#❤ htz

rksuas:

this month feels a bit like a whirlwind.  where things seemed to go far too slowly before, days inching by where sua would count down until she could actually deny her contract renewal as if driven by a snail … it all seems too fast now.  now, sphere expects the same out of her that they did back in january, too much time spent in practice rooms and not enough rest.  it’s like they’re telling her once more that they want to break her, but sua is resilient and resistant.  she always has been the rebel with a cause.

this month, aside from her own filming and modeling and recording  -  now, with the addition of chungha, she has a third song to learn in a short period of time.  two songs of her own, and one shared with the second girl in their three part subunit learned in the span of two months.  is it always going to be this hasty?

sua keeps the music sheets in front of her, her face carefully neutral.  love letter is another song that she finds surprisingly to her tastes, and singing it with chungha at her side feels oddly fitting.  turning her attention to chungha, sua tucks back a piece of her now blonde hair  -  that she quite frankly, hates  -  behind her ear before speaking.  “ sorry i haven’t been around to practice with you enough the past week.” she pauses.  “ they’ve had me running everywhere, but .. looking at it, i think this song is good for us.  what do you think?”  

˟ ▀  &. @rkchungha

honestly chungha was still waiting for sphere to pull out the rug from beneath her. it was lingering in her mind every day as she learned the lyrics to singing in the rain. it was more electropop (kind of?) sound but it was definitely unique. it caught chungha’s attention immediately. she had found herself loving it more and more as time went on. sometimes it just didn’t click to her that this song was hers. it wasn’t a cover, it wasn’t homage to another idol, it was hers.

it didn’t seem real.

throw in learning the choreography (which wasn’t too bad, honestly) it really began to cement to chungha that this was it. how crazy was that? her song, her lyrics, her choreography. to add to it: she was even getting a duet with sua who had been confirmed the previous month. chungha’s entire life had been absorbed by the heartz project thus far but it seems like now that’s all her life was. nothing but heartz every day now. it felt chaotic but not in a bad way.

“i like your hair,” chungha tells sua with a smile. it was a little thrilling to be in a subunit with sua. they’ve both come such a long way to get here. it sort of felt….right, almost. she shrugs off sua’s apologies. chungha knew how busy she must have been with her own debut less than a month away and now she has to do a duet with chungha for her debut. it was crazy.

“i can’t expect you to drop everything and sing with me,” chungha jokes. truthfully most of her attention had been on her solo song as well. of course she practised love letter. it was every bit a song of hers as singing in the rain was but it fell to the backburner a bit. especially with her having to do the group evaluation too this month.

“i think i like the sound. it’s kind of slower tempoed but i think it’s really cute. i only heard the track and singing guide. i know it’s going to sound a lot different with our voices.” and the editing and changes to suit their vocals too. even if chungha liked it now, she knows it wouldn’t be the final product. “how have you been doing? excited for next month?”

it’s a little bitter sweet for this being the final month. for her, anyways. after this evaluation she was officially on debut prep. the thought was wild to her. it was official. she was debuting. after so many years it felt surreal.

but a part of her was a little sad to be taken away from the girls like this. right when she finally accepted the idea that she would just stick with them until the end, she actually makes it. how’s that for some cosmic karma? she felt like she had so much more to do with the girls. hang out with them more, go out to eat more, anything. it felt like her time with the girls was numbered until she too was too busy with debut and recording to hang out.

her faze was fixated on heejin once again. a familiar sight, she supposes. they had only recently started to connect. it felt like now there would be no time for that at all. after what should have been way too long of staring at someone, chungha finally said something.

“hey, wanna get dinner after training?”

@rkheejin

。˚∘ ❤

❣ month 8/12: october 
 ❣ end of a journey

another month, another beginning of the month evaluation recap. chungha was neither in high nor low spirits regarding the start of the new month. she knew what this was and how it would go. honestly she just wanted to hear what the new group evaluation would be that she be focusing on. she only had a few more months until everything was over. she thinks a few more isn’t too bad.

she’s by juyeon’s side which has grown typical for her during the heartz predebut project. this was their last time together. juyeon had featured on a previous heartz track which essentially ensured her eventual reveal as a heartz girl. with the announcement of a new subunit with a new concept and sua announced the previous month as a girl, chungha had assumed this month would be juyeon’s. it’s only right.

when the announcements start, chungha thinks she knows how it’s all going to go. but boyeon throws a curveball and it almost knocks chungha on her ass.

kim chungha was the next heartz girl.

hearing those words felt like an out of body experience. like her conscious was disconnecting from her physical body. this didn’t feel real. her eyes widen in shock. the congratulatory claps seem to muffle. all she could think about was the next girl of the month is kim chungha. did she really hear those words or is she hallucinating?

the first thing she thinks of was her first day in training: she had flown to korea two days prior to get situated with her grandmother and to get enrolled into school. the day before had been spent taking the topik exam and placement tests. she was beyond exhausted but somehow she had so much energy.

the first time walking through the halls of sm were as surreal as the moment of her being announced as a heartz girl. it felt like a dream. like a very lucid dream. she felt weightless almost as if she were drifting through the rooms from one schedule to the neck. it seemed impossible but it was real. it was very real the next day when she had to come after her first day of school. it was very real when she was struggling to make it all work.

this was real too.

almost half of her life was dedicated to this dream. she had come close once before but it seemed like there would be no opportunities anymore since leaving sm. and kt had been a nightmare of an experience. but here she was on the other side. 11 years later and this was her moment. she thought it would never come. she was close to throwing in the towel to this silly dream and yet….it happened.

boyeon and seungkwan keep talking about evaluations this month, giving everyone the usual rundown. chungha wasn’t listening but she could make a guess based off what she knew already. they also handed her her schedule for solo prep. she was going to have a solo.

when she fully zoned back in she realised she was crying. she had been this entire time. boyeon and seungkwan were on their way out. the packet in her hand was trembling. “oh my god,” she whispered. only juyeon could hear, surely, but the sentiment was already readable on her expression anyhow.

fuck– she couldn’t believe it. it was happening. it was really happening.

chungha felt like she could die right then and still feel as though it was a life fulfilled.

gahyecnrk:

let me down slowly.

a closed starter for @rkchungha

the month has gone by fairly quickly ( and oddly painlessly ) for gahyeon … for once, and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. she feels like it’s the calm before the storm, before she inevitably doesn’t get chosen and just gets to watch her friend move on without her. maybe she’s wrong, but she’s not entirely sure - all she knows is that there’s a not-good feeling stirring in her chest as she waits for the month to end. but it doesn’t seem to come fast enough.

not that gahyeon wants the project to be over, she enjoys working with the other girls and all - but she certainly wasn’t built for this sort of thing. she should’ve realized when she’d heard it was basically a competition behind-the-scenes that it just wasn’t going to be something she was comfortable with. and yet, here she was - all she wanted to d was her best. so, she’d try. and trying she was. gahyeon wasn’t sure the last time she’d worked so hard for something, let alone something she wasn’t even sure she wanted. with sua gone most of the time, gahyeon didn’t really focus her attention on taking care of herself as much. after all, there wasn’t really anyone that seemed to pay enough attention to realize how long she was spending in the studio. 

which was why at the end of this particular practice, gahyeon felt exhausted. it wasn’t often that gahyeon actually let it take over her, however this time around gahyeon couldn’t bring herself to stand in the practice room any longer, her body ached and she just wanted to relax for a little while after practice. which is when she linked arms with chungha and threw on a bright smile. “unnie ~ we should go get some dinner or something … i feel like we’ve barely spoken this entire time we’ve been together. ”she points out with a pout. “we should enjoy the time together while we have it. ”she says with a nod.

chungha couldn’t lie: her mind has been all over the place. with mina moving in, her own inner turmoil with the project and missing the absolute crap out of her girlfriend, chungha was basically spacey most of the time. it must have seemed as though that she stopped caring but the truth was the opposite. she cared so much. too much. it threw her in for a loop.

but since coming to her conclusion on her own, she feels a lot lighter. she’s not taking every month so seriously to the point where she feels worthless. with this new outlook she sort of accepted what she expects to be the inevitable: she won’t be joining the heartz lineup. but she’s fine with taking the back seat and supporting the heck out of the girls. she refuses to take this idea and just be bum weight. she will perform every month (and try her damndest not to care about the decision) and will give it her all during group evaluations. just because she doesn’t think she’ll make it doesn’t mean she should make it any harder for the girls.

she’s feeling better than she’s felt since the project started.

she smiles at her friend when they link arms. ah, food sounded like a lovely idea. “yes we should!” she leans into yoojung with a smile. they were at each other’s hips the first month she joined the project but since then it seemed as though they’ve gotten distant. chungha fully blamed herself for it. she should have putting more effort on checking up on the other.

