After their first win, it seemed almost odd to go back to just a normal schedule after promotions ended. Seulgi wanted to make the most of her time, but she was already missing performing in front of the crowds and seeing the fans enjoying themselves at the music shows they were attending. That being said, one thing that this lapse in activity provided to Seulgi was the opportunity to get a bit more sleep. Granted, she probably still got the most sleep out of anyone in the group, able to just doze off to dream land whenever she had a small break in the day, but still, the reprieve of early mornings every morning was welcomed with open arms and a fluffed pillow.
With that though came more thinking, which lead to Seulgi believing she needed to do something in order to connect with the fans more. She and Juhee were still the new girls, so she wanted to make sure people knew more about her if she could make that happen. Grabbing her phone, she started up the Notes app and began writing things down that she could do, which was a little silly because most of the options weren’t doable, like having secret meetings. So in the end, she decided she would ask to see if she could be allowed to maybe do a VLive or maybe a Youtube cover or something on the group’s official channels. She wasn’t really close to the managers yet, despite the amount of time they all spent together. She actually wasn’t that close to all the members yet either, but that was something she hoped would come with more time.
So cautiously, she approached the manager, asking if that was something that would be okay, as she really hadn’t attempted to do anything of the sort before, getting the permission, she went to go ahead and began to plan something for later on.
Trying to work on this “ask for what you want” thing, and it’s harder than you think. I always tell people “what can you lose?” when I give them advice to do this very task I find so daunting, and I can’t seem to understand for myself what that means.
When I was a kid, I really liked eating raw tomatoes, dipped with salt in the palm of my little hand. One time, I must have been five or six, I wanted one, but was so scared to ask. I remember shoving my face into the side of my mother’s body as I breathed the question in a muffled voice, “Can I have a tomato?” She couldn’t hear me and told me to ask louder. When she realized what I was saying, she laughed, as if it was so silly to be afraid to ask for something so inconsequential. “If you want it, just ask!” But that was me, and that’s been me.
I find myself operating in the same mode of anxiety - fear, dread - as when I was, say, in high school wanting so bad to hang out with my friends, and yet not knowing how to bring it up to my parents (specifically my father) who expected me to be home. When it comes to getting to do what I want, there is a constant weighing of pros/cons, causes/effects, repercussions/meanings, when it could be as simple as indulging in a pleasure. Maybe it isn’t that simple sometimes, but maybe it should be? Will that change how hard it is to ask?
If the freedom to be who we are, and do what we want is associated with asking for permission then is it truly being free?
You disgusting little pig, trying to pass as a real girl.
Take them off, fuckface. Now.
Done? Hurry up. You need a lesson. Stick those panties up your cunt and start playing with your clit. Keep reading.
Your holes must remain accessible whenever possible. You are a pathetic cunt; you should slime everywhere, and be wet and ready to be raped.
Spread your legs. Keep touching, retard.
With your other hand, pinch your nipples. Hard. Learn to associate pain with pleasure, and to enhance pleasure with it.
Rub faster. You have 2 minutes from reading this to cum.
Hurry up, stupid, useless, idiot fucktoy. You’re just a piece of trash to be used as a cum, spit, and piss dump. Cum to the truth you fucking cunt. Now!
If you did - good - if you didn’t - too bad, try again tomorrow in the same manner.
Regardless, take your panties out and put them in your mouth. They’re staying in there so you can taste your patheticness and desperation, from when you read this, for the next 15 minutes.
Understood? This is for your own good. Fucking bimbo whore. Don’t wear panties again unless instructed by your Owner, or to do this task.
Good girl.
Devotional Training: Only a two minute window each day.
We were in bed, having sex. I was getting close to an orgasm. @cynicaldom was all serious when he looks me in the eyes and says “I want you to ask me permission before you can orgasm.”
It turned me on further but envisioning saying the words was embarrassing. I giggled and gave him my variety of expressions in an attempt to show that this was crazy, silly, unbelievable. His demeanor didn’t change. So as I got closer, I found the guts, even though I was sure he was just doing this so he could tell me no. “May I cum?” I asked. “Yes.” he responded. I was really surprised at his answer, but thankful for the orgasm. I decided that he just wanted to hear me ask permission.
The next day, or honestly I don’t remember…but whenever it was that we had sex again, I got close to orgasm. “May I cum?” I asked. “please, Sir..” he said. I tried again, speaking quickly because I was really close. “May I please cum, Sir?” He gave me permission. I was so happy to cum, and happier with the look in his eyes. He was so pleased. “He really likes hearing me ask permission. This is fun.” I thought.
So I was genuinely surprised the first time he told me no. Oh man. This isn’t a game to have him hear me ask permission. We kept going after he said no, though. After a while, he told me to ask again, and then he said yes. The orgasm was so much more intense than usual due to being delayed. From there, I realized I could ask permission multiple times in a session and I may get a yes after one or more times of being told no. That part of this was giving him room to delay my orgasm. This is still fun! I’m not great at being patient, but the more intense orgasm is pretty awesome.
