. The gang end up going to the Fatboy Slim concert while the adults are at a costume party hosted by Janette Joyce, who’s attempting to repair her friendship with Mary and the girls (baby Anna is in the care of a babysitter).
. Everyone is positively buzzing for the concert - well, mostly. This is the first time James and Erin after the Donegal kiss, and like most teens would be, they’re feeling confused as hell and kind of down in the dumps that they most likely can’t be together. Erin being Erin is determined to just shove her feelings down inside and enjoy the concert.
. We all know the gang are dressed as angels for the concert but I think the adults’ costumes would be really fun. Gerry gets roped into being part of a group ABBA costume with Mary, Sarah and Ciaran and Granda Joe tries to incorporate Seamus into his but is stopped by Mary’s insistence that he can’t bring a cat with murderous tendencies to a Halloween party.
. Mary finally gets to hoke inside the Joyce’s house and cannot believe her eyes at the eight bedrooms with en-suites. The sheer size of the kitchen makes her catch her breath.
. It’s hinted that Granda Joe has a heart attack in this episode and while it’s obviously a very serious thing, I think the setup could be really funny. For example, Ciaran and Sarah have been going steady for about a year now, so what if he decides to take the leap at this party and propose? And at the exact moment he does and he and Sarah and everyone else is celebrating, Granda Joe clutches his chest and collapses. Luckily Janette’s husband Richard is able to give him something from his medical bag while the ambulance is called and Gerry is sent out to find the girls.
. Back at the concert things are not going great for Erin. She’s trying to enjoy herself but just can’t get that kiss out of her head. The rest of the girls are having the time of their lives (and I’ll think we’ll see Claire meet a love interest!) and suddenly she sees James across the room chatting with a girl. They go off to dance and something just snaps in Erin and she storms out on the verge of tears. As we’ve seen from the photos James follows her and they have an argument - Erin says she knows she said they couldn’t be together but not because she doesn’t feel the same way, because of what Michelle said and the repercussions it could have and maybe if they weren’t in Derry it would be different and James clearly feels the same but because of their situation they’re sort of in an impossible situation.
And Erin is about to say something else when they get interrupted by Gerry in full ABBA attire racing down the hallway towards them, and he fills them in on what’s happened to Joe and they have to gather the rest of the gang and get to the hospital.
. When they arrive everyone’s a mess. Poor Ciaran is sitting in the waiting room with Sarah patting his shoulder while he’s having hysterics about accidentally killing his future father-in-law and Mary’s pacing up and down the room with a death grip on her rosary. Orla (who I’m 100% certain is autistic) is quickly overwhelmed by the confusing scene and has to be comforted by the girls. They spend two full hours waiting in agonising silence, all the while Erin’s thoughts being bombarded with horrible possibilities and outcomes and she can’t face losing her grandad so she just gets up and walks away as fast as she can. She doesn’t even know where’s she going until she hears James calling out behind her, having followed her to make sure she’s okay and she wants to tell him to go away, that she can’t deal with their shit on top of all of this but instead she just… crumbles. She cries harder than she ever has before and James just immediately pulls her into a hug and comforts her while she lets its all out. And when she’s finally done she just looks up at him and says she can’t wait. She doesn’t want to after what’s just happening, life’s too fucking short, and grabs his face and they kiss in the empty hallway.
. Meanwhile, the doctor finally comes out and informs everyone that it turns out Ciaran did not in fact accidentally kill Joe, but that Joe has a genetic disease that causes clogged arteries combined with the fact that he ate too many cheese cubes at the party. He also tells them Joe will be waking up in a few minutes and they’re welcome to sit in his room until then. Ciaran nearly sobs with relief before realising with a degree of horror that now Joe’s not dead, he may very well kill him for proposing to Sarah
. Mary goes off to find Gerry, who’s getting tea for everyone and missed the news that Joe’s stable. After navigating the maze of corridors and rooms she goes through a door and to her surprise finds her husband, standing still as a statue, peering round the corner and into a hallway. She approaches him to tell him the news but is quickly shushed by a shocked Gerry, who responds to her bewildered look by just pointing down the hall to the figures of their daughter and the wee English fella wrapped in each other’s arms and kissing passionately.