“yeah let’s eat something big and hearty!” she offers with a grin. she leads the other out of the practise room and down the hall. they could go to one of the restaurants that are down the street from the building. it’ll be a bit expensive but it’d be worth it for the sake of them spending time together. “i know i’ve been all over the place lately. i’m so sorry, yoojungie. it’s been kind of crazy lately….” but still, it wasn’t right for her ignore her friend.

“i missed you so much.”

。˚∘ the way your heart goes ;

juyeonrk​:

juyeon feels like an absolutefool for reacting the way she did. her timing couldn’t of been worse, nor her reply. if juyeon was in chungha’s shoes, she too would be immensely uncomfortable, and probably on the brink of tears. she hopes her apology is enough to make up for any harm done. she laughs quietly, more awkwardly than anything, brushing at her bangs with her fingers. juyeon was tempted to open herself up to chungha, more than ever; to reveal a part of herself that even she barely knew. she feels the words well in her throat, edging to the tip of her tongue but she couldn’tverbalize a secret she had locked away, deep in her heart for years upon years.

her fingertipstremble as she types out the words. juyeon had been in this situation countless of times, writing out messages to those she holds close only to backspace every single word until she was staring at nothing but a blank screen. keeping this secret wasn’t detrimental. but it also was, and maybe … just maybe, opening up to chungha, someone like her, juyeon might just feel something. it might be validating to have someone know who shetruly is, someone that isn’t her girlfriend and isn’t her diary or even her ferrets ( who are actually excellent secret keepers ).

juyeon’s brows furrow, watching chungha’s face intently, desperate to read her reaction to the text written on the screen between them. anything at all. am i the first one to know? she takes in a deep, shaky breath. her lip quivers. juyeon nods slowly. “yeah … well, sort of!” she mumbles. juyeon doesn’t want to out her girlfriend to chungha either, it’s not her place to. and even though she trusted chungha with every fibre of her being, it wasn’t right. chungha reaches out towards juyeon, embracing her with a shrill of what juyeon could only imagine to be excitement. juyeon finds herself on the brinkof beaming, and maybe also crying. she instinctively wraps her arms around chungha and closes her eyes for a moment. she feels … safe. 

“really?” juyeon asks in surprise. juyeon neverfelt like she had to keep her identity in check. she was just, alwaysher. she’s surprised no one caught on earlier.

even if chungha wasn’t the first to know, it felt special all the same. telling anyone something like this was such an important moment. chungha didn’t care if she was the first, fifth or the last person to know; it was the fact that juyeon felt the same level of trust to tell her such an important thing. this wasn’t a tiny secret. not in the entertainment industry. it made her feel so good.

“it doesn’t matter if i am or not,” chungha says, smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. she brushed juyeon’s hair back. “thank you for trusting me.” it’s nice to have people to trust and disclose something important to. it makes you feel less alone. it makes the burden lesser to bear. it was nice to know there was someone she had that she could utterly gush about her girlfriend and not feel weird about it or have to hide her girlfriend’s gender the entire time.

it was so satisfying. chungha felt so happy. it felt like a new chapter for her and juyeon’s friendship. she was excited to see it develop and flourish. she had to laugh at juyeon’s surprise. maybe juyeon felt a little more obviously gay than chungha initially thought. “yeah! i mean, i think the heartz project helped keep you under the radar.” everyone in heartz was kind, open with one another and supportive. although they seem to be growing closer, she’s not sure who would be accepting or not with such a topic. chungha would rather not take the chance either.

“thank you. i’m so happy i told you.” chungha says with a sigh, resting her head on juyeon’s shoulder. “if you ever ….you know, find someone, i’ll be willing to hear all the details. no matter how embarrassing.” she presses a kiss to juyeon’s shoulder before resting her head once again. “i’ll always be on your side.”

make this place home

mxnark​:

after being added into the heartz project, it only made sense for mina to come to this decision. sure, she’s thoughton it for a while now. there were many times in which she asked herself if she could stillhold out a little longer living with her family, considering they didn’t really kick her out yet. but considering how the environment in that house grew worse the longer she lived there (even more so after being given the contract), she thought it’d be best for herto at least get out of there. 

and yes, though the single bedroom apartment is a big change for her, she’s at least glad that she’ll feel much better living here than she did at her mom’s. she not only gained an older sister figure (who could act like that more often now that they’re both part of heartz together), but also a cuddling buddy!! she wasn’t much of a cuddler, but chungha’s an exception. 

she watches the older fold her clothes as she responds to her fondly, pouting to her response anddoing it more following after the poke. she’s gotten enough of the teasing from daniel, so getting it from chungha enhances the need to whine in response. a part of her wonders if she’d have to deal with this ifshe evers gets the chance to be a heartz member. but she tells herself not to think too much about that possibility. besides, she had to appreciate the now,especially considering she was going to live with someone as coolas chungha. 

“but it’s tradition to eat jajangmyun when you move into a new house, unnie~~~” she whines, just enough so that it’s not unbearably annoying for the older. “and this is my new home, right? so you should reward me with something that can knock me out for the next day, or something!” she giggles after those words come out of her mouth. it’s a way to add to the jokingtone that the other had. 

she gets off the other’s couch to follow after the other. “i’m okay!” she answers with a smile. “i’m actually really excited to live here! i really just hope i won’t be a bad roommate for you.” she pauses to think of what else to say next. “i mean- i hope i can be able to annoy you more, but other than that, i’m just happy to be here.” she’s joking about that… mostly. 

chungha wasted no time getting things done for mina to live comfortably. she thinks she pushed herself to exhaustion by organising the apartment every night after training if only to make sure there was room for the younger. she would have hated for mina to have to live out of a suitcase for however long they manage to live together. it was temporary: so much was temporary until the heartz project was over and chungha didn’t have a doubt in her mind that mina would be chosen.

she laughs at mina. she’s never had a little sister (and probably would never have an actual little sister at this age) but it was adorable to witness mina whine. it made her want to pinch her cheeks and ruffle her hair. mina had the personality and the looks that made you want to protect her or stuff her in your pocket. there’s scientific evidence that babies look cuter to ensure their survival. chungha was convinced the same applied to mina as well. at least it was working thus far.

chungha gives mina another fond smile. “ah, yes! you’re definitely right.” of course she was going to feed her. she was only teasing after all. but she also had to double check that she had the ingredients. she should. what sort of house would it be if she didn’t? their kitchen wasn’t large. just enough for a few bodies to navigate freely without bumping into one another. chungha had specifically wanted dark wood cabinets and a decent fridge. that’s exactly what she got. she opened said cabinets to retrieve the ingredients to start cooking.

“i don’t think you have anything to worry about,” chungha says as she fills the pot with water. “i know it’s going to be a bit tight with us sharing a room but i know we could be considerate of one another.” moving in with anyone was a big change. it could be stressful. lord knows things weren’t perfect for meiqi and chungha when they first moved in way back when.

“i mean if you can clean and not die while i’m gone then by all means you’re already better than a cat or dog.”

“i’m going to miss you.”

she says it randomly one day as they walk the halls. it’s always been on chungha’s mind but when the heartz project finally concludes, she’ll miss a lot fo them. but she would miss her time with juyeon most of all.

juyeon hadn’t been revealed yet but it had already been implied that she has a guaranteed role in the group. it was only a matter of time until they told juyeon she was the girl of the month and soon she too will be busy with preparations. it seems like everyone around her was getting picked and soon chungha won’t have any of her close friends remaining with her. which isn’t an entirely bad thing. that would mean all of her friends made it to debut.

“soon you’re going to be too busy for me then we can never hang out,” chungha says dramatically. she smiles at juyeon though. it’s not all bad. she wraps her arm around the younger’s. “but it’s okay. i’m good at waiting. i’ll even be your number one fan.”

