Hello, everybody! I hope you all have had at least a good start into the New Year.

A new year means new opportunities, and of course, new decisions. Let’s talk about how to decide things in Japanese.

There are many different moments when you have to make a decision. Do you want the soup or the salad? Pokemon Sun or Pokemon Moon? A morning class or an evening class? In English, this is a pretty unanimous phrase:
“I decided on the soup.” “I decided I want Pokemon Sun.” “I decided to take the morning class.”

More casually, it can be reduced to “I picked” or even “I’m doing”, the latter being a very interesting phrase. You can’t actually “do” a soup, but it’s another way to say that a decision has been made. In that respect, Japanese is similar. But for now, let’s just talk about 決める/きめる.

決める is the literal closest word to the English “to decide”. I mean, 決める means just that, “to decide”. 

ニューヨークに行くことに決める。

I decided to go to New York.

パーティのひどりを決めました。

I decided on a date for the party.

その大学に入っていると決めます。

I decided to enroll in that college.

Now, some of you may look at the sentences/translations and feel it’s simple enough. But someone of you may have noticed a small, yet essential difference between the examples: the particles. That’s right, 決める uses に, を, and と. Because it can.

This can be something that can be difficult to explain, and sometimes people don’t bother to explain it at all, but here goes.

に決める

に決める is the most standard paring. It refers to a decision being made.

りんご(をたべるのこと)に決めました。

I decided to eat an apple. 

In this case, the (をたべるのこと) is implied to some degree because most likely you would have picked an apple to eat it. In general, always refer to に決める if you’re really stuck. That said, it’s hard to describe the full usage of に決める without going into the other two.

を決める

This is a bit more nuanced than the former example. を決める doesn’t state the decision directly, but rather what the category that is decided upon. Let’s go back to the previous example of eating an apple. If I had to use を決める:

くだものを食べるのことを決めました。

I decided upon a fruit to eat.

Here, the result would likely still be the same: I picked an apple. But this example doesn’t tell you the exact fruit I picked. Instead, it described the category. If we go back to the first を決める example:

パーティのひどりを決めました。

I decided on a date for the party

I’m not telling you the exact date here, am I? If I did, it would be more like this:

パーティのひどりは２月11日に決めました。

I decided the date of the party will be February 11th. 

Here, に決める is used because I am sharing the exact result of what was being decide on. Let’s go back to を決める:

くるまを決めました。

I decided on a car.

This is literally all it means. I’m not telling what kind of car, what year, or any specifics. If I did share a specific detail (like a black car or something), に決める is more appropriate because now I’m telling you I decided on a specific car/result.

と決める

と決める is interesting because while it can substitute for either に決める or を決める, it’s actually not a good regular substitute for either. Yeah, I realize I made things more confusing.

The thing about と決める isn’t that is it is following a type of translation rule, but rather an emotional one. と決める is used to create a sense of “Finally!” or “After a long time”. It’s used to convey that a lot of thought and time went into making the decision. If we look at the original example of と決める:

その大学に入っていると決めます。

I decided to enroll in that college.

The use of と決める conveys that it took a long time to decide to enroll in a specific college. This is understandable as college is usually one of those things people try to think about. Let’s look at a comparison between と決める and に決める.

まこととけっこんすることに決めました。

まこととけっこんすることと決めました。

Very literally, they both mean “I decided to marry Makoto.”. Sentence 1 conveys a more natural, easy transition to making the decision to marry Makoto. Sentence 2 conveys a more deliberate moment of consideration. In the second example, maybe there were doubts or issues regarding Makoto as a marriage partner. Maybe in sentence two it was an arranged marriage situation involving multiple options. The point is that the use of と決める means that a long train of thought was put into the decision.

Same thing with を決める:

ダイエットを決めました。

ダイエットと決めました。

Again, both mean “I decided on a diet”. を決める, like に決める, is a more neutral, natural decision making process. と決める is a deliberate, intentional choice within diets.

