Sunsets are something to behold. The ending of a day, but the introduction of night as well. They change shifts so that she may show us a new beginning in the next day when she recedes to the sunrise.
Be someone elses sunrise when you can & appreciate those who bring light.
Sending good vibes today. I’m riding the nice confidence waves I caught when I woke up this morning and I’m going to use that best I can. Be strong and Be well Legion!
The Guardians are one of two indigenous groups on the eastern fringe of the Amazon that have taken radical action to reduce illegal logging. They have tied up loggers, torched their trucks and tractors, and kicked them off the reserves.
As a result, such logging has sharply declined in these territories. But the indigenous groups have faced reprisal attacks and death threats for their actions, raising fears of more violence in an area known for its lawlessness.
Here we are. The end of Amazon, faster than anyone at the time expected. Cancellation’s a bit of a jerk like that… But it’s been fun anyhow, hasn’t it? So, let’s see how we wrap up this wild ride… _____________________________________________
OVERALL: Okay I just wait no there’s um … Amazon’s wearing a suit, nuke safety is nonexistent, and I’m not sure I can describe any of this. Let’s roll. _____________________________________________
And Then He Decided To Go Home; let’s take a bite out of demon-crime! Or two. Or three. Or…
Episode 23:
today on Amazon: yay, fireworks!
And by fireworks I mean H-bombs helium bombs, aka a thing that does not even exist as far as I can tell, but okay. Because Garanda just has those now. So some island somewhere is now kind of inhabitable and/or does not exist anymore, probably. … guys I know y’all really want to set Tokyo on fire but like, really??
Ah, nope, now their plan is simply to wait out the radioactive fallout (WTF) and then build the Garanda Empire over it. … So now, extrapolating logically, we have an AU wherein the last remnants of Spain (who were previously wiped out by the Inca) are going to try nuking everything and probably turn the world into Fallout/Mad Max. Show, what the hell.
Anyway, insane plans aside, YO AMAZON HOW ARE YOU GONNA CATCH ONTO THIS AND PREVENT THE WEIRDEST MAD MAX AU OF ALL? … Who knows, because right now we’re joining Masahiko’s sister where – OKAY WHY IS A LIZARD SLEEPING IN MASAHIKO’S BED, WHAT????
there are no answers there is only a salamander beastman, now kicking them out of their own house this is our life now
Ah, but a last-minute save from Tachibana, who is still valiantly trying to fill Mole’s shoes! He is still not living up to those standards, and possibly never will, but oh well. FWOOSH, AWAY IN THE SENSIBLE SEDAN… OF JUSTICE
Sadly, it cannot compete with the new Utility Trucks of Evil.
It has literally taken them until the second-to-last episode to find a mode of transportation that doesn’t just make me giggle/burst out laughing, and it’s still not even all that threatening. But y’know, two of ‘em pin in the poor Sensible Sedan pretty well, so, TIME FOR AN AMAZON RESCUE
NOW WITH 300% MORE STRAIGHT UP MURDERING FRINGE-LUCHADORS, WOW. Bye, minions. You possibly had names and lives, but not anymore. Well, uh, shall we be off to… somewhere, Amazon? Idk, Masahiko’s house is now Salamander Country so who knows where we’re going
INTO A FREAKING TRAP, THAT’S WHERE WE’RE GOING BECAUSE THIS WASN’T AMAZON AT ALL IT WAS SALAMANDER HE CAN SHAPESHIFT
… the fact that I did not at all question that Amazon would straight up murder non-monster mooks, and only thought it was weird that he was being a bit more terse than usual, says a lot, I think.
Anyway, Tachibana gets thrown out of the car, which is now being driven away by the salamander and a fringe-luchador. Because they want Masahiko and his sister, for some reason?
… Dude, if this is to fight Amazon, I think you could’ve just stabbed some folks in Tokyo and found him pretty quick without personally antagonizing him. Also, WHY NOT JUST SET OFF THE HELIUM BOMB, WHAT THE HECK WOULD HE EVEN DO ABOUT IT??
1) this one has that freaking bike, do you really think they made a replica 2) this one ALSO has the gigi armlet, which the other one didn’t 3) I can’t believe neither of us noticed that, tachibana 4) YOU SIR ARE NO MOLE
Er, ahem, so yeah, Amazon points out the second fact there, Tachibana realizes that he’s an idiot as usual, and thus Amazon is allowed to set off after his child-parent and his teenager(??)-parent. SAVE CHILD BIKE, AWAYYYY~
and then, meanwhile elsewhere, Cosplay Boss murders like four of his Fringe-Luchadors FOR NO GOOD REASON. Dude, how do you keep getting more of those? Are they all just clones of one guy, or something…??
so back over to our hero – OKAY UM AMAZON OPENED THE DOOR OF THE ABANDONED SENSIBLE SEDAN AND THE WHOLE THING JUST EXPLODeddddokay no never mind after the commercial break he’s just fine just digs himself out of some minor rubble, literally just brushes some dust off of himself and that’s it, exploding is a minor inconvenience to him starting to see why y’all thought just setting off the helium bomb before Amazon can do anything wouldn’t be enough, yeah
Aaaand then Amazon literally stepped on salamander in his lizard-form without even noticing until he’d already done it. Everyone is failing their Spot checks today and nothing is entirely sensible: KAMEN RIDER AMAZON’S PENULTIMATE EPISODE
So uh yeah, one minor scare later, iiiiit’s fight time! Well, it’s about a minute later than usual, so maybe… Ah, nope, it’s not going well, because Amazon isn’t transformed and, when he’s about to, Salamander threatens to kill Masahiko and Ritsuko if he does. … So either Amazon finally figured out that yes he does in fact henshin when he does the thing, or he’s very confused about why he can’t shout his name right now.
Either way, Tachibana’s trying to catch up with Amazon for some reason – AAAAND MANAGES TO KINDA SORTA SAVE MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO, WHAAAAAT. Well, I mean, it’s still mostly Amazon swinging on up there and knocking out the Fringe-Luchadors for realsies, but uh… he got a couple punches in, anyway??
Wow, thanks!
Actually, Salamander’s just being a jerk here: apparently he’s already poisoned Masahiko and Ritsuko, so now their bodies are becoming SALAMANDER BODIES. And also actually he wants Amazon to fight him, not run away, because he’s supposed to be murdering him, and all. BUT MEANWHILE, THAT HELIUM BOMB IS BEING SET UP, OH NOOOO
… and then in spite of Ritsuko giving a speech about how Amazon should focus on disarming the bomb, and Amazon agreeing… Amazon proceeds to just get into a fight with Salamander anyway, while Tachibana and crew go out after the bomb?? … Well, to be fair, I don’t know how you’d expect Amazon to disarm a quasi-nuclear bomb anyhow…
WELL AT LEAST NOW AMAZON CAN HENSHIN – WHOOPS BUT SO CAN SALAMANDER, DUN DUN DUNNNN! … aka: “we had an extra suit and a spare suit actor and we’re gonna use them, gdi”
1) TACHIBANA WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER WHICH ONE IS REAL, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CAN HELP ANYWAY 2) I THOUGHT Y’ALL WERE GONNA GO LOOK FOR THE BOMB, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE, LET AMAZON FIGHT HIMSELF IN PEACE, GO SAVE US ALL FROM THE FALLOUT AU
Man, and he doesn’t even fight himself for that long before Salamander goes back to being Salamander. Special mention to Amazon counter-kicking the kick attempt, though, that was Pretty Neat. Anywho, Salamander seems to be trying the same regeneration trick as Anemone did, so I guess we’ll just have to blunt-force-trauma him to death –
… Or, apparently, he can only do it once, and thus it isn’t an issue.
Him teleporting away might have been… if not for the fact he literally just teleported back to base to have Cosplay Boss kill him, marking our first time in a long while that an enemy has went “SCREW THIS NOISE I’M GONNA GO BACK HOME FOR A MERCIFUL DEATH.”
… pfff, baby. Amazon didn’t even bite you once, just ask Gedon about justified mercy-killings!
OH AND THEN IT TURNS OUT KILLING SALAMANDER MAKES THE POISON ALL BETTER SO THAT’S ALL SETTLED AFTER ALL, AHAHAHA. If only real life poisons were that easily dealt with…
And speaking of easily dealt with: Amazon has found the Garanda Safe House, hurray! Luckily it was just kind of… over here, in this hill. Okay, sure, why not. It’s only guarded by Fringe-Luchadors, regardless, so TIME TO STORM THE ENEMY BASE BASICALLY UNOPPOSED, I GUESS –
by which I mean amazon almost immediately falls into a trap, and we’re gonna have to wait until NEXT TIME to see how he escapes and foils the evil HELIUM BOMB. And by “next time” I mean “next paragraph”. ONWARDS, TO THE END!
Episode 24:
Today on Amazon: SCIENCE LUCHADORS
YUP JUST STICK THOSE COSTUMES INTO LAB COATS, A+ DECISION. Not even really being sarcastic, those look amazing. And hilarious. But mostly amazing. … Anyway, Amazon’s easily escaping the spike trap because GUYS HE HAS A GRAPPLING HOOK, so let’s see what Science is up to here!
… gfdi Cosplay Boss did you make your actual name be “Zero” just so you could feel really important and smug when you tell your men what to set zero-hour to on the bomb did you do this
Anyway yeah the bomb’s going to go off at 1PM today, so time to just PUT IT IN A REGULAR BOX WITH LITTLE PADDING AND CASUALLY HAVE TWO GUYS TAKE IT OVER TO TOKYO guys I am seriously so surprised y’all haven’t just nuked yourself, NUKE SAFETY, PLEASE (which, speaking of which, how far away is your secret bunker, anyway…???)
