY.” … I may or may not like this explanation.)

   Ah, looks like Ichijo and Sakurako are meeting up, presumably to discuss Grongi things! This is actually what Enokida’s going to be late for, apparently. Can I just say how cute it is that Ichijo and Sakurako are so polite to one another? Such grown-ups~

   AND IN SHARP CONTRAST TO THAT: YUUSUKE IS CLIMBING THROUGH THE WINDOW. AGAIN. GDI, YOU DORK, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH YOU (the answer is love you forever)

   Ah, time for Sakurako to give a rundown of her recent discoveries! Yup, yup, that bloody character on the wall was likely a Grongi character, though it’s still a little fuzzy whether the Kuuga character specifically is, or whether the Linto just kind of stole/adapted it? Hmmm…

   Oh um apparently we’ve all decided that these characters mean that Kuuga and No.0 are the same, at least glyph-wise, um okay. That… that is exactly what I was hoping was not the case, how do you do these things Kuuga

   Oh, huh, THAT’s new! Sakurako’s figured out, somehow, that the “sacred spring”, in Linto culture, was supposed to be the spring of compassion from which everyone got said virtue and whatnot.

   So, then, fitting that into the riddle-prophecy-thing… When people are no longer compassionate/are hateful, an eclipse/bad things happen, and [warrior/kuuga/daguva] appears like thunder? … okay seriously you guys can start giving me GOOD news ANY TIME NOW

   AND DOUBLE-SERIOUSLY, PLEASE STOP WORRYING YUUSUKE, HE IS TRYING HARD TO SMILE THROUGH THIS BUT I THINK HE MIGHT STOP SMILING SOON AND THAT IS A BAD THING FOR ALL CONCERNED AND –

   oh GDI Kuuga! I thought we weren’t talking about Yuusuke’s little psychotic breakdown thing! I thought we had agreed to just move on and pretend it didn’t happen! Why are we discussing it now! This is not what I wanteeeed!

   It is kinda nice to hear about it from Yuusuke himself, though, even if his pacing around the table is worrying me. Yeah, he basically snapped because of the realization of just how many people he couldn’t save, and ragemurdered that thing :V But… at least he kept enough of himself to remember that Ichijo was nearby, and thus didn’t use gold-red mode? At least he didn’t completelybreak?

   ! Oh! That weird Rider we saw during Porcupine’s explosion was, apparently, Daguva. Or perhaps, what Yuusuke would become if Daguva did bodysnatch him. At least Yuusuke thinks so. … welp this got depressing real fast

   … Y-yeah, Yuusuke! You’ve just gotta not snap anymore, that’s right! Haha, everything will be fine! No bodysnatching will happen, yup! Hahaha! … oh gog I’m so scared ;A; yuusuke still kinda seems to be mostly just trying not to let anyone worry about him and that’s really saaaad

   Still, Sakurako and Ichijo had noticed that, as well, so at least they can probably be counted on to keep an eye on the kid. That makes me a little less worried. At least he’s got good friends <3

   AND THEN FINALLY ENOKIDA, HURRAAAAY! Haha, you missed some ~serious heavy character-based discussions~, but other than that you’re fine hon, don’t worry

   WHOOOOOPS I THINK SUIT LADY GRONGI JUST ATTACKED
   EITHER THAT OR WE’VE GOT SOME OTHER COMPLETELY UNRELATED MONSTER THAT JUST ATTACKED THAT AIRPLANE
   I’M SURE THAT COULD BE THE CASE RIGHT :V
   but in all seriousness, hm, yeah, that would be a quick way of getting your Gegeru requirements done, wouldn’t it? How efficient…

   Back at the Pole Cafe: Asahina failed her audition, probably. Her uncle is remarkably slow to pick up on this, in spite of her obvious depression. … sometimes I really feel sorry for her, being related to him

   Back to relatively happier times, Enokida apparently used to study at the university that Sakurako now works at! (At least I assume she works here, she has an office here at least.) That’s kinda neat. owo

   SNERK. Enokida brought a huge file of all her studies on Kuuga, but apparently this is the trimmed-down version – she removed a lot of stuff that would be too difficult for Yuusuke. That’s adorable.

   … Though, hon, I think you didn’t remove enough. … I’m just saying yuusuke is not very bright, okay, all this stuff about objects being turned into weapons at the atomic level seems to be flying RIGHT over his head. … Luckily, Ichijo’s here to understand it for him! Best cop, best sidekick~

   … Ah, jeez. Enokida’s noticed too that the enemies have become more Kuuga-like, and takes the logical leap that there might be enemies who can change “form” the same way, as well. Thaaaat would suck, but something tells me Anti-Rider #2 can probably do that. Just a hunch.

   BUT ENOUGH TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT, IT’S GRONGI FIGHTIN’ TIME! Yuuuup, she totally killed that entire flight of 243 people. Then jumped out into the ocean. Welp. … gosh I hope there weren’t any kids on that flight D:

   Back at the Pole Cafe again – GOODNESS GRACIOUS, ASAHINA, WHY ARE THE FIRST WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH “HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE”? WHY? It was one audition, you’re gonna have to get used to not getting parts if you wanna be an actress!

   So, uh… right. Back to the actual murdering monster, Suit Lady Grongi has attacked a sea patrol team now. At least that got us a bead on her location, I guess! :V (sorry you had to die, sea cops)

   AND THEN AN INCREDIBLY SLICK (and thus slightly unsafe) GUN HANDOFF FROM ICHIJO TO YUUSUKE <3 these two make such a good teaaaam, I swear

   Wow, Suit Lady Grongi moves fast. Too bad we haven’t got a good look at her monster form yet, though something tells me that as an aquatic Grongi it’ll be difficult to suss out what she’s meant to be, haha… And too bad she’s NOT FAST ENOUGH, as Yuusuke seems to have made it to her landing point ahead of her, yeaaaah!

   And then suddenly a guy in white kept interrupting Yuusuke’s concentration.
   … I have no clue either. Jeez, Yuusuke, I thought we were done with these random interrupting flashbacks/flashforwards! This one doesn’t even seem related to an upgrade, what gives?!

   Well regardless of what is up with the dude in white, DUDE LEAVE YUUSUKE ALONE, HE’S ONLY GOT SO LONG IN GREEN MODE AND HE IS TRYING TO CONCENTRATE AND SPOT SUIT LADY GRONGI  –

Episode 41:

   – HOLY FLIPPING FIDDLESTICKS WHERE IN THE BLUE BLAZES DID THAT SPEAR COME FROM, OH GOG IT’S GORED YUUSUKE THROUGH THE SHOULDER, NOOOO D: D: THIS. IS NOT OKAY.

   GDI YUUSUKE NO YOU DO NOT TRY TO PULL THAT THING OUT BACKWARDS OH JEEZ NO ow ow ow ow ow. That was dumb! You’re supposed to break off the head then pull out the pole! Just because you have regeneration does NOT excuse such needlessly painful behavior!

   oh and of course the spear only goes back to a tiny keychain AFTER it’s been painfully and messily pulled out, OF COURSE. See, maybe if you’d just waited, Yuusuke…!

   … Huh, unless it was staying put BECAUSE it was in Yuusuke, assuming the Grongi weapon abilities and his weapon abilities run off the same “triggers”… eh, speculation. Point is: GOOD LORD YUUSUKE GET TO A HOSPITAL YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR SHOULDER

   YES! ICHIJO! HELLO! THIS IDIOT DID A DUMB THING! AGAIN! AND PASSED OUT ON THE GROUND! HOSPITAL PLEASE NOW! D: (I’m so sorry this is the guy you’re stuck with) (you kinda deserve better) (at least he’s… nice?)

   … Oooor Yuusuke could apparently be just fine five minutes later, apart from what appears to be some lingering shoulder pain. Of course he is. Yuusuke, what are we going to do with you?!

   (… stop apologizing, babby, you got gored through the shoulder out of nowhere, probably because the amadam stone decided you needed to see some monochrome dude. Nobody was expecting you to take ANYTHING down after THAT. I’m sure Ichijo is just glad you’re not dead. Again.)

   Oh goodie, apparently Suit Lady Grongi’s method was to gather all the plane passengers into one place and then start harpoon-stabbin’. That’s. That’s lovely. … At least none of the passengers were mentioned to be children, ahahaha? They were elderly though, which is almost as bad as far as “helpless victims” go…

   OH GOOD AND IT’S TAUNTING US NOW. “Hint: 567 people, 5 hours. That should be easy.” … JEEZ, STOP THAT, STOP WITH THE TAUNTING, YOU’LL MAKE YUUSUKE STOP SMILING AND NOBODY WANTS THAT! … Unless you do. Unless that was the plan all along. In which case screw you

   11:34AM and OH RIGHT ASAHINA WAS BEING ALL MURDEROUS, RIGHT, ALMOST FORGOT DUE TO THAT WHOLE HARPOON GORING THING. 'Sup with that, Asahina? … She refuses to say. Welp.

   Yuusuke interrupts this sullen psuedo-conversation to call and apologize and promise he’ll be in to work later (GDI ICHIJO CAN YOU PLEASE CONVINCE THIS BABBY HE CAN TAKE A DAY OFF, THAT LOOKED FREAKING PAINFUL) aaaaaaaand Asahina just ran out of the cafe entirely. Welp.

   Elsewhere, Suit Lady Grongi meets up with her waifu,her album cover model, Petal Dance Lady, in some weird… restaurant? With murals on the floor and weird TVs with mouths on them? yeah okay seems legit. They babble pleasantly at each other for a minute. … okay good talk?

   Back with girls we can UNDERSTAND, Enokida wants to know whether “Daguva” and “No.0” are indeed the same. Well, I think if they’re not, some of “No.0’s” exploits are actually being done by Daguva. Maybe.

   Anyway Sakurako and Enokida are sad for a moment about how strong No.0 is, regardless of whether he’s Daguva, but then they think about Yuusuke and end up laughing because Yuusuke. Such a derpy dork.

   Hurraaaay, the cops have shut down the airports! … goodness gracious, I think if the grongi don’t kill us all, the economic turmoil they’re causing will. Seriously, that’s gotta be causing so many transportation problems…

   OH SNAP DISTURBING THINGS POSTED ON THE INTERNETS! Yup we found what Suit Lady Grongi was doing with her laptop. Posting MORE HINTS, because apparently nobody listens to poor Scarfcloak. Don’t give hints, guys. It gets you killed.

   Eh, what’s done is done. Our hint: 324 deaths on “the sun above the sea”. … guys unless there’s some kind of sun-sea airliner, I think you can reopen the airports now. And you should probably find that thing fast, because you’ve only got a few hours until that “567 in 5 hours” time limit is up for Suit Lady!! D:

   OHAI WHITE SUIT GUY. Now he’s in the dark… cave?… with Leaf Stone/Belt Buckle Polishin’ guy! … White Suit Guy, if you’re Daguva, may I suggest not killing the only Grongi we’ve seen who provides a service? … well except for Scarfcloak but I don’t even wanna think about him dying

   Uh welp guess we’re done with whatever that last scene was, time for Yuusuke to find Asahina in the park and pretend that’s NOT what he was there for in the first place! … I should probably call her “Nana” like everyone else but for some reason I always remember her last name instead :V eheh

   ! Yuusuke, you were in theater? … Hah, what am I saying, of course you took acting, 2000 skills and all that, but – okay how does that segue into “so who did you want to kill,” Yuusuke why are you so bad at conversation gdi XD;;

   … Oooh, right. I forgot that Asahina’s acting teacher died in a Grongi attack, ouch. Honey, I’m sure your teacher would have understood you not getting the part, that’s just part of being an actress –

   WAIT THEY ASKED YOU TO WHAT. Okay, okay, I get that the whole Grongi thing is gonna start coming up in fictional media, it’s a huge event and that tends to start imagination ripples, but…

   ASKING THE ACTRESSES TO ACT AS IF SOMEONE HAD GOTTEN KILLED IN A GRONGI ATTACK IN FRONT OF THEM, IS A BIT MUCH WHEN MOST OF THOSE GIRLS PROBABLY HAD EXACTLY THAT HAPPEN, AND THAT IS INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIC AND SCREW THOSE GUYS ASAHINA YOU DON’T WANNA WORK FOR THEM ANYWAY

   So yeah, Asahina couldn’t do it because even if it didn’t happen in front of her her teacher really did die in a Grongi attack so she was thrown completely off and yuuuup.

   And then a girl nearby was all like “What’s the problem your teacher died so this oughta be easy for you right” and screeeeew her, Yuusuke go punch her

   Awww honey. You would be perfectly within your rights to punch her for that. Don’t kill her, and it’d be nice if you could solve this without punching her, but… Nobody would judge you after she was such an awful person like that. You’re okay.

   Anywho, Yuusuke says he understands, but she needs to be careful because throwing one punch could lead to a huge senseless fight of many punches and nobody wants that, and ahahaha Yuusuke I think you’re projecting a little here :V But yeah. Not terrible advice. You’re trying, babby.

