#sad bucky
Chubby Bucky x Baker Reader
A/N:This was bumping around in my head so I don’t know if I am going to make this a series but if people request it I might I hope you all enjoy!
Summary:James Barnes was honorably discharged and since coming back he hasn’t adjusted well. His form of adjusting to the civilian lifestyle was in the form of comfort eating. When friends notice the recent change he finds himself at a local bakery and coffee shop try to get his life back together. While there he meets someone who is even sweeter then the pastries inside.
Bucky truly didn’t mean for it to get this bad. Coming back from fighting overseas things have changed. His mind felt so exhausted. His body use to be under constant strain and it has suddenly been lifted. His contract ended about about a year ago and since then he has been trying to relax but the things he witnessed overseas was very traumatic. He felt privileged to be able to come back home. He seemed to see the world in a new light after coming home.
Like how he appreciated the color green. Being in the middle east you don’t see much of it. All of it just beige and orangey colored ground everywhere. The only type of green they would see would be the mashed up peas in the occasional MRE. Everything seemed brighter in the US but with brighter things came noise. He found himself staying inside his small empty apartment. He would pile his pillows and blankets into the small tub of his bathroom in order to feel secure. Steve found him that way when he first came to visit after the end of his deployment. You see Bucky got honorably discharged due to a shoulder injury. He was hiding in a fox hole gathering information when he was dragged out of his nest. He was nearly taken as a prisoner of war if it weren’t for his buddy Steve. He didn’t come out unscathed though. His shoulder was dislocated for quite some time. The healing process began only for it to be set back into place. He is still going to physical therapy for it but the doctors say that it may not ever recover to 100%.
Even though he has had this trauma weighing his shoulders he has found himself indulging in things he hasn’t in a long time. Like things that he could never afford when he was younger. Sweets were one of them. He remembered way back when trying his best to save the little bit of money he had to get his sister a candy bar. Maybe his mom some chocolates for a special occasion. Despite his playboy nature back then he was never one to indulge in such things. Now… Now he can. He can finally take some time for himself. He had always felt bad about taking mental health days and pampering himself because he feels that he doesn’t deserve it. He was so use to his old life of always being on the move. Always being careful and guarded. Like everywhere he walked was a mine field. ‘I don’t deserve this comfort…’ He would think to himself. If it were up to him he would never pick up a gun again but the familiarity of having one at his bedside helped him sleep better. Well as better as one could get when his nightmares seem to be constant. At some point in his career in the military it had to be ‘Him or You.’ He could never get use to taking lives on the battlefield. That man could have had a wife or kids. He was a brother, father, or son. He just happened to be on the wrong side of the war. ‘But isn’t that what both sides of the war thinks?’ Your enemy is the hero in someone’s story and when all these thought entered his head he was never the same. He had seen to much death in his opinion. He just wanted to be left alone.
As of right now he is relaxing and reclined against a very comfy couch. His very comfy couch. Through out all his time he had never bothered to furnish any of the places he would stay at. He was use to a sleeping bag or an uncomfortable cot. It took Steve being his roommate for a little while to understand that living comfortably is not something to feel guilty about. Steve helped him with his guilt. He found him a therapist despite his protests and took his time going with Bucky to each appointment to make sure he actually goes. Steve moved him from his cubby in the bathroom the master bedroom with an actual mattress. He got him a small pullout couch where Steve would sleep and help Bucky when he would go into his fits of panic. They talked about their time in the service and how sometimes Bucky has the desire to return to that familiarity despite that being why he is such a mess in the first place. Steve has done so much for him. He doesn’t know how he can ever repay him. They went from two rambunctious kids in Brooklyn to very mature and beaten down adults. Steve has moved out since then leaving the apartment furnished despite Bucky’s protest. In reality he didn’t want to be left alone but he understood that Steve had his own life and he can’t be around forever. So Bucky in an attempt to honor Steve’s friendship and hard work he continued on with what he was doing. As if Steve never left. As time went by however Bucky knew something was changing about him. He couldn’t figure what it was until Sam pointed it out.
