Content:mentions of a past toxic relationship, angsts, mentions of death.
A/N: Wanted to post this last week but I got caught up with some personal stuff so I ran a bit behind on all my fics. But, I hope you enjoy!
MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.
Y/n wanted to look pretty.
She felt like a girl getting ready for prom, obsessing over how she looked in the mirror and if she accomplished her goal of looking pretty enough. Later that night at the hotel after running into Natasha, she realized she had nothing appropriate to wear to dinner. She was not expecting this to happen to her as it all occurred on her firstday back in this city. She didn’t want to show up in something shoddy, so she grabbed Kennedy from the daycare center and the two went downtown for Y/n to find something. The price tag on the dress she settled on is going to be felt next month when she’s budgeting, but she doesn’t pay it any mind. She feels like it’s worth it and maybe in the future she will feel like she was stupid for buying that dress and going through with the dinner, but not right now. She had been thinking about how tonight will play out for the past 4 days. This is either her revenge or the funeral for her 20 year old self.
“You look pretty,” Kennedy praises as she turns away from her stuffed giraffe for one second.
“Thank you,” Y/n huffs as she straightens her dress out. She was so nervous that even the little girl could feel it, but she interrupted much differently.
“Why do you have to get so dressed up? Where are we going?”
“We’re going to see my friend.”
“Is it that lady from the frog store? She was kind of weird, she kept looking at me funny.”
“She’s not weird. She’s just an old friend of mine and was surprised to see you with me.”
“But, if she’s your friend why would she be surprised to see me with you?”
“Because she’s an oldfriend, Kennedy. I haven’t seen her in years,” Y/n finally stops looking at herself in the mirror so she can turn to face the five year old, “go put your shoes on and then we’ll be ready to go. And don’t forget your socks; it’s warm now but it’s going to get much cooler tonight.”
Kennedy sighed in annoyance which made Y/n laugh in disbelief. Sometimes she feels like she’s raising a teenager. Kennedy is a smart and normally a good kid, but she is the opposite of Y/n as a young girl. She’s not timid or overtly obedient, she’s one of those kids who doesn’t have a filter and it doesn’t help that she’s too young to read the room. Y/n purposely didn’t tell her much about Natasha because she knows the little girl will snitch on her somehow. But, she did feel a bit guilty about not telling Kennedy more while they’re in a big city together for the first time. Although Y/n has her personalproblems with Natasha, she knows that her ex-girlfriend would never everdo anything that would lead Kennedy to harm. Y/n trusts Natasha with a small child, just not her heart.
Y/n takes one last glance at herself in the mirror, admiring the gold earrings she found in the discounted section of one of the stores and how the black dress she found just fits her perfectly. She was dressed more for going out to one of those nice restaurants like Agwi or that one with the statue outside that scared Kennedy. She was dressed up as if she was going out on a date, but she can’t admit that to herself, at least not right now.
“You ready?”
Kennedy gives her a nod, her little backpack hanging off of her shoulder, and Y/n takes her hand and holds onto it tight.
She’s so damn nervous that she feels like she’s going to throw up. Kennedy talked the entire drive over to the new address Natasha gave Y/n. Y/n tried to engage with her to take her mind off of the butterflies bumping intensely in her stomach but it was hard for her to find anything to say besides “oh” and “hmm.”
Y/n noticed that her GPS was taking her to the area of the city with the more expensive apartments. She felt like an imposter just driving through the streets of this district. Natasha’s last apartment was probably pricey simply due to location but there was nothing super fancy about. Stark Industries has to pay someone with a position like Natasha well, but it was just so surprising for Y/n to be coming around these parts to visit Natasha. Just because Natasha had a nice job and rubbed elbows with upper-class entrepreneurs and Silicon Valley tech workers doesn’t mean she was like them. Or at least that’s what Y/n thought. She doesn’t really know anymore (and she isn’t sure if she everknew), but she isn’t going to judge her. Y/n’s sure that once she moves up the ranks in her job she’s going to buy something better than the small 2 bedroom apartment she has back at home.
‘You have arrived at your destination’
The robotic voice sounds out throughout the car and it makes Y/n’s stomach churn. She’s so damn nervous that she almost misses the entrance to the apartment’s parking garage. There was a limited parking area for guests just like Natasha said. All the spots were nearly filled but Y/n managed to find one.
Natasha lived on the 5th floor. It was a pretty tall building but it had many floors because the apartments on each floor were huge (that’s what she discovered when she went snooping online when she was deathly curious about where Natasha lived now).
“You have to be on your bestbehavior, okay?” Y/n bent down to be at Kennedy’s level, balanced on the slight elevation from the boots she decided to wear. “You’re normally very good for me, but I just want to remind you to keep your hands to yourself and not touch everything that interests you, okay?”
“Okay,” Kennedy nods her head as her voice is filled with annoyance. Y/n always gives her this lecture when they go somewhere important and she’s tired of hearing it. As long as she has her entertainment in the form of her giraffe and her child-proof tablet then she’ll be fine.
“Okay, let’s go.”
It was intimidating walking through the garage and seeing all the nice cars parked in their assigned spots; not even the staff parking lot at the college was filled with this many newer car models. The building itself was secured and Y/n had to walk through a long hallway that only led to the lobby. She wasn’t surprised to see a receptionist at the desk separating him from visitors. She felt like she was in a hotel again, but this is just one of the amenities the stupidly rich have.
“Hi, I’m here to see someone on floor five,” her voice slightly shakes. The man doesn’t even look at her which makes her feel a bit small, like she’s not relevant at all.
“Apartment number?”
“Uhh, I’m not sure. I’m here to see Natasha Romanoff?”
“Sorry, I need an apartment number.”
Y/n furrowed her brow in confusion. This is one of those buildings that don’t want to confirmany of their residents that live there for the sake of anonymity but Y/n felt like the whole process was ridiculous. She had to dig her phone out of her purse and text Natasha to give her the apartment number. It took her a little bit to receive a text back with 'E53’.
“The apartment number is E53.” The man seems slightly annoyed at Y/n’s interjection but she doesn’t care. She just wants to be at Natasha’s door already because at least she’ll feel a smudge more comfortable around someone she knows.
“Okay, you have access to the elevator.”
It was such a weird process for something so simple, but Y/n didn’t protest and soon enough her and Kennedy were riding up the elevator to Natasha’s floor. Kennedy held onto her hand tight at the quick ascension. Y/n looked down at her to make sure she was okay. It may not be the most correct thing to do, but Y/n knows if she somehow needs to make an escape from an awkward conversation or Natasha tonight then she can use Kennedy being “tired” as an excuse to get out of there.
The elevator dinged and Y/n’s heart dropped. She was realizing that this is veryreal and she’s stupidly agreed to this. Just because she’s older now doesn’t mean she wasn’t going to fold at the mere sight of her ex-girlfriend’s face. She’s desperate for this to go her way so she doesn’t leave her with egg on her face.
She stops right at apartment E53, but she hesitates to knock. She lets go of Kennedy’s hand and adjusts her hair to make sure it looks good. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh which makes the five-year-old look up at her like she’s crazy. Finally she knocks on the door and she’s never been so nervous in her life; Y/n wishes she was in Kennedy’s position, just oblivious to everything that’s going on.
“Just a minute!” A muffled voice calls from the other side of the door. Y/n nods her head as if Natasha can see her. She hears the shuffling of feet getting closer to the door until it opens up. The second that door cracks open Y/n feels like she’s too dressed up. She can’t ignore how Natasha’s eyes travel up and down her body with an expression she can’t read. “Wow, you look great,” the redhead croons.
“Thank you. So do you.”
Natasha looked like she was still wearing her work clothes which made Y/n feel young again for being the only person to put so much into something. It was fitting for the occasion, something she would laugh about because of the irony if she wasn’t the person in the situation.
“You two can come on in,” Natasha steps out of the way to make room for Y/n and her…not-daughter to step into her apartment. She wanted to catch up with Y/n in general but she had so many questions about the little girl holding her hand. She doesn’t resemble Y/n at all so they’re not sisters, besides Y/n would’ve just said that on the phone. She fully understands if Y/n is hesitant to tell her why she’s taking care of a whole human, but she might die if she doesn’t find out somehow.
“It’s really…spacious here.”
Y/n remembers Natasha’s old apartment as if the last time she stepped inside was yesterday. If Natasha still stayed at that apartment she thinks it would’ve made her more hesitant to accept this invite. It wasn’t a bad apartment, quite the opposite. It was way smaller than her new apartment but that’s what gave it that quaint, cozy feeling. There were books haphazardly stacked and placed on a bookshelf while papers were always somewhere on the floor. Natasha’s old apartment was the apartment of someone who was too busy to get their life together, and that should’ve been a sign for Y/n. Still, she was very fond of that apartment although the thought of it was too painful at times. Even after the years began to grow longer and longer, she remembered the instant warmth she felt the first time she went there, that first day she met Natasha in person. It was a stupid pipe dream to think that that would be theirapartment someday, but she used to fantasize about it a lot when they were dating.
“Dinners’ almost done. You two can sit in the living room and wait while I set up the dining table, okay?’” Natasha’s voice snapped Y/n out of her daze.
“Okay.”
They awkwardly parted and Y/n guided Kennedy to the couch. It looked very expensive just like everything else in here. The walls were decorated with paintings and there were vases placed on end tables. Y/n never took Natasha to be the one who decorated her home in such a nice and neat fashion. Sure there were posters on the wall of her old apartment, but that doesn’t compare to paintings.
Natasha was mentally berating herself the entire time while in the kitchen. She worried about not making Y/n feel comfortable enough or not really acknowledging Kennedy enough. She didn’t regret asking Y/n to come over for dinner, but she wishes she would’ve sorted her thoughts out first before ever making an offer like this. It would be a lie to say she hasn’t thought about Y/n in these last seven years, but she knows what type of girl Y/n is (or at least what type of girl she was), and she can bet that Y/n thought about everything ten times more than Natasha did. She felt a bit guilty thinking about Y/n losing sleep over their failed relationship, but Natasha has mastered the art of distracting herself from her personal life using work. So many things have happened in her career that it would be impossible to sit down and tell Y/n everything within these next two hours. She doesn’t want to anyway, she wants to focus on Y/n.
“Dinner’s ready!”
Y/n grabs Kennedy’s ipad and stuffs it back into her little book bag.
“Can I bring Raffie?”
Y/n looked at the look on her face and then to how tight she was holding the stuffed animal. She seemed a bit stressed due to the new location, but it was also because she didn’t see Y/n react warmly to the redheaded woman so she doesn’t know if she can trust her either.
“Sure,” Y/n says, sympathy painting her voice and her eyes. She felt bad for dragging Kennedy along but the university’s daycare closes around this time, so she had no other options.
Natasha is just finishing adding the dishes to the table when Y/n and Kennedy walk in. Her eyes light up when she sees them and she urges them to take a seat. It’s not a big dining table so there aren’t many options, but Y/n did notwant to sit next to Natasha. Instead she sat across from her with Kennedy taking the seat to her right, her stuffed giraffe sitting on the extra space of her chair.
“I didn’t know if the table would be too tall for her, so I bought a booster seat if she needed one.”
“Natasha, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to do that. It’s the least I can do.”
“I think she’s fine,” Y/n turns her attention from Natasha to the girl, “you okay, Kennedy?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Natasha wasn’t super fond of kids as she hadn’t really been around them, but Kennedy was adorable. She knows she’s not Y/n’s daughter or anything like that, but it’s still very surreal to see them together. Natasha can tell by the way Y/n’s eyes linger on her that she’s very protective of her and they must have some sort of bond that mimics a mother-daughter relationship, or at least the relationship of two sisters.
“I made spaghetti. I made other stuff, but I figured spaghetti would be a good option because I heard young kids can be picky — I was at that age.”
“Spaghetti is perfect. Kennedy likes it a lot.” Kennedy nods her head in agreement with Y/n’s words. She was nervous about this stranger, but that began to dissipate when she learned she would be eating spaghetti.
Watching Y/n fix her plate and remind Kennedy not to make a mess was interesting to say the least. She sounded like such a mother Natasha was still unable to grasp the entire situation, including that Y/n is here in her apartment, right in front of her, right now. Y/n’s slight nagging reminded Natasha of her mother, but a much nicer, softer version. She only wanted the best for Kennedy and wasn’t going to make her feel dumb when talking to her.
“So,” Natasha interjects while fixing her own plate, “is the city like you remembered?
"Pretty much…I mean nothing has really changed, but I also hadn’t explored the city much in the first place.”
“That’s true. We didn’t go thatmany places. Which hotel are you at?”
“The Echo, it’s more towards the outside of the city.”
“I’ve heard of it before. Very fancy.”
“Yeah I’m surprised my job put up the money for me honestly.”
“Mmm,” Natasha hums.
This dinner is more awkward than she wanted it to be. She suspects it’s because there is an elephant in the form of a five year old in the room that severely limits Natasha.
“So, are you in preschool, Kennedy?” Natasha’s voice is stiff as she asks the child a question. She has had conversations with very powerful people but no one makes her quite as nervous as children. She just doesn’t know what to say to them or how to talk to them because she’s not a child.
“I’m in kindergarten,” she answers, mouth full of spaghetti.
“Chew and swallow your food before speaking, okay? It’s rude to talk with a mouth full of food.”
“Okay, Y/n.”
It was surreal to see Y/n in this motherly role, but from how Kennedy talked to her it was obvious that they didn’t have an explicit mother and daughter relationship. They acted more like sisters which made Natasha nearly desperate to know what the full backstory of this is. Y/n tries to speak to Kennedy in a stern voice but it always comes off as soft and gentle. Her words sounded more like suggestions than concrete rules for life.
“Sorry,” Kennedy apologized to Natasha who really did not mind that a kid was being a kid, “I’m in kindergarten!”
If this was any other child Natasha would probably not be too fond of them, but this little girl seems to mean a lot to Y/n. She can see it in the way she looks at her. She can also see the insecurity in Y/n’s eyes which she guesses is in regards to being a parental figure.
“What’s kindergarten like?”
“I don’t know…it’s easy. I like coloring and playing with my friend,” she explains to which Natasha nods.
Kennedy is very different from both Natasha and Y/n as children. She has that sense of freedom the two of them never felt at that age. Y/n was notgoing to raise this girl like her mother did her; it wouldn’t be fair to neuter a young girl’s potential before she even knows what that word means.
Kennedy had finished dinner faster than the two adults which resulted in a tummy ache.
“I told you about eating too quickly, Ken,” Y/n softly chides her as Kennedy starts to cry crocodile tears.
“I’m sorry…can I lay down?”
Y/n suspected that she was tired and that’s why she’s making a bit of a fuss. She had a long day playing at the daycare and now she’s worn out. Y/n looks to Natasha before she can answer the question.
“She can go lay down on the couch. I’ll grab a blanket for her.”
Y/n nods before pushing herself out of the seat and picking Kennedy up. She carries her to the living room where Natasha is there grabbing a blanket for one of the closets’. She lays Kennedy on the couch and grabs the blanket from Natasha who stands closer to her. It’s one of the softest blankets Y/n has ever felt as she unfolds it and lays it over Kennedy.
“If you need me just call my name, okay?” She reminds her as she tucks her in like they do at home.
“Alright,” Kennedy says through a yawn. From the look of it, she’ll be out in a minute or two.
Y/n stands up and watches over her for a few seconds. She stares at her to make sure she doesn’t magically disappear before she’s comfortable enough to leave the girl alone to fall asleep.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt dinner,” she apologizes after turning to Natasha.
“It’s okay. We can finish up.”
Now they were alone; the adults in the room. Natasha could finally talk candidly without worrying about her language around a child.
“Is it easy?”
“Is what easy?”
“Being a…parent? I don’t know what to call you,” she admits truthfully, “but you’re clearly her guardian and she’s very fond of you.”
“You should see her when I’m trying to make her turn off PJ Masks so she can go to bed,” Y/n quips.
“But she definitely listens to you and respects you. She seems like a good kid.”
“She is. No child is "easy” to raise per say, but I am glad that Kennedy makes things a little bit easier.“
Natasha was beating around the bush, trying her best to avoid the real question that has been plaguing her mind. But she wants Y/n to feel comfortable enough to tell her. Prying it out of her would be too scummy in her opinion.
"Have you been seeing anyone?” Natasha pivots the conversation with the other bold question she wanted to ask.
“I don’t have time. Between work and Kennedy, I barely get enough time to myself, yet alone time to date. There is this guy at my work who flirts with me but he reminds me of my father — huge turn off.”
It’s true that Y/n is too busy to date, but she could make time if she really wanted to. She’s just too jaded right now to date. She’s always had the fear that anyone she dated would move on from her because she didn’t fit into their lives. Even when it was someone who lived a similar life to her, she just felt like she was a bit too odd to fit into someone’s life. Then Kennedy came along and she was afraid of the stigma of dating as a single “mother.” She’s not going to talk about the circumstances surrounding her and Kennedy all willy-nilly so many of potential suitors have written her off when they found out about the little girl.
“I haven’t gotten out much either. The con of being a career woman.”
Y/n wasn’t sure if that was supposed to reassure her or not. She doesn’t care to know about Natasha’s dating history after their relationship because she knows it will set off some jealousy inside of her. But she can’t help but compare herself to the hypothetical partners in her head.
“I’m sure we’ll both find the time to date someone someday.”
“Maybe…it might take a little longer for me since my career quite isn’t where I want it like yours is. I have a ways to go. And I rather focus my extra energy on raising Kennedy. She needs me.”
“I have to ask,” Natasha couldn’t hold it in any longer, “what is Kennedy to you? Is she your sister?”
“Oh, hell no. My parents stopped touching each other when I was like 12. I don’t even think they like each other anymore. Kennedy isn’t mine and I’m not related to her by blood. It’s just…do you ever have a story that is too complicated to tell? One that has too many side stories and footnotes that tie all together to make the story make complete sense?”
“That’s it every story I have from college,” Natasha jokes.
“Well this is mine.”
“If you don’t mind, you can indulge me. I don’t mean to offend, but you were never really one to have a lot of friends so I worry you may have not had anyone to talk about all of…that.”