Well, I hope it’s really really far, just because Amazon’s having to go through a TON of traps here, so it’d be nice if 1PM is a long way away and it’ll take you guys forever to get to Tokyo IN YOUR SENSIBLE SEDAN OF EVIL AGAIN, GDI GUYS YOU HAD TRUCKS. … how do you all get to work every morning, anyway
NO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR A BOMB
GDI TACHIBANA DO YOU HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A FIVE YEAR OLD?? Like, I know finding one two-foot-long bomb in all of Tokyo would be difficult, but at least you know what Garanda tends to look like. They stand out. You could look for it that way, and stop them before they set it up. Y’KNOW. LIKEMOLE PROBABLY WOULD.
BUT NO HE’S GONNA GO AFTER AMAZON AND HE’S BRINGING THE KIDS WITH HIM. “you have to promise me you won’t go anywhere dangerous”, he says. Oh, you mean like the enemy base, Tachibana?! Wh. No. You’re grounded. Go home. You know. WHERE THE NUKE IS HEADING.
Oh hey, meanwhile Amazon’s gotten through all the traps! He’s found Cosplay Boss! There’s still no beastmen here at all, so this’ll probably be real quick! Pfff, Cosplay Boss, like you can yell at Amazon for killing “many of your cute(!!) underlings”, I swear you’ve killed far more than he has
… Okay, so, small problem. Cosplay Boss’s SPARKLER LANCE OF DEATH can’t kill Amazon, but it can STRAIGHT UP KNOCK HIM OUT OF HENSHIN. You know. That thing we usually need to really get our murder on. Um. Ummmm. … Sure would be nice if we had a plan right now, Amazon, little murderbuddy…
Well, getting Cosplay Boss to tell us where the bomb is, that’s a pretty good start! We have (really easily gained) info! Now we just need to be able to do something with it, and we’ll be good! Anyone got a fire extinguisher to use on that sparkler?
(side-note: this bunker is “one million meters” underground, and like, just, how) (no)
KNOCK KNOCK, BOMB DELIVERY
Hahaha actually the guy inside is also a fringe-luchador, but anyway, SURE WOULD BE NICE IF SOMEONE WAS OVER HERE AT LEAST TRYING TO STOP THEM, TACHIBANAAAAA
… … guys why the hell did you come here in a sedan, to set up a bomb that will destroy three islands, and only allow yourself ONE HOUR to get away from it?! Like?! omg nobody in Garanda knows anything about nuke safety, someone please save us from these morons
… Apparently an hour is enough time to get back to base in, which really makes me question how radiation-proof that bunker is. BECAUSE YOU CANNOT MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT IT’S REALLY “ONE MILLION” METERS UNDERGROUND, GUYS. YOUR MOOKS CAN’T EVEN NOTICE THAT TACHIBANA’S HIDING BEHIND A TWO-FOOT-HIGH WALL, HERE, NOT EVEN WHEN THEY LITERALLY HAVE TO BE STEPPING RIGHT OVER HIM.
And so Tachibana manages to knock out a mook and steal their costume, because EVERYONE is failing their spot checks today. Lord help us all.
Oh, huh, turns out there are off-switches for all those traps, that’s how the mooks get in. Fair… enough?? WELP TIME TO INFILTRATE, THIS TIME WITH 300% MORE STEALTH (disclaimer: tachibana is not actually any good at stealth, help us all)
Okay, guys, why do you even want the Gigi armlet? I thought way back when you said “screw the armlets we don’t need them”? And now suddenly you want it? Pfff, okay, be tsun about it why don’t you…
ALSO: TURNS OUT BRINGING THE GAGA ARMLET IN BEFORE YOU’D GOTTEN THE GIGI ARMLET OFF WAS A BAD IDEA: apparently, in spite of the armlets having been this close to each other before, when the Ten-Headed Demon was still a thing, this time the armlets do a MAGNETISM THING and the Gaga Armlet just speeds over to link with Amazon’s.
It looks utterly ridiculous, for the record.
Like, y’all tried and all, but… yeah, spoilers: it just hangs there like that for the entire fight. GUYS I KNOW YOU MADE THEM TO BE LINKABLE BUT DID YOU STOP TO CONSIDER WHETHER YOU SHOULD
Ah well, anyway, HEY REMEMBER ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT THE ARMLETS TOGETHER UNLOCKING UNBELIEVABLE INCAN POWER AND ALL THAT?? Because yeah that’s what they’re doing now. But for Amazon. Amazon is now literally invincible.
You just handed Amazon his power-up, Cosplay Boss. SPARKLERS MEAN NOTHING TO THE POWER OF A MAN WITH TWO ARMLETS ON ONE ARM!!
OKAY SO HEY TACHIBANA, YOU’RE IN HERE NOW, GO ACTUALLY TAKE APART THAT BOMB, PLEASE. Preferably without killing us all. … we’re doomed. We are so doomed. Ah well, away Tachibana goes IN THE SENSIBLE SEDAN OF EVIL JUSTICE, anyhow! While bringing the kids, because screw you tachibana why are you bringing the children omg do you want them to die??
Sooo uh, that just leaves a base full of mooks and a Cosplay Boss – who I think is now missing both arms, yup, okay, bye VERY HUMAN GUY’S ARMS. Amazon Does Not Care. … bro i stg if you say anything along the lines of “only a flesh wound”, I will be the one to punt you into the sun. I’ll do it. Don’t test me.
Oh wait never mind he’s dead now, fell into his own spike trap, ahahaha whoooops. … This show was cancelled for being considered too bloody and violent, you say? Gee, I wonder why!
WELLPPP GUESS IT’S TIME TO DISMANTLE A BOMB AND THEN WE’RE DONE?? Also we only have two minutes left. And Tachibana really does not actually know anything about bombs. … well it’s been a good life everybody, see y’all on the other side, goodbye three islands’ worth of japan
… And then, uh, this happened.
… … … *deep breath* No. I mean, yes, very murderable, but… No.
Okay so yeah I really don’t know what to say here, beyond “this is apparently Cosplay Boss’s Boss, fight scene ensues, and then this guy is actually just Cosplay Boss after all, i don’t even??” What, have all those conversations before just been an elaborate RUSE, I don’t…?!
He also claims to be immortal, but then Amazon cuts off his head and he doesn’t come back, so uh, yeah. Highlander rules, I guess. Does this make Amazon the Highlander? Discuss.
AAAAND WITH THAT WE JUST SUDDENLY CUT TO A BOAT, HEADED BACK TO THE AMAZONS, WITH AMAZON GETTING ON IT. WEARING AN ALL-WHITE DRESS SUIT. UM.UM.
Like, not that I’m complaining that Amazon’s going home, he’s probably going to live a very exciting life making sure every poacher in South America regret their decisions. And not that I’m complaining that Amazon’s wearing clothes, per se. But like. Apparently the gigi bracelet just got removed and now Amazon’s decided suits are his style and this is all very sudden, is what I’m getting at here
But uh, with Amazon riding off and Masahiko being sad but knowing that Amazon will come back to visit ~someday~, our season abruptly ends! Man, cancellation’s a jerk, innit…
So, that… was Amazon, and I guess now it’s time for final impressions! Let’s see here, overall… Yeah, okay, that was pretty much the best first foray into Showa that I was hoping for, no two ways about it. The plot overall was a bit all over the place and often repetitive, but for a kids’ show from the 70s and for a show that was facing some outside trouble for its violent nature, eventually getting cancelled… Honestly, I’m surprised it was as coherent as it was. The very end was a very rushed mess, but again: cancellation. I can forgive it. The characters definitely are the selling point for this season – sure, the fights have some cool ideas occasionally, and sometimes the choreography can be good when it’s not getting shot in the foot by the editing, but at least for me that wouldn’t have been enough to hold through. Everybody but Tachibana was so great here though, and even Tachibana was not terrible, just kinda useless. I was genuinely pretty mad when Mole died, even. They made me feel for the selfish monster who nine times out of ten was only concerned with his own survival, guys. What the hell. Of course, Amazon himself was the true star of the show – I was a little nervous going in about how well they’d portray the concept; ‘unlearned jungleman with little to no language skills’ is so easy to screw up. But I think considering the shaky ground they had to start with, they did absolutely brilliantly. The actor manages to portray it well, Amazon never comes off as stupid, just unexperienced and often instinctual; he shows himself to actually be quite clever long before he starts getting the hang of language skills. Which he picks up ridiculously quickly but, y’know, I’ll roll with it, not least because I ended up soproud of him. I think Amazon is the Rider who I’d say actually grew the most over his season, of what I’ve seen thus far, and that was just a precious thing to behold. Ya did good, murderchild, ya did good. ♥ So yeah! A good season! … gosh I typed too many words for 24 episodes, ahah, what is wrong with me…
As for what’s next, um, well…
Alright, this is something I’ve been thinking a lot about, and it’s been a difficult decision to make, but here’s the deal: I’m starting to get more than a little burned out. (Which, quite frankly, if you have to choose a time to burn out, I suppose “after recapping 90% of Heisei” is a good enough time to choose.) Amazon has been great fun, but there was a period of like… a month and a half where I just didn’t have the energy to write anything. Quite frankly? I need a break. But, let me clarify: I’m going to continue recapping the ongoing seasons for the foreseeable future; Ghost recaps will continue, and probably everything after it, in the usual Saturday slot. I was just already iffy on recapping Showa, and this burnout isn’t helping, so for now… I have no plans on continuing those. The two eps of Stronger I’ve seen thus far are fun, but man, a full season of trying to recap Showa ludicrousness? I just don’t have the energy. (I haven’t forgotten about the mini-recaps on Decade, though – as soon as I can find the time and work up the energy to tackle that season again, I’ll try to get to those.) Please accept my sincerest apologies on this, as well as my very deepest, very most heartfelt thanks for sticking with me this long. It’s been an amazing, long, wild ride with you all, and even if I’ve gotten a bit tired near the end, I wouldn’t change a second of it. Thank you all.
