i want something (just like this)

he always knew he never wanted it, even before the dreaded spider bite. but it was even worse after that, what with his heightened senses and increased panic. the heat was too much, the skin on skin was too much contact, the wetness of lips against lips was overwhelming. it always felt like he couldn’t breathe.

and so when peter finally got his head out of his ass and sorted out his own disastrous bisexuality, he figured out his crush on ned and mj. and he wanted to die. because he just wanted to hold both of them in his arms and never let them go, he wanted them to know that they were safe with him. he wanted soft forehead kisses in the mornings and kisses on cheeks as they cuddled and let the world pass them by. but he knew that they would want more than that, doesn’t everyone want more than that, won’t everyone need more than that?

but one day ned leaned across the floor while they built their lego star wars death star and kissed him softly on the lips. peter counted-one, two, three-before ned pulled away, and it took all of his willpower not to cry. and the next day when mj pulled both peter and ned towards her and kissed them both, peter put on a smile. neither of them noticed that it was fake. it was a mask, disguising his brokenness and his pain.

so he did everything to avoid the kisses, and the suggestions about going farther. he lied about having to go help mr. stark when ned pulled him into an empty classroom and started kissing away. he ran to the bathroom and hid when mj took them both to the movies and they sat in the back, in the make out spot. he was his own overprotective parent, always making sure that mr. stark was home when they would hang to avoid any implications of being home alone. he would invite other friends to their dates in order to avoid any chance of being pulled away for the things that he dreaded most. the excuses built up and up and peter felt the pressure pushing down on him, heavy with his lies.

until one day when peter broke.