#professions

‘It’s kind of an unspoken rule for us mermaids to not reveal outselves to humans, but I’ve been watching you work as a life guard on my beach for a while and, you know, I think it’s about time I try this “drowning” thing you humans do that always brings you into the water’ au

‘You’re the annoying public defender that keeps making up incredibly implausible defenses for your criminals and I don’t know how you can make me laugh in court while I’m working against you, especially since you come up with the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard, how come everyone keeps buying it? Being funny shouldn’t be a move in court, but it somehow works for you. Well, you just wait until we have another trial together, I’ve been reading up on mastering puns and I will slay you’ au

‘So, here’s the deal: I actually joined this gang as a spy from another gang, but I kind of fell really hard for you along the way even though you’re loyal as fuck to this shitty gang that I happen to try to bring down, so now I really don’t– wait, you’re a spy too? From a third gang? Why didn’t you tell me that before you asshole, i’ve been struggling with this deadass dilemma for months!’ au

‘I’m a lifeguard at an indoor pool and you come multiple times every week but it’s always during my shift so I don’t know if you like me or just like swimming at a specific time and you’re cute so I’d really like to know that fore sure’ au

(submitted by @imnotapollogizing​)

‘Your kid is the worst kid I have ever had the misfortune of having in my class, your parenting skills must suck assand–oh shit you came in after class to discuss your kid’s behavior issues and you are the hottest single parent I have ever met’ au

(submitted by anonymous)