. For a good minute neither of them know what to say, until Gerry remarks that maybe they should give them a few minutes before breaking the news about Joe. They attempt to make a sneaky exit and tiptoe away but Gerry accidentally stubs his foot on a bin and manages to knock the entire thing over with a very loud clang in perfect Derry Girls comedic timing, which alerts Erin and James to their presence. Erin is just about up to here with people walking in on her and James shifting and just shouts,
“For God’s sake, is there no such thing as privacy?!”
To which Mary retorts that they’re in a public hospital. Meanwhile Gerry’s brain has gone completely blank, still shocked by the image of his daughter snogging the face off James fecking Maguire, so he just does the first thing that comes to mind, grabs James’s hand and starts shaking it vigorously. And James and Erin can only stare at him in absolute confusion until Mary yanks his hand away and asks what the hell he’s doing, to which he responds he just panicked She rolls her eyes at her eejit husband and says they’ll discuss whatever the feck’s happening between James and Erin later, and marches the trio back to Granda Joe’s room.
. Granda Joe is now awake but absolutely flying on the morphine. He’s convinced he’s in heaven due to the fact that five angels appear to have congregated around his bed, and keeps asking if God would allow him to bring Seamus the cat with him to eternity. That is, until Gerry enters the room and he remarks that this must be some strange version of hell. Michelle nearly chokes trying to keep her laughter in. Ciaran keeps hovering nervously by the edge of the room until Joe nods towards him and says to Sarah that her fella’s a disaster at proposing but if he makes her happy he supposes he can learn to tolerate him.
. That’s all I’ve got! Feel free to add to this and comment your feedback:)
. After the kiss in Donegal and everything Erin and James are pretty down in the dumps. The school leavers’ disco is coming up and Erin doesn’t even feel like going.
. The adults have the class of 77’ reunion dance on the same night and Mary is shitting herself, she’s going to see all the girls from her old class and is worried it’ll look like she’s done nothing with her life being a 40-something housewife trying to go back to college. Sarah is mainly focused on looking her best in front of her old classmates and drinking enough to get through the night.
. Erin is eventually convinced to go by Michelle who’s secretly gotten David Donnelly to take her to the disco. A while ago she’d have been over the moon at this news but to the gang and her family’s surprise she’s not that bothered. Gerry definitely suspects something is up with his daughter, he’s noticed she’s been acting differently since Donegal.
. In the flashback scenes to the 1977 leavers’ disco we see the old gang - Deirdre Mallon, Sister Michael, Mary and Sarah and Clare’s mum. Michelle’s mum was exactly like her in her youth, sporting a grungey look, getting into shenanigans and sneaking booze into the dance. Sister Michael as a teen is shockingly optimistic and sweet, and kind of the innocent one of the group.
. Young Mary and Gerry end up having an adorable meet-cute at the dance and it’s very similar to James and Erin because parallels
. At the current leavers’ disco Erin and James end up going with different dates but my poor babies are miserable.
. The DJ/band plays an absolute 90s bop and a slow song (I’m thinking “Time After Time” or “Africa” by Toto) and the entire slow dance Erin and James are dancing with their dates just wishing it could be the other person.
. Some of the ladies at the 77’ reunion are kind of bitchy to Mary and Sarah and poor Mary loses her nerve a bit. Luckily Deirdre Mallon, Sister Michael and the rest of the old gang are there and quickly put the others in their place.
. It ends on a pretty poignant note with a final flashback scene - maybe Mary and Gerry have a kiss or he walks her home or something but then when she gets in on the news there’s been a bombing or some other Troubles stuff and we’re reminded just how dangerous this shit got in the 70s. As for Erin and James they exchange a few polite words and go their separate ways but there’s still so much left unspoken and we get a good dose of teen angst and the episode ends on a properly angsty 90s tune, etc “Like A Friend” by Pulp
. 3:55am - Mary, Gerry, James and Erin arrive at Altnagelvin Hospital. It’s started to snow heavily again, so Erin, Mary and James are dropped off near the front and Gerry is instructed to go park the car while they check in. Inside, they’re greeted by Deirdre Mallon coming off a night shift. Deirdre is by no means a sentimental or overly emotional woman, but ever since her sister basically abandoned her only child in Derry she and her husband Martin have become parental figures to James. They announced Erin was pregnant by James giving them a card reading, “You’re Going To Be Grandparents!” with a tiny sonogram photo from the first scan tucked inside. Deirdre was so astonished she teared up the tiniest bit, but that’s a secret she’s taking to her grave.
