“But what we call our despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope.”

George Eliot

Pseudonym

New Story! FFNandAO3

Part of the @harryandginuary Big Bang Event!

Huge thank you to @tumbledfreckles for the mood board! It’s amazing love!

For@magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world who picked the prompt for this story.

And thank you to @tumbledfreckles@magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world@midnightelite deadwoodpecker, lilyevansJan30, and HazzaP for beta-ing and really making this story shine! It wouldn’t be half as good as it is without you! Love y'all!

James has been writing mystery novels for seven years, under a pseudonym, and for a bit more than a year, he’s known he’s been living across the hall from his biggest fan, Lily Evans. But Lily has an idea that’s going to pull the rug out from under him.

A Jily Muggle AU.

Pseudonym

James looked at the final cut on his screen, reading the ending of his sixth book one more time before the printer would start cutting copies.

A bullet hit Ravi’s vest, leaving him gasping for breath. He tried to push past the jolt being shot gave him and get his head back in the game.

Then he realized the shots had stopped coming at them.

“Clear!” Nick called from over where the gunshots had been coming, frowning at the two lifeless forms on the ground.

Ravi stood and slid another magazine into his .45, not wanting to be caught unarmed having already avoided a close miss.

“Everyone alright?” Nick asked as he found the lights.

“Arora, did you take a hit?” One of the officers approached Ravi.

“I’m alright, hit my vest.”

Nick nodded. “Let’s get medical out here and have one look at you. These two aren’t with us anymore.”

Ravi looked around the warehouse. It was going to take ages to sort all of this evidence; he’d never seen so much cocaine. He should probably take the break while it was available, even if he didn’t think he needed it.

“On it.”

After a quick look over by an EMT, Ravi got confirmation of what he already knew; he was going to have a massive bruise and some sore days ahead, but at least he wasn’t dead. He moved to go help with the evidence when his favorite voice called out his name.

“Ravi!”

All his exhaustion and pain seemed to fade as he saw her.

“Sarah.” He smiled at the beautiful woman on the other side of the yellow tape and moved closer to her. “Getting your inside scoop for tomorrow’s paper?”

“Just happened to be nearby.” She winked at him. “And someone showed me how to use a police scanner.”

“What a great guy.” Ravi looked around before leaning in closer. “A great guy would also like you to know that if you finish that article before sunrise, he’d be happy to point you to a place with the best apple pie.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sarah laughed. “And let you get back to work.” She waved her fingers at him before moving towards the EMTs and Ravi moved back to the crime scene, grinning.

If he’d realized anything after getting shot, it was that soon, he needed to tell Sarah how he felt about her.

But tonight, he’d focus on wrapping up this case and keeping Grandville safe for its citizens.

“Well,” James paused, “I think it’s ready.”

James sent the go-ahead to Sirius for his next Grandville Mystery installment to hit the presses and then shut down his writing laptop, tucking it safely away so no one would find it. That way no part of James’ life could get mixed up with that of F. J. Pearson’s.

James had been writing as F. J. Pearson for seven years and churned out five fast-paced mystery novels in that time. His speed with finishing the novels had been steadily increasing, having managed a book per year for the last three. He was at the point where he was seriously considering quitting his day job of writing physics textbooks and writing mystery novels full time.

But even if he made that jump, James was determined to keep a good amount of distance between himself and F. J. Pearson. It wasn’t exactly a state secret but only Sirius knew that James was a published mystery writer and only because he was James’ agent and editor. Sirius’ silence on the matter was guaranteed when James threatened to never write a novel again if Sirius let it slip who F. J. Pearson really was.

James chuckled as he remembered the two in the morning phone call that came after he’d sent Sirius his first manuscript asking to know if it was any good.

“Where do you come off?”

“Sirius?” He had groggily tried to register his best friend’s phone call.

“Don’t BS me, James, did you pay someone to write this?”

“What are you on about?”

“The book, James! Ravi! Grandville! Did you write it or did you pay someone? This is important, James!”

“I wrote it, Sirius,” James groaned and sat up in bed. “Every word is mine.”

“What in the world are you doing working with Remus on textbooks?! I read books for a living and I could not put this thing down!”

“So, it’s ok?” James had felt the embers of hope start to glow in his chest.

“No it’s not ok,” James could hear Sirius roll his eyes, “It’s brilliant! Call in sick to work in the morning and meet me at my office at 9. You’re a mystery author, James, not a science textbook bore!”

Sirius had hung up the phone before James could answer. By the next morning, James had received a bunch of instructions from Sirius on how to edit his manuscript as well as a pending agreement with Sirius’ main publisher.

Which had started a whole new argument with his brother.

“A pen name?” Sirius laughed and handed James another set of papers to sign. “Why on earth would you want a pen name?”

“I’m not using my given one.”

“What? So you’ll go by Wilberforce?”

“Sirius-”

“Bathsheba?”

“I was thinking Elvendork, seeing as it’s unisex,” James smirked at the laughter he pulled from Sirius.

“James, look-”

“No Sirius, I’m not going to let this affect Dad’s business. The last thing I want is for Sleekeazy to suffer because this book gets terrible reviews.” James stuck a hand in his hair, hoping not to reveal why he was really concerned. In an attempt to keep Sirius from realizing the true reason, James quickly added. “And I absolutely do not want this book to get a lot of attention because I’m the son of Fleamont Potter.”

“Get your hand out of your hair.” Sirius huffed.

“Mum’s not here to get upset at me for it. I don’t know why you feel the need to fill in for her.” James lowered his hand.

“You’re ridiculous you know that?” Sirius had clicked something on his computer, his eyes unseeing, his tone exasperated. James wasn’t sure if Sirius had guessed James’ reason for wanting a penname or was just unhappy not getting his way. “But fine, if it brings your genius into the world, what’s the pen name you’re working under? Because as much as I admire the genius that is Elvendork, this publisher will just assign you something different.”

“F. J. Pearson.”

Sirius turned to stare at him. “For all the imagination it took for you to write this book, you certainly know how to be boring in your name choice. Fleamont James Pearson?”