“It doesn’t offend me because you’re right. It was never easy for me to make friends and that hasn’t changed. I do talk to a few coworkers so I’m not alone. Sometimes it’s better to just keep things to myself.”
“But, you don’t have to with me.”
Y/n knows that, but what’s the point? She’s only here for a week-and-a-half, and she isn’t even sure what she wants from Natasha. She accepted this dinner for a reason but now she’s backing out.
“If you don’t trust me, I understand. You have the right not to-”
“It’s not about trust. I trust you with the story. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to shoulder the burden of it.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
'The least I can do’
That was becoming the tone of this trip. Y/n noticed Natasha say that to her more than once. It was her way of atoning, hoping that all those small gestures could make up for what she had done. Neither of them are naïve enough to think forgiveness works that way. One dinner and one talk isn’t going to give Y/n what she wants, and neither is it going to make Natasha feel less guilty. Both of them are scarred from this and it’s time to either patch up the wound or rip it open again.
“Amy and I became really close,” Y/n begins, “it was random and came out of nowhere. Cindy kind of…she kind of faded out of the picture but it wasn’t by any of our choices. Amy and I moved in together after graduating and Cindy went to grad school across the country. Amy got in a relationship with this really awful guy. Long story short he knocked her up and left her. We were practically raising Kennedy together,” she pauses for what feels like a minute but is only a few seconds, “then she got in a really bad car crash. I don’t want to go into the details of it. I had to fight really hard to get custody of Kennedy — I was so lost and clueless while doing it, but she had no one else but me. Amy’s grandmother died a year after she was born and she really has no other family besides an estranged older brother. They wanted to put Kennedy in foster care, but she knew me and loved me, I couldn’t let her go.”
Natasha inhaled sharply at the story. She didn’t think it would have taken a turn like that. She feels awful for Y/n; awful that she was probably alone in the process too, it makes her guilt grow even larger.
“I wish I would’ve reached out.”
“It’s okay, Nat. You didn’t know and no one expected this to happen. Neither of them can change the past, but I’m just glad that everything is okay now. Kennedy doesn’t really remember much about her mother, but I like to remind her everyday. Amy really loved her and it’s unfair they were separated like that. I could never replace the spot of a mother, but I will try my best.”
“I can tell you’re doing a great job, Y/n.”
“Now it’s my turn to ask a personal question…Natasha, why did you invite me here? Are you trying to say sorry without saying it? I don’t want to dwell on the past…” It was such a lie because that’s all Y/n has been doing for these last few years, but she doesn’t want to admit that in fear of looking pathetic. Natasha may not have been in any long-term, serious relationships since the two of them broke-up, but she’s sure Natasha has had someone in her life since.
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I do feel bad. What I did wasn’t right. I don’t want you to think I regret our relationship, but I do hold most of the blame because I don’t think I should’ve progressed it any further. You were young and only in college while I was reaching some of the heights of my career.”
“But, it was my choice,” Y/n says hastily, “I made the choice to be in the relationship too, not just you.”
“I’m aware, your consent was always important to me, but did I ever make you feel like you were pushed to be with me?” Natasha asked that for the sake of herself. She can be domineering at work but sometimes it spills into her personal life. The last thing she wants to be is the person who forces relationships (romantic, platonic, professional, whatever) onto people.
“No. I wanted to be with you and I enjoyed it. It wasn’t always easy but I just figured that it was because of my first relationship. Plus relationships are not easy in general and heartbreak is inevitable.”
It is, but Natasha certainly could’ve gone about the break-up in a better way since she was the older party. But, she doesn’t admit that out loud.
“Do you think we were a good match?” Y/n asks.
“You want my honest answer?”
“Of course,” no matter how painful it might be, Y/n needed to hear the truth so she could maybe start the process of getting over this.
“It was just the right person, wrong time.”
Y/n never noticed the small things like the hesitation and vague answers before, but now it’s glaringly obvious and it’s almost upsetting.
“Ugh, don’t say that. I don’t like stuff like that. It was either we were a good match or not.”
“Things are more complicated than that, Y/n.”
“Oh, spare me that,” she responds with a bit of anger. She didn’t mean to let her emotions get the best of her but she has wanted to say something for years and now she’s sitting directly across from the person she needed to get these things off of her chest to. “I know things are complicated, but sometimes there are clear distinctions of right and wrong. I’m not a little girl anymore, and I know that some of the stuff you did to me back then was fucked up.” Y/n’s anger begins to bubble but she keeps her voice low so Kennedy doesn’t wake up to her saying “no-no” words.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I told you I regret a lot of things, including even starting the relationship. When I realized that maybe a relationship wasn’t what you needed, I should’ve been more careful.”
It was hard for Y/n to getwhat Natasha was saying. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean she has grown all that wiser. She just felt like Natasha was being cruel with her power because she simply could. Y/n couldn’t bring herself to regret their relationship (even the arguments they had), but she did mull over what maybe she could’ve done differently to change the outcome.
“I guess,” Y/n says defiantly. She wasn’t going to see eye to eye with Natasha tonight, and maybe not ever.
“Regardless, I don’t think you should give up on love because of what happened between us. I’m sure you can easily find somebody.”
“Well, the same goes to you.”
“I’m pushing 40 Y/n, I’m old,” Natasha jokes. She always had this air around her that she was too bothered to be in a relationship and now that she’s older she wonders if it’s even worth it.
“40 isn’t old, Nat.
"Maybe old isn’t the right word, but I’m definitely…definitely settled into my ways.”
Y/n hums; she couldn’t disagree with that.
It was later than Y/n expected. She was grateful for having to go in later for work tomorrow since it’s a Friday.“
"We should be heading out. I don’t want to keep Kennedy out too late.”
Natasha almost forgot about the little girl since she was so quiet in the living room. “Of course,” she responds before standing up from the table. Their dinners were partially eaten, a sign that their conversation swept them up more than the food.
Kennedy was sound asleep on the couch and Y/n was hesitant to wake her up, but she had no choice. “C'mon Ken, we gotta go.” Y/n was met with groans from the fussy five-year-old. She knew she was going to have to carry her all the way back to the car.
“Do you need any help? I can walk you both to the car.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” she answers as she throws Kennedy’s book bag on the same shoulder as her purse. “She looks heavy but you develop a super strength when you have to carry a sleeping child,” Y/n jokes.
With a half-sleep Kennedy in tow, Y/n lets Natasha open the front door for her.
“Thank you for dinner. It was nice to eat something other than fast food and college cafeteria food.”
“No problem. I hope you enjoyed it — and I hope our talk wasn’t too much.”
“It was fine.”
The two kind of linger for a bit, the air around them becomes stiffly awkward again. Was this goodbye-goodbye or just a 'see you later’?
“Have a good night, Nat.”
Y/n begins to walk down the hall before Natasha can respond. She pokes her head out the door to watch the two and make sure they make it to the elevator. Natasha wanted Y/n to look back at her, maybe give her a little wave or something, but Y/n kept looking forward.
Summary:Y/n is back in the city, a place she never thought she would be. A heavy cloud hangs over her until it produces a heavy storm.
Content:mentions of a past toxic relationship, slight angst.
A/N: I hate to call this a starter chapter because it makes it seem like it’s not important, but this chapter is just to get us started. I hope you all enjoy the sequel! It won’t be as long but it will tie up all the loose ends!
MINORS, AGELESS BLOGS, AND BLANK BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.
“If you keep dragging your feet we’re going to miss the shuttle!”
“I don’t like it here, it smells,” the five year old groans, tugging hard on Y/n’s hand. The plane ride was fairly easy but the young girl had gotten so restless and has been complaining ever since they landed. Y/n did her best to keep her at bay, but it’s hard to explain to a child why they have to keep walking when they’re so tired. Y/n had to carry both of their carry-on bags while rolling her suitcase in her free hand so couldn’t pick her up even though that’s what she wanted.
“I know Kennedy, but we have to keep going, c'mon.”
She held onto her hand tightly as their suitcases rolled against the pavement. She feels a little bit bad about dragging the little girl along as they exit the airport, but it’s either that or having to wait another 30 minutes for a shuttle to the rental car pick-up building. Y/n had developed the skill of tuning Kennedy out when she really needed to; she can deal with feeling guilty just for a little bit.
She’s only able to feel relief when they make it to the shuttle at the right time. The small bus is fairly crowded already but there is one open seat on the left. Y/n helps Kennedy up the stairs and ushers her to the seat. A few eyes gloss over the two before reverting back to wherever they were looking before. Y/n feels so awkward and out of place even though she has no reason to be. It’s been years since she’s had to deal with the busy process of the airport and it’s her first time with Kennedy. She stands close to her, worried that somehow if she takes her eyes off of her for even a second that the girl would disappear. Y/n’s mother offered to come with them, but Y/n politely declined her offer. It was hard enough to answer her phone call in the first place; she just isn’t ready to talk to her yet let alone be around her.
The cracked windows of the bus allow a breeze of tepid air to flow in and out. Y/n is grateful that she got to come to the city now when it’s Spring, almost Summer, time. It’s lovely in the winter, but she doesn’t think she would be able to handle the snow and the cold while alone with a five-year-old Kennedy. She hasn’t seen snow yet, but maybe when she’s older they’ll come back together so she can see just how pretty a city looks when it’s covered in a light dust of snow.
“I’m hungry.”
“Shh, I know you are. I promise when we get the car and then we’ll stop and get some food, okay?”
The plan seemed to placate the little girl who was playing with the straps of her little book bag. They had run out of snacks half-way through the plane ride and Y/n was worried about a meltdown happening but Kennedy just sat with a pout on her face and her arms crossed instead of making a big fuss. Y/n took her silent anger as a win as long as she wasn’t crying on the plane.
They come to a stop and a few people file out before Y/n and Kennedy can leave. Some man grabs Y/n’s suitcase for her to give her a helping hand. He gives her a sympathetic look, one that she is used to and has learned to stop taking the wrong way. She’s just glad to have made it this far even though their journey isn’t necessarily complete. And with Kennedy’s hand in hers, they walk inside the car rental center.
What was a hectic 7 hours of her life felt worth it once they were secure in the car and driving into the city. Y/n feels a sense of relief when she drives into the city and passes a few buildings that are painfully familiar to her. She can hear Kennedy constantly going ‘wow’ in the backseat as they move deeper in the city. Y/n had the same feeling when she first stepped foot into this city. The buildings are so high up that it can make anyone feel small and it’s a city that’s always buzzing.
“Are those buildings touching the sky?”
“Kind of. If we have enough time we can take a tour of the tallest building in the city and look at the clouds!”
Kennedy let out a satisfied giggle that made Y/n smile. It is bittersweet. Completely bittersweet. She was coming back to the city, mixing her old life with the new.
Y/n hopes that everything goes smoothly with her job, Kennedy, and herself. She is older, but she is not necessarily better with handling her emotions. She pushes them down, and it’s easy to push down smaller feelings of sadness and disappointment related to the newer aspects of her life, but the feelings from her 19 year-old are proving to be a fighter. She fought back veryhard to keep those feelings deep down from bubbling up. But the dissonance in her head had her feeling completely out of whack the moment she accepted the offer from her job. In the last few weeks she pretended like she didn’t care about the particular location. Yet the years of imagining and secretly rehearsing the scenarios she imagined in her head where she comes out on top serve as evidence that she does stillcare no matter how hard she tries to convince herself she’s not. There is a slim chance of running into anyone, she believes, but even just being here makes her wonder.
-
“It’s two weeks long. I know you’ve got Kennedy to take care of but the university provides a daycare service. Dr. Bennett specifically requested you— she said something about an old teacher of yours? Anyway, this would be great for your resume, and it’s paid for. I hope you don’t let this opportunity pass you.”
Y/n found it tedious to travel for her job. Location aside, she didn’t like having to make a decision about something so major so quickly. There were many, manypros to this little two week work trip, and virtually no cons honestly. But it felt like a ripping off the band-aid off of a wound too early — except she suffered that wound 7 years ago. Now she is sitting in the place that is the very genesis of where many of her problems began.
Kennedy was buzzing to go into the place with the giant frog outside. It looked just the same as it did when Y/n first came here, not even a single poster on the wall had been switched out for something newer. She hesitated to step inside but she had no choice when the five-year-old developed some mysterious strength and dragged her to the door as she walked on her little feet.
“Look at my frog!” Kennedy croons. Y/n quickly shushes her so she doesn’t disturb anyone around them. Y/n noticed a few annoyed glances when she walked in with a small child in tow. She knows what it’s like to be bothered by the presence of a kid in a place that’s normally chill and meant for concentration. But, she also found herself being angry at the people who even looked at Kennedy with an ounce of contempt. Other people’s reactions to Kennedy is still something Y/n is not used to, especially since their town back home is small and they don’t interact with that many people.
“We can’t stay here long, okay?”
“But why?”
“Because we have to go back to the hotel and unpack or else we’ll never get to it.”
The girl said nothing, she just ignored Y/n and went back to playing with the toy frog that came with her meal. She has so much energy yet Y/n feels swamped. It’s partially her fault for obsessing over whether or not Kennedy was going to behave. She was on edge thinking about someone yelling at them on the airplane because Kennedy was too loud. Y/n is a big girl now, but confrontation still scares her. She also wouldn’t want Kennedy to be upset for any reason.
But, she doesn’t have to worry about that now. It’s easy to become inundated with the what-ifs and scenarios where everything goes wrong that it’s hard to remember that everything is fine. Y/n’s worries are a part of a larger fear she’s playing the game of pretending it’s not there. She may have to confront that some time while she’s here, but right now everything is fine. Kennedy is preoccupied and making a soft noises that she thinksa frog makes, a song Y/n remembers from years ago is playing through the speakers, and they made it to the city safely. Y/n reminds herself of those three very real facts to bring herself back down to Earth. She’s been so in her head, and always has been, but it can no longer be her coping mechanism when she has very real things in the real world to deal with.
She lets Kennedy enjoy a few extra minutes snacking on her food and playing with her toy before Y/n realizes that they spent a little too long in the café. The familiarity makes it so comforting that the time flew by.
“Alright Kennedy, it’s time for us to go.”
Kennedy didn’t make any complaints, much to Y/n’s relief. She could always entice Kennedy with a trip to the hotel’s pool if she ever acts up, but that’s her last resort.
“When we go back, can we watch TV?” Kennedy reaches up with her small hand and Y/n grabs a hold of it, both of them holding onto each other tightly in what feels like a strange new world for the younger one.
“Sure, but after we put all of our clothes away, okay?”
“Fine.”
Y/n has this habit of looking down at Kennedy as she’s talking to her even if she’s walking. She’s walked into strangers before so when it happens to her right in this moment it doesn’t feel like such a big deal to her.
“Oh god! I’m so sorry…sorry!” Y/n scrambles so much that she doesn’t even open her eyes or look up at the person who she bumped into.
“I thought that was you.”
Movies and TV shows have told her that a familiar smell, sound, or voice can transport a person back to a poignant time in their life; today was not the day Y/n wanted to learn that that was true. She looks up and feels like she’s got the wind knocked out of her. Not even the collusion was as jarring as registering Natasha’s face in her head. Suddenly it felt like the Earth had shifted underneath her feet and she felt uneasy. Of course the thing to pull her back was Kennedy’s little voice.
“Sorry for running into you!” She says as if she was the one being so careless and clumsy. She’s completely oblivious to what is going on.
Watching Natasha laugh and bend over to reassure Kennedy that she hadn’t done anything wrong made Y/n’s blood run cold. She found herself warring with her needs and her wants. She needsto keep walking and leave as quickly as possible, but what her subconscious wants is to stay here and imagine Natasha being present for every single moment of the past seven years, including the day Kennedy entered Y/n’s life.
“I…I’m sorry,” Y/n repeats, this time her voice hoarse due to her dry mouth. She’s sure that Natasha is still able to read her like a book and knows how deathly nervous she is.
Natasha stands tall again and looks at her. She’s looking at her as if they’re old classmates or something like that; not people who once dated each other. It’s partially because Natasha doesn’t really know how to act around Y/n, but that’s not how Y/n takes it.
“It’s okay, Y/n.”
Kennedy looks between the two adults as they stand there silent. She’s so confused but her five year old brain would not be able to comprehend this moment even if someone tried to explain it to her. She doesn’t know why Y/n is frozen in the spot, not saying anything, and just staring at this stranger. She also doesn’t know why Y/n would be so scared of this random woman.
“Why are you here — I mean — why are you in the city? I never thought I’d see you here again,” Natasha laughs nervously.
“Work. I’m here for work,” Y/n responds curtly.
Natasha nods her head which makes Y/n nod her head too. It’s so awkward that Y/n wants the floor to open up and swallow her whole. She forgets all about the task at hand of going back to the hotel and unpacking all of their clothes for the next two weeks. She feels many emotions at once, some she doesn’t even have the words to describe, and that’s why she’s paralyzed. She’s wondering if she’s going to wake up any moment now and will still be on the plane.
“Excuse me!”
Without thinking, all three of them step to the side. Neither Natasha or Y/n realized they were blocking the exit to the cafe. Natasha can’t be mad at the guy who yelled at them because they were being a nuisance, but this is an important moment that Natasha doesn’t want to be ruined by outside influences.
Natasha never thought this would happen more so than Y/n. She didn’t think Y/n would want to step foot into this city ever again; she already wasn’t too fond of it, plus Natasha had given her a reason to hate it. She can’t decide which is more shocking, seeing Y/n here at this cafe where they met for the first time or that she has a child holding onto her hand for dear life right now. She can’t help but keep glancing down at the little girl because she’s desperately trying to see if she can recognize the traces of Y/n’s face in hers. Natasha had not checked up on Y/n after deleting her Myspace page, and she felt too guilty to find her on Facebook (if Y/n even used it).
She wonders if Y/n is still mad at her even after all of these years. She wouldn’t be able to blame her if she was mad. The more time Natasha had to sit with her thoughts she came to the conclusion that what she had done was shitty to say the least. Not just the break-up itself, but the entire relationship as a whole was a bad move on her part. She knew that in the moment when it was happening, but those few months after she felt worse and worse about it. What Natasha wasn’t expecting was to feel sobad about it right now. Y/n is not a young girl anymore, she’s 27 now, but in her face Natasha can still see some of that innocence she had in college. It’s good that a part of the light in her eyes hadn’t been completely dulled, but she’s so curious if it’s because she’s matured or not.