. She does congratulate her nephew and Erin and says she’ll visit later when the baby’s born, before turning to James and telling him sternly, “Look after her and for God’s sake don’t bloody faint like Martin did with our Michelle.”
.Once Deirdre has headed home they go on to the check-in desk, where after giving their names the nurse informs them once they fill in the paperwork they’ll be taken up to a private room. Erin and James are very surprised at this as they didn’t ask for one (usually because there’s none/very few available) and turn around to see Mary standing behind them looking like the cat who’s got the cream. Turns out as soon as she knew Erin was in labour, she rang Janette Joyce, whose husband works at the hospital (and who she’s close friends with now) and called in a wee favour
. Once they’re settled in, a very jolly and plump midwife in her 50’s strolls in and introduces herself as Brenda. She examines Erin and to Erin’s disappointment, she’s only 3cm dilated. She sees Erin’s face fall, pats her on the shoulder and assures her they won’t send her home, it’ll just be a while before things get moving. Mary vouches for this; childbirth is exciting and everything but it’s also one of most uncomfortable, inconvenient and boring experiences of her life. Naturally, Erin’s not exactly thrilled by her ma’s sage advice.
.4:06am - Gerry arrives, having finally parked the car and trekked inside, dusted liberally in snow. Mary is sat in the chair next to Erin’s bed reading a book from home, James is pacing up and down the room constantly asking Erin if she’s okay, does she need anything, etc. Gerry immediately notices James is looking very panicky, and decides to do something about it.
Gerry: I’m gonna go and get some teas. James, you want to give me a hand?
James: *Is still pacing, hasn’t even heard Gerry*
Mary: *confused* What? I’ve a flask of tea in me bag.
Gerry: Right. I…I meant coffee, love. Coffee. We could all do with some caffeine.
Mary: You hate coffee, Gerry.
Gerry: *scoffs nervously* No I don’t.
Mary: Yes you do, the first time you tried it you gagged and said it tasted like you were drinking petrol.
Erin: Aye, and I can’t have that, Daddy. I can’t have anything but fecking ice right now.
Gerry: …Right. *Trying to think of an excuse* Well, even so, you didn’t bring cups, did you love? For the tea. No cups, Mary, how could you forget, eh? So we’ll just head down to the canteen for some, and James’ll help, won’t you, son?
Mary: *confused AF* You need help carrying four plastic cups?
Gerry: Yes I do. Getting on in years and all that. Off we go, James!
James: Sorry, what’s happening?
Gerry:Be back in a few! *Quickly grabs James by the shoulder and speedwalks them out of the room*
*Erin and Mary exchange bewildered looks*
Mary: What is wrong with him?
*James and Gerry in a lift*
James: *fidgeting nervously* I should probably go back… Erin’ll be needing me.
Gerry: Mary’s with her, they’ll be grand.
James: Yeah, I know, but I should still be in there… to help and stuff.
Gerry: The lift’s closed now, might as well head on to the canteen. We’ll only be a few minutes.
James: *clearly unsure* I suppose…
*awkward silence*
Gerry: You, uh, feeling alright about all this?
James: Yeah, yeah. Fine. Totally fine.
Gerry: Mhm. Only I couldn’t help but notice you were looking a bit… jumpy in there.
James: *starting to look uncomfortable* Jumpy? Me? No, no, I’m fine… All good.
Gerry: James.
James: *sighs* …We’re not really going to get cups, are we?
Gerry: No. I just figured I should get you out of there before you paced a hole in floor, maybe if you wanted to talk…
James: What? Talk about what? *talking faster and is now visibly frustrated and panicking* About how for the past nine months I have been doing all this preparation for being a dad, all the parenting books, all the doctors’ appointments and following all the advice? About how despite doing all that I am still absolutely shit scared that none of it’s going to matter and I’m going to be just like my own mother, who was such a bad parent that she abandoned me, came back to use me for her fucking sticker company, and then left again?! And now it’s all happening, it’s actually happening, and soon I’m going to be responsible for a tiny little person that I have to somehow not fuck up and I’m not ready, Gerry! I’m not!*Hyperventilates* I-I can’t breathe!