Eventually, a time came where he really denied me for the entire day. The next day, my orgasm was still amped up. He was proud of me for accepting denial with obedience. While I wouldn’t choose denial over an orgasm, I found myself able to submit to orgasm control. Generally speaking, he prefers seeing me orgasm to seeing me accept denial so he’s generous with my orgasms most of the time. I’m not one who enjoys denial but on the rare occasion when he has chosen that, a few times even for a week or so at a time, I’ve been able to accept it for the most part. I have handled denial really poorly a couple of times, though. At times it’s been hard. However, I like knowing it’s his choice, that my pleasure belongs to him. Occasionally in response to my “May I please cum, Sir?” or Daddy, as we switched to a couple months ago, instead of just “yes” he says “I want you to cum.” and it’s completely euphoric to orgasm when I’m reminded that it is for him.
*A few weeks ago…
We’re talking about orgasm control based on something one of us had read. He throws in “it wasn’t my intention to start it full time when we did.”
“…..What?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“I just asked you to ask me permission one day and you kept asking every time you wanted to orgasm after that.” He explains.
“…Because you said I needed your permission…? I thought that meant in general, not just that one time.”
“Yeah. I thought at first you were just doing it because it was fun but eventually, I realized you thought it was a new requirement. But you were obviously comfortable with it because you just jumped in with both feet. I wanted it to be full time and you were comfortable with it so I just let it continue.”
I laugh. “So I just walked into a trap created by myself then!”
“You wouldn’t have if you didn’t want to.” he says, smirking.
He’s right.
Devotional Training: Getting what it really wants.
“Another simple one is to be forced to ask hubby for permission to use things like the restroom, furniture or anything else that you would normally take for granted. Even if he always says, ‘yes’, the act of having to ask and the chance he says no can be a mental trip.”
This is number 2 in the series of Humiliation Tasks. For other tasks, click the tag #HumiliateMe
Fair warning: this will be a long-ass post, broken down into two parts. Part 1 will begin with the story of my humiliation derived from asking permission for basic things, and part 2 will end with me, face-down on the couch being pounded into next week.
Asking for things is not a part of my programming. I take care of myself a lot because I get very anxious about having to ask for things. I’m sure many of you can relate. I don’t like to be a bother. But that being said, I’ve gotten used to asking my husband for things, because he takes care of me. He proves over and over that when I ask him to help me, or do something for me, that he will provide and make everything better. But there are still things that are hard to ask for, usually things revolving around sex, and especially things that are new. This comes from shyness more than anything.
I’m going to write a lot of what was actually said between us. I’ve had a few people tell me that they appreciate my openness and honesty, and that’s something I always appreciate in others too. It helps us learn, and it helps others see that D/s is such a normal part of many relationships. Tumblr can make D/s look like something only some can successfully have, but you don’t have to be a 6′ tall, jacked, bearded, suit-wearing man to put your submissive in her place.
Yesterday I texted him:
So I want to play a sexy game with you today if you want to. I think it would be fun, and it would really turn me on if I asked for permission to do simple things today. Things normally I’d just do. And I came up with a couple ideas to keep it fairly simple, and you can add some or take some away, or change them. But I think what I like most about it is it’s a little bit embarrassing to ask you for permission for these things.
So if you want to do it, then I think the best thing to do would be for me to just text you, asking permission for something, and then you give me your answer. And if you’re busy when I text you, it needs to be some sort of Plan B, for example if you don’t answer me within 30 minutes it automatically means yes, or no, or something. It shouldn’t get in the way of work obviously. And then when you get home from work, if you want to keep playing we can, or we can just end the game at the end of the work day. What do you think?
His answer…. “OK”. Sigh… my man of few words.
So my list of permissions was as follows:
Permission to sit on furniture
Permission to use the bathroom
Permission to touch myself
Permission to have snacks
Permission to go out (this was his addition)
But I went further and asked for a few more things during the day. I was at the gym when I asked to play the game, so it started when I got home. And he let me know that “If I don’t answer in 10 minutes, it’s no. Unless you have to use the toilet, then it’s yes.” This surprised me, coming from the man who always says yes to me. Just when I think he’s going to be predictable, he changes it up on me…
So I began my day at home, knowing what was on my to-do list, and immediatelythinking about all the ways I could get out of asking for permission. I was already embarrassed just thinking of having to ask to sit on the couch. I thought to myself, maybe I can just avoid the couch… but then again I have to sit on the computer chair to do my work…. maybe I can just sit on the floor… So you see, it seems simple. Just quickly type up, “Hi, can I sit on the couch?” and most likely, “yes”. Easy as pie…. except it’s fucking embarrassing.
The first thing I wanted to do when I got home from the gym was take a shower. I had been texting my husband about his work day, so I thought I’d let him know there’d be a bit of radio silence while I showered:
After this, I knew I would have to ask for more than what was on that initial list. I figured I’d go with my gut and just ask him for permission when I was in doubt. Immediately after I asked about the shower, I realized I had to use the toilet. So I asked, “May I use the toilet before the shower…” and then… silence. And more silence… and I was laughing because go figure the first time he gets busy and can’t text is when I have to pee.