“How long are you staying in the city?”
Y/n is hesitant to even give her an answer. She knows what that question will lead to and she knows she won’t be able to decline any offers from Natasha. And that’s exactly why she answers, “two weeks.”
“Two weeks is a long time! What are you going to be doing.”
“Oh, I’m a research assistant. I’m going to be working in the university downtown. I didn’t want to do it, but you know how jobs give you better opportunities if you clear your whole life schedule and travel for them.”
What was a little joke to clear up some of that awkward air was a reminder of why it’s so awkward to be around Natasha in the first place. Y/n sees a change in Natasha’s face, a flash of guilt, but the redhead quickly washes it away. Y/n didn’t mean it in that way even though deep down she still has that resentment towards her ex-girlfriend.
“That sounds great,” Natasha’s eyes flash down to the little girl who is anxiously buzzing before looking back at Y/n, “well I won’t hold you two up any longer. But, I do want to extend an invite to have dinner. It’s the least I can do.” Through the formalities and faux friendly behavior is a show of humility from Natasha. The look in her eye is almost sympathetic, like a nice good meal is the best she can do to offer Y/n some comfort for a pain she caused seven years ago. “You two will probably be eating out a lot, so I can cook so you can have a homemade meal,” she continues.
Before she can’t process anything Y/n’s lips are moving and she’s agreeing to this plan.
“Great. I have a new place that’s nice and big, and I could use some guests to help me break in the place. We can exchange numbers and go from there.”
“It’s still (630) 555-3825, right?”
“Yeah,” Natasha is shocked that Y/n still remembers her number. She also can’t gloss over the fact that Y/n figured she wouldn’t change her number. “That’s exactly it.”
“I’ll call. Okay?” Natasha nods her head. Y/n looks down at Kennedy to check in with her; the little girl was growing restless just standing there and listening to the adults talk and they’re going to have to go soon. “I’ll see you later.”
Y/n gives her a small smile, the first one of the trip, and the first one Natasha has seen in years. It’s refreshing to see even if she can tell that it’s forced when she sees Y/n’s true emotions are right in her eyes.
Y/n walks past her and leaves the café with Kennedy in tow. Natasha is still a bit stunned that that actuallyhappened. It was like a movie moment in real life but without the glamor and a more painful feeling. She didn’t expect a happy reunion, but she at least thought the tension between the two would have lessened. It’s been 7 years, many career changes, and possibly many relationships later, that shouldrequire someone to move on to an extent. She hopes that the dinner will be more lighthearted and less awkward. She can’t believe Y/n accepted her offer, but if she’s anything like she remembers then Y/n still struggles to say no.
Natasha leaves the café and heads home in the opposite direction of Y/n’s hotel. What was once a decent, sunny morning turned into a bitter afternoon. It was the opposite of what Natasha felt inside. She felt an optimism that was almost uneasy. For years after that break-up she was desperate to make it up to Y/n for her ego’s sake. She wanted to prove to Y/n and herself that the break-up wasn’t just a power move. But, it is also easy for Natasha to delude herself when she wants to justify her actions that cause emotional harm. She’ll have to reevaluate what she gains from this and what she wants out of it, if she wants anything, but right now she revels in the happenstance.
That is until her phone begins to buzz and takes her out of the moment. An unfamiliar number pops up on her screen. She rarely answers calls from numbers she doesn’t know, but she does this time.
“Hello?”
“I’m just making sure you have my number.”
Natasha was not expecting Y/n to callher just five minutes later. Y/n didn’t expect to call her either but she wanted to hear that voice again and how it has changed so much yet still tugs on her heart all the same. She’s too stubborn to admit any of that to herself though.
“Oh okay. I have your number now.”
“Okay. My work schedule isn’t exactly always accurate so I’ll be the one calling you,” Y/n says matter of factly.
“That’s fine. I’m off of work every day at 4.”
“Okay I’ll call you when I can to set dinner up. Bye-“
Natasha quickly interrupts her before she can hang up, “Y/n?”
“Yes.”
“Can I ask you something? I don’t want to be rude or pry, but I’m just very curious.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Is that your daughter?”
Y/n is surprised Natasha hadn’t asked her sooner. She kept looking at Kennedy with a mix of fear and confusion when they were at the shop; Natasha tried to hide it in her eyes but it was so obvious to Y/n. There is no way that a person wouldn’t have many questions when seeing their ex with a small child. Maybe Natasha didn’t ask earlier because she wanted to be polite and not ask in front of Kennedy. Y/n is grateful for that.
“No. She’s not mine, but she is mine…if that makes sense.”
“It does.” It absolutely doesn’t make sense to Natasha, but now is not the time to try to get any more information out of Y/n. Despite there still being some confusion, Natasha feels a sense of relief wash over her at the answer.
“Okay, well I gotta go.”
“Okay, bye.”
“Bye bye.”
Natasha’s plans when leaving the house today to run some errands was to go home afterwards and continue her productive day. Now she feels like kicking her shoes off and taking a bottle straight from her wine cellar. Bucky is going to be in for a story tonight.
Summary:This time, it is Natasha who has her mind completely made up about this relationship.
A/N:Here’s the end of Chatroom. This story was originally supposed to only be a one-shot but the support for more chapters turned this into a complete series! Thank you for all the support on this story. There will be a sequel, Let Me In, which will begin in February. This is also the last fic of the year and it’s been a long one. Thank you all for sticking with me this year and if you’re a new follower then welcome! Let’s hope 2022 is better
The sun is so high in the sky today.
Winter’s consistent cold has finally broke. Everyone is enjoying the sun beaming onto their skin and the approaching end of the semester. Some people will be graduating, like Amy’s sort-of-kind-of boyfriend, but Y/n has two more years left.
When she was first applying to college, the prospect of staying in one place for four years felt like so much. She’s heard the horror stories about college and how stressful it can be. Her first year was not good for the most part. Her sophomore year was better, but still not the best. However, Y/n is feeling much more optimistic about these next two years because for the first time in her life she knows what she wants for herself
“Everyone is going to be going down to the pier, and the pizza place is going to be packed.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“I don’t know? Maybe we can hangout at the lounge? It’s always empty during the last week of school.”
Y/n is going to miss her friends more than usual this time around. She still feels little pangs of guilt for not telling them the full story of her relationship. There are still many things they don’t know about, but it didn’t seem necessary to get into the details of everything. They know the basic story and that’s fine for them. Y/n realizes how lucky she is that her friends didn’t just discard her after learning she kept something big from them.
“I can’t believe youof all people will be studying abroad,” Cindy pokes at Amy. It came as a surprise to both Cindy and Y/n. The girl who raved about being in a sorority and on the cheerleading team was leaving both behind to go study in Europe for an entire year.
“Why is it so shocking? I feel like I’m cultured! Maybe I’ll find myself a French boyfriend,” Amy jokes and Cindy laughs along. She wasn’t the only one who had studying abroad on her mind though, “how about you Y/n? Have you made your decision yet?”
The pamphlet sits in her backpack, waiting for her to read it again. The edges are curled over and slightly ripped from being stuffed inside with all those books and notebooks. Y/n has probably ready the pamphlet about ten times already; she’s had it for two weeks now. She was just so indecisive despite the encouragement from both of her friends. Even her parents weren’t turned off by the idea. The only person she didn’t run it by is Natasha. She isn’t sure how her girlfriend would react to her being gone for that long. Summer break is already long enough, but tack on an additional six months and it’s nearly a year along.
“I don’t know. My advisor said it’s still not too late, but I’m running out of time. It’s just…hard.”
She could always just wait until the second semester of her junior year. Maybe by then she’ll have the courage to talk to Natasha about it. But, she really wants to go as soon as she can. She spent hours on her laptop looking at Myspace pages and the blogs of people studying abroad. They looked so carefree, yet they were achieving so much and meeting new people. She remembers how much Natasha talked about traveling and how amazing it was for her.
“Yeah, you’re not like me; you actually have a relationship to think about. You should still do it. You don’t have to join me in France, but based off of the fact that your parents, of all people are agreeing to this then you should seize the opportunity.”
Her friends were pushing her to take the opportunity. Cindy was going to be without her best friends for a year, but she thinks this is a necessary step for them, especially for Y/n.
“I don’t know — it’s a lot to consider.” It is obvious to her friend that there is something holding her back, and that something is her relationship.
“Did you tell Natasha about it?”
“No. She’s been busy with work and I didn’t want to bother her. Our conversations have been fairly short since our trip. Both of us are just busy.”
It wasn’t a complete lie, but Y/n had plenty of chances to tell Natasha about this, but she caves every time. Y/n doesn’t like to acknowledge whyshe’s nervous to tell Natasha about this. It’s a positive thing yet she’s afraid. She fears that her girlfriend might dump her due to the distance, or worse, tell her to go and then forget about her while she’s gone. Her mind visuals herself logging onto Myspace and seeing photos of Natasha with someone else. But, considering that both of them have been using Myspace less and less, maybe she’ll just never hear from Natasha again. She could block Y/n’s number or change her own number.
Y/n finds her thoughts to be irrational, but they plague her mind. She shakes them away every chance she gets, but they come creeping in. She spent a whole week with Natasha just a mere two weeks ago, there isn’t a good reason why she thinks thisof all things would blow her relationship up. There have been more fumbles throughout their relationship, and this just can’t be one. Natasha has encouraged her to open up and this would be a pretty extreme way of opening up.
“But, I’ll try to tell her tonight — if I can reach her. If not tonight, then tomorrow night.”
“Good.”
Y/n takes a deep breath as Cindy and Amy go back to planning a get together. She shouldn’t be so nervous. She left the trip feeling happy and fulfilled. She didn’t hear the “I love you” that she expected, but it’s fine. She read in an online article that everyone says I love you at different times. She let it slip a few times but she tried to act like nothing happened. Some people have a hard time expressing themselves, and maybe Natasha is one of them. Y/n was fine with that, especially since she left the trip with something special. Around her wrist is an emerald green bracelet Natasha gifted to her. Coincidentally it was a bracelet that Natasha had gotten when she was in England, the country Y/n was considering studying abroad in. Everything felt like it was meant to be, which is why she doesn’t want to be so nervous about asking Natasha.
This is her taking the leap. This is her taking initiative in her life.
Her efforts are appreciated by her friends, even her parents, and most importantly herself. There is only one last important person in her life to tell, but Natasha is the person who will be the most proud of her.
-
Natasha was shutting off her desktop later than usual. Thanks to it officially being Spring, there was still some sunlight peeking over the horizon. It’s currently 7:02, two hours and two minutes after the usual time she leaves.
Everyone in the office could see the cloud hanging over her head, but no one asked her how she was. Hell, no one even approached her — she’s not the nicest co-worker in the building when she’s upset.
Time is her current scapegoat. Before it was bad luck, before it was otherpeople — but now it is time.
Natasha came to the realization that this relationship with Y/n has been the most inconsistent thing in her life. Even hooking-up with people was a more consistent thing. But, with Y/n it’s either a good time or a bad time, and it seems to teeter-totter between good and bad. Everything was perfect after she came home from the trip. Work was going good, her social life was going good, and her relationship was solid again. But of course there was another wrench thrown into her life. If only this had come before she met Y/n.
She thought that leaving late from work would be the solution to all of her problems, that way she could avoid her boss at all cost. She told Y/n she was working late hours at work (which isn’t a complete lie, but she didn’t feel like explaining how Myspace is banned on her job’s server after an incident where someone posted a photo of one of the bosses drunk at the annual holiday party). She was at her cubicle for hours, feeling closed in by the walls.
She sighs and shakes it off for another night. However, just as she begins to stand up, her boss is blocking her path.
“Why haven’t you answered my emails?”
Natasha felt like a kid getting caught stealing candy. Tony was going to catch her eventually, so it was naive of her to think she could avoid him at all cost.
“Sorry…sorry,” she shakes her head and smiles trying to appear as if the conversation between her and Tony genuinely slipped her mind, “I’ve been busy. I wasn’t ignoring you on purpose.”
Tony doesn’t believe her, but he isn’t going to argue with her. Natasha isn’t in trouble, but she’s avoiding him like she is. He’s not understand why his best employee is acting like this.
“Have you thought about the offer?”
“I have.”
“And?”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
Tony sighs in a mix of frustration and defeat. He can’t forceNatasha to say yes, but he won’t just accept a ‘no’ from her.
“You know I need you to answer soon, Natasha. The office in London is waiting for an answer, and you know I’m a man of punctuality!”
Tony’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard. She didn’t want to hear another word about the offer or the word ‘London’ – she could go an entire lifetime not hearing it ever again.
She looks away from her boss, and he’s no idiot. Natasha would never turn down an opportunity like this. In fact, she thought this offer was going to come to her a little over a year ago. She had been working hardto get that temporary office transfer to London, but was crushed when a former co-worker, Melina, got it. Natasha thought that shedeserved that spot. She was less than kind when complaining to Bucky about Melina who she claimed would be “gallivanting around the city with her legs wide open” in the city that she had dreamed about living in.
It was unfair then, and it’s unfair now. She didn’t have a relationship to consider when the rumors of her name being attached to the offer floated around the office nearly two years ago.
“If something is holding you back then get rid of it now,” Tony says suddenly.
Natasha holds back at gasp. It was like Tony was reading her mind and it was making everything so much worse.
“You shouldn’t let anything get in front of an opportunity like this — especially since you would have said yes in a heartbeatif this was two years ago. You’re not in your 20s anymore Natasha. You’re a big girl.”
Tony was basically telling her ‘take the offer or your career will suffer’. One thing that Natasha has mastered is reading between the lines. Even when she’s nervous or distracted, she knows that most people’s words have a double meaning. Working in business is not easy and she prepared herself to make hard decisions, but the last thing she expected to stand in her way is a relationship.
Natasha is not saying no to the offer. She was never going to say no to the offer. But, what she needed was time, the one thing she has been blaming over and over again. She needs time to think about what she’s going to do. Would it be fair to force a 20 year old girl into a long distance relationship? It’s already tough being an hour away from each other, how could they survive a 6 hour time difference with an entire ocean between them? Natasha knows that if she brings it up to Y/n that Y/n will be willing to accept it. She wonders if she should accept it too.
By the time she lands back in the states, Y/n will be a fresh college graduate and preparing herself for grad school; it would be perfect.
So, why does it seem like such a hard decision to make?
A long distance relationship just sounds so dreadful. Natasha enjoyed the trip with Y/n so much that she realized that she needs the closeness if this relationship is going to work. An hour is a barrier, but not as big of a barrier as her being away in another country. But, throwing an opportunity like this away for a relationship sounds very unlike her. That’s why she’s been trying to avoid Tony as much as possible — her thoughts are conflicting and change every single second.
Tony had left her alone to fester in the silence. He hoped that the little “pep talk” he gave her would push her into making the right decision. He specifically told the company that Natasha would be the perfect fit. Not only should she feel an ego boost from that, but it would be a pay raise, and when she comes back she’ll have an elevated position in the company. This is something she struggledto achieve. Taking on hard jobs with stupid long hours to get into grad school and finally getting her masters. She deservesthis after all that hard work.
Natasha figures her problems out herself, but she felt something nagging at her to ask someone for guidance about this. She leaves the office, pulling on her light jacket, and heads in the direction of the restaurant she was supposed to be at an hour ago.
Wanda called everyone to get together to celebrate. What is she celebrating? Quitting her job. Everyone found it so funny that she was gathering everyone to celebrate her being new unemployed, but Wanda hated her boss and hated that job so leaving called for celebration.
Everyone was already warmed-up, slightly tipsy, and full off of appetizers. No one noticed Natasha walk up to the table and take the spot designated for her over the gregarious air of the room. No one, except for Bucky who was seated right next to her.
“Where were you?”
“Work,” she says plainly as she takes her jacket off. Bucky was suspicious, but once he saw her outfit underneath her jacket he knew she was telling the truth. His eyes trail up to Natasha’s face and she looks an absolute mess.
“You look like shit. Do you want wine?”
Natasha gives him a harsh stare but nods her head in acceptance. She ran out of Merlot last week and hasn’t had the time to get more from the store. She just felt so tired and worn thin, the decision weighing heavy on her. The stress is written all over her face, it’s one of the first things Bucky noticed when she plopped down next to him. He struggled to find something to say. Usually Natasha has a better poker face, but now her guard is completely down. He runs through a list of things that could be the problem and at the top of the list is her relationship. Bucky hates to pry, but at the same time he doesn’t.
“Trouble in paradise? Oh, and how was your trip?” He pushes a plate of bread towards Natasha’s direction so she can have something to eat while she drinks. The last thing Natasha needs is to get shit-faced drunk when she has work in the morning.
“It was great. Too great.”
“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”
Natasha looks around the table and no one is looking at her and Bucky. She leans into him as if they could even be heard over the different conversations going on at the table.
“I got an offer from Tony.”
“What? What is it?” Bucky was intrigued. He doesn’t know much about thee great Tony Stark aside from his reputation in the city and what Natasha tells him. From what he knows, Tony doesn’t just give out offers for fun.
“London. Two years. I’d be working with one of the sister companies, and I’d be making bank. Not only that, but I’d come back home to a senior position which is salaried.”
“Isn’t that the offer you wanted like a year ago? That would be amazingfor your career? Why is this a dilemma for you?”
Just as he’s finishing his question, Bucky quickly realizes whythis is a dilemma for her. It’s that relationship of hers that makes her hesitate. Bucky is surprised her relationship has lasted this long despite Y/n’s young age. Of course there are things he doesn’t know, but Natasha was buzzing after her trip. She even changed her relationship status on Facebook to ‘in a relationship.’ For other people that’s just a given, but for Natasha it is a big deal. Bucky gave Y/n a bit of a hard time, but she seemed like a good girl. Of all the things that might end the relationship, Bucky didn’t see this coming. Neither did Natasha which is why she’s so anxious right now.
“Does she know about it?”
“No.”
“Well you have to tell her.”