OKAY. SECOND-TO-LAST AMAZON RECAP. LET’S DO THIS. _____________________________________________
OVERALL: In which Amazon should really be trusted on the subject of monsters-in-disguise, ‘FROZEN’ IS NOT A PROPER MEAL STATE, this world is revealed to be actually be a weird Civilization AU, and Tachibana tries really hard to fill the shoes left by our good friend Mole.
He fails. Miserably. _____________________________________________
Incan Science MURDERS SPAIN; let’s take a bite out of demon-crime! Or two. Or three. Or…
Episode 21:
… okay sure
Hey guys, I’m back from rioting over Mole’s death, so what are we coming back to now? … Apparently, something’s gonna try to eat Amazon. After… freezing him. … OKAY, SURE (also, can it really be called a ‘cannibal’ if, presumably, it is not a human at all?) (IT’S THE CRABS ALL OVER AGAIN)
Anyway, we properly open with a couple of security guards being baffled at hearing ocean sounds at this random skyscraper. Investigating further, the sounds turn out to be… blood dripping from a sea anemone monster, dun dun dunnnn
So of course the security guards get attacked, with the sea anemone monster SWITCHING ITS BLOOD WITH THEIRS, CAUSING THEM TO GROW SEA ANEMONES ON THEIR CHESTS AND THEN THEY CAN ATTACK OTHERS AND SPREAD THE SEA ANEMONES. SO WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS SEA ANEMONE ZOMBIES. OKAY, SURE
define ‘succeeding’
Because yeah he sure is making them but what’s the point, AKA: how does this end in Tokyo on fire? … Hmm, results unclear, but Cosplay Boss must’ve only been on a fifteen-minute break from his real job, as he barely listens to Anemone’s “YEAH IT’S WORKING” before he teleports off. Oh well. I’m sure we’ll see the fire come in at somepoint.
For now: we finally check in with our protagonists! Amazon’s gotten real good at riding the Save Child bike, awww, I’m so proud of him <3
But he’s not gonna be riding it for too long today, because Masahiko’s here with a New Friend to invite him out to an aquarium and I’m sure this will just be utterly adorable – UH. HEY. WAIT. GUYS. THIS KID’S DAD IS CLEARLY ONE OF THE ANEZOMBIES.
LOOK, AMAZON CAN SMELL IT AND EVERYTHING! Guys, please listen to the monster-hunter when he says this guy is actually a monster? Please? He knows what he’s about? … No?
Okay fine y’all deserve to get eaten if you’re not even gonna blink an eye when Mr. AnemoneDad here just does not even care that his kid’s run off in a huff ‘cause he was mad at Amazon, just says “nah he’ll totally meet us at the aquarium (that we have to take a car to)”. Like, no, that is not Normal Dad Behavior. Or at least it shouldn’t be.
Also, in other news, Masahiko is clearly wearing a dress today. I’m sure that’s supposed to be a tunic, but no, it is a fringed dress top. A little more floof and it’d be a freaking tutu, for crying out loud. … And he’s rocking it, for the record
OH HEY LOOK HE JUST LED YOU OUT TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND NOW HE’S A MONSTER, WHO COULD HAVE CALLED IT (amazon) (amazon called it) (y’all are morons today)
YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SAVED
Especially when you two just stop amazon from chasing after the monster for no reason. Seriously, he hadn’t gotten away yet, Amazon coulda caught him! And, uh, I dunno, then he probably woulda murdered him and then that other kid would be an orphan. … okay fine stopping him was the correct action here
Besides, now Anemone’s here and… uh… they’re both just kinda flying sideways into a new locale, now? Okay? Whatever you want, editing…
Or uh, not so new a locale, just like five further feet away from Masahiko and his sister, I guess. Sure. Why not. Anywho, a fight scene commences, and does not go well because 1) we’re only ten minutes in 2) anemone regenerates limbs, the cheater 3) anemone gets bored, turns into a tiny anemone, and then flies off into the sky. I guess his planet needed him.
So uh yeaaaah, moving on, oh joy Mr. AnemoneDad’s found his son! Surely nothing bad will happen now OH WHOOPS HE’S TRYING TO EAT YOU, SORRY CHILD, SHOULDA LISTENED TO AMAZON, SHOULDA LISTENED TO MASAHIKO AND HIS SISTER WHO ALSO TRIED TO WARN YOU
nobody deserves to be rescued today nobody
Okay admittedly the kid doesn’t realize he was about to be eaten, but it’s pretty hard to be sympathetic when even I can tell he’s a pretty terrible actor. XD When I can tell even through a language barrier, that has to be pretty bad…
Anywho, turns out Amazon was CONVENIENTLY STANDING ON A TRAP DOOR HERE (WHY WAS THAT HERE, WHY IS THAT A FEATURE OF THIS AQUARIUM), aaaand now he’s had a freeze chamber dropped on him (where did that come from?!). Uh. Welp.
Yeah, uh, can’t fault Anemone’s logic here, Amazon is clearly some kind of froglizardbug and also from the Amazonthusclearly weak to cold. … And thus we freeze an Amazon toy into an icecube. NO, I’M NOT KIDDING.
Also, meanwhile: at least 1200 people have died and/or become anezombies thanks for that specific number, show,that’s not a little terrifying at all, it can’t have been more than like an hour
SMALL CHILD STOP TRYING TO CALL OUT TO YOUR FATHER STOP TRYING TO DEFEND YOUR FATHER THE SEA ANEMONE IS CLEARLY VISIBLE ON HIS CHEST HE IS GOING TO EAT YOU YOU ARE GOING TO BE DEAD AND/OR AN ORPHAN AND I HAVE LITTLE SYMPATHY, CHILD
Aaaand speaking of being eaten, Anemone has placed the Amazon-cube on a dining table, pulled out a giant knife and fork, and is now cutting into the cube. He plans. On eating Amazon. Like this. I. … ANEMONE, WHY
Anywho that doesn’t go well because 1) masahiko is in trouble with only a tachibana to protect him (and you sir are no mole), so amazon must Save Child 2) IT WAS ALL A TRICK, AMAZON JUST WANTED THEM TO BRING HIM INTO THEIR FORTRESS 3) yeah apparently he’s just immune to ice after all and coulda broken out anytime, sure, why not
and then suddenly we were outside
YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL DYING RIGHT NOW AMAZON but sure we can gamble on you murdering the regenerating anemone before they actually get eaten, sure, WHY NOT.
… Also, at least Garanda’s switched out their stationwagon for a jeep now. That’s… still pretty ridiculous, actually, BUT IT’S BETTER, OKAY
DID I SAY REGENERATING BECAUSE APPARENTLY AFTER PUTTING the paper cutout of himself HIMSELF BACK TOGETHER ONCEAND GETTING KICKED IN THE TORSO, HE’S DECIDED HE CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE AND JUST DIES FOR REAL THIS TIME. … Well, that gamble paid off! And now a kid isn’t orphaned! Yaaaay!
(whatever happened to that other orphan girl we had waaaay back?) (I still think about that, yes)
And so, with another batch of converts to the One True Religion of Amazon, our episode ends with said Amazon riding off into the distance, while our Narrator once again hypes up our FINAL BATTLE WITH THE COSPLAY BOSS, IT’S GONNA HAPPEN GUYS
well, i’d sure hope so i mean we only have three episodes left
Episode 22:
Oh good, looks like we’re back to our normal Garanda plans.
Phew, I was starting to get a bit worried, what with the last plan not involving Tokyo being on fire at all! Anyway, amusing titlecards aside, we properly open today with a hunter (!!) trying to shoot down a Momonga Beastman. It goes about as well as you’d expect. (seriously though bro why’d you think you could shoot that, what do you have a permit for, because it’s probably not that.)
In other news, Momonga Beastman has a “murderous gas’ that “melts the bodies of humans (it has a burning effect)”. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FLYING SQUIRRELS ARE KNOWN FOR, RIGHT?? then again it also freaking makes PLANE NOISES when it glides/flies so who the hell even knows
Anywho Momonga has a job today, and that job is not murdering random hunters, no! It is murdering… AN ENTIRE TOWN, USING INCAN POISON, DUN DUN DUNNN! Well, good to know “Inca” is still a thing too. We kinda forgot all about that element for a while, there.
That was just a test portion of the poison gas, though, so now away to the airport to watch the arrival of the rest –
AAAAND OBVIOUS PLOT SETUP IS OBVIOUS
But really, Garanda Man, it’s kinda your own fault for letting yourself get completely bowled over by a six year old. I don’t care if it’s a six-year-old who knows Masahiko, because of course she does Masahiko knows everybody!
