Let Me In [1] ✾

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 3.6k.

- || Part Two✾Complete Chatroom Masterlist

Summary:Y/n is back in the city, a place she never thought she would be. A heavy cloud hangs over her until it produces a heavy storm.

Content:mentions of a past toxic relationship, slight angst.

A/N: I hate to call this a starter chapter because it makes it seem like it’s not important, but this chapter is just to get us started. I hope you all enjoy the sequel! It won’t be as long but it will tie up all the loose ends!

MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.

“If you keep dragging your feet we’re going to miss the shuttle!”

“I don’t like it here, it smells,” the five year old groans, tugging hard on Y/n’s hand. The plane ride was fairly easy but the young girl had gotten so restless and has been complaining ever since they landed. Y/n did her best to keep her at bay, but it’s hard to explain to a child why they have to keep walking when they’re so tired. Y/n had to carry both of their carry-on bags while rolling her suitcase in her free hand so couldn’t pick her up even though that’s what she wanted.

“I know Kennedy, but we have to keep going, c'mon.”

She held onto her hand tightly as their suitcases rolled against the pavement. She feels a little bit bad about dragging the little girl along as they exit the airport, but it’s either that or having to wait another 30 minutes for a shuttle to the rental car pick-up building. Y/n had developed the skill of tuning Kennedy out when she really needed to; she can deal with feeling guilty just for a little bit.

She’s only able to feel relief when they make it to the shuttle at the right time. The small bus is fairly crowded already but there is one open seat on the left. Y/n helps Kennedy up the stairs and ushers her to the seat. A few eyes gloss over the two before reverting back to wherever they were looking before. Y/n feels so awkward and out of place even though she has no reason to be. It’s been years since she’s had to deal with the busy process of the airport and it’s her first time with Kennedy. She stands close to her, worried that somehow if she takes her eyes off of her for even a second that the girl would disappear. Y/n’s mother offered to come with them, but Y/n politely declined her offer. It was hard enough to answer her phone call in the first place; she just isn’t ready to talk to her yet let alone be around her.

The cracked windows of the bus allow a breeze of tepid air to flow in and out. Y/n is grateful that she got to come to the city now when it’s Spring, almost Summer, time. It’s lovely in the winter, but she doesn’t think she would be able to handle the snow and the cold while alone with a five-year-old Kennedy. She hasn’t seen snow yet, but maybe when she’s older they’ll come back together so she can see just how pretty a city looks when it’s covered in a light dust of snow.

“I’m hungry.”

“Shh, I know you are. I promise when we get the car and then we’ll stop and get some food, okay?”

The plan seemed to placate the little girl who was playing with the straps of her little book bag. They had run out of snacks half-way through the plane ride and Y/n was worried about a meltdown happening but Kennedy just sat with a pout on her face and her arms crossed instead of making a big fuss. Y/n took her silent anger as a win as long as she wasn’t crying on the plane.

They come to a stop and a few people file out before Y/n and Kennedy can leave. Some man grabs Y/n’s suitcase for her to give her a helping hand. He gives her a sympathetic look, one that she is used to and has learned to stop taking the wrong way. She’s just glad to have made it this far even though their journey isn’t necessarily complete. And with Kennedy’s hand in hers, they walk inside the car rental center.

What was a hectic 7 hours of her life felt worth it once they were secure in the car and driving into the city. Y/n feels a sense of relief when she drives into the city and passes a few buildings that are painfully familiar to her. She can hear Kennedy constantly going ‘wow’ in the backseat as they move deeper in the city. Y/n had the same feeling when she first stepped foot into this city. The buildings are so high up that it can make anyone feel small and it’s a city that’s always buzzing.

“Are those buildings touching the sky?”

“Kind of. If we have enough time we can take a tour of the tallest building in the city and look at the clouds!”

Kennedy let out a satisfied giggle that made Y/n smile. It is bittersweet. Completely bittersweet. She was coming back to the city, mixing her old life with the new.

Y/n hopes that everything goes smoothly with her job, Kennedy, and herself. She is older, but she is not necessarily better with handling her emotions. She pushes them down, and it’s easy to push down smaller feelings of sadness and disappointment related to the newer aspects of her life, but the feelings from her 19 year-old are proving to be a fighter. She fought back veryhard to keep those feelings deep down from bubbling up. But the dissonance in her head had her feeling completely out of whack the moment she accepted the offer from her job. In the last few weeks she pretended like she didn’t care about the particular location. Yet the years of imagining and secretly rehearsing the scenarios she imagined in her head where she comes out on top serve as evidence that she does stillcare no matter how hard she tries to convince herself she’s not. There is a slim chance of running into anyone, she believes, but even just being here makes her wonder.

-

“It’s two weeks long. I know you’ve got Kennedy to take care of but the university provides a daycare service. Dr. Bennett specifically requested you— she said something about an old teacher of yours? Anyway, this would be great for your resume, and it’s paid for. I hope you don’t let this opportunity pass you.”

Y/n found it tedious to travel for her job. Location aside, she didn’t like having to make a decision about something so major so quickly. There were many, manypros to this little two week work trip, and virtually no cons honestly. But it felt like a ripping off the band-aid off of a wound too early — except she suffered that wound 7 years ago. Now she is sitting in the place that is the very genesis of where many of her problems began.

Kennedy was buzzing to go into the place with the giant frog outside. It looked just the same as it did when Y/n first came here, not even a single poster on the wall had been switched out for something newer. She hesitated to step inside but she had no choice when the five-year-old developed some mysterious strength and dragged her to the door as she walked on her little feet.

“Look at my frog!” Kennedy croons. Y/n quickly shushes her so she doesn’t disturb anyone around them. Y/n noticed a few annoyed glances when she walked in with a small child in tow. She knows what it’s like to be bothered by the presence of a kid in a place that’s normally chill and meant for concentration. But, she also found herself being angry at the people who even looked at Kennedy with an ounce of contempt. Other people’s reactions to Kennedy is still something Y/n is not used to, especially since their town back home is small and they don’t interact with that many people.

“We can’t stay here long, okay?”

“But why?”

“Because we have to go back to the hotel and unpack or else we’ll never get to it.”

The girl said nothing, she just ignored Y/n and went back to playing with the toy frog that came with her meal. She has so much energy yet Y/n feels swamped. It’s partially her fault for obsessing over whether or not Kennedy was going to behave. She was on edge thinking about someone yelling at them on the airplane because Kennedy was too loud. Y/n is a big girl now, but confrontation still scares her. She also wouldn’t want Kennedy to be upset for any reason.

But, she doesn’t have to worry about that now. It’s easy to become inundated with the what-ifs and scenarios where everything goes wrong that it’s hard to remember that everything is fine. Y/n’s worries are a part of a larger fear she’s playing the game of pretending it’s not there. She may have to confront that some time while she’s here, but right now everything is fine. Kennedy is preoccupied and making a soft noises that she thinksa frog makes, a song Y/n remembers from years ago is playing through the speakers, and they made it to the city safely. Y/n reminds herself of those three very real facts to bring herself back down to Earth. She’s been so in her head, and always has been, but it can no longer be her coping mechanism when she has very real things in the real world to deal with.

She lets Kennedy enjoy a few extra minutes snacking on her food and playing with her toy before Y/n realizes that they spent a little too long in the café. The familiarity makes it so comforting that the time flew by.

“Alright Kennedy, it’s time for us to go.”

Kennedy didn’t make any complaints, much to Y/n’s relief. She could always entice Kennedy with a trip to the hotel’s pool if she ever acts up, but that’s her last resort.