“Do you want to put the book out there or not?” James threw his hands up in the air.

“Fine. But I’m putting your real city in the author bio.”

James had rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

The pen name gave James anonymity, so he would never cause any sort of negative consequences for Sleekeazy. But James had also reasoned it gave him a way out if his book didn’t sell; no one but him and Sirius would know he’d published a flop, and it could fade into the background of his life.

But oh, how the book sold.

James had been flabbergasted.

Sirius had been insufferably smug.

James’ first book was on the top twenty best sellers list for four weeks straight. James couldn’t believe it. He’d written a book and people were buying it - and liking it. James thought he’d done well, scratched the itch to write something more engaging than a textbook, and maybe someday in twenty years he’d fess up to being F. J Pearson and writing the one successful book he’d published.

But then Sirius had told him to write another.

“There’s a series here, mate.” Sirius had leant back in his office chair and tossed his feet up on his desk.

“It was really just the one book,” James had hedged. “I never intended to write more than one.”

“James, your publisher wants another. They’re getting questions from readers about when your next book is coming out. Your fans want another Grandville Mystery. And when you finish that one, there’ll be questions about another.”

James shook his head. “I don’t even know what will happen next.”

“There’s always one crime or another in a city.” Sirius shrugged. “Pick something other than a jewelry thief and write about that. Oh, and I think you should play up something between Ravi and Sarah. That’ll pull in more readers from the romance genre.”

“Anything else?” He pulled on his hair.

“The sooner the better.” Sirius’ phone had rung then and the conversation ended with James feeling rather put upon.

He’d written one book, why should anyone expect him to write another? He’d never intended to write another.

But the more James had thought about writing a series of stories in Grandville with Ravi, the more he was drawn to the idea…

The second book came easier than the first, and the third easier than that. It had taken time, but James slowly got the hang of it and had learned when to recognize he’d taken the story the wrong way and how to course-correct. He’d grown not just as a writer, but he’d grown into a fully-fledged mystery author.

And now the series wasn’t so little.

As he had written this, his sixth Granville novel, James felt he was just now hitting his stride; once the idea hit, the story didn’t fight so hard to roll from his brain to the keyboard. Now a book a year felt doable. Now he felt ready to quit his day job and write novels full time.

But there was a little complication he hadn’t figured out his way around yet though, and that complication was one of his readers.

Lily Evans was potentially F. J. Pearson’s biggest fan. She wrote to him to thank him for each and every book. She shared all the promotional social media posts he put up for his books. She’d read his five books at least fifty times each. She knew his characters almost as well as he knew them.

Any author would consider Lily the perfect fan. Their best supporter. The kind of reader they could count on to read and love and support their stories.

There was just one problem.

Lily Evans was also James’ next-door neighbor.

She’d moved in a few months after the release of his fourth book, and James had been happy to have a new person across from his flat to share a wall with.  He’d grown tired of the last bloke playing folk music turned up to eleven at one in the morning, long before he’d moved out

When James had first seen Lily, he thought he might have died on his way home from the market without realizing it and was now in heaven.

“Hello.” She smiled from her doorway, a folding chair in hand, clearly meant to be brought into her flat. “I’m your new neighbor. Sorry for the noise. I’m just getting a head start on my things before my friends come help with the rest.”

James realized a second too late his hand was in his hair. Thankfully his mum was nowhere in sight. “No, it’s James, I mean, I’m fine, I mean, the noise, it’s fine, I’m James.”

She’d laughed and he’d decided it was his new favorite sound.

“I’m Lily.”

“Do you want help with your things?” James stuck his hand in his pocket and held his breath.

“Are you up for carrying heavy things?” She smirked at him and James felt his heart do a cartwheel.

“What else are neighbors for?”

She bit her lip and smiled and James was sure his heart was going to burst. Ok, so he probably wasn’t dead if that was any indication.

“I’m sure there are other things but today I’ll settle for a lift with the big stuff. These stairs are murder.”

By the time they’d pivoted some overly large pieces of furniture up the twisting stairs, a tentative friendship had been born. James barely managed to somehow not make a fool of himself at every turn - or beg her to go out with him. He spent more time outside now, too, because Lily loved to sit on her balcony, and James’ balcony just so happened to be right next to hers. If they’d both leant towards the other across the railings he’d be close enough to kiss her - not that he was thinking about kissing her.

Not overtly anyway.

He learned to recognize the sound of Lily’s balcony door opening, and there were very few things he wouldn’t stop in the middle of to go sit on the balcony with her. The moments shared across their joined fence made him feel close to her, close with her.

Then one day about a month before his fifth book was to be released, James walked out to his balcony and found Lily relaxing in the patio chair he’d hauled up for her, reading a well-worn paperback book.

“Good evening, Lily.” He’d sat down in the folding chair he kept outside now. “What book is lucky enough to be read by you?”

“One of my favorites, F. J. Pearson’s first Grandville Mystery.” Lily held up her copy of his book with a happy sigh and soft smile. “Have you read them? The fifth book comes out next month and I’m going to re-read the first four before I get my copy of the newest one.”

James’ hand immediately was shoved in his hair and he turned to look away from Lily with his book in her hands. How had he never realized that Lily Evans, his next-door neighbor, was Lily Evans, F. J. Pearson’s biggest fan?

But how would he have guessed? There were a few hundred thousand Evans in the UK, and Lily was reasonably common as well. James had just assumed they were different women. Probably because he never let himself be F. J. Pearson outside of writing the books and doing the small amount of advertising he did. So around Lily, he was always just James Fleamont Potter.

“James?”

Right, she’d asked him a question.

“I’ve, I’ve actually read them, all of them, several times.” He swallowed the bitter taste that accompanied the deliberate half-truth.

“Really?” He could hear the excitement in her voice. “I don’t know anyone I can talk to, outside of the internet anyway, who’s read these. Would you ever want to talk about them?”

James still couldn’t bring himself to look at her as he answered. “Yeah, that would be pretty grand.”