   Thankfully, saving us all from Yuusuke’s well-intentioned awkwardness, IT’S TIME TO REMEMBER THAT GRONGI STILL EXIST! The cops have figured out that Suit Lady’s next target is a cruise liner, hurray! The coast guard is already in pursuit, but Yuusuke needs to go intercept. HEROES, AWAY~

   OH GDI THERE ARE CHILDREN ON BOARD THE CRUISE LINER D: FFFFFFFFFF RED ALERT RED ALERT NOBODY LET ANY CHILDREN DIE, WE DO NOT NEED ANOTHER STOPPED-SMILING EVENT, RED FREAKING ALERT GUYS

   YES ICHIJO GET ON THAT COAST GUARD BOAT AND GET OUT TO THAT CRUISELINER AS QUICK AS YOU CAN, MAYBE YOU CAN SNIPE HER? AND EVEN IF NOT AT LEAST YOUR PRESENCE SHOULD KEEP YUUSUKE FROM GOING COMPLETELY MENTAL AHAHahaha oh gog this is terrifying

   okay yes Yuusuke blue mode is good, blue mode does not typically cause huge awful explosions and there’s plenty of railing around on this ship to use as a staff, good, you got here before Suit Lady, just staaaaay calm babby

   Meanwhile, Asahina has found the girl who presumably was such an awful jerk to her and has yanked her aside and is just kind of… glaring at her awkwardly in silence? … okay then

   Okay, the cops have gotten everyone on the cruise to hide in what’s hopefully a secure spot inside the ship, that’s good. Phew. Stay safe children, the psyche of a superhero with explosion-causing powers depends on it ;A;

   OH GOG HARPOON, YUUSUKE – oh! He dodged! BABBY KEEPS LEARNING, SO PROUD

   … Huh. I… Have no clue what Suit Lady’s monster form is supposed to be? It has ears and looks like it’s wearing a little cap which is really hilarious – OH. Maybe she’s a Selkie? I'mma call her Selkie, that’s a neat myth to reference.

   (Elsewhere, Asahina Status Update: still glaring at the girl awkwardly, I can’t imagine how confused that jerk-girl must be right now, ahaha)

   OHSNAAAAAP YUUSUKE. Not only did he dodge another Harpoon, but he actually used the dodge-jump to LEAP UP AND GRAB THE OTHER HARPOON TO USE AS A STAFF. And he just keeps dodging! Pretty slick, kid! (#soproud)

   (Asahina Status Update: Finally actually talked! She has something to tell this jerk-girl, apparently.)

   AW YEAH, BLUE-GOLD MODE, GONNA SMACK THIS SELKIE INTO NON-EXISTENCE oh no whoops the explodey-rune didn’t stick. Rats. … Hit her again, Yuusuke, I think maybe we’ll need like… 3 runes

   OH DANG. I THINK MAYBE SELKIE JUST WENT HER OWN VERSION OF GOLD MODE? Wait, no, now her harpoon’s a sword! She changed modes! Daaangit. That is not a thing I wanted Enokida to be right about…

   WELP, PURPLE VS PURPLE, HERO VS CHILD-AND-ELDERLY-KILLING JERK SEAL, WHO WILL WIN? (protip) (probably yuusuke) (let’s just hope he doesn’t have to rage to do it)

   WOAH YUUSUKE DID YOU JUST TURN A BIT OF RAILING INTO ANOTHER SWORD? YOU CAN DO THAT?

   … Well, I guess Amadam *does* respond to like, mental commands and stuff. I guess the only thing stopping Yuusuke from using ANYTHING as a weapon is that he probably needs to be able to think of it as “being” the thing he wants already, and that’s probably easier the more it “looks” like what he wants. Maybe.

   REGARDLESS: TWO SWORDS BEATS ONE, SUCKER! Double-torso-stabbed and OFF THE SIDE OF THE BOAT WE GO!

   And thus, with yet another ridiculously-photoshopped explosion-at-sea, a Grongi is finally prevented from killing children. HURRAY, VICTORY!

   awww don’t look so worried, Ichijo. Yuusuke has two thousand skills, if one of them isn’t swimming, I will be VERY SURPRISED. … Er, Yuusuke? Any time now, Yuusuke. … … YUUSUKE WHERE ARE YOU

   OH PHEW THERE HE IS. And now we get cute babbies grinning at each other, awww. … yeah okay someone pull that dork out of the water, he might be able to swim but something tells me he might not swim well, haha

   And thus, with Yuusuke finally returning to the Pole Cafe, Asahina looking more cheerful (I… guess that conversation with jerk-girl went well? THAT WAS ABRUPT), and Polishing Grongi being super dead after all, our episode ends!

   … gdi white suit guy why did you have to kill him, are you daguva, do we need to stage an intervention for this reflex-killing problem you seem to have

Huh, okay, that Kuuga special thing is yet another recap episode. Just an hour-long one, framed as a New Year’s visit with the characters. It’s weird. And, y'know, YET. ANOTHER. RECAP. EPISODE. GDI, Kuuga. Yeah, we won’t be touching that nonsense.
… Not that this has anything to do with Wizard, though. Whoops. Um. UM UM. … Despair?
(/runs and hides before INTENSE!HARUTO can show up to intensely gaze into everyone’s souls)
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OVERALL: OH JEEZ OH NO GREMLIN STAY AWAY FROM ME AND EVERYTHING ELSE FOREVER OKAY, OKAY
… Er, right. We find out some more things about Phantoms this arc! Not many things, but y'know, it’s pretty interesting. … Mostly we find out things about Gremlin. More things than we ever wanted to know. More things than Haruto ever wanted to know, too. Poor babby.
… Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cry over that one Scissorman joke I made way back when. Or maybe it was just in my head. Either way: Why did I do that. Why.
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Episode 34:

   So, our weekly dose of Danger Turned Opportunity (Don’t make me regret giving you a thing, Mayo!) begins with… Oh. Oh, dear. Wajima is fanboying over a model. Welp that’s it, abandon shop, sorry Koyomi but we need to find a new place to live, this one is now awful

   GDI MAYO NOT YOU TOO, I MEAN I’M NOT SURPRISED THAT SHUNPEI IS IN ON THIS INSANITY, BECAUSE SHUNPEI, BUT GDI MAYO WHY YOU?

    AND WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT MAKING ME HAVE REGRETS. THAT’S IT. TRIPLE GROUNDED. WE’RE DONE HERE.

   Oh hey, checking in at the NSA! Been a while, hasn’t it? Hi Kizaki, ‘sup! … haruto why did you try to pick up the red phone, what were you even gonna do with that, stop teasing kizaki you dooooork

    ER AHEM RIGHT. Remember waaaaay back when, when Kizaki had the Hurricane Dragon stone (SCREW THAT THIIIING) because his ex-partner got it from parts unknown? Well now the parts are known: Gremlin’s parts! … er that is, Gremlin gave them the stone, it was him, surprising no-one

    Jeez, how many of the stones with definite origins DIDN’T come from Gremlin/Wiseman, at this point? … Hmm, half of Flame Dragon, maybe? That was definitely delivered by Saruman’s not-Garuda familiar, right? HMMMM. … keepin’ my eye on you saruman

   OHAI GREMLIN WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU. And Medusa too! Apparently the next Gate’s been located already, and we’ve got a Phantom on the case!

   … Argos? This one’s called Argos. But… that was a dog, or a city, maybe a ship if you pretend the ’s’ isn’t there, this guy doesn’t look like any of those, I don’t… OKAY Y'KNOW WHAT WHATEVER, STILL MAKES MORE SENSE THAN GNOME DID. Anyway, Gremlin continues his calling-Phantoms-by-their-Gate-names shtick, this continues to not earn him any friends at all

   (Wait, unless they meant ArGUS, the hundred-eyed giant? That’s sometimes spelled Argos, I think, though I don’t usually think of that spelling. This guy’s patterns might be meant to be eyes, but there’s not enough of them to earn that name… OKAY FINE DONE TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT NOW FOR REAL)

   Right so ELSEWHERE: Haruto and Rinko are out looking for Gremlin, to figure out this whole handing-out-magic-stones-like-candy thing, I guess? Haruto’s mostly just really cynical and sulky about Kizaki sending them out for this though, it’s great :V

   Oh HEY now, there’s something that we probably should have been told sooner: Kizaki figured out who Gremlin used to be! A beautician, eh? That’s… not at all surprising really, yeah

   Shunpei and Mayo are still arguing over this supermodel, though now they’re in a park for some reason. I choose to believe that Koyomi kicked them all out and took the Antique Shop for herself, ruling over the familiars as their queen~ … I can dream okay

   BUT THEN ~COINCIDENCE OF COINCIDENCES~, IT’S TIME FOR A RANDOM PASSING-BY JOGGER TO BE OUR GATE I GUESS, BECAUSE HERE’S ARGOS/ARGUS/WHO EVEN KNOWS!

   oh gog that jogger looks ~suspiciously dressed~ with her hair-tucked-into-the-baseball cap and her sunglasses when it’s cloudy out, this is the model isn’t it, nooooooo gdi

   Well at least for now there’s no confirmation on that, so Mayo is now fully concentrating on the imminent meal Phantom. AT LEAST WE CAN HAVE THIS.

   … Man, Mayo never uses Chameleo as a cloaking device anymore. :( I mean yeah I’d imagine that kind of completely overpowered spell would cost him a lot of mana he can’t afford, but still. I am disappoint.

   AND THEN ARGOS USED COLOR-INVERSION RAYS A FEW TIMES AND LEFT. BECAUSE… REASONS??? dude what the flip, the fight had barely started, Mayo hadn’t even pulled out super mode yet, get back here you punk

   SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS THE GATE IS THE MODEL, gdi shunpei and mayo are going to be insufferable aren’t they

   SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS THE SEQUEL: SORA/GREMLIN DISAPPEARED FROM HIS JOB AFTER THE ECLIPSE, WHICH IT HAS NOW BEEN A YEAR SINCE, gdi are there any current Phantoms who weren’t created during that eclipse (other than wiseman)

   I’m just saying these Phantoms seem kind of bad at their jobs if they haven’t managed a SINGLE breakage over the past YEAR. … That or Haruto’s just super-awesome. I could buy that.

   Oh what’s that, former boss? A bunch of his regular customers stopped coming in after Gremlin quit? … don’t tell me there’s a posse of Phantoms out there somewhere that used to be Gremlin groupies or something, ahaha

  don’t tell me that all the phantoms he was friendly with were former customers who no longer realize it, noooooo wait no that’s silly, Phantoms still mostly remember their past lives, they just don’t care, they wouldn’t be so confused by Gremlin if that was the case, haha, silly me

   GDI SHUNPEI AND MAYO AND WAJIMA ARE BEING INSUFFERABLE. KOYOMI, KICK THEM OUT. BE THE ADORABLE-LITTLE-FAMILIAR QUEEN. DO IT.

   Huh. ModelGate still wants to work, in spite of the monster attacks which her manager is quick to bring up as a reason to y'know NOT go in to work.

   I mean, I understand that the modelling business is cutthroat and you’ve only got so many years of business before you get replaced by the next new young thing, but still, ONE day off won’t kill you, right ModelGate?

   DONUT TIIIIME! Phew, I thought maybe last arc was the start of a disturbing new donutless regime. But nope, business as usual! It’s Children’s Day, apparently. Rinko and Haruto are too busy to appreciate it, though. GOTTA FIGURE OUT THIS GREMLIN.

   … Huh. That IS a really good point, Haruto – so far, all the Phantoms have acted as almost polar opposites of their Gates. (Phoenix vs his former mild-mannered flowershop worker persona, for example.) Gremlin, on the other hand, hasn’t changed at all from the sound of it.

   I mean, I guess it could just be that Gremlin’s personality is interested in his former life and is trying to imitate it out of some… amusement or psychosis, but… Hm. Strange, anyway.

   (And here is where Jamie and I got horribly distracted wondering whether, since it’s possible for a Gate to suppress their Phantom and the two to coexist, then couldn’t the opposite happen and wouldn’t that be interesting? Like instead of constantly waiting to shatter the host, the poor Gate would be a little conscience and it’d be hilariously awful.) (THIS IS US, THESE ARE THE THINGS WE TALK ABOUT AND THEN FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT LATER)

   Whoops, time to go back to ModelGate, siiigh. She… she’s kind of pretty much the usual model stereotype, really busy and demanding and self-centered and unappreciative of everybody. Hurray? :V DUNNO WHAT MAYO AND SHUNPEI WERE EXPECTING, REALLY

   OHSNAP ARGOS IS STALKING THEM WITH A TINY PHANTOM EYEBALL
   yup that cinches it. Argus, guys, Argus! I know Greek/Roman mythological figures always have like two or three different accepted transliterations of their names, but c'mon, I’m pretty sure Argus is the most common one for the hundred-eyed giant…

   PFFFAHAHAHA. Elsewhere: As if to make up for the horrifying desert wasteland devoid of donuts that was the last arc, Haruto goes out of his way to grab a forgotten donut with Connect. Oh donut obsession, how I missed thee <3

   … Huh. Argos’ plan is, I think, to replace ModelGate’s usual photographer and get more info about her that way. Thaaaat’s not a bad plan at all, actually! … that or he just really hated that photographer and just wanted to kill him, it’s a toss-up

   Mayo while I agree that this lady is really kind of a pain, 1) I don’t know what else you were expecting, she’s a modelintokusatsu, she was at best going to be a sympathetic jerk; and 2) speaking of that, there’s probably a reason so… maybe don’t yell at her quite so much??