@juyeonrk

。˚∘ i go ;

rkheejin​:

     for as great a memory as heejins, it irks her to no end how she’s unable to really recall a single moment when she and the older woman might have crossed paths in the pass. obviously, it hadhappened— she barely knows chungha, but simply judging from their current initial interaction, heejin sees no real or concrete reason for the older to make up something so trivial— but was brief. it amazes her, then, that chungha can remember, even if only a little ( that’s more than heejin can say for herself ). “in the end, it was trc that wanted me.” even now, the sting of royals disinterest in her is still present, even if small.

     she lets the older get her thoughts out silently, and while she doesn’t respond, her compliment makes heejins cheeks warmer for only a moment.

     that warmth fades almost as quickly as it had come, replaced with brief recollection. if her own supplied moment was right, judging from the wheels she could see turning in the older womans mind, then there were now at least a few points of meeting that could be narrowed down now even further. she wasn’t someone who received flyers very often, and knowing that this was all centered around the colder months, heejin could slowly begin to piece things together from the depths of her memories.

     “it really is strange…” she can’t help but with a small grin of her own, thinking back. “before, and even a little after i was signed, i was so headstrong about royal that i didn’t really give other companies as much of a thought. maybe that’s why i didn’t remember as well as you did me.” heejin was a stubborn girl, but she was even more so a year ago. “kinda dumb now that i think about it.”

“oh wow, trc?” chungha asks, impressed. “trc has high standards. it’s hard to get in there.” not that trc automatically had the best trainees because of its tough criteria but it was still an accomplishment for someone to get in there easily. heejin must have impressed the ceo during the mgas. chungha would comment on her not “looking” like a trc girl but the truth was that trc seemed to be heading in a new direction. it was clear with the musical path that k.arma was taking: trc wasn’t sticking to the same image anymore and they were diversifying their sound. so maybe heejin fit this concept of a new-age trc girl.

she’s (silently) thankful that the conversation continues on and doesn’t linger on the smaller details of “which company” and “how long ago was that” because truthfully, chungha would like to pretend that her time in kt just didn’t exist.

hearing heejin speak about royal immediately reminded her of gahyeon. it makes her chuckle. there’s a fondness in her smile now. “ah, you remind me of my friend. she was the same way about royal. she almost didn’t audition for heartz the first time because she was dead set on royal. and it’s been like ages since she’s been there.” though clearly both girls wised up in their decisions and made their way to the heartz project for an opportunity in the very least for a chance in debut.

“i think everyone is like that because they have this image in their mind. i was like that about the very first company i was ever in. it was a small company and didn’t have a lot of money but i was convinced that i was going to debut and be in the group that uplifted the company to stardom.” thinking about it, it was just disillusioned. wishful thinking. “everyone is a little stupid when they’re younger or new at something. that’s the point of being a novice.”  she laughs.

“but clearly you’re thinking with more clarity. you’re here now, at least!”

gahyecnrk​:

。˚∘ better together ;

the smile that replaces her look of concern when chungha is genuine, albeit still slightlyworried considering she hardly knew how to deal with people crying. and she certainly didn’t want to be the reason why her friend was crying, either. “ well, i’m happy to be here. ”she says, although she’s not quite sure if she completely believes that. but she could say it – maybe one day it would even be true.

gahyeon chuckles slightly and shrugs. “still. plus, you’ve been in the project long – i’ve never … ”she trails off. been given this opportunity ? thought she would ever get the chance to do something like this ? of course, she signed with the idea of debut in the forefront of her mind – but she’d never really planned past getting signed, either. “it’s all just … a lot, you know. i could learn a thing or two. ”she hums. she smiles gently at the other – because it would be nice. whether just for the next few months – maybe even longer. maybe actually managing to do this, together, with her friends at her side … it wouldn’t be so bad. “it would be … so we’ll work hard. ”she says with a determined nod.

she just hoped that mindset would continue throughout the process. gahyeon had to admit, she was nervous – but she’d see this through.

“i’m glad to hear that. ”gahyeon says with a nod. she knew a bit of chungha’s time at kt, but she knew above all else that she just hadn’t been happy. now, however – now was different, thankfully. gahyeon would never want to see chungha struggle the way she had back then. to hear things were great – that maybe she was happier here – was a blessing. she nods slowly at chungha’s words and smiles sheepishly. “it’s … strange. i barely even got the chance to tell them what was going on because we were whisked off to start training here. ”she notes quietly, a little bit shamefully. she and yena hadn’t told anyone they were even auditioning – or at least gahyeon hadn’t told anyone. the fact the two were just shuffled away with nothing more than a goodbye was probably confusing and a bit hurtful. she’d have to explain it one day.

although, should she explain herself for doing something that could potentially bring her happiness ?

“everything’s just been … confusing lately. and when i heard about the second auditions, i thought about what you told me. thought about when you asked the last time – why i didn’t audition … ”she trails off for a moment. “maybe … things will be different here for me, too. ” she says, then shrugs. it wasn’t a guarantee – but it was a possibility. “i know, but still … you all have an advantage. the coaches already expect something from you, and you’ve all gotten to showcase everything for these past months. you and i both know, the wildcards rarely have an advantage. ”she says, lips pursed. “but that doesn’t mean i’m not still going to give everything i have. ”

enough tears. it was getting ridiculous for her to be this overcome with emotion. she sniffled again, wiping her eyes dry of any traces of tears. though her face remained a shade of pink. but her face was full of joy. she already felt her spirit lifting and plateauing safely. unbothered by anything that could possibly bring her down.

“it feels like it’s been forever in the project,” she admits. not everything in sphere is sunshine and rainbows. she isn’t going to pretend that it has been a linear, smooth experience for her. that would be a lie. though chungha also can understand that her experience wasn’t universal. like the person who got chosen first would have an entirely different concept of what this process has been like versus chungha, who has done every single month and hasn’t gotten chosen yet. so chungha tries not to say anything outwardly opinionated. she doesn’t want to get one idea in gahyeon’s head.

though chungha cannot relate to the feeling weird about taking a debut opportunity and just leaving a company, she empathises. if gahyeon felt off about it then that’s valid. “i think if you explained, they’d ultimately understand.” everyone had the same goal in mind after all. if they couldn’t understand gahyeon taking a step in the right direction to achieve their goal then maybe they just didn’t understand. or maybe they’re more jealous about gahyeon having the guts to try and branch out. who knows. “anyone who is or was your friend back then would be happy for you. they should be. haven’t you been in royal long enough?”

chungha is a little surprised that gahyeon actually listened to her. sure what she said was honest on her part. she did think gahyeon needed to make an attempt but considering she was so steadfast on her decision to stay, chungha never questioned it. “i can’t believe you actually thought about that!” she laughs. it made her so happy to even think that her advice would even influence anything.

“honestly, i think you can come in freshly and show something that maybe we’ve lacked so far and they haven’t even realised it yet.” chungha shrugs. “i really feel as though its anyone’s game because the girls from the first audition got spots in heartz quickly. so don’t discount yourself!” but from now on, as much as they loved each other they were now competing for the same goal. what a strange position that puts them in. chungha wasn’t worried though.

“i look forward to every month we spend together. until the end!”

rkyurim​:

— `, ● move, groove, smooth .

yoorim wonders whether she had chosen a bad time to approach, some people has proven themselves to strongly value their independent studies and the opportunity to remain alone—though she doesn’t necessarily get that vibe right now, she feels the need to make sure, regardless. “ah, am i disturbing you then? i can come back later, if that’s better!” she motions towards the door that she came through only moments earlier, brows lifted in a questioning expression and a gentle curve rests on her lips.

