― heavy sighs ༄

rkhsy​:

she nodded along with what the female was saying, right now it didn’t seem like there would be much competition– but she had seen so many more girls at seocho. “maybe they will do an audition call again later?” she wonders out loud, though she did believe they would do that, “there might also be more in general audition calls, like for commoners i mean– girls that aren’t in other companies.” right now it was all just speculation but it looked like that would be the case for now.

the entire project still felt like a blur, it still being the first month of announcement made it even more secretive. from the sound and looks of it– it would be somewhat pure and innocent but sooyoung was sure, she was well past the age of acting like a pure girl– although she would do her best to portray the right emotion, it still felt weird to her and hearing chungha also express her dislike for concepts like this… somehow made her feel like they were kindred spirits.

“if i were to be completely honest, i was really reluctant to audition… just because they looked for pure girls,” she smiles sheepishly while running her fingers through her fringe, “i don’t think i suit this kind of concept but… at the same time, i know groups also change concepts and i didn’t have anything to lose really.” after all she had more to gain– when would be the next time she would be presented with an opportunity like this? would she have been willing to wait that long and now she had put it all on the table, if she didn’t get picked, she would give up. she wanted to live her life properly after all, despite everything she had gone through over the last two years, “

a flare of excitement appeared in her eyes, hearing they were born the same month ( a year separating them ) but still, “that’s such a coincidence though,” she smiles happily, “maybe, just maybe, if we both end up debuting together… we could celebrate together,” she nods and smiles… it was a bold request she was sure but at the same time, chungha was a sphere trainee, regardless of when she got signed ( why wouldn’t she be chosen as a girl.. this would be a long debut project after all ).

“who knows what they’ll do?” companies like to be vague and mysterious with their choices. it’s as if they’re on a constant power trip with the fate of their lives in their hands, dismissive of what happens and whose feelings they hurt. companies will always do as they please. chungha is automatically prepared for the worst. what if they’re not satisfied with any of them and just brings a whole new batch of girls? both from other companies and new auditions? though who is she kidding. they already brought seungah over because clearly none of them were main vocal material. “if they really wanted to they can make the entire group be nothing but girls outside of sphere.” that would have been a real smack in the face.

chungha hums in surprise. although when she thinks pure, of course she doesn’t think of seungah. but that doesn’t mean she thinks that seungah can’t suit a pure concept. “i don’t think your personality is very pure but i think you have the visuals for it.” which means she works. not to mention her voice. seungah could easily fit the bill of an angel: pure, beautiful and even has the voice to back it up. “at least you tried though. i bet you would have waited for ages for even a debut opportunity again had you stayed in nova.”

she smiles at the other, holding up her pinky. “i promise if we both get in i will gladly share my birthday with you for the rest of our lives.” it was a cute promise. there was no telling what the future held for them. “who knows, maybe we’ll even be the first to be confirmed; or maybe the very last so we don’t have to go long until we can celebrate our birthdays together.”

a part of her had been dreading this first month (or few, is it?) because they’ll be stuck in the pure concept. “i wonder what they’ll do once they get their fill of pure girls. will the rest of us be whisked away?” chungha sighs and shrugs. “stay by my side for the rest of the project. we’re february babies. we have to stick together.”

she was joking, of course, although it would be nice to have someone she could rely on. someone she could speak to. she’s not sure what the rest of these months will look like but chungha was hopeful. even if it was just a tiny bit.

rksevngah:

Flower Talk

rkxluda·:

Ludachuckled, “Not very specific, but I think that will suit the roomso far very well,” she smiled. Both Minhee and her seemed to likecalm but pretty decoration and it would be nice if that continuedwith Seungah, to give the room a nice feeling, but it seemed asthough there would be no problem with that. “What about plants?”she wondered, those easily suited almost everything, depending on thepot, but that could be changed. Plus they were calming and betteredthe air.

Thegirl almost shivered at the thought. While she would’ve loved to go,she was glad to have avoided the cold by staying home. “Oh?” shesaid surprised, not wanting to sound overly childish in herexcitement. “I’m sure they’re the cutest!”