   GDI DON’T LET HER JUST RUN OUT UNACCOMPANIED THOUGH, SHE’S STILL A GATE YOU MORON, GO PROTECT HER, UGH

   … gremlin jumping on top of someone’s car is not an appropriate method of opening up conversation, just fyi

   Aaaand now we’re in a park, where Haruto can ask good questions (“Why the flip did you give a magic stone to Kizaki’s very human ex-partner?”) while Gremlin plays on said park and doesn’t really answer them (“Eh I figured you needed it!” … but you didn’t give it to Haruto, what?!)

   GREMLIN STOP TELEPORTING MID-CONVERSATION, IT’S REALLY DISCONCERTING. NOT TO MENTION DISTRACTING But yes, do explain why you’re so obsessed with your Gate, please

   … … … Oh. Um. He really is a Phantom that kept his human self suppressed inside instead of just consuming it entirely. Um. … WE WERE NOT EXPECTING TO BE RIGHT ABOUT THAT. HUH.

   … Man, why’d it have to be Gremlin with this little oddity, though? Gremlin’s not interesting, he’s just a vaguely-creepy and mostly annoying little punk!

   Okay, fiiiine, I do feel a little sorry for him when he talks about checking absolutely everyone else and no-one else is like him. Yeah, that can’t be any fun, being the only person who remembers their humanity and moreover seems to care about it.

   … He’s still kind of… weirdly off somehow though. And he’s still willing to shatter other Gates… hoping to create someone else like him, maybe? I’d say “maybe he’s just terrified of Wiseman” but we already know that’s not true. Stupid punk.

    Regardless, Gremlin runs off after calling Haruto “just like him” – which in a sense is true, they’re both kind of weird in-betweens, but in another sense, it’s not very true at all, and Rinko doesn’t appreciate the comparison. BUT GREMLIN IS ALREADY GONE, QUESTION TIME IS OVER I GUESS …but there’s still so many more questions!!!

   MODEL-GATE I AM ABOUT 88% SURE THAT THIS “PHOTOGRAPHER” IS ACTUALLY ARGUS, PROTIP: YOU SHOULD RUN, I DON’T KNOW WHY MODELING IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU BUT IT’S NOT WORTH A PAINFUL SHATTER-DEATH

   OH THANKS FOR ONLY CALLING HARUTO NOW THAT YOU’VE PRESUMABLY LOST THE GATE, SHUNPEI. Seriously, why didn’t he call sooner? Did Haruto even know there was a gate?! Ugh, and Shunpei was doing so well at actually being minorlyuseful…!

   SURPRISE SURPRISE THE “PHOTOGRAPHER” WAS INDEED ARGUS, OH WHAT A SHOCK THIS IS. Though, I’m a little conflicted. On the one hand, yeah, wrecking her hair and her face probably would cause her despair, but… Dude, you were only with her for like an hour, what if there was an even more clever way to cause her despair! What if this doesn’t work! YOU GOTTA BE PATIENT, MAN

   But thankfully MAYO TO THE RESCUE, somehow. Mayo, sometimes I really have no idea how you manage to get anything done, like how’d you even find ModelGate here… Aaah, whatever. Just eat yer Phantom and let’s be done here, mmkay

   Oh hey, a five on the Saber Strike! Not bad! … but unfortunately, not good enough, as Argus once again inverts the screen/over-exposes the film, causing Mayo to no-doubt have a tiny epilepsy over the meta-breakage of reality. TRULY, THE MOST TERRIFYING PHANTOM POWER OF ALL

   HARUTO MEDDLING WITH PHANTOMS IS NOT YOUR “HOBBY”, YOU PUNK (and while we’re on the subject you need to get yourself an actual hobby, this single-minded focus is starting to make me worry about you)

   (uh but thanks for riding up on your motorcycle anyway I guess) (bikepunch him next time though okay)

   Hrrrrm. Elsewhere, Rinko’s still on the trail of Gremlin’s former customers… or, rather, the lack of a trail: she can’t seem to find a salon that they’ve been to since Sora pseudo-shattered into Gremlin. Hmmm…

   SPEAKING OF GREMLIN: HE IS REACTING TO MODEL-GATE WITH… SURPRISE, I THINK? UM. OKAY? Was she one of your former customers, is she actually secretly a Phantom herself, is this a double-ploy, is she an alien,what???

   Well, whatever, we’ll just focus on Argus first and deal with Gremlin’s weirdness later, I guess. Mayo finally rejoins the fight, and some fancy synchronized-swordfighting ensues. … guys why are neither of you in your super-modes, exactly

   SEE NOW ARGUS IS ATTACKING YOU WITH LASER EYEBALLS AND GHOULS. … I’M NOT SURE HOW YOUR SUPER-MODES WOULD HELP HERE, MIND YOU, BUT, UM… YOU’D BE SHINIER!!

   you know, I really wish Ghouls would stop jumping around in relative threat levels so much. Sometimes, they’re the cannon fodder they rightly ought to be as mooks! Other times, they’re enough to completely keep Haruto and Mayo out of a match, as right now, leaving Argus free to pursue ModelGate! JUST MAKE UP YOUR MINDS ALREADY –

   UM
   WOAH
   HOLD THE PHONE HERE
   GREMLIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
   WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING MODEL-GATE NOW? AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR OWN ARM GETTING WOUNDED, NO LESS? WHAT???

   … Oh, no. Oh no no no. I saw that, writers. I saw that little“else”in “I won’t let anyone else hurt you.” I HAVE PLAYED OTOME, I KNOW A YANDERE WHEN I SEE ONE.RUN AWAY, MODEL-GATE! RUN AWAY BEFORE GREMLIN LOCKS YOU IN A DUNGEON FOR THE REST OF ETERNITYYYYY D:

… Okay the fact that Gremlin just got knocked off the bridge might save you, you might be okay, but still better run to be safe – GDI HARUTO I DIDN’T MEAN YOU AND I DIDN’T MEAN “RUN TO LEAP TO GREMLIN’S RESCUE”, yanderes do not deserve rescue

Great, and now ModelGate’s fainted, Argus has left out of utter confusion, and the rest of us – including Mayo – are just left in utter confusion. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE, INDEED, MAYO

Episode 35:

   Welp, for better or worse, Gremlin has been saved from a drowning death. Haruto looks like he’s reconsidering every life choice he’s made up to this point, ahahaha

   OH HMM HE ACTUALLY KIND OF IS. Or at least the choices that led to “saving a Phantom’s life”. Pffahaha, that’s even better. Haruto’s “gdi how badly am I going to regret this” glare is beautiful owo

   MEANWHILE: Medusa and Argus are not pleased with Gremlin’s PROTECTING THE GATE (yandeeeere) SHENANIGANS, but see no reason to change course now. GATE DESPAIR AHOY

   and then haruto somehow got roped into searching for gremlin’s missing hat
   he’s not sure how this happened either
   I’m guessing it’s because gremlin actually looks really weird without it

   WELLLLLL UM. Thanks for being so frank about the whole “we’re creating Phantoms to hold that Sabbat thingy” thing, Gremlin, it’s a fairly nice way to repay Haruto for all this, but uh APPARENTLY THE SABBAT IS THAT ECLIPSE RITUAL (which they can force to work without an eclipse by just jamming a whole bunch of phantoms into one place) SO NOW HARUTO HAS A PROBLEMHERE

   yeah see now he’s flipping out because eclipse rituals are kind of a sore spot for him, good job – wait, what was that about Koyomi, what do you mean she isn’t possible, you shut your face about Koyomi she is a precious babby

   Okay fiiine I’ll try to sort this out, instead of just flipping tables. Gremlin seems to think that Saruman’s explanation of “she’s the husk of a Gate” isn’t at all plausible. Now, how Gremlin’s supposed to be an expert on this subject, I don’t know, but on the other hand I don’t trust Saruman at all. Soooo yeah. … gdi show don’t you dare do anything to Koyomi, I will eat your soul

   So back to the ModelGate who we’re probably actually supposed to be focusing on: she’s still trying to do ALL THE JOBS in spite of threats to her psyche, what else is new

   Mayo is at an all-time low as far as patience goes (WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING) and snaps at her, but all we get out of her is “I’M NOT DOING THIS FOR POPULARITY” before she storms out. Hmmm.

   … gdi mayo don’t you dare let her get away from you again, I don’t care how irksome she is, a gate is a gate

   Back with Gremlin the possibly yandere, apparently he is giving up on the hat, and considers himself even with Haruto for giving him all that information. Dude, it was two pieces, max! At least answer what your plans are going forward! STOP LITERALLY SKIPPING INTO THE SUNSET AND GET BACK HEEEERE

   But get back here Gremlin does not. Argus is more than happy to return though! GDI MODEL-GATE WHAT IS SO GOSHDARNED IMPORTANT ABOUT MODELING, THAT YOU MAKE SUCH BAD DECISIONS

   Pffffahaha. Okay, fine, Mayo and Shunpei running in (ONE OF THEM THREW A STICK, I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT WAS SHUNPEI BECAUSE THAT AMUSES ME MORE) and Mayo proclaiming “I JUST WANNA GET THIS JOB OVER WITH :(” was great. At least we’re getting that out of ModelGate’s insane stubbornness.

   hey mayo I know, again, that mana is probably at a premium for you, so I understand that you’re probably just trying to use the bare minimum necessary for any given lunch Phantom, but uh… if you’re really that sick of this, maybe just go into Hyper and overkill it?

    … No, just gonna do Dolphi? OKAY FINE WHATEVER I GUESS (I still think that ring ought to belong to haruto now) (PISCES POWERS, YOU GUYS!)

   GDI MODEL-GATE I TOLD YOU TO RUN AWAY FROM GREMLIN, NOT RUN AWAY WITHGREMLIN!!WHY ARE YOUR CREEPY YANDERE ALARMS NOT GOING OFF, THIS GUY IS NOT OKAY FOR YOU

Aaaaaand now Argus has lost interest in the fight completely, choosing to blind Mayo before chasing after his Gate. Elsewhere: Haruto has found Gremlin’s old apartment. Neither of these things are going to end well for anybody.

   ahahahahahaha yeah model-gate you should totally go with him and let him fix your hair it’s not like you’ll end up locked in a dungeon for all eternity ahahahaha MAYO WHY DID YOU ONLY SEND GRYPHON, YOU NEED TO GET OVER HERE YOURSELF

   Huh. In stark contrast to Phoenix’s old apartment, Gremlin’s old apartment is pretty well-kept. Makes sense, I guess… though apparently he doesn’t care enough to actually pull the mail in from outside :V that is the limit of his humanity, we have found it

   RINKO! I FORGOT ABOUT YOU! Sorry 'bout that. 'Sup? You’re at NSA HQ with Kizaki and you guys found a thing? Awesome! <3 good to know we can always count on you to be using your time at least semi-productively!

   HURRAY GRYPHON FOUND HER MAYBE OR MAYBE HE JUST FOUND SOMETHING ELSE. Who knows? For now, we are stuck cutting to Gremlin and ModelGate.

   Well. Gremlin’s new makeshift salon is certainly very… pink? … WHY IS THE FLOOR PURPLE AND LIME GREEN, THE ARTIST IN ME IS SCREAMING RN

   … Oh. Oh, dear. MODEL-GATE BACKSTORY TIME! Her dad disappeared after her mother’s death. Her mom always used to wear this one white dress, so ModelGate is hoping that by making that dress her trademark item and showing up EVERYWHERE, her dad will see her and find her again :( wellllp I told you so mayo

   Right so enough of that sadness, back to Rinko and Kizaki! What’s this info you’ve got? … … … guys I did not want to hear that Gremlin is a serial killer who targets girls with long black hair wearing white OH GOG THE YANDERE THING WAS MOSTLY A JOKE I DIDN’T MEAN TO BE RIGHT NOOOOOOO

   AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay so this whole time Jamie was yelling “Just because he’s got humanity doesn’t mean he’s nice” and HEY GUESS WHAT, ALL THOSE GIRLS DISAPPEARED BEFORE THE ECLIPSE ahahahaha

  of course the one human to weirdly survive the full Phantom process was a psychopath, of freaking course

   oh you poor babby getting turned down by a girl with long black hair wearing white ahahahahaha THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE MURDER YOU PSYCHOPATH, STOP THAT

   THAT DOES IT YOU’RE GREMLIN FOREVER NOW, SCREW WHAT YOU WANT TO BE CALLED, YOU WERE AND ARE A MONSTER

   OH GOG HE KILLS THEM WITH SCISSORS, WHY IS THIS GUY JUST DEADSET ON MAKING MY EVERY THOUGHT ABOUT HIM SUDDENLY BE IN HORRIBLE TASTE

   OH THERE YOU TWO HEROES ARE, THANKS FOR ONLY ARRIVING JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, HAHAHAHAHA KILL THIS GUY, PLEASE, HE IS NOT OKAY

   in other news the “salon” was indeed more makeshift than expected, being actually just a thrown-together setup with curtains in a parking garage. … gremlin when did you have time to set this up even?

