#kinda having a crisis

Okay so I’m having a bit of a crisis here and I’d love some help,

So far in my life I’ve identified as a polyamorous lesbian cause the I never understood the concept of dating only one person. Lately in my life I’m very close to being in a relationship and I’m beginning to realize that I don’t think what I’m feeling is romantic attraction. Now, I’ve always viewed romantic relationships as friendship premium and that’s probably why I couldn’t understand the concept of dating just one person, especially considering I’ve never understood the concept of having only one best friend. I want to be intimate with someone in a way that is usually considered romantic but also the moment there is romantic intent involved I feel kind of repulsed. I’m very confused cause I might just be autistic/neurodivergent (I’m not gonna be diagnosed ever cause I’m afab and get good grades so gg) and just not understanding romantic attraction or I might be aromantic? Grey romantic since I kinda want an intimate relationship? Or maybe I’m just freaking out at the concept of being in a relationship since this is a first. If someone who knows about this stuff could just help me out I’d really appreciate it cause I’m in a very weird situation right now and as a Virgil kinnie I’m ✨ totally freaking out✨