(Masahiko’s still rocking the fringe-dress, by the by. You do you, Masahiko.)
And Amazon’s here, because of course Masahiko rarely goes anywhere without his Giant Murder Son. Amazon recognizes the doll! He heard they might have a curse, but I’m sure that’s nothing important, unlike those OBVIOUS FRINGE-LUCHADORS OVER THERE. AMAZON, AWAYYYY!!
guys no smoke machines are not an escape method when they’re attached to your car the only reason Amazon isn’t just following the smoke cloud is because you also threw bike-luchadors at him the smoke was pointless
Anywho, bike-murdering commences, but meanwhile we go over to Cosplay Boss for the revelation that, using the poison in this doll, the Incas MURDERED ALL SPANISH INVADERS. All of them. Annihilated. UM.
UM. I MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST AT HISTORY, BUT I’M STILL PRETTY DARN SURE THAT NEVER HAPPENED, GUYS.Guys, are you sure you didn’t mix up your history textbooks with a copy of Civilization?
So uh, weird AU where Spain no longer currently exists, confirmed, I guess! … omg maybe that’s what’s up with Cosplay Boss, he’s not cosplaying, he’s representing like the last fragments of spain, he’s trying to conquer the world and return Spain to its TRUE GLORY
Well, regardless of SUDDENLY AUs, of COURSE this doll got swapped with literally the only other one in the world what kind of coincidence is that, and this one DOESN’T have poison, so Cosplay Boss shatters it and has this man murdered in rage. Well, so much for priceless artefacts…
PRO-TIP: NO PLAYING WITH DOLLS WHILE YOU’RE THERE
But don’t worry about Momonga over here. He may have been stalking Amazon and thus heard all that, BUT DO YOU THINK AMAZON CAN’T SPOT A BEAST STALKING HIM? HE GREW UP IN THE RAINFOREST ALL ALONE, FOOLamazon’s backstory is super depressing, someone hug him
OH GDI GUYS WHAT THE HELL YOU GAVE THE POISON DOLL TO YOUR DAUGHTER? I mean yeah you don’t know it’s poison but like you had to know there’s only TWO of those in the whole world, right? Why would you give something that valuable to a six-year-old?! … All her other dolls look kinda horrifying though so I guess this one is an improvement
Anywho it’s FIGHT TIME WITH MOMONGA and – wow, okay, do not underestimate Amazon’s observation skills, threaten children, and try to steal an artefact of his(?) culture. HE WILL MANAGE TO TRANSFORM OFF-SCREEN AT YOU, “ONLY 12 MINUTES IN” BE HANGED
I mean Momonga still manages to flee, but dang, that fight was NOT going his way at all, unlike the usual midway fight. You done screwed up, Momonga. (Also, bonus points for Momonga asking Amazon to stop choking him, which he does… only to promptly punch Momonga in the face instead. XD)
Welp, we still don’t know what’s up with the doll, but at least now we know Garanda’s after it, so let’s just take that away from the six-year-old, shall we –
OR WE CAN JUST LET HER KEEP IT, BECAUSE SHE WANTS IT, THUS PUTTING THE FAMILY AT RISK, SURE. SURE. We are all terrible at making decisions today, the world will die in incan poisons and we only have ourselves to blame
TACHIBANANO
OKAY SO THAT WOULD BE TACHIBANA, NOT FIVE SECONDS AFTER HE WAS TOLD TO BE THE INSIDE GUARD, GOING OUT TO PICK UP A PACKAGE DELIVERY, LEAVING THE DOOR WIDE OPEN BEHIND HIM.
Also the package is totally a bomb and if not for Amazon interrupting we’d all be SUPER DEAD RIGHT NOW but y’know. Point is: Tachibana has failed on every level, you sir are no mole
AND THEN AMAZON TOOK THE BOMB AND GAVE IT BACK TO SOME BIKE-LUCHADORS, CLEARLY MURDERING THEM. … I can’t even be mad, Amazon has little concept of morality and besides, they obviously set that timer to be way too long. Their own fault, really.
… guys no, there is no way you planned for Amazon to discover the bomb and bring it back to you, I don’t care if the too-long timer is evidence that you did, THAT’S A STUPID PLAN. THROWING A ROPE NET OVER AMAZON IS ALSO A STUPID PLAN.
You realize he’s super strong and lately he’s been on a slicing-things kick, right? You realize the only reason he’s not breaking out RIGHT NOW is because he’s hoping you’ll tell him things and/or stupidly bring him to your base, right? PLEASE. USE YOUR BRAINS.
HAHA YUP AND NOW THAT YOU’VE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING IT’S TIME FOR HIM TO EASILY BREAK FREE. … Not quite in time to stop you from dropping more bombs, but luckily your aim is TERRIBLE so you haven’t hit the house with the poison gas doll in it AT ALL. Dude, come on.
cool and now all your bombs are gone and Amazon’s caught up with you and yanked you out of the sky with Condora, GOOD JOB, A+, COSPLAY BOSS CHOSE YOU WELL, CLEARLY
TODAY ON AMAZON: EVERYONE KINDA DESERVES DEATH
Masahiko do not just CASUALLY PICK UP THE THING THAT FELL OUT OF THE DOLL THAT GARANDA IS AFTER, OMG we are all going to die
… And then Tachibana promptly takes it and tries to toss it into a fire. … You know. The thing that Momonga was trying to blow up to activate. Now. Next to a fire. … we are all going to die and it’s Tachibana’s fault
ALSO AMAZON WAS YELLING AT YOU NOT TO AND IS NOW YELLING AT YOU TO RUN AND IT STILL TAKES YOU A GOOD THIRTY SECONDS TO ACTUALLY DO SO LIKE?? why is everyone trying so hard to get killed today, omg
Anywho, Momonga does not actually last long after that, getting himself (badly-edited) Amazon Kick’d and then exploding. Man, been a while since we had a monster do that! NOW, TIME TO ACTUALLY SAVE EVERYONE, OMG GET THAT AWAY FROM THAT FIRE, WHAT DO WE EVEN DO WITH THIS
… Bury it underground, eh? Well, okay, I guess short of throwing it into space, that’d be our best option, yeah. Still feel like it could crack open and leak into something but EHHHH whatcha gonna do, we’re an idiot and a child and a MURDERCHILD, this is the best we got
And so, with a small child getting to keep her doll after all, and Cosplay Boss’s Boss telling him it’s time to take care of Amazon personally (IT’S TOTALLY GONNA HAPPEN GUYS) (it had better omg), another episode ends! Just two more left to go…
And I really, really don’t know how to feel about that.
… By this time next week, Amazon will be complete. I really don’t know how to feel about that… Unlike this heat we’ve been having this month. SCREW ALL OF THAT. GO AWAY. I WANNA BE ABLE TO SLEEP IN COMFORT. HMPH. Anyway, what have we got today? _____________________________________________
OVERALL:RIOT.
THAT IS ALL. _____________________________________________
RIOT RIOT RIOT; let’s take a bite out of demon-crime! Or two. Or three. Or…
Episode 19:
GUYS, NO
1) WHY HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON FROM THE FIRSTTIME YOU TRIED INVOLVING CHILDREN 2) Oh my gosh, you guys, I swear by all that is good, if this plan also involves setting Tokyo on fire, I am going to throw you all into the sun.
So uh yeah we open with a bunch of kids, wearing googly eyes omg why have you done this, who are all uh… digging? … Please tell me you’re not digging for lava again. Please.
Aaaand Amazon’s just kinda wandering around in the dead of night over here, I guess because he hasn’t got anything better to do i still have no clue where, or if, he sleeps. He spots the kids, but OH NO HE CAN’T FIGHT KIDS, WHAT DO???
SHOUT UNTIL THEY ALL REMEMBER THEY HAVE A MEETING TO BE AT, OF COURSE! Said meeting involves a giant owlbear explaining what they’re all doing: trying to flood the subway systems, in order to sink Tokyo underground. Using child labor. For reasons.
… well, at least it’s not fire.
OH AND ALSO, IN OTHER NEWS, THE CHILDREN CAN’T SEE WITHOUT THEIR GOOGLY EYES. WHY? WHO KNOWS, BUT IT’S KIND OF ODDLY HORRIFYING ANYWAY
WHAT IS WRONG WITH Y’ALL
SERIOUSLY DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM GEDON? FROM THE BEES? DON’T FREAKING MESS WITH CHILDREN, AMAZON WILL EXTRA WRECK YOU. No wonder you keep getting trounced, your boss is a cosplaying office worker and your plans all involve either children or setting tokyo on fire
Admittedly, there is the small problem here that Amazon doesn’t want to harm children, but I really feel like he shouldn’t have any problem just… y’know… gently shoving past them and killing the owlbear source of the issue.
MEANWHILE: mole is watching some kids learn to draw. Now he wants to draw. Awwww. … BUT THEN SUDDENLY GARANDA KIDNAPPING, OH NOOOOO
Which, uh. Apparently, hypnotizing a bunch of kids is as easy as dropping feathers on them and then yelling “CHILDREN, HYPNOTIZE” while waving your arms around! (With the minor downside of said children being blinded until ya put googly eyes on them, but still.) Who knew?!
OH SNAP AND MASAHIKO WAS ONE OF THE KIDS KIDNAPPED?!?! Well, at least Mole managed to rescue the teacher. And is informing Amazon of the problem immediately. And is generally still the most useful side-character. I love you, mole~ <3
but seriously garanda y’all done screwed up now, y’all are dead, owlbear just go home and accept a quick death now, avoid the oncoming torture
… torture, as soon as amazon accidents his way into henshining, I mean.