“I see what you did there,” Lily laughed, “Grand in Grandville. Do you care if I go on and on about how perfect Ravi and Sarah are for each other? Because I swear if I don’t get a story where Ravi finally stops goofing around and tells Sarah how he feels I’m going to hunt down F. J. Pearson and ask why they insist on torturing me.”

James pulled hard on his hair. He’d been deliberately dragging that out, mostly because it helped move the mystery plots forward in easy ways. “I think Ravi and Sarah will figure themselves out.”

“I’m sure.” Lily waved the book around, “I just want it to happen already. We’re already four books in! How long do I have to wait for them to get together?”

“I bet it’s just a couple of books away, he probably has it planned out.” He most certainly did not! “Setting things up and all that.”

James swallowed hard. What was he doing?!

“Oh! You think F. J. Pearson is a man?”

James couldn’t help but turn to look at her, his bottom jaw by his shoes. “You think he’s a woman?”

“Well, no, not really,” Lily chuckled, “A woman would have pushed Ravi and Sarah together by now. But the initials don’t tell us what their gender is. They could be a woman.”

James laughed in spite of himself. “I’d bet my next paycheck F. J. Pearson is a man.”

Lily smirked at him from her chair. “If I didn’t agree with you I’d take you up on that bet.”

James smiled over as she laughed, but internally, his mind was screaming at him.

He was an idiot. He should have told her he’d never heard of F. J. Pearson. He should have told her mystery novels weren’t his thing. He should have changed the subject and not come back to it.

But anything that connected him further to Lily was just too tempting. And if they could connect over his books, why not? After all, his own mother didn’t know he wrote novels. He could do this, just be another ordinary reader of his own books, he could do that if it meant he got more time with Lily.

Swallowing his guilt, James hardened his resolve. “So, what sort of crime would you want to see Ravi solve?”

That question had started not only six months’ worth of discussions about his books but had also brought him closer to Lily. They had shifted from friendly neighbors to close friends, hanging out away from their balconies, meeting each other’s mates. It made him hopeful that maybe someday they could be more.

James had even picked Lily’s brain about what she hoped to see in his next book. This had resulted in the book he’d just sent back to Sirius, his sixth installment, being heavily influenced by Lily and her ideas. James was nervous for Lily to read it and see all of her ideas in the book. But he hoped the book would make her smile, and he could enjoy being the reason she smiled, even if it was through a pen name.

James heard the sound of Lily’s balcony door as he tucked away his laptop and grinned. Time to go see a beautiful woman.

“Morning!” Lily smiled at him as she watered her potted flowers.

“Good morning, Lily.” He moved to the railing between their balconies. “How’s your Saturday?”

“Lovely,” she beamed. “I’ve had an absolute stroke of genius!”

“This is not surprising news.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Aren’t you going to ask me what my brilliant idea is?”

“Sure, but I already know it’s going to be the best idea I’ve ever heard.”

Lily laughed as she watered her plants. “I’m going to email F. J. Pearson and ask him to do a public signing and maybe a reading when he releases his next book.”

James blinked, not realizing that his lower jaw was down on the pavement two stories below him.

“See!” Lily laughed, “You’re shocked you didn’t think of it first.”

“He- he- he’s never done any public events before.” James stammered as his brain tried to wrap around Lily’s geniusidea.

There was a very good reason for F. J. Pearson to refrain from public events.

“Just because he hasn’t done any events before now doesn’t mean he won’t. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t think he has the fan base to support it, which now he does. And besides, it never hurts anything to ask.”

“I- I- I- I guess…”

Lily giggled, “I’ll let you know what he says. I’ve got a draft on my phone and I’ll probably send it today.”

“Great.” James realized his hand was in his hair and he pulled on it to try and gain some grip on all the emotions that threatened to bubble over.

“I’ll see you later.” Lily smiled at him, a smile that made him wonder what he’d done to get her to look at him that way. “I’ve got to run.”

“Yeah, have a good Saturday.”

“You too, James.” She slipped into her flat with a little wave of her delicate fingers.

James moved back inside as well and shut his door.

Then he swore.

And swore again.

What was he doing???

He should have never led her to believe he was just another reader. The second he realized that Lily Evans, his next-door neighbor, was the same Lily Evans who shared every social media post that F. J. Pearson posted and sent thank you emails for each and every book he put out, he should have faked a phone call and ran away. He should have stopped after one book and told Sirius and his publisher he wouldn’t turn this into a series. He should have never shown Sirius the first bloody book at all. He should have burned it instead.

He should go open his laptop back up.

James moved back to his bedroom, pulling his writing laptop from under the blankets in the bottom drawer of his desk.

Maybe he’d get lucky and Lily would send the email before she left for her Saturday to-do list and he could see exactly what she was hoping for. Then he’d have the entire day to think of a plan to get himself out of this mess he’d made.

He opened F. J. Pearson’s email and shoved his hand in his hair.

Nothing.

He refreshed the page.

Nothing.

He refreshed the page again.

Nothing.

He swore.

Then his phone rang.

“You can not have read my edits that quickly,” James said as he answered Sirius’ call.

“Tetchy, what’s up?”

James shoved his hand back to untidy locks. “Nothing.”

“So, your hand is not in your hair?” Sirius’ voice was accusing.

“No.” James pulled the offending body part down and sat on it.

“You don’t fool Mum or me you know that right?” Sirius paused. “Really, James, is everything alright?”

James leant back in his desk chair and looked at his computer screen. It would only be a matter of time before he’d have to tell Sirius what he’d done. Might as well get it out of the way now.

“I may have made a mistake.”

“That’s in character.” Sirius snickered.

“Hey!”

“What did you do, James?”

“Lily-”

“Universe, give me strength.”

“She reads my books.”

“Really?” Sirius sounded amused when James wanted him to sound alarmed. “That’s brilliant! So are you going to tell her you’re F. J. Pearson and we can do away with this ridiculous charade along with the two of you dancing around each other?”

James felt his hand creep back up into his hair of its own accord “I’ve actually known she reads my books for almost a year now.”

The line was silent.

“Sirius?”

“I can not believe you right now.”