“I know, I know. I’m not stupid.”
Natasha was being incredibly short with Bucky. He sighs in frustration, but he doesn’t expect anything else from his friend. She’s not going to just spill her guts at the dinner table, he’s going to have to pry it out of her though.
“You should tell her soon. You’ve been seeing her for over a year now, right? This is a very big deal, Nat.”
“I know. I’ve been meaning to tell her, but whenever we talk on the phone the conversations are short. I also wanted to tell her in person, but she can’t find the time to come to the city. This isn’tsomething I want to discuss on the phone, it just seems unfair to do that to her. But, it seems like it’s going to happen that way.”
“Well, what are you thinking? What are you considering?”
“I’m not turning that offer down. I’d be the dumbest bitch on the planet if I did that. But, if I break-up with Y/n then I’ll feel like the biggest bitch on the planet — either way I feel like a bitch but there has to be a less painful option.”
“So you’re considering long distance?”
“Yes. But, why does that feel like a cop out? It just sounds sounfair to do that to Y/n. She’s 20…why would she want to be in a relationship like this? I can’t be there for her like she wants me to, and if I’m that far away I won’t be there at all. She could date anyone at her college-“
“Someone more age appropriate?”
Bucky knew that was a point of contention in their relationship, at least on Natasha’s side. He wonders if Y/n knows more about her now that it’s been a year. It’s easier for Natasha to hide parts of herself and her life when her girlfriend is 50 miles away and in college.
“I ruined her birthday,” Natasha says with a sigh. Her stomach growls in hunger, but she can’t bring herself to eat right now. She only came because she didn’t want to be alone, “she said everything was fine because I took her on the trip, but when is she going to stand up for herself? I would’ve ended my relationship if my older girlfriend did what I did to her. I don’t want to throw a pity party for myself, but I haven’t been a good girlfriend at all, yet she still sees potential in this? I can’t help but wonder if it’s just because she’s never experienced this before or if it’s because it’s me.”
“From what you tell me, it seems like she reallylikes you. She was shy and kept clinging to you at your birthday party. She seems like a nice girl too.”
“What would you do if you were me?”
“C’mon, Nat, that’s not fair to ask,” Bucky says abruptly. Bucky has had his fair share of messy relationships, but nothing like this. He’s never had a glaringly obvious age gap in his relationship. “My opinion can only mean so much because I don’t know all that has happened between you two.”
“I still want your opinion. You’re one of my closest friends, Bucky.” She wasn’t going to lay off him until he was telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.
“I think you should stay with her if you reallywant to. It seems like she makes you happy. I don’t think there has ever been a time where I saw you smiling at your phone because you got a text. Maybe the space is something you both need. You’ll both grow in two years time. And who knows, maybe Y/n will break it off.”
Natasha hadn’t thought about that being a possibility. Maybe it will be Y/n who is turned off by the distance and wants to end things. That relieves Natasha for some reason. She just doesn’t want to hurt Y/n. She could temper her own heartbreak if Y/n wants to end things.
“Okay…okay…I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
“Good. Whatever happens, don’t blame me,” he jokes.
Natasha gives him a half-hearted smile. Talking did help, but this is something that shehas to figure out herself. She knew from the beginning what her decision would be, but she had to put herself through the wringer before facing the hard part. Her mind is completely made up, and it has been for some time.
-
Two essays down with two more to go.
Y/n was ahead of her personal schedule and she felt on top of the world. It was a warm day today, and the rain didn’t come like the forecast said it would. And, her roommate was not being as strict as she was last semester. She herself was up working on a paper. Their backs are to each other as they work at their desks, the light over their desks hurting both of their eyes.
Y/n felt her phone buzz which gave her the perfect excuse to pull her eyes away from her laptop. She had a break scheduled in about 30 minutes from now, but she needed it now. Her eyes light up when she sees that it’s Natasha calling. She pulls out of her desk and leaves the room before answering the phone.
“Hold on, let me go to the lounge,” she says before Natasha could get a word out.
She walks down the hallway, the hallway with awful reception. The call drops without her realizing it. She was lucky that the lounge was empty so she could call Natasha back.
“Hey.”
“Hi, sorry about that. The reception in the dorms sucks. But, I’m here now.”
“You’re here now.”
Now that she’s settled into the call, Y/n reminds herself that she has something to tell Natasha. She’s worried about her reaction, but it’s now or never since tomorrow is the last day to notify her advisor whether she is going to do it or not.
“I have something really, reallyimportant to tell you.”
“I do too.”
“O-Okay,” Y/n says shyly, “you go first!”
“I wanted to tell you this in person because it’s an important thing and not something we should be discussing over the phone, I respect you more than that, but I know neither of us will be able to find the time and I’m on a time crunch so we have to do it this way. I got a job offer out of the country and I’m taking it. I already told Tony yesterday that I’m going.”
Natasha’s voice is dry. She had to down a full glass of wine before calling Y/n. She was slightly dizzy, but her words came out smoothly. She felt like she was out of her body and her lips were moving without her being mindful of it.
“Oh…that’s great!” Y/n wondered if Natasha could hear the fakeness of her voice. It’s not like she’s not happy for her girlfriend, it’s just that she doesn’t know what this means for them. This also makes it harder for her to tell Natasha her important news. More time and more distance between the two sounds like something that would end a relationship.
“I’ll be going at the end of the Summer, so we only have a little bit of time left. I’ll be gone for two years…I know that’s such a long time, but in college the time flies. I’m sure you’ll be preoccupied with all the college stuff you do and whatever your friends get you into. I understand if this doesn’t sound ideal though. I’ll be off in London and you’ll be in the states.”
“You’re going to London?”
“Yeah?” Natasha was confused. Not because of the question, but because of the tone of Y/n’s voice. The upturn of her voice couldn’t be anything other than happiness?
“Well that’s great because my big news is that I’m thinking about studying abroad and I wanted to go to England! I don’t have enough time to learn another language so that was one of my only options. The school Brecker is partnered with has a great biology program. I don’t know if it’s in London but we would still be in the same country! Oh god I was so nervous to tell you about it because I didn’t want to be so far away from you, but we can still be close!”
Y/n felt over the moon. It was too perfect to be a coincidence that Natasha was going to London and she has the opportunity to study in England for a full school year if she wants to. Her excitement is boiling over, but Natasha doesn’t share the same excitement. It’s perfect, right?
“Don’t you think this is great? That way we would only be apart for a year. I know I have the freedom here at college, but can you imagine how things will be in another country with just the two of us?” Y/n was met with silence from the other side of the phone, and it was beginning to get to her. “Isn’t it great? I was so nervous to tell you, but everything worked out.”
The desperation in her voice was becoming palpable. Natasha’s voice was caught in her throat. She was completely blindsided and not prepared for this. One of the many things she wanted in life was to travel the world with someone she loves. But, that person isn’t supposed to be a college student; a girl who just entered her 20s.
“It sounds great Y/n,” she says with a sigh, “but I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“What?”
“You shouldn’t upend your life for me.”
“But I’m not. I-I wanted to go but was afraid that the news would upset you, but now we still have a chance to be together! You should be happy about this.”
“Y/n. You’re a 20 year old girl. If you want to study abroad then that’s great, but you shouldn’t be concerned about me or following me around.”
“How am I following you around? It’s just a coincidence but it’s a good one. Why are you not happy?”
Natasha groans in frustration. Y/n was having trouble reading between the lines. This was not how things were supposed to go. She was supposed to tell Y/n about the job transfer. She had no plans to end the relationship because in reality she expected Y/n to dump her.
“At 20, you shouldn’t be so concerned about a serious relationship.”
“So why did you get into a relationship with me then!? You knew how old I was…and I still don’t even know how old youare! You don’t tell me anything! It’s like you don’t even want to be in a relationship with me and now you’re coming up with some bullshit excuse.”
Her voice fills the lounge on her floor and bellows down the hallways. A few of the girls on her floor can hear her voice — it’s just another break-up happening in the sophomore lounge.
"You need to let this go Y/n.”
“I can’t! I can’t! It’s not fair! You’re giving up! Why are you giving up!?”
“Because you’re too fucking stupid to realize that I’m doing what’s best for you! Even if you study abroad in England, what if it’s not in London? What if we’re separated even more than we are now? And who’s to say that you won’t be too busy to see me or vice versa? You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t have to hesitate on life decisions just because of me. You’re at a time in your life that is greatly unique. This is the only time in your life where you will feel like you have no real responsibilities in life. There is a lot of ugly shit in this world and it’s not easy-“
“You’re not making any sense. What does any of that have to do with us!? You knew I was in college, you knew I was 19 when we began dating, but you decided to continue a relationship with me. Youdid that, not just me. I didn’t get into this relationship alone so I don’t know why you’re just talking about random stuff. We can be together, so why are you doing this? Are you doing this just to hurt me?”
Natasha can’t give her a clear answer. Hell, she doesn’t even have one herself. When she left the office today, she told herself that she was going to let Y/n make the call about their relationship. But, she didn’t think Y/n would just have the “perfect” solution to the distance. Natasha can’t put her finger on why it’s imperative to end things right now, but she knows it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do was back off Y/n when she learned her age and her upbringing. There are so many similarities between the two of them except that when Natasha got to college she threw allcaution to the wind and get burned. She doesn’t want the same for Y/n. What would be worse? Both being in the same foreign country and slowly beginning to drift apart because of being busy and self-discovery, or ending things now? This is not a fairy tale. Just because Y/n thinks things are fine doesn’t mean they are. She just keeps ignoringeverything. There was shit she shouldn’t have ignored. Natasha found herself slightly turned off by her passive behavior. As painful and awful as it is, Natasha believes that this is what Y/n needs to learn to stand up for herself. If Natasha had learned this lesson at 20 like Y/n then she wouldn’t have wasted her 20s in such shitty relationships.
“You need to form an identity of your own. When you grow up the way you did it’s easy to latch onto someone. Are you going to trail me the rest of my life?”
“We are in a relationship. Why are you acting so annoyed that I want us to be together!?”
“I want you to be your own person,” Natasha continues. She was tuning Y/n’s voice out so she could get through this without breaking down. She finds it hard to believe that Y/n would take her back if she suddenly changed her mind and puts on a happy voice and says that this will be great, but she knows that Y/n will let her put her through all that heartache just to hear what she wants to hear. “You don’t understand. You’re not going to understand for a very long time, but this is necessary.
“B-But I love you,” her voice wavered as tears slipped down her face. She felt stupid for crying, stupid for being so vulnerable. How could she not see this coming? They just spent a week together not too long ago and it was the best time of her life. Y/n had come to the conclusion that she lovesNatasha on that trip. She’s never been in love so she doesn’t know if that’s how she currently feels but she felt like she could get to that point. Why was Natasha stopping her dead in her tracks before she could come to that point? Why doesn’t Natasha understand her?
“You need to let this go. Let mego. I’m just one person, you’ll meet a thousand more people in your life that will mean much more to you than I do. Everything feels so big and life-changing right now but that’s because you’re 20. You have so much ahead of you and I don’t want to give you a complex because I’m selfish-”
“But you’re being selfish right now! You’re not listening to me at all!”
Natasha sighs. For the last time she opens her mouth to speak to Y/n.
“Please take care of yourself.”
The phone plays it’s call-ended sound, and it sounded out so loudly in Y/n’s ears. She stares at her phone, almost wanting to throw it across the room and let it break into pieces as if it was the person who hurts her. Her vision is slightly blurred as she bites back her rage. It simmers inside of her and makes her head hurt. She gets broken up with and all she gets is a ‘please take care of yourself’. Natasha’s words repeat in her head like a mantra that makes her sick to her stomach.
She has no answer and no clear understanding of what just happened. Just herself and the useless sentence: please take care of yourself.
A/N: One more chapter left of Chatroom! This one is pretty lighthearted to prepare for the calm before the storm
Natasha told her that burnt toast is the best way to eat. Y/n thought they were too charred to even eat but her girlfriend convinced her otherwise. She giggled while she explained how browner the perfect toast is with such conviction. It felt silly but Natasha talked so passionately about it as if someone had told her all her life she was wrong about her opinion on bread.
And Y/n realizes what she likes most about Natasha. It was silly to see the admirable trait of being passionate come through when she’s talking about bread, but Y/n is certain that she could talk about paint drying on a wall and she’d look at her with stars in her eyes. She has a passion that Y/n has never witnessed herself — a lust for life if you will. The people around her are exploring life, but there is just something so attractive about a person who has it together while not being solely tied down to their career every waking moment. It seems more meaningful than the trap of college life where you’re trying to party hard yet come out of college unscathed. Natasha has direction in her life, something that feels hard to grasp in the throes of college and preparing yourself for life beyond while in a totally new environment.
Y/n would like to feel like she has her life together someday. She never worried or thought about that until she met Natasha. Her main concern prior to this relationship was finding herself and being able to open — she feels like she has been able to do that with this relationship. However, she’s still in college where her life feels a little bit jumbled.
She is aware that right now she fits into Natasha’s life as much as a square peg fits into a round hole, but she hopes that doesn’t deter her from wanting to be with her. Aspects of their lives and personality make them incompatible, but there are so many great things that keep them bonded together. If both of them can just hold on for a little longer then things will fall into place.
“What do you want to do today?”
Natasha’s voice cuts through her thoughts and Y/n had no clue she was just staring at her as she sat across from her. She tries to play it off, hoping that she hadn’t been caught. She just looks so good in her morning attire with the scratchy voice to match.
“I don’t know…what do you have planned for us?”
“Well we could go down to the river nearby. It’s not warm enough for a swim, but it’s still beautiful down there. Or we could go hiking. Either one sounds fine to me.”
“I wanna go hiking! I’ve never been to the dunes but Amy told me that they’re so beautiful and I gotta see it.”
“Then we’ll do that,” she tilts her head to see the clock on the stove that reads ‘11:23’, “we can head out at 1. That’ll give us plenty of time to get ready.”
Natasha gets up and walks over to Y/n’s side of the table and kisses the top of her head. In front of her was a plate of the simple breakfast she made for them. There wasn’t much to work with in the house. Natasha appreciated the effort. It was a new experience for her to wake up to noises coming from the kitchen and the smell of food in the air. It felt oddly domestic which was both comforting and frightening for her.
After last night, Natasha decided that she wasn’t going to bring up her feelings or acknowledge them for the entire trip. Y/n deserves the peace of knowing that her girlfriend does indeed like her. She feels guilty about the birthday fiasco, but Y/n acts like everything is fine so she decides it’s not worth bringing up on the trip. Y/n only acts like there isn’t an obvious problem because she’s clueless about how relationships work. Sometimes Natasha wants to be blunt with her. Y/n should be mad at her, she should want to stick up for herself and call her out. Every second that passes where she doesn’t do that Natasha feels like pushing her to do so, but she feels like that would do more harm than good. There is just no gentle way to confront reality and it sucks. She wishes she would have never been selfish in the beginning.
Natasha has to force herself to quit from thinking about exactly what she told herself to avoid. She doesn’t want to ruin this trip because of pessimism. Instead she turns her focus to packing for their hike. It’s not a hot day, but she wants to be prepared. It’s Y/n’s first time visiting the dunes and she doesn’t want it to be a bad experience. She contemplates packing one of the toys her eyes gloss over. She has a few that she hasn’t used on Y/n just yet and she’s excited to explore during this trip. However she decides not to pack one of their toys for now. She can’t promise herself that the outing will be completely innocuous, but she’s already equipped with what she needs to get her girlfriend off. The dunes are nearby and she can’t wait for Y/n to see them. She’s sure that she’ll love it and she hopes it can give them the much needed peace deserved after the last two weeks.
-
“How close are we?”
“Less than a mile baby.”
Y/n wanted to groan but she feels like she’s complained enough already.
The forecast had lied to them and it was warmer than expected. Y/n was wearing a sweater, the one with Natasha’s alma mater on it, when they first began their journey on one of the dune trails. Now it’s tired around her waist and she’s in a sports bra. It’s a little bit too small for her and it’s very noticeable. She only wore it because she didn’t think she’d have to take her sweater off. Natasha felt childish for ogling her tits, but Y/n is her girlfriend after all and she just can’t help but to stare at what’s hers.
They’ve been walking for a good 30 minutes. Y/n was growing exhausted, but Natasha wanted to show her something. She promised her that the work it takes to make it to their destination will pay off and Y/n hopes it’s true. They pass by multiple mile markers and Y/n counts down until they finally reach the next full mile. The trail breaks off into two separate ones. Y/n is about to walk down the one on the left before Natasha stops her.
“Here.”
Natasha grabs Y/n’s hand and leads her to the trail on the right. Y/n is a bit worried that a lot more walking is ahead of them, but she sees that the trail has reached a dead end. It’s not really a scenic area so Y/n is sort of confused as to why Natasha really wanted them to come to this spot.
“We can take some time to rest here. I doubt anyone will stumble upon us — plus we get this view.”
Natasha points to the vast opening where they can see the Earth stretch out for miles and miles. They can see the other trails and so much more. Y/n has never considered herself an outdoorsy person but Natasha didn’t lie when she said this would be perfect.
After just staring at the landscape beyond her for a few minutes, she turns to Natasha and sees that she has set up a blanket on the ground for them to sit on.
“Come sit with me,” she pats the space beside her.
Y/n happily walks over and sits down. She’s grateful for Natasha packing all the stuff she did or else this would be a much more miserable time. There is even more water than she has in her water bottle and a few snacks. Y/n’s hand is reaching for the grapes and she quickly opens up the baggy before popping a few in her mouth.
“So…how do you like the view?”
“It’s perfect,” Y/n says after swallowing what was left in her mouth, “how many times have you been here?”
“Countless times. I would always come with friends, or by myself, but never with someone I’ve dated.”
The revelation makes Y/n feel special. She doesn’t make a big deal of the comment but she keeps it stored away in her mind.
“I love the city, don’t get me wrong, but this is perfect. When I get old and retire someday I want to leave the city. I don’t know if I’ll necessarily move close out here or out of state, but I want to spend the last of my days out by nature.”
“Really? I guess I haven’t thought about that far out in my life.”
“If you live more than five years in the city, then you’d get what I’m saying.”