   Haruto, now is not the time for questions. Now is the time for taking this serial killer out of existence. Preferably with Infinity because we might as well make it pretty to look at. … you’re not gonna, are you. But there’s no psychiatrists in tokuworld! Thus, this is the only way!

   Meanwhile, outside: Mayo transforms for the umpteenth time to fight Argus for the umpteenth time and WILL YOU JUST GO HYPER ALREADY AND FINISH THIS, THIS IS GETTING SILLY.

   well gee gremlin allow me to get out the world’s smallest violin to play off your deep emotional sadness over not being able to murder a girlandnot being able to be friends with haruto because of your trifling PSYCHOPATHY.

   … Well, okay, second-smallest. I’m not sure yet whether Compass Creepbug was creepier than you. He did try to kill more girls for less reason, but on the other hand youactually succeeded at killing a smaller number of girls for only slightly more of a reason. Still not a good reason though. Eh, it’s a toss-up and not one I feel like working out.

   AGAIN, GREMLIN: FRIENDS ARE HARD TO HAVE WHEN YOU’RE LITERALLY A SERIAL MURDERER, YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT IS NOT SYMPATHETIC. Haruto, stop fighting this punk in base Flame mode and switch to Infinity already.

   SEE, EVEN MAYO’S FINALLY GONE HYPER, YOU DON’T WANT TO LET HIM SHOW YOU UP, DO YOU? oh also mayo if you could see your way to destroying mister overexposes-the-film here, that’d be swell

   … Oh, huh. And not thirty seconds after my request, Argus is indeed gobbled up! … WHY DIDN’T YOU GO HYPER SOONER, MAYO? I know ModelGate wasn’t a great incentive, but your own CONTINUED SURVIVAL DEPENDENT ON EATING ought to have –

   … aw, whatever. You just gave ModelGate an adorable thumbs-up and now my train of thought is COMPLETELY derailed. … yuuuusuke <:3

   Hurraaaaay, Haruto IS going into Infinity! … gdi I swear I turn more into Zed with every passing arc. Inifinity is just so shiny though ;u;

   AW YIS, TAKE THAT GREMLIN, YOUR TELEPORTATION IS NO MATCH FOR INFINITY-SPEED! And now a Shining Strike to take you out of your misery –

   OH SCREW YOU I CALL HAX, NO WAY YOU DODGED THAT, NO FREAKING WAY, GET BACK HERE AND DIE YOU CREEP! NO, DON’T LET HIM GET OUT THE WINDOW HARUTO you let him get out the window. … weeeelp

   yes yes philosopher’s stone, Gremlin wants to get it, we still have no clue what that is, whateverrrrr I’m just waiting for that dude to get thrown into the sun now so he can stop being creepy

   Welp, looks like everyone else is getting a happy ending, anyway. ModelGate is rocking a new short hairstyle and is going to be taking her modeling overseas (FINALLY she learns SAFETY PRECAUTIONS, and it only took a serial killer!), and she got a noncommittal letter from her dad, hurraaaay :V

   Awww, Rinko. owo Yeah, Haruto, how could you know that Gremlin was a serial killer? Take your own advice and move on from the past! Just gotta take him out in the future and everything will be ooookay~

   KOYOMIIII <3 awww she came out of the shop to tell them that everyone’s going out for lunch, cuuutie –

   – NO. NO, HARUTO. WE ARE HAVING A CUTE FUN MOMENT HERE. DON’T FLASHBACK TO GREMLIN SAYING THAT KOYOMI’S EXISTENCE MAKES NO SENSE. SHE EXISTS AND SHE IS ADORABLE AND THAT IS ENOUGH. Just… go get lunch! Be happy! GDI!

gottischan:

acetechnologist:

[RECAP RECAP RECAP]

_____________________________________________

NO FEAR, NO PAIN! … Only confusion.

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… I’ve yet to meet ANYONE who watches Kuuga who hasn’t come out of it shipping Yuusuke and Ichijo… WELCOME TO THE CLUB (psst I won’t tell anyone psst)

ehehehehehehehehe

honestly the last time I saw something ship two dudes SO EXTENSIVELY was Days of Future Past :V

but yes Yuusuke/Ichijo forever, just two dorks stumbling/competent-ing their way through life together, yessss, I will accept my club membership gladly~ (shhhh a secret shhhh thank you for keeping it shhhh)

Oh, wow. We’re only 11 episodes away from being done with Kuuga, not counting the “46.5 special” episode in there which I am side-eyeing so hardbecausewhat even is that, do I want to know, it’s nearly an hour long, what in the blue blazes…
… Er, ahem, right, I’ll check that later. For now…
Heading into the end-game, I guess! Only just under a dozen episodes left for Kuuga to actually explain all this! Let’s go!
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: In which Vampire tries so very hard to get himself killed, Petal Dance Lady has apparently got a vendetta against my peace of mind, Ichijo is adorable but needs to GET SOME FREAKING SLEEP, and Wolverine-Nailpolish Grongi-Wolverine’s killing methodology is uncovered. By Yuusuke.
… I know, I’m shocked too.
Babby can think!
_____________________________________________

Episode 38:

   So, right, where did we leave off… Ah, of course. Petal Dance Lady is posing for an album cover, and Ichijo’s lining up a sniper shot… from about five feet away. Ichijo, I don’t think this is the best move…

   Asking her questions is a slightly better move, though equally as futile. Is she No.0? If so, whyfore the comrade murder in Nagano? What is the end goal here? ALL GOOD QUESTIONS: ALL UNANSWERED. THANKS, PETAL DANCE LADY, THIS WAS A GREAT CHAT

   holy cow Ichijo actually just straight-up shot her as she silently walked away, Ichijo you really are the best cop <3 … I mean, it didn’t do anything – she just insta-regenerates without barely flinching – but he tried! … aaaand now he’s probably in super trouble for that, but still

   WAIT WHAT WAS THAT PETAL DANCE LADY
   THE WHAT WILL ENTER THE WHO NOW
   THIS “DAGUVA” FELLOW’S GONNA TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN YUUSUKE, YOU SAY?
    WELL THAT SOUNDS JUST DELIGHTFUL SO
   AHAHAHAHA
  NO
  OVERMY ICHIJO’S DEAD BODY, YOU BELLOSSOM-WANNABE

(awwww, the themesong is still the changed version. Guess it really is here to stay. I miss my lighthearted “THIS IS A NEW SERIES GUYYYYS” corniness…)

   OH RIGHT VAMPIRE WAS FIGHTING ANTI-RIDER #2 OR SOMETHING, HAHA, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.

   Vampire continues to lose miserably, babbles something about having “the power of Daguva” (there’s that guy again – is he the one who those claws/talons belong to, then? I already dislike him on principle), and leaves after having some kind of stomach convulsion. Then Anti-Rider #2 leaves in silence. … KAY, GOOD FIGHT GUYS, GG

   Poor Yuusuke, meanwhile, just watches all this in utter confusion. Yeah, sorry kid, I have no clue what’s going on either. I think the bad guys may end up killing themselves off before you can do anything, haha…

   (also be on the lookout for bodysnatchers okay, something happening to you is the ABSOLUTE LAST THING we need, keep smiling yo)

   AND THEN PETAL DANCE LADY THREW ICHIJO THROUGH A FREAKING WALL
JEEEEEEZ LADY
   I MEAN I KNOW HE SHOT YOU AND ALL BUT C'MON THIS IS A DISPROPORTIONATE AMOUNT OF REVENGE HERE CONSIDERING YOU INSTANTLY HEALED THAT WOUND, ICHIJO DOES NOT HAVE THAT LUXURY
   SCREW YOUUUUUUU

   (yuusuke quick get ichijo to a hospital, sitting in a car will not cure his wounds this time okay)

   02:08PM, elsewhere, and OH RIGHT THE OTHER COPS WERE COMING UP WITH AN ISOLATED LOCATION IN WHICH TO KILL WOLVERINE OR SOMETHING, RIGHT. Jeez, there’s a lot going on lately. Anyway! Gonna kill her in an abandoned subway, hurraaay! Good a place as any, I suppose.

   oh wow yuusuke actually did call an ambulance and got ichijo to a hospital, sniffle, I’m so proud ;u; (why am I proud of yuusuke for the most basic of common sense) (what has this show done to me)

   AW JEEZ THREE WEEKS FOR ICHIJO TO RECOVER, WHAT D: Yuusuke has spoiled me for recovery times. But seriously, that’s… really bad, we kind of need Ichijo for things, noooo

   (in unrelated news: wow it is way too adorable how confident yuusuke is that ichijo will be okay because HE’S MISTER ICHIJO :D) (yuuuusuuuukeeeee I swear you are such a puppyyyyyy)

   ELSEWHERE: VAMPIRE CONTINUES HAVING STOMACH CONVULSIONS, HIS HAIR TURNS WHITE, MORE NEWS AS IT BREAKS WHEN ANYONE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT VAMPIRE :V

   02:41PM and Sakurai (yes I still giggle at his name, I am terrible) is trying to work things out, in spite of his not-being-Ichijo handicap. AND THEN YUUSUKE BRINGS HIM FOOD BECAUSE YUUSUKE IS SERIOUSLY TRYING TO KILL ME VIA CUTENESS OVERLOAD

   (come on he even remembered that sakurai freaking loves bread and brought him a ton of it) (yuusuke why are you so nice) (okay see now you cannot ever meet gen, there would be a niceness singularity and we would all die)

   Meanwhile… Coroner, what are you doing here. Look, I get that you’re Yuusuke’s doctor because Yuusuke cannot go to a regular doctor, being a secret hero with biologically-based superpowers and all, but can’t Ichijo get a sane normal doctor? … or are you just here because friendship because then I’d feel bad

   Hmm! The cops have managed to get all taxis shut down! Thaaaat’s going to play merry havoc on the local economy, I’m sure… but at least it means Wolverine will have to switch targets and potentially reveal her pattern in a desperate slip-up!

   Speaking of, there she is getting into an elevator! … oh gog all those elevator riders are doomed aren’t they, oh noooooo, rip random nameless bystanders

   Hurray, time for a meeting between the three relatively-newest Grongi and Petal Dance Lady! Apparently they think Vampire’s attacking Petal Dance Lady to get the location of Daguva, and also that said Daguva will “kill all useless creatures soon”. Regardless of veracity, Petal Dance Lady still ain’t talkin’.

   Meanwhile: YUUSUKE AND SAKURAI CONTINUE TO CONSPIRE TO KILL ME OF CUTE. Sakurai has been keeping notes in his pocket calendar of which days Kuuga showed up on and what colors were used, just ‘cause he always thought Kuuga was really cool. Yuusuke seems bemused, but honored. Cuties all around~ owo

   WHOOPS YUP THOSE ELEVATOR PEOPLE ARE ALL TOTES DEAD AND WOLVERINE IS WALKING THE STREETS! Now she’s caught sight of a bus. … Wolverine what is your plan even, do you just hate… vehicles, I guess??? or what????

   ELSEWHERES, AGAIN: Vampire’s bones are lengthening and sprouting out of his body. That or he just grew elbow-spikes, take your pick. Either way, you’ll have to try harder than that to be interesting, Vampire!

   And then a dude got thrown into a giant pit somewhere else. I think he’s dead. I think this might be another mass-Grongi-murderspree by this “Daguva” fellow? WHO KNOWS, THERE’S BLOOD EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND THIS IS REALLY QUITE CREEPY, THANKS KUUGA

   Oh hey, another thing that I completely forgot was going on! Sakurako continues puzzling over all these “Warrior” characters. So far, we’ve got one with two horns (used most places), one with three horns (used in one of the sacred spring riddles, I think?) and one with four horns (used in another of the sacred spring riddles, Ithink, and also possibly the bloody death-threat).

   What does it mean? WHO KNOWS. Sakurako’s archeologist buddy thinks that maybe it means a “four horn” upgrade for Kuuga, but honestly it’s all very confusing. GDI, Linto and Grongi! This is all your fault for apparently having interchangeable/similar glyphs and A FREAKING RIDDLE-LANGUAGE!

   Oh hey, Ichijo’s awake! Go back to sleep hon, we’re not doing too badly without you just yet, everyone’s trying their best not to let you down – gdi I said LIE DOWN YOU PUNK, YOU ARE INJURED

   Luckily, Coroner’s here to tell Ichijo just that, even if Ichijo continues to sit up anyway. Ichijo is busy trying to work out what Petal Dance Lady said, apparently. … And apparently she also added a “Daguva will bring about ultimate darkness” before throwing him through a wall. … Yeaaaah let’s not let that thing bodysnatch Yuusuke, shall we?

   But for now: LISTEN TO CORONER AND GET SOME DANG SLEEP, ICHIJO. Yeah, see, Yuusuke said for you to sleep, too! You don’t want to make that puppy sad, do you? Of course not. Go the frig to sleep.