“Hey uh Bucky?” He heard Sam’s voice from behind him. They decided to do some Spring Cleaning since it has been a while since they caught up and they thought. ‘Why not be productive in the meantime?’ “Yeah?” Bucky asks turning around. “Your shirt is ridding up.” Sam says and Bucky looks down. He sees that it is indeed ridding up and pulls it down. As he does so he feels the softness of his belly. Not that he hasn’t before but it seemed more prominent as his shirt rides up again. “Getting a bit of a belly on ya aren’t you Buck.” Sam says with a laugh. Bucky felt hot with embarrassment. His face dropped only to fix itself into a laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah I guess I did Wilson. He says turning his back to him. “Yeah man. I have never seen these many sweets in my life! Twinkies, Swiss Rolls, hell even Cosmic Brownies! They taste like cardboard. How can you like this man?” He says picking up an empty box of said Cosmic Brownies. “I-I don’t know.” Bucky says. He feels so overwhelmed. He knows Sam isn’t doing this on purpose but he can’t help but feel insecure.
‘Have I really let myself fall so far?’ He thought to himself. In an effort to prove himself wrong he grabbed the broom before walking over to the couch. He uses his right hand to pick up one side of the couch. He regretted that immediately. Reese’s, Hershey’s, and Twix wrappers where scattered around the underside of the couch. He wanted to slam it back down but Sam had already seen it. “Jesus man! I need to come over more often and get me some of this candy. At this point you have bought the whole store!” Sam jokes. Bucky feels sick to his stomach. “Hey uh… Sam?” He asks Sam. “Yeah what’s up?” Sam responds. ”I-I forgot I had an appointment with my therapist… I need to get to it right away!” Sam notices the change in tone and gives a concerned look. “Everything okay man?” He asks and Bucky nods. “Yeah I just really need to hop on this call.” Bucky says and Sam nods. “I’ll head out then. Call me if you need anything okay?” Bucky nods as he follows him to the door. “Yeah. Got it. See you later?” He asks and Sam nods. “Yeah seeya!” Sam then exits leaving a very overwhelmed and insecure Bucky. He decided that instead of fake going to the therapists office he would actually go. So he quickly made an appointment.
“Something is on your mind James… What is it? You wouldn’t just randomly schedule an appointment for no reason.” His therapist in front of him asks. “Um…” Bucky doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t want to be analyzed by her but everyone says she is here to help. “I… Someone pointed out that I have been gaining weight…” Bucky says linking his fingers together. “And that bothers you?” The therapist asks. “Yeah…” Bucky says looking out the window. “And why does this bother you James?” Bucky had to sit and think for a moment. “I just feel… I feel like I am not myself but myself at the same time…” The therapist tilts her head slightly. “Can you go deeper into that for me?” She asks and he huffs. “I… I’m an adult now and I could never do many things as a kid. Then I joined the Army where I let myself mold into something that I wasn’t.” He says shifting slightly. “I-It’s just after all this time I feel like I can finally let go. I still get these pains in my arm so I… I comfort eat. When anything becomes to much. I comfort eat. I just… I don’t know.” Bucky begins to bounce his leg up and down. He can feel his belly jiggle slightly from it and stops. “I-I grew three or four sizes bigger! I can’t go to the gym because my shoulder is fucked, and everyone is just… People are going to start pointing it out…” The therapist begins writing some things down. “There is no problem with comfort eating James. As long as you incorporate healthy things into your diet. What type of stuff do you eat?” She asks and Bucky seems to shrink under her gaze. “James I am not here to judge you… What ever you say will not leave this room okay?” Bucky shuffles again but doesn’t say anything. The therapist sighs. She stands up and leaves the room for a moment.