In summation, に決める is the Foreigner’s Privilege choice. For a non-specific decision, を決める is the best. To convey a serious and considerate decision result, と決める is better.

I’m not really going to do examples for this one because と決める can technically be used as an answer to anything (who am I to judge how long it takes for you to decide on a toothpaste?). But I will ask you to consider specifics vs categories.

Red vs Colors

Cats vs Animals

Target vs Department Stores

Halloween vs Holidays

Lavender vs Flowers

Penne vs Noodles

California vs U.S. States

By keeping in mind conveying a decision on a specific result is に決める and a decision within a category is を決める, you’ve pretty much have a grasp on the difference between the two particles.

As always, feel free to ask if any questions come up!

It’s always so interesting seeing people’s reactions in class - almost as interesting as the ideas we’re studying. Personally, I don’t particularly agree with the idea of polyamory and I think the logic behind it is very interesting. Again, I think that its presence as a “deviant” social convention forces those involved in it to be particularly thoughtful and intentional in their construction of the “system” of polyamorous relationships. However, as with BDSM relationships, I think the benefits of polyamorous relationships should be available in all relationships; it’s just that both relationships have set-ups that make particular types of edgework more necessary, and there are many types of edgework that are very beneficial to both individuals and relationships but because most folks don’t appreciate going out of their comfort zone, they will never voluntarily engage in those types of engagement (which is really self-development).

That said, I do want to give a defense of monogamous relationships as a response to “Polyamory or Polyagony” because I think it’s important to contend with the ideas at an argumentative-logic level, rather than an instinctive cultural reactive level. Polyamory, polygamy, and polyandry all have purposes in fulfilling specific needs that are largely unmet by many “normative” relationship styles. Shared physical and emotional resources can be really helpful to individuals’ wellbeing. The two women in the polygamous relationship clearly found each other a major asset, emotionally and relationally. And, as mentioned in class, pragmatically, having two women engaged in housework and childcare lessens the load by a lot. Similarly, if some individuals have large sex drives or emotional needs that are not fulfilled by their primary partner, it can be incredibly difficult and unfulfilling in a monogamous relationship if the two are not willing to work it out.

However, the argument for polyamory seems to hang a lot on the idea of self-development and self-fulfillment, even as being in a polyamorous relationship requires a lot of “selflessness” at times. The focus of the articles has been on the issue of jealousy, which is portrayed as almost a goal of polyamory: to eradicate jealousy within relationships and replace it with compersion. Whether this arises because jealousy is the biggest threat to a polyamorous relationship or because polyamorous individuals see jealousy as an interpersonal and relational flaw of monogamy for which polyamory is the “cure” remains to be seen.

Deri goes so far as to distinguish fait accompli jealousy and envy as two different emotions and describes jealousy as having more personal roots, coming out of insecurity and fear of the relationship being threatened. I both agree and disagree with this interpretation. While I do think jealousy may come from the feeling that a relationship is threatened, I don’t think it has to come from insecurity. I think it can come out of an idea of agreement and trespass in terms of valuing a relationship. Even if I feel secure in my relationship, there are moments when I am jealous for my significant other’s time, not because I feel threatened necessarily, but simply because, “I really wish you were here right now, I miss you.” Sometimes he’s just doing homework. Do I feel threatened by his being a student? Maybe? That’s certainly possible. But I think it can also come out just wanting more - and maybe that’s selfish, but I think the heart wants what the heart wants, and we all have desires. Rather than rerouting our desires, I think it’s better to be upfront about them and contend with them. So I agree that we should certainly deal with jealousy, but I disagree with the model that it has to come from a fear of rejection or inadequacy.

The primary hinge of polyamory comes from their disconnection of love and exclusivity, which, honestly, I think is an arbitrary decision. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but I don’t think you can argue that one is better or worse: it’s a decision to define love a different way, and it’s usually motivated by some desire that one wants to fulfill.