Y/n lived in the suburbs all of her life so city life was a foreign thing to her. All of her treks to see Natasha and going into the city made her feel oddly mature. Her parents told her cities are so dangerous and filled with rude people, but she’s never encountered any of that. The city was colorful and filled with so many different people. She found Natasha to be so lucky that she could step outside her apartment and have countless options for things to do on a day off. Y/n has been looking up schools in the city for that very reason. She almost considered transferring in the middle of her undergraduate years, but it’s just easier to wait until she graduates. She hasn’t said anything to Natasha about it because she’s unsure of how she’ll react. Would her close presence be unwanted? It’s hard to find the answer, especially after the last two weeks.
“I can tell when you’re thinking,” Natasha teases her. She leans back and props herself up on her elbows, “it’s written all over your face whenever you’re thinking too much.”
“Is it that obvious?” Y/n giggles as she lays down next to Natasha.
An arm wraps around her shoulder and draws her in closer. Everything feels perfect — almost like it did in the beginning. Y/n forgets about the problems of the last two week, in fact she thinks about any and all of the problems they’ve had. It all feels so small and asinine now. Y/n loves Natasha so much that she’s willing to look past the petty stuff. It’s finally set in that she’s in love with her girlfriend and now it’s time to move through life together. Y/n wants to know so much more about Natasha. She feels like she’s always talking about her life and her past, but barely knows about Natasha besides the small tidbits from casual conversation.
“Did you like doing this kind of stuff when you were a kid?” Y/n asks, breaking the silence.
“Sometimes. My parents would take me camping. It was one of the few times I felt like I was able to be a kid. I used to get made fun of by my classmates that I didn’t know how to skip rocks, but I learned how to on my very first camping trip. It’s so stupid, but stuff like that really makes you feel alienated when you’re a kid who doesn’t know better.”
Y/n could relate so much to Natasha’s upbringing so she wonders why she doesn’t open up about it much. It could be hard for her to do, but Y/n understands what she went through.
“That was me but with crayons. My parents wouldn’t give me the big 48 pack of crayons while everyone else had them. They thought it would make me ‘spoiled’ and turn into a brat. In hindsight it’s was such a small thing to be upset about but I was in 1st grade and it felt like the end of the world for me.”
“Most of it was small silly stuff, but that denial of small things snowballs into bigger things,” Natasha inhales deeply, “let’s change the subject. We’re out here and it’s so beautiful, let’s not ruin that.”
Y/n nods her head. She doesn’t believe that opening up is going to “ruin” their time out here, in fact she thinks it’ll bring them closer, but she doesn’t protest. Besides, she has no choice but to not talk about it when Natasha kisses her.
It was mostly to placate her. She doesn’t want Y/n to think she’s trying to shut her down, but now is just not the time to talk about those things. She feels Y/n melting underneath her and she feels like her mission has been accomplished.
“You’re so pretty,” Natasha says between kisses. Y/n hums into the kiss and arches her back to press her body closer to Natasha. Y/n hoped that this spot is as secluded as Natasha said because it would be embarrassing to be caught like this.
Natasha’s hands rested idly on her sides before she began to tug at her leggings. The action was making Y/n wet because she knows exactly what Natasha wants. She wants her too and the thrill of doing something so private out here makes her feel delirious with lust. Natasha places her head in her neck and begins to suck on her skin. Y/n sighs and whimpers when Natasha nips at the most sensitive parts of her skin.
A hand snakes between them and Natasha applies pressure to Y/n’s clit through her leggings. Those little gasps and sighs of pleasure are heavenly to her. She’s obsessed with getting Y/n off so much that it makes her impatient. She’s eagerly tugging at her leggings while still kissing her neck.
“Natasha,” Y/n whimpers. Everything was happening so fast and she couldn’t stop it. But she didn’t want it to stop. This is Natasha’s way of showing her love. It becomes increasingly obvious that it’s not easy for Natasha to open up, but she shows it physically and that’s enough for Y/n.
Natasha pulls away from her neck and sits up on her knees. She removes her own t-shirt to reveal her sports bra. She grabs Y/n’s bra before Y/n is taking it off herself. The warm air hits her tits and instantly hardens her nipples. Y/n groans as she feels them pebbling. Natasha grabs the sweater around her waist and Y/n assumes she’s going to discard it somewhere but she instead places it over her head.
“I want you to wear it,” Natasha declares. Seeing Y/n in her clothes turns her on so much. It’s a little too warm to be wearing it, and their activities are going to heat her up even more, but Natasha is too selfish right now.
Y/n puts it on and it covers her up but it doesn’t deter Natasha from reaching underneath her shirt and squeezing her tits. Y/n’s sighs get a little bit louder, especially when Natasha’s fingers swipe across her hard nipples.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
Y/n nods her head while biting down on her bottom lip.
Natasha gets Y/n’s leggings off leaving her in just her underwear. Natasha is still partially clothed, but Y/n begins to tug at her sweat pants.
“You’re just so eager,” Natasha teases her for being hasty just like she is. It’s all lighthearted because once Natasha gets Y/n’s panties off she’s not going to be able to control herself.
“I don’t want to be the only one naked,” Y/n says with a pout.
Natasha gives her what she wants and takes her sweatpants off, but she quickly turns the attention back to Y/n. She hooks her fingers in the elastic and pulls her underwear off. Now she’s left in nothing but Natasha’s college sweater. Her hair is a bit disheveled from their fumbling on the blanket. She looks so hot like this, but Natasha wants to make her look even more of a mess. She’s possessive and likes to be reminded that she’s the only one who does this to Y/n.
Y/n felt slightly vulnerable being exposed like this, but she feels safe with Natasha. Natasha grabs her hips and pulls her across the blanket. Y/n gasps at the sudden movement and those gasps turn to whimpers of pleasure when Natasha dips two fingers into her pussy.
“Oh my god,” she whines.
She’s reminded of what they did just the day before when Natasha pushes her fingers in deeper. Y/n is so wet, soaking every inch of her digits as she slowly pulls them in and out. Y/n is too embarrassed to look at herself getting finger fucked, but Natasha can’t pull her eyes away. Her pussy is so deliciously warm and wet. Her slow pace is damn near tortuous but Natasha is having so much fun hearing Y/n whine and whimper like a bitch in heat.
“Your pussy is so tight. No matter how many times I stretch you out, your pussy is always wrapped so snugly around my fingers.”
Y/n’s body is heating up and it’s not just because of the outside temperature. Natasha’s fingers are somehow too much and not enough at the same time. She is constantly on a rollercoaster of emotions with Natasha’s but the highs are so high.
“Natasha,” Y/n whines again. It’s like that’s the only thing she can say because that is the only thing that matters.
The call of her name makes Natasha move her fingers in and out of her faster. She watches and hears the lewd sound of her fingers splashing in her wetness. Y/n’s pussy is already creaming around her fingers and it really hasn’t been that long. She just loves how responsive and needy Y/n gets.
As much as it’s fun to turn her into an impatient mess, Natasha is becoming one herself. She pulls her finger out of Y/n’s pussy and they’re covered in her slick. She sits back so she can take her own pants off and her panties follow suit.
“W-What are you doing?”
This was something new for Y/n. Natasha straddled her and placed her legs around her legs to make them fit like a puzzle piece. She was rendered speechless when Natasha placed her pussy on top of hers. She was wet and sticky. Their arousals mix together as Natasha begins to swirl her hips so their clits can roll over each other. She grabs onto Y/n’s leg tightly for leverage. Y/n has no clue what they’re doing but it feels so good.
“Nothing feels better than your pussy on mine,” Natasha confesses as her voice cracks. She feels like she’s in heaven now. “So fucking wet for me.”
Y/n was just laying there while Natasha did most of the work. She was so overwhelmed but Natasha was so much more composed than her. Y/n felt herself getting closer and closer every time Natasha moved her hips. She ground herself harder against Y/n’s pussy, chasing her high as much as she was concerned with making Y/n cum.
“Pussy is so sweet baby,” Natasha’s voice is now whiny which matches Y/n’s.
Her fast thrust makes Y/n’s tits juggle underneath the sweater. Natasha nearly cums at the sight of those pretty tits jiggling under hersweater, her alma mater sewed proudly into the soft fabric. She’s never felt so much pride in claiming someone as ‘hers’. It’s been a long time since she could say that. Flashes of regret hit her as she wishes she would have showed Y/n off at her birthday party. There are many things she could have done better, but Natasha can’t fix it now. Sometimes it feels futile to do so.
“I’m gonna cum Natasha!”
Y/n’s voice pulls her out of the daze. It was easy to get lost in contemplation when her hips were moving absentmindedly for her. But Y/n always somehow pulls Natasha into the reality where everything is fine. That clashes with the only reality that exists, but she can pretend until it becomes her reality because that’s all she wants.
“Cum for me baby,” Natasha leans down so her face was inches away from Y/n’s face, but her pussy is still on Y/n’s, grinding feverishly. “I want to feel you cum against me baby. You’re so goddamn wet.”
Y/n kisses Natasha with all the energy she has left in her. It’s going to be so hard to trek back down that trail, but that’s the bridge she’ll cross when she gets to it. She’s lost in the moment and the sweetness of her girlfriend’s lips against hers. Their kiss is so soft and delicate compared to the rough and fast movements of their hips. Y/n cums first, moaning against Natasha’s lips which sends a vibration throughout her body.
The feeling of Y/n’s pussy gushing against hers triggers Natasha orgasms. She’s the one who pulls away from the kiss so she can let out a strangled moan. She still grinds even as she grows sensitive. It’s Y/n who is the one who stops them, her hands gripping Natasha’s hips to bring her to a halt.
Natasha stops moving, but she rolls Y/n around so she’s on top. Her lips are back on hers and she never wants them to part. She kisses her feverishly, her tongue sliding into her mouth. It’s so lascivious that it makes the shy girl in Y/n all bashful. But the person on the outside is kissing back with so much passion. She’s come such a long way and her being able to be comfortable with her sexuality is a big step for her.
They could go forever, and it almost seems like they’re going to until a rock falls and makes both of them jump. Y/n yelps and Natasha looks in the direction of the fallen rock. When they realized it was just a rock and not a person, they relaxed. Y/n laughs at herself for getting all scared and yelping like that. Natasha joins her before she kisses her exposed collar bone.
“Was that good?” She asks against her skin.
“So good. It’s always so good with you.”
Hearing that makes Natasha’s heart pump faster and she feels up with warmth. She’s a grown woman but she feels like a teenager in love. It’s scary that someone so young is able to make her feel like this.
That mere thought makes her become hesitant again. She pulls her lips away from Y/n’s collarbone but she does it in a way that isn’t sudden and won’t worry Y/n. Her girlfriend has a big, satisfied smile on her face.
“I love being out here with you. I love this trip so far.”
Y/n was fawning over the trip, and what they just did, but what she really wanted to say was that she loved Natasha. She just feels like it’s too soon when considering their relationship. If they lived nearby and were able to function like a regular couple then she would have no problem saying it. It’s been a little over a year of them being together, how could Y/n not love Natasha?
Natasha has strong feelings for Y/n too, but it takes her much more to say 'I love you’. She’s only said it to one girlfriend and she truly meant it then. She still has love for that girlfriend, but she’s not inlove with her. She isn’t in love with anyone, but Y/n brings her good feelings that she hasn’t felt in a long time.
Her growing love for Y/n makes her believe that what Y/n wants is the opposite that she needs.
But, that is a problem for another day.
They’re on a trip together, enjoying the beautiful view of the dunes and the surrounding nature. Nothing else matters. Whatever problems arise in the future will be addressed then. For now they just have each other and the silence that falls between them. That’s all they needed — a moment of stillness in the quiet chaos of their relationship.
Summary: The aftermath of Y/n’s birthday doesn’t go how she or her friends expected.
Content:age gap, some angst (mostly in the beginning), fluff, smut (18+ only, MINORS DNI), sex toys, edging, oral, overstimulation.
It’s been two weeks since Y/n’s birthday and life has been a complete mess since. She’s not sure when her friend decided to live a double life or when she got a girlfriend because Y/n still didn’t tell her more than that she has been seeing this “Natasha” person for nearly a year. Cindy had to go snooping on Y/n’s Myspace page only to find Natasha on her friend’s list. There were a few innocuous comments from Y/n on her profile too. She combed through her entire page, growing more confused as she looked deeper. This person was clearly older than the three of them and lived in the city. The more she discovered, the more confused she became.
Amy didn’t know how to navigate the situation either. She was the most clueless one out of the two. At least Cindy knew that Y/n liked someone. Amy just thought her friend was going through her life as usual. But there were small things about Y/n that had changed that neither of them were able to notice until now. She did dress slightly differently and seemed to have more confidence in herself. They just thought that she was finally letting loose and was beginning to enjoy her college years, never in a million years did they think it was because Y/n was in a relationship.
Y/n slept at Cindy’s dorm that night, but she was gone first thing in the morning before Cindy could see her. She had gone ghost all weekend. It felt appropriate to give her some space, but when they didn’t see her Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, it was time for them to check in on her.
Cindy knew that at 2pm on Thursday Y/n was leaving her English Literature class. They waited outside until people began filing out of the room. Y/n didn’t notice them at first but jumped when it registered to her that her friends were outside of her classroom waiting for her. Her plan of avoiding them until Spring Break wasn’t going to work because they wanted answers.
“We need to talk.”
The three of them ended up at Cindy’s dorm since it was the only place that would be private enough for them to sort things out.
With her friends standing in front of her, arms crossed, while she sits on the couch, Y/n felt like she was a child again. In hindsight, of all the people she hid her relationship from, it shouldn’t have been her friends. She was just scared about what they would think and if they would judge Natasha for being older. That had come to bite her in the ass.
“When were you going to tell us you have a girlfriend? One that is like ten years older than us at that!?”
“She’s not ten years older than us.”
“Are you sure? Because she definitely isn’t 20 or 21. She works in a goddamn office!”
Y/n couldn’t be mad at her friends for finding Natasha’s Myspace page and dissecting it. If she had just been open about this from the beginning then they could be avoiding all of this.
“She’solder, but she’s not old. I’m not the only one who has been with someone older!” Y/n points at Amy, “Ben was 25 when you were just 19!” She was only accusatory because she couldn’t take the heat from her friends.
“He was 23 and we weren’t dating. We didn’t even hang out! All we did was send a couple flirty messages on Myspace. That’s different from being in a secret relationship for a whole year!”
“Okay, then how old is she?” Cindy says quickly after Amy is done.
Y/n feels attacked from both sides and Cindy of all people did not seem to be on her side.
“I…I don’t know.”
Cindy sighed, her head falling forward while Amy laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. These two were acting like parents, but if they had been Y/n’s parents they would have been calling up some young adult Christian camp and sending her off within a week. This is bad, but Y/n holds onto the fact that it could be much worse. Once the shock and annoyance subsides, Y/n will be able to explain everything to them without them being mad at them. But, she has quite a bit to tell them and she isn’t sure how they’ll take it.
“How do you not know your own girlfriend’s age? I mean – she knows how old you are, right?”
“Yes, but-”
“Okay, but how do you not know? That just sounds fucking bizarre to me, Y/n.”
“Please just let me explain!”
“Yes, please do!”
Her friends are all ears to hear how this whole thing came about. Still, even as Y/n told them everything, every single detail, and how they got to this point, they were so confused. Amy was stuck on the fact that she just happened to meet someone who lives an hour away on Chatzy of all places. It seems like pure luck, but it almost sounds too good to be true. Cindy was shocked that Y/n was actually taking trips to the city by herself and without anyone knowing. The campus bus does take people to the train station that takes them to the city, but Y/n was always too shy and timid to do something that major. Hell, she was even scared to eat in the cafeteria by herself their first year of college!
“I just don’t understand whywould you want to date someone who lives so far away and is older than you. She lives a completely different lifestyle than you and I don’t see how it could work! She clearly doesn’t respect you because you don’t even know her age! Even her friend was unsure of you. So, why deal with that?”
“You don’t get it. Natasha grew up just like me! She had strict parents and didn’t have her freedom until college. I admire her so much-”
“Okay and I admired Nicole Richie for like three years but I didn’t act on that! You could admire someone without getting into a relationship with them Y/n.”
“I know, I know, but you don’t get it! This is the first time I feel like a normal person! My parents never let me do anything growing up and it’s so nice to have someone who can empathize with me about that. You two get to have so much fun and date people, and even though I tried to force myself by going to those frat parties, I just couldn’t enjoy it. I had to do something on my own terms to grow up and feel normal. My relationship with Natasha makes me feel like it’s my turn to be a normal girl.”
It was hard to respond because what could her friends really say? They know how Y/n’s parents are and always felt bad for her. But they just didn’t think a secret relationship was the way to have her rebellious phase. Y/n was being extremely naive, but at the same time, her friends don’t have much room to talk, especially Amy. They all just reached their 20s and have made many mistakes in dating, however none seem as outrageous as what their friend is doing.
“Are you even happy in the relationship? Because it seems like you two just honestly aren’t compatible.”
“I’m very happy! She’s so kind and sweet to me and she does amazing things for me.”
Cindy doesn’t doubt that Natasha is a good person. She just doesn’t think her and Y/n are a good match. It’s a case of right person, wrong time. If she’s annoyed with the high schoolers that live in her neighborhood back at home, then Cindy can’t imagine Natasha being too excited to hangout with someone in college. She’s done all of that before it seems, which makes it hard for Cindy to fathom why she would want to hang around someone still in college. She doesn’t want Y/n to feel like she isn’t special, but what about her really attracts an older person besides her youth and naïveté?
“Okay, so what is your plan going forward with the relationship? Do you want this to be a long-term thing?
"DoesNatashawant this to be a long-term thing?”
“And how does she feel about you still being in college?”
“What would your parents think about you dating someone much older than you?”
The questions they lobbied at her made Y/n’s head-spin. She can’t accept the harshness of them being right. If she listens to them any longer then she’s going to ruin her Spring break.
“I-I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Her friends sigh in defeat once more. Her hesitancy to answer any of their questions means that they’re right, but she’s going to be too stubborn to tell them that.