19 episodes in and I still see no reason to revise my theory that he just shouts his own name when he’s angry and lucks his way into that transformation without ever realizing what he’s doing, just saying.
Anywho yeah it’s only been 10 minutes so of course this isn’t going our way yet, boooo. And Owlbear’s cheating with those BLINDING FEATHERS, besides. A LACK OF EYESIGHT WILL NOT SAVE YOU FOREVER, OWLBEAAAAR
Huh, so looks like the kids aren’t really hypnotized until the googly eyes are put on, uh, good to know, I guess? Point is, Masahiko’s trying real hard to preach the Good Word of Amazon to all these kids in this Garanda jail cell :V BELIEVE IN THE AMAZON AND YE SHALL BE SAVED
Haha, see! Not three minutes later and Amazon’s already restored his own eyesight, with AMAZON MEDICINE! you better be spending your time wisely, owlbear, because YOUR MINUTES ARE NUMBERED
Especially ‘cause the kids are being kept underground, and you know what we got? AN EXPERT IN UNDERGROUND RECONNAISSANCE. HECK YES MOLE TO THE RESCUE, love you buddyyyy <3
MOLE FOR MVP 1974
Oh wow, not only has he already located the children, he’s figured out the enemy operation while he was at it! Seriously, most useful sidekick, Tachibana you are being outshone by a freaking mole, etc etc
… Er, uh, well, he wasn’t fast enough that we could stop them from flooding one subway tunnel. So that’s like, maybe a hundred people dead, and untold amounts of property/economic damage, right there. … BUT WE’LL STOP THEM FROM DOING ANY MORE, RIGHT?
Meanwhile: Cosplay Boss has another meeting with his mystery boss, gets premature congratulations on his plan’s success, yet again confirming that Boss Boss is a total softie
Anyway back to Owlbear’s operations and WHOOPS INTERRUPTING AMAZON INTERRUPTS! TRANSFORMED THIS TIME! OWLBEAR, JUST GIVE UP, JUST GO HOME AND ACCEPT YOUR QUICK DEMISE, THIS IS YOUR ONE CHANCE
seriously, you’d better take it while amazon’s busy unburying these poor children you just used as a stalling tactic you’d better
OH DID I SAY AMAZON WAS BUSY? BECAUSE NOW HE’S NOT BECAUSEMOLE IS MVP 1974, HECK YESSSSS
OKAY NO I CALL SHENANIGANS
I know it’s a little unclear, but what’s going on there is that the owlbear shot off his own arm like a rocket, attacking Amazon’s face and blinding his eyes through the suit. What.
I mean, not that this stops Amazon from slicing off the owlbear’s head, BECAUSE THE GIGI ARMLET HAS ANOTHER DEUS EX MACHINA, IN THE FORM OF ‘CHANNELING HIS BRAVERY’ TO SPONTANEOUSLY HEAL HIS EYESIGHT.
And not that this was more ‘wtf’ than frog beastman and his two heads, but SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT. WHAT WAS ANY OF THAT. … Ah, right, Kamen Rider Amazon, that’s what that was…
And so we end with all the children getting freed, and Amazon praising Mole for being such a good friend, which means Mole is happy even if he has to leave before the kids get there, ‘cause otherwise he’ll scare them. <3 AWWWW MOLE, THISSWEETHEART, I LOVE HIIIIM~
… preview what do you mean mole’s in trouble next time no don’t you dare don’t you dare do this to me, 1970s children’s television!!
Episode 20: SCREW YOU AMAZON:
*SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* mole safe or riot
I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND HERE, AMAZON. DON’T YOU FREAKING DARE DO THIS TO ME. YOU ARE A SHOW MEANT FOR CHILDREN. DO NOT! … I say, as if Kamen Rider Amazon has ever cared that it is a show for children.
Anyway, we open today with a bus full of pig farmers (???) getting eaten alive by a bunch of green iron filings getting pulled around by a magnet GARANDA MOLD, DUN DUN DUN. … okay but why tho, garanda
Aaaand a small child has seen it. Welp, looks like it’s time for Garanda to ONCE AGAIN fail to capture a seven-year-old – THIS TIME BECAUSE MOLE IS SAVING HER! M-Mole is so good and pure, why this, show
NO AMAZON MOLE IS NOT BULLYING THE CHILD ;A; HE JUST SAVED HER, SHE IS CRYING BECAUSE SHE IS SILLY AND THINKS HE’S A MONSTER. Which, uh, he is, but… look, trust the Friend to All Children here, small child! Mole is not a monster! Mole is friend-shaped!
Anywho yeah the garanda fringe-luchadors try to go back and tell their boss they succeeded, but Cosplay Boss has already heard of the shameful failure to capture a seven-year-old so there goes another 5 minions. How do they keep having any more, I wonder?
SHOW WTF
DON’T USE THE MOLD ON A FAMILY WITH A BABY NEXT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, NO WONDER YOU GOT FREAKING CANCELLED. I don’t care if the baby’s somehow miraculously survived, its parents just melted on top of it, and that’s still horrifying
Oh, also, in other news, our enemy today is a “mushroom” beastman, and mostly it looks like the world’s grodiest muppet. I really don’t know how to feel about this, but I burst out laughing every time he’s on screen, anyway.
Aaaand meanwhile, Masahiko’s dressed like a bee. I’m not entirely certain, but this stripes-and-plaid outfit he’s got going on might be his best one yet, though. Regardless, time to go check on that baby! Amazon and Mole, because Mole is insistent on being involved today! … mole no mole stop
guys i have a proposal for you mole safe or we riot
OH COOL THE MOLDMUPPET’S BACK FOR THE BABY, GREAT, WONDERFUL. At least Amazon’s already here! GET OUT, MOLDMUPPET, GET OUT
MOLDMUPPET I DID NOT INTEND FOR YOU TO TAKE THE BABY WITH YOU, JUST BTW FYI. Now please put the baby doll down and back away and nobody needs to die today. … well okay cosplay boss will kill you but it will be a more merciful death
Aaaaand then Amazon easily steals the baby back not two seconds later. … Moldmuppet, seriously, just go home okay, just go home –
UHHH AND I GUESS THEN HE DID BECAUSE WE SERIOUSLY CUT FROM HIM GOING “OH NO THE BABY” RIGHT TO INSIDE THE HOSPITAL WITH DOCS CHECKING OUT THE BABY LATER. Okay, sure. Editing, what is editing…
okay yeah that’s pretty terrible and all but hear me out here mole safe or riot.
At least from this latest murderspree (I guess Moldmuppet thought that murders would make cosplay boss happy? worth a shot I guess) our protagonists have learned that MOLD is the cause of melting! They didn’t know before because even the mold melts away, you see. Which makes me wonder how they knew people had died and not just vanished but I guess I don’t need to know that, ew
MOLE NO ;A; I MEAN YES YOU CAN GO INVADE GARANDA’S BASE WITH YOUR UNDERGROUND EXPERTISE AND BE A USEFUL HERO AND ALL BUT NO DO NOT DO ANYTHING TODAY, DID YOU NOT SEE THE TITLE CARD
… *sniffle* and amazon tries to get him to stay but NO HE CAN AT LEAST DO THIS and everyone is so supportive of their mole and this is so good and pure, help
MOLDMUPPET DON’T YOU DARE, DON’T YOU FREAKING DARE, omg mole you’ve seriously been out five seconds and already you’re caught, gdi shoulda let Amazon go
Well, at least Mole has TACTICS! Tactics like, pretend to join the enemy side! Haha see it works because Mole has almost always been Survival First, it’s believable, we’ve still got this we totally don’t got thisMOLE SAFE OR RIOT
Yeaaaah we’ve got a moldball! All contained and safe! This is great, gonna take this to Amazon and the doctors and they can inspect it and yeaaah moldmuppet is an idiot and –
R I O T
NO SCREW YOU MOLDMUPPET YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CATCH ON AND STALK MOLE, NO, SCREW YOU, GO DIE IN THE FIRE Y’ALL LOVE SO MUCH GUYS WE NEED AN ANTIDOTE, RIGHT NOW
NO SHUT UP EVERYBODY, ANTIDOTE, NOW. Yes, like that! Hurry hurry hurry! Science faster! SAVE THE PRECIOUS GOOD MOLE OR I WILL THROW YOU ALL INTO THE SUN
YES YES ANTIDOTE ACHIEVED NOW GIVE IT TO MOLE – mole why are you refusing the antidote no don’t you freaking dare say it’s too late we can at least try, you garbage monster ;A;
but no because there is nothing good in the world and mole is dead and everyone is crying especially the children and amazon can’t even decide which chain link fence to cling to in despair … screw everything I’m going home
REVENGE and also RIOT
okay I’m back because I realized I want to see this muppet die, and also I was already home so I didn’t really have anywhere to go. Anyway yeah HAHA NO YOU CAN’T MELT AMAZON, AMAZON IS INVINCIBLE, BECAUSE MOLE WAS THE BEST GDI. … moooole ;A;
also it turns out the mold is weak against the common cold. … So it’s actually War of the Worlds aliens. Okay then. Mole didn’t need to die for this, screw everything.
