#sccwriting
Thoughts
It’s another one of those weeks where I end up staring at the screen trying to organise my thoughts to write a blog post and my thoughts have other ideas. All my thoughts are on how I’m cold and tired and how it feels like it’s been a long week. It doesn’t matter how much I try and refocus them in the direction of D/s they refuse. My thoughts obviously know I lack any dominant streak and are taking advantage of it!!
Open
I am a great one for saying communication is important in any D/s relationships. Open and honest communication even if it is a difficult or uncomfortable conversation. A dominant is no more a mind reader than a submissive is. We cant expect each other to know exactly what we are thinking, feeling or know everything that is going on in our lives. Even knowing all this and knowing your dominant creates a safe non judgement space for you to be open doesn’t automatically mean you feel ok about opening up. Sometime we have to just take a deep breath and say what is on our mind because bottling it up doesn’t help you or your relationship.
Distraction
Stress can take a toll on your D/s life. It distracts you and can cause you to push your D/s life aside unintentionally. The problem is the longer it goes on the harder it can be to pull your head back to your D/s even though you really want to.
Are all Dominants…
Are all dominants wind up merchants or is it just mine? He is an expert in winding me up and teasing me not just in D/s ways but in vanilla life as well. Maybe it’s all part of a dominants nature lol
Sometimes….
Sometimes thoughts of a recent play session just make you smile :)
No Focus
No matter how hard I try and focus on writing something about D/s tonight I just cant focus on it. As sad as it sounds, Netflix is holding my attention more than D/s is. The result of what feels like and incredibly long week!
When your Dominant is away
When your dominant is away it’s the perfect opportunity do have a little ‘you’ time. It doesn’t hurt for a submissive to occasionally have time for just herself and the things she enjoys doing. Doesn’t mean we don’t love having our dominants around or don’t follow the rules we have in place while they are away but finding the positive in them being away certainly makes it easier on your mental health. Put on that movie you have been wanting to watch and know he will hate, have a long soak in a hot bath knowing no one will interrupt you, finding the positive and enjoy this time means you will be much happy which in turn should make your dominant happy.
Sometimes…
Sometimes being submissive has it’s downside. Like when you are trying to be serious with your dominant and he just keeping teasing you and winding you up. Almost makes you wish you could slap him! LOL
A Balanced Dominant is…..
One who is happy to leave his marks on you one week and then give you wonderful and comforting hugs the next when you really need them.
Reassurance
Sometimes we all need a little reassurance. Whether it is reassurance that your current struggle with your submission is not causing your dominant to be disappointed in you or the reassurance that you are still wanted and desirable to your dominant. In our heart we can already know these things but occasionally our thoughts override this no matter how hard we try and push them aside. These are the times when just an open and honest conversation with your dominant about how you are feeling and the need for a little reassurance can help. It also doesn’t hurt when your dominants actions also reinforce that reassurance. The insecure thoughts get pushed aside and allow you to realise it is ok to not be feeling full on submissive every second of the day.
Struggle
I’ve blogged before about the struggling to find anything D/s to blog about. For some reason I have been feeling guilty about that of late. Not sure why though as my dominant doesn’t mind what I blog about as long as I do it at least once a week. I am wondering if I am feeling this way because I feel like I am letting him down. My blog is often a way for me to get some of my thoughts about D/s out and provided topics of discussion for us. The truth is D/s has been taking a bit of a back seat recently through no fault from either of us. What I have to remember is that this is what happens in life. Being D/s 100% of the time isn’t what we are about and that is ok. We have a thread of D/s that runs through our life every day so it’s not like there is no D/s at all. Still I am looking forward to vanilla life settling down a little so my head can actually go back to thinking about our D/s more than it has been able to of late.
Toys
You can spend a fortune buying all the toys and gear you think you should have as part of your BDSM play but the price of it doesn’t make it the best toy. Even the least expensive toy can be the best thing you have ever bought. It isn’t how expensive the toy is that matters, it’s how you use it.
Challenge
Presenting your dominant with a challenge may not always be the most sensible thing to do. But it can be a lot of fun lol
Weight loss
Weight loss as a submissive is a great thing. It can impact your play in a positive way but as with all positives there can be negatives. That wonderful collar your dominant put on you as a sign of your submission being his starts to get too big!!