Gerry: Look, son, it’s alright, you’re just having a panic attack. It’s okay. Take a few deep breaths and try to calm down. *Pats James on the shoulder*
James: *Still hyperventilating while leaning against lift wall* I don’t think I can!
Gerry: James, these are all totally normal fears - well, apart from the stuff with your mother, I know that’s complicated. But every new parent feels like this, I promise.
James:Do they? Do they really?!Just an hour ago, the carseat cut me while I was installing it. *Holds up bandaged finger* It cut me like I owed it money, Gerry. And now all I can think is, that thing can’t possibly be safe for a baby but it’s too late, the stupid thing’s already in there, mocking me, saying, “You bought a death trap for your baby that will slice it to ribbonsthe second you strap them in,and also you’re going to be a terrible fatherwho will fail your child in every possible way!” Oh, and I didn’t even think to install the bastard carseat before now, no, I forgot all about it and then had to do it when my wife told me she was in labour in the middle of the night! I can’t be the perfect father and husband Erin and the baby need!
Gerry: *scoffs in disbelief* What are you on about? Of course you’re not going to be perfect at it!
*James has finally calmed down a little and turns to stare at Gerry*
James: *sarcastically* Jesus Christ! Thanks a lot, that helps!
Gerry: What I mean is, you don’tneed to be. You’re doing something new, and quite frankly, absolutely terrifying.I mean, I’ve been at this dad thing for 28 years. I’ve one grown up daughter and the other nearing the teenage years, which, based on her sister’s are going to be a barrel of fecking laughs, and I still feel like I’ve no idea what I’m doing most of the time. But that’s okay. You make mistakes, learn from them, and keep on trying.And just pray they don’t turn out to be murderers or arseholes.
James: *shakes head* But Erin seems so calm and ready for all this compared to me. I mean, how is she not having an complete and utter breakdown like I am? It’s unnatural!
Gerry: Well, I suppose she’s just had a lot of time to get used to the idea. Mary was the same, really. Just went with the flow. *sighs heavily* There’s old this saying… “Women become mothers when they’re pregnant, and men become fathers when their child is born”. I didn’t really believe it at first, to be honest. Thought it was some old wives tale. I didn’t feel scared, just… excited. *pauses for a moment* And then Erin was born. There she was, this tiny wee thing all wrapped up in her blanket and looking up at me with those massive eyes… and it suddenly hit me that I was a da to this little girl. Someone she’d be depending on and looking to for, well, everything, her whole life. Someone to make her feel safe, comfort her when she was sad, teach her right from wrong and give her the right tools to grow up into her own person. *pauses and looks at James* And I had no idea how I was going to do that. It was scariest feeling I’d ever had. When we brought her home that first night, I lay awake for hours, trying to wrap my head around it. Trying to figure out how the hell I was going to be up to the task.
James: …You really felt that way?
Gerry: Really. And it’s okay for you to feel a bit overwhelmed. Just don’t forget you can do this.Trust me, you are not your mam. I’ve known you for a long time now, and I know you’re not the type of lad that just gives up on something when it’s hard. You’re loyal, you’re kind and responsible, and you’ve proved that to me time and time again. You showed up to take Erin to the school dance when that horrible lad stood her up, you got everyone to Donegal and back safely - well, minus what might have been a concussion from being hit by a parked van - you’ve always stood up for what’s right, had your friends’ backs… You’re one of the good ones, James. You just need to remember it, and tell Erin about all these worries and doubts you’re having, for God’s sake. No point in bottling it up. *shrugs* And to be honest, she’s a smart girl. She’s probably already picked up on it herself. Trust me, Erin’s not made of steel, even if she acts like it. She’s probably nervous and very scared too, she just puts on a brave front because she’s stubborn and it’s who she is. You’ll feel much better if the two of you communicate and work it out together, and just keep trying your best. That strategy turned out alright for Mary and me. *pauses and smiles at James* You and Erin’ll be great parents. I know it.
James: *long pause before smiling back and sighing in relief* Thanks, Gerry. I mean it. You know, you’re really quite wise.
Gerry: *smirks* Can you put that in writing for Joe?
James: *laughs loudly*
Gerry: Come here. *pulls James into a hug*
*At the same moment the lift doors ding open to reveal a small group of people, who stare in confusion/surprise at the them hugging. James and Gerry soon notice and quickly separate, looking embarrassed.*
Gerry: *awkwardly clears throat* Morning, all.