“When we go back, can we watch TV?” Kennedy reaches up with her small hand and Y/n grabs a hold of it, both of them holding onto each other tightly in what feels like a strange new world for the younger one.

“Sure, but after we put all of our clothes away, okay?”

“Fine.”

Y/n has this habit of looking down at Kennedy as she’s talking to her even if she’s walking. She’s walked into strangers before so when it happens to her right in this moment it doesn’t feel like such a big deal to her.

“Oh god! I’m so sorry…sorry!” Y/n scrambles so much that she doesn’t even open her eyes or look up at the person who she bumped into.

“I thought that was you.”

Movies and TV shows have told her that a familiar smell, sound, or voice can transport a person back to a poignant time in their life; today was not the day Y/n wanted to learn that that was true. She looks up and feels like she’s got the wind knocked out of her. Not even the collusion was as jarring as registering Natasha’s face in her head. Suddenly it felt like the Earth had shifted underneath her feet and she felt uneasy. Of course the thing to pull her back was Kennedy’s little voice.

“Sorry for running into you!” She says as if she was the one being so careless and clumsy. She’s completely oblivious to what is going on.

Watching Natasha laugh and bend over to reassure Kennedy that she hadn’t done anything wrong made Y/n’s blood run cold. She found herself warring with her needs and her wants. She needsto keep walking and leave as quickly as possible, but what her subconscious wants is to stay here and imagine Natasha being present for every single moment of the past seven years, including the day Kennedy entered Y/n’s life.

“I…I’m sorry,” Y/n repeats, this time her voice hoarse due to her dry mouth. She’s sure that Natasha is still able to read her like a book and knows how deathly nervous she is.

Natasha stands tall again and looks at her. She’s looking at her as if they’re old classmates or something like that; not people who once dated each other. It’s partially because Natasha doesn’t really know how to act around Y/n, but that’s not how Y/n takes it.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”

Kennedy looks between the two adults as they stand there silent. She’s so confused but her five year old brain would not be able to comprehend this moment even if someone tried to explain it to her. She doesn’t know why Y/n is frozen in the spot, not saying anything, and just staring at this stranger. She also doesn’t know why Y/n would be so scared of this random woman.

“Why are you here — I mean — why are you in the city? I never thought I’d see you here again,” Natasha laughs nervously.

“Work. I’m here for work,” Y/n responds curtly.

Natasha nods her head which makes Y/n nod her head too. It’s so awkward that Y/n wants the floor to open up and swallow her whole. She forgets all about the task at hand of going back to the hotel and unpacking all of their clothes for the next two weeks. She feels many emotions at once, some she doesn’t even have the words to describe, and that’s why she’s paralyzed. She’s wondering if she’s going to wake up any moment now and will still be on the plane.

“Excuse me!”

Without thinking, all three of them step to the side. Neither Natasha or Y/n realized they were blocking the exit to the cafe. Natasha can’t be mad at the guy who yelled at them because they were being a nuisance, but this is an important moment that Natasha doesn’t want to be ruined by outside influences.

Natasha never thought this would happen more so than Y/n. She didn’t think Y/n would want to step foot into this city ever again; she already wasn’t too fond of it, plus Natasha had given her a reason to hate it. She can’t decide which is more shocking, seeing Y/n here at this cafe where they met for the first time or that she has a child holding onto her hand for dear life right now. She can’t help but keep glancing down at the little girl because she’s desperately trying to see if she can recognize the traces of Y/n’s face in hers. Natasha had not checked up on Y/n after deleting her Myspace page, and she felt too guilty to find her on Facebook (if Y/n even used it).

She wonders if Y/n is still mad at her even after all of these years. She wouldn’t be able to blame her if she was mad. The more time Natasha had to sit with her thoughts she came to the conclusion that what she had done was shitty to say the least. Not just the break-up itself, but the entire relationship as a whole was a bad move on her part. She knew that in the moment when it was happening, but those few months after she felt worse and worse about it. What Natasha wasn’t expecting was to feel sobad about it right now. Y/n is not a young girl anymore, she’s 27 now, but in her face Natasha can still see some of that innocence she had in college. It’s good that a part of the light in her eyes hadn’t been completely dulled, but she’s so curious if it’s because she’s matured or not.

“How long are you staying in the city?”

Y/n is hesitant to even give her an answer. She knows what that question will lead to and she knows she won’t be able to decline any offers from Natasha. And that’s exactly why she answers, “two weeks.”

“Two weeks is a long time! What are you going to be doing.”

“Oh, I’m a research assistant. I’m going to be working in the university downtown. I didn’t want to do it, but you know how jobs give you better opportunities if you clear your whole life schedule and travel for them.”

What was a little joke to clear up some of that awkward air was a reminder of why it’s so awkward to be around Natasha in the first place. Y/n sees a change in Natasha’s face, a flash of guilt, but the redhead quickly washes it away. Y/n didn’t mean it in that way even though deep down she still has that resentment towards her ex-girlfriend.

“That sounds great,” Natasha’s eyes flash down to the little girl who is anxiously buzzing before looking back at Y/n, “well I won’t hold you two up any longer. But, I do want to extend an invite to have dinner. It’s the least I can do.” Through the formalities and faux friendly behavior is a show of humility from Natasha. The look in her eye is almost sympathetic, like a nice good meal is the best she can do to offer Y/n some comfort for a pain she caused seven years ago. “You two will probably be eating out a lot, so I can cook so you can have a homemade meal,” she continues.

Before she can’t process anything Y/n’s lips are moving and she’s agreeing to this plan.

“Great. I have a new place that’s nice and big, and I could use some guests to help me break in the place. We can exchange numbers and go from there.”

“It’s still (630) 555-3825, right?”

“Yeah,” Natasha is shocked that Y/n still remembers her number. She also can’t gloss over the fact that Y/n figured she wouldn’t change her number. “That’s exactly it.”

“I’ll call. Okay?” Natasha nods her head. Y/n looks down at Kennedy to check in with her; the little girl was growing restless just standing there and listening to the adults talk and they’re going to have to go soon. “I’ll see you later.”

Y/n gives her a small smile, the first one of the trip, and the first one Natasha has seen in years. It’s refreshing to see even if she can tell that it’s forced when she sees Y/n’s true emotions are right in her eyes.

Y/n walks past her and leaves the café with Kennedy in tow. Natasha is still a bit stunned that that actuallyhappened. It was like a movie moment in real life but without the glamor and a more painful feeling. She didn’t expect a happy reunion, but she at least thought the tension between the two would have lessened. It’s been 7 years, many career changes, and possibly many relationships later, that shouldrequire someone to move on to an extent. She hopes that the dinner will be more lighthearted and less awkward. She can’t believe Y/n accepted her offer, but if she’s anything like she remembers then Y/n still struggles to say no.

Natasha leaves the café and heads home in the opposite direction of Y/n’s hotel. What was once a decent, sunny morning turned into a bitter afternoon. It was the opposite of what Natasha felt inside. She felt an optimism that was almost uneasy. For years after that break-up she was desperate to make it up to Y/n for her ego’s sake. She wanted to prove to Y/n and herself that the break-up wasn’t just a power move. But, it is also easy for Natasha to delude herself when she wants to justify her actions that cause emotional harm. She’ll have to reevaluate what she gains from this and what she wants out of it, if she wants anything, but right now she revels in the happenstance.

That is until her phone begins to buzz and takes her out of the moment. An unfamiliar number pops up on her screen. She rarely answers calls from numbers she doesn’t know, but she does this time.

“Hello?”

“I’m just making sure you have my number.”