“freestyle is difficult… i don’t understand how some people can spit lyrics from the top of their heads with only a word as inspiration, if that even, but i’m jealous.” while she does mean it, yoorim lets out a soft chuckle that can disguise her enviousness with admiration and a light heart. it’s not like she has spent a whole lot of time practicing rap anyway, or writing lyrics—she has tried producing before, with the help of her half-brother, but that’s about it, and she didn’t do particularly well, unfortunately.

now, it’s her turn to sigh— if only she could beatbox the day away, that would be nice. “me? i’m not really up to much, chatting with you right now.” it’s a bad joke, one that makes her blush in mild unease as she still wonders if she is bothersome. goddamn. why is she so shy, all of a sudden? she then clears her throat, as quietly as she possibly can, and reaches up to run slim fingers through long locks of hair. “actually, i’m still a little confused about what to do right now. i’m not all that creative myself.”

ultimately, yoorim is simply roaming around right now, trying to come up with something productive to do with her time. surely, if she can’t think of anything, she can always practice perfecting the songs for the upcoming evaluation, but instead, she finds herself here, in chungha’s practice room.

chungha shakes her head. it was no problem for the younger to come around and distract her. it was welcomed. chungha was getting nowhere fast anyhow. it was no sweat off her back if she spent her independent study doing something more interesting. “i promise you’re not bothering me. you’re probably saving me from utter boredom.”

some people just had the talent. it was difficult to replicate that calibre of natural creativity. even if someone worked their damnedest, they still won’t sound as natural as those who are quick witted. “it really is so hard. i think i’m a fast thinker in other things but in freestyle? i’d get murdered.” if she ever participated in a cypher she’d be eaten alive. not that chungha foresaw herself at any cyphers in the future but that wasn’t the point. “i can try and get better but it’s hard to reprogram your brain that way, i guess.”

she gives yoorim a kind smile. she had been in her position before when she first started sphere. independent study could be a moment of a freakout especially if you didn’t have any creative talents. it might seem like some free time but it wasn’t. trainees were scolded for not using their time efficiently. “i know the feeling. you kind of feel directionless right now, hm?”

for a new trainee it could seem like doing so much at once is overwhelming and useless. would they really need to learn a bunch of instruments? how often would they be able to use their talents? chungha went through the same thing.

“i guess you can use this time to think of something that’s a little more creative that you want to do. or maybe you can do what i did when i first came: i used it to go to the gym more or to practise on my evaluations. creative things aren’t limited to lyrical writing. it could be choreographies, songs, catchphrases, working on your health.” it could be anything and everything but it took a while for anyone to get that in their head. “it’s a nice kind of wind down after a long training day.”

。˚∘ glitz ;

rkxluda​:

“It was really hard, especially with barely any experience, but it could’ve been worse, I think, I just had to look calm, shy, and maybe a little bit longing,” she chuckled. But she really was glad that she didn’t get anything more complicated. She really had filmed a lot though, probably best seen in the almost 10 minute long film version. She still wasn’t quite sure whether filming that much was normal, or whether they’d specifically wanted to make that version.

“Not yet, but it would be nice if we could all go together and see different parts of the world,” she smiled, though she was almost sure that they’d take only those necessary, after all plane tickets weren’t cheap. “Especially if they continue this for all subunits,” she said, though it would be interesting too, if the other units got their own, special thing.

“Maybe you’ll get a spot in the next unit, since it seems like they’re aiming for girl crush,” she wondered. I would be much easier to see who’d fit if they already knew the songs they would be chosen for. Though that would require all songs to have been chosen already and Sphere could still be choosing for the last unit.

Luda nodded to show her understanding, curious if that would change soon. 

“i mean we all start somewhere!” she offered optimistically. not everyone came out of training ready to be on video. some struggled with lip syncing, some looked awkward in final cuts of the video. that’s to be expected. it was nothing to be worried about. but chungha understands wanting to do well and being frustrated when it doesn’t come out how you envision it. “i think you did great. i think you’re a natural for the camera!”

as if to prove her point, chungha holds up her thumb and index fingers to form a square. “the camera would love you luda~ and everyone who watches will fall in love too. it’s fate!” she chuckles. though chungha always figured actual soloists would be lonely on set doing something like that, the heartz girls wouldn’t truly be alone. they have the girls and other filming to do together. it must be tiring….but incredibly fun.

“honestly if sphere manages to send everyone all over the world….wow….they must have a lot of faith in us.” usually it was the opposite: newer groups weren’t invested like that. sphere was dropping bank to create their videos whether people realised it or not. but chungha figures they had the funds for it. convex was a successful group after all. “who knows, maybe that’s the concept of heartz: they’re world travellers!”

ah, if only that were guaranteed. “i hope so. i’m not sure what the last subunit’s concept is going to be but i feel like if i don’t get into the girl crush unit i’m boned.” although chungha says this with a chuckle, she doesn’t find it to be a laughing matter. it’s more true than she lets on. although of course there’s always a chance for her to (somehow) suit the last subunit concept, she was really banking on the next subunit. “i wonder how heartz will be as a group if everyone has such different visuals and concepts. how would fans of subunits be able to be fans of the group too?”

― heavy sighs ༄

rkhsy​:

she nodded along with what the female was saying, right now it didn’t seem like there would be much competition– but she had seen so many more girls at seocho. “maybe they will do an audition call again later?” she wonders out loud, though she did believe they would do that, “there might also be more in general audition calls, like for commoners i mean– girls that aren’t in other companies.” right now it was all just speculation but it looked like that would be the case for now.

the entire project still felt like a blur, it still being the first month of announcement made it even more secretive. from the sound and looks of it– it would be somewhat pure and innocent but sooyoung was sure, she was well past the age of acting like a pure girl– although she would do her best to portray the right emotion, it still felt weird to her and hearing chungha also express her dislike for concepts like this… somehow made her feel like they were kindred spirits.

“if i were to be completely honest, i was really reluctant to audition… just because they looked for pure girls,” she smiles sheepishly while running her fingers through her fringe, “i don’t think i suit this kind of concept but… at the same time, i know groups also change concepts and i didn’t have anything to lose really.” after all she had more to gain– when would be the next time she would be presented with an opportunity like this? would she have been willing to wait that long and now she had put it all on the table, if she didn’t get picked, she would give up. she wanted to live her life properly after all, despite everything she had gone through over the last two years, “

a flare of excitement appeared in her eyes, hearing they were born the same month ( a year separating them ) but still, “that’s such a coincidence though,” she smiles happily, “maybe, just maybe, if we both end up debuting together… we could celebrate together,” she nods and smiles… it was a bold request she was sure but at the same time, chungha was a sphere trainee, regardless of when she got signed ( why wouldn’t she be chosen as a girl.. this would be a long debut project after all ).

“who knows what they’ll do?” companies like to be vague and mysterious with their choices. it’s as if they’re on a constant power trip with the fate of their lives in their hands, dismissive of what happens and whose feelings they hurt. companies will always do as they please. chungha is automatically prepared for the worst. what if they’re not satisfied with any of them and just brings a whole new batch of girls? both from other companies and new auditions? though who is she kidding. they already brought seungah over because clearly none of them were main vocal material. “if they really wanted to they can make the entire group be nothing but girls outside of sphere.” that would have been a real smack in the face.

chungha hums in surprise. although when she thinks pure, of course she doesn’t think of seungah. but that doesn’t mean she thinks that seungah can’t suit a pure concept. “i don’t think your personality is very pure but i think you have the visuals for it.” which means she works. not to mention her voice. seungah could easily fit the bill of an angel: pure, beautiful and even has the voice to back it up. “at least you tried though. i bet you would have waited for ages for even a debut opportunity again had you stayed in nova.”

she smiles at the other, holding up her pinky. “i promise if we both get in i will gladly share my birthday with you for the rest of our lives.” it was a cute promise. there was no telling what the future held for them. “who knows, maybe we’ll even be the first to be confirmed; or maybe the very last so we don’t have to go long until we can celebrate our birthdays together.”

a part of her had been dreading this first month (or few, is it?) because they’ll be stuck in the pure concept. “i wonder what they’ll do once they get their fill of pure girls. will the rest of us be whisked away?” chungha sighs and shrugs. “stay by my side for the rest of the project. we’re february babies. we have to stick together.”

she was joking, of course, although it would be nice to have someone she could rely on. someone she could speak to. she’s not sure what the rest of these months will look like but chungha was hopeful. even if it was just a tiny bit.

shock attack

mxnark​:

when chungha repeats to her what she had proudly announced, she puts her hands on her hips and gives a confident pose (much like how the animal crossing villagers do it). “i sure did!” she answers with a big grin. “he was also his usual sappyself with me. you know how he is. super wholesome and stuff.” she’d say something a little more meaner,but she holds back from it. she wouldn’t want the wrong staff member to get the wrong impression.

she’s confused as to why chungha’s smile gets off her face, her confused look showing on her face. before she asks as to what’s wrong, the older holds her hand gently to lead her to the cafeteria for breakfast. it’s great, considering she was feeling hungry anyway, but she couldn’t help but still feel concerned over the other girl.

