You are a jigsaw puzzle, and everyone’s jigsaw puzzle is unique. As you’re going through life, you are slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that you’ve learned, until you get the best picture, but the thing is everyone has lost the box for their jigsaw. So none of us know what the image we’re trying to make is, we’re just confidently fucking guessing. Fundamentally, you’re kind of always figuring out what your big picture is.
You are a jigsaw puzzle, and everyone’s jigsaw puzzle is unique. As you’re going through life, you are slowly piecing it together, bit by bit, based on experiences and lessons that you’ve learned, until you get the best picture, but the thing is everyone has lost the box for their jigsaw. So none of us know what the image we’re trying to make is, we’re just confidently fucking guessing. Fundamentally, you’re kind of always figuring out what your big picture is.
The most common way to start a jigsaw is to start from the outside — the sides and the four corners.
Who are you? What are you doing? Where are you going? Which path are you taking next?
You move stuff around, the picture changes, and changes again, and again, and again. In your part, the main bit of your jigsaw puzzle has yet to be filled, yet to be figured out. When asking your surroundings what was it that completed their jigsaw, what made them whole, most of them would talk about love.
It was all to do with love.
Now.
Seeking help from your surroundings, family or friends, has proved many times never to be a good idea. Your family believed success in life was achieved when three conditions in life were met : a job, a partner, and kids. Your friends were talking about a successful life mentioning trips abroad, being a girl boss and most definitely not having kids.
Needless to say, neither suggestions fitted your jigsaw.
Then, ten years happened, Shinsuke happened, waltzed into your life and just like that, he became your big picture. A life with Kita Shinsuke was everything you were and everything you’ve always been — but maybe, just maybe, 7 years of kinda-mutual pining weighted in your judgement.
“Shin, talk to me.”
You loosened your arms around his shoulders a bit, his head still resting against your chest and his own arms circling your waist. Your fingers threaded through his silver hair
“I love you, so much, Y/N,” he sighed and you rested your hands at his nape. “But we’ve been there before…”
It was all too frustrating and unfair, but that’s part of trying to figure out what your big picture is. You won’t always like or approve of the outcome, but you can’t always have what you wish for, may it be hearing what would make you feel better, or have it your way in particular situations. Shinsuke was never one to beat around the bush, and usually you wouldn’t mind. But damn, it hurt realizing you couldn’t fight anymore. Fighting any longer for this love meant losing both yourselves in the process.
“I don’t want to lose you, Shin,” you sobbed, unable to hold back the tears from streaming down your cheeks.
“Y/N…” he pleaded, drifting away from your hold.
Because each individual is as deep and complex as you are, they too, have spent their life working on their own jigsaw puzzle. It took three years of marriage (and a good amount of denial) to understand you both had been working towards very different images. Only then did you realize you wanted different things.
But you refused to ask yourself, do I admit the last three years of my life have been a waste? And do I waste the rest of my life?
It was all to do with love. Because apparently, you were nothing without loving him or without Shinsuke loving you, it had become an obsession, you both knew that.
“Why did you marry me?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.
Shinsuke’s arms fell down from your waist in a slow and gentle motion.
“Because I love ya,” he replied.
“You love me?” you echoed, sobbing again, “then why are you un-marrying me?”
“Because I love ya, and because I want us to be happy,” he paused, “and we’re not happy.”
He wasn’t wrong, but damn, it hurt to hear him say it out loud.
Your jigsaw is your own, it cannot be shared or built by someone else. Your jigsaw is who you are, who you aspire to be, and among other things, it displays what makes you happy. Like Shinsuke stated, neither of you had been happy in this relationship lately, not because you didn’t love each other anymore, you had drifted away from each other because you were not meant to be a constant in each other’s life nor an important piece to complete your jigsaw.