Natasha was not expecting Y/n to callher just five minutes later. Y/n didn’t expect to call her either but she wanted to hear that voice again and how it has changed so much yet still tugs on her heart all the same. She’s too stubborn to admit any of that to herself though.

“Oh okay. I have your number now.”

“Okay. My work schedule isn’t exactly always accurate so I’ll be the one calling you,” Y/n says matter of factly.

“That’s fine. I’m off of work every day at 4.”

“Okay I’ll call you when I can to set dinner up. Bye-“

Natasha quickly interrupts her before she can hang up, “Y/n?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you something? I don’t want to be rude or pry, but I’m just very curious.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Is that your daughter?”

Y/n is surprised Natasha hadn’t asked her sooner. She kept looking at Kennedy with a mix of fear and confusion when they were at the shop; Natasha tried to hide it in her eyes but it was so obvious to Y/n. There is no way that a person wouldn’t have many questions when seeing their ex with a small child. Maybe Natasha didn’t ask earlier because she wanted to be polite and not ask in front of Kennedy. Y/n is grateful for that.

“No. She’s not mine, but she is mine…if that makes sense.”

“It does.” It absolutely doesn’t make sense to Natasha, but now is not the time to try to get any more information out of Y/n. Despite there still being some confusion, Natasha feels a sense of relief wash over her at the answer.

“Okay, well I gotta go.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye bye.”

Natasha’s plans when leaving the house today to run some errands was to go home afterwards and continue her productive day. Now she feels like kicking her shoes off and taking a bottle straight from her wine cellar. Bucky is going to be in for a story tonight.

Chatroom [10] ◇

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 5.7k.

Part Nine || Fin

Chatroom Masterlist

Summary:This time, it is Natasha who has her mind completely made up about this relationship.

A/N:Here’s the end of Chatroom. This story was originally supposed to only be a one-shot but the support for more chapters turned this into a complete series! Thank you for all the support on this story. There will be a sequel, Let Me In, which will begin in February. This is also the last fic of the year and it’s been a long one. Thank you all for sticking with me this year and if you’re a new follower then welcome! Let’s hope 2022 is better

The sun is so high in the sky today.

Winter’s consistent cold has finally broke. Everyone is enjoying the sun beaming onto their skin and the approaching end of the semester. Some people will be graduating, like Amy’s sort-of-kind-of boyfriend, but Y/n has two more years left.

When she was first applying to college, the prospect of staying in one place for four years felt like so much. She’s heard the horror stories about college and how stressful it can be. Her first year was not good for the most part. Her sophomore year was better, but still not the best. However, Y/n is feeling much more optimistic about these next two years because for the first time in her life she knows what she wants for herself

“Everyone is going to be going down to the pier, and the pizza place is going to be packed.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know? Maybe we can hangout at the lounge? It’s always empty during the last week of school.”

Y/n is going to miss her friends more than usual this time around. She still feels little pangs of guilt for not telling them the full story of her relationship. There are still many things they don’t know about, but it didn’t seem necessary to get into the details of everything. They know the basic story and that’s fine for them. Y/n realizes how lucky she is that her friends didn’t just discard her after learning she kept something big from them.

“I can’t believe youof all people will be studying abroad,” Cindy pokes at Amy. It came as a surprise to both Cindy and Y/n. The girl who raved about being in a sorority and on the cheerleading team was leaving both behind to go study in Europe for an entire year.

“Why is it so shocking? I feel like I’m cultured! Maybe I’ll find myself a French boyfriend,” Amy jokes and Cindy laughs along. She wasn’t the only one who had studying abroad on her mind though, “how about you Y/n? Have you made your decision yet?”

The pamphlet sits in her backpack, waiting for her to read it again. The edges are curled over and slightly ripped from being stuffed inside with all those books and notebooks. Y/n has probably ready the pamphlet about ten times already; she’s had it for two weeks now. She was just so indecisive despite the encouragement from both of her friends. Even her parents weren’t turned off by the idea. The only person she didn’t run it by is Natasha. She isn’t sure how her girlfriend would react to her being gone for that long. Summer break is already long enough, but tack on an additional six months and it’s nearly a year along.

“I don’t know. My advisor said it’s still not too late, but I’m running out of time. It’s just…hard.”

She could always just wait until the second semester of her junior year. Maybe by then she’ll have the courage to talk to Natasha about it. But, she really wants to go as soon as she can. She spent hours on her laptop looking at Myspace pages and the blogs of people studying abroad. They looked so carefree, yet they were achieving so much and meeting new people. She remembers how much Natasha talked about traveling and how amazing it was for her.

“Yeah, you’re not like me; you actually have a relationship to think about. You should still do it. You don’t have to join me in France, but based off of the fact that your parents, of all people are agreeing to this then you should seize the opportunity.”

Her friends were pushing her to take the opportunity. Cindy was going to be without her best friends for a year, but she thinks this is a necessary step for them, especially for Y/n.

“I don’t know — it’s a lot to consider.” It is obvious to her friend that there is something holding her back, and that something is her relationship.

“Did you tell Natasha about it?”

“No. She’s been busy with work and I didn’t want to bother her. Our conversations have been fairly short since our trip. Both of us are just busy.”

It wasn’t a complete lie, but Y/n had plenty of chances to tell Natasha about this, but she caves every time. Y/n doesn’t like to acknowledge whyshe’s nervous to tell Natasha about this. It’s a positive thing yet she’s afraid. She fears that her girlfriend might dump her due to the distance, or worse, tell her to go and then forget about her while she’s gone. Her mind visuals herself logging onto Myspace and seeing photos of Natasha with someone else. But, considering that both of them have been using Myspace less and less, maybe she’ll just never hear from Natasha again. She could block Y/n’s number or change her own number.

Y/n finds her thoughts to be irrational, but they plague her mind. She shakes them away every chance she gets, but they come creeping in. She spent a whole week with Natasha just a mere two weeks ago, there isn’t a good reason why she thinks thisof all things would blow her relationship up. There have been more fumbles throughout their relationship, and this just can’t be one. Natasha has encouraged her to open up and this would be a pretty extreme way of opening up.

“But, I’ll try to tell her tonight — if I can reach her. If not tonight, then tomorrow night.”

“Good.”

Y/n takes a deep breath as Cindy and Amy go back to planning a get together. She shouldn’t be so nervous. She left the trip feeling happy and fulfilled. She didn’t hear the “I love you” that she expected, but it’s fine. She read in an online article that everyone says I love you at different times. She let it slip a few times but she tried to act like nothing happened. Some people have a hard time expressing themselves, and maybe Natasha is one of them. Y/n was fine with that, especially since she left the trip with something special. Around her wrist is an emerald green bracelet Natasha gifted to her. Coincidentally it was a bracelet that Natasha had gotten when she was in England, the country Y/n was considering studying abroad in. Everything felt like it was meant to be, which is why she doesn’t want to be so nervous about asking Natasha.

This is her taking the leap. This is her taking initiative in her life.

Her efforts are appreciated by her friends, even her parents, and most importantly herself. There is only one last important person in her life to tell, but Natasha is the person who will be the most proud of her.

-

Natasha was shutting off her desktop later than usual. Thanks to it officially being Spring, there was still some sunlight peeking over the horizon. It’s currently 7:02, two hours and two minutes after the usual time she leaves.

Everyone in the office could see the cloud hanging over her head, but no one asked her how she was. Hell, no one even approached her — she’s not the nicest co-worker in the building when she’s upset.

Time is her current scapegoat. Before it was bad luck, before it was otherpeople — but now it is time.