“Haveyou lived by yourself before?” she asked, taking a cute figure outof a shelf, to get a closer look, but deciding to put it right back,after seeing how messy the colouring was.

seungah looked at the multiple different decorations, it was nice to take some time now to be able to do this – who knows how busy she would be when she actually debuts and promotes. there were many different thoughts in her head. seungah wanted nothing more than to keep everything relaxed for her, “you know, i’d kinda like a bonzai tree?” she nodded, smiling over at luda – even if they were hard work, she thought it would suit the current vibe of the room she was sharing with the two other girls.

“they are pretty adorable, i’ll show you when we get back alright?” it was such a simple thing but seungah found them adorable even if they were a little childish.

her fingers dragged over a sleek white lamp, “yes i have,” she nods slightly, “i have lived by myself for the last three years actually, ” seungah remembers moving into her own apartment in her last year of university – it was all very new to her but it was in preparations for her life as a working adult… becoming a trainee halted that ( not that she had any issue with it ), “i’m sure it’ll be different living with everyone but i’m also looking forward to it.”

Luda’s eyes lit up at the mention of the tree, having seen a ton of different kinds and always having found them pretty, she thought they were a good choice. Personally, she’d always feared that they might wilt too quickly in her care. She was curious which type the other would show her.

“A bonsai will fit in just perfectly,” she said. Her own plants were, while cute, perhaps a little plain in appearance, so something a little fancier would surely suit the room well, especially in someone else’s care. And she still felt this way, even if Seungah was to eye a rather calm looking one.

“How was it to live alone?” she asked curiously, “I’m sure dorm life will be fun, too, but also a little bit exhausting maybe, once everyone’s moved in.” After all they’d be twelve girls in a rather small space, there was bound to be some difficulty here and there, no matter how good she was at avoiding confrontations.

Flower Talk

rksevngah·:

when she had deicded to move, seungah decided that she wanted to briung any of her property from her apartment. instead she had decided to give it all to her mother, that way the older woman could be surrounded by things she loved and hopefully that would create a peaceful envionment for her. with her upcoming debut, seungah did worry about her mother health but she was sure – with her mother being surrounded by nice people, she would be well taken care of.

“hmm,” she ponered at luda’s question, “i’d like something that gives off a peaceful feeling?” she chuckles, before realizing what she sounds like, “that wasn’t very spesific at all…” she muses playfully as she walks past the different decorative items in the shelves, pursing her lips as she wondered about what she should get for her part of the room.

“iceland was great – cold but great,” she nods slolwy, “i got presents for everyone though… i bought 12 sheep,” she wrinkles her nose and grins amused at how she sounds, “they are adorable, i’ll show you when we get back…” 

Luda chuckled, “Not very specific, but I think that will suit the room so far very well,” she smiled. Both Minhee and her seemed to like calm but pretty decoration and it would be nice if that continued with Seungah, to give the room a nice feeling, but it seemed as though there would be no problem with that. “What about plants?” she wondered, those easily suited almost everything, depending on the pot, but that could be changed. Plus they were calming and bettered the air.

The girl almost shivered at the thought. While she would’ve loved to go, she was glad to have avoided the cold by staying home. “Oh?” she said surprised, not wanting to sound overly childish in her excitement. “I’m sure they’re the cutest!”

“Have you lived by yourself before?” she asked, taking a cute figure out of a shelf, to get a closer look, but deciding to put it right back, after seeing how messy the colouring was.

starstruck!

rksevngah​:

this was something seungah now had to get used to she was sure of that much, getting randomly appraoched and recognized but it all made her feel a little odd. after all, it hadn’t been that long ago since she was just a normal trainee ( having gone through a survial already but albeit just a trianee ) – she smiles at the female as she notices her. if she wasn’t mistaken, kang mina, she was one of the newer girls added to the heartz project this month.

“welcome,” she nods her head at her, “you can call me seungah,” a soft chuckle escapes her moth as she observes the younger female, tilting her head as she can’t help but find her a little adorable, “welcome to this adventure,” she wasn’t entierly sure what to say but to distract herself she wondered about the last name.. kang, it was a popular last name so seungah didn’t think that mina and daniel were related but imagine the odds if they were.

