#my rambles

just watched everything everywhere all at once i dont think i can ever watch any other movie ever again

this is my trans masc superwholock

Why is writing the first scene in Chapter 23 so freaking hard? I was so excited for it but nothing seems to flow right. Like it is too dramatic but at the same time not dramatic enough and I have no idea how that conversation should go. It doesn’t seem genuine for some reason and I don’t know what to do about it.

There we go, the Leon post was fixed, I can go crash now

I used the best version, and no, I’m not talking about the remake

Me: You need to work on your queue

Also me: I must fix this post from a month ago

I filled up the queue for tomorrow! Sorry I took such a long, sudden break, but I got pretty busy, and my schedule got all messy, and I may have dived into a new fandom but shhh

Either way, I’m gonna do my best to continue daily posts! Thank you for for your patience!

Why most of my POI drawings are not posted up here anymore.

Some people may be interested in this, and some maybe gauged the answer through certain contexts. Either way, I think this answer has been due for a year, so I’ll just address it while it’s fresh in my head.

The main reason: I don’t really feel comfortable sharing it here.

Not because of art theft or the people in the POI fandom, none of those sort of reasons apply. I’m sure people from the POI fandom are nice and welcoming, and my drawings are not really that great to be stolen (my self esteem talking, I’m still aware of the arguments against this). It’s just that I’ve joined the POI fandom since August 2015, starting from other social networks, such as Twitter. I did try to engage further with Tumblr, but I realize it’s harder for me to get into the fandom on this platform due to my own preferences. My preferences involve subjecting the characters in the OTP to the perhaps silly and now unpopular ‘top/bottom’ formula, wherein it’s apparent that mine is stapled on the idea of Reese/Finch.

I’ve been in many fandoms in the past, and this have not caused much of a problem to me, but perhaps in this fandom, it’s where I realize the distance of my preferences and understanding with the general trend. Associated with this would be the still prevalent form of ‘top/bottom’ shipping on other platforms, and thence I feel more involved and accepted in those than I would here.

Further than that, it’s obvious that my drawings are not really that POI-ish. They’re usually deemed as adorable and peculiar in their ideas (because I couldn’t control myself with AUs). Again, it strays very far from the concept and theme of POI itself. And again, I feel that they don’t really feel at home on Tumblr because of the gulf (in which I perceive) in the theme between the fanworks. I deem my work as silly and couldn’t be taken seriously, and I’m always nervous when I post it on Tumblr because it feels too out of place.

Some may think that I’m just looking for a place to accommodate myself better. That’s true. All in all, obviously it’s my own issues that hindered me from engaging further with Tumblr. I could barely go through any fanworks without thinking ‘what if it’s not what I expected?’ because my concerns contradicts a general norm in the fandom. Does that imply in any way whatsoever that either of us should prevail? Not at all. The POI fandom here is fine on its own, to end my frets, I just have to move to another platform that is better suited to my end.

And maybe another factor is I don’t feel obliged in sharing my art up here, ultimately. It’s a fandom thing all over again, where an obligation to share fanwork on a platform because it can be shared with the desired audience. I don’t think my work is required here, there are plenty of other amazing works around. Not saying that they’re required at other places, but my desired audiences are there, and knowing that my work reached them is important to me. I really thank those on Tumblr that made the effort to follow me on Twitter! I’m really sorry if it caused you any inconveniences, but that’s where I feel more at home, and you’re welcome to visit anytime you’d like.

And well, one of the most recent example of how conflicted I am with my work and Tumblr/AO3 is the ABO fanfic I posted yesterday. I didn’t put any notice on Tumblr regarding it’s posting and I tried to keep it low-key on AO3, so that it won’t cause any discomfort to the general audiences for the ship up there. In the end, I still tagged the ship (many hours later) because it just doesn’t weigh right for me? I feel that I’m not doing something right, like I do wish to share some of my works with Tumblr/AO3 yet there’s the idea that they don’t really fit. I thought of resolving this by just not posting anything POI-related on Tumblr/AO3 ever but that’s not really proportionate. I don’t really write POI fanfics (I wrote more last year) because most of the people I interact with are not native in the language. Posting it on a foreign language platform is silly when obviously there’s Tumblr/AO3. 

Well, but all of these came from my own insecurity. And that’s the most important part. Sotl;dr, that’s the answer right there. I hope I didn’t offend anyone in this weird post, I’m still thinking about the whole matter in my head as I write this and it’s just such an odd situation that I put myself in. Thanks for reading and have a nice day.

i just wanted to stay home and ready today but no! i have to work this fucking 9-5 job that i despise

im at such a weird stage of my life. i dont like where/who i am but im also okay with the fact that im doing absolutely nothing to change it. its like, yeah life sucks but if i can have an hour of joy a day by reading a book/fic then i guess its fine