   … Dangit Ichijo, you’re not going to sleep. Stop trying to distract me with a really sweet conversation about how you like working with Yuusuke, because even though he’s a derp and a dork, you admire/envy that he can go and have adventures. Which presumably you’d like to have yourself, but can’t because ~responsibilities~.

   … gdi, 70% of the reason I’m still watching this show is because of how well Ichijo and Yuusuke work together, now I’m all worried for the two of them, this isn’t fair

   DOUBLE GDI WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE RADIO ON, CORONER, NOW ICHIJO’S HEARD THAT WOLVERINE HAS STRUCK AGAIN AND HE’S GOING TO DO SOMETHING RECKLESS

   Anywho, the police are investigating the elevator, hurray! There doesn’t seem to be any connection between this elevator and the previous taxis though, so boooo. … Yuusuke actually seems to have an idea though. And predicts that the next target was a bus before he gets told. … Yuusuke, what is this sorcery?

   HOLY FRIG YUUSUKE ACTUALLY USED HIS BRAIN SOMEHOW, AND FIGURED OUT THAT THE GRONGI IS ATTACKING “MOVING BOXES” THAT MATCH A COLOR PATTERN. He even figures out the next target, an orange train! We’re… we’re actually solving a pattern without Ichijo’s help! I THINK THE WORLD MIGHT BE ABOUT TO END, GUYS

   AND YUP, THERE’S THE TRAIN, WITH WOLVERINE REGARDING IT OMINOUSLY – pfffaahahaha, the color pattern is based on her nailpolish colors, what, did she think maybe she might forget the pattern or something

   ELSEWHERES, ONCE MORE: I think Vampire is screaming at the sky that he’s gonna kill Daguva (well, he’s gonna kill someone anyway, and Daguva’s the most likely target). While some humans sleep nearby or something?? I dunno??? Vampire?????

    AW YES, COMPETENT COPS STRIKE AGAIN: Train’s stopped, bus lines are being shut down, the acid-neutralizing bullets are completed and on their way, AAAAND we’ve got a description of Wolverine’s civilian mode! Holy cow, everyone’s really trying their hardest to make up for the lack of Ichijo, aren’t they? :3 Cutieeeees~

   AW DANGIT. We’ve got Wolverine’s likely hiding spot, but OF COURSE Vampire chooses this moment to start killing humans and get everyone’s attention. THIS IS WHY SECONDARY RIDERS ARE GOOD, YOU GUYS. Not that we get one this season, from what I can tell… unless ichijo counts which maybe he SHOULD

Episode 39:

   WHAT DID I JUST SAY, ICHIJO. … Okay I suppose that technically “Ichijo should count as secondary rider/We need a secondary rider” could be interpreted as “Ichijo, get up and risk killing yourself by tackling Wolverine”, but that’s not what I meant!

   Pffahahaha. Coroner’s just like “gdi man I knew I couldn’t possibly give you enough sleeping pills to overcome your DETERMINED SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY so I didn’t even bother. Just don’t kill yourself.” You’ve known each other a while, haven’t you :V

   PFFFF WHAT. NO, LET ME HEAR THAT LINE AGAIN. … Well, “koi” was in there, I think, so… “Go out there and find your true love” might indeed be a correct translation. Um. WELL. THAT COULD BE TAKEN. SO MANY WAYS. COULDN’T IT. AHAHA. HA.
   (i ship it) (a little) (shhh) (it is) (a) (secret)

   ANYWHOOOO, Yuusuke’s plan is to go and rough up the Grongi a little bit before they presumably drag 'em off somewhere safer, at which point he’d like a gun from Sakurai. YUUSUKE? PLANNING? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS????

   Ohsnaaaaaap, Ichijo’s planning too! (Though that is, of course, less noteworthy than Yuusuke doing so.) Whatcha gonna use all the Vampire tracking equipment for, supercop?

   Ah, jeez D: No.0 has indeed been moving out of Nagano and killing more Grongi in other prefectures. Well, on the one hand: Yay, less Grongi for Yuusuke to have to fight! On the other hand: What is No.0’s goal here, it can’t be good

   ELSEWHERE, HOPEFULLY FOR THE LAST TIME: Vampire apparently wants the cops to shoot at him. I'mmmmm not touching that with a ten foot pole, thanks.

   … Vampire why do you think this “Daguva” cares about random human deaths? You aren’t on a proper Gegeru, assuming that’s the actual purpose of the Gegeru. Your motivation in killing these cops is strange and illogical

   MEANWHILE: Wolverine acidifies a cop, apparently frustrated that she wasn’t able to get to the train in time, I guess? Not sure how she missed that one, but whatever. White Scarfcloak Guy shows up to innocently comment on the lack of orange boxes, and she snaps at him. WHY DOES NO-ONE APPRECIATE SCARFCLOAK :(

   Haha, and Wolverine’s day continues to get worse, as now Yuusuke’s shown up! … Though, uh, Yuusuke? Please, please mind the acid she’s tossing around. I’d rather not have you out of commission for three days again while you defy death. Again.

   And then Gouram just kinda showed up for some reason.
   Yeah, okay.

    AW YES, YUUSUKE CONTINUING TO BE COMPETENT! First, he switches into Blue mode to keep Wolverine at arms’ length, then, he uses the staff to knock off Wolverine’s claw-gauntlet of acid! YES, NOW – uh, right, can’t go for the kill yet. Use… Gouram to lure her away without getting Gouram acidified, somehow?

   AH-HA, COPS TO THE RESCUE, WITH ACID-NEGATING BULLETS! Coulda gotten here a little sooner, guys, but I can’t be too mad. You’re trying your best, and Yuusuke had things under control. Somehow. I still don’t quite know how to handle a Yuusuke who isn’t flailing about wildly, haha…

   WOAH THERE YUUSUKE, EASY ON THE FINISHERS, YOU’RE NOT IN THE DESIGNATED KILL AREA YET I DON’T THINK! D: Haha, guess I spoke too soon with all the “competent"s and "isn’t flailing about"s…

   Luckily, Wolverine manages to shake off two finishing explodey-runes, though that does bring up some worries about how we’re gonna kill her once she is in the designated area… AH WELL! TIME TO DRAG HER OFF THERE REGARDLESS! GOURAM, AWAYYYYY~

   04:19PM, and Sakurako and her archeologist buddy are looking over the mummy of the previous Kuuga. Apparently, in spite of being y'know mummified and who-knows-how-ancient, it’s still alive. Thaaaat’s… super creepy…

   YEAH SURE SAKURAKO LET’S PRETEND THIS GUY WAS LIKE YUUSUKE, THAT’S NOT MAKING THE WHOLE I-HAVE-NO-MOUTH-AND-I-MUST-SCREAM-NESS ANY WORSE OR ANYTHING AHAHAHA seriously guys can’t we do anything for this guy, what are we doinghere

   WELP NO TIME FOR THAT, ONLY TIME FOR… gdi yuusuke’s teacher what are you doing back here, why do you keep being relevant somehow?! … Y'know what, just don’t bring any mopey kids or long family-life PSAs in with you, and we’ll be good, okay

   Aww, okay, Yuusuke’s teacher is just here to share stories of what Yuusuke was like as a kid, that’s cool. owo

   Not that he was much different than he is now, mind you, he just apparently used to cry a lot more. Even while he was beating up other kids for being bullies. XD That… sounds like it would make for a kind of terrifying fight experience

   Right so back to the fight with Wolverine! Yuusuke’s got her to the designated area! Gone into Green mode to use that gun Sakurai lent him! He’s asked the cops to close the huge doorgates! Which sounds kinda dangerous for him! Gosh I hope he knows what he’s doing!

   Haha, I forgot Green-Gold mode could fire off a barrage of bullets. Yeah, if that doesn’t kill her, nothing will, I guess. And thankfully those doorgates are really slow to close, so it looks like Yuusuke’s gonna make it out of there, hurrraaaay!

   AAAAAND SAFE! Just barely, mind you, and the explosion still nearly got through all three giant heavy doorgates, but SAFE! owo Good job, everybody, that was much better than I thought you’d do without Ichijo’s help! … SPEAKING OF, I THINK HE’S CHASING DOWN VAMPIRE, YUUSUKE YOU HAD BETTER GO AND HELP OKAY

   Oh, jeez. Looks like Vampire’s killed pretty much all the cops here. I wonder how many there were… Anyway, I think he’s yelling at Daguva to hurry up and… get here? Maybe? Okay, fine, I’ll stop trying to read the apparently-often-spoilery subtitles, haha… I can barely get anywhere with them anyway, so…

   Uh, hi, other newer Grongi lady who isn’t Petal Dance Lady. You seem to have a laptop. How nice. Just… hanging out here, wherever here is, with that guy who was cleaning off leaf stones a loooong time ago? That’s cool. He seems to be cleaning off talons now. Haaaave fun with that… I guess…?

   Oh, here’s newer Grongi lady’s rock posse. They discuss how Vampire’s still alive, how apparently Daguva will be "coming back for [those talons] eventually”, and how ONLY THE BEST CAN MAKE IT TO FINAL GEGERU. Okay sure sounds legit call me when you feel like actually explaining any of that instead of just giving me disturbing implications

   OHSNAAAAAP Petal Dance Lady here to BRING DOWN THIS PARTY with a gloomy “Don’t underestimate Kuuga or these Linto, they’re different from the ones we knew before!” Well, yes. A few hundred-to-thousand years of development will do that to a species, I’m sure.

   Anywho, enough of that! Yuusuke’s caught up to Ichijo, hurraaaay! <3 I’d say “tell that punk to go back to the hospital,” but there’s no way Ichijo would listen. Just… keep him from getting killed, okay, Yuusuke? Neither of you are allowed to die ever, not even if it doesn’t really count for one of you!

   ELSEWHERE, PERHAPS FOR REALSIE THE LAST TIME THIS TIME: Vampire is killing yet more cops. Good grief, how do we have any cops left in this area to throw at him?! Slow down, Vampire, you’re being a jerk

   Well, he’s probably gonna slow down FOR GOOD soon, because here’s Yuusuke and Ichijo to the rescue at last! Yuusuke’s wisely pulled out Purple mode already, aka THE BEST MODE (apart from Red-Gold but that’s… uh… not safe)

   Aw, dangit. the sword isn’t affecting SUPER-VAMPIRE and, I just noticed, Yuusuke isn’t actually in Gold mode for this color yet. GDI, Yuusuke, take the next step and try again!

   … ICHIJO, I LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT? <3 He has managed to turn the ultrasonic tracker into a weapon somehow, because apparently it can also send out signals, not just track them. HAVE FUN WITH WHATEVER EAR-PIERCING SOUNDS YOU ARE NO DOUBT HEARING, VAMPIRE! :V Now get'im, Yuusuke!

   Aw, dangit. Yuusuke tried, but base-Red mode’s kick wasn’t good enough, either – presumably he’s trying the base modes because 1) jeez he’s been fighting all day, he must be exhausted and 2) ichijo’s kinda right there, best try to keep the explosions down. But sadly that’s not gonna work on Vampire, so…

   OH SCREW YOU VAMPIRE NO, YOU KEEP THE HECK AWAY FROM ICHIJO, YOU LEAVE THAT PRECIOUS COP ALONE, HE IS THE BEST COP AND THIS SHOW WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT HIM

   YEAH YUUSUKE YOU DEFEND THAT ICHIJO, NO MORE ICHIJOS BEING ATTACKED ON YOUR WATCH OKAY >:I (owwwww ichijo still got tossed though, that had to hurt… again…)

   Aw, dangit, now Yuusuke’s gotten thrown too and – … Um. What’s up with the sudden change in the wind?… please tell me the trees aren’t attacking

   OH NOPE IT’S JUST DAGUVA HAHA, OKAY, THAT IS MUCH LESS RIDICULOUS. … Vampire. Vampire, bro. I don’t think getting that dude’s attention is as good a plan as you seem to think it is, assuming that you actually did. Duuuude. Maybe just give up on this and run away. C'mon, now.

   … Siiigh. He’s not doing the thing. He’s standing in the middle of the woods and babbleshouting again. C'mon, bro, what do you even hope to accomplish here –

   OH GOG THERE’S THAT LIGHTNING THING WE HAVEN’T SEEN SINCE LIKE THE FIRST EPISODE. VAMPIRE I DON’T THINK SHOUTING AT DAGUVA WAS THE BEST IDEA, YOU MORON.

   Yup, and there Vampire’s story ends, with him dead and bleeding copiously in a tree. Well, I sure hope whatever you were trying to do was worth it, Vampire. You truly were the Starscream of this show.

   Ichijo and Yuusuke walk up and just kinda gawk for a minute, before closing our episode out with some more awkward “look around the woods and wonder what the flip we even do now.” Weeeelp.

   THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T TAUNT THE FINAL BOSS, KIDS. REMEMBER IT.