Shinsuke stood up and made his way to the genkan, walking past the credenza. You followed, a few steps behind, watching him tie up his shoes and picking up the bag of clothes he originally came for. You tried to ignore the tug at your heart as best as you could when Shinsuke turned back to face you, a gentle smile adorning his features, golden eyes boring into yours, reassuring you, we’ll be fine.
“I love you, Y/N.”
I always have.
“I love you too, Shin.”
I always will.
You opened the door for Shinsuke, letting him go without a word for each other, then closed behind him, the sight of his back burning in the back of your eyes, one last tear rolling down your still wet cheek.
The place felt strange all over again, but it was a different kind of strange, like you didn’t belong here, like it was time to leave. You opened the drawer where you had stuffed the divorce papers earlier during Shinsuke’s visit, and found a pen hidden somewhere too.
It wasn’t insanity, delusion or irresponsibility, it was love all along, for ten years. You and Shinsuke loved each other deeply, but mostly, you loved each other enough to know it was time to let go.
– FIN WOUHOUH this was,,,, an experience for me to say the least, bc i got to practice writing an only redacted fic, but dAMN was it a pain in my ass
– the analogy of the jigsaw comes from daniel sloss’ jigsaw stand-up comedy show when the title, unbreak my heart, is the name of the episode is grey’s anatomy that inspired this whole series
– thank you to anyone who’s been following this little heartbreaking story <33333
We can’t keep doing this, we don’t know what we’re doing, never have, never will.
How true was it?
Shinsuke never striked you to be impulsive, he was practical, making calculated decisions, methodical, and from the moment you told him you were actually dating someone, you knew he was more than capable of shutting down his feelings in the blink of an eye. Never to be felt again.
It stung at first, it hurt that Shinsuke could act like everything was alright, like neither of you had harbored feelings for each other, which was hypocritical of you because you had stuffed your own feelings down too, and it was even more stupid since the both of you decided not to talk about it ever.
We can’t keep doing this, we don’t know what we’re doing, never have, never will.
How true was it?
Shinsuke never striked you to be impulsive, he was practical, making calculated decisions, methodical, and from the moment you told him you were actually dating someone, you knew he was more than capable of shutting down his feelings in the blink of an eye. Never to be felt again.
It stung at first, it hurt that Shinsuke could act like everything was alright, like neither of you had harbored feelings for each other, which was hypocritical of you because you had stuffed your own feelings down too, and it was even more stupid since the both of you decided not to talk about it ever.
Or at least not to talk about it at appropriate times, and most definitely not to talk about it just the two of you. It was rather straight to the point, in front of over a hundred guests at your wedding, in which Shinsuke wasn’t even the groom or the best man.
“I love ya, Y/N,” the words echoed in the air, “I always have.”
Way to confess after so many years of avoiding the inevitable.
“I want ya with me,” Shinsuke said, fist clenching so tight at his sides his knuckles were turning white. “I know ya love me too.”
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to invite your high school crush — with whom you’ve acted like you’d been in an established relationship for as long as you’ve known each other, to your wedding, but he was still your best friend and that was a bond you never wished to break.
Well, Shinsuke was still a friend you were in love with, and apparently so was he.
Which brought us back to the fact that Shinsuke wasn’t impulsive. And yet, as he was the only one standing in the middle of the other guests, maybe there was a possibility that Shinsuke was a bit selfish, maybe he wanted you for himself and himself only just as much as you had once desired him for yourself only too. You couldn’t help the single tear rolling down your left cheek and the soft gasp you let out.
You did love him, but you loved your fiancé too, or the difference was that you were in love with Shinsuke, and loving him was more like how we never have to remind ourselves to breathe rather than we have to always think about when we need to eat.
You don’t remember if you spared one last glance at the man you were supposed to marry before throwing the bouquet of carnations you’d been holding onto with a tight grip since the ceremony began.