BUT ESPECIALLY YOU, MUPPET. YEAH YOU’D BETTER BE GETTING WRECKED, YOU’D BETTER GET FREAKING FILLETED YOU BASTARD, AMAZON IS SHRIEKING HIS RAGE OVER MOLE WITH MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION MARKS AND EVERYTHING –
oh huh yup there he goes, that head got super gory. You know, relatively speaking. … Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go riot.
- dawn of the ninth recap - THREE RECAPS REMAINING _____________________________________________
OVERALL: In which Cosplay Boss just really, really hates Tokyo for some reason. I guess he’s more of a country guy than a city guy, maybe? Regardless, this sure is a thing our villains are doing. For reasons. Probably. _____________________________________________
Stop Setting Tokyo on Fire; let’s take a bite out of demon-crime! Or two. Or three. Or…
Episode 17:
Which he keeps in organized binders, because of course.
JUST SAYING I’m pretty sure those are all printed on company paper, he’s gonna get such a write-up for wasting company resources when somebody notices :V … Anyway yeah, Cosplay Boss is in a bit of a pinch right now!
Because, remember, his boss gave him three days to take over the world. So of course his first action is to murder a bunch of underlings. THAT’LL HELP. … And then his second action is to double down on the ‘set tokyo on fire’ plan. … i’m starting to see why y’all are in trouble, here
ALSO: IN OTHER NEWS: OUR NEW MONSTER IS A FROGMAN WITH A FROG FOR A HEAD LIKE JUST A WHOLE FROG, WITH LITTLE LEGS AND ALL, SITTING WHERE HIS HEAD SHOULD BE OKAY THEN
Anyway for whatever reason the new Tokyo On Fire Plan involves setting off one volcano, digging a tunnel to Mt. Fuji for some reason,causing Mt. Fuji to erupt,and then digging ANOTHERtunnel under Tokyo. I. Um. Okay sure why not.
SO YEAH TIME TO JOIN A TOUR BUS GOING TO MT. FUJI TODAY, SURELY NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN OH WAIT HERE’S GARANDA, WHOOPS, TIME TO WORK IN THE LAVA MINES KIDDOS
and by kiddos I mean everybody except this one kid, because he ran off when the bus stopped for a leg-stretching break, and thus escaped the kidnapping. YO KID GO FIND AMAZON, YOU ARE A CHILD SO THIS SHOULD BE EASY :V
“why, no, I do not know where we might be, on account of I typically live above ground, which is why I was asking.”
Fringe Luchador, you really need to rethink your question-answering strategies. Anyway yeah time for these losers, and a bunch of other kidnapped people, to dig to lava! By hand! … so uh how long is this gonna take, y’all realize you’ve got three days right??
Oh, uh, everybody except this one lady who got MURDERED BY FROGMAN for some reason. Also this other guy doesn’t want to explode Mt. Fuji because he named his son after it (!!!), but gets roped into it when his son is vaguely threatened. Even though Frogman totally did not catch his son at all. But I guess he doesn’t know that, so fair enough.
AAAAND MEANWHILE, COINCIDENTALLY ENOUGH, MASAHIKO AND HIS SISTER HAVE FOUND THE ABANDONED TOUR BUS. I guess they were just biking up to Mt. Fuji themselves, today? I… guess? … well it’s not the weirdest coincidence I’ve ever seen, I suppose
Anywho, this of course lets them meet Lone Survivor Kid, which means Amazon is gonna be on his way! Lucky you, kid, you might not have to be an orphan! Unlike that one poor girl. Who we never saw again. Gosh, I hope she’s alright.
Oh nice, and Amazon’s already on the Save Child bike and everything! AWAY, TO RESCUE THAT KID’S DAD! And probably some other kids too, let’s be real here Garanda is not above child labor
OH COME ON WE LEFT YOU ALONE FOR FIVE SECONDS
And by “we” I mean “we, the audience,” because thanks, choppy editing. Anyway yeah, WHOOPS LOOKS LIKE GARANDA’S GOT THE KID AFTER ALL, SAVE CHILD BIKE WILL NOW BE SERVING ITS TRUE PURPOSE
Oh, cool, they must’ve only just grabbed the kid and Ritsuko, since Amazon catches up to them not two seconds later. AW YEAH GRAPPLE HOOKS AW YEAH NO KIDNAPPING FOR YOU AW YEAH YOU WANT SOME TOO, FROGMAN –
and then the frogman threw his head at amazon he has a smaller sorta-more-person-like head under the frog head i what
SO UH YEAH AFTER I JUST ABOUT DIED LAUGHING, Mole saves Amazon from this cunning strategy. Because Amazon is forgetting to henshin again, so uh, yeah. WELP. WE’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, HILARIOUS FROGMAN
Especially because whoooops while we were distracted by having a frog’s head thrown at us, Fuji Kid and Ritsuko got re-kidnapped! SAVE CHILD BIKE, AWAY, PART 2!
… Er, after Amazon gets patched up. Sorry, everyone, including the dude literally getting carted away in a wheelbarrow. I guess frogmen are just the natural enemies of frogbugs?
Also for some reason Frogman wants to send Fuji Kid’s dad to get more workers instead of oh I dunno the actual minions he has, but anyway – UH WOAH WOAH WOAH GUYS ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GONNA BREAK LOOSE THE LAVA, WHAT ABOUT –
yup there they go, all those workers dead, welp y’all are terrible at dwarf fortress, you know that
AAAAND NOW SOMEPLACE IS ON FIRE. I don’t think it’s Tokyo yet, but uh, fire is literally pouring out of like sinks and stuff, I don’t know how that works but THIS SURE IS HAPPENING and I have no clue how it helps them take over the earth, at all
You said it, radio newscaster
In other news, Mole is really really mad that his underground tunnels are all hot/possibly lava-filled, and Tachibana’s getting kidnapped, because Fuji Kid’s Dad is wearing Evil Eyeshadow now (??) and for some reason thought Tachibana would be useful (???)
MEANWHILE: amazon gets ideas on how to beat frogman from spinning tops this is happening, i don’t even know, okay
Regardless, SAVE CHILD BIKE TIME, PART TWO, FOR REALS THIS TIME! And Amazon’s transformed and everything! And Tachibana is… trying to be useful and kind of succeeding? I mean I’m pretty sure he just sent Ritsuko and Masahiko in the direction of Frogman but he’s trying –
AMAZON HOW DID YOU NOT PASS MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO ON YOUR WAY IN? HOW??? ugh whatever now they’re getting stopped by Frogman, just as I figured. How do these tunnels even work and why do we even need to make Mt. Fuji erupt
OHSNAAAAP BUT MOLE TO THE ACTUALLY USEFUL RESCUE, SUCCESSFULLY STALLING FROGMAN AND GIVING MASAHIKO AND RITSUKO A PRIVATE ESCAPE TUNNEL AND LEADING EVERYONE ELSE TO SAFETY <3 <3 you go mole, best side-character
Alright, and with that, all that’s left is to murder a frog! … After it throws its head at us again. brb laughing forever –
OKAY YOU CAN’T SEE IT BUT HE IS SPINNING LIKE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG HERE
Did I say laughing forever before? Because scratch that, now I am laughing forever and actually dying, Amazon I don’t think this was actually necessary, I think now that you’re actually transformed it’s fine, this is not helping my theory that you do not realize you transform buddy
Anyway yeah after that he slices apart a picture of Frogmanon a cel screen with a Big Slice and defeats him, yaaaaay victory for JUSTICE! And spinning. Or something. … That other town is still totally on fire and I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to stop it, by the by. JUST. JUST SAYING.
Also I’m pretty sure that all took more than just 3 days, but uh, Cosplay Boss’ boss actually doesn’t seem too fussed about it, SO I GUESS WE’RE FINE AFTER ALL? Jeez no wonder Cosplay Boss was so chill about that time limit, he knows his boss is all talk :V
AND SO WE PROPERLY END WITH EVERYONE LOOKING AT MT. FUJI AND BEING HAPPY WHILE SOMEWHERE OUT THERE A TOWN BURNS THANKS AMAZON
Episode 18:
okay so what are you doing and how will it set tokyo on fire THIS time, guys
Ah, we open today at a lighthouse! Unfortunately for it, Garanda’s setting up nearby, so it’s probably doomed. SORRY, LIGHTHOUSE
AND SORRY, NICE FAMILY THAT LIVES NEAR IT. You all look adorable, but you’re sadly doomed, as it turns out that device is some kind of EARTHQUAKE MACHINE. And now the lighthouse, and your house, are all broken. … Is it? Can it be? A plan that doesn’t involve setting Tokyo on fire?!
so, the little girl manages to escape and run for help, but unfortunately runs straight into Garanda – WHOOOO TOTALLY FAILS AT CAPTURING HER. GUYS. THIS GIRL CANNOT BE MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLD. YOU HAVE ALL JUST FAILED. AT CAPTURING. A TEN YEAR OLD.
PICTURED: A MUCH BIGGER COINCIDENCE THAN THE MT. FUJI THING
Admittedly, part of why they failed to grab her is because she jumped off a cliff (!) and coincidentally fell right in Amazon’s arms, but still. Amazon, what kind of lessons are you even teaching to children.
Anyway, Tiger Beetle Beastman heads on back to report his success to Cosplay Boss, and Cosplay Boss tells him to go use it on Tokyo immediately. Which, uh, I guess at least it isn’t fire this time, but… why do you hate Tokyo so much, man?!
