#life stuff
Maybe it’s just because I’m Jewish but I do truly believe that life gets ten times better when you learn to complain cheerfully
I think a part of it is that it lets you acknowledge that something sucks, which is actually really good in a culture that wants us to pretend that everything is fine and we’re soldiering through all the time. Like, no, my grocery bag breaking and spilling all over the floor is not fine. I’ve had a long day and I’m really upset and on the verge of tears because I can’t handle one more thing and pretending like it’s fine only means breaking down later.
But if you let yourself complain, if you let yourself swear terribly and creatively, and you stare down at the bruised vegetables like they’ve personally disappointed you, and you make yourself smile because this is really just so, so stupid, you feel a little better. There’s a power to acknowledging that something sucks and making yourself feel better anyways. There’s a power to going “and THEN my bag broke, and it’s like—seriously? my day was bad enough” and doing it with a smile.
You shouldn’t have to pretend things are fine when they aren’t. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to smile through things that make you feel terrible. But if you can make yourself laugh by staring down at some strawberries that have decided to revolt, and give them a lecture on why they’re just terrible, really, and that makes you smile—then maybe that’s a good thing.
I cannot overstate how freeing it can be to simply say “oh fuck off” at the object that falls off your counter of its own volition after you spent 10 minutes preventing items from falling off and breaking on they other side.
OP is so right about the power of laughing at your misfortune.
My mother used to tell me all the time that I should try not to complain so much. (I bet she’d still tell me that, if I saw her more often.) She would always frame it as “no one will want to hang out with you” (also implied: “date you/marry you”, etc) if I complained all the time. She didn’t want me to end up alone. She would always say, “You don’t complain like this around your friends, right? I mean, it’s fine when it’s just me, but you can’t just do nothing but this with other people. You know that, right?”
And I’d say, “No! Of course not!” Which was maybe a half truth. I mean, when your mom calls you and asks how life’s going, and you could use a vent, then of course mom’s going to hear a higher than average number of complaints. But my friends and I had other interests, obviously. I get where she’s coming from, I do. If your first impression of someone is that they complain about EVERYTHING, that they find fault with everything, and that’s their main way of interacting with the world, then yeah, of course, that person’s a Negative Nancy and no one likes a malcontent.
But my partner and I have found equal ground in our complaining. We’ll happily whine about anything. We’re not complaining about each other (*key difference here!) but about whatever’s currently being a pain. We allow and even indulge these complaints. It is extremely comforting to have someone who’ll let you whine, but not judge you for it, or roll their eyes, or tell you “it’s not that bad”, “buck up”, “just try not to think about it”, or “just do it anyway”. It’s a solid brick in our relationship wall. I do not take it for granted.
I can’t tell you how good this makes me feel. It feels so good to be part of a community and a team of writers who are not only passionate about what they do, but also are so supportive of one another. It’s pretty great.
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I’ve had a really wonderful past few days, and I want to talk about it.
Friday marked my very last day at the job I’ve held (and been completely miserable at) for the past two years. I finished up my last training session with the poor soul who will be taking on my responsibilities, then I essentially had the rest of the day off. I sat out in the sun with my boyfriend and cat, and we drank beers and did crossword puzzles together. I went to a show that evening to review for the mag I’m freelancing at, drank some more brews and went to bed.
Saturday, my pal Jim and I got donuts and headed to Columbus for an afternoon of shopping and strolling around Short North. Despite the insane rain, we made our way through some cool galleries, vintage shops and a crazy tasty brunch spot called Bodega. That evening, we attended my oldest friend Carolyn’s wedding, which was lovely and full of lots of folks I haven’t seen in a long time. I was a bit exhausted by the night’s end but still managed to check out a brewery before crashing out pretty hard.
Sunday, my boyfriend and I went to Cleveland to see the Stiv Bators photo exhibit at this gallery near the Beachland. It was super cool, and I wanted to buy all the prints. After, we checked out an exhibit at Transformer Station which just blew me away. It was so tragic and beautiful, and I didn’t expect to be affected so strongly by it. Reading about the artist’s process was amazing, and I’m so glad we got to experience it together.
We ate at Melt (my first time there, somehow), headed back to Akron for drinks at The Lockview and finally made it to Kent for snuggles and all the sleep.
Yesterday was my first day of my new job, and I love it so far. I get to spend all day writing without a thousand interruptions and menial tasks, and I feel content and inspired. Things are good. I’m trying to enjoy it and remind myself I’ve worked hard for happiness and it is deserved.