she pouts at first when chungha explains that the both of them won’t spend that much time together, but her face lights up at the mention of chungha being in a projectfor sphere’s new girl group. “heartz, right?” she asks with excitement. “i’ve seen the songs they’ve released so far. they seem really cool-”

she pauses. that wasn’t her mainpoint. “but oh my gosh, unnie. that’s amazing! i’m so happy you got this opportunity!” she says excitedly. she’d pull the other into a hug again, but this time she just holds her hand tighter so she doesn’t potentially embarrass the other… again. “two years sounds like a lot, but as long as you’re going to be successful in the end, then that’s all that matters! because if you don’t end up debuting, i’ll be super upset.”

speakingof breakfast, the sound of her stomach growling is louder than she wanted it to be. she finds herself blushing. “hopefully, thatwon’t happen in the future,” she says with a light laugh. she clears her throat. “it sucks that i won’t be able to see you as much, but i’ll try to make the time we see each other count! starting… now… with wherever you usually sit.”

chungha nodded. the respect was on her face. “you know for all the shit i pull with your brother not even i managed to do that. good job,” she says, rising her hand to high-five the younger for her efforts. “ah yes the godly child that he is.” chungha jokes. but she’s quick to add, “he’s probably so happy to have you here.” thinking to the rough months both she and daniel had some time ago affirmed that even if he denied it, chungha knew he was glad to have his sister in the same company as he. he’s lonely, chungha wants to say but she knows not to.

she and daniel were alike in that respect.

ah there goes the mention again of debut and a good opportunity. she has been in better spirits since her talk with both daniel and juyeon but she still can’t shake the sour chord the twanged when the heartz project was ever mentioned. “yeah they’re really cool.” and they were. the videos were divine and as chungha has seen online, there seems to be a connection between the girls and their music. how incredibly clever and innovative. chungha wonders if she’ll ever be amongst them but she doesn’t say this to mina. she can’t let it become something of doubt. “thank you!”

she manages a smile and purposely doesn’t say anything about what her reaction would be like if she didn’t debut. (she’d be pissed) but her stomach is growling as if on cue for something to eat. “it’s okay, really!” she says with a soft smile. though the truth is her heart ached that she wasn’t going to spend any time with mina. she wanted to be with her, watch her learn the ropes. she wants to see her reaction to the gym facilities or how she fairs in the showers. chungha wants to be next to her every step of the way. remembering that she wouldn’t be there has her bringing mina back into her embrace, laughing as she waddles them over towards the line. “i sit in the middle because i like being the centre of attention,” chungha jokes. it wouldn’t be long until daniel joined them as well.

“promise me you’ll survive your first day. i feel so bad for leaving you on your own like this.”

❣ evaluation 7/12: september 
❣not shy - itzy
❣ prep & performance

how bitter sweet was it for her to finally get the amount of lines other girls have been getting for months. yet it’s the end of the line: only 5 spots are left (truly, only four as juyeon was already ensured to have a position in the lineup). her hopes of debuting were dwindling quickly yet instead of falling into a depression or feeling wildly insecure about it; the girl has finally made peace with it.

she won’t moan or gripe about heartz anymore. it’s not worth it. the half of year of exhaustion was enough. and the girls are talented and ever-deserving of debut maybe chungha never stood a chance in the first place and was only added into the pre-debut stock out of courtesy of giving everyone a fair chance.

she tries her hardest with group evaluations. her focus isn’t on herself but the others. not shy was a song she adored since release and she was familiar with the choreography from multiple positions and held no hesitation to jump up and assist whomever needed help. her energy was bright, filled with pride for the girls around her. seven months has brought a lot of goodness. they all have improved greatly. chungha would need to be blind to not notice that they don’t need as much guidance from one another as they needed back in march.

there’s always words of encouragement and hype from chungha. she offers to review solo decisions, playing encouraging audience member or a critical eye whenever needed. she chances of debuting were always slim but now she figures she’d just be happy to go along the journey by their side and witness the group form first hand even if the finalised lineup didn’t even include herself. chungha would be satisfied with just that.

she doesn’t share this with anyone — not even with meiqi, whom she tells everything without hesitance — because it’s a thought to keep to herself. no, she wasn’t fishing for pity or for encouragement. nor was she afraid of her not making the cut. at this point she just had to accept it for what it was: a fierce competition. someone has to lose after all right?

her plan is already clear. by the time the group is doing full run throughs of the group performance she already knows what she’s going to do. she will ride out the entire pre-debut project of heartz (or however long they keep her if they decide to cut their losses early and let her go) and she will complete her sphere contract. she has over a year remaining, after all. then she will retire. for good, this time. it’s not too late to go to college and get her degree like her mother badgered her about as a backup in case this silly “dream” of hers didn’t work out.

she just wasn’t looking forward with telling her mother she was right.

chungha won’t move back to the states. she has too much here: friends, coworkers; her love is here. leaving seoul would be like leaving a part of herself (and god knows that not living with meiqi while in the same city is distance enough for them). she’ll get herself a nice part time job. maybe something in an office. maybe a daycare to keep the same exercise she gets from training. who knows.

was this what her mother meant when she said someday life would sober her up? reality exists. even if chungha pushes for it as hard as she can for as long as she did, it didn’t always guarantee success.

that’s fine, she thought with a smile as the girls prepped to do another run through. she desperately wanted a drink of water and her throat was a little scratchy but if they had energy for another go around then she would. for them. she’d do anything for them.

she wants to see them go the distance.

rkyurim:

— `, ● move, groove, smooth .

when introduced to the heartz project, yoorim was obviously curious about the other participants and immediately upon meeting them all, she searched and observed all the girls. chungha, however, aside from the coaches, being the first she laid eyes on— she quickly recognized her and admittedly, she still finds herself somewhat intimidated by the elder trainee’s beauty.

it has been a few days now since yoorim was added to the competition and while busy practicing for two performances, her focus lies with getting to know the others. some might say she is foolish for spending time making friends with them, others might say she is clever for doing so; in her honest opinion, yoorim would rather prioritise being on good terms with them all first.

it’s during independent training that she approaches the other, who she happens to find by herself too. she hopes that she isn’t interfering when she slyly slides over, soft beatboxing gradually becoming louder the more confident she becomes in her own skin. shyness is typically not a word in yoorim’s vocabulary, she has grown self-conscious as one of the newest trainees.

her smile is coy when she fully reaches up to the other, shoulders slightly risen in a defensive (yet cute) manner. “hey, unnie~ what you up to?”

  — ● a closed starter for @rkchungha .

independent study time has always driven chungha wild. what was she to improve on? she felt like she had nothing in the creative sphere that was worth doing. sure, she wanted to be a better freestyler but that was heavily dependent on being a clever lyricist.

perhaps she should start there.

it resulted in her scrawling of lyrical nonsense that was more embarrassing than anything but it was earnest in her attempts. she had to start somewhere. sometimes “somewhere” was really corny nursery-esque rhymes that would make a real rapper laugh. rap had nuance, had depth and was actually clever. heartfelt. that was the real shit. it was going to drive her nuts pushing herself to be better. chungha was incredibly impatient.

a part of her welcomes the distraction when it comes her way. she wasn’t getting anywhere fast so there was no point running herself ragged trying. her eyes flicker to the other as she beatboxes, mildly amused by this mode of grabbing attention. her smile is kind when yoorim finally reaches her. the last thing she wanted to do was talk about her stuff. she sighs.

“failing at some freestyles. i never know what to do during this time. i’m not the most creatively inclined so this slot of free time feels maddening.” and it almost freaks her out that if she isn’t productive, she feels like she’s a failure. wow, has this industry really trained her into thinking that every moment of her time should be on improving and being better. independent study was so hard without a teacher to guide her with what to do. “what are you up to? other than beatboxing your day away?”

。˚∘ i go ;

rkheejin​:

     the older womans denial causes her brows to raise, chunghas strong insistence doing fairly well to convince heejin that what she’s saying must be true, and that alone is something she finds odd. sure, random encounters while going about your days on the streets can happen, but unless heejins memory was suddenly beginning to fail her, she can’t seem to remember a time where they’d have met that would leave as strong an impression on her as the older woman seemed to recall.

     “it was for last years season of the mgas— i was in the runner up group. that’s actually where i was offered my contract,” she answers, brows beginning to furrow just the tiniest bit. in her mind, her appearance then seemed to be what people recognized her now the most for, but if the show brought no more memories to the surface, they must have met even before then.