Bucky’s mind begins to spiral. ‘I just chased my therapist off. What the fuck am I going to do now?’ Bucky’s leg begins to bounce again and the feeling of his belly rolling catches him. He stops and looks down at his stomach. He decided to grab his biggest jacket before coming here. He unzips it and looks at his shirt. It rolled up again inside the jacket. He looks around before flexing slightly. His stomach moves into a tense position. He pokes his stomach and feels that there is indeed some muscle still there it is just not showing itself. He relaxes then flexes seeing his newly gained softness move again. He clenches his fist when he doesn’t see any difference. He really should get back to the gym again but he is at a point of rest in his physical therapy. ‘Jesus I a just so fucking pathetic.’ Before he could berate himself further the door begins to open and he quickly fixes himself and looks at his therapist as she walks in. The therapist goes back to her seat as the printer in the corner of the room starts making noise. When it has finished printing what ever it was she walks over and grabs it and walks over to him. She hands him what he now sees as a flyer. “What is this?” He asks. “It’s a flyer. There is a small bakery in town that does cooking lessons.” She says sitting back in her chair. “I see that now my question is why would I go?” He grumbles. “James… You feel bad about what you are eating yes?” Bucky nods. “Well maybe if you actually made it from scratch and know what goes into everything you eat you will feel better.” She says and Bucky looks down at the paper again. “And hey it’s free!” She says and Bucky looks up again. “What?” He asks and she lets out a huff. “If you actually read it it says that ‘Veterans receive free lessons!’ ” Bucky looks down again and let out a small ‘oh.’ “Now you are going to these lessons no: If’s, and’s, or buts!” Bucky sighs and nods. “Okay okay I got it. Can I go?” He asks and she nods. “It was nice seeing you again James.” He mutters a ‘You too’ before exiting.
Bucky woke up early that morning. Well more so that he didn’t really sleep. He could never find the right position. Whether it be from pain in his shoulder or the nightmares he has succumbed to since he got back. Sometimes it was just his anxiety and he thinks that is the case this time but overall he could never really sleep. Despite the lessons being around 9 AM he woke up at the crack of dawn. He was still in the routine that they set him in. Minus the drill sergeants and trumpet sounds. He still makes his bed the same way he did when he was in the Military. His room was neat. There wasn’t a spot out of place until the sun started to rise. Bucky practically purged his closet looking for something that would fit but it seemed that everything he tried on didn’t feel right. From his old Henley’s, to flannels, to under shirts that could pass as regular shirts. It never seemed to look right. He ultimately decided on a sweater with a hoodie on top. He felt that if he layered up he could hide himself better. It was about 7:30 in the morning when he decided on his outfit. He walked out of his room and looked around. He could see all of the sweet treats he ate through out the day when he came back from his appointment. He chooses to ignore his urge to eat any and decides to try and make some eggs. ‘That’s a start…’ He thought to himself as he got the carton of eggs out. “Now do I do over-easy? Or scrambled?” He asks himself. He ultimately goes for the over-easy eggs and he had to say that breakfast was somewhat of a success! Yes the eggs were slightly crispy at the edges and yes maybe it didn’t have a runny yolk that he was hopping for but he was proud. With that he decided that he wanted a reward so he got a pop-tart to go with it. He wipes his mouth and goes to the sink and washes his plate before putting it in the drying rack. He puts his shoes on then grabs his keys. He pauses and sighs. He grabs his phone from his hoodie pocket and begins to look up the address. He puts the settings on ‘walk’ to see how long the journey to the bakery would take. According to google maps it is only about fifteen minutes. He nods to himself. ‘I can make that walk no problem.’
He was never really one to walk places. The city sounds were unnerving and held a constant buzz that made him itch. He kept his head down but he was still aware as he walked. He made sure to avoid getting in peoples way not want nor having the will to converse or argue. He had the flyer folded in his pocket. He wasn’t sure if he had to show it so he could enter. ‘Would Steve be proud of me?’ He thought. He hadn’t talked to him in quite some time. He had moved to Upstate New York with his girlfriend and soon to be wife Peggy. He felt alone with Steve being four hours away but again. Steve had his own life and they weren’t little kids in Brooklyn standing up for each other any more. Well Bucky standing up for Steve more often then not. He can’t think about that now though. He is coming up on his stop. He looked up at the small sign that said. “(Y/F/N) (Your Fathers Name) Coffee Shop & Bakery” On the outside it mixed in with bricks of the other shops surrounding it. It had a huge window that displayed baked goods. The door to the bakery was glass and it had a sign on it. It said: “Closed for cooking classes come on in!” It had a cute little muffin person on the front of it. The smell of coffee and pastries wafted through the air as he opened the door. The sound of a tiny bell rings when he steps inside. A cheery voice greets him from behind the counter.
