#old life

“Sometimes, life is fucking hard. It’s unforgivable and ruthless. I know it’s not supposed to be easy, but I can’t help but to think about the what if’s. What if my life could somehow change into something else? What if people who used to be close to me came back? What if. What if. What if.

Destructive and intrusive thoughts keep me awake at night. My mind replays the past over and over and over again. Places I wish I could go back to. People I wish to talk to again. Memories to drown myself in. Moments as a teenager, whether good or bad, to find solace again. What if I could revisit those times? What would I do? What if. What if. What if.

Sometimes I wish I could talk to those I still love. Old friends. Old lovers. Distant family. I still care about people who’ve done me wrong. It must be the way that I’m wired because I still care about all those who’ve entered and left my life. What if I could talk to them again? What would I say? What would they say? What if. What if. What if.”

—S.V//What If//@sempiternal.poet on Instagram