#self shipping quotes
F/O 1 to F/O 2: S/I SAID IT’S MY TURN FOR THEIR LOVE AND AFFECTION!
Platonic F/O: Uh… S/I… are you holding my hand???
S/I:sorry-
Platonic F/O: nonono, it’s fine, just making sure that’s what you were doing. No one has held my hand since I was 3.
S/I: huh, well, that’s sad.
S/I: you sure you’re not tired
F/O:*half asleep* I’m wide awake…
S/I:*raises an eyebrow*
F/O:*takes a sip of tea and passes out*
S/I:*walks in*
F/O: NO, STAY OUT OF MY ROOM! I’m still trying to comprehend your previous act of stupidity!
S/I: EATING SOUR CREAM & ONION DIP BY ITSELF IS NOT STUPID-
F/O:*Is taped to the ceiling*
S/I: F/O, what are you doing?!
F/O:Nothing.
S/I: I can see that, but what are you doing on the ceiling?!
F/O: like I said, nothing.
Villain F/O: –And then I will control– no, I WILL RULE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!
Villain F/O: How was that one babe?
S/I: That was your best monolog yet, honey! Now that you’ve finished rehearsing, don’t you think you should go catch that hero?
Villain F/O: Right, of course! I’m off to spread evil and hatered! I Love you! *exits the room*
S/I: can I have a sip of- wait, that isn’t soda, is it?
F/O: it’s barbecue sauce
F/O:*throws a jar of peanut butter into the Living Room out of anger/distress*
S/I: Do you want me to open that?
F/O:*continues trying to open the peanut butter* NO! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!
[10 minutes later]
F/O:*crying* S/I, I need help!
F/O: S/I texted me ‘your adorable’
F/O: and I said 'No, YOU’RE adorable’
F/O: now S/I likes me and we’ve been on two dates now.
F/O: And all I did was point out a typo.
F/O: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
S/I : Wow, They sound stupid.
F/O : But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
S/I : Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
F.O : I guess you’re right. Hey S/I, I love you.
S/I: See! Just say that!
F/O: Holy fucking shit.
S/I: If that flies over their head then, sorry, but they’re too dumb for you.
F/O: S/I.
S/I: *doing something stupid*
F/O: you are going to seriously hurt yourself
S/I: i’ll be fiiiiine
F/O: should i call the ambulancenow?
S/I: probably
(S/I is sick)
F/O 1: Oh you poor dear. What’ll make you feel better?
S/I: Ice cream…
F/O 2 (or platonic F/O): No it won’t. You’re lactose intolerant. It will literally only make you feel worse.
S/I: I know but like… emotionally.
F/O:you’re a melody in my head that I can’t get out
S/I: jfc just say shawty
S/I: who the actual fuck
F/O:language!
S/I:whomst the actual sexual intercourse
F/O:what the fuck
F/O: Hi, S/I!
S/I, internally:There they are, they’re here, my favourite person in the world, the love of my life. god, I just want to stare at them and hold them for the rest of my life
S/I, out loud: What the FUCK do you want
S/I: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
F/O 1:Rude.
F/O 2: That’s fair.
F/O 3: Not again.
F/O 4: Are you going to want this back or can I keep it?
S/I: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.
F/O: I worry about you.
S/I: Do you understand the plan now that I’ve explained it for 15 minutes?
F/O:Yes!
S/I: Are you lying to me?
F/O:Yes.
Villain!F/O: Can I ask you for something?
S/I: Sure. What’s up?
Villain!F/O: could I have pashets. Hespats. Despat. (progressively gets angry flustered)
S/I: (pats villain!F/O’s head) Sure you can!
F/O: How much do you love me?
S/I: So much.
F/O: On a scale from 0 to burgers?
S/I: Burgers. With bacon.
F/O: You’re the one.