“I panicked!”

“Is that why this book feels different than the first five?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you been asking Lily what she wants in your books?”

Crap.

“James?”

“Yes.” He dropped his head to his desk.

Sirius swore. “This is why I told Mum about Lily. This right here. You’re gone for her, mate.”

“Is that why Mum suddenly started bringing me food?! I’m not the son that messes with her recipes! I don’t need her bringing me enough food to solve world hunger every week!“

“Don’t get off topic, she just wants to meet Lily.” Sirius paused. “And tie your hands to your side.”

“I hate you so much, do you know that?”

“No you don’t, but moving back on topic, you lied to Lily, and now we need to find a way for you to tell her you’ve been an idiot, right?”

James went silent, trying to determine how to broach the next problem.

“Why do I think there’s more?”

James could hear Sirius roll his eyes, and he sighed in defeat.

“She’s going to email F. J. Pearson and ask that my next book has an author signing and reading.”

“Well, mate, sounds like you’ve just dug your grave. You’ve fancied this woman for a year and a half and then killed any chance you might have had.”

James swore.

“What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know?!” James lifted his head from his desk. “I thought it would be a way for us to spend more time together. We still weren’t really close when I found out and she was so excited to have someone to talk about my books with, and it worked, we’re, we’re friends now.” James felt his stomach turn at his words. "I should have just pretended not to have known what she was talking about.”

“Why didn’t you just tell her you were the author?” Sirius huffed. “Then she could have freaked out that she lived next door to her favorite author.”

“I don’t know if I’m her favorite author.”

“If she gave you ideas for this book then I’m going to wager you are at least top five.”

“Crap.”

“I repeat. What were you thinking?”

James swallowed. He knew exactly why he hadn’t told her the truth. He couldn’t; not without risking another fiasco. James heard his computer ding and looked up to see an email in his inbox.

From Lily.

“I need to go.”

“She emailed you didn’t she?”

“Yep.”

“Read it to me. I’m your agent and editor and unfortunately, that professional relationship means I need to help get you out of this hole you’ve dug yourself into.”

James shook his head even as his hand moved the mouse to open the email.

“No, I’m not reading a private message to you.”

“Private?” Sirius scoffed. “James, wouldn’t you like help to get out of this one?“ Sirius’ voice softened. "You’ve certainly had your fair share of pulling me out of my stupid situations.”

James swallowed as the mouse hovered over Lily’s email.

“Besides,” Sirius pushed on. “If you’re agreeing to public events, I need to let your publisher know.”

“I’m not agreeing to anything.”

“You’re so hung up on Lily that you lied to her about being F. J. Pearson. I think that’s a fair indication you might inadvertently agree to a public event.”

James groaned.

Why had he told Sirius?

“James,” the teasing had gone completely out of his brother’s voice. “I get it, alright, I get where you were coming from. But you’ve got to fix it if you want any chance with Lily.”

“I know; I just don’t know how. I’ve lied to her for months.”

“Right, that’s a bugger, but if you come clean, tell her it’s you, then maybe she won’t stay mad at you for too long and you can win her back.”

“Relationship advice? From you?”

“Desperate times, mate. Now let’s hear what the dashing Lily Evans has to say.”

James resigned himself and opened the email.

“Dear F. J. Pearson,

I hope you recognize the name, I’m Lily Evans and I’ve written you before. I’m so excited for your sixth book to release! My friend and I have been talking about it a lot and I’ve an idea for it that I hope you’ll consider.

I think a signing for this upcoming book and maybe a reading too would be amazing for your fans! I know you’ve never done a public event before, but I think you’ve got the fan base to support you. At the least, my friend and I would be sitting in the front row.

Kind regards,

Lily Evans”

James dropped his head back down and groaned.

“I mean, she makes some good points,” Sirius chuckled.

James glanced at the screen, hoping a miracle had occurred and the email was gone, and swore when it hadn’t.

“Write her back and tell her you’ll talk to your publisher. She makes some good points and I think we should discuss you coming clean with the world, especially Mum and Dad.” Sirius was back to business. “Then pick a time and tell Lily who F. J. Pearson is.”

“Right.” James swallowed. “I’ll email her back.”

“Don’t worry, James,” Sirius’ voice was worryingly reassuring. “I’ll be there if it starts to tear at the seams, just like you’ve been for me.”

“Thanks, Sirius.” James gave in and let himself mess with his hair, figuring he deserved some slack. “Enjoy your Saturday.’

"You’ve got this, James.” Then the call disconnected.

But he didn’t.

James didn’t have this.

He stared at the screen, his mouse hovering over the word reply.

Maybe he could wait a day.

No. That was more of the kind of thinking that got him into this mess.

Steeling himself, James set his fingers to his laptop keyboard and took a deep breath.

Dear Lily,

First, thank you for all your support of my books. I do get the thank you emails you send and see that you promote my books as well.

I talked to my editor and he thinks it’s worth talking to my publisher. His exact words were, “She makes some good points.” So we’ll see what happens. I’m flattered that you think I have the fan base to support public events.

I hope you have a wonderful Saturday and thank you again.

F.J. Pearson

James read the email twice more before he closed his eyes and hit send. He shut down his laptop immediately, not ready to see if she would email him back or not.

Then his phone chimed with a text.

Lily: He emailed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crap.

He’d officially trapped himself between himself and Lily.

James stuck his hand in his hair and looked down at the message despairingly.

What was he supposed to do now?

His phone chimed again as a screenshot appeared with the email he’d just sent staring back at him.

Lily: See!!!!!

James smiled in spite of the panic that was bubbling just under the surface. Lily had that effect on him.

James: I never doubted your skills.

He fell onto his bed and watched Lily’s typing bubble.

Lily: Want to come scout out location possibilities with me tonight? I don’t want to respond until I can give some good ideas for where he could do a signing.

James’ heart pounded in his ears.

Every bone in his body screamed yes, he absolutely wanted to go with her. But the guilt he felt kept begging him to say no, to not subject himself to the turmoil that being with Lily while he was actively trying to figure out how to tell her the truth was sure to cause.