Same thing with monogamy: I believe love is exclusive because I need, I desire a degree of exclusive romantic attention, and so that is part of my definition of love. They’re really just two different, rather arbitrary definitions to fulfill different purposes. Monogamy happens to align with the things I prioritize in a relationship.

Certainly there are many frustrations and difficulties of monogamous relationships - that cannot be denied. Maintaining a successful relationship takes a considerable amount of effort, which not everyone commits to or understands the necessity of. “Alternate” models of love often are created, not just to “combat” institutional binds or inequalities but also as remedies for some traditional inequities and dilemmas - but I think the solutions they offer are just as viable within traditional relationships as outside, and often times, because they require more attention in a “normal” relationship, are actually better for an individual’s self-development as a human being if and only if people are WILLING to invest the time and effort it takes. Which, considering honestly it will often make you a better person who is better at LIFE in general, I’m always shocked at the resistance to intentional living. But, that might just be me…

averageagenderjoe:

Few things I wanna say into the void just to get it off my chest.

1. A child should not ever be a consequence, or a punishment. If you are telling someone pregnant that their pregnancy is a consequence and they brought it upon themselves by having sex, you are part of the problem.
2. Roe V. Wade is mostly gonna affect lower-income folks who are less-able to leave their state or get access to medical care. The wealthy will always have a better chance of getting medical care, including this one.
3. Adoption is a completely different can of worms with thousands of problems—foster care receives very little funding, many of the children in foster care have suffered under their carers, it’s crowded, many of those in it need help they’re not getting, it’s a complicated issue and to simply insist that anybody with a pregnancy can merely place their child up for adoption like it’s some sort of cure-all is downright stupid.
4. On the subject of religion, I’m ~90% sure that Judaism encourages the right to choose, so bringing it up in the context of Christianity in a country that prides itself on the freedom of speech, religion, and assembly makes you sound ignorant at best, and purposely narrow-minded at worst.
5. Childbirth, even when it goes smoothly, is still a traumatic experience, even with the proper medical care, even with a good support system, even if the pregnancy is wanted, even in the toughest parents. Whether that’s natural, or a C-section, at home, in the hospital—it’s a painful, exhausting experience that will change your body greatly.
6. There is no such thing as getting rid of abortion—only getting rid of safe abortions. Desperate people will drink with the intention of killing a fetus they’re not prepared to birth or care for, people will use coat hangers on themselves, people will throw themselves down stairs, turn to inexperienced or out of practice doctors who may not have the proper equipment for this, some may commit suicide.
7. A ban on all abortions means all abortions. This means children, victims of rape, the sick or disabled who may not be able to carry a healthy baby, pregnancies that can’t be carried to term, ecotopic pregnancies, pregnancies that put the carrier’s life in danger, etc. This isn’t about rescuing the unborn lives you think it is—this is the right to medical care and the right to privacy.

Being pro-choice means admitting that it’s not my fucking business why anybody wants an abortion. Whether it’s that they don’t want to be a parent, that they’re physically unable to carry a pregnancy to term, that they’re not ready yet, that it could kill them, that they’re simply scared of labor, that they fear passing on a genetic illness or other they might not be able to properly care for, or even if it just feels like too much work, being pregnant and all.

It doesn’t matter. None of this “I’m pro-life for the rape victim” or anything like that, because every last reason for wanting an abortion is perfectly valid. All of them.

sabertoothwalrus:

why is deciding what to eat so exhausting. I JUST figured that out several hours ago and now I have to do it again?? why can’t I be like a gila monster and eat a large meal and be good for a few months

Business can be your Cinderella Story…

Business can be your Cinderella Story…

Get your business

The rags to riches stories are more than a romantic fairytale love story. Many business owners have stories to share of roughing through hard times, catching a break, and boom, they made it to the success highway of life. The stories never stop there as happily ever after is elusive, and requires consistent work to remain relevant.

Relevance equates to customer interest, need,…

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Drive Your Business Forward!

Drive Your Business Forward!