This was one of the biggest mindfucks of the whole thing. Because I knewthat if he was available to answer, that he would say yes. And I knewthat if I wanted the 10 minutes, it would be a yes. So all in all, it was a yes. But I didn’t have permission to use the toilet at that very moment. So I stood there, naked, as the bathroom filled with hot steam from the shower, and my bladder teased me with its fullness. But 10 minutes later, he didn’t answer, and I rushed to sit on that toilet, feeling relief, but also a bit of meek humiliation that made me feel a little soft in the head.
I showered, and I didn’t put makeup on because I knew if I asked that he would say no (this one I’m positive about, because he dislikes that I wear makeup). I was also feeling super subby, so the idea of not wearing it and pleasing him made me feel all warm inside. I went to the kitchen, and looked for some lunch, all the whole texting friends here on Tumblr. And a sweet friend of mine, @feverishfantasies4u, asked me a very good question: “ Ooo just saw your “permission” task. do you have to have permission to be on tumblr too?”
NO… I did not have permission… I hadn’t even thought to ask.
By this point I had a handful of thing to ask for. So I got out of Tumblr as fast as my little feet could carry me, and opened the conversation with my husband. And rapid fire I sent four requests (”I’m going to ask for a couple things now…”):
Can I have the leftovers for lunch?
Can I use your computer for work?
Can I go on Tumblr sometimes?
Can I touch?
He answered that it was more than a couple, but that yes, I could do all 4. However, he said “Tumblr sometimes” was too vague. “Ok… How about May I use Tumblr when I’m done my work?” and he said, “How about you ask when you’re ready?” So…. Tumblr was off the table for a while.
At this point in the day, it started to get easier to ask for things. So obviously this was no good and I needed a healthy dose of humiliation, right? Well my friends, here ya go….
When I used to masturbate myself to orgasm, I would usually go the fastest route to the O: fingers or vibrator to the clit. So I didn’t often use anything inside of myself. Now that I edge, and don’t cum, I found that I really really wanted to try more anal stuff. Why not-orgasming and anal seem to go hand in hand is beyond me, but it seems to be a trend. Now, one of my friends on Tumblr is a wonderful romantic and visionary and suggested that my cunt should probably only be his cunt (my husband’s), and thus off limits to me. Such a sweetheart, right? This idea turned me on so much, I agreed immediately. With one exception: When I go without sex for a while, and the my husband fucks me, it usually ends up hurting me inside, and not in a good way. It makes sex uncomfortable and not pleasurable for either of us. So my friend suggested I keep a count of how long it’s been since we last had sex, and when I reach 7 days, I should stretch myself so that when he wants to use me, I’m not in pain and pulling him out of the moment (not fuck myself though, nothing pleasurable since it’s still not myhole.)
This lovely counter is on my phone background… a nice reminder. (like my background pic? It seemed appropriate haha)
So after 7 days, it was time… and I knew I had to ask for it. I typed it up, with help on how to word it (aka with help on how to make it more fucking humiliating to ask…) And then I stared at it, red in the face. I didn’t want to ask him this, I didn’t want to say the word “stretched” which is just so weird to ask in a normal conversation in broad daylight when the last thing we had talked about was platonic and work related… But there it was again, that humiliated excitement that I had been desensitized to by asking permission throughout the day. I quickly hit send, and there was a burst of fear/adrenaline in my chest as I turned the phone screen off immediately and covered my face as I muttered, “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”
I added that last part, that we could have sex, because I had been on my period and it was over now. He likes to know when we can have sex again. So I suggested that I could use a dildo…
He said that we would start with our We-Vibe Bluetooth remote vibrator. I got excited, because I love this thing. It’s so strange to have someone controlling a vibrator inside of you when they’re miles away. But it’s such a small insertion that it wasn’t quite what I expected him to suggest. There’s no stretching happening here. I reminded him of its small size and he replied, “that’s why I said we would start with.” I inquired, “Start and then?” And he said “Then I’ll tell you when you can have more.” So I inserted the vibrator, but he got pulled away at work and I had to sit with the inactive vibrator inside me and snugly against my clit for a full hour. Soon, he came back and turned it on and we were able to play with it for a while. I had to ask for one bathroom break, but the humiliation factor was already gone by this point (at least over text, I’m sure it would be there still if I had to ask in person).
This is when he decided to take over the whole thing. I should have know that if I gave him the reins, that I would lose all control. Of course, it made the evening much more fun, and put me in a very good head space.
I’m going to end this post here, because it’s so long.
Click Here to Read Part 2: which will include me fucking up and not asking permission for furniture privileges, the stretching, crawling, sensory play, a mini “breaking and entering” mindfuck, me in a catsuit, nipple play, teasing, and a grand finale.
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