But it wasn’t begging quite loud enough.

James: I’d love to

Lily: Great! See you at mine at 6?

James: Can’t wait ;)

He tossed his phone on the bed next to him and shoved his glasses up his face to rub his eyes.

It wasn’t so bad, James tried to reason with himself. He could get Lily’s opinion and see the options for himself and have some solid feedback for his publisher when they planned his signing.

If he did a signing…

Crap.

James hated it when Sirius was right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James was anxious for the rest of the day, going so far as to consider telling Lily that evening he was F. J. Pearson, though he felt like he needed a better plan than confessing it on her doorstep.

That plan didn’t materialize in his brain before six rolled around.

“James!” Lily opened her door. “Can you believe he emailed me back?!”

James laughed and leant against the wall. “Of course, I can. You’re brilliant, anyone who can’t see that after two seconds of interaction with you is an idiot.”

“Why thank you, Potter,” Lily chuckled as she closed and locked her door. “I didn’t get a chance to eat after I got home. Feel like grabbing something before we go scout out where our favorite author should reserve for his book signing?”

So he was her favorite author.

That thought had James floating for a brief moment.

“James?”

Right, she’d asked him a question.

“Sure, I’m always up for dinner with a beautiful woman.”

“Flatterer,” Lily rolled her eyes and moved down the stairs, James quickly following after her.

Lily drove them to a Greek restaurant that left James wondering if Greek food would be as easy for him to cook as Indian food and if he could possibly have Lily with him for every meal. She was the source of a lot of his anxiety but in a strange paradox, her presence was soothing his nerves.

It was moments like these, sitting across from her at a restaurant as she chatted about work, about her parents’ latest pensioner adventure, and as she teased him for being a rich kid as he paid for their dinner; these moments that made him want this every day, her there with him.

But he knew it wouldn’t, couldn’t happen. Not until she knew who he was. Not until he stopped hiding something so massive from her.

“Where’s our first location then?” James asked as Lily drove them away from the restaurant.

“First I thought we’d look at Flourish and Blotts since they’re a big name. Then I want to see if Tomes and Scrolls looks viable. They’re smaller but cozier too.”

“I like Tomes and Scrolls.” James nodded. “Their staff are nicer too, more helpful.”

“Exactly.” Lily nodded as she turned into the parking lot for Flourish and Blotts. “I’m sure that F. J. Pearson has been to both of these seeing as he lives somewhere in this city, but I thought he’d like a reader’s perspective.”

James swallowed as his guilt started bubbling near the surface for the millionth time that evening.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

Flourish and Blotts had all the space in the world, but James was put off by the lack of personality the store had. Every Flourish and Blotts location looked just like this one. Every Flourish and Blotts had stuffy salespeople that were offended if you dared to ask them a question. Every Flourish and Blotts smelled like stale coffee and cardboard boxes. Every Flourish and Blotts felt like a charade.

This was not where he wanted his readers. He’d probably end up in the news as the author that chewed out the staff for being rude to a guest.

“I don’t like,” he said absently as they walked through the store and Lily took notes on her phone.

“What?” Lily looked up at him but James was frowning at the aisles of toys, still caught up in his dislike of the store.

“This isn’t what the readers want. I bet they’d actually kick us out if we went over our allotted time. Could you imagine the news stories? And tonight we cover an author who shouted at bookstore associates .” James spun around to head back to the car. “This won’t work. Let’s go.”

“Hold on.” Lily snagged his arm and pulled him back. “You think F. J. Pearson would have a shouting match with the associates?”

Her words brought James back to reality and he shoved his hand in his hair.

“I, er, I meant that he’d probably find all of this pretentious.” James gestured with the hand that hadn’t snuck to his hair. “And, I, er, well, he writes Ravi as the kind of bloke that isn’t afraid to put pretentious people in their place… So maybe…?”

Lily burst out laughing.

“I never thought of it, but now the image of F. J. Person channeling Ravi and chewing out these associates might be one of my favorite mental images.”

James breathed out in a rush of relief.

“So Tomes and Scrolls?” He made a conscious effort to shove both hands in his pockets.

“Yeah.” Lily pulled her keys from her purse. “I figured that would be the best place anyway. I guess we could look at the library as well but I honestly think it better to do this where people can buy his book and not fight over the ten copies the library will get.”

James laughed. “Our library has that many copies?”

“Only.” Lily shook her head as she unlocked her car. “There are twenty-five copies each of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings books and only ten of F. J. Pearson’s books. It’s criminal.”

“Tolkien was a genius, Evans.” James jumped to defend one of his favorite authors.

“And F. J. Pearson is just as good, in my opinion.” Lily slipped into her seat and left James gawking over the top of the car.

“Did I break you, Potter?” Lily rolled down the passenger window and smirked at him.

James shook himself, trying to get some level of control over his brain. Lily thought he was just as good as Tolkien. Had he died? He pinched himself. Nope, not dead.

Holy crap.

“Yep.” He figured honesty was just as good as any response. She had rattled him and he was trying not to faint dead away. “I’m coming to terms with this newfound information about you and your biased opinions.” He slipped into the car.

“How on earth is it biased for me to like Pearson more than Tolkien?” Lily’s head tipped back and she laughed.

James felt his throat constrict in panic. He didn’t have an answer that he could actually give her without telling her who F. J. Pearson was.

“Er…” He looked around as Lily drove them towards Tomes and Scrolls and spotted an ice cream parlor. “Oh, hey, want to get Fortescue’s after we finish up at Tomes and Scrolls?”

Lily bit her lip and glanced over at him.

“I’d like that.”

For a moment, James forgot why he’d been panicking.

“Me too.”

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Lily pulled her laptop out of her bag and pushed the power button as she hummed happily to herself.

It hadn’t really been a date, but it had been a wonderful…not-date.

Whatever. Time with James was always something that Lily looked forward to. Maybe someday she’d be brave enough to risk their friendship and ask him on a date. The time they spent together was nearly dating anyway, but it lacked some of the perks that dating usually entailed.

