#lets talk about it

Why does Tonks’s character apparently get ruined when she becomes a mother but Dad!Remus is so glorified in the fandom?

And what’s best, Tonks is also reduced to a surrogate in the fandom yet somehow it’s getting married and having a child that ruins her character?

Tonks as a mother is so underappreciated (when she was pregnant during a war and then went to a battle days later after giving birth to try and help to make a better world for him) but she’s so hated for it? Why do people have so much hate for “badass” women who get married and have children as if those women can’t be badass? A woman can be a badass no matter if she’s married or not, has children or not, aka just always. Her character didn’t get “ruined” or “reduced to a housewife”. You’re just dumb

I’ve been following Gazi Kodzo’s conversations on periscope and somehow that got me thinking on something that I refer to as black male exceptionalism–where a lot of black men, once they’ve reached a certain status in the black community or have a large following of black people, can do no wrong.

It’s something that’s happened with several black male celebrities–Bill Cosby being the most apparent example where tens of women came forward accusing him of rape, sexual assault and what have you for more than two decades–and multitudes of black people readily came to his defense. Black celebrities such as Whoopi Goldberg openly defended him, Raven Simone refused to comment on the subject altogether, Felicia Rashad (I love her to death, but she failed me here) also defended him–not to mention the scores of people, famous and working class alike, defending him tooth and nail on social media.

It has me feeling some type of way that our black “role models” don’t come under fire for the scrutiny they often deserve.

While I call it black male exceptionalism, I can easily rationalize it as an intersection of multiple societal oppressions: the patriarchal overtones mixed with racism, sexism, colorism, and rape-culture intersecting to create this perfect storm that allows the wrongs done against black women to go completely unanswered when prestigious, wealthy and well-known black men commit them.

I feel like we need to address this.

A little bit over a decade ago, I was in a church in Harlem at an event honoring her. As soon as she stepped in the room all you heard for 10 minutes straight was her name shaking the foundation of the church, “Yuri! Yuri! Yuri!” As if she was running for office or something. But she wasn’t running for office, she was just being herself. Just one of the many elders that fought for justice but have been written out of the mainstream narratives of what is generically referred to as “the Civil Rights Movement.” One of the few that was still standing tall as her contemporaries were assassinated, imprisoned, absorbed by the poverty pimp complex or eviscerated by the war on drugs. I can say that I exist because of her, because of people like her. I do what I do because of her and people like her. When I was confused about what justice meant or how to fight for it, it was the story of Yuri Kochiyama as told to me by my mentor at the time, Maggie Chen Hernandez, that gave me more clarity. But now she is gone. This year so many like her have left us, so many that fought and taught folks like me how to fight. I always call them “humble lights” because when you meet them and talk to them, they never played themselves or carried themselves like they were much. But Yuri, people like you meant so much to folks like me, who were trying to be soldiers, who were trying to fight for justice, trying to build a better world, even though I never met you personally. Now, so many people that I grew up studying about, analyzing their life, learning their lessons, etc. are gone. And I simultaneously feel lost and found. I have said too much already and said this too many times this year. But Yuri Kochiyama, may the Spirit of Love, Truth and Justice bless you and keep you. May you rest until risen and may all those that you have inspired by your strength and presence do right by your memory.

Subhash Kateel is a writer, communicator, and the host of the radio show Let’s Talk About It!