     “i’ve never busked before, so that’s not an option…” now she’s starting to get annoyed, not with chungha, but with her own inability to remember where they could’ve possibly met. “maybe during an event that took place in the winter since you said it was cold…or…” it’s then that her mild frown relaxes a bit, head tilting. “have you handed out flyers?”

the mention of the mgas makes chungha twitch her nose. although no that’sdefinitely not where she knows her from, at least it was an interesting tidbit of information to know about the younger. knowing the show, it must have been the summer and she must have been a trainee since its conclusion. so it meant she was within her first year of training and with such a great opportunity too. lucky. “who did you sign with?”

(with her luck the girl will say kt)

she did seem a bit young so the lack of busking checks out. and there tends to be less and less busking as the weather turns cold so the chances of that being remotely accurate was abysmal as well. and it bothered chungha to no end. where did she know her from.

“you’re too cute for it to be a random encounter. i’m decent with remembering faces but not without something happening you know? did i help you find your way or–” ah. the girl says it. immediately it clicks in to her head. that it must have been flyers but now the issue was which time?

she had joined kt in november so it had already turned frosty. and that would have been embarrassing if it was that. but she had also joined sphere in the frost of february. maybe even if it had been during her time in kt, the girl didn’t remember. how many people actually kept those flyers that they handed out? “yeah i’ve handled them before.” she hoped they could just brush past that and avoid the discussion of which company it actually was.

“that was such a long time ago. who would’ve thought we’d end up right back here? wow.” it brought a lopsided smile to her face. gone was the furrow in her brows “sometimes the world feels so small after all.”

rkheunji​:

“fair enough, on the music side, i will say that it’s an ear-worm.” it was a very catchy track to promote. and the more she listened to chungha, the more she nodded her head agreement. while it wasn’t something she ever really wanted to perform herself, to do in the company wasn’t a big deal. “i will say my favorite part of is the choreography.” the fact that you had to move as a unit. 

she even agreed with helping the weakest vocalist and dancer but eunji wasn’t sure who fell under that and it didn’t seem right to ask. “i guess it’ll be the perfect song to help us learn to dance as a unit.” she could just see them bumping into each other and making a mess of things, though it did make her giggle a bit. “image us all bumping into each other and falling down.”  

“earworm?” chungha repeats. she’s never heard that expression before. “like it burrows into your ear? like that?” she supposes it was a good thing. earworms like where they stayed….right? maybe that’s what eunji meant. chungha could only figure. but chungha finds herself nodding. “the choreography is really great!”

she isn’t sure why eclipse isn’t spoken about more. their choreographies could be really interesting at times. although chungha prefers their day concepts over their night concepts, it was still really interesting.

chungha shook her head. she didn’t want to imagine it. it might seem cute and fun but not to her. she didn’t want to risk them messing up. “i’d rather not. the best bet we have is to run through the dance together. learn a section then perform it then learn the next bit. that way we’ll be able to get it down.” a choreography like this was more difficult than what they were used to.

“don’t be afraid to slide in between each other in the dance. don’t flinch. we should all be fine!”

rkheunji:

“unnie!” her was bright, too bright but eunji tried to ignore it. now that she was at the company and preparing for their group evaluation, she had to focus on doing well for this. and not that the fact that she hadn’t debuted yet. “two things.” eunji dropped her bags on the floor. “how are you feeling about our song this month?” she did like news, it was also very different from what the company had them doing so far. karma was sexy. 

“that and do you have any idea of what you want to do for this month?” it was still early enough to figure something out but she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do herself. “at this point, i have no idea what the company wants to see from me.” she tried bad-ass, cute and everything in between. 

@rkchungha

chungha turned upon hearing someone call out to her. it’s funny: herself from a few years ago wouldn’t have tolerated a few people calling her unnie like this. only people she was closest to. yet now it seemed to be a common name of hers amongst most of the heartz girls. chungha wasn’t complaining. she didn’t mind nowadays.

“what’s up?” chungha asked, all smiles for the younger girl. eunji and she always touched base with one another. while they weren’t the closest out there, they definitely had a stable friendship. if eunji had any favours, chungha didn’t mind doing them for her. no matter what it was. unsurprisingly it was just questions.

our song; eunji meant the group evaluation song for this month. k.arma definitely had a different vibe from all of the other groups. chungha personally thought luxe and k.arma could go head to head popularity wise. “i like it. i think it’s a different kind of song.” still nothing challenging if chungha wasn’t really doing the most out there.

it was eunji’s second question that made chungha pause and think. “uh…i’m not sure.” she was being honest. at this point she truly felt as if she was running out of steam. what else could she show them that she hasn’t already? soon it’ll just seem like the same thing over and over. “i feel you, honestly. i feel like at this point i don’t have anything new to whip out at them. i tried to keep it fresh by doing performances i like but i also want to bring something impressive to the table, you know?”

and when you’ve shown every part of yourself, you truly run out of things to do. “i’m about an eval away from just doing a stand up comedy skit. that’s the only thing i haven’t shown them at this point.”

。˚∘ turning point ;

yuzurk​:

yuzu smiles fondly at chungha’s words. gahyeon being proud of her friendgroup was true. she was amazingly grateful to be considered among them and that the female actually had decided to move to sphere with her for them to go on this challenge. meeting even before yuzu got into royal to now potentially debuting together; she wished nothing more than to see this journey through with gahyeon. 

“I guess y’can say we’re also pretty proud of her,” she counters with a grin, hands disappearing into her sweatpants pockets. she decides to follow chungha blindly for now, trying to memorize the way as she leads them down the hallway to the practice room. she makes a mental note to remember the jajangmyeon deal. yuzu did love jajangmyeon. “are the portion sizes good too?”after all she ate more than people would probably think.

“sounds like good advice to be honest. is it always two songs? one group n’ one solo performance y’gotta prepare yerself,” she inquires, looking at chungha curiously. “personally ain’t mind it. I like workin’ hard. ain’t nothin’ better than havin’ a nice challenge t’accomplish,” yuzu declares while raising a fist, sparkle in her eyes. this was definitely the gamer within her talking.

“makes sense that you are,” chungha replied with a smile. “gahyeon’s pretty wonderful.” she was great, full of life. there was never a dull moment with gahyeonnie and it would probably continue that way. it meant everything to have her here and now. chungha bets that to gahyeon it was great to actually have someone so important with her on her journey for debut. chungha couldn’t imagine a single person who wouldn’t be proud of gahyeon.

“oh yeah,” chungha nods. she had to admit, a lot of the trainees loved meals times at sphere. “i feel like the portion sizes are always good no matter what we get. and if you’re nice with the workers they’ll give you extra. i always finish my rice before anything but they always give me another bowl when i ask.” they were always so kind. and they were worth getting to know too. anyone would be surprised by the stories that some of the staff members had.

chungha nodded. always two songs. always performed at the end of the month. “although i will say they will ask different things of you. usually it isn’t dancing focused like it was this month. before you guys came they were hoping to see a more innocent vibe of us. now they’re asking something else. i bet you it’ll change next month too.” the best thing was to not get used to what they were asking but also to not plan too far ahead. you never knew what they were going to ask.

“it’s best to be prepared with some form of idea but don’t get too far ahead of yourself, you know?”

juyeonrk​:

。˚∘ the way your heart goes ;

for a little while, at least in juyeon’s head, the world stops. stands still, it pauses. juyeon in midst of her moment is still rattled with disbelief and she a little bad about it. juyeon tries to put herself in chungha’s shoes, just what must chungha feel right now, watching juyeon have a breakdown in front of her? juyeon could be thinking anything. but it’s hard for her to verbalize just what she is thinking, even if it’s a mass of positivity and excitement. it’s wonderful that chungha has found a special somebody who she can really bewith. but it’s even more wonderful that … it’s a girl. juyeon had gotten so used to everything being so straight and so boy and girl. she loved dramas but opted out half the time because the plot lines were boring. she favoured her yuri manga and animes because it gave her a semblance of her being normal for once.

juyeon has known for a long time. but it’s alwaysbeen her secret, her thing she keeps to herself. but a secret like this, sharing something like this with someone like you … that was something. juyeon finally manages to snapback to reality, taking in a deep breath. she looks across to chungha, her expression saddens juyeon a little. she looks nervous. fuck.bad juyeon,bad. it’s what chungha says next that really makes juyeon want to smack herself upside the head. is that okay? do you think i’m weird for it? her wanting to come out to chungha, the words sit there in the back of her throat, edging to the tip of her tongue. she wantsto say it.