Oh, Wizard. You may constantly be threatening to send me into despair, and I may not trust you any farther than I could throw you with these adorable babby heroes… But at least you almost never make me question my organizational structure. <3 At least we shall always have that.
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: In which we learn a little more about what Mayo was like as a teen (HINT: NOT MUCH DIFFERENT), a LOT of people are gullible morons, Gremlin is a punk, and Medusa is SO DONE WITH HIS SHENANIGANS.
Basically, a very nice bit of breather episode after last time. Thanks, Mayo!
_____________________________________________

Episode 32:

   SO UH RIGHT, last time was… a bit of a rollercoaster, yeah. So what’s up this time? Mayo failing at cutting onions, apparently. I think he might also be legit camping in a legit camping location, too. Progress?

   … No, no progress here, Mayo just blew up his campsite. gdi mayo why was that can of lighter fluid even remotely in range of that grill, you are TERRIBLE at camp safety

   THIS RANDOM PASSERBY AGREES. A random passerby who turns out to be an old highschool friend of Mayo’s, neat! owo … soooo how long until you turn out to be a Gate for maximum despair/determination

   WHO KNOWS. For now, random Ghoul attack! … No seriously, apparently some Ghouls were just causing trouble by themselves, there is neither Phantom nor Gate in sight. Haruto is just as confused as I am about this.

   Correction! There’s Medusa, way over there! Hi, Medusa. Gremlin’s not pleased with whatever shenanigans you were pulling here, apparently. Normally I’d say “SCREW HIM THEN” but oh right he’s your boss now. Still don’t understand why Wiseman thought this was a good idea. He’s not very good at management.

   GREMLIN, YOU MAY HAVE WISEMAN ON YOUR SIDE FOR SOME INCOMPREHENSIBLE REASON, BUT ANNOYING MEDUSA IS STILL A REALLY BAD IDEA, MAYBE LAY OFF ON THE “MINION”-CALLING AND THE PATRONIZING-TONE NOW, OKAY?

   Meanwhile: Mayo’s friend lives in a shack. I’m not sure what else I was expecting there, really. … A really well-locked shack FULL OF GUITARS WHAT. WELL THAT EXPLAINS THAT I GUESS.

   … Dude. Sell one guitar and actually buy a proper place to keep these in, this is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen. This place is not up to fire code and those padlocks do not protect the GIANT UNSECURED WINDOWS THAT COULD EASILY BE SMASHED IN. This is dumb. You’re dumb.

   CASE IN POINT: That flier, advertising “earn 100million yen [1 million dollars] per day”. Why are you taking that seriously. That is the scammiest thing I have ever seen. YOU ARE ALMOST CERTAINLY A GATE AND I WILL NOT PITY YOUR EVENTUAL DESPAIR (though I still won’t likeit)

   … gdi Shunpei of course you found it too. HARUTO AND KOYOMI ARE JUDGING YOU SO HARSHLY RIGHT NOW AND I DO NOT BLAME THEM. Donuts? Really? You’d just buy donuts? … though that does bring up the question of how haruto buys so many donuts, himself…

   GDI WAJIMA NO. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE ANTIQUE SHOP. Freaking sidekicks and their freaking tendency to fall for scams…

   :( Mayo. Mayo, no. You’re supposed to help your friends not fall for scams, not just tag along because you’re curious to see what the scam is! … I was impressed for a second that Mayo wasn’t interested in the money, then I remembered he’s technically already rich himself :V JUST A HOBO BY CHOICE

   OH HEY LOOK IT’S A PHANTOM TRAP. Actually, a kind of clever one, as much as I hate to give Gremlin credit. As far as I can tell, it goes like this:

   STEP ONE: get a bunch of gullible desperate losers together in one room via the promise of MAD STACKS OF MONEY
   STEP TWO:  the room has magic mirrors, medusa watches through mirrors
   STEP THREE: medusa spots Gates, separates them out
   STEP FOUR: ???
   STEP FIVE: PROFITPHANTOMS

   … I joke, but honestly, a desperate broke gullible Gate would probably be easy enough to break with “HAHA YOUR DREAM JOB WAS A LIE AND YOU’LL NEVER BE HIRED ANYWHERE LOSER,” after a sufficient build-up I mean. GDI, Gremlin, why are you being clever.

   oh look Mayo’s friend got the job ahahahahahaha good job being a gate, hope you enjoy DESPAIR

   Huh. They just gave 3 of the probably-Gates a bunch of money for sitting in a room for hours and then let them leave unmolested. … Okay??? Is this the build-up phase to make the eventual letdown more of a crash, Gremlin? Hmm.

   I’m just sayin, there coulda been more efficient methods here. Like, maybe have them fill out a questionnaire or do an actual INTERVIEW to find out more about these Gates, in case just plain “HAHA YOU’RE BROKE NOW AND WILL BE BROKE FOREVER AND NEVER HAVE THOSE NICE THINGS AGAIN” doesn’t work?

   Mayo’s friend and his guitars, for example, would be an easy despair to exploit. Just burn down his shack. Bam. BUT YOU DON’T KNOW TO DO THAT BECAUSE… well okay it’s just that your plan is not the right kind of clever. Not maximum clever, is what I’m saying here. TRY HARDER

   No, Mayo’s FriendGate. Mayo isn’t jealous, because he’s 1) already rich and thus 2) has the luxury of being a hobo-by-choice. He’s worried about how you’re spending all this money RIGHT AWAY, and also really skeptical about this “job” JUST LIKE YOU SHOULD BEEEEE

   Back at the Antique Shop, looks like Mayo’s dropped by for breakfast the next day. owo Poor Koyomi’s stuck serving plates because again I’m pretty sure she doesn’t/can’t eat. XD;; guys be niiiice

   Speaking of nice, apparently Mayo’s FriendGate was a really nice friend back in high-school, all supportive of Mayo’s archeology dreams and stuff. owo
   … UNTIL THE FIRE NATION PHANTOMS ATTACKED
   … WITH FIREMONEY!!

   PFFFAHAHAHA. XD Shunpei tried to agree with Rinko’s statement that “no legitimate business is giving out that kind of money per day,” and Koyomi promptly tells him to shut up. YOU DON’T GET TO PRETEND TO BE SMART, SHUNPEI, YOU ALMOST FELL FOR IT TOO

   Oh jeez, another group of Gates has been added to Mayo’s FriendGate’s group. At least Haruto, Rinko, and Mayo are now stalkingstaking out the situation from afar! … Rinko’s the only one with binoculars though and Haruto looks so booooredXD

   OMG HARUTO YOU DID NOT JUST PULL THE “tap her other shoulder to make her look away” TRICK TO STEAL THE BINOCULARS. YOU DID NOT. YOU DORK. … on the other hand mayo’s trying to use his hands as binoculars so at least you’re not that level of dork I guess

   AND THEN MAYO AND HARUTO SNUCK INTO THE BUILDING, USING “SMALL” AND “CHAMELEON” AND IT WAS SHENANIGANS FOREVER AND GDI MAYO WHY DIDN’T YOU CARRY HARUTO LIKE UNDER THE CAPE, THAT’D HIDE HIM RIGHT?? MAYBE?? I DUNNO THIS IS RIDICULOUS OKAY

   (“just put a cork in it!” “… how do I talk with a cork in it?” tho XD haruto no, haruto stop)

   WHOOOOOPS now you missed the Gates, they have left, because you were too busy being shenanigans. At least you found Medusa’s spyin’ room!

   OH GOG ABORT MISSION, MEDUSA’S IN ONE OF THE INTERVIEW ROOMS AND I’M PRETTY SURE SHE SAW YOU THROUGH THE MIRROR BACKWARDS SOMEHOW, ABORT MISSION, ABORT, BOOK IT

   BOOKING IT TOWARDS HER LOCATION FOR A CONFRONTATION IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND

   … Huh. It works out, though, because Medusa hates Gremlin so much that she’s willing to just let the heroes know the Gates are gone and let them go chase after said Gates unmolested. YET AGAIN, VILLAIN INFIGHTING SAVES THE DAAAY~

   … Make note of this, Haruto, this complete lack of teamwork on the villain’s part is a useful and abuse-able feature

   In other news: I have no clue what Gremlin’s plan was anymore, but there’s another Phantom involved and I think he’s just going to try killing the Gates. GDI THAT NEVER WOOOOORKS

   Also the new Phantom is some sort of plant creature?? … I’d say “Spriggan” but that was already used and, as covered, is not actually a plant creature per se. Boo. … Dryad?

   WELP DOESN’T MATTER, MAYO AND HARUTO HERE TO SAVE THE DAYYY~! … haruto don’t “nice to meet you” the monster, you sassy dooooork

   Awww, dangit. This Phantom can teleport AND he’s supernaturally good at dodging. CHEATER! TEN THOUSAND TIMES CHEATING!

   Pfffahahaha, meanwhile, Mayo’s FriendGate is incredibly amazed and confused by all these SUPERHERO HENSHIN SHENANIGANS. Look, just roll with it and be glad that you don’t have to deal with the despair side of these powers, mmkay

   … Hobgoblin? This Phantom is supposed to be a HOBGOBLIN? I, uh… no seriously where do plants fit in with hobgoblins??? OH WHATEVER. HARUTO THIS DUDE’S CHEATING, HE CAN FLY/FLOAT TOO, LET’S CHEAT BACK~

   AWWWW YESSSSS BLATANT ABUSE OF SUPER-MODE GO! … No, I’m not going to complain about how obviously overkill this is. This mode is shiny. I love it. … In other news, I’m apparently Zed now. MOVING ON~

   WHOOPS YOUR WEAPON DOES NOTHING. WHOOPS HARUTO CAN SUPER SPEED/TELEPORT NOW TOO. WHOOOOOOPS SPARKLESPARKLE GIANT AXE TIME, WHOOOOOOOPS YOU’RE DEAD wait what, a phantom dead in the first half of an arc? … Harutowhat have we done

   OH GOG HE TURNED INTO GHOSTS BEHIND YOUR BACK AND POSSESSED ALL THE GATES OH GDI HARUTO WHY’D YOU HAVE TO MISS THAT, MAYO TELL ME YOU NOTICED

  of course he didn’t notice gdi gdi this is going to be awfullllll

   Oh well, guess that’s a worry for next episode. THIS EPISODE: Mayo and his friend are cute friends together, Mayo gets a guitar-pick necklace, Haruto awkwardly kicks around at the dirt because HAPPINESS, WHAT IS, HOW DOES REACT??? (poor haruto)

  And thus, with Mayo’s friend driving off into the sunset and out of Tokyo NO DOUBT FOREVER, this episode ends.

   … And by “no doubt forever” I mean “taking bets on how long before he turns around and despair-shatters as a result” :V

Episode 33:

   WAJIMA WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT FLIER GDI THAT WAS LITERALLY A PHANTOM TRAP THROW IT OUT ALREADY
   (what no I’m not just trying to distract myself from all the “AND NOW THIS CASE IS WRAPPED UP FOREVER” fate-tempting that everyone else is doing in the antique shop right now, shhhhh)

   Meanwhile: Medusa, I understand that Gremlin is an annoying punk who has no real leadership skills, but, he does for some inane reason have Wiseman’s confidence right now. Maaaaybe don’t be so transparently happy that Gremlin’s plan seemingly failed (in part because of you, no less)? If Wiseman catches on, I think you’d be in trouble…

   (IN OTHER NEWS GREMLIN IT’D BE GREAT IF YOU COULD RESPECT PERSONAL SPACE AND MAYBE STOP CLINGING TO MEDUSA’S SHOULDER WHILE GIGGLING, JUST STOP, THANKS)

   … Huh. In unrelated news, judging by the Super Hero Taizen promo going on in the opening, the Anti-Kengo Butterfly-Hero made a reappearance. Neat. Can’t say I was expecting him to ever show up in anything again, haha. ANYWAY

   … Oh, gdi. I have no clue how, but SOMEHOW the Phantom just caused Mayo’s FriendGate to find a free gas coupon that is ~ONLY VALID IN TOKYO~. So back he goes. Only 4 minutes have passed, please feel vindicated/disappointed in your bets as appropriate

   … Correction: He is somehow wrangling events so that ALL the Gates are having absurd reasons to stay in Tokyo/go back to Tokyo. I have no clue how he is doing this but I call shenanigaaaaans

   Mayo, sometimes I really just do not understand how you haven’t starved to death already. At least you managed to run into your friend while racing about the city aimlessly. Please convince him to just leave already. This is getting silly.

   (PFFAHAHAHA “You are wasting our perfect sappy goodbye!” REALLY MAYO. REALLY. I’M DONE, YOU’RE GROUNDED)

   And thus, because Mayo is not very good at convincing people, Mayo got dragged around Tokyo by his friend while a SERIES OF INCREASINGLY IMPROBABLE EVENTS netted his friend an improbable amount of money. … Soooo, when does the crushing despair happen, exactly? This plan is weird.

   Haruto and Shunpei are having slightly better luck with the Gate they just found, at least, basically managing to INTIMIDATE the poor sucker into agreeing to leave XD LOOK THEY JUST DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE HORRIBLY, JUST GO HOME OKAY

   Meanwhile, Mayo’s FriendGate buys an entire guitar shop. He’s also bought a silk shirt and some nice pants. Mayo is not very amused by this slide back into money-centered silliness. Sorry, Mayo. Your friend is giving you a run for your money in the “derp” category.