Dominants and sub drop
How do Dominants feel about sub drop? As sub drop can often be a result of an intense session where the sub has completely let go do Dominants feel good when their submissive has sub drop? The other side of that is if the submissive doesn’t’ experience the drop does the dominant feel let down in any way? Just curious as I sometimes feel I haven’t perhaps let go in a session as such as I should if I don’t get drop and maybe have let my Dominant down.
When we feel we are under valued and just being paid lip service in our vanilla lives it can impact your D/s life as well. We can find ourselves thinking why should I bother and it can be difficult separating the two and not letting the negatives of your vanilla life over shadow the positives of your D/s life.
There are so many factors that can affect your D/s play. Sometimes our bodies just don’t react the way we want them to. Things we usually have no problem with can suddenly be tough or impossible to take. Things that normally push our buttons in all the right ways our bodies suddenly don’t react to or react badly to. The more you try and force your body to react as it normally would the less it seems to want to. When this happens and it isn’t the dominants faults, any more than it is the submissives fault. Sometimes our bodies are more sensitive than at other times and we just need to adjust our play a little until our bodies come back to reacting as normal. If this happens try and look for a positive way around it. Try playing in a different way or with different toys, you never know you may just discover new things you both enjoy.
I often talk about how important communication is in D/s. Communication isn’t a one way street it should be something both Dominant and submissive do. It also isn’t something that should only be done at the beginning of a relationship but should be a continual part of any D/s relationship.
Being honest in your communication is also important. Communication isn’t about saying what you think the other person wants to hear, but being honest in expressing your wants, needs, desires and your emotions. It isn’t always easy, or comfortable, but hiding things away that need to be said doesn’t help anyone.
Honest communication between all parties in a D/s relationship helps that relationship grow and develop. We all change to some degree through the years and so do we change during our D/s relationship making that communication just as important after years in the relationship as it did on the first day of it.
Dont ask your Dom what you should write about in your blog. The reply will leave you wondering if he has ever actually read your blog because the suggestions don’t align with the way your blog is written and instead seem to be a way of a way of him winding you up….yet again LOL
SCCWriting is proud to introduce @murseguy!
Have you always know you were submissive?
The short answer, no. I didn’t really know what that meant or entailed. It’s a hard thing for a man to recognize, and accept in himself. I do realize looking back, of course. I have always been attracted to the stronger, more confident women and that I have always been more confident when the woman initiates sex.
How did you meet your Mistress?
She turned over the rock I lived under along with the other slimy, squiggle things. She must have seen some potential in me. Seriously, we met on a small island in the south eastern Pacific Ocean. A couple of us went to grab some lunch, and she was there with a group of her friends. Instant attraction! ***CueRogers and Hammersteins’s, “Some Enchanted Evening!”***
What advice or encouragement would you give other male subs?
Accept yourself as you are, despite what society has told you what you must be. Be man enough to be yourself.
What advice would you give any sub?
Find somebody that you can trust wholly with your submission, someone who is worthy of your devotion. Do not settle for someone other than that because it’s something that you really want. It is better to be alone than misused or disappointed. Now if it’s just a casual play partner, that is a different story!!
What is the one thing you like about the BDSM community?
No matter what your kink of preferences, you will probably find a niche of like minded people.
What is the one thing you would like to see change about it?
I would love to change the fact that there are many that consider themselves experts, keepers of the BDSM faith and if your relationship does not mirror theirs it is not true D/s. They aren’t bashful about telling you all the ways your version is wrong.
Because of historical gender roles, being a male submissive seems like it would be more socially challenging than being a female sub. Has this been the case for you?
For the most part, no.We usually socialize with other dominant women and submissive men. Occasionally, we visit local dungeons with mixed roles. Generally, we have always had good experiences. On the rare occasion that someone at one of these events has had an issue with us, it’s usually a candidate for the “too Dom for you” group.
Blue pill or Red pill?
Oh, come on Orpheus! Ain’t you got a kind of purplish pill in your pocket? Do we have to be one way or the other? I don’t buy into the “Red Pill” dogma. If you have to remind yourself several times a day to make the ‘Red Pill’ choice, doesn’t it seem kind of forced? I am not against self-improvement, but trying to fundamentally change yourself to prove how dominant you are seems a little insecure to me. I think self-acceptance is better than trying to become some prescribed notion of masculinity… just my thoughts, of course. Now these pills…. do they come in suppository form??
Post link