she has to alleviate the awkwardness and say something. she can’t just sitthere and hope that this feeling goes away. “i’m sorry for reacting the way … the way i did, unnie.” she says softly with a nervous sigh. “it’s just … i’venevermet … i’ve never met anyone who uh …” juyeon stops, biting her lip. juyeon pulls out her own phone, pulling up her notes tab where she quickly writes somethingout before holding her phone to her chest. she can feel her heart racing under her phone. nerves. “what i mean to say, unnie is that … it’s okay. and you’re not weird.” juyeon says with a smile, reaching out to hold one of chungha’s hands with one of her free ones, the otherstill holding her phone to her chest. “because if you are …then … i am, too.” she holds out her phone in front of her so chungha can read the screen. her hand trembles a little. typed out is a simple, basic sentence. words juyeoncan’treally say aloud right now.

  i’m gay :-) 

it takes a lot in her to remain calm. although her heart was hammering in her chest, thumping loudly in her ears, chungha willed herself to stay rooted in her spot next to juyeon. her friend. if this went sideways chungha would do what she did last time: deny, deny, deny. it was all she could do. she’d upload all evidence to her icloud and restore her phone to factory defaults. despite her fight or flight (mostly flight) response was being triggered, she knew that she logically had a way around all of this. she (and meiqi) would be okay if worst comes to worst.

though she’s not sure how well she would recover losing a friendship with juyeon. covering her ass in the company was one thing but having her heart ripped out from a crumbling friendship was a something else she wasn’t prepared for.

tears are a few seconds from springing in her eyes before juyeon finally says something and alleviates chungha from the myriad of thoughts that plagued her. the stupid thoughts that hissed insults at her for trusting such a heavy secret with someone who clearly wasn’t okay with it. it was as if juyeon’s apology absolved her of all insecurities immediately. for that, she was thankful. chungha chokes out a small laugh, leaning on the other just a bit. “it’s okay, i get why you would react that way.” it’s shocking for anyone to learn. chungha is sure that sometimes she comes off painfully straight (somehow) so this could blindside anyone unsuspecting.

“thank you,” chungha whispers, slipping her fingers between juyeon’s when she reaches out to her. she eyed the way the younger had written on her phone. and maybe chungha figured juyeon was going to drop a bomb of her own. she was quickly reading juyeon’s initial shock as something else. her brain was too slow to make any valid connection though. she was just happy that juyeon didn’t think she was weird….

because …… i am, too.

chungha’s eyes immediately snapped to juyeon. if there was one thing chungha felt she was good at, it was finding the non-straight ones. yet she supposes the debut project had taken up a majority of their lives and their topics of conversation. chungha never even got the feeling from juyeon.

her eyes drop to the phone once juyeon finally angles it for her to see. the message is simple and short but it means so much. juyeon’s behaviour and reaction finally made sense. it all fit together. “am i the first one to know?” she asks, eyes still bouncing between the two words. juyeon was nervous because she identified similarly. it meant so much to her in that moment.

she lets go of juyeon’s hand, wrapping her arms around juyeon with a small squeal. “i’m so happy!” it felt good. validating. even knowing someone else in the same predicament as she meant the world to her. (as much as she loved chris with her entire heart it’s not as if he could understand how she felt when it came to her girlfriend.) “i can’t believe i never knew. you keep it together so well, juyeonnie.”

。˚∘ spirit ;

rksuas​:

their breaks are short in comparison to the hours on end that they practice to make things perfect.  the group performances of the month are just as important as their solo ones, and with a constant shuffling of the girls, whether they’re being introduced or on their way out, there’s always new challenges to face and little quirks to get used to.  even during the break, there’s things that sua has learned about the other girls that she probably wouldn’t have if she wasn’t in the project  -  things like the way chungha lays upside down on the couch, or how many of them there are to avoid stepping on when they’re all sprawled out on the ground.  her lips purse a little as she looks around her, but chungha makes a move first  -  reaches for her, even.

they haven’t spoken in a long time, even within the project.  chungha has seemed wrapped up in her own worries and sua decided it best not to press it  -  especially since she seemed a little more at ease with the newer additions.  she sits next to her with a small sigh, her elbows resting back against the back of the couch.  how are you feeling  -  and of course, chungha wouldn’t know.  after all, sua doesn’t let onto her emotions as much as the other girls, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s thinking.  even now, she shrugs.  how should she admit to chungha that she hates this project with every fibre of her being?  just the fact alone that eunbi was bullied to the point of fear and tears made her want to rip some of the girls to shreds.  " okay, i suppose.“ the words are tight when she speaks them, brows furrowed together.  she knows better than to speak her venom in front of the others.

she brushes a hand through her hair, biting the inside of her cheek.  ” do you?“ sua finally counters, turning her head to face chungha.  after all, she probably wouldn’t be all too bothered if she doesn’t make it into the group.  in her mind, there’s nothing for her there except a death of her own spark and the death of her individuality.  they’ve already tried to quash it once before, she has no doubt that they’ll be ten times worse if she was actually chosen for a group like heartz.  

at the same time though, sua knows that chungha would probably be devastated.  ” i think i care more about the girls than anything.  i think that’s what keeps me hanging on  -“  even though i hate it.  ” it’s not good for them, so i want to make sure they’re okay.  stupid, isn’t it? they didn’t ask me to.“ sua snorts, taking a look around at some of the dozing trainees around her.  ” but even if i’ve only been training for a year, i can tell when someone’s starstruck.  i don’t want them to get hurt in the end.“

chungha’s compliment though makes her raise a brow, turn her head to face her.  ” i may be talented but i assure you, it’s not a trick.  i’m not going to do something radical to pull the rug out from under any of you.“  reaching out, she tucks chungha’s hair back behind her ear.  ” i promise.“

chungha easily adjusts herself so she can wrap herself around sua with an exaggerated content sigh. it was nice to cuddle up to a friend. and sua was easy to reciprocate the sentiment. she blows a raspberry, looking up at the other. there was something about the way she said that she was “okay” that chungha just didn’t feel convinced with. but maybe she was just frustrated as chungha had been about two months ago.

she’d like to think that if it was anything serious then sua would divulge it. maybe it was wishful thinking on her end. but there was no way to know that for sure.

“do i?” chungha repeats back. she wasn’t anticipating her question being returned. logically she should have. yet she finds herself unprepared. “honestly?” chungha starts, eyebrows furrowing as she thinks. “i don’t think so. i don’t think i’m prepared to have to do this until the very end.” in fact, after this month she’s sure she has nothing left to show them. show improvement? she’s already doing that. show new talents? done. show what she can do? that’s also done every single month. there was nothing fresh from chungha from the end of august onward. the pit in her stomach reminds her she’s a little more worried than she lets off.

“i don’t think it’s stupid,” chungha says with a frown. what sua was doing was a thankless job. it was one that no one asked for but it was one that everyone is thankful for. “i find it very….noble. selfless.” but she didn’t want sua thinking that was the only thing she was good for. she had a lot more to offer to the heartz collective than she realised.

maybe those were the qualities that makes a leader. chungha wouldn’t know. she didn’t want to be the leader of the group. that idea was packed up a long time ago. she feels like she’s better off not having all of the “responsibility” put on her. lord knows she doesn’t have the decorum for a position like that. but it seems like that sua does.

chungha chuckles, shaking her head softly as sua tucked a hair behind her ear. she scrunches her nose. “you’re so silly. of course i’m not worried about anything like that.” that sounded a bit cocky but she meant it earnestly. she elabourates to avoid any confusion. “i didn’t mean it as in you’re going to do something to undermine us all. if i’m being honest this doesn’t really feel as cut throat as i’ve experienced in other companies. i feel like sphere girls are more compassionate than that.” and that included sua. chungha didn’t mean to imply that sua would do anything dirtyto ensure being signed to heartz. besides, would it really be playing dirty if she was simply showing what she could do?

chungha sighed. “i think a lot of us are just tired.” she wouldn’t be surprised. “only the newer girls are still so pumped about everything. i know i don’t have the same energy levels now as i did a while ago.”

。˚∘ better together ;

gahyecnrk​:

gahyeon chuckles lightly when chungha asks her what she’s doing here – she’s pretty sure it’s obvious but still. she doesn’t answer until they pull back from one another, which additionally is when gahyeon realizes that chungha’s crying. it’s not that gahyeon considers chungha unemotional, she just so happened to have never seen the elder girl cry – so her initial response of, “same thing you are, ”is immediately interrupted with a quiet and rushed, “why are you crying ?”becausewhy is chungha crying ? did i do that ? what did i do that made her start crying like this ? she certainly didn’t intend to do anything to make chungha cry – but maybe the look on chungha’s face is enough to tell her they’re not sadtears.

but gahyeon is notoriously bad with crying people.