   GDI HOBGOBLIN HOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP MAKING GOOD/BAD THINGS HAPPEN? YOU HAVE LUCK POWERS OR SOMETHING? WHY DOES A HOBGOBLIN HAVE LUCK POWERS.

   Y'KNOW WHAT, NO, WHATEVER, JUST GET THE GATE OUT OF HERE IN SPITE OF HIS WHINING, HARUTO

   … Okay, really, how many times do I have to say this. PHANTOMS. Trying to kill Gates is a really bad idea because, as has been covered, a dead Gate births no Phantoms. Plus, a lot of people, in the face of an attack WANT TO ESCAPE AND LIVE, not “welp time to give up on everything and go into utter despair”. Utter despair, thus far, seems to be “I no longer have any reason to live,” which isn’t the feeling anyone seems to get when they’re being attacked. You need to attack THAT REASON TO LIVE instead, or else NO SHATTERING.

   But the point is: Hobgoblin, if that random falling platform had hit that Gate, you would LOSE. How is this so hard to grasp?! Why would you even do that?!?! GRAAAAARRRRRGHHHH why am I giving the villains tips, what is wrong with me

   Anywho, silly raging at the Phantoms aside, Haruto cottons on that something’s possessing the Gate, and manages to kick Hobgoblin away from him. Somehow. Apparently Hobgoblin wasn’t so much “possessing” as much as he was “invisibly floating over the dude’s shoulder”. … okay sure why not

   AND THEN SOMEHOW HOBGOBLIN SUMMONED AN INCREASINGLY IMPROBABLE NUMBER OF PRATFALLS, OUT OF NOWHERE, TO STOP HARUTO FROM CHASING HIM???
   I
   WHAT
   WHY IS MY KEY PHRASE FOR THIS DUDE “INCREASINGLY IMPROBABLE”

   I’m sorry Haruto this Hobgoblin is insane and has reality-warping luck-based powers, I don’t know how you’re supposed to deal with this, but uh… good luck?

   Oh, by binding him and slashing him before he can stop you, okay, that was PRETTY SLICK. Now if you could do the same to Gremlin who just showed up to taunt at you and explain his plan, that’d be great

   okay seriously what part of “hobgoblin” did they decide translated into “ghost-possession, luck-manipulation, teleportation, and levitation”? I mean, hobgoblins were like brownies but tricksier, so I guess the luck-manipulation could be seen as an amplification of “pranks”, but possession? He’s really more of a ghost or spectre of some sort at this point, not really a goblin of any variety… GDI LOGIC HAS ABANDONED US :(

   AN.Y.WHO. Yeah looks like the plan is just “give people a lot of stuff then snatch it all away in one fell swoop, HOPEFULLY causing enough despair to crack ‘em.” Not a bad plan, but not the cleverest. It’s lacking a certain style.

   GDI WIZARD STOP COMING UP WITH SITUATIONS IN WHICH THE ELEMENTAL DRAGON MODES AND DRAGO-TIME ARE NECESSARY :( I may have accepted Infinity mode, but that doesn’t mean I’m 100% okay with Dragon yet! … Fiiine. Drago-Time is used so Haruto can keep an eye on four Gates at once, while Mayo focuses on his friend.

   HIS FRIEND WHO IS BEING A MORON JERK RIGHT NOW. DUDE. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE “YOU WILL SHATTER” BIT OF THIS WHOLE SITUATION? LET MAYO KILL THE PHANTOM. I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH LUCK YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW, THAT’S NOT THE FREAKING POINT YOU MOROOOOON

   well okay yes Mayo wants the Phantom for himself but not in the way you think, haha :V srsly though he’s not lying and he doesn’t care about money because HE ALREADY HAS IT IF HE WANTS IT, stop being a moron, you’re gonna get yerself shattered

   Meanwhile: Haruto’s fight against multiple dudes who can summon random bad events OUT OF THIN AIR is going about as well as you’d expect, i.e., not at all.

   AND THEN MAYO’S FRIEND-GATE SOMEHOW GATHERED HIMSELF A MINI-YAKUZA POSSE
   I DON’T EVEN KNOW EITHER
   HE’S SETTING THEM AGAINST MAYO ANYWAY WHICH IS A REAL JERK MOVE. MAYO, I THINK YOU SHOULD DITCH THIS LOSER, LET HIM SHATTER okay fine don’t let him actually shatter but maybe nearly shatter, maybe then he’ll LEARN

   okay haruto that one wasn’t even bad luck, that was your Earth-copy being the stupidest moron and getting himself tangled up, I don’t think Hobgoblin even had to do anything there

   MAYO’S FRIEND-GATE, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT CAR. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T STEAL IT. Also: good job nearly running over a lady with a baby carriage and getting yourself into a wreck, HMMM MAYBE YOU SHOULD’VE LISTENED TO MAYO????… idiot

   oh good now your car’s gonna blow up and your yakuza posse has abandoned you, this was entirely avoidableeeeeeee

    Awwww, Mayo <3 all like YEAH I’M AN IDIOT BUT I’M NOT GONNA IGNORE THE BIGGER IDIOT WHO’S IN TROUBLE. At least you’re fully aware of this situation, silly dork. Go ahead and help, I suppose this moron doesn’t entirely deserve death

   hahahahaha hobgoblin this plan was not entirely a good one for you, you picked Mayo’s friend as a target, now Mayo’s gonna murder – um. Mayo? Why are you not going into Hyper mode? Your base mode’s finisher runs on luck, this is kind of a terrible idea!!

   WHY ARE YOU USING THAT FINISHER AAAAAAAAA yup look there’s a 1, good job, this was not the brightest moooove

   … Okay, fine. Respect points for DETERMINATION AND FRIENDSHIP'ping your way through that 1, turning the single spirit-falcon into a huge Hobgoblin-wreckin’ beast. … Still shoulda just used Hyper though

   Meanwhile: Haruto was having trouble with his ring-belt, because LUCK-BASED SHENANIGANS. … So he tore off the whole belt and just activated everything into four simultaneous kick strikes.What.

   … I’m pretty sure that should have magic-overload-exploded or something, but sure, WHATEVER WORKS, LET’S JUST GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE AND PRETEND THIS WHOLE MESS NEVER HAPPENED

   Oh, NOW you’re going Hyper, Mayo? Pfff. You have the worst timing sometimes. Whatever, finish this last Hobgoblin off so we can all go home

   And thus, with minimal fanfare, the final Hobgoblin got nommed, and Mayo bought himself another who-knows-how-many-days of existence. HURRAAAAAAAAY now someone get these idiot Gates out of here before they trip and somehow despair themselves, jeez

   … N'awwww, fine, Mayo and his friend making up with one another by doing their little SHOUTING OF THE BRO RULES routine is adorable, I suppoooose I can stop being angry at almost everyone for being morons.

   (Especially cute: “THIRD! I’LL GIVE YOU ALL MY GUITARS!” “FOURTH! DON’T WANT 'EM!” … guys I don’t think this format works for a discussion you dooooorks)

   And thus, with everyone happy, this episode ends~!

   … Wait. Wait a second.
   This episode seems… off…
   WAIT.
   WAIT.
   HARUTO.
   YOU DIDN’T EAT A DONUTTHIS EPISODE
   I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE
   OH GOG
   HARUTO
   you aren’t… gonna die or something… are you…?
   HARUTOOOOOO

Jeez, Kuuga can be confusing for my recap setup sometimes. I mean, I know two-episode arcs weren’t really a set-in-stone thing yet, but at the same time, Kuuga’s normally pretty good about keeping things arc-ish.
This arc and the next one, though, I had to look at really hard before deciding whether there were three-part-arc shenanigans going on here. There aren’t, technically it’s more of a four-part and honestly I’m just not gonna go there. It’s all very… loose. GDI, Kuuga.
… But enough of my organizational worries, let’s get going!
_____________________________________________

OVERALL: So, uh. Is nobody going to acknowledge the end of last arc? No? That’s… cool. Yeah, actually, I’m good with this. Let’s all just laugh awkwardly and hope that it never happens again ahahahaha. ha.
Meanwhile, the Anti-Rider of Questionable Motives and Origin decides to show up to cement his existence, a Grongi has a taxi vendetta, Vampire continues to basically be The Starscream, and Petal Dance Lady poses for album covers. Fun!
_____________________________________________

Episode 36:

   SO UH RIGHT. Last time was… certainly a thing. With that in mind, how do we open this time, show? With Ichijo getting Yuusuke some therapy, I hope? Maybe some sort of police discussion over how freaking terrifying Yuusuke is?

   Orrrr we could open with Sakurako reviewing the pictures she’s taken of that bloody glyph on the wall, looking them over with Ichijo, sure. I guess that other stuff WOULD be a bit heavy for the very first scene. ‘Kay, we’ll get back to that I guess. So what’s up, Sakurako?

   Ah, dang. I was worried that the glyph looked a lot like “Kuuga”, and it is indeed just that. A death threat, perhaps? … Sakurako says no. She thinks that maybe the “Kuuga” character was a Grongi character all along. That or EVERYTHING she’s been translating is Grongi? HMM.

   So, are we perhaps dealing with something a bit like the difference between Chinese characters and Japanese kanji, then? I mean, if some sort of apocalypse event happened in OUR world and archeologists were looking at the two cultures via their writings much later on, I’d imagine there’d be a bit of confusion sometimes…

   (Though, honestly, thinking of it in that way kinda adds some weird undertones to the whole Grongi/Linto affair, doesn’t it? Let’s… not do that)

   GDI WHY IS THE HORROR-THEMED OPENING STILL HERE
   IT’S NOT A THEMED OPENING AT ALL IS IT :(
   IT’S HERE TO STAY AND MY BELOVED SILLIER THEMESONG IS GONE ISN’T IT
   WHY THIS KUUGA :( WHY
   r.i.p. cheesy silly themesong, you have been devoured whole by a darker theme

   Oh well. 08:14AM, and Yuusuke’s racing around on his bike! Off to visit Enokida! … Sooo, are we just not gonna mention last arc’s psychotic break at all, then? … I’m okay with that. KEEP SMILING YUUSUKE ;u;

   Hmm. IS Petal Dance Lady really this mysterious No.0? Did she kill all those other Grongi in Nagano? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW (something tells me she isn’t) (at the very least she seems like the type to have a boss somewhere)

   AND THEN PETAL DANCE LADY POSED FOR AN ALBUM COVER IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE. No seriously she just swans about for a solid minute, not sure what the point even was

   Right, so back to the more sensible and logical Ichijo and Sakurako we go! Yes, please do elaborate on this 'grongi glyph’ theory, Sakurako.

   Hmmm. She feels that since the Linto people, from what she can tell, were a peaceful people, the “warrior” character feels out of place for their dialect/logography. Weeell, I dunno. Seeing as they obviously had contact with the Grongi, wouldn’t they at least need a glyph for “those guys what attack us with the violence and the stabbing”? Couldn’t it just be a *new* glyph, relatively speaking? … Eh, but what do I know, I’m not the magic translator here. Go on.

   Huh. Sakurako ALSO has a theory that the glyph for “warrior” could also double as the glyph for this “No.0” character. … No, I do not like this theory at all, try again. GDI, YUUSUKE HAS ENOUGH PROBLEMS ALREADY, OKAY

   … Not that he shows it most days. Hello, Yuusuke. Hello, Enokida. Both cheerful as usual, I see! And Yuusuke thanks her politely for the bike which he used to drag a monster to a brutal death location last episode, WHICH NOBODY IS MENTIONING. Such a good kid.

   … PFFFAHAHAHA. And then Enokida shares some of what Ichijo said to the Kanto police, to make them give up the bike. APPARENTLY HE REALLY DID JUST GO ON LIKE AN HOUR-LONG RANT OVER HOW AMAZING KUUGA IS AND HOW COULD THEY HINDER SUCH A HERO, WHAT KINDS OF MONSTERS WERE THEY. Beautiful. Anyway, Yuusuke is embarrassed and it’s reallycutegdi

   But back to the matter at hand: Hurray, Enokida has also noticed that these monsters are becoming a little more Kuuga-like, what with the having things that they turn into weapons and all. So, she’d like to do some tests to understand how Yuusuke does it, since it seems to be the same mechanism.

   … dangit, there’s some slightly worrisome implications there. … But ignoring that, HURRAY, SCIENCE!

   Meanwhile: The lady grongi who’s been hanging about with a fan for the past few arcs is painting her nails! GDI grongi, stop being so amusing with your random obsessions

   and then she got in a taxi and poor White Scarfcloak Guy is forced to follow on foot. I hope that guy has some kind of teleportation method, at least. I really do feel sorry for him XD;;

   OH HI VAMPIRE. How’s it going? Not well, it looks like. Maybe stop walking around in sunlight, that might help.

   Waaaait a second, that thing he’s been toying with isn’t a leaf stone at all! It’s some kind of… golden fang? And then he stabs himself with it. Huh. 'Kay.

