#self ship quotes
s/i: hey (f/o), nice ass *winks*
awkward f/o: uh, thanks. i grew it myself. *winks with both eyes*
S/I: I’m cold.
Platonic F/O: Just think of (Romantic F/O), it’ll keep your face warm.
S/I: OH MY GOD.
F/O:I wasn’t sure what kind of chocolates you liked best, so I got them all.
S/I:There’s three hundred boxes here!
F/O: I panicked, okay? Valentine’s Day can be very stressful!
F/O: I’ll cook dinner tonight!
S/I: Is that a threat?
Parental!F/O: How could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?
S/I: It didn’t take me the whole day.
F/O, completely serious: So, it’s been reported lately that you do, in fact, have little paw-paws and a little button nose. Do you care to comment?
The cat they’re holding:Mrrrow
F/O:Riveting.
S/I, walking in: Am I interrupting something?
S/I: Hey, about that love letter you sent me.
F/O, nervously:Yeah?
S/I: The fourth sentence-
F/O: Yes, that’s where it gets pretty emotional and-
S/I: You forgot a comma.
F/O: So, do you have any feelings of anxiety or depression?
S/I: Ha ha, don’t we all?
F/O:No.
S/I: … Oh.
S/I: You flirt and kiss and for what? Love??? Pathetic.
F/O: To level up my charisma stat.
S/I: Ah, a gamer. You may pass.
F/O, over text: turn around :)
F/O: no the other way
F/O: wrong way again
S/I: where are you?!
F/O: at home, but the idea of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me
Parent!F/O, lightly nudging S/I with their foot: (S/I), move out of the way please so I can get through.
S/I: You KICK (S/I)? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for (Parent!F/O)! Jail for (Parent!F/O) for one thousand years!
S/I: Yeah I give up. I’m tired
Platonic!F/O: I’ll go get the emergency supply!
Platonic!F/O: *Brings (F/O) into the room*
S/I: AND I AM BACK LET’S GOOOOOOO
F/O 1, posting selfies on the beach: Looking great! Living my best life!
S/I: Is that (F/O 2) drowning in the background??
F/O 1: This isn’t about them.
S/I: (F/O) figured out they can put sticky notes on people’s backs
S/I: They don’t know the notes are supposed to say stuff like “kick me” so they only have animal facts on them
F/O:Carpe diem.
S/I: Fish of the day?
F/O:*picks up S/I* you are small.
S/I: Don’t call me small, I once killed a man because they said I was too short for the roller coaster.
F/O: I know this and I love you.
S/I: Hey! F/O! Do the thing!
F/O:…*blep*
S/I: AAAAAA! <3 <3 <3
S/I: I love you
F/O: no you don’t! I’m a terrible person! You SHOULDN’T love me!
S/I: no, you’re a big baby that needs love and affection!
F/O:*whining* I’M NOT A BABY!
Teacher: Your children have been misbehaving all day! They even fought several kids on the playground today-
Parental F/O: Oh no! Did S/I get hurt?
Teacher: y-you’re only concerned about S/I?? What about Sibling F/O??
Parental F/O: Sibling F/O is tough, they can walk off anything
Teacher: Um yeah, about that, S/I is fine, but one of the older kids kinda snapped Sibling F/O’s Leg-
Sibling F/O:*takes a bite out of their sandwich* … S/I, what is this?
S/I: A peanut butter sandwich.
Sibling F/O:*opens sandwich, revealing butter and peanuts* … This isn’t a peanut butter sandwich!
F/O 1 to F/O 2: S/I SAID IT’S MY TURN FOR THEIR LOVE AND AFFECTION!
Platonic F/O: Uh… S/I… are you holding my hand???
S/I:sorry-
Platonic F/O: nonono, it’s fine, just making sure that’s what you were doing. No one has held my hand since I was 3.
S/I: huh, well, that’s sad.
S/I: you sure you’re not tired
F/O:*half asleep* I’m wide awake…
S/I:*raises an eyebrow*
F/O:*takes a sip of tea and passes out*
S/I:*walks in*
F/O: NO, STAY OUT OF MY ROOM! I’m still trying to comprehend your previous act of stupidity!
S/I: EATING SOUR CREAM & ONION DIP BY ITSELF IS NOT STUPID-
F/O:*Is taped to the ceiling*
S/I: F/O, what are you doing?!
F/O:Nothing.
S/I: I can see that, but what are you doing on the ceiling?!
F/O: like I said, nothing.
Villain F/O: –And then I will control– no, I WILL RULE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Villain F/O: How was that one babe?
S/I: That was your best monolog yet, honey! Now that you’ve finished rehearsing, don’t you think you should go catch that hero?
Villain F/O: Right, of course! I’m off to spread evil and hatered! I Love you! *exits the room*
S/I: can I have a sip of- wait, that isn’t soda, is it?
F/O: it’s barbecue sauce
F/O:*throws a jar of peanut butter into the Living Room out of anger/distress*
S/I: Do you want me to open that?
F/O:*continues trying to open the peanut butter* NO! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!
[10 minutes later]
F/O:*crying* S/I, I need help!
