I’m reblogging this selfie because it feels nice to finally like, start to feel good about how I look. I wanna invest more in tattoos and piercings and my wardrobe, but I’m getting somewhere.
Do I look good? Highly subjective. My friends will say yes, and I love that about them, a lot of people would feel differently. But I still feel good about how I look.
I don’t think it would be entirely honest to say that I don’t care what others think. Because how I dress and express myself obviously shows I very much do on some level care what people think. I adhere to some clear aesthetic touchstones of a specific spectrum of subcultures that have a lot of built-in assumptions, the heavy eyeshadow and funky haircut and eyebrow piercing are all affectations that I knowingly adopt along with the stereotypes and social shorthand they represent in other people’s immediate reaction to the sight of me.
Obviously I care what you think of me, because my appearance is my way of telling you what I want you to think of me at first glance.
If you hate the things you infer about me from my appearance, if it repels you, it’s working.
And it’s liberating. I like how I look. If you don’t, if you dislike my appearance and the person that you assume I am based on it, I am delighted to tell you that you were never my target demographic to begin with and you can move right along, but if you see me and think “look at that, a kindred, someone I might share common interests with” the way I often do when I see Adult Goths in the wild, then it is also working.
Laughing at how my last 2 posts in chronological order are me going “I’m trying not to get annoyed at shit” and then “okay but you can fuck off about Ulysses” its a work in progress y'all.
Also hello everybody, I’m sorry I have not been very active here. A lot’s happened – my family is short 4 people if you count my cat (which I do) in the span of December 20 - May 7, I had to quit my job for mental health reasons, and am busy working on art commissions to pay the bills for now. But I’m alive at least as well as can be expected.
Sorry for unanswered asks, and all, my brain just has. Limited capacity lately. Here’s some WIPs I’ve been noodling at in between working on commissions. Lookit me bein’ all multimedia
At this stage in my life the main skills I’m working on are
just don’t get annoyed or angry over petty things! I can just choose not to. I can just say “you know what, Drew, it’s not a big deal” and force myself to drop the subject in my head and think about something else.
don’t assume malicious intent. people say and do stuff that hurts my feelings and that could be entirely unintended, or it could be malicious. the more people I interact with and the more often, the more I will encounter people doing stuff that hurts me! but mostpeople are not actually trying to hurt me or anyone, and if I jump into defense mode because Ichose to read malice into their actions when there is no evidence to support that, I’m actually the asshole.
I haven’t updated this in a bit but I have had a lot going on in terms of commissions and personal life. My current commission status is Full. I will reblog my commission post and announce new slots hopefully by mid next week (from 5/21/22 at time of writing).
I still need to go back and clean this up, I’d only slapped down the basic concepts here but I still like this pic of my OC Carmen Cordero aka “Lumi, the Knight Fantastic!” and I’m not sure if I had ever posted it here
A very popular young superhero, though her adoring fans are unaware she’s sister to the antihero “Progeny”
I’ve talked more about her brother so: Carmen is the “good kid,” the overachiever, the responsible one, the star pupil with all the extracurriculars, to make up for her misfit drop-out brother, seeking always to bring peace to their household full of quarrels between Jack and their emotionally distant father.
A useful way to describe Carmen’s character is by explaining her powers. Lumi and her brothers, Progeny and Saint Seldom, have powers that manifest as a sort of symbolic representation of their self-image.
When her powers manifested, later than her brothers’ because she’s the younger by several years, it so happened that she gained the ability to manipulate light and fire, which are, respectively, Saint Seldom’s and Progeny’s weaknesses. Her powers made her uniquely suited to dragging the moody Verus out of hiding in the shadows and tostopping Jack’s angry rampages.
Carmen, aware that her powers represent who she sees herself as being, sat down with that information, turned it over, analyzed it, and got very, very, very angry.
Because she realized that what she sees herself as being, right down to her core, is Her Brothers’ Keeper.
Lumi the Knight Fantastic emerged as a high profile superhero soon after. It’s hard not to make waves when your powers are this flashy, but she’s embraced it.
Importantly, she is not an angry person. Carmen doesn’t get fired up over just anything, and on a social basis is an extremely friendly, patient, helpful, and caring person. She’s always kept the peace and nurtured others, and she still likes things that way and wantsthings that way. She likes being that person, she just hates that she’s been forced to feel like she had to be that person to be worth anything.
She just feels very strongly that her family and the circumstances of her upbringing have failed her quite a lot as an individual person with aspirations and interests, and beating up assholes in the streets who really had it coming is a very cathartic way to “avenge” herself in the course of mourning the childhood she deserved but didn’t get.
Her interests include anime, motorcross, gymnastics, and video games. She wants to compete for olympic gold one day.