Natasha came to the realization that this relationship with Y/n has been the most inconsistent thing in her life. Even hooking-up with people was a more consistent thing. But, with Y/n it’s either a good time or a bad time, and it seems to teeter-totter between good and bad. Everything was perfect after she came home from the trip. Work was going good, her social life was going good, and her relationship was solid again. But of course there was another wrench thrown into her life. If only this had come before she met Y/n.

She thought that leaving late from work would be the solution to all of her problems, that way she could avoid her boss at all cost. She told Y/n she was working late hours at work (which isn’t a complete lie, but she didn’t feel like explaining how Myspace is banned on her job’s server after an incident where someone posted a photo of one of the bosses drunk at the annual holiday party). She was at her cubicle for hours, feeling closed in by the walls.

She sighs and shakes it off for another night. However, just as she begins to stand up, her boss is blocking her path.

“Why haven’t you answered my emails?”

Natasha felt like a kid getting caught stealing candy. Tony was going to catch her eventually, so it was naive of her to think she could avoid him at all cost.

“Sorry…sorry,” she shakes her head and smiles trying to appear as if the conversation between her and Tony genuinely slipped her mind, “I’ve been busy. I wasn’t ignoring you on purpose.”

Tony doesn’t believe her, but he isn’t going to argue with her. Natasha isn’t in trouble, but she’s avoiding him like she is. He’s not understand why his best employee is acting like this.

“Have you thought about the offer?”

“I have.”

“And?”

“I’m still thinking about it.”

Tony sighs in a mix of frustration and defeat. He can’t forceNatasha to say yes, but he won’t just accept a ‘no’ from her.

“You know I need you to answer soon, Natasha. The office in London is waiting for an answer, and you know I’m a man of punctuality!”

Tony’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard. She didn’t want to hear another word about the offer or the word ‘London’ – she could go an entire lifetime not hearing it ever again.

She looks away from her boss, and he’s no idiot. Natasha would never turn down an opportunity like this. In fact, she thought this offer was going to come to her a little over a year ago. She had been working hardto get that temporary office transfer to London, but was crushed when a former co-worker, Melina, got it. Natasha thought that shedeserved that spot. She was less than kind when complaining to Bucky about Melina who she claimed would be “gallivanting around the city with her legs wide open” in the city that she had dreamed about living in.

It was unfair then, and it’s unfair now. She didn’t have a relationship to consider when the rumors of her name being attached to the offer floated around the office nearly two years ago.

“If something is holding you back then get rid of it now,” Tony says suddenly.

Natasha holds back at gasp. It was like Tony was reading her mind and it was making everything so much worse.

“You shouldn’t let anything get in front of an opportunity like this — especially since you would have said yes in a heartbeatif this was two years ago. You’re not in your 20s anymore Natasha. You’re a big girl.”

Tony was basically telling her ‘take the offer or your career will suffer’. One thing that Natasha has mastered is reading between the lines. Even when she’s nervous or distracted, she knows that most people’s words have a double meaning. Working in business is not easy and she prepared herself to make hard decisions, but the last thing she expected to stand in her way is a relationship.

Natasha is not saying no to the offer. She was never going to say no to the offer. But, what she needed was time, the one thing she has been blaming over and over again. She needs time to think about what she’s going to do. Would it be fair to force a 20 year old girl into a long distance relationship? It’s already tough being an hour away from each other, how could they survive a 6 hour time difference with an entire ocean between them? Natasha knows that if she brings it up to Y/n that Y/n will be willing to accept it. She wonders if she should accept it too.

By the time she lands back in the states, Y/n will be a fresh college graduate and preparing herself for grad school; it would be perfect.

So, why does it seem like such a hard decision to make?

A long distance relationship just sounds so dreadful. Natasha enjoyed the trip with Y/n so much that she realized that she needs the closeness if this relationship is going to work. An hour is a barrier, but not as big of a barrier as her being away in another country. But, throwing an opportunity like this away for a relationship sounds very unlike her. That’s why she’s been trying to avoid Tony as much as possible — her thoughts are conflicting and change every single second.

Tony had left her alone to fester in the silence. He hoped that the little “pep talk” he gave her would push her into making the right decision. He specifically told the company that Natasha would be the perfect fit. Not only should she feel an ego boost from that, but it would be a pay raise, and when she comes back she’ll have an elevated position in the company. This is something she struggledto achieve. Taking on hard jobs with stupid long hours to get into grad school and finally getting her masters. She deservesthis after all that hard work.

Natasha figures her problems out herself, but she felt something nagging at her to ask someone for guidance about this. She leaves the office, pulling on her light jacket, and heads in the direction of the restaurant she was supposed to be at an hour ago.

Wanda called everyone to get together to celebrate. What is she celebrating? Quitting her job. Everyone found it so funny that she was gathering everyone to celebrate her being new unemployed, but Wanda hated her boss and hated that job so leaving called for celebration.

Everyone was already warmed-up, slightly tipsy, and full off of appetizers. No one noticed Natasha walk up to the table and take the spot designated for her over the gregarious air of the room. No one, except for Bucky who was seated right next to her.

“Where were you?”

“Work,” she says plainly as she takes her jacket off. Bucky was suspicious, but once he saw her outfit underneath her jacket he knew she was telling the truth. His eyes trail up to Natasha’s face and she looks an absolute mess.

“You look like shit. Do you want wine?”

Natasha gives him a harsh stare but nods her head in acceptance. She ran out of Merlot last week and hasn’t had the time to get more from the store. She just felt so tired and worn thin, the decision weighing heavy on her. The stress is written all over her face, it’s one of the first things Bucky noticed when she plopped down next to him. He struggled to find something to say. Usually Natasha has a better poker face, but now her guard is completely down. He runs through a list of things that could be the problem and at the top of the list is her relationship. Bucky hates to pry, but at the same time he doesn’t.

“Trouble in paradise? Oh, and how was your trip?” He pushes a plate of bread towards Natasha’s direction so she can have something to eat while she drinks. The last thing Natasha needs is to get shit-faced drunk when she has work in the morning.

“It was great. Too great.”

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”

Natasha looks around the table and no one is looking at her and Bucky. She leans into him as if they could even be heard over the different conversations going on at the table.

“I got an offer from Tony.”

“What? What is it?” Bucky was intrigued. He doesn’t know much about thee great Tony Stark aside from his reputation in the city and what Natasha tells him. From what he knows, Tony doesn’t just give out offers for fun.

“London. Two years. I’d be working with one of the sister companies, and I’d be making bank. Not only that, but I’d come back home to a senior position which is salaried.”

“Isn’t that the offer you wanted like a year ago? That would be amazingfor your career? Why is this a dilemma for you?”

Just as he’s finishing his question, Bucky quickly realizes whythis is a dilemma for her. It’s that relationship of hers that makes her hesitate. Bucky is surprised her relationship has lasted this long despite Y/n’s young age. Of course there are things he doesn’t know, but Natasha was buzzing after her trip. She even changed her relationship status on Facebook to ‘in a relationship.’ For other people that’s just a given, but for Natasha it is a big deal. Bucky gave Y/n a bit of a hard time, but she seemed like a good girl. Of all the things that might end the relationship, Bucky didn’t see this coming. Neither did Natasha which is why she’s so anxious right now.

“Does she know about it?”

“No.”

“Well you have to tell her.”

“I know, I know. I’m not stupid.”

Natasha was being incredibly short with Bucky. He sighs in frustration, but he doesn’t expect anything else from his friend. She’s not going to just spill her guts at the dinner table, he’s going to have to pry it out of her though.

“You should tell her soon. You’ve been seeing her for over a year now, right? This is a very big deal, Nat.”