Petals were stripped from their receptacle as they hit the ground hard before you stepped on it when walking to Shinsuke. You grabbed his hand, and without a word, you both escaped the venue, leaving behind the cacophony growing borderline apocalypse. You were focused only on the feeling of Shinsuke’s hand in yours, its tight grip, a grounding force in a moment of chaos. You had ignored the eyes shockingly tracking you as you ran down the aisle until disappearing a few seconds later. Guests and ex-fiancé be damned.
Nothing else mattered.
Only Shinsuke did.
As you reached his car, Shinsuke turned to face you, snaking a hand around your waist while the other cupped your cheek. It was a slow and tender gesture, but your mind was still running too fast to register it properly, the way his thumb caressed your cheek and his golden eyes bore holes into yours. You breathed in, admiring the view from the edge of his glowing irises.
“Y/N, I want ya to be my wife,” he breathed out, “L/N Y/N, will ya marry me? Now?”
“Now?” you huffed a laugh, leaning into his touch.
“Let’s get out of here, let’s go back to the farm and I can ask ma grandma to marry us,” he chuckled while panting.
You nodded, and Shinsuke removed his hand from your cheek, reaching for the key to his car in his suit’s pocket.
“Shin,” you cupped his face with both hands so he would focus back on you.
It worked, Shinsuke had a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and a look of fondness instantly illuminating his features.
For the first time in all these years of pining over each other, not-so-unrequited feelings and missed confessions, it wasn’t about daring to take a leap of faith anymore, kissing Shinsuke in this very moment never felt so right. Taking his hand, running away, kissing him, lips meeting lips in a sweet waltz, hands moving around one’s neck or waist, deepening the embrace and tasting more of the other.
“Y/N,” Shinsuke panted as he rested his forehead against yours, “I really, really want to get more of this, but first, be my wife,” he said and pecked your lips one last time.
“So demanding,” you chuckled and Shinsuke kissed that grin off your face before hurrying you inside his car.
There you found the crinkled groceries list, and because Shinsuke was delivering rice here and there — or once a month to Osamu, you found a pen carefully put in the glove compartment. With your new fiancé, soon-to-be husband, you needed to start somewhere, and what better way there was than writing your vows on the run? Don’t read, you said to Shinsuke when he tried to eye the paper over your shoulder.
“I need a dress,” you realized.
“But y’already have one,” Shinsuke replied matter-of-factly.
“A new one I mean,” you glanced down at the puffy skirt and shuffled in your seat, this corset was really squeezing you too hard you struggled to breathe.
Shinsuke seemed deep in thought when he said, “I think you left a dress at my house once, a white sundress.”
“That’ll be plenty enough,” you smiled at him, as long as you were out of your current dress, anything was enough. Though you had completely forgotten about said sundress.
It wasn’t long before you were back in Himeji and only a few more minutes before you had reached the Kitas household in the outskirts of the city. As on cue, Yumie had been waiting at the doorstep, hands resting behind her with a smile on her face like she’d known her grandson and you were coming. Shinsuke helped you get off the car and carry the hem of your dress so it wouldn’t catch the dust on the ground.
Truth be told, it felt a little bit awkward to be standing in front of Shinsuke’s grandmother after so long. Her stare, as gentle and soft as it was firsthand, had you shake in your heels. “Let’s get you out of this dear,” was the only thing she said. “Shin-chan, call the city hall while we’re getting ready,” she added.
He nodded and you followed Yumie inside the house to a guest bedroom. When walking in, you immediately noticed the white sundress hanging from the wardrobe door.
That dress.
The one you wore on a very hot summer day when you had offered to Shinsuke to bring him lunch in the fields, this was the lightest outfit you owned, but the next day you went back to Osaka without it and completely forgot about it.
“D’ya really wanna marry my Shinsuke-chan, Y/N?” Yumie asked while zipping the back of the dress.
“Yes, I do.”
You were taken aback by the question at first, but there was no need to overthink the answer, it just seemed obvious that you were willing to marry Shinsuke without a second thought.
“And d’ya know what yer doin’?”