“Hello! My name is Wanda! Are you here for the cooking/baking lessons?” A woman with auburn brown hair and greenish blue eyes said. She had on an apron that had the same muffin person from the poster. “Yeah…” He mumbles but then clears his throat. “Uh Yes.” He says louder. “Good! Are you or a family member currently in serving?” She asks and he shakes her head as he pulls out his wallet. He pulls out his ID that states that he was once serving and she smiles. “Oh! Hi Mr. Barnes! We were expecting you!” She says and Bucky tenses up. ‘They were expecting me? Why the hell wou-’ His thoughts were interrupted by Wanda calling out behind her which he can only assume is where the kitchen is. “Hey (Y/N)! Our V.I.P guest is here!” There is a quiet crash from the kitchen as he hears footsteps coming his way. Just as he puts his ID back into his wallet a mop of (H/C) pops out from the corner of his eye. He looks up and see a girl with (H/L), (H/T) (Hair Texture), (H/C), It was pulled up by a see through hair net. She had (E/C) eyes which had no problem making eye contact with him. She had an aura of confidence around her. A form of confidence he wish he could have. “Hello! My name is (Y/N) I am the owner of this bakery!” Her voice is cheery like a song bird in the break of morning. She held out her hand which he reluctantly shook. He feels the palm of his other hand and realizes that his palms are sweaty. He feels himself coil back after he shook her hand. He kept an eye on hers to see if she would wipe it off but she didn’t. Probably not wanting to embarrass him.
He sees you take a step closer before saying. “Your therapist called.” Bucky’s face morphed into anger but you continued on saying. “She didn’t say anything. Just saying that you would like to learn how to bake and that you were a veteran. I know you probably hear this a lot but thank you so much for your service.” Your tone seems genuine but he isn’t sure he can trust you just yet. Bucky sees you walk to the kitchen door and you open it. “Come on in! It is almost time to start.” Your smile seemed genuine as well but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. As he walks into the industrial kitchen he sees tables lined up horizontally to the front of the room. There are a few tables that are vertical as well. they all had their own stations where appliances, pots, pans, and other cooking/baking utensils are placed. As Bucky walks further in he sees a couple of other people in the room. There is another man wearing an apron with the muffin guy on it. ‘I guess that is just their mascot…’ He thinks. He has black slightly curly hair. His eyes are a deep emerald green. “Hey Loki! I will be with you in a second!” You say with a wave. Loki nods as he turns to a coffee machine in the front of the room. “That’s Loki. He is one of our baristas! He is kind of a coffee snob.” You say with a small laugh. He hears a scoff from the front of the room. He is lead to the far left corner of the room towards the back. “I don’t want to generalize everyone who comes in here but it can get very loud very quick. Would you like to be closer to the back or up front?” Bucky nods to the back of the room. You only smile and lead him to a station. “So we have a list of recipes that everyone can vote on! So take a look and we will get started!”
Bucky was surprised at how he was feeling at this moment. The smell of the kitchen was immaculate. Both you and Loki were strolling around the room looking at everyone’s progress. You gave each station a sample of what you were making today. The vote was Elven Lembas Bread from The Lord of the Rings series. Bucky loved The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings! The bread looked very enticing in the movies and he could practically smell it when he read the books. Sadly he ran into a problem. Kneading the dough turned out to be harder then he thought. It wasn’t that he couldn’t grasp the concept. It was more that it was painful to do. He tries his best to keep his groans of pain to himself but it is hard. His slight whimper is what must have caught your attention because suddenly you were next to him. “James? What is it?” You ask in a low tone. “Nothing…” He mumbles as he continues. You take his hands away from the poorly kneaded dough and hold on to them. “James what’s wrong?” He feels uncomfortable under your gaze. He rolls his shoulder and a loud pop resonates between the two of you. You make a small ‘Oh’ before smiling at him. “Let me help.” You say with a smile. “Now how were you kneading the dough?” You ask and he stands there for a second.