“I know. I’ve been meaning to tell her, but whenever we talk on the phone the conversations are short. I also wanted to tell her in person, but she can’t find the time to come to the city. This isn’tsomething I want to discuss on the phone, it just seems unfair to do that to her. But, it seems like it’s going to happen that way.”

“Well, what are you thinking? What are you considering?”

“I’m not turning that offer down. I’d be the dumbest bitch on the planet if I did that. But, if I break-up with Y/n then I’ll feel like the biggest bitch on the planet — either way I feel like a bitch but there has to be a less painful option.”

“So you’re considering long distance?”

“Yes. But, why does that feel like a cop out? It just sounds sounfair to do that to Y/n. She’s 20…why would she want to be in a relationship like this? I can’t be there for her like she wants me to, and if I’m that far away I won’t be there at all. She could date anyone at her college-“

“Someone more age appropriate?”

Bucky knew that was a point of contention in their relationship, at least on Natasha’s side. He wonders if Y/n knows more about her now that it’s been a year. It’s easier for Natasha to hide parts of herself and her life when her girlfriend is 50 miles away and in college.

“I ruined her birthday,” Natasha says with a sigh. Her stomach growls in hunger, but she can’t bring herself to eat right now. She only came because she didn’t want to be alone, “she said everything was fine because I took her on the trip, but when is she going to stand up for herself? I would’ve ended my relationship if my older girlfriend did what I did to her. I don’t want to throw a pity party for myself, but I haven’t been a good girlfriend at all, yet she still sees potential in this? I can’t help but wonder if it’s just because she’s never experienced this before or if it’s because it’s me.”

“From what you tell me, it seems like she reallylikes you. She was shy and kept clinging to you at your birthday party. She seems like a nice girl too.”

“What would you do if you were me?”

“C’mon, Nat, that’s not fair to ask,” Bucky says abruptly. Bucky has had his fair share of messy relationships, but nothing like this. He’s never had a glaringly obvious age gap in his relationship. “My opinion can only mean so much because I don’t know all that has happened between you two.”

“I still want your opinion. You’re one of my closest friends, Bucky.” She wasn’t going to lay off him until he was telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.

“I think you should stay with her if you reallywant to. It seems like she makes you happy. I don’t think there has ever been a time where I saw you smiling at your phone because you got a text. Maybe the space is something you both need. You’ll both grow in two years time. And who knows, maybe Y/n will break it off.”

Natasha hadn’t thought about that being a possibility. Maybe it will be Y/n who is turned off by the distance and wants to end things. That relieves Natasha for some reason. She just doesn’t want to hurt Y/n. She could temper her own heartbreak if Y/n wants to end things.

“Okay…okay…I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“Good. Whatever happens, don’t blame me,” he jokes.

Natasha gives him a half-hearted smile. Talking did help, but this is something that shehas to figure out herself. She knew from the beginning what her decision would be, but she had to put herself through the wringer before facing the hard part. Her mind is completely made up, and it has been for some time.

-

Two essays down with two more to go.

Y/n was ahead of her personal schedule and she felt on top of the world. It was a warm day today, and the rain didn’t come like the forecast said it would. And, her roommate was not being as strict as she was last semester. She herself was up working on a paper. Their backs are to each other as they work at their desks, the light over their desks hurting both of their eyes.

Y/n felt her phone buzz which gave her the perfect excuse to pull her eyes away from her laptop. She had a break scheduled in about 30 minutes from now, but she needed it now. Her eyes light up when she sees that it’s Natasha calling. She pulls out of her desk and leaves the room before answering the phone.

“Hold on, let me go to the lounge,” she says before Natasha could get a word out.

She walks down the hallway, the hallway with awful reception. The call drops without her realizing it. She was lucky that the lounge was empty so she could call Natasha back.

“Hey.”

“Hi, sorry about that. The reception in the dorms sucks. But, I’m here now.”

“You’re here now.”

Now that she’s settled into the call, Y/n reminds herself that she has something to tell Natasha. She’s worried about her reaction, but it’s now or never since tomorrow is the last day to notify her advisor whether she is going to do it or not.

“I have something really, reallyimportant to tell you.”

“I do too.”

“O-Okay,” Y/n says shyly, “you go first!”

“I wanted to tell you this in person because it’s an important thing and not something we should be discussing over the phone, I respect you more than that, but I know neither of us will be able to find the time and I’m on a time crunch so we have to do it this way. I got a job offer out of the country and I’m taking it. I already told Tony yesterday that I’m going.”

Natasha’s voice is dry. She had to down a full glass of wine before calling Y/n. She was slightly dizzy, but her words came out smoothly. She felt like she was out of her body and her lips were moving without her being mindful of it.

“Oh…that’s great!” Y/n wondered if Natasha could hear the fakeness of her voice. It’s not like she’s not happy for her girlfriend, it’s just that she doesn’t know what this means for them. This also makes it harder for her to tell Natasha her important news. More time and more distance between the two sounds like something that would end a relationship.

“I’ll be going at the end of the Summer, so we only have a little bit of time left. I’ll be gone for two years…I know that’s such a long time, but in college the time flies. I’m sure you’ll be preoccupied with all the college stuff you do and whatever your friends get you into. I understand if this doesn’t sound ideal though. I’ll be off in London and you’ll be in the states.”

“You’re going to London?”

“Yeah?” Natasha was confused. Not because of the question, but because of the tone of Y/n’s voice. The upturn of her voice couldn’t be anything other than happiness?

“Well that’s great because my big news is that I’m thinking about studying abroad and I wanted to go to England! I don’t have enough time to learn another language so that was one of my only options. The school Brecker is partnered with has a great biology program. I don’t know if it’s in London but we would still be in the same country! Oh god I was so nervous to tell you about it because I didn’t want to be so far away from you, but we can still be close!”

Y/n felt over the moon. It was too perfect to be a coincidence that Natasha was going to London and she has the opportunity to study in England for a full school year if she wants to. Her excitement is boiling over, but Natasha doesn’t share the same excitement. It’s perfect, right?

“Don’t you think this is great? That way we would only be apart for a year. I know I have the freedom here at college, but can you imagine how things will be in another country with just the two of us?” Y/n was met with silence from the other side of the phone, and it was beginning to get to her. “Isn’t it great? I was so nervous to tell you, but everything worked out.”

The desperation in her voice was becoming palpable. Natasha’s voice was caught in her throat. She was completely blindsided and not prepared for this. One of the many things she wanted in life was to travel the world with someone she loves. But, that person isn’t supposed to be a college student; a girl who just entered her 20s.

“It sounds great Y/n,” she says with a sigh, “but I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t upend your life for me.”

“But I’m not. I-I wanted to go but was afraid that the news would upset you, but now we still have a chance to be together! You should be happy about this.”

“Y/n. You’re a 20 year old girl. If you want to study abroad then that’s great, but you shouldn’t be concerned about me or following me around.”

“How am I following you around? It’s just a coincidence but it’s a good one. Why are you not happy?”

Natasha groans in frustration. Y/n was having trouble reading between the lines. This was not how things were supposed to go. She was supposed to tell Y/n about the job transfer. She had no plans to end the relationship because in reality she expected Y/n to dump her.

“At 20, you shouldn’t be so concerned about a serious relationship.”

“So why did you get into a relationship with me then!? You knew how old I was…and I still don’t even know how old youare! You don’t tell me anything! It’s like you don’t even want to be in a relationship with me and now you’re coming up with some bullshit excuse.”