   … Is that thing related to the fang/talon-ring that Petal Dance Lady uses to send people on Gegeru? Did he just HIJACK THE SYSTEM? … Dude, you are going to be in SUCH TROUBLE. You are so the Starscream of this group. You moron.

   08:22AM (jeez, an awful lot is happening in a very short amount of time here), and it seems Sakurako’s plan is to go and inspect the inscriptions for herself, since she’s only been relying on photos thus far. Fair enough, 2000s camera technology could be iffy sometimes, 'tis true.

   Back at the Pole Cafe for the first time today, and… oh, gdi. Let’s give the rundown:
   1) Pole Cafe Guy is working on his scrapbook. Again.
   2) Minori is doing Yuusuke’s job. AGAIN.
   3) Asahina… is doing something ridiculous with her hair, and is excited about an upcoming movie audition. This is new, but not entirely welcome/interesting. GDI POLE CAFE

   Oh, also Pole Cafe Guy would like to know whether Yuusuke got a girlfriend or something, since APPARENTLY normally the kid doesn’t stay in one place for so long. Also it’s been about 8 months now since the start of this whole mess, neat.

   ANYWAY NOPE HE’S JUST DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO SUPERHEROING, POLE CAFE GUY, NO WORRIES.

   and then Nailpolish Grongi acid-melted the cab driver for daring to charge her ~$16 for her trip. Then apparently decided to try another cab. Without said other cab noticing what happened to the first one. … seems legit

   09:23AM annnnd GDI YUUSUKE STOP ADORABLY MAKING PAPERCRAFT ANIMALS IN ENOKIDA’S OFFICE, STOP IT, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO ADORABLE when you were so terrifying last episode?!
   … I’m not saying the two things can’t coexist but gdi yuusukeeeee I worry for youuuuu

   holy coooow and Yuusuke actually turns down a free lunch because he has to go work at the cafe. What’s with all this responsibility all of a sudden?! YUUSUKE. WHAT ARE YOUUUUU.

   Hmmm. Back with Sakurako and Ichijo again, we’re investigating the dig, hurray! But now Sakurako says that the ancient warrior (who was clearly wearing the Kuuga belt) sealed No.0 into the coffin here? Well, which is it, are they both the same or not?

   Ah, jeez, I forgot that they found 200 empty Grongi graves at the start of these shenanigans. We’re only up to, what, nearly 50 noticed & numbered Grongi thus far? Daaang. … Then again, another 30-ish just recently got ka-splattered by No.0 or somebody, so I guess we’re actually nearly halfway done! :V

   Man, no wonder Sakurako’s been having trouble. Half of these written-on slabs are all cracked and the writing’s faded, I’m surprised she’s been able to magic-translate as much as she has.

   … Huh, I didn’t think of that. Yeah, Nailpolish Grongi going on a Gegeru probably does mean that Petal Dance Lady is back in Tokyo, right?

   Either that or Nailpolish Grongi was set before Petal Dance Lady left for her WHIRLWIND POSING TOUR. Maybe she had a really long timelimit and was procrastinating? … WHATEVER: ICHIJO, BACK TO TOKYO PLEASE, WE WILL NEED YOUR BRAINSMARTS

   AW DANGIT AND NOW VAMPIRE’S ON THE MOVE, TOO. Vampire, couldn’t you have waited until after Nailpolish Grongi’s Gegeru, honestly? You’re The Starscream, nobody cares about youuuuu

   Whoops, there goes another cab driver! … Huh, she seems to be up to 5 kills now, unless White Scarfcloak Guy’s actor was just playing around with the number of beads. :V … That’s actually not that many kills. I guess she just lucked out and got a really low number for her Gegeru?

   … GDI, Vampire, where’d your coat go? That tanktop just looks silly. Nailpolish Grongi is not impressed. Not even when you ditch the umbrella and reveal that you can stand in sunlight now. SHE LOOKS SO BORED, IT’S GREAT

   OHSNAP time for a fight, in what looks to be a dive-bar-ish concert location! First sighting of Nailpolish’s Grongi form, go! … Okay I’m not certain what she’s supposed to be but considering she just pulled out a gauntlet with three claws, that does it, she is now Wolverine.

   Also the claws are acid now. PROTIP, VAMPIRE: STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND LEAVE THIS LADY TO HER GEGERU

   COPS ARRIVE!… And promptly realize that since it’s just more Grongi infighting, it’s not worth risking lives over. They’re just gonna wait outside. BEST COPS <3

   AND MOREOVER THEY’RE ALREADY LOOKING FOR A SAFE PLACE FOR KUUGA TO KILL THIS THING, SINCE THE ACID IN WOLVERINE WILL POSSIBLY MAKE AN EVEN BIGGER EXPLOSION THAN BEFORE. BEST. COPS.<3

   Ohsnap. Yuusuke arrives on the scene and barely even pauses, swapping into Blue mode and pulling off a nearby fencepole to use as the staff. Very smooth~

   A'IGHT, BOUNCER YUUSUKE’S HERE NOW, BREAK IT UP GUYS, BARFIGHTS AIN’T WELCOME IN THIS HERE FINE ESTABLISHMENT

Episode 37:

   Man, Yuusuke’s gone from struggling against one Grongi to comfortably fending off two (though not exactly beating either, of course). At least until Vampire pulls a suckerpunch on him and runs, anyway. Still! This is some nice hero-strength progression we’ve got going on here uwu

   Welp. Wolverine ran off too, so time to call Ichijo and fill him in re: Vampire getting some kind of upgrade and this whole infighting thing.Yuusuke’s descriptions remain as amusingly simple as ever~

   Ichijo thinks maybe all this weird Grongi behavior is tied into that No.0 massacre. Well, not like we have any other explanation at this point, so… Yup, that’ll work as well as anything.

   Meanwhile: Sakurako somehow not only has access to, but knows how to use, some complicated-looking lighting & equipment. Jeez, Sakurako, you really are just magic when it’s anything even remotely connected to these glyphs, aren’t you?

   00:05PM, aaaaand gdi Jean you’re still not relevant to the plot. Not even if you bring data on Gouram. Stop showing up and being awkward around Enokida. I really preferred when you just trolled the other side-characters, okay :(

   Woaaaah, Yuusuke’s using his brain! Yeah, on top of Wolverine’s acid-blood maybe being more explosive, any blood that DIDN’T explode might spray about and cause problems. Luckily, the cops are already trying to find a good battle spot considering that, so we’re good <3 best teaaaaam~

   MADE EVEN BETTER BECAUSE HERE’S ICHIJO FINALLY JOINING THE PARTY AGAIN <3 (yuusuke is so happy at this too owo cute puppy babby)

   Aw, man. The only constant about Wolverine’s attack pattern, thus far, is that she’s always hitting taxis. Nothing else about the victims – or the cars – is the same. Not a very narrow pattern…

   I mean… There’s kind of a lot of taxis in Tokyo, I think. And shutting them all down would wreak absolute havoc on the local economy & other transportation systems… gdi grongi, your murderspree is limited yet frustratingly effective

   00:23PM, and Enokida’s reviewing the Gouram data. Yeah, it’s kinda interesting that the Linto made this war-beetle, huh? … I want to believe that it was just in response to being slaughtered by Grongi, but I worry that it means Gouram is ~THE ENEMY~…

   HURRAY, Enokida’s gonna work on an anti-Wolverine-acid thing next! GO GO SCIENCE! … Also Jean continues to be awkward THE END

   Looks like the Grongi are meeting up again. Not even sure where they are this time, honestly. It’s dark and claustrophobic with either a spotlight or a furnace, and that’s literally all I got.

   Anyway, a rather secretarial-looking woman babbles for a bit with the military-looking guy, a punk-rock-dude chimes in, everyone smiles and nods, okay good chat guys, glad we had this discussion

   And then Vampire babbled to himself in the sun. GUYS I DON’T THINK HE’S ALL THERE (and I’m pretty sure petal dance lady is going to murder him dead for these shenanigans) (OR AT LEAST SHE OUGHT TO)

   Oh hey, a letter from that archeologist’s daughter, Mika! Guess she’s still existing. … Yeah that’s pretty much all this letter tells us, that and Nagano is a nice place apparently. KAY THANKS FOR SHARING

   Back with our real heroes… Ah, yeah, we STILL don’t know why Vampire was pacing back and forth between Tokyo and Nagano, do we? Sheesh. I guess he might have just been trying to find that Razor Claw without anybody noticing he was gone (easy enough, nobody liked or cared about him), but… who knows??

   Oh, huh! Apparently the bloody glyph at the Grongi-massacre site has 4 horns on it, unlike Yuusuke’s, which has 2. Other than that they’re identical, but c'mon, some Kanji have smaller differences than that while still meaning completely different things! It doesn’t have to be bad for Yuusuke now, right? … Right?!

   (Ichijo I know it’s kinda important to keep Yuusuke in the loop but at the same time, please don’t worry the babby, it makes him not smile AND HIM NOT SMILING IS TERRIFYING)

   Oh good Sakurako’s found the Dried Spring/Thunder Warriors/Solar Eclipse riddle again, my favorite. … OH AND DOUBLE GOOD: THE “WARRIOR” GLYPH IN THERE ACTUALLY IS THE ONE WITH 4 HORNS, IT WAS JUST SO FADED THAT SHE DIDN’T REALIZE IT BEFORE. WONDERFUL.

   AW DANGIT, some random unnamed citizens have found another area that’s gotten bathed in blood, presumably in Nagano. Goodness gracious I hope that’s Grongi blood. How many got offed this time, and how worried should I still be that they’re getting killed?

   Elsewhere, Wolverine seems to be having some trouble finding a cab. White Scarfcloak Guy shows up to give her the helpful tip that the Linto/humans aren’t DUMB, and she should probably step up her game rather than make it obvious. Sadly, she is not very appreciative. :(

   WHY DOES NO-ONE APPRECIATE WHITE SCARFCLOAK GUY, HE IS CLASSIER THAN ALL OF THEM AND HE DOES THEM A USEFUL SERVICE :(

   Meanwhile: TECHNOBABBLE TECHNOBABBLE, Enokida is investigating the acid! It took them a while to get it back to the lab, it’s so volatile, eheh. Well, not like anyone can blame you! SCIENCE, GO! … Jean is still incredibly awkward and incredibly irrelevant. NEXT.

   Aw dangiiiit, Vampire’s on the move again. At least Wolverine’s not currently doing anything. ACTION COPS AND YUUSUKE, AWAY TO INTERCEPT!

   Pfffahahaha. Vampire was apparently on the move again… in order to attack Petal Dance Lady. She doesn’t even react when he scratches her face. (And why should she – it heals immediately.) VAMPIRE YOU ARE SUCH A STARSCREAM, QUIT IT BEFORE YOU DIE

   OKAY WHAT PART OF “QUIT OR DIE” DID YOU INTERPRET AS “SLAP PETAL DANCE LADY IN THE FACE”? Dude, that smile she’s wearing is a danger smile, it is like the opposite of Yuusuke’s smile, you need to run away

   Oh hello again, Anti-Rider #2! Here to save Petal Dance Lady the trouble of beating up Vampire herself, I see. Cool, cool. … So, d'you think maybe afterwards, you could tell us WHAT IS EVEN UP WITH YOU???  'kthx

   (I’m counting Red Scarf Guy as Anti-Rider #1, fyi) (on account of the bike and the twisted mimicry of kuuga’s henshin posing) (I do what I want okay)

   Oh um Yuusuke, you made it here pretty quick, huh? Well. Uh. It seems the Grongi are infighting again, and considering Petal Dance Lady seems to have ridiculous hax levels of health regeneration, maaaaybe just hang back and wait to see how everything shakes out? … you aren’t gonna, are you

   Wait, he actually kind of seems to be doing that? Huh! I mean, he still transformed, but that’s not a bad safety precaution. Okay! Just keep on staying over THERE, okay, I don’t think your level’s high enough to take on a second anti-Rider yet…

   WHOOOOPS, THE COPS SHOWED UP AND VAMPIRE IS BOOKING IT (after getting pretty soundly beaten by Anti-Rider #2, though I get the impression that the guy wasn’t even really TRYING. Scary…)

   and by “cops” I mostly just mean Ichijo but c'mon he can substitute for the entire rest of the force in a pinch (except maybe enokida) (because SCIENCE)

   OH UM HI PETAL DANCE LADY. I kinda thought you just wandered off when Anti-Rider #2 started wailing on Vampire, but I guess you’re still here? … ichijo run while she’s busy posing for more album covers

   OR OUR EPISODE CAN END WITH YOU LINING UP TO TAKE A SHOT AT HER
   GDI THAT’S NOT GONNA WORK
   ALSO: DOUBLE GDI, I AM NOT DOING ANOTHER THREE OR FOUR PARTER. NO. I AM DONE WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS, KUUGA. WE ARE STICKING TO TWO EPISODES PER RECAP NOW. THIS IS NOW ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. MAYBE THE FINALE WILL BE AN EXCEPTION IF NECESSARY, BUT SERIOUSLY, WE’RE DONE
   AAAAARRRRRGHHHHH