Life Update: Things are going well. In regards to my last post, I’ve cut down on drinking quite a bit and feel better. I had a few bad days in between where I went overboard (holidays, vacation time, etc.) and the result wasn’t good. Anger and frustration directed at others around me when I know it was just a projection of how I was feeling about myself. I’ve been trying to fill my time with meaningful things and haven’t experienced lying in bed all day because I’m hungover and ashamed for a while now. I consider that to be progress of some sort.
In other news, I adopted a sweet cat. Moving away from my old apartment meant leaving behind two sweet kitties that belonged to my roommate. It was tough because I definitely bonded with them and fed them when she was gone. But moving out of that toxic situation is absolutely for the best, and looking back is the last thing I want to do. I feel like I finally have control of my life and home, and I’m excited to have two cats here that I can love unconditionally and care for. It’s a good feeling when you have a stable environment that allows you to be nurturing and relaxed and have fun.
My new kitty is pregnant, and I’m taking her to the vet tomorrow to get her checked out. It’s going to be strange and sad having to give away her kittens once they’re ready, but it’ll be interesting to see new life emerging in this apartment, and I’m happy to be able to care for her and the little kittens once they pop out. I like the feeling of taking care of things, but I recognize that I sometimes put the needs of others ahead of myself. I guess it gives me a purpose in a way, but I’m still trying to strike that balance.
Living with my guy has been great, and I’m so happy we have each other. There’s more I discover and love about him each day, and that’s an exciting feeling. He’s turning 30 in a couple of weeks and has gotten pretty down about it from time to time. I know he struggles with depression, and the other night I broke down in tears because of how frustrated I was that I couldn’t do anything to help him. I know I make him happy and he is grateful to have me. It’s hard when you’re struggling with things yourself and can’t be the best all the time for others. Again, I know healing begins with taking care of your own issues first, then you are well equipped and ready to help others without feeling guilty or powerless.
There’s a lot I have to learn, but I think my self awareness has grown as I’ve gotten older, and I’m trying to take the time to really think about situations and approach them in the right way, rather than running from them and pushing them out because I’m scared or angry. I’m lucky to have a much better support system now than I have over the course of my entire life, and things are certainly looking up.
Caution: This may be a long post about life stuff.
As the weather gets warmer, I’ve been in high spirits and thinking about how fulfilling my life has been lately. I’ve made new friends and have reconnected with old pals, and I’m just so very happy. I feel like I finally have some sense of control regarding the way I’m living, and that’s a nice feeling for an anxious weirdo like me.
A few months ago, I decided to try finding some friends on the Internet. I’m perfectly aware of how dorky that sounds, but I spend a ton of time on the computer for my job (and I work at home), so face-to-face interaction is rare compared to how much time I spend staring at a screen. I’ve joined friendship sites and meet up groups, and they’ve actually been successful! I met a few great gals I really enjoy spending time with. One, Xing, invited me over this evening to decorate eggs in the Ukrainian psyanky style. She’s a rad chick who’s into bugs and printmaking, and it was awesome to learn a new hobby, even though my creation was kinda rough and janky. It will still a ton of fun, and I was happy to hang with such an interesting and talented person.
Yesterday I introduced my friend Meagan to downtown Canton where I used to intern for a music magazine. She’s from Colorado, so she hasn’t yet seen all of Northeast Ohio. It was cool to stroll around the Arts District and shop for vintage clothes, eat tasty veggie curry and have girl talk over coffee and desserts. She’s a person I feel increasingly comfortable around and have genuinely wonderful conversations and experiences with. I got to meet her new guy the night before, and I’m really happy she’s found someone so much like herself. I always wish the best for her, and her happiness radiates within me as well.
A few days prior, I reconnected with cousins I haven’t seen in three years. They’re on my dad’s side of the family, and there’s always been a lot of weird tension and mysterious resentment with those relatives ever since he passed away. These ladies have always been sweet to me though, and they’re incredibly smart, educated and sarcastic. Our dinner conversation was great, and I felt good about making the time and effort to see them. Family is important, even if some stuff is weird, and as we get older it’s good to keep those folks within arm’s reach.
Last weekend I went to a friend’s bridal shower, a gal I’ve always adored and haven’t seen in a couple of years. It was kind of a frantic day for me, but I was so thrilled to see her and honored that I could be part of her special day. I can’t wait to see her get married and to keep in touch with her more in the future.