TACHIBANA WHAT THE HELL, WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING THESE FOLKS’ STORY? I mean yes it is super weird that the earthquake was that localized but you could go and see the broken lighthouse for yourself, it freaking happened okay, AMAZON CONFIRMS HE SAW IT, stop being so rude right in front of these people, you are the worst
Yeah see and the little girl totally saw Garanda, it’s just another Weird Monster Plot, so shut up and maybe help everyone not die in the EARTHQUAKE THAT’S HAPPENING HERE NOW, OH NOOOOO
so uh yeah probably quite a few people actually died in that hospital just now, whoops. Especially because the building’s on fire. So even when their main plan isn’t fire, they’re still trying to set Tokyo on fire. Wonderful.
Well regardless, Amazon’s spotted Garanda this time, so AWAY, ON THE SAVE CHILD CITY BIKE! One day, perhaps, Garanda will realize that maybe they should start their take-over-the-world plans somewhere that isn’t here. Perhaps. Or maybe Cosplay Boss just hates Tokyo that much, I don’t even know.
Anyway, here’s wonderwall a monster trying to get a ride.
… It’s not quite Frogman-Head-Throwing level, but I’m still laughing really hard here, just for the record. THIS IS A STRATEGY HERETOFORE UNTRIED, POINTS FOR CREATIVITY, TIGER BEETLE
Hmm. Well, it’s stopped Amazon from going after the earthquake machine, but now you’re stuck here with him. Which will probably be alright for you considering we’re only halfway through the episode, but will it be pleasant?
ANSWER: NO, OF COURSE NOT, AMAZON BITES. Only when he’s not henshined, lately, though. Kinda weird. Well, anyway, Tiger Beetle cheats and throws a pincer-dagger at him before running off. LAME.
ALSO LAME: EARTHQUAKES. There goes a dam! And a schoolful of children! And I think Mt. Fuji erupted for real this time! (That one kid’s dad is gonna be SO mad.) AND POOR MOLE’S HOUSE IS ALL WRECKED!!
MURDER GARANDA, REVENGE FOR MOLE, MOLE’S HOUSE SAFE 1974 OR RIOT
okay yes also probably hundreds of thousands of people are dead and Amazon’s injured and there’s any amount of other things to murder Garanda for, but mole’s house, guys :(
AWWW AND NOW MOLE’S ALL ANGRY SO HE’S GONNA FIND THE DEVICE HIMSELF AND TELL AMAZON WHERE IT IS <3 BEST. SIDE. CHARACTER. go go action moooole~
OH SCREW YOU GARANDA
WHY DO YOU HAVE A RECORDING DEVICE JUST HANGING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS RANDOM FIELD, WHY THIS, SCREW ALL Y’ALL
Well, regardless, all it really means is that now Cosplay Boss is mad that Amazon’s on to their schemes, so now Tiger Beetle’s attacking Amazon directly, with a bunch of dudes! BUT AMAZON HAS HENSHINED THIS TIME, OH DEAR, rip fringe-luchadors
i mean it, rip, i’m pretty sure several spines were just broken and yet, tiger beetle jumps in here anyway RIP IN ADVANCE, TIGER BEETLE –
… And then they buried Amazon underground with the earthquake machine, by playing an explosion effect backwards. Um. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, at least they were smart enough to close up the hole and bury him properly, otherwise we might’ve had a use for Condora again!
HEY MOLE WOULD YOU CARE TO RESCUE AMAZON ‘CAUSE UH Y’KNOW HE’S BURIED UNDERGROUND AND NOW GARANDA’S GONNA MESS UP A BULLET TRAIN SO SOME HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED
oh uh nope, 1000 meters underground is too much for poor Mole. … Y’know what? Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to dig that far either, bro. Welp, guess we’re all doomed, sorry guys, we had a good run but it turns out earthquake machines are what kills us, RIP tokyo –
OH WAIT NEVER MIND THE GIGI ARMLET CAN JUST “CREATE A STRONG ACCELERATOR IN A MOMENT” THUS ALLOWING US TO PLAY THE EXPLOSION EFFECT FORWARDS AND SHOOT AMAZON BACK UP OUT OF THE GROUND THIS IS “KAMEN RIDER AMAZON’S ONE HIDDEN ABILITY” OKAY THEN
… This is never getting mentioned again, is it. Just like that Spin Kick he did last episode. Kamen Rider Amazon, everybody.
HAHA BET Y’ALL THOUGHT YOU BURED AMAZON TURNS OUT HIS ARMLET’S A DEUS EX MACHINA RIP FOR REALS THIS TIME, GUYS, CAN’T BEAT THAT
SCREW YOUR MACHINES WE HAVE BIKES
Yaaaay, the Save City Bike has done its job! And now all that’s left is the monster. … Don’t suppose you’d care to just go back home and get a swift death, instead of whatever Amazon’s about to inflict on you?
Nnnnope. And thus a bunch more spines get broken, and Tiger Beetle gets slashed, kicked, bitten (yaaay, he’s doing that while henshined again!), and ultimately, Big Slice’d to death. Today’s nightmare for the costuming department: orange foam!
HAHA YES SMALL EARTHQUAKE CHILD, HAIL AMAZON AS YOUR SAVIOR, JOIN THE AMAZON CULT, MASAHIKO COMMANDS IT! … I kid, I kid. Everyone’s happy, we’re ignoring that those people are now homeless and at least tens of thousands are probably dead, good times!
Also, Cosplay Boss’ Boss confirmed a Total Softy, tells Cosplay Boss not to worry about this latest failure, he’ll give him a BETTER BEASTMAN. Jeez, why’d you even bother giving him that three-day limit in the first place, then…? UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: THE KAMEN RIDER AMAZON STORY
And what are the odds this plan, too, will involve setting Tokyo on fire?
aaaaa there’s only 8 episodes left after this aaaaaa i’m not ready _____________________________________________
OVERALL: So, we’ve got a new villain group today, and they’re, uh… Well, they seem to be led by a cosplaying businessman, and they’re going to set Tokyo on fire. Yes,allof Tokyo. Even the water is not safe. Kamen Rider Amazon, man. _____________________________________________
Wearing White is a Mistake; let’s take a bite out of demon-crime! Or two. Or three. Or…
Episode 15:
NOTHING GOOD, KIDS. That also applies to your outfits, btw.
I said it before and I’ll say it again: no generation knows how to dress their children. They just think they do, until 20 or so years later we all realize that no, they didn’t. Anyway, in other news, the new Garanda Empire has learned nothing from Gedon, and their first action is going after children. MEET THE NEW EMPIRE, JUST AS STUPID AS THE OLD EMPIRE
They do have sensible sedans (painted yellow and black camo for some reason), though. THE PERFECT VEHICLE FOR ALL YOUR CHILD-STEALING NEEDS brb dying of laughter at these teleporting sedans
So, some poor random civilian-dude sees all this and runs to call the police, ONLY FOR A BEE MONSTER TO DO A RIDICULOUS SCREEN-WIPE ENVELOP HIM IN DARKNESS BEFORE IT KILLS HIM, LEAVING HIM A FLAMING PILE OF MUSH, DUN DUN DUNNNN. Bees, my god.
Oh, and they’re kidnapping these children to be part of the bee’s “hive”, which… which means dressing them up in all black, adding some silly makeup, and making them carry stingers around in their mouths. I. Okay, sure, Amazon, whatever you want.
PRESENTING OUR NEW VILLAIN: SOME DUDE!!
Haha but seriously he looks like some random businessman who just decided to cosplay as an evil mastermind one day, and now there’s this huge evil organization with actual monsters and stuff, and it’s all gotten out of hand but he doesn’t know how to stop it so he just tells them to take over the world using child soldiers.
Because that’s their plan today, btw. I like how they say “we won’t repeat Gedon’s mistakes,” and then their very first plan is repeating Gedon’s biggest mistake, with a dash of ‘lol who cares about amazon anyway’ for good measure. A+ villaining, guys.
Oh hey, finally time to see our heroes! Yup, there sure is a new bad guy. And y’all ain’t gonna like what they’re doing now, just saying – OH AND YOU’RE GONNA FIGURE IT OUT RIGHT AWAY, COOL. Well, at least the child-kidnapping part. Save Child Bike, awayyyy! After the Sensible Sedan of Evil! … wtf even is this show, can we go back to the Sporty Jeeps of Evil please
Probably not, because now is BEE TIME, OH NOOOO! bee bee soon you will learn the error of your ways be told :V
WELL THEN MAYBE YOUR FIRST PLAN SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ‘KIDNAP KIDS’
JUST SAYIN’, BRO. Anyway, Bee tries to keep Amazon from chasing down the child-kidnapping fringe-luchadors, but Mole trips him up, because Mole still exists and is still 20 times more useful than Tachibana. Thanks, buddy! <3
… Well, okay, Amazon just got distracted by trying to ask you about the new enemies, and then you proceeded to refuse to talk about them, but I’d still say you’re 20 times more useful. THANKS, BUDDY
WHY ARE YOU MAKING THE POOR CHILDREN HAVE TO TRY AND TALK AROUND THE STINGERS WHY also lies, they will not be happy at ‘bee school’, nobody will ever be happy at any school, I am pretty sure that is how those work
THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE THE STINGERS IN THEIR MOUTHS, THIS KID JUST USED HIS AS A HANDHELD DAGGER DURING COMBAT TRAINING WHY ARE YOU MAKING THEM CARRY THOSE IN THEIR MOUTHS, GUYS
Awwww and Mole continues to be most useful, warning Masahiko about the child-kidnapping bad guys <3 … I mean, that kind of has the opposite effect of making Masahiko decide to GO HELP AMAZON, but y’know, he tried??