Kissing for instance…

Lily shook the thought of kissing James away and sat down at her computer with her drink.  She needed to get a grip. She had an email to write.

F. J. Pearson probably wasn’t awaiting her email with bated breath, he didn’t even know she was sending it, but Lily wanted to get it out while the experience, and James’ comments, were fresh in her mind. And so she opened her email and set to it.

Dear F. J. Pearson,

I went with my friend I mentioned before, James, to look at a few locations that might work for the event and while Flourish and Blotts had plenty of space, James worried that their high and mighty attitudes might push you to channel Ravi and get into a shouting match with the employees. In the end, we both agree that Tomes and Scrolls would be the ideal place. It could end up with a queue outside the store, but James and I agree that it’s more in line with your fanbase.

I’m attaching some of the pictures I took that show where you could set up and maybe do a reading. I really hope your publisher agrees and public events can become a part of every book release you do. I know James and I wouldn’t be the only fans to block out our calendars for it.

Kind regards,

Lily Evans

There, that sounded normal enough. Lily didn’t want to come off as a stalker to F. J. Pearson, but she also didn’t understand why this author was so insistent on being hidden. His books were bestsellers, he had a solid fandom, there was even fanfiction for Ravi and Sarah for heaven’s sake. He was big. So why hide?

She hit send and then looked at her phone. It was only ten, she could text James and tell him she already emailed Pearson; maybe she could tease him about how she’d included one of the pictures that had James in it. That might buy her an hour or so of conversation with him…

Lily shoved her phone in her pocket.

What was she? Thirteen?

She needed to go to bed, and hope that she didn’t dream about Mister tall, dark, and sexy on the other side of her wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took her two days to manage to reconnect with James. He must have been busy because he didn’t come out on the balcony any of the times she went out to water her plants. She finally saw him when they happened to be coming home at the same time. Well, roughly the same time. She didn’t reallyrun to catch up to James, but she privately admitted to stepping lively to reach him before he walked into their building.

“Potter.” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Fancy meeting you here.”

James gave her a brilliant smile as his hand found his hair. He always seemed annoyed when he caught himself doing it, but Lily found it endearing. She had to grip her purse strap to keep the urge to also tangle her hands amongst the soft-looking strands under control.

“Alright, Evans?” He held the door open invitingly.

“Fine, and yourself?”

James’ hand brushed the small of her back as he followed her in before dropping back to his side. Her back buzzed with electricity and she resisted the urge to step back into him.

“Good, what are you up to this evening?”

“Just dinner.” James followed her up the stairs, the hand that had brushed her back now firmly back gripping his hair.

Was it a nervous habit? Did she make him nervous? Heaven knew he gave her butterflies, maybe she gave them to him too?

Focus, Lily.

“We have that in common, then.”

Lily cringed. Could she manage to be any lamer?

James laughed, “We’re a right pair, Evans, nothing but dinner to occupy us on a weeknight.”

Lily laughed too, trying to figure out if there was any way for their conversation to continue as they approached their respective doors.

“Hey, Lils.” James stopped them at the landing. “I was hoping I could talk to you about something.”

Lily felt her heart beating in her ears. “Sure.”

James tugged a tangled curl of hair and looked down at his shoes as he let out a long breath.

“Well, you see, er, we both like F. J. Pearson’s books-”

“Oh!” Lily suddenly saw her chance to keep them talking. “I sent that email! Pearson hasn’t emailed me back yet though.”

James looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Then he laughed, a shaky sound compared to the deep laugh he usually had for her.

“What a tosser.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he’s just waiting to hear back from his publisher. I sent him the pictures I took.”

"Brilliant.” James’ eyes fixated back on his shoes. “I’m sure he’ll get back to you. Only an idiot wouldn’t.”

Lily bit her lip as her stomach fluttered at his words.

“He’s probably busy.”

James responded with a non-committal grunt.

Silence fell between them again and Lily felt the happy flutters in her stomach start to shift into an awkward clinch.

“Well,” Lily looked toward her door, “I guess-”

“Would you like to come to mine for dinner?” James blurted out.

Lily felt her heart stop dead in her chest. She glanced back at James, who was playing with his hair again.

“It’s, well it won’t be anything fancy, but, if, if you weren’t looking forward to making yourself something-”

“Yes,” Lily cut him off before he could change his mind. “I’d love to join you. Can I bring anything? I’ve a freezer stocked full of ice cream.” She frowned. “No chocolate though; your heathen taste in ice cream isn’t accounted for in my selections.”

“I’m wounded.” James threw both hands over his heart. “You mean to tell me you don’t keep an emergency supply of chocolate-chocolate chunk ice cream on hand for me?”

Lily rolled her eyes but bit her lip to try and mediate the smile that she felt blossom across her face. “You’ll have to make do with cherry vanilla, pistachio, or chocolate chip cookie dough.”

“I suppose I’ll live with the chocolate chips in your chocolate chip cookie dough then.” His hands fell. “But I warn you, I have no self-control when it comes to ice cream, hence there is never any in my flat.”

“I’ll only bring what I’m prepared to part with then.” Lily let her smile shine through. “I’ll just drop my things off and then be right over.”

“Brilliant. Great.” James dropped his keys and quickly stooped to pick them up, jingling them around in his hand as he stood. “I’ll just, er, I’ll just get things started. Don’t worry about knocking. I don’t want to keep you waiting if I’m at the stove.”

“Alright.” Lily pulled her keys from her bag, hoping she didn’t look overly eager. “I’ll only be a moment.”

“Right.” James turned his body to his own door while he still looked at her. Lily heard his key knock around a few times before she heard it slide into the lock. “Right, I’ll see you in a moment then.”

Lily nodded, not sure how to exit this conversation gracefully. She chose simply not to attempt it at all and stepped into her flat and shut the door.

Then she let the low-level panic and high-level excitement course through her veins as she bit her lip and bounced up and down.

She was having dinner with James.

Dinner with James, in his flat.

James asked her to have dinner with him in his flat.

“Breathe,” she reprimanded herself. “Don’t dawdle. Move.”