Things with Jason have been wonderful as well. We had a weird little spat the other night, but I’m so incredibly grateful for the maturity in our relationship and ability to communicate and put everything out there and be completely honest and work toward a solution. Our apologies are genuine, we ask questions about why the other person is upset and we make active strides to make life better for the both of us. It isn’t one-sided, and the good times we have together are so intoxicatingly wonderful. I’ve never felt so connected with a person and in such adoration of someone. He and I make a point to talk about our future and how (and how much) we want to spend it together. I truly love him with all my heart. The mornings and afternoons we’re able to stay in bed and snuggle and be intimate, drink coffee and watch stupid YouTube videos, tackle his cat and crack up at dumb shit are my absolute favorite. I’m so grateful we’re a part of each other’s lives.
I think this spring and summer will bring many good things and fun adventures. Life isn’t always perfect, and I do feel down and worthless at times. But experiencing these relationships growing and getting stronger makes things so much better, and I am so fulfilled by them. It’s a change for sure, and I’m just happy about it.
After spending years completely anxious and worried that I don’t really know what I’m doing and am a lazy, horrible worker, I’m finally getting more comfortable in my abilities and a little more sure of myself. I feel confident at my job, and my hard work rarely goes unnoticed. It’s such a bizarre thing, and certainly not an environment I’m used to, but I really couldn’t be happier in that aspect.
My side projects have been great too. I’m now the music editor for The Devil Strip, and I feel like our section is finally really organized, and our meetings are productive. The content is becoming more interesting and diverse, and I’m excited to have some small impact on the community. It’s allowed me to meet a lot of new, talented and friendly people, and I’m so glad I took this on.
I had a meeting with a band last night, and I’m also going to be helping them with their publicity and marketing efforts. Yeah, my boyfriend is in the band, but I’m still viewing the opportunity as professionally as possible, and I’m excited to help these guys out because they’re kind, hardworking and really fucking great musicians, imo. It’ll be fun to help them succeed because I wish all the best for them and know they deserve it.
On a somewhat related note, I decided to move in with my guy next summer. We’re going to redecorate and renovate parts of his apartment, and it’s starting to become a fun and exciting project for the both of us. I was nervous at first, and there will be some adjustments, but I’ve truly never worked so well with someone or had such an understanding, mutually supportive relationship like this. I think we’ll continue to listen and communicate and grow together, and I’m looking forward to everything that lies ahead.
My boyfriend asked me to move in with him when my lease is up. I have until next summer to think about it, and I’m nervous. He said, “When my roommates move out, I plan on keeping the place empty until you say ‘yes.’”
Ahhhhh.
Life is pretty swell right now. It’s weird that summer is going to be over soon, but I’ve been trying to make the most of it before fall comes and before I leave town for my fancy what-am-I-doing-here-lol Nantucket Trip.
I bought a bike. I’ve been taking lots of river walks. I’ve been day drinking plenty of brews and grilling food, so aside from my lack of swimming, I’d say I’m doing summer right.
My fella played a show at Stan Hywet the other night, and I got to drink and chat with friends as the sun went down. We strolled around the chilly, spooky, gorgeous mansion and grounds, looked at bats and smelled flowers. A large group of us congregated at the bar after, and I was just so happy. I felt like I found my people and a place where I’m comfortable. I love watching the person I love play and having great folks to hang with while he’s doing his thing. It’s a nice life to have, and I feel fortunate each day.
This stuff is pretty sweet too:
Work has been good, and I feel like my efforts are appreciated. I’m finally over this stupid summer cold I was trying my best to ignore and work through, which is a relief. The excitement of newness rises and falls as I slip into this comfortable stage in my life, but I’m OK with it. Moments still come up where I feel a rush and can ignore my day-to-day responsibilities to have fun and do something weird.
But it’s nice to really feel at peace and not unsatisfied or constantly questioning if everything you’re doing is worth it or right. I’m working on looking at the big picture and making sure my decisions are good for me and those I care about.
I know this has been a long, rambly morning post, but I’m just trying to reflect on the times when I’m happy, understanding that hard times never last long and that everything is going to be OK.
So, here’s the thing: I’ve been feeling bad about my body lately which makes me mad because I spent so many integral years of my adolescence obsessing over my appearance and stressing myself out about it when I could have been focusing that energy on bigger, better things. I’ve started working out again and eating a little better, and I notice I look and feel healthier. Putting negative thoughts about myself to rest is totally difficult, but I think I’m getting a little better. Anyway, I sent my partner a ~sexy video~ and it feels really good to hear these kinds of things from him. As a feminist and an “independent thinker,” I don’t needto hear these kinds of affirmations from men to feel good about myself physically or otherwise. But I wish I could pretend like It doesn’t feel nice to be loved and noticed and desired. It makes me feel good and, yeah, it boosts my self-esteem a little. If I’m wrong for that, then so be it. I’m a little happier these days, and that’s a big deal for little ol’ me.
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Quick update!