“i am doing good, how are you doing?”

it was an awkward situation but she was determine to make it comfortable for herself and for the younger girl as well, “how long have you been a trainee?”

she had felt this way about the other girls she had run into who were also mga contestants, but the girl reallycouldn’t get over how she looked so much prettier in person. perhaps she does look like she’s making a fool of herself right now, but she couldn’t help it. it’s still surreal that she’s able to be in such a big project with the other. especially with the fact that mina is veryaware of all the talent that lee seungah has. (only she can wish to be as talented of a vocalist as her). 

the intimidation is strong,but mina takes a deep breath. if she was able to do it with the other girls and become their friends, what’s to say she can’t gain one more? “ah! thank you. it’s an honor being on this adventure with you,” she answers with a smile and a small nod. “i’m doing fine! and to answer your question, i haven’t been with sphere that long. i got casted a month ago, so everything is still reallynew to me.” 

“i- uh- i actually know who you are. my brother was on the mgas during your season and he did some stages with you! like the deja vu performance! you did really well for that stage!” she says with a big smile. “i… i’m actually really glad i ran into you, because i wanted to congratulate you on your debut. ‘let me know’ is a really good song and you did really well singing it!” she finds herself laughing out of nervousness. god she’s so awkward. she wishes she could be doing this better. 

―a sight for sore eyes ༄

rksevngah:

only days were left until her debut was finalized, until the music video for her song was going to be released and she figured she wanted to see people before she couldn’t anymore. today’s summer party had made her realize how much she actually wanted to see him before her official debut, who knows how busy she would be then and she wanted to appreciate all the moments she could with him before that time. gray performing their song alone gave her bitter sweet feelings, as she wanted to be on stage with him but couldn’t be.

was she there to see her mom? yea– but she could see her mother the next day, right now she had a more pressing matter and someone she wanted to see even more, “i wanted to see you,” she as bluntly and as a matter of fact, “so i will have some tea…” tea was such an odd concept, especially now– considering their current relationship, it was no longer that of only friends.

they were together.

seungah walked past him and into his apartment, looking around she realized how long it had been since she had been inside– this felt new, seungahtook her shoes off and stepped into the hallway, glancing back at the older as she could swear to herself that she smelled an incredily familiar scent ( that was not tea ).

“did you have fun on stage today?” she asks him, the answer she already knew because he looked like he had fun while on stage.

“oh, is that so?” the older asked, shyly hiding a grin behind his hand. her boldness took him off guard every time, but it made him happy.

his heart jumped a little, when she agreed on his invitation and came in to have some tea. it was not like it was a first time, in fact seungah had been over several times before: for dinner, for song recordings or to take care of him, when he was drunk. his apartment was no secret to him and yet, he was nervous, conscious with her around, now that things were different between them. she was now his girlfriend and his lover, her presence made his heart race. even if she had been over several times, as it had been a while, it more felt like a first time.

gray followed behind and closed the door, before wrapping his arms around her shoulders to pull her into a backhug. he closed his eyes and took in her scent. it was a familiar one, one he had been missing for a little while now. “i’ve been thinking about you today.” embarrassed about himself, he finally let her go and lead the way into his living room, quickly disappearing into the kitchen to brew up some tea for her.

when he returned with cups and a tea pot, he gave her a little smile at her question. “yes, i had fun. the view was amazing and the mood was great. this is the kind of stage i would like to perform at in the future. ” the male hummed happily, as he sat himself down next to her, nudging her lightly with his knee. their touches weren’t as casual as before and sometimes it still felt awkward, but he was working on it for it to become more natural with the time.

“and you? was it fun for you, seungah?”

// and things go well?

she knew inside her that he had come over with an olive branch, to make things up for last time but right now she felt a little too agitated to even think about that. this whole scenario felt so weird to her. the things he said and how he acted didn’t add up to her, if he didn’t have feelings for her it shouldn’t be an issue for him who she had drinks. listening to him try to explain himself only made it all the more confusing and frustrating for her.

to hear him say he couldn’t help feeling jealous os suwoong when he had come over and then noticed how he seemed to want to run away again.

sooyoung couldn’t help herself.

“are you running away now?”

she asks him, looking at him with a stern glare, if they were friends why were things so difficult for them now, things they had been able to do in the past were hard now. having a mature conversation was something they had done so many times in the past– why couldn’t they have one now?

“you aren’t bothering me,” she says, still looking in his direction, “it is the way we can’t seem to talk properly, and it makes me feel confused.”

sooyoung wasn’t sure where she was going with this, in her head at this very moment there were so many different moments between that kept lingering around. when she had kissed in last february, when she had confessed to him even though she knew she would get rejected… then when they had a proper talk the month prior. things had finally started to go back to normal but now his jealously was getting in the way.