Her voice fills the lounge on her floor and bellows down the hallways. A few of the girls on her floor can hear her voice — it’s just another break-up happening in the sophomore lounge.

"You need to let this go Y/n.”

“I can’t! I can’t! It’s not fair! You’re giving up! Why are you giving up!?”

“Because you’re too fucking stupid to realize that I’m doing what’s best for you! Even if you study abroad in England, what if it’s not in London? What if we’re separated even more than we are now? And who’s to say that you won’t be too busy to see me or vice versa? You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t have to hesitate on life decisions just because of me. You’re at a time in your life that is greatly unique. This is the only time in your life where you will feel like you have no real responsibilities in life. There is a lot of ugly shit in this world and it’s not easy-“

“You’re not making any sense. What does any of that have to do with us!? You knew I was in college, you knew I was 19 when we began dating, but you decided to continue a relationship with me. Youdid that, not just me. I didn’t get into this relationship alone so I don’t know why you’re just talking about random stuff. We can be together, so why are you doing this? Are you doing this just to hurt me?”

Natasha can’t give her a clear answer. Hell, she doesn’t even have one herself. When she left the office today, she told herself that she was going to let Y/n make the call about their relationship. But, she didn’t think Y/n would just have the “perfect” solution to the distance. Natasha can’t put her finger on why it’s imperative to end things right now, but she knows it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do was back off Y/n when she learned her age and her upbringing. There are so many similarities between the two of them except that when Natasha got to college she threw allcaution to the wind and get burned. She doesn’t want the same for Y/n. What would be worse? Both being in the same foreign country and slowly beginning to drift apart because of being busy and self-discovery, or ending things now? This is not a fairy tale. Just because Y/n thinks things are fine doesn’t mean they are. She just keeps ignoringeverything. There was shit she shouldn’t have ignored. Natasha found herself slightly turned off by her passive behavior. As painful and awful as it is, Natasha believes that this is what Y/n needs to learn to stand up for herself. If Natasha had learned this lesson at 20 like Y/n then she wouldn’t have wasted her 20s in such shitty relationships.

“You need to form an identity of your own. When you grow up the way you did it’s easy to latch onto someone. Are you going to trail me the rest of my life?”

“We are in a relationship. Why are you acting so annoyed that I want us to be together!?”

“I want you to be your own person,” Natasha continues. She was tuning Y/n’s voice out so she could get through this without breaking down. She finds it hard to believe that Y/n would take her back if she suddenly changed her mind and puts on a happy voice and says that this will be great, but she knows that Y/n will let her put her through all that heartache just to hear what she wants to hear. “You don’t understand. You’re not going to understand for a very long time, but this is necessary.

“B-But I love you,” her voice wavered as tears slipped down her face. She felt stupid for crying, stupid for being so vulnerable. How could she not see this coming? They just spent a week together not too long ago and it was the best time of her life. Y/n had come to the conclusion that she lovesNatasha on that trip. She’s never been in love so she doesn’t know if that’s how she currently feels but she felt like she could get to that point. Why was Natasha stopping her dead in her tracks before she could come to that point? Why doesn’t Natasha understand her?

“You need to let this go. Let mego. I’m just one person, you’ll meet a thousand more people in your life that will mean much more to you than I do. Everything feels so big and life-changing right now but that’s because you’re 20. You have so much ahead of you and I don’t want to give you a complex because I’m selfish-”

“But you’re being selfish right now! You’re not listening to me at all!”

Natasha sighs. For the last time she opens her mouth to speak to Y/n.

“Please take care of yourself.”

The phone plays it’s call-ended sound, and it sounded out so loudly in Y/n’s ears. She stares at her phone, almost wanting to throw it across the room and let it break into pieces as if it was the person who hurts her. Her vision is slightly blurred as she bites back her rage. It simmers inside of her and makes her head hurt. She gets broken up with and all she gets is a ‘please take care of yourself’. Natasha’s words repeat in her head like a mantra that makes her sick to her stomach.

She has no answer and no clear understanding of what just happened. Just herself and the useless sentence: please take care of yourself.

Y/n has never felt so alone in her life.

Natasha Romanoff x Reader. 3rd POV. Word Count: 4.1k.

Part Eight||Part Ten

Chatroom Masterlist

Summary:Y/n and Natasha continue their trip and enjoy each other’s company alone.

Content:age gap, some angst, fluff, smut (18+ only, MINORS DNI), semi-public sex, fingering, tribing.

A/N: One more chapter left of Chatroom! This one is pretty lighthearted to prepare for the calm before the storm

Natasha told her that burnt toast is the best way to eat. Y/n thought they were too charred to even eat but her girlfriend convinced her otherwise. She giggled while she explained how browner the perfect toast is with such conviction. It felt silly but Natasha talked so passionately about it as if someone had told her all her life she was wrong about her opinion on bread.

And Y/n realizes what she likes most about Natasha. It was silly to see the admirable trait of being passionate come through when she’s talking about bread, but Y/n is certain that she could talk about paint drying on a wall and she’d look at her with stars in her eyes. She has a passion that Y/n has never witnessed herself — a lust for life if you will. The people around her are exploring life, but there is just something so attractive about a person who has it together while not being solely tied down to their career every waking moment. It seems more meaningful than the trap of college life where you’re trying to party hard yet come out of college unscathed. Natasha has direction in her life, something that feels hard to grasp in the throes of college and preparing yourself for life beyond while in a totally new environment.

Y/n would like to feel like she has her life together someday. She never worried or thought about that until she met Natasha. Her main concern prior to this relationship was finding herself and being able to open — she feels like she has been able to do that with this relationship. However, she’s still in college where her life feels a little bit jumbled.

She is aware that right now she fits into Natasha’s life as much as a square peg fits into a round hole, but she hopes that doesn’t deter her from wanting to be with her. Aspects of their lives and personality make them incompatible, but there are so many great things that keep them bonded together. If both of them can just hold on for a little longer then things will fall into place.

“What do you want to do today?”

Natasha’s voice cuts through her thoughts and Y/n had no clue she was just staring at her as she sat across from her. She tries to play it off, hoping that she hadn’t been caught. She just looks so good in her morning attire with the scratchy voice to match.

“I don’t know…what do you have planned for us?”

“Well we could go down to the river nearby. It’s not warm enough for a swim,  but it’s still beautiful down there. Or we could go hiking. Either one sounds fine to me.”

“I wanna go hiking! I’ve never been to the dunes but Amy told me that they’re so beautiful and I gotta see it.”

“Then we’ll do that,” she tilts her head to see the clock on the stove that reads ‘11:23’, “we can head out at 1. That’ll give us plenty of time to get ready.”

Natasha gets up and walks over to Y/n’s side of the table and kisses the top of her head. In front of her was a plate of the simple breakfast she made for them. There wasn’t much to work with in the house. Natasha appreciated the effort. It was a new experience for her to wake up to noises coming from the kitchen and the smell of food in the air. It felt oddly domestic which was both comforting and frightening for her.

After last night, Natasha decided that she wasn’t going to bring up her feelings or acknowledge them for the entire trip. Y/n deserves the peace of knowing that her girlfriend does indeed like her. She feels guilty about the birthday fiasco, but Y/n acts like everything is fine so she decides it’s not worth bringing up on the trip. Y/n only acts like there isn’t an obvious problem because she’s clueless about how relationships work. Sometimes Natasha wants to be blunt with her. Y/n should be mad at her, she should want to stick up for herself and call her out. Every second that passes where she doesn’t do that Natasha feels like pushing her to do so, but she feels like that would do more harm than good. There is just no gentle way to confront reality and it sucks. She wishes she would have never been selfish in the beginning.