“ahh, don’t cry, unnie, ”gahyeon murmurs, reaching up to brush a tear off chungha’s cheek that she’d missed. she purses her lips and smiles up at chungha – “oh please, you’ve been at this longer than i have. chances are, it’s the other way around. ”gahyeon hums. “i think i shouldn’t let myself get comfortable. everyone’s fighting for the same thing – and because of that, we all have to be on our toes. ”gahyeon points out quietly, shrugging. “but we’re together now. so … it’ll be okay, i think. hey, maybe we’ll even get a shot at this together, huh ?”gahyeon offers, raising her eyebrows at the elder girl. “ better together than against one another, right ?” gahyeon says, shrugging. “how have you been ? i hope sphere’s been treating you nice since you’ve been here. ”she hums.

“now i get to make sure of that myself, huh ?”gahyeon chuckles gently. a debut project was something gahyeon had to be honest about, she never thought she’d manage to get into. this was more than she’d ever thought she’d get to, even if it was what she wanted, it seemed far away … not that she’d admit that in front of all the other girls. maybe later, behind closed doors, but certainly not now. “you’re gonna have to catch me up to speed so i’m not so behind, yeah ? that way i know what i’m getting myself into. ”gahyeon says, slotting herself between chungha and one of the girls at her side, who steps aside to make room for gahyeon. “i feel so behind already, all of you have been here so long … ”

“i’mhappy, stupid,” chungha says, laughing through her tears. she very rarely finds herself so overcome with emotion that she cries. usually her feelings translated into two things: anger or useless flirting. of course gahyeon would catch her so off guard that her body’s only response was tears. chungha rubbed her chest. it was so full from this. the feeling was indescribable. “i’m so happy you’re here.”

of course it wasn’t as if chungha wasn’t alone. the heartz girls had accepted her with open arms and never made her feel as if she didn’t belong. it was a completely different experience than that of her time in kt. heartz felt warm and comforting. inviting. chungha wasn’t alone by any means but she was happier to have someone who meant so much to her there as well.

“yeah i might have been doing this longer but i’ve also taken breaks in between,” chungha points out. even if logically she has years of experience (literally), she also has years at a time in between her times as a trainee. after sm, it took her years until she was in kt. then seven months after leaving kt, she joined sphere. those gaps in training mattered. it was really easy to get out of the mindset. “it would be nice to be together after all.” wouldn’t that be a dream? chungha just hopes that’s what the result ends up being. even if she’s not entirely sure, she could hope.

“sphere is great,” chungha says with a nod. she knows why gahyeon asks this. it makes her smile. above all else, gahyeon was trying to make sure she was okay. it’s cute. “everyone is friendly and nice. i get along with everyone.” she sniffles, holding gahyeon’s hands with a smile. “you’re going to love it here. i know it’s scary to leave behind everyone you know in royal but you’ll love it.”

it seems like a lot for gahyeon to catch up on. chungha wonders if gahyeon knows that pre-debut is supposed to take two years or that some members of heartz have already been confirmed and on the way to debut so there isn’t as many as twelve spots left now. it was vital information but chungha figures she’d better ease gahyeon into it. “yeah we’ve been here for a while but some girls are already in heartz. many of us aren’t. so don’t worry. even if it’s been a few months, everyone has an equal chance to show themselves every month.”

。˚∘ secondary expedition ;

rkwxnb​:

In retrospect moving into the dorms should encourage independence and self-growth. Except it has not really hit her yet, sure she’s hurling around her luggage with her halfway across the city to move into the dorms, but the symbolism of the move hasn’t actually set in. So no one can blame her for calling Chungha when Eunbi finds herself on another floor and nowhere closer to the dorms. 

“Hey, unnie!!” The camera goes a bit unfocused as she steadies her suitcase, “I’m doing great!” Smiling brightly when she finally stands up straight and actually has a look at her friend over the device. “I’m trying to, Chungha-unnie. I really am but the thing is…” Blushing profusely as she sheepishly looks around her. 

“I think I’m lost.” There she finally said it. Eunbi is lost in the middle of a rather simple, secured apartment complex where heartz dorm lay. This is exactly why she called Chungha because if there is anyone who can help her find a place it would be one of her best unnies. “I’ve been in the lobby for a while then I moved into what floor I thought it was, but I still can’t find the dorm. So now I’ve just sat by the stairway… strategizing.”

chungha blinked at the other as she adjusted herself. it seemed like she was in the hallway somewhere. it caught her attention immediately because she figured that by the time she called her, she would be in the dorms with the other girls.

“you’re lost?” chungha asks. she had expected one of the other girls to accompany her in the very least. eunbi was young and easy to wander off. yet somehow had a terrible sense of direction. why hadn’t anyone promised to meet her in the lobby or taken her there themselves? and what help was chungha going to be when she’s never stepped foot in the heartz dorm building.

“okay, okay,” chungha says. at least she knew general layouts of buildings. it couldn’t be that hard could it? especially since she knows every new heartz girl gets an email or text with instructions on how to get to the dorm and which room would be theirs. if chungha could have eunbi read it to her and tell her where she is then chungha could guide her with simple logic. though there is an issue where sometimes buildings lay out their apartments in different ways but that would be a minor hiccup. there should be signs everywhere. “do you remember the instructions the coaches gave you when you enter the building? read to me what it says. i promise i can help you.”

mxnark:

ft.@rkchungha

mina always knew she would eventually leave home, but she didn’t really expect it to be soon. with the fact that she was still fairly young, she always thought she’d have a bit more time to spend with her parents at home, even if she’d rather not. she thought she’d have to finish her degree while under their roof and the moment she was done, she could be able to be an adult and live on her own. but, of course, life doesn’t exactly go the way kang mina expects it to. next thing she knew, she was unpacking in a smaller apartment, four months left until she’s officially an adult in korea.

it’s not like mina didn’tlike the change. in fact, if anything, she was more than content with it. if she was still at home, she’d stillfeel a drain in her emotions just opening her front door.  she knew herself well enough to know that she didn’t deserve that, especially if she’s going to be draining her physical energy while training. with the fact that she was now part of the heartz project with chungha, it only made sense to live with her now.

shestilldoesn’t have everything unpacked. sure, she couldunpack everything now, but she believes she deserves to be a little bit lazy. she leaves her newroom to head over to the living room, flopping on the couch before letting out a large sigh. “wow! i’m beat!” she says with a laugh before she looks around the room to find her roommate. roommate.she still couldn’t quite register that in her head! it’s exciting to her. “unnie!! i’m hungryyy!” she says with a pout as soon as she spots her. “do you want to eat jajangmyun?” 

chungha knew one response to when mina confessed to needing a home soon. she had grown quite fond of the younger in the time they’ve known one another. mina was like the little sister chungha never got to have. (admittedly, chungha is okay with being an only child. having a sibling would mean less funding from her parents while she was in korea pursuing her dreams.) asking mina to move in was a no brainer.

if she mentioned it to her parents, she knew they would have no trouble shelling out a couple extra hundred dollars to get the girls into a two bedroom in the same complex but with heartz and the uncertainty of who was being chosen next, chungha figured they could stick it out in a single bedroom for a bit. mina seemed to have no issue with cuddling.

this did mean re-organising on chungha’s part. she had to make room for the additional person in the entire apartment. she invested in a few more smaller shelved dressers and a closet organiser so mina would have space for her things too. it was a big move for mina and chungha wanted to be as supportive as possible. she was the older one and the one with more experience in that regard. she wanted mina to feel comfortable. having a roommate again could be fun.

“jajangmyun is really hearty,” chungha replies with a smile. she was currently folding some of her own clothes in the living room. her theory was that if she folded like her grandmother taught her to then maybe her clothes would take a lot less space in the room. not to mention that some are a little outdated and were deserving of being donated. “you might pass out with a full tummy,” she jokes, reaching out to poke mina. it was a good idea and they had worked themselves out by bringing mina’s boxes in. so chungha got up to prepare the food.

“how’re you feeling though?” she asks as she navigates the kitchen with ease. the kitchen was possibly the only area without anything being changed to it. “now that you’re technically officially moved in. this is your home now. nervous?”