WELL GEE MASAHIKO I WONDER WHETHER YOUR FRIEND, WHO IS SUDDENLY TALKING IN A MONOTONE AND WEARING WEIRD EYESHADOW OF EVIL, IS LEGIT PRO-TIP: HE IS NOT, THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA, STOP FOLLOWING HIM PLACES, YOU WILL BECOME A BEEand that’s terrible, just ask the hoppers
Welp, at least he left his sister a note, so now she’s run off to find Amazon and hopefully a rescue will be imminent. Hopefully. Maybe. GDI, Garanda, y’all are gonna die.
“DEFINITELY NOT BECOMING A BEE CHILD. HA. HA. HA.”
Haha but seriously guys he’s wearing the Eyeshadow of Evil, do not trust him even if he manages to not speak in a monotone. … Maybe that other kid just naturally speaks that way, hence why Masahiko saw nothing suspicious at all?
Anywho, Amazon has noticed the EVIL, thank goodness, but he’s going along with the trap anyway, ‘cause how else is he gonna find their evil base? AMAZON “FALLING INTO TRAPS IS A PLAN” RIDER, AWAYYYY
XD AMAZON WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT ROPE AND BIT OF CLOTH TO BIND & GAG EVIL-MASAHIKO WITH?? (It’s not his grapple-belt, he uses that five seconds later.) Ah, whatever. Guess that’s handled, anyway. Time to go murder a bee!
and by murder a bee I mean get attacked by children which he can’t fight back against because he’s not got that much rope and cloth, whoops – oh, but then the kids just kinda back off? Okay then, guess it’s bee time after all!
BEE FIGHT INTENSIFIES
Yet again, not enough chomps, but plenty of actual combat skills. Still don’t know how to feel about this. OTHER THINGS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT: BEE KIND OF JUST LAUNCHED ITS ENTIRE THORAX AT AMAZON, AMAZON JUST KICKED IT BACK WITHOUT EVEN CARING, WHAT
Aaaand now its head is sliced and Amazon is covered in foam. I think I’ll have that be the preview shot today, because holy frig how many times did that poor suit need cleaning, poor costume department
Aaaaaaaand two seconds later the foam is all gone and now Great Emperor Businessman is telepathically (???) yelling at Amazon that RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, despite all current evidence to the contrary. XD OKAY BRO GET BACK TO YOUR DAY JOB ALREADY
Anyway thankfully the antidote to BEE POISON was kept in the bee’s thorax (?!?!?!), so all the kids are saved, hurraaaay! And thus we can end with a bunch of kids getting left in a quarry, while Amazon speeds off on his bike with Masahiko. … Amazon is not the brightest friend to all children, okay
Episode 16:
… So, this is happening.
JUST A BUNCH OF FRINGE-LUCHADORS CARRYING SOME WEIRDO WITH A STAFF THROUGH SOME KINDA ANCIENT GRAVEYARD WHILE AMAZON LOOKS ON IN CONFUSION, YUP, JUST A NORMAL TUESDAY OVER HERE. And then they teleported away, or something. … Amazon, your life is weird.
NOT EVEN THE CAMERA COULD HANDLE IT, IT JUST SPUN UPSIDE-DOWN AS OUR SCENE TRANSITION XD Speaking of that though, now we’re at a train station, and Weird Guy is selling random gewgaws outside! TOTALLY LEGIT ITEMS NOT CURSED AT ALL, PLEASE BUY
… psssst masahiko’s sister, that was sarcasm, please stop buying the cursed beetle, I don’t care if these claim to be from the amazon and thus you think your amazon might like it, please stop
GDI AND IF YOU’RE BUYING IT FOR AMAZON THEN WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT ON, I DON’T CARE IF IT’S A BROOCH, STOP –
and then our screen got covered in blood
And this is why you don’t buy 100-yen trinkets from mystery men hanging out outside train stations, folks. Because your screen will get covered in blood, and then the mystery man will turn out to be a diving beetle, and then he’ll eat you a bit, and basically, your life doesn’t need that weirdness.
MEANWHILE: another Mystery Man is filling a trench full of gasoline, which the returning diving-beetle promptly dives into. And gets set on fire. This doesn’t seem to bother it at all. … YEAH OKAY YOU DO YOU, DIVING BEETLE
SO UH HEY MISTER COSPLAY BOSS, WANNA EXPLAIN WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? … Ah, your plan today is to set Tokyo on fire. All of it. Um. Why?
WHO KNOWS BUT HE SURE DID MURDER THAT POOR UNSUSPECTING FRINGE-LUCHADOR JUST TO SERVE AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT’LL HAPPEN TO DIVING BEETLE IF HE FAILS. Bro. I think everyone gets that murder is the penalty for failure by now. Please stop murdering your own people.
Anyway, back over to Masahiko’s sister! She’s fine, apart from a “case of anemia” LOLOLOL. Guys no it was an evil magic diving beetle. … Wow, and I think Amazon’s actually figuring out this was a Garanda plan. Good job, clever murderchild!
MEANWHILE, AGAIN: diving beetle blows up a bomb factory ‘cause he’s just kinda a jerk like that I mean this isn’t even anywhere near tokyo probably, seems pretty remote, as y’know, you’d want a bomb factory to be jerk
NOW, MIND YOU, SOME OF THESE OTHER PLACES HE’S BLOWING UP, LIKE A GAS STATION? YEAH OKAY THOSE ARE PROBABLY MORE LEGIT RELATED TO SETTING TOKYO ON FIRE. …which it now kind of is. Probably not all of it, but yup those sure are buildings on fire! WELP
THANKS MOLE BUT WE KINDA ALREADY FIGURED
Thanks for showing off that Amazon isn’t the only one who can knock at windows, though. You’re a dear. Now go back underground where you’re safe, you’ve hit your More Useful Than Tachibana quota for today~
AND THEN A DIVING BEETLE FREAKING SET SOME WATER ON FIRE. I. I JUST.
NO.
At… at least it went out quickly…? UGH WHATEVER LET’S GET THIS FIGHT OVER WITH, IT’S TOO EARLY TO KILL DIVING BEETLE SO WHATEVER, LET’S JUST DO THIS AND BE DONE
… Wow, jeez, I know I said it’s too early and all, but wow amazon is not having a fun time against this diving beetle monster – AAAAND NOW THE WATER’S ON FIRE AGAIN AS THEY JUMP INTO IT. NOPE, I’M DONE, SCENE OVER, GOOD B Y E
Ah, turns out that diving beetle was just a clone anyway, probably? That or he can just teleport. HEY BRO PRO-TIP FOR THE FUTURE WHICH YOU POSSIBLY WILL NOT HAVE: MAYBE DO NOT TELEPORT BACK HOME WHEN YOU KNOW THE PENALTY FOR FAILURE IS DEATH
what indeed sir, what indeed
… Diving Beetle does have a point though: Technically, his mission is at least a partial success, considering his mission was to set Tokyo on fire, not defeat Amazon. And Tokyo’s pretty hot right now! All he needs is some more blood and then he’ll be able to finish the job! … Specifically Masahiko’s sister’s blood. … okay but why tho
WHO KNOWS but now she sure is getting captured! At least Mole saw and is going to get Amazon. MOLE: BEST SIDE-CHARACTER 1974
… except that wasn’t really fast enough so she’s already been a bit eaten again. Whoops. … WELL WE TRIED, SORRY TOKYO GUESS YOU’RE GONNA BURN
OH I SEE HOW IT IS, NOT IN TIME TO SAVE RITSUKO BUT WE CAN TOTALLY GET TO THE OIL STORAGE IN TIME TO SAVE THAT. Pffff. Ah whatever, we’re trying, let’s just murder a diving beetle and have done with it
OH HEY LOOK WHAT HE REMEMBERED HE HAS
I don’t know why I’m always so surprised, because he actually doesn’t forget it all that often. I guess because that belt and its grapple are just such forgettable accessories…?
Anyway, after a ton of flipping around on top of oil containers and yanking around Diving Beetle with Condora, Amazon finally defeats the Diving Beetle with RAPID-FIRE PUNCHING (!!!), followed by SLICING IT TO RIBBONS WITH A BIG SLICE, YEAAAAH~~ … the suit is covered in foam again. Poor, poor costume department.
OH SNAAAAP BUT THE DIVING BEETLE SENT OFF ONE OF HIS CLONES TO ESCAPE – oh wait never mind Cosplay Boss has killed it. Welp. So much for that plan. … why the flip did y’all want to set Tokyo on fire, anyway?!
WHO KNOWS BECAUSE IT SURE DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT WOULD HELP WITH THE FACT THAT COSPLAY BOSS’ BOSS WANTS HIM TO TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE PLANET IN A FEW DAYS, OR ELSE HE WILL BE THE DEAD! …
1) please do not introduce yet another big bad, guys, we do not have that many episodes left 2) bro what, taking over the world in a few days? how? 3) BRO YOUR COSPLAY BOSS UNDERLING JUST TELEPORTED AWAY, PRESUMABLY BACK TO HIS DAY JOB, I DON’T THINK HE HAS GREAT TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS, MAYBE CONSIDER REORGANIZING YOUR GROUP A LITTLE?
or we can just end with Narrator once again reminding us how little we know thanks narrator thanks a ton