Get Your BusinessCopyright © 2022 Donna-Luisa Eversley. All Rights Reserved

Its January 2022. How are you doing today?

You are still in the driver’s seat of your life and looking to go somewhere, that takes you to your goals. Every dream needs a plan of action, and every action needs direction and execution.

Your drive is linked with determination and comes from within you – its personal.…

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I rarely know, on a deep level, why I make the decisions I do. Some reasons spring to mind as to why I chose to keep coding rather than arrive on time to a meeting this afternoon, or why I chose to buy myself a large, holographic Spiderman pin from a street vendor last weekend, but overall I find my own decision-making quite difficult to model.

Extending a model to predict the decisions of other people is perhaps ambitious, then, but in the spirit of George Box (“all models are wrong, but some are useful”) I wanted to share one that I’ve found useful lately. Thus:

Our decisions are mostly a function of our identities.

I don’t want to claim this as my own model. I first heard it expressed by Mark Weber, who has written very lovely papers on what he calls the “logic of appropriateness”. Rather than weighing pros and cons, or calculating expected utility, a logical decision is one that answers the subconscious question “What would a person like me do in a situation like this?”

This logic resolves some paradoxes created by rational models of choice. For example, I was surprised to learn that voting is considered a logical paradox in some circles. The paradox stems from the fact that a single vote is very unlikely to influence the outcome of an election. Therefore, the bother of heading down to the polls ought to outweigh the utility of hardly-at-all affecting the results and everyone should stay at home. But then, if everyone stays at home, a single vote suddenly starts to have a lot of power and we should all dash out again!

Now, I don’t see tides of people flowing back and forth between home and the ballot boxes, so clearly “calculated utility of influencing election results” is a poor model. This is confirmed by studies showing that one’s perceived influence only plays a small role in explaining turnout.

One well-studied resolution to the paradox of turnout models voting as an expressive action: expressing our preferences affirms our identities, which makes us feel good, and so we go vote. Adding in the identity factor, we find that the logic of appropriateness resolves the paradox.

Setting aside the concerns of rational choice theorists, I believe this model can be useful on a quotidian scale. My friend Malcolm recently wrote a post in which he described his effort to understand why an artist had to cover his tie-dye designs with a “Berkeley” brand in order to sell them. He concluded that most people didn’t have room in their identity for “wears neon green tie-dye” but could make room for “wears Berkeley shirt, which is tie-dyed in true Berkeley style”. This gave him a pretty good explanation for the artist’s choice.

I’ve been able to use the identity model to make better decisions, despite, as mentioned at the start, lacking a good general sense of why I decide the way I do. You see, my reflexive answer to the titular question often runs along the lines of “a person like me would scroll through Tumblr and eat pastries” (this is apparently a good response to most situations).

By making the question conscious instead of subconscious, I find it easier to dismiss that response as what dopamine or “moment-me” is deciding. Meanwhile, I’m trying to identify more with what I call “meta-me”, the part of my identity that persists beyond spikes in fun neurotransmitters. “Meta-me” is more likely to respond to my life with actions such as, um, finishing up the quizzes for my Coursera course before their looming deadline.

In the past, I’ve often responded to akrasia with guilt, but I find it much more convincing to say “no, a person like me wouldn’t choose to do this, I should stop”. When I ask myself “what would a person like me do in a situation like this?” and then respond with an action that I like, I’m also conditioning my internal logic of appropriateness to make better decisions.

Although my model of decision-making still needs plenty of revision, I feel like the logic of appropriateness is more powerful than any other model I’ve tried.

As misleading as it can be, God put you in the position you are in now because He has better plans. He has His reasons and I tell you, you won’t understand it right here, right now, but sooner or later the answer to all your unanswered questions will flash before your eyes without you even knowing it. Yes, failures hit hard and most of the time you find yourself sulking and crying and blaming yourself for inadvertent things that have happened and is happening in your life. It’s normal. Cry all your tears, sulk all your days and blame for all it’s worth. But promise me, after all the crying, sulking and the blaming, get your shit together and pick yourself back up. You’re one strong little fighter!

