#namjoon oneshot
Namjoon and you have been broken up for months and you thought that you were healing and moving on from a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. But then you hear that Namjoon is seeing someone else and is going public about it and all the old wounds come back.
Warning this does not have a happy ending.
“The big topic of discussion today is leader and rapper Kim Namjoon from BTS,” the radio announcer’s voice blares through the speakers of your car. Your friend sitting in the passenger seat beside you leans forward to change the station. But you stop her.
“It’s fine. We’ve been broken up for months now. I can handle hearing about him and his members going on tour or having his own album being released.” Watching you closely they lower their hand as the radio announcer continues to go on about all the things that Namjoon and the rest of his members are up to.
“But with all this exciting news the real excitement is that Namjoon is the first member to come out publicly about his relationship. Namjoon and his girlfriend were seen in America together where he proudly announced that he was dating.” Your hands tighten on the steering wheel, your heart starts to race, and you feel the familiar sting of tears forming.
You try to calm yourself down and tell yourself that it’s fine that it doesn’t matter but they keep talking about him and her. This woman who is not you. They keep talking about how happy Namjoon looked to have her on his arm and what a beautiful couple they make, and how they are wishing the best for the two of them. Thankfully your friend knows that while you may be ready to hear talk about him this is something that you are not ready to hear about. They change the station and start to ask you how you are but you quickly cut them off.
“We don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.” You rush out. Right now you need to just focus on keeping it together and not losing it while you’re driving. You just need to make it to your apartment and then you can lose it.
“Okay,” she hedges, “but you know that you’re better off without him. He never treated you the way you deserved.”
“I know.” You croak out. Deep down you do know that you deserved better than what Namjoon gave you but you love and it hurts that he doesn’t love you back.
You’re not sure how you manage to make it to your parking garage and to your apartment without bursting into tears. Then somehow you manage to convince your friend that you are fine and that you will not think about him at all. That you are fine, good, great even because you are moving on just like he clearly has. It’s all a lie, you are not okay at all. As soon as you’re alone you’re on social media looking up everything you can about them.
There isn’t a lot out there about the two of them but there’s enough. Enough to learn that they have known each other for years. That the two of you have admitted that there was almost something between you. And it crushes you to read that because all you had ever wanted was for him to love you but all he wanted was her. He didn’t care about your heart or even wanted it. He has always wanted her and her heart. Slamming your laptop close you grab your purse and get into your car.
It’s silly, maybe even a little crazy what you are doing but you need answers and you need them from Namjoon. You need to know why he was so fast to let the two of you go for her. What makes her so special compared to you. Because you had given him everything, every part of you. You had spent most of your relationship trying to make everything between the two of you work and to get him to just love you back. But it always felt like he was holding back from you and you need to know if it was because of her.
Parking outside his building you continue to ride this wave of courage that has suddenly over taken your body and ride it all the way up to his apartment and ring his doorbell over and over. He might not even be home you think as no one comes to answer the door. He’s probably working or might not even be in the country. Turning to leave the elevator doors open and out walks Namjoon. He’s casually dressed in sweatpants, a tight white t-shirt, and baseball cap. In his one hand are a bouquet of flowers. His eyes widen in surprise when he sees you.
“Y/n what are you doing here?” He stands outside the elevator like he’s unsure if he wants to approach you or dive quickly back into the elevator.
“I…I don’t know the reason was stupid really. I should be going.” You rush past him and tap the call button for the elevator.
“Y/n come on you clearly came here for something.” You can feel the heat of his body next to you. Looking up at him he gives you a gentle smile and it’s enough to make his dimple appear and it makes your heart squeeze.
“Do you love her,” the words pour out of your mouth and you don’t regret them because the pain you are feeling needs to end.
Namjoons shoulder slump, he takes a step back from you, and looks like he’s about to give you an excuse but you don’t want excuses. You want answers. You want to know why you weren’t enough and what makes her so different from you.
“Just answer the question. I deserve to know. After everything that has happened between the two of us the least you can do is be honest with me now!” Raising your voice this might be the first time that you have ever really stood up to him and demanded answers.
“Yes, I love her,” He confirms, a part of you was hoping that he didn’t or was unsure about his feelings. Tears streaming down your face you quickly wipe them away, “I think that she might be the one.”
A choked laugh escapes your lips and if you weren’t being ripped apart all over again you would have tried to stop it but, why bother because it’s obvious with the way he’s talking about her and the look on his face that she’s the one. He has never looked at you the way he looks now. It hurts to see it because you would have done just about anything to have him look like that when talking about you.
“I’m not trying to hurt you,” Namjoon whispers and you know that he’s being honest but that doesn’t take any of the hurt out of it.
“I was never going to be enough was I? It was always her! God I was so stupid,” you cry trying to keep it together. Namjoon takes a step towards you. Holding up your hand to stop him and lock eyes with him again.
“You don’t get to comfort me. Not in this situation. I gave up so much for you Namjoon and I deserved to be loved but you wouldn’t.” It comes out cold and Namjoon flinches at the sound of your voice.
“That’s not fair. It wasn’t like you made our relationship easy!” Protest Namjoon. Rolling your eyes you hit the call button again.
“Seriously?” You glare at Namjoon, “All I wanted was for you to try Namjoon. To put in even half of what I was putting into the relationship but you wouldn’t do that. All you did was give me excuses.” You tell him. The elevator pings behind you. Getting in you place your hand over the door when Namjoon calls out to you.
“I tried Y/n I really did try to love you.” He tells you.
“Did you? Because all you did was leave me in the dust and get her flowers.” WIth that last statement you let the doors close and feel crack in your heart completely break.