Natasha has to force herself to quit from thinking about exactly what she told herself to avoid. She doesn’t want to ruin this trip because of pessimism. Instead she turns her focus to packing for their hike. It’s not a hot day, but she wants to be prepared. It’s Y/n’s first time visiting the dunes and she doesn’t want it to be a bad experience. She contemplates packing one of the toys her eyes gloss over. She has a few that she hasn’t used on Y/n just yet and she’s excited to explore during this trip. However she decides not to pack one of their toys for now. She can’t promise herself  that the outing will be completely innocuous, but she’s already equipped with what she needs to get her girlfriend off. The dunes are nearby and she can’t wait for Y/n to see them. She’s sure that she’ll love it and she hopes it can give them the much needed peace deserved after the last two weeks.

-

“How close are we?”

“Less than a mile baby.”

Y/n wanted to groan but she feels like she’s complained enough already.

The forecast had lied to them and it was warmer than expected. Y/n was wearing a sweater, the one with Natasha’s alma mater on it, when they first began their journey on one of the dune trails. Now it’s tired around her waist and she’s in a sports bra. It’s a little bit too small for her and it’s very noticeable. She only wore it because she didn’t think she’d have to take her sweater off. Natasha felt childish for ogling her tits, but Y/n is her girlfriend after all and she just can’t help but to stare at what’s hers.

They’ve been walking for a good 30 minutes. Y/n was growing exhausted, but Natasha wanted to show her something. She promised her that the work it takes to make it to their destination will pay off and Y/n hopes it’s true. They pass by multiple mile markers and Y/n counts down until they finally reach the next full mile. The trail breaks off into two separate ones. Y/n is about to walk down the one on the left before Natasha stops her.

“Here.”

Natasha grabs Y/n’s hand and leads her to the trail on the right. Y/n is a bit worried that a lot more walking is ahead of them, but she sees that the trail has reached a dead end. It’s not really a scenic area so Y/n is sort of confused as to why Natasha really wanted them to come to this spot.

“We can take some time to rest here. I doubt anyone will stumble upon us — plus we get this view.”

Natasha points to the vast opening where they can see the Earth stretch out for miles and miles. They can see the other trails and so much more. Y/n has never considered herself an outdoorsy person but Natasha didn’t lie when she said this would be perfect.

After just staring at the landscape beyond her for a few minutes, she turns to Natasha and sees that she has set up a blanket on the ground for them to sit on.

“Come sit with me,” she pats the space beside her.

Y/n happily walks over and sits down. She’s grateful for Natasha packing all the stuff she did or else this would be a much more miserable time. There is even more water than she has in her water bottle and a few snacks. Y/n’s hand is reaching for the grapes and she quickly opens up the baggy before popping a few in her mouth.

“So…how do you like the view?”

“It’s perfect,” Y/n says after swallowing what was left in her mouth, “how many times have you been here?”

“Countless times. I would always come with friends, or by myself, but never with someone I’ve dated.”

The revelation makes Y/n feel special. She doesn’t make a big deal of the comment but she keeps it stored away in her mind.

“I love the city, don’t get me wrong, but this is perfect. When I get old and retire someday I want to leave the city. I don’t know if I’ll necessarily move close out here or out of state, but I want to spend the last of my days out by nature.”

“Really? I guess I haven’t thought about that far out in my life.”

“If you live more than five years in the city, then you’d get what I’m saying.”

Y/n lived in the suburbs all of her life so city life was a foreign thing to her. All of her treks to see Natasha and going into the city made her feel oddly mature. Her parents told her cities are so dangerous and filled with rude people, but she’s never encountered any of that. The city was colorful and filled with so many different people. She found Natasha to be so lucky that she could step outside her apartment and have countless options for things to do on a day off. Y/n has been looking up schools in the city for that very reason. She almost considered transferring in the middle of her undergraduate years, but it’s just easier to wait until she graduates. She hasn’t said anything to Natasha about it because she’s unsure of how she’ll react. Would her close presence be unwanted? It’s hard to find the answer, especially after the last two weeks.

“I can tell when you’re thinking,” Natasha teases her. She leans back and props herself up on her elbows, “it’s written all over your face whenever you’re thinking too much.”

“Is it that obvious?” Y/n giggles as she lays down next to Natasha.

An arm wraps around her shoulder and draws her in closer. Everything feels perfect — almost like it did in the beginning. Y/n forgets about the problems of the last two week, in fact she thinks about any and all of the problems they’ve had. It all feels so small and asinine now. Y/n loves Natasha so much that she’s willing to look past the petty stuff. It’s finally set in that she’s in love with her girlfriend and now it’s time to move through life together. Y/n wants to know so much more about Natasha. She feels like she’s always talking about her life and her past, but barely knows about Natasha besides the small tidbits from casual conversation.

“Did you like doing this kind of stuff when you were a kid?” Y/n asks, breaking the silence.

“Sometimes. My parents would take me camping. It was one of the few times I felt like I was able to be a kid. I used to get made fun of by my classmates that I didn’t know how to skip rocks, but I learned how to on my very first camping trip. It’s so stupid, but stuff like that really makes you feel alienated when you’re a kid who doesn’t know better.”

Y/n could relate so much to Natasha’s upbringing so she wonders why she doesn’t open up about it much. It could be hard for her to do, but Y/n understands what she went through.

“That was me but with crayons. My parents wouldn’t give me the big 48 pack of crayons while everyone else had them. They thought it would make me ‘spoiled’ and turn into a brat. In hindsight it’s was such a small thing to be upset about but I was in 1st grade and it felt like the end of the world for me.”

“Most of it was small silly stuff, but that denial of small things snowballs into bigger things,” Natasha inhales deeply, “let’s change the subject. We’re out here and it’s so beautiful, let’s not ruin that.”

Y/n nods her head. She doesn’t believe that opening up is going to “ruin” their time out here, in fact she thinks it’ll bring them closer, but she doesn’t protest. Besides, she has no choice but to not talk about it when Natasha kisses her.

It was mostly to placate her. She doesn’t want Y/n to think she’s trying to shut her down, but now is just not the time to talk about those things. She feels Y/n melting underneath her and she feels like her mission has been accomplished.

“You’re so pretty,” Natasha says between kisses. Y/n hums into the kiss and arches her back to press her body closer to Natasha. Y/n hoped that this spot is as secluded as Natasha said because it would be embarrassing to be caught like this.

Natasha’s hands rested idly on her sides before she began to tug at her leggings. The action was making Y/n wet because she knows exactly what Natasha wants. She wants her too and the thrill of doing something so private out here makes her feel delirious with lust. Natasha places her head in her neck and begins to suck on her skin. Y/n sighs and whimpers when Natasha nips at the most sensitive parts of her skin.

A hand snakes between them and Natasha applies pressure to Y/n’s clit through her leggings. Those little gasps and sighs of pleasure are heavenly to her. She’s obsessed with getting Y/n off so much that it makes her impatient. She’s eagerly tugging at her leggings while still kissing her neck.

“Natasha,” Y/n whimpers. Everything was happening so fast and she couldn’t stop it. But she didn’t want it to stop. This is Natasha’s way of showing her love. It becomes increasingly obvious that it’s not easy for Natasha to open up, but she shows it physically and that’s enough for Y/n.

Natasha pulls away from her neck and sits up on her knees. She removes her own t-shirt to reveal her sports bra. She grabs Y/n’s bra before Y/n is taking it off herself. The warm air hits her tits and instantly hardens her nipples. Y/n groans as she feels them pebbling. Natasha grabs the sweater around her waist and Y/n assumes she’s going to discard it somewhere but she instead places it over her head.