Requests are CLOSEDfor now. I will be in the hospital for awhile, I’m unsure how long. I’ll try to get what I can done tonight though
I’m just having a tough time doing anything art related… The motivation isn’t exactly there, experiencing trigger finger, and other problems… However, I did get a new computer recently. I’ll try to remember to share some Smash Clips I had saved for sometime now.
((Sorry for the lack of posts last week, I just moved out of my parents house into my first apartment so I needed a break to get situated! Time to play catch up…))
Is my hair the only trait I’m confident in?
Yes.
Do I kind of want to cut it for gender reasons?
Also yes.
Is life bad?
Yeah.
This is a big, giant list of Youtube tutorials that will teach you all the basic life skills you need to know in order to be a functional adult. There are a lot of important skills that aren’t included in this list, but this should be enough of a basic guide to get you started and prevent you from making a total mess of yourself. Happy adulting!
Household Skills:How to unclog a toilet without a plunger
How to clean soap scum from your tub and shower
How to escape from a house fire
How to make a budget and stick to it
How to clean a self-cleaning oven
How to clean red wine stains from carpet
How to clean blood stains from fabric
How to clean grease stains from fabric
How to test your smoke detectors
Cooking Skills:
How to tell if produce is ripe
How to know if food is expired
How to properly sanitize a kitchen
How to put out a kitchen grease fire safely
How to use kitchen knives properly
How to make grilled cheese sandwiches
Health Skills:
How to help someone who is choking
How to save yourself if you are choking alone
How to recognize when someone is having a stroke
How to maintain a healthy sleep schedule
Mental Health Skills:
How to calm down during a panic attack
How to help someone who is suicidal
How to recognize problem drinking
How to deal with disappointment
Relationship and Social Skills:
How to recognize an abusive relationship
How to rekindle a damaged friendship
Job Hunting Skills:
How to dress for a job interview (for women/femmes)
How to dress for a job interview (for men/masculines)
Other Skills:
If there’s ever anything you want that isn’t on this list…youtube it. Everyone always comments on my handiness, but everything I know comes from an old guy and his iphone.
GUYS. Believe me, I’d love nothing more than to make a ton of nerd comics. Unfortunately, I have very little time to draw these days since I have to do adult work to pay for my adult bills.
BUT YOU CAN HELP!
If you follow me because of my fan art parody work, please consider subscribing to my patreon.
I created a specific tier for fan art, meaning you can see extra Marvel and Star Trek doodles that I don’t post on Tumblr. In turn, I can buy ramen to fuel more comic making.
I’ll never stop making comics to read for free online. But with a little bit of your help, I can produce way more!
Thanks for reading. I love you. Yes. YOU.
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Little life and work update under the cut.
I haven’t talked about this anywhere, because I hadn’t felt the need to. But I’m trying to leave the art industry- not a decision easily made, but I think it’s the right one at this time. I still love art and making things, but I’ve been pretty miserable chasing work and feeling extremely pressured to create things just to find jobs I don’t enjoy. It’s really taken a toll on my mental health, which I only realized by actually getting on medication & going to therapy (shocking, I know).
I’ve tested into some welding and general carpentry courses that start next month, and I’m pretty excited to work toward getting certified in either of those fields. In the meantime, I don’t intend to stop drawing- if anything I feel a lot of relief just knowing that I can try to make a living some other way. Turns out it’s a little easier to feel creative when you don’t feel trapped by your career choices!
Anyway, not sure where this path will go but I’m very happy to have options right now.
Work shenanigans
Very early morning. Very tired. Co-worker couldn’t find the salt. No braincells in sight.
I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve been on this site since December LMAOHEY GUYS!! Apologies for disappearing for nearly 9 months. Life’s been busy but 2019 has been a really good year for me!I’m getting back into the groove of drawing, and I’ve finally started getting serious about cosplay! With that said, for those of you who are still interested in my work (drawing and cosplay), please feel free to follow me on my instagram!
— Instagram [psizelda] —
I’ve been super active on there as of late <:
I’m not sure if and when I’ll get around to being active on here, but we’ll see! Thanks for reading! ♥ ♥ ♥
2014. What a motherfucker of a year. Exams, stress, graduating etc etc. I have to say, I’m not a big fan of 2014. We did not part amicably, and it left a few scars. So i’m happy we’re through, and curious about what this new year will bring, although I don’t expect much - it is my rebound year after all. So I guess this year’s resolution is to keep it light, have some fun, and not expect too much. Which is a difficult resolution for me, especially the “keeping it light” part. But we’ll see. It’s only the 1st of January after all. A lot can happen in a year.