Within five minutes, Lily had brushed her hair, changed her shirt, collected the ice cream, and was slowly opening James’ door.

“James?”

“In here” He stuck his head out from the kitchen. “Make yourself at home, Evans.”

Lily adjusted her grip on the ice cream cartons in her hands as she moved towards James and the spicy smells coming from his kitchen.

“Am I good to just put these in the freezer?” She gestured toward the refrigerator.

James set down the wooden spoon in his hand and reached for the cartons.

“Here, let me.” His fingers were strong as they wrapped around her hands and held them for just a second longer than necessary before slipping the ice cream from her hands.

Lily forgot to lower her arms as he set them in the freezer.

“Have you ever had rogan josh?” James asked her as he closed the freezer door. “My mum dropped off enough to feed an army on Sunday and I’m trying to get through it all.”

“Nope.” Lily came to stand next to James as he stirred the red stew in the pot. “But it smells amazing.”

James beamed at her. “It is. Mum does it better than anyone I know. It’s basically a spicy lamb stew. I’ve got some plain yogurt if you need to cool it down. I don’t expect you to eat it as hot as my mum makes it.”

“I think I’ll be alright.” Lily smiled. “My dad loves Thai and always asks for it as hot as they’ll make it for him.”

“Well, don’t kill yourself, alright?” James bumped her shoulder with his and gave her a soft smile. “You’ve got nothing to prove to me.”

Lily felt her heart try to flutter out of her chest.

Maybe he was starting to see her the way she saw him. Maybe tonight would be the night she tried to move things out of friends and into something more…

When that sat down for dinner, Lily had to admit that James was right, she did need the extra yogurt, but she still loved his mum’s dish.

“I might have to meet your mum,” Lily sighed after her second bowl. “My ice cream in your freezer is the only reason I’m not having thirds.”

James picked up her bowl with a laugh. “She’ll be thrilled to hear it.”

James turned to face her, leaning against the sink counter behind him, and cleared his throat. “Would you like to sit on the sofa while we have ice cream? It’s a fair bit more comfortable than my dining chairs.”

“Sure.” Lily couldn’t help the beaming smile she gave him.

She followed James to his sofa, trying to ignore the sudden wave of shyness she felt as she opened the cherry vanilla ice cream pint in her hand.

“So.” James smiled at her, sitting far enough away on the sofa that he could face her.

Lily giggled around the bite of ice cream in her mouth. “So.”

“Thank you for having dinner with me, if you want to take some of the rogan josh home, I’m happy to share. I might actually manage to get it all eaten before it’s too old with your help.” James dug into his chocolate chip cookie dough.

“I will not argue with taking some of it off your hands,” Lily smirked. “Maybe your mum would be willing to bring me my own batch.”

James’ laugh was loud and his face contorted as he tried to keep the bite of ice cream in his mouth. “Trust me, what she brings just to me is plenty for the two of us.”

“Does she bring food to Sirius too?”

“Oh yes, usually more than she brings me. She knows I can make a lot of it myself, she’s been teaching me since I was about seven.”

“Does Sirius not cook?” Lily took another bite and sighed happily.

James cleared his throat and had another mouthful of his ice cream.

“Sirius cooks well, but he likes to experiment and change things, and Mum thinks it’s hedonistic or something. So obviously, if she brings him heaps of food, he won’t cook her recipes and ruin them.”

“Why does she bring you food then?” Lily smirked. “Do you ruin her recipes too?”

James rolled his eyes. “No, she uses it as an excuse to come see me.”

“Why does she need an excuse?”

James coughed and his cheeks reddened. “She’s just being my mum.”

Lily grinned, sure there was more James wasn’t telling her.

“If I ever meet your mum, I’ll be sure to ask what her motives are in bringing you food.”

James gave her a soft smile, his spoon halfway to his mouth. “Alright.”

Lily felt her whole body react to that soft smile, full of far more than friendly affection. He smiled at her like the thought of her meeting his mum had put him in the clouds.

She cleared her throat and took another spoonful.

“How’s your ice cream?”

Lily looked up at James and couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s lovely. How’s yours?”

“Not chocolate,” James smirked at her.

“You’re welcome to buy your own.”

“We’ve talked about this.” James reached over and poked her arm. “I have zero self-control when it comes to ice cream. If I bought chocolate it wouldn’t make it fifteen minutes in my freezer.”

“That would be a shame.” Lily gave him a playful shove and leant into the sparks that flew up her arm from having a bit more physical contact with James. “Although a slight rounder version of yourself wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

James made a sound that came somewhere from his chest and pushed forward; holding his pint off to the side as his free hand connected with her waist and tickled.

“Hey!” Lily laughed and leant into James’ touch, sliding her ice cream onto the coffee table as she threw both hands into tickling him back.

James’ other hand connected with her wrist and held it away from his underarms. His hazel eyes were alive with laughter and sheer happiness and Lily’s heart filled to bursting.

His fingers stilled suddenly and Lily watched his eyes drop to her lips. She held her breath. Wondering. Hoping.

She moved forward, just a fraction, hoping beyond hope that he’d meet her halfway.

James moved closer, mingling their breaths.

“Lily.” He said her name with a gruff breathless sound and his eyes dropped to her lips again with a heat that made her heart beat in her throat.

“Ja-”

Lily jumped as James’ phone began ringing loudly on the coffee table.

He swore, looking back and forth between her and his phone.

“Go ahead, it must be important.” Lily tried to put a good front on and keep the disappointment from her voice.

James looked at her with what Lily could only call longing in his eyes before pulling away from her entirely.

He frowned at the screen and sighed. “I’ll take this in my bedroom. I’ll be right back.”

Lily watched him disappear down the corridor and blinked.

James had every right to take the call in his room, but she had to admit a part of her hoped he would just silence his phone and ravish her.

Maybe she hadn’t seen the heat in his gaze. Maybe she’d imagined it all. Maybe she’d wanted it so much that she’d nearly made a fool of herself and kissed him.

She was an idiot, and she should count herself lucky that some higher power had just stopped her from doing something that could have ruined her friendship with James for good.

