#sad but hopeful

For The Girl In Me Who Was Once Afraid.

Today was the final session of the Trauma Therapy Group me and my mum went too. It was really useful and I liked that it was a small group, it made it less scary, overwhelming and such with my anxiety and more accessible.

I feel like I came away with a greater understanding of the connection between trauma and the body. And that maybe it’s now given me the skills to work on that connection and not neglect it i.e forgetting to eat or drink or sleep.

I think sharing this is rather apt given the work I’ve been doing in the group these past 6 weeks. Whilst this starts off sad (it’s a collection of 3 short micro poems) the final poem ends on a rather hopeful tone about my trauma and the way its affected me and it mirrors how I’m feeling no. I feel hopeful that one day I can move past my trauma I know it’s changed me in ways that I’ll never get back the person I used to be, and I no longer crave to be the old me. But there are things that impact my daily life that I hope to overcome, so that I can stop living in the past, stop being so afraid, and to look forward to a brighter future.

This does come with a TW as it does discuss themes of abuse/domestic violence nothing graphic or anything just thats what the poems are about and the first two are sadder. Actually I feel like they represent different stages in my POV on my trauma - the first anger that they could do this to me. The second is sadness, hopelessness almost but mostly just sad and this feeling like I’ll always be haunted by my past hence the hopelessness. But the final one is me accepting or hoping I’d say fits it better, hoping that maybe one day that won’t always be the case I won’t always be haunted or tormented by my past.

It’s a more hopeful outlook than the poem prior and I think for the most part my thoughts now remain similar to the final poem and less so the second but I still struggle to reconcile how they could behave such a way and that conflict is well expressed in the first poem and despite my hope that conflict is still ever present. Anyways this is long enough you didn’t need this explanation/summary on the poems so maybe just go read it instead?