You believed her follow-up question sounded stupid, and you brushed it off sigh the excuse that it was Shinsuke. Planning the rest of your life with him didn’t feel like an emergency at the time, it was simply Shinsuke, high school sweetheart, the love of your life, sweetest man walking on this damned planet Earth, a deity putting an end to chaos.
Maybe it was an illusion after all, a fat denial when in fact you absolutely had no idea what was in store for the two of you in the following years.
– *taps mic* hello everyone,,, in today’s episode of maria’s shitshow, this chapter was a pain in my ass (again)
– i started with a first version of it, didn’t like it, wrote on my laptop instead of my phone and now this chapter is done and 1.2k long lol
– next chapter will be the final chapter of this series, i wrote something like 300 words already, which might not be a lot to some but is a lot to me lol (i’m a slow writer )
letter from the author : ❝dear reader, dear @sachirou-senpai, this piece is my participation for the babythots winter wonderland collab and also the occasion to wish you, ellie, the merriest christmas of them all (although i’m late.) i’m hoping this letter will warm your heart, i loved writing every bit of it and couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not you were going to like it. i adore you.
sealed with a kiss, nikki, your secret santa.❞
The table in the living room had become the metaphorical throne for all sorts of garments— amongst them, a pile of candies and other diverse kinds of sweets gained the omnipotency of the attention because, after all, what could be a movie marathon without the inexorable stack of candies which followed? It would be like breaking a silent tradition, movies (whatever the kind of movie for that matter) and snacks went hand in hand together like an unspoken rule. But just when you thought the messy pyramid of sweets on the table wasn’t enough, your glance fell on the figure of your boyfriend holding a bowl of popcorn freshly taken out of the pan where they had exploded like a myriad of fireworks just a few minutes ago. His hold was so careful, a true reflection of his own personality, after all.
« Shinsuke, love, don’t you think we have enough snacks right now? » You half-questioned, your gaze flickering between the ridiculous amount of sweets on the table and the incredulous look painted on his face.
« If there is one thing I learned from the movie nights with the rest of the volleyball team, aside from knowing how to break up a fight with the twins, is that there is never enough snacks. » Touché. And he knew that he was right by the way a hint of a grin manifested itself amidst his facial features.
« I mean, when you’re putting it like that, it’s not like I can resist, right? » You half-asked, knowing this question had every characteristic of a rhetorical question. You just wanted to drown yourself in a paradise of sweets, drown by sugar, and snuggle close to your boyfriend.
Whilst you were holding the TV remote in your right hand, the left one was busy patting the vacant spot next to you on the couch, explicitly inviting the salt and pepper haired man to sit next to you and find himself the victim of your ceaseless waves of love. Kita did as you told wordlessly, and took a sit next to you as you felt the cushion deepen a bit at the newly added weight, but his presence was already comforting you.
« Are you ready for the marathon? Because once we start, there’s no stopping! » The words poured from you mouth in a continuous flow of enthusiasm, your orbs moving onto his credulous expression which quickly morphed into a faded smile at the sudden realization of spending so much time with you and you only.
« You make it sound like something alarming. Should I be worried, dear? » Kita tilted his head back to face you, the grin on his face deepened to dig into his cheeks and let appear a pair of precious dimples, fine lines blooming at the corner of his eyes.
« There’s nothing to worry about as long as I’m here, just stuff your face with sweets, cuddle me and watch these good ol’ cliché movies with me. » There’s nothing he could complain about. He reckoned himself that he had neglected his time dedicated to you to invest it in volleyball-related activities, but without stating the obvious, he much preferred spending time with you rather than hear the continuous bickering of the twins.
« Right. Nothing to worry about as long as you’re here. » He repeated without any real kind of purpose, planting these words into your skin by kissing your temple as if he was sealing a promise. Like a reminder to himself, if you will.