Lily picked up her ice cream and put the lid back on the pint with a sigh. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily looked at her email and felt a tingle of giddiness.

1. J. Pearson had responded.

He was doing a reading and a signing! At Tomes and Scrolls!

Lily had woke up still feeling put out by how nothing had happened between her and James the night before, but this email helped her to push that frustration aside for a few minutes.

She was so excited!

She had to tell James!

And then she stopped short.

They’d ended things the night before in what Lily could only call an intensely awkward moment.

James’ hand had been planted firmly in his hair and his other hand had gripped his phone when he’d remerged. He’d commented on how late it was, how they both had work in the morning, and that he had a few things his employer needed him to do before he could turn in.

Lily had gawked at him and then managed to mumble her agreement and apologies for staying so late before grabbing her ice cream and fleeing to her flat.

Not the sort of parting that left Lily feeling like he had wanted to kiss her, or instilled confidence in her current desire to text him.

She reread the email and gritted her teeth. Lily needed to show James they were friends, that she was on the same page as he obviously was in regards to their almost kiss; what better way than to push all the awkwardness and hurt that she felt away by texting him with something they could both geek out about?

Before she could change her mind, Lily took a screenshot of the email and texted it to James with a GIF of a teddy bear running in circles with a big smile and confetti falling around it.

He responded within thirty seconds with a happy dance GIF.

Good, he was at least communicating with her.

Lily:Thanks again for dinner last night.

She held her breath as James’ typing bubble popped up on her screen.

James: Anytime. I appreciated the company

Lily bit her lip, wondering if she should give in to the desire to ask him if he’d ever like to come to hers for dinner, but then her “get up now or you’ll be late for work” alarm sounded and Lily settled for texting James that she too appreciated the company and let it go at that. Hoping that now they’d be able to go back to the friendship they had before.

But things were still weird.

Five days later, Lily was at her wit’s end. She was positive that James was doing more than just ignoring her, he was actively avoiding her. And Saturday morning she decided she couldn’t take it.

After a quick email to F. J. Pearson telling him how excited she was that he was doing a reading and signing - she’d been so focused on James ignoring her she’d forgotten to respond to Pearson - Lily went to her balcony to water her flowers and give James one more chance before she threw everything on the line.

If James was going to avoid her and stop their friendship, even when she was doing everything to show him she could keep things as friends, then Lily reasoned she might as well give him a valid reason to do so.

She emptied the watering can and looked at James’ empty balcony.

This was ridiculous.

The least he could have done was tell her that the almost kiss had been too much and he was through being her friend.

Why was he being so difficult?

A considerate person would tell her.

The James she thought she knew would tell her!

Where was the man she’d grown to trust? The man she was realizing she counted on as more than just her neighbor?!

In a rush of frustration, Lily tossed her watering can at James’ balcony door.

One second too late she realized what she was doing, but thankfully, the plastic container missed the door and skidded across the decking instead.

Alright, obviously it was time to have a conversation with James.

Just as soon as she retrieved her watering can.

She left her flat and after taking a few deep breaths she knocked on James’ door.

James opened a moment later, his phone held to his chest, and smiled at her.

“Hey, Lils.”

Lily felt some of her frustration fading under the warm hazel of his stare. “Hi, sorry, but I’ve, well I’ve dropped my watering can on your balcony.”

James chuckled, glancing at the phone pressed firmly against his chest. “You’re welcome to grab it. I need to finish up here.”

“Thanks, I’ll just be a moment.” Lily bared her teeth in a poor imitation of a smile as he let her into his flat.

“Lils,” James called after her as she walked toward his bedroom. Lily turned to see him looking at her with that same heated look he’d had the night they’d almost kissed. “Can you stick around for a bit? I’d like to chat once I’ve wrapped things up.”

Lily bit her lip but nodded. “Sure thing.”

His returning smile had her dipping her chin as she bit her lip. Maybe things weren’t as bad off as she thought they were between them. Maybe she was imagining him being distant. Maybe he just needed some space to see her the way she saw him.

She stepped into his room and smiled as she looked around. James’ bedroom was clean, but not quite tidy. His desk, right next to the sliding door to his balcony, had his laptop open, his inbox still on the screen, and dozens of papers around the machine. She bet that all the problems he was putting into the next physics textbook were worked out on those pages. Smiling, she moved to look at the pages, thinking she’d tease him about them when he finished his call.

But she stopped in her tracks when she got close enough to the laptop screen to see her name.

Lily stared at the laptop, the email she wrote to F. J. Pearson not fifteen minutes ago looking back at her.

“Did you find it alright, Evans?”

James appeared at his bedroom door and froze.

He swore.

“How?” Lily turned to look at him as she pointed at the screen, her watering can long forgotten.

James’ hand was shoved in his hair and his eyes were wide with panic.

“Lily, I can explain.”

“That you’re hacking F. J. Pearson’s emails?”

“Lily,” James’ other hand moved to his hair. “I- I’m sorry. I should- I should have told you ages ago, but I- I’m F. J. Pearson. I’m the author of the Grandville Mysteries. F. J. Pearson is- it’s my pen name. I’m sorry!“

Lily gawked at him, opening her mouth and closing it again and again, no sound emerging for several moments. Her mind spun. She couldn’t pull a full breath if her life depended on it.

"You’re, you’re F. J. Pearson?” The words tasted metallic on her tongue.

She watched James’ Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“Surprise?”

Lily blinked as anger and embarrassment pumped through her veins.

“Has this been some sort of joke for you?”

“What? No! Lily-”

“A great laugh this must have been,” Lily crossed her arms, feeling the heat of her embarrassment in her cheeks as it squeezed her chest. “I thought we were friends, James.”

“We are!”

Lily ignored the desperation she heard in James’ voice. “Really?” Lily gave him a humorless laugh in an attempt to push down the tears that were pushing on the back of her eyes. “Because this really doesn’t feel like something a friend would do. Lying to me? For almost a year? I bet you don’t even write textbooks!”

“Lily, you don’t understand-”