#rumination

Today was a Bad Day.

I spent most of the workday doing a repetitive, mindless task, which is usually okay, but I irritated someone right before that and instead of just being like, “It’ll be fine, self, just don’t do it again,” and going on with my damn day, I had horrible rotating thoughts for six hours over every mistake I’ve made with the people I work with and nearly had a panic attack. My boss noticed and talked to me alone to make sure I was okay. Then, after everyone left the office, I burst into tears and cried on the way home too.

These kinds of days are few and far between now. It used to be almost day, then weekly. Now it’s getting to be less than once a month. Still, they’re awful and I never know how to handle myself in the aftermath. My knee-jerk reaction is to berate myself and deny myself basic necessities but no one else is here to take care of me. I have to do it myself. So, I showered and I’m going to eat soon. I just needed to vent a little so I could feel a little lighter. Sorry if it’s a bit much.