#mtf transition

LIVE

Haven’t done one these timelines for a while and possibly won’t for a long time again, since I’ve spent so long trying to outrun my past self and at this point really don’t want to be continually associated with the person I never wanted to be in the first place.


I’m still not to my final destination, but I’m getting closer and closer and am, at the very least, proud of myself for having the will power to blow up what many would consider a good life (though it was a hollow facade to me) and push through losing family, friends, work relationships, etc to find myself.


Over these last couple years I’ve cried a lot. And then cried some more. The feeling of having people hate you for no other reason than just that they do is tough, especially when nothing you do or say can change it. I’ve probably spent way too much time focusing on it in my posts, since I’m the type of person who can’t sleep when I ever feel like someone thinks I’ve somehow wronged them. But, at least for the moment, I’m more okay with what I can’t control. The hippie in me will always long for a kinder world, but the realist knows that many people can’t help how they feel due to how they were raised or media or politicians or whatever. So life’s too short to spend more time dwelling than need be.


I only ever took so long to start this journey because I was deathly afraid of facing that world and those people. And it wasn’t until suicide seemed like the better option than continuing my old life that I decided to at least try being me for once. Because death is permanent. And when it comes for us, none of that other shit matters anyway. So in the meantime I decided to fight with everything I’ve had to make who I’ve wanted to be a reality.


Honestly looking back at my old pics is almost surreal at this point. But getting to where I am seemed impossible before I started. And so just as I found many of these timelines from others inspirational at one point, I hope others in a similar position can realize they have one life and, as long as they are kind, can live it in a way that makes them happy. Fuck what others think. Be you.

Hi. I moved. Went back to school. Darkened my hair. It’s been a few months since I logged in.

I think I’m going stop posting and take down my blog here. I feel like tumblr is dead.

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