#richie tozier

richie: can I have a piece of cake from the fridge?

mike: what’s the rule?

richie, sighing: no cake after dinner…

mike: no that’s Ben’s rule. my rule is that you need to bring me a slice too

bill: what’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?

bev: the audacity

richie: sorry mom, called you by accident

maggie: that’s okay, had you by accident

eddie: will you all stop accusing me of having favorites? I like all you bills and non-bills equally.

bill: I want a hot drink

richie: I wanna pee

richie: I guess we share similar interests

bill: no we fuCKING DONT

bev: ace of spades!

stan, plays an uno card: draw four!

ben, plays a sorry card: sorry not sorry, back to start.

richie: pikachu! I choose you!

mike: WHAT ARE WE EVEN PLAYING

ben: my parents thought I didn’t know about the birds and the bees

richie: lmao what’s that

ben:

eddie, angrily: that’s it

bill:what

eddie: you’re officially uninvited to my wedding

bill: you mean our wedding?

eddie: yes that would be correct, you’re not coming

bill: how would that even work

eddie: how do I make a date really romantic?

bev: try being mysterious

eddie: got it

(later with stan)

stan: so where are we going?

eddie: none of your fucking business

mike, entering his room: *turns on the lights* ah! how did you get in here?!

richie, on the bed sipping a caprisun: someone said gay beetlejuice three times and I magically appeared.

richie, head in stan’s lap: tell me I’m pretty?

stan, lovingly looking down at him: you’re pretty fucking annoying, is what you are

richie, dramatically falling in ben’s arms: I don’t know how much longer I’ve got…

ben: at the rate you’re bleeding? decades.

bev: has anyone seen bill?

bill, lying facedown on the floor:present

richie: I DO WHAT I WANT

eddie: I’m calling stan

richie: no wait-

ben: I already have a tattoo

richie: what? where? why? how? when?

ben: I will never talk about it again

stan: do you understand the problem now that I’ve explained it to you for 15 minutes

bev:yes

stan: are you lying to me

bev, voice cracking:yes

richie: I can’t find my phone

mike: I’ll call it for you

richie no wait-

richie’s phone: you are my dad YOU’RE MY DAD boogie woogie woogie

mike:

richie: I can explain

ben: now I know you dont like to relinquish control-

eddie:come on! relinquish is just a fancy word for lose!

I Don’t Want to Fuck Your Mom, I Want to Fuck You!

Requested by my bestie @thescarrletwitch ily for this

Warnings: Innuendoes, Implied Content, Swearing

Richie and Eddie finally realizing their feelings for each other would look like…

• Let’s be completely honest with ourselves… Richie and Eddie are NOT getting together on their own.
• There have never been two more stubborn people.
• They are also relatively stupid? They think that their bickering is normal bestie behavior and totally not radiating massive homosexual energy.
• All the Losers know it. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see it. But even with glasses Richie Tozier was blind. Relatively speaking.
• The heat on Richie’s cheeks when he was squished between Eddie and the corner of the couch during movie nights.
• Eddie being quiet most hours until Richie showed up.
• They were tired of their bickering. Well, it wasn’t going to end when they got together but at least they’d be self-aware.
• “Hey, Eddie? Saw you ogling at that math teacher.”
• “Yeah. What about it, dipshit?”
• “Oh, nothing. Didn’t think you’d lust after someone with more hair on their upper lip than you.”
• It was tiring.
• So the Losers developed a plan. Well… Bill developed a plan, Stan took credit for it, Beverely jumped at it, Mike only sighed.
• The plan consisted of a group hangout which would result in everyone dropping out last minute. Richie and Eddie would never ask each other to hang out but if everyone cancelled they wouldn’t mind. It was the perfect plan. Plain, simple, effective.
• So that Friday the Losers planned a movie night at Richie’s house. Friday the 13th- not the most romantic movie but Richie rejected any and all rom-coms and Eddie would stick out his tongue.
• Eddie arrived at Richie’s house in nothing but pajamas and a blanket with the idea that he was in for a fun movie night.
• Boy was he wrong.
• Phone calls came in minutes later from all the other Losers listing various illegitimate reasons for not being able to show up.
• “What a bunch of blow-offs.” was how Richie hung up the phone.
• “You have a problem hanging out with me, asshole?”
• They don’t know what to do at first because surprisingly enough they’ve rarely been alone together and the strained silence is strange.
• But then again it’s Richie so that doesn’t last long.
• “Does this make us the bitches of the group?”
• The two decide to play the movie and sit as FAR away from each other as possible. Eddie insists on having the light on like the scared little shit he is and Richie will use the excuse that he needs to use the bathroom and switches off the light to hear him shriek.
• “Richie, you piece of shit!”
• ***Cue gay play wrestling.
• (Like I said there’s no way these two are getting together normally. All sexual tension is caused and resolved with anger)
• Eddie is on top. I said what I said.
• “That’s right, asshole. I’m beating you.”
• “That’s cause I’m letting you!”
• Richie is PINNED and flustered as tortured screams play in the background because what better place to get horny.
• And then Eddie bitch slaps him.
• “Did you just bitch slap me?”
• Eddie is… shocked with himself.
• He scrambled off Richie quickly yet again… like the scared little shit he is.
• But Richie is horny and frustrated so that’s not going to end well.
• “What happened, big guy? I was just about to whoop your ass.”
• “Richie, you fucking idiot. I was beating you.”
• “Not as hard as your mom was last night.”
• That was the push over the edge for Eddie.
• The two were face to face now, closer than they’d ever been before and Richie had a cocky smirk on his face and his glasses were crooked- the obvious face of enjoyment at Eddie’s frustration.
• “What is your obsession with fucking my mom?”
• And this was when things changed. Richie was so ready to respond with a sarcastic comment but Eddie’s face was scrunched and his freckles seemed to move and for once Richie didn’t have words to say but then again he always felt the need to speak so this time his own tongue sold him out.
• “I don’t want to fuck your mom. I want to fuck you!”
• ***stunned silence***
• “What?”
• But Richie was already into deep so he figured why not keep digging and so he grabbed Eddie’s shirt lining and finally meeting his lips which had spewed so many “fuck you’s” disguised as “i love you”.
• The rest of the night was spent as a date night full of flushed face, makeout sessions and as expected… bickering.
• The Losers were incredibly proud of their plan.

This is my first time writing for the IT fandom so no taglists <3 but I’ll tag @fives-cup-of-coffee becasue she wanted to know

College reddie can go on a park date ❤️ they deserve it