#observances
I’m sitting in the corner, on a bench on our back porch, alternating between reading chapters of a book and scrolling through Twitter. The book is 383 pages long and about as thick as both of my oddly shaped thumbs placed side by side. I’m on page 345, and it’s only taken me 3 hours total of reading time to get there. I’ll probably finish it after dinner.
I’m wearing denim shorts, a periwinkle blue pocket T-shirt, and black crew socks. There’s a small but prominent bruise on my left knee, all green and purple, and I can’t recall how I got it. It looks worse than it feels (which is to say, it feels like nothing at all but looks like everything).
I can see the street from my perch, and the traffic going by. My neighbor to the left has been brushing a wooden board with a stiff brush. Why, I don’t know, but it’s taken her about 30 minutes so far. Behind me is our yard, if you can call it that, about 5 yards wide and 25 long. A rabbit nibbles the grass, its’ back legs hunched up and ready to spring at any moment. I can smell pasta and sauce from somewhere nearby. The direction is undetermined.
Every once in a while I’ll put down both phone and book and just look at the sky. It’s blue today, with lots of thick, white clouds shaded by a light slate color. Despite the slight breeze, the clouds don’t seem to be moving much.
These are all the things I know in this moment, have noticed passively without giving much thought until I began to type it out. It’s amazing how much one can notice without really paying attention. Yet I’m all too aware of the passing moments.
There’s something more, as I look at those clouds. A nagging feeling deep in my chest, and if I give it much thought, it will feel like too much. But as I look up I can’t help but wonder: does everyone always feel this way, even when happy? Does everyone always feel this pain of sad without a reason for it? And does everyone always feel this lonely?
~A.G. 8/5/19