“I want you to wear it,” Natasha declares. Seeing Y/n in her clothes turns her on so much. It’s a little too warm to be wearing it, and their activities are going to heat her up even more, but Natasha is too selfish right now.

Y/n puts it on and it covers her up but it doesn’t deter Natasha from reaching underneath her shirt and squeezing her tits. Y/n’s sighs get a little bit louder, especially when Natasha’s fingers swipe across her hard nipples.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Y/n nods her head while biting down on her bottom lip.

Natasha gets Y/n’s leggings off leaving her in just her underwear. Natasha is still partially clothed, but Y/n begins to tug at her sweat pants.

“You’re just so eager,” Natasha teases her for being hasty just like she is. It’s all lighthearted because once Natasha gets Y/n’s panties off she’s not going to be able to control herself.

“I don’t want to be the only one naked,” Y/n says with a pout.

Natasha gives her what she wants and takes her sweatpants off, but she quickly turns the attention back to Y/n. She hooks her fingers in the elastic and pulls her underwear off. Now she’s left in nothing but Natasha’s college sweater. Her hair is a bit disheveled from their fumbling on the blanket. She looks so hot like this, but Natasha wants to make her look even more of a mess. She’s possessive and likes to be reminded that she’s the only one who does this to Y/n.

Y/n felt slightly vulnerable being exposed like this, but she feels safe with Natasha. Natasha grabs her hips and pulls her across the blanket. Y/n gasps at the sudden movement and those gasps turn to whimpers of pleasure when Natasha dips two fingers into her pussy.

“Oh my god,” she whines.

She’s reminded of what they did just the day before when Natasha pushes her fingers in deeper. Y/n is so wet, soaking every inch of her digits as she slowly pulls them in and out. Y/n is too embarrassed to look at herself getting finger fucked, but Natasha can’t pull her eyes away. Her pussy is so deliciously warm and wet. Her slow pace is damn near tortuous but Natasha is having so much fun hearing Y/n whine and whimper like a bitch in heat.

“Your pussy is so tight. No matter how many times I stretch you out, your pussy is always wrapped so snugly around my fingers.”

Y/n’s body is heating up and it’s not just because of the outside temperature. Natasha’s fingers are somehow too much and not enough at the same time. She is constantly on a rollercoaster of emotions with Natasha’s but the highs are so high.

“Natasha,” Y/n whines again. It’s like that’s the only thing she can say because that is the only thing that matters.

The call of her name makes Natasha move her fingers in and out of her faster. She watches and hears the lewd sound of her fingers splashing in her wetness. Y/n’s pussy is already creaming around her fingers and it really hasn’t been that long. She just loves how responsive and needy Y/n gets.

As much as it’s fun to turn her into an impatient mess, Natasha is becoming one herself. She pulls her finger out of Y/n’s pussy and they’re covered in her slick. She sits back so she can take her own pants off and her panties follow suit.

“W-What are you doing?”

This was something new for Y/n. Natasha straddled her and placed her legs around her legs to make them fit like a puzzle piece. She was rendered speechless when Natasha placed her pussy on top of hers. She was wet and sticky. Their arousals mix together as Natasha begins to swirl her hips so their clits can roll over each other. She grabs onto Y/n’s leg tightly for leverage. Y/n has no clue what they’re doing but it feels so good.

“Nothing feels better than your pussy on mine,” Natasha confesses as her voice cracks. She feels like she’s in heaven now. “So fucking wet for me.”

Y/n was just laying there while Natasha did most of the work. She was so overwhelmed but Natasha was so much more composed than her. Y/n felt herself getting closer and closer every time Natasha moved her hips. She ground herself harder against Y/n’s pussy, chasing her high as much as she was concerned with making Y/n cum.

“Pussy is so sweet baby,” Natasha’s voice is now whiny which matches Y/n’s.

Her fast thrust makes Y/n’s tits juggle underneath the sweater. Natasha nearly cums at the sight of those pretty tits jiggling under hersweater, her alma mater sewed proudly into the soft fabric. She’s never felt so much pride in claiming someone as ‘hers’. It’s been a long time since she could say that. Flashes of regret hit her as she wishes she would have showed Y/n off at her birthday party. There are many things she could have done better, but Natasha can’t fix it now. Sometimes it feels futile to do so.

“I’m gonna cum Natasha!”

Y/n’s voice pulls her out of the daze. It was easy to get lost in contemplation when her hips were moving absentmindedly for her. But Y/n always somehow pulls Natasha into the reality where everything is fine. That clashes with the only reality that exists, but she can pretend until it becomes her reality because that’s all she wants.

“Cum for me baby,” Natasha leans down so her face was inches away from Y/n’s face, but her pussy is still on Y/n’s, grinding feverishly. “I want to feel you cum against me baby. You’re so goddamn wet.”

Y/n kisses Natasha with all the energy she has left in her. It’s going to be so hard to trek back down that trail, but that’s the bridge she’ll cross when she gets to it. She’s lost in the moment and the sweetness of her girlfriend’s lips against hers. Their kiss is so soft and delicate compared to the rough and fast movements of their hips. Y/n cums first, moaning against Natasha’s lips which sends a vibration throughout her body.

The feeling of Y/n’s pussy gushing against hers triggers Natasha orgasms. She’s the one who pulls away from the kiss so she can let out a strangled moan. She still grinds even as she grows sensitive. It’s Y/n who is the one who stops them, her hands gripping Natasha’s hips to bring her to a halt.

Natasha stops moving, but she rolls Y/n around so she’s on top. Her lips are back on hers and she never wants them to part. She kisses her feverishly, her tongue sliding into her mouth. It’s so lascivious that it makes the shy girl in Y/n all bashful. But the person on the outside is kissing back with so much passion. She’s come such a long way and her being able to be comfortable with her sexuality is a big step for her.

They could go forever, and it almost seems like they’re going to until a rock falls and makes both of them jump. Y/n yelps and Natasha looks in the direction of the fallen rock. When they realized it was just a rock and not a person, they relaxed. Y/n laughs at herself for getting all scared and yelping like that. Natasha joins her before she kisses her exposed collar bone.

“Was that good?” She asks against her skin.

“So good. It’s always so good with you.”

Hearing that makes Natasha’s heart pump faster and she feels up with warmth. She’s a grown woman but she feels like a teenager in love. It’s scary that someone so young is able to make her feel like this.

That mere thought makes her become hesitant again. She pulls her lips away from Y/n’s collarbone but she does it in a way that isn’t sudden and won’t worry Y/n. Her girlfriend has a big, satisfied smile on her face.

“I love being out here with you. I love this trip so far.”

Y/n was fawning over the trip, and what they just did, but what she really wanted to say was that she loved Natasha. She just feels like it’s too soon when considering their relationship. If they lived nearby and were able to function like a regular couple then she would have no problem saying it. It’s been a little over a year of them being together, how could Y/n not love Natasha?

Natasha has strong feelings for Y/n too, but it takes her much more to say 'I love you’. She’s only said it to one girlfriend and she truly meant it then. She still has love for that girlfriend, but she’s not inlove with her. She isn’t in love with anyone, but Y/n brings her good feelings that she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Her growing love for Y/n makes her believe that what Y/n wants is the opposite that she needs.

But, that is a problem for another day.

They’re on a trip together, enjoying the beautiful view of the dunes and the surrounding nature. Nothing else matters. Whatever problems arise in the future will be addressed then. For now they just have each other and the silence that falls between them. That’s all they needed — a moment of stillness in the quiet chaos of their relationship.