#leighann talks
I was this many years old when I found out that all my depression spirals and anxiety attacks start because of catastrophizing and I could cry because I didn’t know these types of thoughts had a name.
Just woke up and feeling better.
I’m not great but I can tell that I’m out of the depression spiral and in recovery mode now. I have to go to work today, but the nice thing about the weekend shift is that I can go at any time and I only have to work for four to five hours. So, I can take time for myself and make sure I’m really okay before going in.
Today was a Bad Day.
I spent most of the workday doing a repetitive, mindless task, which is usually okay, but I irritated someone right before that and instead of just being like, “It’ll be fine, self, just don’t do it again,” and going on with my damn day, I had horrible rotating thoughts for six hours over every mistake I’ve made with the people I work with and nearly had a panic attack. My boss noticed and talked to me alone to make sure I was okay. Then, after everyone left the office, I burst into tears and cried on the way home too.
These kinds of days are few and far between now. It used to be almost day, then weekly. Now it’s getting to be less than once a month. Still, they’re awful and I never know how to handle myself in the aftermath. My knee-jerk reaction is to berate myself and deny myself basic necessities but no one else is here to take care of me. I have to do it myself. So, I showered and I’m going to eat soon. I just needed to vent a little so I could feel a little lighter. Sorry if it’s a bit much.
My latest selfies got replies from two men asking to be my sugar daddy. I blocked them because I’m a strong independent woman that doesn’t need a man but is that the new norm around here?
Finished the outline for the commission today. There’s some pretty major plot holes I need to touch up, but then I can start the rough draft.
Because the people who paid for this commission had to wait for SO LONG for me to make progress with it, I’m going to post it all at once even though it’s going to be multiple chapters. They don’t have to wait any longer that way. That does mean it’s going to take a month or longer before I even consider posting it.
I’m excited though! I’m going to try to write things I waa terrified to write before and I think the work will be better for it. I hope.
Went ahead and deleted all the recent health update posts. I thought it would be overwhelming to some others and I want to be a force for positive energy. Yes, I will keep you updated as far as my diagnosis and if things get worse, but I’d rather focus on things that I love here, like Star Trek and all of you!
