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Post partum depression

Something a lot of mothers endure but are afraid to talk about it. It’s 100% real. I never had it with my girls until I recently had Tallulah. It started out with me being so stingy with her— to the point, I wouldn’t even allow my husband to hold her. I cried just by looking at her because she was growing so fast. I thought at first it was from me breastfeeding because that was also something new to me, specially breastfeeding this long. It’s taking a toll on me mentally and physically and it’s literally draining the life out of me. It’s affecting my children because they can sense and feel that mommy isn’t okay. It’s taking time away from them. I cry daily. I over think every single thing possible and then I question every thing I’m over thinking. I beat myself up to the point, I feel like I’m a failure. I never knew how hard post partum depression can hit and how much it can affect you and that was mostly because I’ve always suffered from depression but since having children, it’s eased up. A lot. — Luckily, I was up front and honest right off the bat when I went to see my OB because I knew I needed help. I need to be a happy momma, for not only myself but for my children too. I’ve become so envious of those that don’t have trouble with breastfeeding (having to supplement), those that get sleep and don’t seem depressed but then I also remember, everyone deals with things differently and just because they aren’t struggling in ways I am, doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling at something. (To those that are, you are not alone).

Being a mother is hard and it’s even harder when you set yourself up to fail by comparing yourself to (what may seem like) “perfect pattys” on social media. We all lose our shit a time or two and that’s okay. We aren’t meant to be perfect. We’re meant to make mistakes but we also learn from those mistakes. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to seek professional help. It’s okay to supplement. It’s okay to breastfeed in public. It’s okay to formula feed. It’s okay to parent differently than the next. — What’s not okay is, shaming mothers who do anything differently than you. What’s not okay is, telling a mother who is suffering from post partum depression, that it’s all in her head and she needs to push through it… (Like we aren’t already trying that.) and lastly, What’s not okay is, comparing yourself to other mothers because no matter how you feed your child, what you choose to bathe your child with, whether you cloth diaper or baby wear— as long as you’re doing your job as a mother and you and baby are healthy, then you’re doing something pretty great.

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PLEASE if any of my fellow mamas suffer from PPD, please don’t hesitate to seek/ask for help. There is nothing wrong with that, I promise. It doesn’t make you a bad mother or person. Message me if you feel comfortable.

And mamas, remember— A bad day does NOT mean a bad life.