*The people file into the lift and the doors close*
That’s the end of Part 2, everybody! Please comment your feedbackHope you enjoyed it, and Part 3 will be up soon:)
. In 2008, Erin and James are expecting their first child. It’s early January, Erin is ten days past her due date and absolutely sick and tired of being pregnant. Plus, Derry has been hit with a record-breaking snowfall over Christmas that’s iced over every possible surface, meaning she can’t so much as walk down her own driveway to collect the post without James hovering nervously beside her and insisting she be careful.
.Despite the discomfort of being ten days overdue, Erin is surprisingly calm about becoming a parent. James, on the other hand, is a nervous wreck, mostly due to the complete absence of a real parental figure for most of his life. For the past nine months he’s been obsessively reading baby books, panic-buying dummies (pacifiers for the American readers), onesies and an unfeasible amount of nappies, currently stuffed into a cupboard in the upstairs hallway.
. On January 8th, Erin starts getting aches and odd feelings from around 6pm onwards, but doesn’t think anything of it and goes to bed. At 1am on January 9th she wakes up and realises she’s having proper contractions, but she doesn’t even bother waking James due to her ma’s advice that labour takes forever and she’ll have a few hours before it’s time to go to the hospital. She does send Mary a quick text to let her know things are starting.
.At 2:33am in the Quinn house, Gerry is woken up by noises in the kitchen. He wanders downstairs to find Mary in her dressing gown and slippers, making piles of cheese sandwiches and filling a travel flask with tea.
Gerry: *very confused and sleepy* What’shappening…?
Mary: For the car ride, keep up, Gerry! The awkward bastards aren’t gonna let her eat at hospital!
.At 3am at Erin and James’s house, James is woken up by his wife, who turns on the bedside lamp and calmly informs him that her contractions are starting to get closer together and they should probably get ready to go to the hospital. He then proceeds to jump out of bed shouting, “Oh my God, IT’S TIME” and frantically looks for the hospital bag and attempts to get dressed at the same time until Erin has to grab him by the shoulders and remind him to breathe.
. 3:10am - Erin is dressed and struggling to put her shoe on until she eventually just gives up and decides to go with slippers (they’ll be much comfier, anyway). James has had to go outside into the freezing winter morning to pour boiling water from the kettle over the car windshield, which has iced over in the night.
. 3:15am - Erin sends a text into the “Derry Girls” group chat letting the rest of the gang know that they’re headed to the hospital, but it’ll probably be a while and she’ll message later when they know more. James, meanwhile, has been fighting with the heavy, overly complicated carseat which requires a lot of adjusting and fiddling to get it installed. There was one moment where he accidentally caught his finger in one of the attachment parts and it bled, and he genuinely considered just throwing the stupid thing off the nearest cliff.
. 3:20 - The bastard carseat is finally installed, James’s finger has a plaster on it, the car is packed and they’re ready to set off for the hospital.
James: *In the car, driving at approximately 5 miles an hour because road safety is life* Okay, I’ve got the carseat, hospital bag, map… Is that everything? I swear I’m forgetting someth-
*Slowly looks across to the empty passenger seat *
James: Oh, shit!
(Shot of James’s car reversing speedily back down the street, coming to a stop in front of their house with Erin standing by the gate, her arms folded and looking unimpressed.)
Erin: *Gets in the car*
James: *Opens his mouth to apologise*
Erin: Just drive.
. They arrive at the Quinn house at 3:25am, greeted by Mary and Gerry shuffling out the front door bundled up in winter coats and knitwear, Mary toting a large bag filled to the brim with sandwiches and other supplies. They get in the car and head for the hospital, James driving painstakingly slow because of the weather and Mary attempting to force-feed Erin cheese sandwiches en-route while talking excitedly about how she’s going to be a granny. Gerry falls fast asleep in the back seat and is rudely awoken ten minutes later by Mary shaking his shoulder and the sound of his daughter groaning in pain mid-contraction. Mary warns him if he dares fall asleep again instead of being useful and comforting his child, he’ll never hear the end of it. He spends the rest of journey holding Erin’s hand and trying to keep his eyes open.
That’sall for now, I will post Part 2 of possibly my longest headcanon yet soon:) Enjoy!