Maybe the answer isn’t really “no” but “not now”

Be a firm believer of perfect timing. Each day you plot things according your way. You set goals, priorities and you work your way to achieve those best laid plans. Little did you know that God is also constructing His perfectly designed blueprint for you. When things don’t work out the way you want them to be, you question Him without understanding that He has His own time frame. Everything will work out in His time, not yours.

Reward yourself for trying

No regrets, just lesson learned. At one point, you’ve already won because you tried. You took chances even with the possibility of failing. Rather have a life of “oh wells” than a life of “what ifs”. Failures give us chances to be better and wiser. And you gave yourself that chance. You may have failed now but don’t stop at once. Remember: there would be no Harry Potter nor Apple nor Disney if JK Rowling, Steve Jobs and Walt Disney stopped trying.

You are destined for greater things

It might be a bit vague for you right now and you still wonder why you didn’t make the cut. And as to why it’s happening for everyone else but you. Honestly, I also don’t know the answer to those questions. But I know He does. All I know is that there is something more in store for you out there. His plans are greater than yours. Maybe this company didn’t hire you cos a much bigger company will pirate you. Maybe you didn’t pass the supervisory exam cos sooner or later you will ace that managerial exam everyone’s been dreaming of. Think of the bigger possibilities!

Giving up is your mortal enemy

Justin Bieber might actually be right when he said “Never say never.” Giving up is the last thing you want to do especially when your heart knows this is the dream you want to pursue. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. Don’t stop just because you got scarred. Yes, you’re allowed to scream, you’re allowed to cry. But buddy, you are not allowed to give up. Don’t lose your faith. The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope.

So little fighter, believe things will be brighter. Pull yourself up! It may not happen to you now but stay on track and keep pursuing that dream. Never lose your focus. Look forward to the day that you will finally be able to say “I finally made it.” All efforts will be worth it, I promise you. When that day comes, it will be the most satisfying thing that will fill your heart’s content.

Apparently, this is a heartfelt article especially made for you from a 22 year old girl who just came back home from a failed airline screening.

Quote of the Day- May 25, 2022

Quote of the Day- May 25, 2022

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Knowing what it is you want but not being strong enough to choose it.

Tumblr sent me an email about missing me, lol. It’s just a thought I’m playing around with right now. We’ll see. Many things have changed since I left, I’m not sure if I should pick up where I left off or start anew.

Opinions?

Sometimes

It just doesn’t work. Realise it.

Conserve energy.

Quit.

The universe has another matrix for you- where it works - until it doesn’t.

You outlive your requirement.

universityofkink:

“It’s Not Your Choice”

He had just finished giving me permission to orgasm, and as I turned to my side to allow his arms to wrap around my waist and pull me closer, I felt something taking my attention away from the moment.

“May I?” I asked, half-heartedly without expectations of Him refusing my offer. I slid my hands down his stomach softly without much hesitation.

To my surprise, He wrapped His hand around my wrist and pulled my hand away from His pants. Not in a rough and swift kind of way, but in a gentle, affirming kind of way.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Him: “It was my choice to please you. Don’t feel obligated to return the favor.”

Me: “But I have to, I feel like I’m selfish and wrong if I don’t.”

Him: “But it’s not your choice, it’s mine. And I chose to please you. I am now also choosing to not accept your offer. So you should never feel bad, because it’s my decision, not yours.”

A simple, but yet kind of hard lesson to swallow. I desperately felt the need to please Him, right then and there. Submission is more than offering your service - it’s listening and allowing Him to make the choice for you. And sometimes that’s the hardest part for me as a submissive - allowing Him to take the responsibility of making the decisions.

Devotional Training: His Decision; His Choice.

My boyfriend asked me to move in with him when my lease is up. I have until next summer to think about it, and I’m nervous. He said, “When my roommates move out, I plan on keeping the place empty until you say ‘yes.’”

Ahhhhh.