“Our relationship is good and Natasha is taking me on a trip for Spring break to show me that. Okay? We’re good.
Not being able to handle anymore bombshells, Amy laughed and plopped down onto Cindy’s bed. Cindy is sure her face looks crazy as she stares at Y/n in disbelief. It’s like she doesn’t even know who her friend is. The petty side of her wants to be pissed and disown Y/n for being so secretive and acting so stupid once she was found out, but the other side knows that that wouldn’t solve anything. She cares for her friend and wants her to be happy, but this relationship just does not sound like one Y/n should be in.
"I love her, okay? I promise I’ll be fine.”
It was hard for them to believe her, but the conversation was going nowhere. Everyone was dizzy from going in circles and circles.
“How do you plan to manage taking a trip with her? What are you going to tell your parents?”
“Don’t worry. I have that all figured out.”
-
Red Fox Cabins was only two hours away from the city, and one hour away from Brecker University. It was that time of year where college kids were traveling to the beaches and party hotspots to blow off the steam of the school year so far and throw caution to the wind.
There was no way Natasha was going to be caught dead at a Spring Break beach bash, but she knows Y/n wouldn’t even be interested in one of those things either.
Patching things up with gifts and a trip does not heal the wound yet Y/n has been acting like never ever happened after Natasha propositioned her with this trip. Sometimes she’s so stunned by how simple Y/n is. They argue and all Natasha has to do is do something for her and everything is just fine again. There’s no pushback with Y/n wanting to talk about her frustrations in person or even on the phone. She was almost turned off by it too, however her hands are not entirely clean when it comes to how Y/n responds to their arguments. Her knee-jerk reaction is to placate Y/n after upsetting her. She cannot fathom the idea of Y/n breaking up with her.
“Are you ready to go?”
Natasha’s car was parked outside of Y/n’s dorm. She helped her load her suitcase and everything Y/n brought down from her dorm with her. Y/n didn’t expect this trip to happen so she didn’t have many supplies she would need for a trip to the cabin in the woods, but Natasha reassured her that everything would be fine. The two get into Natasha’s car and they’re leaving campus.
Y/n found it so easy to lie to her parents when Natasha talked about wanting to take her on a trip. She lied about being in her college’s bible study group and told them about the Spring Break trip they were taking. Her parents had no way to verify whether she was telling the truth or not which made it easier for her to lie about. She found a sense of freedom in lying to them. It’s not like she’s doing anything dangerous or illegal.
Natasha played a CD of songs Y/n has never heard before. She was enjoying every second of their time in the car together and she just can’t help but wonder why her friends tried to sow doubt into their relationship. Y/n has never felt more alive or happy in her life.
“So, what made you decide to take me on a trip?” Y/n has her ideas, but she’s desperate to hear it from Natasha. She wants to hear her girlfriend fawn over her and list off all the reasons why she likes doing these kind of things for her.
“We could use some time away from our lives,” Natasha took the entire week off of work because she needs a break from the city, “plus we could use some time together. Alone, just the two of us.”
Y/n sighs in content. She really needs reassurance after the events of her birthday that happened only two weeks ago. She was glad that Natasha thought about her instead of Y/n having to go home for a boring Spring Break.
“I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t done any sort of camping since I was in middle school.”
“Christian camps?”
“Yep. They were sort of fun, but the camp counselors were so uptight. A lot of the people I went to camp with liked sneaking out of the cabins at night, but it was hard not to get caught. The one time I joined them was a successful attempt though. It was completely harmless — people were just gossiping and this guy had a guitar…I don’t know why everyone acted like if we weren’t so heavily monitored that we would start going wild. Only being able to have that little bit of freedom is what made us rebel the most.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about being monitored. It’s just us out there.”
Y/n’s realizations sound a lot like the ones Natasha had when she was that age. It just sucks that her empathy is beginning to wane. She’s had these conversations before over and over again in her youth, and she just has lost interest in the topic. If she was just a few years younger then she wouldn’t mind listening, but at 30, it shows the glaringly obvious differences between the two of them.
At some point Y/n falls asleep, and Natasha just listens to the lull of her wheels driving over the road and the music softly playing. She can’t deny that she feels unsure about this relationship, but she’s still looking forward to this week. She seriously needed a break from the fast city life and maybe if she takes Y/n into a new setting then they can find some way to be on the same page. More than anything she wants Y/n to understand where she’s coming from. She can’t involve herself in Y/n’s college life, but she doesn’t want that to stop Y/n from doing things she should be doing for her social development.
"We’re here.”
Y/n opens her eyes slowly and they’re parked in front of a log cabin. Apparently this was owned by Natasha’s friend and they were letting her use it for the weekend. It’s going to be a whole week with just the two of them. They haven’t been together for that for the entire duration of their relationship. Staying the night at Natasha’s place was great, but knowing she doesn’t have to get up in the morning and make her way back to campus is even better.
Even the first few hours being here were perfect. They didn’t do much either, they just unpacked their things and got settled into the cabin. It was really nice of Natasha’s friends to let them stay here. She wonders if she met them at her birthday or if they’re complete strangers to her. There is a lot that Y/n doesn’t know about Natasha and it should be alarming to her. She knows about her job, and has met some of her friends, the very basics. But, for a one year relationship, there are some large gaps in what she knows about her girlfriend. If she were to fill out a questionnaire about her girlfriend she isn’t sure she’d be able to do it successfully. She wouldn’t be able to learn everything about Natasha, or any person, in a year, but she should know more. This trip was perfect for that. It’s come at perfect timing too because Y/n is sure her and Natasha will grow closer and the two will be able to get to know each other much more.
“What do you have planned for us while we’re here?”
“Nothing really. That’s the point of this trip,” Natasha wraps her arm around Y/n’s shoulder and pulls her closer as they cuddle on the couch, “it’s just for us to get a break from the real world. Just me and you.”
Y/n was excited to just be able to relax for the entire week without any interruptions. The events of her birthday were on her mind though, but she didn’t want to sour the mood by bringing it up.
“And, you can consider this week your birthday gift.”
An apology was left out of what Natasha says. Natasha, if she’s being honest, doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong. If anything she feels bad for how she handled it, but she wasn’t going to show up to that party with all those college kids no matter what.
“Well, are you at least going to bake me a cake?” Y/n jokes
“Unless you want me to burn down this cabin then yeah no, that is not happening.”
Y/n couldn’t stop staring at Natasha. She’s enamored by her, the twinkle in her eyes as she laughs and the slight wrinkles in the corners of her eyes. How could she walk away from this? Her feelings are almost unimaginable, something she thought she’d never experience.
Natasha doesn’t notice her staring until a good two minutes have passed.
“What?” She asks with a playful smirk on her face.
“Nothing,” she meets her with the same amount of playfulness.
Just a simple touch, their simple embrace, fills Y/n up with so much desire. The dull ache in the pit of her stomach is hard to ignore and it feels something like hunger. She’s craving the connection that can only be satiated by her lover. This budding lust drives her to reach up and kiss Natasha. They were supposed to just be relaxing for a few hours. Natasha wanted to wait a few hours before they had their fun, but the way Y/n kisses her lets her know that she can’t wait.
She hugs her tighter like she doesn’t want to let go. Y/n’s lips move against hers with a forcefulness. This was a side of her that was unabashedly horny and Natasha likes it. It’s much different from the bright-eyed, shy, and somewhat naïve nature that surrounds her. Natasha wonders how long that is going to follow her until she decides to shed it completely. This feels like a start, the way she takes action and begins to play with the buttons of her shirt while kissing her harder.
“What’s gotten into you?” Natasha asks breathlessly between kisses. She hopes the question doesn’t deter Y/n or slow her down because she’s enjoying this.
“I’ve missed you,” Y/n kisses her, “and I want you.”
Natasha is so turned on that she feels her skin heating up. Y/n eyes are filled with adoration mixed with lust.
“I’ve got something for you. Stay right here for me, okay?”
Y/n nods her head diligently. Natasha kisses her forehead which makes her briefly close her eyes. She gets up off the couch and leaves Y/n sitting there patiently. She’s eager to know what she has for her and she runs down the list of things that she may bring back with her.
Natasha is only gone for no more than two minutes before she comes back into the living room. Y/n’s eyes go straight to her hand and the dildo that she holds. She holds her breath looking at, observing the size and length of it. She was becoming so nervous about taking it, but her pussy only became wetter as the ache inside of her grew stronger.
“Get those panties off.”
Y/n scrambles to obey her. She’s grateful she wore a dress for logistical reasons, but she takes that off too. Natasha didn’t ask for her to take everything off, but she’s not complaining about her going a step further and fully undressing herself. Her nipples are so hard from getting all worked up. The sight of her peering up back at her makes Natasha weak.
“Lean your back against me pretty,” she says as she sits on the couch.
Y/n puts her feet onto the couch and lays back when she feels Natasha’s presence behind her. She rests her head against her shoulder and turns her head to see her. Natasha instantly kisses her once they’re in position. Y/n finds it slightly awkward but is not going to complain about being in her embrace.
Natasha’s strong hand parts her legs and in the process her hand slips against her thigh. She groans when she feels her slicking clinging to her skin. She peers over to look at Y/n’s pussy.
“You’re so wet,” she coos, “I’m gonna take care of you, don’t worry.”
Y/n gasps when she feels the cool rubber toy bump against her skin. Natasha puts it right up to her open but she doesn’t push in. She teases her by rubbing the head against her slippery fold before pressing it against her clit. Y/n squirms from a pleasure she wants to feel more of. Her thighs are nearly trembling at this point.
“Natasha please,” her voice trails off into a whimper. It makes Natasha smirk seeing how needy she is for her to make her feel good.
“Shh, I got you,” Natasha whispers into her ear while pushing inside of Y/n.
She moans loudly at the intrusion of the toy. It’s been quite some time since she’s had anything inside of her and the stretch causes a delicious burn. She sinks deeper into Natasha’s embrace as she works up a steady pace of pumping the toy in and out of her. It feels so good as her walls wrap around it. The length has a curve to it and Y/n feels like it’s made just for her because it hits all the right spots inside of her. She whimpers each time the head pushes deep into her and hits her sweet spot.
Natasha sighs heavily at the sight of her legs split open. She looks so beautiful like this. She litters kisses against Y/n’s neck and jawline. Each kiss seems to make her melt and fill her with. She begins to fuck the toy faster into her after going a little bit too slow for her liking. Y/n looked as if she was trying her best to handle all of the cock inside of her but she was failing greatly. It begins to feel too good and she doesn’t know how to act. She grabs onto Natasha’s thigh and squeezes it hard.
“Oh Natasha! Oh god!” She repeats over and over between broken sobs. She can’t believe how good she feels and that she’s here right now. She’s never felt such euphoria in life until she met her. The intimacy only heightens the please she feels. Natasha’s fingers caress her breast and tease her nipples. Y/n’s skin feels so soft against her touch and she doesn’t want to stop touching her. All that paired with Natasha fucking her overwhelms Y/n.
“That’s it baby. You’re my pretty girl.”
Y/n’s pussy squelches around the cock inside of her. She’s almost embarrassed to hear how wet she sounds. If Natasha wasn’t fucking her closer and closer to her climax then she would be self-conscious. She’s so wet that her slick covers her hand. It makes Natasha delirious feeling that wetness against her skin. The sound of her pussy getting fucked hard and fast fills the room.
“Cum for me. I know you’re close baby. Let go and let daddy take care of you.”
She would be too shy to call her that, daddy, but the name fills her with naughty thoughts. It feels so taboo to hear Natasha call herself that, but she likes it so much that she lets herself moan louder.
All Y/n wants to do is obey her. She thinks about that more than her own pleasure and she wants to make Natasha proud by cumming for her. She really works to make her cum too, moving her hand at a punishing pace.
“I-It’s too much,” she managed to get out, but she’s nearly a blubbering mess.
Her legs get for Natasha as she takes everything her girlfriend gives her. The powerful thrust of the dildo inside can’t distract Y/n from the deep growls she lets out in her ear when Natasha smells her slick. She almost goes feral and it shows in the way she pounds the toy into Y/n’s poor pussy.
Y/n lokos down between her legs for the first time today and lets out a whimper when she sees herself getting fucked. The toy disappears past her folds before sliding out, covered with her arousal. She’s neber been fucked this hard. She’s going to be sore tomorrow morning, but she doesn’t care, it’ll be worth it.
“‘Tasha, I’m gonna cum,” her weak voice gives it away that she’s so, so close/
Natasha feels herself having a mean streak that comes out of nowhere. She quickly pulls the toy out of her before Y/n could cum. She watches in amusement as Y/n throws a temper tantrum and flails her legs. She was on the verge of cumming, how could her girlfriend be so cruel?
“Aw, what’s wrong baby?” She taunts her as she begins to rub the head against her slick folds.
“Please…please,” she repeats desperately. She sounds so pathetic and needy.
“What? You need that pussy filled again?”
Tears slip from her eyes as she nods her head. Her eyes slowly close and she doesn’t watch Natasha push the dildo back inside of her, but the feeling of being stretched out again makes her gasp. Y/n grabs onto her forearm this time, her nails digging into Natasha’s skin in the process. Natasha doesn’t mind the slight sting of her nails, in fact she welcomes the pain. Reducing Y/n to a puddle of nothing but pleasure makes Natasha feel powerful. It’s one of the biggest reasons why she stays. She loves being wanted, it makes her feel all warm inside. And, when Y/n looks at her with that look of admiration, it makes her never want to leave.
“Please! I need it so bad!” She begs again and Natasha doesn’t deprive her for much longer.
She continues with that fast pace before Y/n’s walls are tightening and spasming around the dildo and cumming. All the tension in her body releases itself in just a matter of seconds and nothing else in the world mattes to her.
Her body relaxes against Natasha’s. She nearly forgets where she is until she feels Natasha sliding the dildo out of her. She groans at the empty feeling inside of her but she’s so satisfied that it sits deep into her bones.
“Are you going to let me up?” Natasha asks playfully. Y/n looks like she can stay in this spot for the entire today.
Y/n groans and moves so Natasha can get up.
“I’m gonna run us a bath, okay?”
Natasha draws them a warm bath, filling it with epsom salt and a few bath bubbles. It’s ready in just a few minutes and the two are sitting in the tub together.
“It’s been such a long time since I’ve had a bath like this. Especially with bubbles,” Y/n lightly runs her hands through the water in a playful motion. “This is so much better than showering in a dorm.”
“Ugh…the community bathrooms are the worst thing about college and should be a health code violation or something.”
“Yeah, it sucks. But, I’m hoping to live in an apartment next year.”
“On your own?”
“Maybe. It just depends on what my parents say. I could get one of the on-campus apartments because my gpa is good and I’ll have more seniority, but I’d have to have a roommate or two, and I kind of want to live alone. It’d be fun to live with my friends, but I kind of want to live alone y’know? I’ve never lived alone before and I just want to have some independence for one. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I have to do it someday, so why not do it now?”
Natasha didn’t want to say it out loud, but she’d feel much better about their relationship if Y/n lived in an apartment. She wouldn’t feel weird about coming to see her or like her girlfriend was a little girl. Living in a dorm just makes it just a glaring reminder that Y/n is still so young. She could visit Y/n and stay the night without any problems. The apartment sounds like some good for not only her, but their relationship.
“I had an apartment my senior year with a roommate. If you do live with someone, live with your friends. Yea you guys may argue, but living with a stranger is awful. At least with your friends you can tolerate them more and you wouldn’t be nervous about telling them to clean up and stuff like that. It can be hard at first, especially since it’ll be your first time in a situation like that, but I think you’d adjust well. What about a car?”
“I have my license, I just never had a car. My parents said I really only needed my license for now just in case there was an emergency at home, but it seems like they’re coming around to letting me grow up. I honestly think it’s because of my good grades and I don’t have much of a social life in college. It’s not true, but I guess it’s a good thing if it means they’ll let me have these things. If I have a car then maybe I could get a part-time job.”
These things are major additions to one’s life, but it still feels like baby steps for Y/n. She can’t tell her parents about her relationship yet because she isn’t allowed to date yet. Her parents want her to finish her undergraduate studies before she dates. Of course she didn’t obey that rule, or many other rules. But, not only is she dating someone, she’s dating someone older and takes a trip to the city to go see them. Her mother would have a heart attack on the spot if she found out about it.
“I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do after college a lot lately…”
“Are you planning to go to grad school?”
“Definitely. I’ve met somany people at that convention that continue studying for years. I’ve been looking at some graduate schools closer to the city too. There were some nice people who seemed interested in my research topics. I wish I could just fast forward to that future.”
Natasha felt the same way. She wishes Y/n has at least already a junior going into her senior year or a senior. It would just make her feel a little bit better about this relationship. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s taking advantage of an inexperienced girl anymore.
“It’ll go by faster than you think. My college years flew by, hell even my graduate years feel like they happened ten years ago. So much happens in such a little amount of time, that you’ll miss the simplistic days of doing dumb shit with your friends.”
“Yea, but the freedom you must feel being on your own must be amazing.”
It was true. Being an adult is tough, but there are so many rewarding things that come from the freedom to do whatever she wants. She can hear the envy of her freedom in Y/n’s voice. Natasha knows it’s not from a malicious standpoint, but just from her longing for it.
“You’ll be in the same spot one day, I’m sure of it.”
“I hope it’s the two of us together.”
Natasha lets the silence fall between them as they soak in the water. It soon begins to cool off and Natasha suggests they get out. The cabin is heated well enough that Y/n decides to forgo wrapping the towel around her body after drying off in the bathroom. Never would she have thought she’d be comfortable with someone like this in her life and she loves the feeling.
“What do you want to do now?” Natasha asks as she trails behind her from the bathroom. She has the towel wrapped around her, but Y/n wishes she didn’t.
“I was thinking…” Y/n’s voice was soft and almost too quiet to hear.
“What were you thinking?”
“Maybe…maybe we could do something?”
A smirk forms on Natasha’s face. Y/n is too shy to say what she really wants to say. Natasha finds her shyness so cute, but she wants her to spit it out.
“What? What do you want to do?”
