#overheard at catholic school
Student 1: I have a pickup line.
Student 2: What is it?
Student 1: “I go to [adjacent boys’ school].”
“My brother wants to open a bar and call it “Your Mom’s” so that on weekends he can say, ‘I’m going to Your Mom’s.’”
-CS
Student 1: Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.
Student 2: That’s racist.
MCM: Did they cancel Google?
SCP or KP: What if we woke up tomorrow and Google was gone?
JS: Then there’d be millions of searches on Bing saying “what happened to Google?”
MCM: Why are you blue? Do not be blue. You’re still BLUE!
SCP: That’s racist.
MCM: (playing flash games on the school computer)
MCM: Ooh, “Elsa’s Prom Dress Designer”!
SCP: That looks PROMising.
“Take a literal stab at it.”
—RG (Mr. M’s whiteboard)
“Baghdad is the capitol of Berlin.”
—Unknown
LP: I have no eyebrows.
SCP: Tattoo them on.
LP: I don’t want to.
SCP: Wear caterpillars on your face.
“I’m telling you, my brain is (still) in Florida.”
—probably LP
CS: Can you help me with this?
Mr. D: Can we do it at lunch?
CS: Why? You’re not doing anything right now.
Class:ooohh!
Mr. D: Just like you everyday.
Class:OOOHH!
Mr. D: You really want to play, little girl?
CS: Yes I do, big boy!
Mr. D: Sitting on the ground is not part of the plan.
JB: She’s helping me.
Mr. D: To what? Get up?
Mr. D: Somehow I don’t think the orange-eating correlates with the math-completing.
JB: It’s right here.
Mr. D: I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand you, your mouth is full of oranges.
Mr. D: How’s the picnic over there?
JB:HACHOO!
Mr. D: Bless you. Are you allergic to picnics?
Mr. D: Sitting on the ground is not part of the plan.
JB: She’s helping me.
Mr. D: To what? Get up?
Mr. D: Somehow I don’t think the orange-eating correlates with the math-completing.
JB: It’s right here.
Mr. D: I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand you, your mouth is full of oranges.
Mr. D: Sitting on the ground is not part of the plan.
JB: She’s helping me.
Mr. D: To what? Get up?
“If I were you, I wouldn’t let you talk to you like that.”
—Unknown
“We started out talking about Star Wars and ended up talking about how all the Jews would have been saved if Hitler had an Irish accent.”
SCP: Ever since I listened to Phantom I keep seeing it everywhere.
MCM: SCP, the Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your mind.
“I’m concerned about being a Jew next year.”
—MCM, misheard (she said ‘junior’)
Mr. D: Zayn left One Direction. Apparently he went in another direction.
Mr. D: Did you hear that One Direction changed their name to 4/5 Direction?
Mr. D: Obviously they knew what was happening because their last album was called ‘Four’.
Mr. D: At least now he’s going in the RIGHT direction.
KP:(crying)
Person 1: Your facial expressions have gotten so bleak lately.
Person 2: What’s “bleak”?