Bucky wants to see if you really want to help him but as he sits there and waits all he sees is that same smile. Your eyes seem to be lighter though. It’s like you really enjoy helping people. He ultimately decides to accept your help and begins showing you how he was doing it. “I see what it is.” You say as you go over to one of the vertical tables to the side and grab a pair of plastic gloves that were used in food service. “You are pressing straight down which is ultimately making the dough to thin in some areas.” you say as you gesture and Bucky moves out of the way. He watches you closely as he sees you mold the dough back into a ball. “You need to knead at an angle.” You chuckle at your pun and Bucky finds himself doing the same. “So when you press down go forward. It will put less strain on your shoulder and you can let your whole body do the work.” You say before movie out of the way. “You try!” He hesitantly nods before doing what you showed him. “Good job!” You say. Bucky blushes at your praise. “Thanks…” He responds. He goes to say something else but you are already looking at other people and their work. “Okay everyone I think everyone’s dough is perfect! So lets get it into the oven.” You say. Despite you being at the very front of the kitchen he can here you clearly. It wasn’t obnoxiously loud it was mellow. Your voice had the right tone for speaking loudly. He didn’t know how anyone’s voice can be described like that but he thinks it suits you. You have a firm voice of a leader.
He hears a light cough from beside him. He sees the barista next to him as he gestures to the oven. Bucky mumbles a quick ‘Sorry’ before placing his in the oven. “Okay Loki it’s your turn!.” he hears you say and he becomes confused. Loki walks to the front and stands at the table. “Hello! My name is Loki and I am a barista here in this shop. Now I usually make coffee but (Y/N) insists on making Hot Cocoa. Which she says I am pretty good at.” He says as he rolls up the sleeves of his dress shirt. ‘Why would someone where a dress shirt?’ Bucky asks himself but his thought is quickly shift to the sound of ingredients being pulled out. “You have your list of ingredients now please watch and watch closely.” He says as he whips up a cup of hot cocoa. After he is done he hands it to (Y/N). “Thank you!” You say giddily. “Now everyone take out your sauce pans and begin!” Loki says. Bucky never heard of making hot cocoa in a sauce pan before but he had to say that the ending product was much better then any packet hot cocoa he has ever had. By the time they had finished their drink the bread was done. He hasn’t felt this proud of himself in a long time. He made something that he actually likes! It is a very simple recipe and it only takes an hour to do both! He takes a bite of the bread that he made and smiles. He then dips it in his hot cocoa. He does this multiple times until he looks up. He sees that he is the only one doing it.
He ended up getting a few stains and crumbs on his shirt. He suddenly felt that everyone was looking at him despite being at the back of the room. He was about to put it down and walk out when you were suddenly in view again. “You dip your Lembas in hot cocoa as well!” Your voice sounded excited. He didn’t look up or answer you. You hand him a small paper towel. “You look like a real baker you know.” You say and he feels caught off guard. “What?” He asks. “A baker… Well a chef really enjoys what they do and love what they make!” He stays silent and continues to listen. “You have flour and crumbs all over you…” Bucky starts feeling self-conscious until you say. “You look like a hard worker!” Bucky ears turn red as your praise enters them. You lean closer. “Look I don’t usually do this but I like you so you are my exception.” Bucky turns his head away from you quickly. ‘You like me! We just met! Wait does she mean platonically?’ He feels his heart race a million miles a minute. ‘That would make more sense right? It wou-’ “I am going to give you this recipe and some of the ingredients from the kitchen!” You say excitedly. “You can start building your pantry and cook more often!” You say and he sees you quickly leave further back into the kitchen. He looks back in front of him and sees that everyone is packing their baked goods and leaving. Bucky felt out of place just standing there so he decided to start cleaning his station. By the time you came back he was already started on dishes. “Oh thank you!” He hears from behind him. He turns around and see that you have one of those delivery bags that are used for food but it has the bakery’s name and mascot on it. “Not many help after we are done so thank you for helping!” You say. He feels you rub his back affectionately as you set the bag in front of him. “You didn’t have to do this…” he mutters but you simply shake your head. “It is the least I can do!” You say as you adjust the strap on the bag. “Now you need to get this past Loki or else he will be very mad at me…” You say in a half joking tone. “Will I see you next lesson?” You ask and he pauses. That pause makes your smile drop and right then he decided that he never ever wants to see you frown. He quickly nods. “Y-Yeah! I’ll be there!” You smile once again. “Yay! I can’t wait to see you again!” You say as you make your way to the front. “I’ll be a distraction!” Bucky gives you a small smile as he picks up the bag and makes his way out of the kitchen and out of the shop. ‘Yeah. I am definitely coming back here.’ He thinks to himself as he makes his way home.