Your fingertips soon found the right combination on the remote to find the very first movie of the marathon ahead of you, your digits moved mechanically without second thinking, as if you had practiced these moves over and over again whilst waiting for Kita to spend this night with you.
The screen of the TV was soon colored by a whole spectrum of colors gravitating around the color scheme of Christmas, an accord of red, white, green and gold. But even with the distraction and the colorful explosions on the screen, Kita had still his hazel eyes set on you, a gleam of genuine adoration dancing in the corner of his irises. And why of course, no one could truly ignore his glance, and even when he was looking at you with metaphorical hearts in his eyes, you still felt a pressure weighing on your shoulders. You looked up to him, a brow raised to emphasize wordlessly your interrogation.
« It’s nothing. » He said, having already picked up on your silent question and so your eyes darted back to the screen, « you’re insanely beautiful », he whispered to no one but himself, yet another vocal reminder of how lucky he was.
But the more the scenes arrived and went away, the more you felt your body lean on Kita. He felt the urge to adapt his hold on you to your new position, bowing his right arm so he could welcome you in the warmth emanating from his chest and thus challenge the fireplace. Your cranium was laying between his shoulder and his collarbone, a soft balance where your head fit just fine.
But regardless of the parts of his anatomy, your body parts always seemed to fit perfectly with his. The latter reminded Kita of an old tale his grandmother used to tell him and how lovers, a long time ago, used to be one. But the Gods were so jealous of their powers and love that they decided to separate them, and since their natural form had been cut in two, each one longed for its own other half for all of their life, and so they would throw their arms around each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together.
Truthfully, Kita did not pay one bit attention to the movie. He memorized some of the characters, surely, but all he could think about was how well you were fitting in his arms, how poetic this embrace was, how you were molded just for him and how you were molded just for him. And whilst still thinking about this myth, he was sure that he was your soulmate in another life.
Before he could even realize it, the second movie had started, and he could’ve sworn to himself that it was the same plot… Or was it? Oh well, he was going to pay attention this time, it was a promise to both himself and you. His hold tightened a bit around you, accustoming to the way he had straightened up himself to adopt a position perfect to focus solely on the movie.
It’s safe to say that he was absorbed. He had made mental maps of who was who and how this character was linked to another, hell, he was even already guessing what was bound to happen in the rest of the movie. Kita focused so intensely that it seemed that the noise emanating from the screen had cancelled out the sound of your soft snores, after all, his heartbeats were the perfect lullaby to fall asleep.
You looked so at peace, your dreams were surely the guardians of your quietude, and he had least hoped that he was in one of them. His fingertips brushed ever so softly against the crown of your hair, each motion was calculated not to wake you up, and it’s like he fell in love with you all over again.
« Because once we start, there’s no stopping, you said. Well, my love, it looks like you met your own end. » Kita’s words were mere whispers thrown into the quietude of the reigning atmosphere.
He solely needed to move his hands behind your thighs to put you in a position which would make it easier for him to carry you, those thoughts soon became reality as he was now holding you, a forearm secured behind your thighs whilst his other hand traveled from the nape of your neck to meet his other palm. He had never been so cautious in his life, after all, your slumber was at stake. And each step he took on the stairs was as quiet as the vacuity in outer space.
Kita’s hand gained its original spot back on your neck as he began to close the distance between your asleep form and the mattress, protecting your neck just like how you’d protect the neck of a newborn to avoid any harsh movement. And there you were, in your most serene before his eyes after a poor attempt at challenging him for a hallmark movie marathon.
You woke up the next morning, the sudden feeling of hot trails left by Kita’s hold on you that night awakened at the same time as you, and although your vision was blurry from the sudden adjustment to the lightening and the intrusion of the rays of sunshine which had pierced through your curtains, you could discern a foreign presence on your nightstand amidst your distorted vision of reality.
You blinked once. Then twice. And smile at the realization.