She lets the towel drop to the floor and she walks over to Y/n who is sitting on the couch. She’s towered over Y/n before, but never completely naked. Y/n’s heart races at the sight of her nude body and she can’t pull her eyes away. She can’t believe that thiswoman is her girlfriend.
“I-I wanna…I wanna go down on you,” Y/n finds the confidence to spit her words out. Natasha is sort of shocked, but she’s not going to complain.
“You sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
Natasha simply nods her head before kissing Y/n’s forehead. She lays on the bed while Y/n gets up. She looks so nervous standing there, but her body moves without thinking. Natasha makes her feel so good and more all the time, and Y/n think it’s only the right thing to return the favor. She’s glad Natasha didn’t protest and is allowing her to do this. She crawls between her legs and places herself between them.
Y/n goes over everything she’s learned from Natasha (and some of the videos she sheepishly watched online). She shouldn’t be so nervous, she knows Natasha is going to be supportive of her, but she just wants to do a good job and make her girlfriend feel good. Natasha gives her a nod to go ahead. Y/n knows what feels good for her, so she leads with that.
The moan Natasha lets out when she gives her the first lick makes Y/n feel a little bit bolder. She looks up at Natasha who closes her eyes and rests her head against the pillow. Y/n licks her again so she could get the same reaction. She becomes addicted to the sounds of her moans, she could listen to them forever and that would be enough to satisfy her.
“Just like that princess, you’re doing such a good job,” Natasha coos between a moan. She doesn’t have to guide Y/n or tell her what to do because she’s doing such a good job already.
Her tongue slides over every inch of her sex in exploration before she settles on the spots that elicit the most reaction. Natasha’s hand comes to the back of her head and buries her face deeper into her sex. She lightly grinds her mouth against Y/n’s mouth. She wants so much more, to be a little bit rougher with her, but she doesn’t want to make her nervous so she tempers herself. However, Y/n was the one who was beginning to lose control over her actions. Her tongue moved with a mind of it’s own as she dived between Natasha’s folds and the tip of her tongue teased her slit. She collected Natasha’s arousal on her tongue and hummed at the taste. Her moan sends a vibration throughout Natasha’s body which makes her grab onto Y/n’s hair.
“That’s it…you’re such a good girl,” Natasha can barely get her words out as she pants.
Y/n works harder every time Natasha gives her a compliment. She moves her tongue from her slit and opts for wrapping her lips around Natasha’s clit and sucking on it. She receives the loudest reaction thus far and it makes Y/n feel so proud of herself. Natasha’s hips buck against Y/n’s face and her thighs tremble. The spread wider and wider for her girlfriend and she feels Y/n’s greedy hands grab at her thighs. Her fingers dig into her soft skin a little bit, but she doesn’t care. It just feels so damn good and she’s on cloud nine.
She cums within a matter of seconds, her arousal gushing against Y/n’s mouth and making a mess of her. Y/n grinds her clit against the edge of the bed as she licks Natasha to the point of overstimulation. Her girlfriend mewls helplessly just like she does when Natasha does the same to her. Y/n just feels so insatiable that she could never tease her girlfriend. She doesn’t want to pull away, but she doesn’t have much of a choice when Natasha uses all of her strength to pull herself up. Y/n looks up at her with a glistening face and Natasha crashes her lips against her. The first thing she tastes is the burst of herself all over Y/n’s mouth. The mix of her cum and Y/n’s saliva makes her feel intoxicated. She feels so in love that she can’t think of anything else. She feels so lucky.
“Fuck,” she says between their kiss. It seems like Y/n doesn’t want the moment to end or to stop kissing Natasha. She needs her so bad, she’s hungry for her even as the tiredness sets into her body. “You’re so perfect,” Natasha continues.
It takes a good few minutes before the energy dies down again. The sun had set probably 30 minutes ago, but the two were too tired and wrapped up in each other to care.
Soft snores let Y/n know Natasha is already asleep. The blanket is thrown haphazardly over them, but Y/n is too sleepy to do anything about.
Sleep is about to capture her within a few minutes. She spends these few minutes going over the memory of today like it’s a video tape. She is glad Natasha’s asleep because she doesn’t have the courage yet to fully verbalize her feelings for her girlfriend to her face.
Summary: Natasha Romanoff breaks into your house. Which is weird because one; why is Natasha Romanoff breaking into your house? and two; she’s supposed to be dead.
Warnings: useless lesbians, a tiny bit of angst, some fluff, brief mention of alcohol, therapy, arguments, some mention of past trauma
Word count: 11k
a/n: from the vault. kind of starts off as a crack fic, and then becomes a bit less of a crack fic. one of the first fics i’ve ever written. avengers endgame spoilers and also spiderman no way home spoilers kind of ig..anyways i love natasha <3
Summary: Natasha Romanoff breaks into your house. Which is weird because one; why is Natasha Romanoff breaking into your house? and two; she’s supposed to be dead.
Warnings: useless lesbians, a tiny bit of angst, some fluff, brief mention of alcohol, therapy, arguments, some mention of past trauma
Word count: 11k
a/n: from the vault. kind of starts off as a crack fic, and then becomes a bit less of a crack fic. one of the first fics i’ve ever written. avengers endgame spoilers and also spiderman no way home spoilers kind of ig..anyways i love natasha <3
Summary: Sometimes you forget the rules, luckily you have Natasha to remind you.
Warnings:18+! Minors DNI! r tops but like a bottom, dumbification, degradation, innocence kink
Word count: 1.6k
Your lack of immediate satisfaction of her request causes her to groan and flip you over. “Natasha, come on.” you whine as your body bounces on the mattress. You don’t have time to recover or retaliate before she’s climbing on top of you.
“Give me what I want.” she says with such entitlement dripping from her sultry tone that it makes you almost cum right then and there. She lowers herself onto your face, and, without her having to ask again, you obediently stick out your tongue.
One of her hands is holding onto the headboard as the other holds your head in place. Your hands snake around the back of her thighs and you scratch her lower back, down to her ass, as you try to guide her movements. You enter her with just the tip of your tongue, darting it in and out, licking and teasing her as you feel her arousal cover your chin and cheeks. You know you’re playing with fire. You know you’re only here because she allows it.
She doesn’t waste more words on you, and with just a small sigh of annoyance lets you know she’s disappointed. You’re not doing well enough. Teasing isn’t what she’s asking for. She grabs a firmer hold of you as she fully sits down on your face. You can’t do much else but lay there trying to move your tongue the best you can while she grinds into you. She notices the way your body squirms under her as you try to move your head away when you start to feel pain in your lungs from the lack of air. She reminds you you’ll only breathe when it doesn’t inconvenience her too much. She tells you to remember that always.
She pulls your head back by your hair so she can make you suck her clit. Her breaths are short and laboured as her movements on top of you become erratic. She grinds her wet cunt against your mouth a few more times before she lets out a loud moan and, throwing her head back, finally comes in your mouth.
She lowers her body and straddles your hips before licking her slick off your face. Not giving you time to catch your breath, she crashes her lips against yours and moans into your mouth at the taste of herself on your tongue. She takes control of the kiss, just like she has taken control over everything else in your life, as she starts to grind her hips into you again.
“I want more,” she says before leaving a trail of kisses from your mouth down your jaw, and to your neck. Her teeth sink into the flesh there and you bite your lip so as to not make a sound. She hums in approval of your compliance before sucking on the same spot and licking over it.
You blindly reach your hand out in the general direction of the drawers by the side of the bed. Natasha notices your movements and you wince at the way her elbow digs into your abdomen when she hurls her body onto you to get the strap she knows you’re reaching for. She stops you when you go to put it on, and does it for you instead. You’re surprised by how gentle she is, and try not to let the paranoia take over. She’s just being nice.
She goes to straddle you again, and as she begins to lower herself down onto your cock you hear the way she mumbles disapprovingly under her breath “I have to do allthe work, don’t I?”
“Wait, I can do it. I was going to.” you know she can hear the panic in your voice as you sit up slightly and pull away from her.
Seeing as you moved away, Natasha sits down on your legs instead, looking amused as ever at your response. You feel your own arousal grow again when her wet cunt comes into contact with your bare thighs.
“You’re sure my dumb little baby knows how?” she coos, as she rolls her hips against you.
It’s rare she lets you take control. She never really does. But when she sees the sparkle in your eyes and how adamant you are to prove yourself to her she lets you climb on top and bottom out inside her.
You watch the cock sink into her before your gaze travels up and you take in the view from your position. You’re not used to it, not used to seeing Natasha laying underneath you. Her skin glistens with sweat, her tits moving with the way she breathes. It’s almost second nature to you now, and you don’t even think about it as you lower your mouth to one of her breasts. Your lips wrap around her hardened nipple as you suck it into your mouth. You weren’t expecting the loud moan that Natasha lets out. Her hands shoot to the back of your head as she pushes your face closer. “Just like that, baby.” Praise is not something she gives you often but when she does, it warms your whole body. “Such a stupid, desperate girl. Can’t think of anything other than having my tits in your mouth, can you?” you suck harder and she takes in a sharp breath. “Move your hips.” the sweetness in her voice is gone in a flash when she speaks the next words.
You bring your hips back a little and then push them down again, listening for her reaction. When you hear the satisfied sigh that escapes her lips you do it again. Lifting yourself up, you look down at her as you continue to slowly slide your cock in and out of her. Your gaze is pulled away from her face when you notice the way her tits bounce from how you move. You start to fuck into her, fast. Loving the way her whole body moves like it’s under yourcontrol. Her tits bouncing more and more as you rut into her faster. Your mind is held captive by her perfect body. The sounds that come out of her mouth, the whines, the moans, the way her name slips off her tongue like you’re doing a good job.
“Does that feel good?” you ask. Your tone, entirely too innocent, makes Natasha smile as she pulls you down into a soft kiss. “Yes, baby. Keep going.”
She moves her head to the side before she presses your face into the crook of her neck. You suck on the skin there as you pick up the pace again. Thrusting your cock into her harder as your hand moves to play with her clit. “Are you close?” you mumble the question against her neck.
“Is my pretty girl tired already?” she asks, petting your hair, as she feels the way your movements slow and your breathing picks up.
“I’m close.” you whisper.
“You can cum,” she says as she begins to move her hips into you herself when you stop moving yours entirely. The shock of how easily you were given permission threw you off for a second and made you forget what you were doing. “Oh don’t act so surprised baby, you did good,” she grabs your ass and forces your hips to meet her movements, “Making me feel so good,” you move away from where your head was resting on her shoulder to read her face, trying to see if she’s telling the truth. She lifts her head up a little to press a quick kiss to your lips and nods her head. “Just move your hips a little more, make me cum too, okay baby?”
You nod your head eagerly as you look down between your bodies. Your fingers are playing with her clit, and the cock sinks in and out of her as you begin to move again. She wraps her legs around you pulling you closer.
The way you push into her, and the growing resistance from her as her cunt clenches around the toy causes the pressure against your own clit to increase. The tension inside of you bursts right before she screams out your name and comes around the toy.
You use the little strength you have left to slip off the harness before you lay down next to her. You rest against the pillow and take in all of her. How beautiful she is. How peaceful and kind she looks laying next to you.
She turns to face you and when her eyes open the look in them makes you shiver.
“What’s the main rule?” she asks as she strokes your cheek with her thumb.
Your eyes widen, and your mouth goes dry when you try to speak.
“What’s the main rule?” she asks again, her tone contrasting the loving way her hand holds your face.
“I don’t get to come before you,” you say, your voice quiet.
“Uh-huh.”
“But you said I could.” you try to defend.
“I said you could, but I never said when did I?” you see the menacing excitement in her eyes. Like she caught you in her trap.
“But-”
“Shush,” her grip on your chin tightens, “You broke the rule because you’re just a dense little whore.”
Summary: Your sketchbook is filled with versions of Natasha through your eyes.
A/N: An idea for a drabble that I had while bored at a party. Nothing serious, kinda different, hope it’s still good. Yes, I am procrastinating on my requests with this story :).
You first saw her in a park. Her black leather jacket and red hair stood out to you on the sunny day, she had a coffee cup in hand, sitting on a bench and looking gloomy. She was enticing.
You couldn’t help yourself as you looked at her, the scratching of your pen against the paper started almost involuntarily. You knew who she was, from a few scattered pieces of news about the city’s heroes. Today she looked nothing like it.
The few wisps of hair that broke free from her braid turned into delicate strokes of your pen. Her profile was easy to draw, the turn of her eyebrows and shape of her lips was almost natural to your fingers.
She felt your lingering gaze on her, moving her eyes to you with a daring look to chase you away. It did the opposite, you put on a sheepish smile and walked up to her.
The sketchbook in your sweaty hands caught her attention as you walked closer, she lifted an inquiring eyebrow when your feet came to a stop in front of her.
“I’m sorry, but you are inspiring.” You stated. The weight of her gaze wasn’t unpleasant, but it made you avert your eyes.
She digested your words for a few seconds, her lips parted. “May I see?”
You expected Natasha Romanoff to sound much more confident. You loved the tone of her voice.
There was a respectable distance between both of you as you sat down beside her. You handed her the sketchbook, she looked through the pages until an unfinished portrait of her appeared. The lines copied her features to perfection, making her frown when she saw the gentleness of her own eyes.
“You make a different version of me.” Natasha mused to herself, not taking her eyes off of the drawing. Her lips were pursed in a half-smile.
“I only draw what I see.” Your voice was quiet, your cheeks felt warm. She was much more captivating up close.
______
You’ve known Natasha for about four months. By now, your sketchbook was filled with strokes of ink that formed many different versions of her. Your favorites were the ones where she was distracted; in her own world, she looked the most natural. Drawings of her watching TV, reading a book, brewing coffee, and watering your plants. In each drawing, she was more beautiful than the last. And with each empty page you started to fill, you fell more in love.
Today, you opened the door of your small apartment to her. The image of her standing at the entrance of your home, with her hands in the pockets of her pants and a tiny smirk, was becoming familiar. You felt her nervous excitement immediately, opening your arms to her with the bit of reassurance she needed.
Natasha felt warm against you, her hold was always strong. She always gripped onto you as if it would be the last time.
“Thank you for having me.” Her voice gave away the impression that she thought of herself as a chore you had to do. Her eyes roamed around your home, her steps inside were slow and careful.
“It’s a pleasure, Nat.” She was a privilege, you tried to make her see that.
The nickname raised goosebumps on Natasha’s skin, reminding her why she came. She turned around to you and the words she rehearsed earlier died on her lips as you caught her hand.
“I bought a new one.” You dragged her towards your balcony, glancing back with a proud smile that had Natasha’s heartbeat quickening.
You squeezed her hand, coming to a stop near the many plants you took care of. A smaller one held your gaze, the bright green of the little succulent plant let everyone know it was happy in its new home.
Natasha smiled, touching one leaf with a careful finger. “It’s beautiful.”
Her voice held a tight tone that had you frowning, but you brushed it off. “I need to move it to a bigger pot though, will you help?”
Natasha was happy to agree, she loved how you taught her to appreciate smaller details in life. You both worked wordlessly moving the little plant. You grabbed the pot, and Natasha adjusted the new soil. She took it upon herself to put it in place, being overly careful in holding the plant as she moved it from one pot to another.
Your smile was dazed, she was always enticing. Leaning back on the railing, you couldn’t help yourself from taking the sketchbook from your back pocket and tracing a loose sketch of the scene. The way Natasha was pursing her lips in concentration, holding the plant as if it was the most precious yet fragile thing in the world; it was too good not to draw.
She could always feel when your eyes lingered on her for too long, Natasha felt herself blushing. She put down the plant, that was now comfortable in its new, bigger pot. “Why do you draw me so much?” Her words came but she was unable to look up at you.
“I told you already, you are inspiring.” You kneeled beside her on the floor of your balcony, feeling grains of soil beneath your knees.
Natasha saw her vision get blurry, the leaves of the plants in front of her starting to mold together. If you were to leave, let it be now. It would hurt less. She sucked in a breath, playing the words in her head. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew me.”
She turned around and forced her eyes to meet yours, pursing her lips in a tight smile. “There’s something I need you to know.” She whispered.
“I’ve seen it.” You said with ease, seemingly reading her mind and making the burden feel light. Not long ago Natasha leaked various files of a corrupt organization, alongside those, her own files were released as well. Tales of her past, of the things she’d done and people she’d killed.
Natasha gulped, feeling small under your gaze. Her throat closed tightly. “I’m not pretty.” A tear run down her nose when she averted her eyes. “You shouldn’t put that on paper.”
Your fingers threaded gently through the red waves of her hair, you pulled her to your chest, kissing the crown of her head. She nuzzled your neck, her arm came around your waist with a strong grip that was almost bruising.
“Will you leave?” Her voice was muffled against you, her tears felt warm on your skin. You squeezed her shoulders at the same time her words gripped your heart. You kissed her hair, feeling your eyes sting because Natasha didn’t know any better. For her, an act of love only meant pain afterward.
You pulled away, gentle thumbs wiping the tear tracks from her cheeks. “Never.”
Natasha closed her eyes at your voice, her hands clutching the fabric of your shirt. A shaky breath of relief came from her.
“I only draw what I see, Nat. When I look at you, I only see beauty.” You opened your sketchbook, taking her hand in yours and closing it around your small collection of memories on paper. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” You traced her jaw and the outline of her lower lip before looking down at your most recent drawing of her.
Natasha leaned onto your touch, following your gaze to the sketchbook in her hands. The lines were a bit messy and rough, but her features were light and gentle; the look in her eyes was one she’d never seen before, and the flowing of her hair was perfect on the stroke of your pen.
Placing a kiss on the palm of your hand, Natasha realized that the drawing of the woman holding a small plant in her hands didn’t look so foreign to her anymore. Slowly, your version of her was becoming the one she recognized the most.
—⧗—
Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are very much appreciated. <3
warning: AU, smut, arranged marriage ish, homophobia doesn’t exist, girls can get girls pregnant, language, top!r, bottom!nat, language.
“Yes! Right there!” The blonde moaned as her grip on your hair tightened, bucking her hips into you face.
You curled your fingers inside of her, perfectly hitting that spot that makes her feral while simultaneously sucking her swollen clit.
The woman who’s name is Natasha threw one leg over your shoulder to get a better angle.