“am i not allowed to have other male friends than you? why? what is going on oppa?”

the more he talked, the more he felt like he made things worse. it was like he spiraled into darkness the more he tried to patch things up and return the old days, the days, when their relationship was still uncomplicated and casual. it was true, part of him just wanted to turn on his heel and run away, he disliked confrontations, liked to keep things rather peaceful. but at the moment that didn’t seem to be possible, considering the topic he himself had brought. he wanted to clear up things once and for all and put a stop to the confusion he caused within both mijoo and him.

even with how they had settled the relationship before, there was no way to pretend nothing had ever happened. her confession was still lingering on his mind, it made him self-aware around her and how many times he had already put her through painful feelings.

“listen, i am not running away, ok? it’s just hard to express myself right now because i don’t know what exactly bothered me about you hanging up with another guy… i don’t quite understand it myself.” he let out a defeated sigh, rubbing at his temples. his life truly turned into a rollercoaster ride of emotions these past months and weeks.

gray shoke his head, avoiding eye contact with her. “no, that’s not what i meant… it’s your life, so of course you are allowed to have male friends. i have female friends myself.” even a female friend and colleague he had a crush on for several months, so why was his head suddenly filled with someone else instead. that was not like him at all, which made things even more confusing.

he finally met eyes with her, heart thumbing in his chest, when he mustered up his courage to ask, what he had been wondering since yesterday. “do you not like me anymore? because… ” a sigh puffed from his lips.

“i think, i like you.”

looking up at the grey sky above him was somehow easing his heart. thick raindrops run down his face, cooled his skin after getting heated up from training. these days were more peaceful than before, and yet his mind felt unable to settle down.

It rained on that day too
I wished time would stop
Close your eyes
Think about that time

the chaos from before had been resolved, things had calmed down. he was moving on, feeling as free as he hadn’t been feeling in a long. about two more months until his contract run out and while his heart was already on the verge to finish this chapter in his life, gray wasn’t too sure if it was complete. four years of dedication had ultimately lead to where he was standing now, realizing how he wouldn’t be able to feel happiness with the paths that had opened up for him after all the times of patience and hard work.

Baby u so beautiful
Can’t take my eyes off you
You’re so fine
Can’t take my eyes off you

a mixture of strange feelings was welling within him, he felt relief over the fact how he would stop being a burden to the only company that had accepted him over the years, and he felt anxious about what was waiting ahead for him. since 2016 the company had become an important part of his life, some kind of anchor in a way. being stripped of it after four years would leave an empty spot for a while, would leave him with the question if he would ever be able to get into another company ever again.

You’re so aromatic
You’re just like a rose
You always dazzle in my eyes
Like the sun
Every day and night
I think of you
You’re like sweet rain in my heart
You make my heart beat

You
Just like the rain

gray breathed out and listened to the sound drumming on the pavement, as he wandered around the night. he was calm, and yet he felt the need to talk, to get the energy out of his system. he missed her, missed her voice, her words, her embrace.

steps lead him back to his home, from which he had moved off an hour ago. it was already too late for him to give her a call or to message her. these days she seemed busier than before and gray wanted to be anything but someone who would stand in the way of her career. the strange sense of melancholy filled him once again, as he walked back in, dripping wet from the rain shower outside, warmth creeping back into his limbs. how was she doing these days, was she eating and sleeping enough? he wondered, as he stared at a photograph. 2am in the morning.

getting into the shower, washing off the cold from the outside world, slipping over comfortable clothes, before settling down on the seat in front of his studio screen.

We’re sharing earphones
Listening to the music
Getting lost in memories, locked in our thoughts
Like the falling rain, yeah yeah
Even if we dont say it
We know each other’s hearts
Hold tight to my lost hands
And hold me in your arms

a melody, rhythm like a nightly stroll in the rain, was filling his head, and wordless he began working. whatever was on his mind or his heart, a good old producing session was always taking away of the negativity he was drowning in. bit by bit, pieces fell together, a framework opened up to him and words were banned onto the yellow papers of his notepad. closing his eyes, he recalled her face, thought of her, whom he wished to see again. gray was not sure what she would think if he opened his mind to her, was not sure what she would say, if she knew what kind of chances he had letting passed by because it didn’t felt right.

but he hoped, seungah would understand.