It was a basket composed of fruits, tea bags, water and other kinds of bakeries his grandma must have surely given him. But the most drastic detail was the note he had left along with the rest, in that detailed lettering of his :
« My love, make sure you eat your breakfast properly. I am looking forward to the second half of the movie marathon tonight with you. I love you.
Signed : Kita, your boyfriend.
P.S : you are safe as long as you are with me, too. »
a/n:why do i only ever have inspiration to write during exam season anw i wrote this on mobile because while doing a math paper i suddenly thought of these hope you guys enjoy this!!
atsumu says i love you like he’s barefoot on asphalt in the summer, tan skin burnt under the unyielding sun. the words leave his throat with the same pain of sunburnt skin, but it’s okay because when you say i love you too, your words are a balm, a healing salve that soothes.
osamu says i love you like it’s a gold star, the kind you used to get in elementary school when you’ve done something special — except he says it every evening, when he’s walked you to your doorstep. moonlight slips from the cave of his mouth and you lean closer, closer still to taste the night on his tongue, to swallow that little gold star he always has for you.
suna says i love you like the snap of a bear trap. when he smiles into your skin it’s a predator’s grin, the circle of his arms the noose you will always choose. you say i love you too, and it’s the knowing mouse stepping onto the trap for the promise of cheese.
kita says i love you like water dripping steadily onto the same spot of a rock for decades, centuries, millennia. he says it every morning, a pot of coffee freshly brewed just for you before he heads to the fields, a note bearing three words. it’s okay if you don’t say it back every time, kita tells you, the water doesn’t need to know that the rock is there, because it will fall anyway — it’s just gravity.
aran says i love you into the crook between your neck and your shoulder, like some whispered secret that he paints over your skin in a language only the two of you understand. the first time he said it, under the city lights and beneath the dim stars, he also says, it’s okay if you don’t say it back now — every bud takes time to blossom, every fruit needs time to ripen.
HAIKYUU BOYS & THE SILLY THINGS THEY DO WHILE YOU’RE ASLEEP -»scen-canons -»ft. oikawa, kita, kuroo, hirugami, kenma -»A/N:I’m writing for hq everyweek Be a part of my taglist for contents and event privileges DETAILS|FORM
»—OIKAWA
“Ohhh, is my baby tired? Is my baby Y/N tired?” He whispers and giggles. “I’m going to steal kisses from you. Here I go. Here I go.” Kisses your cheeks twice. You whimper and rub your cheek. He chuckles. You’re just too precious! Fishes out his phone and takes pictures & videos of you. “Oh, look at my baby so cute while dreaming of me.”
»—KITA
Mushy very mushy it’s too soft. Repetitively and gently sweeps your forehead. Watches you with so much love in his eyes. He doesn’t say his thoughts verbally but he just feels them. He just can’t believe how he finally has someone like you in his life. I will protect you all my life. I’ll work hard to make you happy everyday. Sheds tears and kisses your eyelids.
»—KUROO
Draws on your face sometimes. Teases you. “Oh look at that, look at that.” He pokes your cheek with his index. “How can you make me fall in love with you like this, huh, pudding cheeks?” He leans near your ear and whispered, “they’re cute by the way.” And kisses you. You whimper and he chuckles silently. “You must be dreaming of me. Arn’t you?”
»—HIRUGAMI
Kisses you before tucking himself in. Makes sure it’s on your lips. Maybe it isn;t just one. Lovey-dovey. Hates his sister’s boyfriend for it, but he’s closetly the same. Snuggles and hugs you closer because he’s struggling to fall asleep. You’re his human pillow. Nuzzles his face on your head, face or just whatever part of you near him.
»—KENMA
“Y/N, Y/N,” He softly whispers, “I bought you fries with soda.” No, he doesn’t. He’s just checking if you’re asleep. “I ordered them large.” You don’t budge and that’s his hint. Gently places a light kiss on your forehead and a sleeping mask atop your eyes. Quietly, he sits on the floor, starts his console and resumes playing.