“Did I make you this wet?” You mumbled against her cunt, the vibrations bringing her more pleasure.
“Only you.” She breathlessly moaned, feeling her climax approaching.
You reached up with your free hand to toy with her pink nipples. Your lover’s eyes rolling back at the overwhelming sensation.
“I’m-” A scream bubbled out her throat as her arousal dropped down your lips and chin. The sweat on her body making her look even more desirable.
Once her high has subsided, you sensually kissed up her body, leaving purple marks.
You reached her face and kissed her plump lips. A hand held your neck in place, continuing the kiss until you couldn’t.
“I must leave.” You whispered, not wanting to leave the beautiful woman.
“Kingdom duties?” The blonde joked, you could only nod in response.
“Will I see you again?” She questioned, subtle tears appearing in her eyes. You gave her a sad smile.
“I don’t know.” You pushed the loose strands of hair out of her face. Natasha’s arms wrapped around your neck, pulling your face into her cleavage.
“Well then make it up to me.” She mewled out as you gently bit her nipple.
——————————————————————
“She must marry someone, Tony! This kingdom needs another ruler by Y/n’s side. Not to mention, we need a heir.” Steve yelled at Tony, face turning red.
Your advisors all sat around your chair, as you rubbed your head, feeling a migraine forming.
“Y/n is young and one of the best rulers our kingdom has had in ages! Let her live a little.” Tony shouted back, annoyed at his beliefs.
“Silence!” You intervened, becoming agitated as the second tick.
“I will marry when I think I should marry. This is not your decision to make.” You looked around the room, not one person meeting your eyes.
“We’re done here.” You said, watching everyone bow down before leaving.
Closing your eyes, you wondered how on earth your father put up with them.
Your silence only lasted a couple minutes before a servant let himself in.
“My Queen, A lady by the name of Natasha is begging to speak to you. Shall I send her away?” He mumbled, eyes widening as your neck snapped to face him.
“Is she still here?” You asked, receiving a nod in response.
“Go fetch for her, quickly.” You ordered the man, seeing him scurry out the room.
A few minutes go by before the double doors open and walks in your latest lover.
“Leave us.” You told the servant and guards in the room. They all filed out the room. A silence took over the large room.
“What brings you here, Natasha?” You curiously asked the blonde who only stared at you emotionless.
“I want you to know that i’m not a whore and I don’t expect anything from you.” Natasha spoke bluntly, cashing your eyes to widen at her tone.
“What are you talking about?” You stood up from your throne.
“I believe i’m expecting your child.” She told you, your mouth opened in shock as you quickly sat back down.
“What- Are you sure?” You questioned the woman.
“Not 100%, but I do think so. You’re the only person I have ever layed with and I have not bled in three months.” Natasha explained as she slowly walked up to you.
In a flash, you were dragging her down the halls in a hurry. The short woman having trouble keeping up with your long strides.
“What are you doing- Let go!” She exclaimed, failing to get out of your grip.
Busting down the doors to the doctors office, you pulled Natasha in before slamming the doors shut.
“What is the meaning of this!” Doctor Cho asked, getting over the fright of people barging in.
“Check for a child.” You ordered, watching Cho’s eyes widen, before spring into action.
Cho set up a table and gently had Natasha sit on it.
“I am going to run a blood and urine test.” Cho explained as you stood in the corner, not knowing what to do.
Natasha looked at you in hesitation, causing you to cross the room and hold her hand in reassurance.
Once all the test were complete, you now had to wait a couple minutes for Cho to analyze the tests.
“Why didn’t you come sooner?” You asked Natasha, rubbing your thumb over her hand.
“I wasn’t sure if I was pregnant or how you would react.” Natasha responded, her green eyes filled with tears. You brushed them away and kissed her forehead.
“I’m here now.” You mumbled against her hair.
Just then, the door slammed open and your advisors spilled in.
“Is it true?!” Wanda happily exclaimed, running towards you for answers.
“It better not be or so help me God.” Steve hissed out as he paced the room.
“Didn’t you want a heir?” Tony side eyed Steve as they began bickering.
“I wanted a marriage first!” Steve threw his arms in the air as Tony mocked him.
“How did you all find out?” You questioned in annoyance, noticing the number of people caused Natasha to hide her face in your neck.
“The servant told us.” Thor happily sighed out.
“A child is a blessing, My Queen.” Thor informed you as he let out a belly laugh.
“I have the result- woah.” Cho walked in from the back room, seemingly shocked at the full room.
“Natasha, Y/n. You are pregnant.” At the news, you both gasped. The room filled with cheers and hugs.
“What are we going to do?” Natasha looked up to you.
“You two will get married before the public finds out that you are expecting.” Nick, your oldest advisor butted in.
“Don’t look at me like that. You should’ve used protection.” Nick told you, causing you to roll your eyes.
“He’s right. If the kingdom found out i’m expecting our first child without being married, the surrounding kingdoms will throw a fit. They will see me as irresponsible and unfit to rule, the alliance will be in jeopardy.” You softly told the blonde.
“Huh, I’ve always wanted to be a princess, but a queen will have to do.” Natasha shyly joked, bringing your hand to rest on her stomach.
“Long live the queen.” Everyone in the room excitedly chanted.
“Ohmygosh.” You breathlessly whispered as you stared at your wife walking around the kitchen. You were seated on the couch with Wanda and Steve, giving you a clear view of the kitchen.
“Huh?” Wanda replied, breaking her gaze from her book and onto you. She became even more confused seeing you so flabbergasted.
“Hello?” The witch resorted to sticking her finger in your mouth, causing you to dramatically gag and push her away.
“Natasha walks like a penguin.” You finally spit out, a grin forming on your face. Wanda looked towards her direction and giggled.
The Black Widow was waddling.
Natasha officially became seven months pregnant last week. Between her raging hormones and insane cravings, you were feeling bittersweet that there was only two months left.
Steve immediately scrambled to grab his phone and try to record her little waddles.
Keyword. Tried.
“Wanda where’s the camera app?” Steve shoved her book out of her lap and replaced it with his phone.
“It’s right there Steve.” Wanda tapped on the app and pressed record.
Steve quickly pointed his phone towards the redhead and laughed out loud when he realized Natasha was trying to reach for something in the cupboards.
You got up and walked towards the kitchen.
“Whatcha doing?” You sounded out the ‘g’ and leaned against the wall.
“Help me, you tall jackass.” Natasha grunted, on her tippy toes and reaching as high as she can.
Pushing yourself off the wall, you spun your wife around and easily lifted her on the countertops. Her legs were swinging back and forth as she waited. You grabbed the pop tarts and handed them to her.
She grabbed your collar and pulled you in, giving you a thank you kiss. You wrapped your arms around her and leaned on her, choosing to stay with her while she munched on her snack.
“Steve was recording you earlier.” You mumbled into the crook of her neck. Her swinging stopped for a second and then resumed.
“Why’s that?” Natasha’s tone should’ve set you off, but you didn’t care with the way she was scratching the back of your neck. You were content feeling the baby occasionally kick against you.
“Cuz you were waddling.”
Her green eyes hardened as she started down Steve.
Feeling someone stare at him, Steve paused his actions. He was trying to send the video to Tony, but couldn’t find the app.
He looked up and gulped when he caught the eyes of the redhead. Steve looked at Wanda for help, but she was too engrossed in her book. Fearing the worst, Steve gasped and ran out the living room. No doubt heading towards Bucky’s room.
“I still got it.” Natasha smiled and went back to eating.
“Five years ago we lost to Thanos. We lost our friends and family.” Steve spoke to the group surrounding him.
“We won’t lose again.”
Once Steve finished his speech, you left the meeting room and headed to your room.
Thanos would be here any minute, and you’d make sure he paid for what happened on Vormir.
Looking around the room, you could still smell her perfume floating around the room. Soon enough, her scent would be gone and you’d be left with nothing but memories.
The power coursing through your veins was ready to burst, wanting nothing more than to kill the purple giant.
If Thanos had never snapped his fingers, Natasha wouldn’t have had to jump off a cliff to get a stupid stone. You closer your eyes to stop those thoughts.
“He is here.” A voice announced through the intercom, making you freeze. Taking a deep breath, you let your powers engulf you as you ran out your room in search of the titan.
You met up with Steve, Tony, and Thor outside. Opposite of you was Thanos, who was calmly sitting down.
“I showed your planet mercy and let half of you live. I won’t make that mistake again.” Thanos mumbled out, before standing up.
“Where are the stones?” He asked us as he slowly began approaching us.
“Far away from you.” Thor responded before his eyes lit up and strikes him with the hammer.
Tony blasted him and as soon as he stood up, Steve threw his shield at his head.
You desperately wanted the giant to face your justice, but you weren’t willing to risk losing again. Instead you fought off his army of aliens.
Clint appeared from the compound with the glove in his hand, causing your eyes to widen. Thanos took notice and fought his was to Clint.
“You idiot!” You hissed as you ran towards the archer that was now being chased.
“SORRY” Clint screamed before getting tackled by the creatures.
Quickly shooting off the aliens with your heat vision, you watched as they scorched. Running to Clint, you took the glove and ran away from the fight.
But you were too late, as Thanos body slammed you into the ground. The glove skidding across the ground. The force of the impact dazed you as you tried to get up, but stumbled.
Thanos slipped the glove on his hand as you weakly sat up.
“I was told you were stronger.” He grinned at you and lifted his hand.
“I am inevitable.” Snap
Everyone in ear shot froze as they waited for what was to come, but nothing did. He looked at the glove and only then noticed the stones were missing.
The power surging through your arm and into your shoulder was unbearable, but you pushed through it.
“We win.” You weakly grinned back, then snapped your fingers.
Your vision went white for a few seconds while the muffled sounds of your name were being screamed. You dragged yourself to the nearest piece of junk and leaned on it. Thoughts of Natasha flooded your mind and you hoped she knows we won.
The sound of people quickly approaching you brought you out of your daze.
“Oh god please be okay.” Wanda mumbled as she fell to her knees next to your dying body. Tears were rapidly painting her cheeks. She sat next to you and hugged your un-injured arm.
“Don’t cry.” You whispered to the girl.
“Scan vitals.” You heard Tony talk to the A.I and you knew you weren’t making it out alive.
“Why did it have to be you? Damn it Y/n, We could have found another way!” Clint screamed as he leaned his forehead against yours.
“Whatever it takes.” You coughed out, your body getting weaker and weaker by the second.
“Rest.” Wanda cried into your shoulder, hearing your thoughts slowly come to a stop. Clint fell to his knees as he mourned the loss of two of his best friends.
—————————————————————
As soon as you closed your eyes, they were quickly opening. You could feel the sand beneath your body, the sound of waves crashing against each other, and the heat of the sun.
“Where am I?” You stood up quickly. Weren’t you just surrounded by your teammates?
“You’re home.” A voice coming from behind you answered your question. Spinning around, you were met with the love of your life.
“Red?” You gasped out, quickly running to her. Natasha ran towards you as well as she jumped into your arms, her legs wrapping around your waist as her arms wrapped around your neck.
“I’ve missed you so much Nat.” You stared at every detail on her face, feeling like you haven’t seen it in years.
“Me too.” Natasha responded with tears falling from her eyes.
“Did we win?” She asked with that hopeful gleam in her eyes.
“You should just ask her out. She’d say yes.” Wanda continues needling you.
You were all gathering around for the traditional after party drinks with just the team and significant others. Wanda was again encouraging you to ask Natasha out even though you were fairly certain the redheaded super spy only sees you as a friend. As drinks flowed and inhibitions loosened, Clint the shit starter (as you liked to call him) declared it time for a game of Truth or Dare. The rounds go round and everyone is laughing, blushing, and acting goofy.
Warnings:FxF, reader cheats on boyfriend, no real smut but detailed mentions of it, sexy kissing, a couple swear words, bisexual reader, Natasha is sexy, 18+ ONLY,MINORS DNI, not proof read
A/N:My inspiration is obvious but the song is sexy so can you blame me? This is my lil gift to y’all for getting me to my next follower milestone
Warnings:FxF, reader cheats on boyfriend, no real smut but detailed mentions of it, sexy kissing, a couple swear words, bisexual reader, Natasha is sexy, 18+ ONLY,MINORS DNI, not proof read
A/N:My inspiration is obvious but the song is sexy so can you blame me? This is my lil gift to y’all for getting me to my next follower milestone
Natasha’s stuck behind the bar, watching you out of the corner of her eye. This is what she’s done all night so far; watch you like a predator stalking it’s prey. And there you sit, completely unaware.
Just when she’s about to back off, Natasha spots her chance to strike. Your boyfriend of seven months decides to call it a night, leaving you at this party by yourself. Well, not totally by yourself. Because moments after he leaves, Natasha swoops in.
“Michael’s heading out?” She asks casually, setting a drink for you on the countertop. Your favorite.
You nod, giving her a small smile. “Yeah, he’s gotta be up early tomorrow. I’m not ready to go though.”
“So what will you do here all alone?” Her voice is smooth and seductive. You wonder if Natasha’s aware of the effect that voice has. You’re sure she is.
“Text a little, talk a little, drink a lot.” You laugh but you both know it’s not a joke. If you’re honest with yourself, you didn’t stay because you wanted to party. You stayed because you felt a pull. Towards what, you weren’t sure, but you knew that in order to find out, you needed to stay.
Natasha tilts her head the slightest bit, her little smirk never leaving her lips. “But everyone else is dancing. Do you really plan to sit here instead?”
You shrug. “I don’t have anyone to dance with.”
‘Bingo’, Natasha thinks. “Well, we can fix that.” She steps out from behind the bar and grabs your wrist, gently pulling you to the dance floor, leaving no room for argument. Not that you would.
Out on the dance floor, everyone stands close, bodies grinding and swaying to the beat of the music blasting through the speakers. Natasha pulls you close— maybe too close for two women who are just friends. But again, you don’t mind. The pull returns and you smirk, getting a good idea of what’s going on here. And it’s so fucking wrong, but it feels so right. Natasha’s hands stay on you and the two of you dance. Like she wants to hold onto you forever and never let go, selfishly keeping you all to herself.
She leans in closer so you can hear her speak over the sound of the music, her breath tickling the outside of your ear. “Michael does this a lot, doesn’t he?” Natasha probes, knowing the answer already. At every Stark party, every night out with the team, every event, Michael leaves early. The only time he doesn’t leave early is when he doesn’t show at all.
“Unfortunately yes. I think these things just tire him out; being around all these people.”
“He seems tired a lot. And forgetful.”
You frown. Was it that obvious? For the past few months it’s seemed like he forgot everything. He forgot dates and anniversaries. Hell, he forgot your birthday. But you forgave him. You always forgave him.
“Why do you put up with him? You could find someone better.” Natasha purrs right against your ear, her lips tickling the skin there. “I could do it better.”
Your breath gets caught in your throat as Natasha softly presses her lips just below your ear, trailing them down your jaw and down to your neck. The kisses are light and you could easily pull away if you wanted to. You don’t.
“Fuck.” You whimper breathlessly, wrapped around Natasha’s finger before she’s even done anything of real consequence.
Natasha’s kisses become stronger. She is still gentle with you, but everything feels more solid and less like a whisper of what could happen. “I’d remember shit. I wouldn’t leave you alone at parties. I could keep up with you, in every way imaginable.” Natasha isn’t trying to sell you the idea, she’s stating facts. Michael is failing at being a boyfriend. She could do it so much better than he is. You just have to give her the chance to prove it. “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone just like he did, but only if you want me to.”
Your head rolls back, giving Natasha better access to your neck. “God, please don’t stop.”
That’s all she needs to hear. She was holding herself back before, but now that she has you, she’s going to show you why you should stay with her. Natasha harshly presses her lips against your collarbone, sucking on the spot. You can’t see it, but you can feel the vacuum and the tiniest bursting sensations, and you know she’s leaving a subtle hickey. Marking her territory in a way that only the two of you will know. Even in the middle of the dance floor, you’re in your own private world. Before it can go too far, Natasha grabs your wrist once more, leading you away from the party. Once the two of you are further away, she asks “Do you want to keep going?”
You don’t need any time to think about your answer before it comes out as an eager whisper. “Yes.” With her hand around your wrist, Natasha pulls you to the elevator.
—————
Waking up in Natasha’s bed doesn’t bring the guilt that you thought it would. You thought you’d regret it, that you’d look at her and think of Michael and how worried he must be. But when you look over at her sleeping figure, all you think of is how gorgeous she is. How soft her skin felt against yours, how good it was to run your hands through her hair, gripping it in pleasure. Her moans and the words she spoke against your lips and between your legs. The hours you spent exploring each others bodies, taking your time ensuring that you saw and felt every single part.
Reluctantly standing, carefully avoiding waking Natasha in the process, you reach for your phone. Good thing you keep a charger in your purse, since you didn’t go home last night. No messages from Michael. You sigh, but you don’t know whether it’s out of disappointment or relief.
You decide that you might as well make breakfast for the two of you, since Michael obviously isn’t missing you right now. You grab a random shirt off the floor, not checking it first. Once it’s slipped over your head, you catch your reflection in the mirror. This is Natasha’s shirt, not yours, but it fits. It brings a pleased smile to your lips. Not only does the shirt fit, but Natasha fits too. Better than Michael ever did. She was right; she could do it better than him.
—————
If you enjoyed this or would like to read more of my work, please consider liking, reblogging, or tipping my Ko-fi!
requested by anon: hello to my one of my fave blogs here, can u do one with nat x y/n where they are going to a grocery stre and they part way and in snack aisle someone is hitting y/n then nat finds out
warnings:jealous!nat but it’s a little mild lol
author’s note: i hope i got this right anon, thank you so much for requesting! <3
“Should I buy this watermelon?” I asked and turned over my shoulder, showing Natasha the watermelon that was in my hands. The woman smiles at me and nodded as I caught her blushing, sometimes she’s just so adorable whenever she’s flushed.
you must be 18+ to read any of these fics and interact with me. MINORS DNI!
i do not allow my fics to be reposted, translated, or plagiarized at all! do not mention my fics or blog on any public forum other than ao3 and tumblr. do not recreate anything from my fics!
