#seo youngho

clarity | johnny | oneshot

pairing: johnny x reader

coffee type: americano (pre-ordered)

bean count: 2.3k+

a/n: hello my beans! i’m back with a pre-ordered americano from this lovely request! this is pure americano so lemme know if this leaves quite an aftertaste

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being alert was a trait you were proud of. reliant came after, then maintenance. put those together you felt like you were useful to anyone you meet. you were praised because of it, thankfully your nose didn’t grow long- you were too humble.

though when there were good traits, there were definitely bad ones. and that… you’d rather not discuss.

the meeting you had at the law firm all morning finally ended that you were on the way for lunch when your new junior approached you. ah, here we go again. “miss y/n, that’s the man who’s been calling, asking for you for days. aren’t you going to talk to him?”

you licked your lips to moisten them, hearing the same greeting from her. how many times did you have to repeat yourself? “miss joanne shin, i appreciate that you’re doing your job. but i’ve already told you i’m not interested.”

“alright.” she sighed, “but please do tell him that personally. the more he calls here, people may think you have owed someone money.” gesturing to the desperate guy with her head point.

golly, golly, if only she knew. can’t help it though, she’d only been here for three months.

as she strolled off for her lunch, you took your id and scanned it on the reader before walking out, completely ignoring the loud constant calls of your name.

“y/n!” he called out, his echoes spreading through the vast ceiling but you continued on walking towards the entrance of the building.

you could feel eyes shooting daggers from fellow colleagues, clearly not oblivious to what they were witnessing. the man’s been visiting on and off for almost two weeks and you were still confused to why they didn’t even bother to ask him to leave you alone.

your ears heated up, you were becoming embarrassed.

before you could completely avoid it, he finally got a hold of you, just a few meters away from the automatic door. “y/n.”

“what is it now john?” you asked in a slight irritated, tired tone. “why are you here?”

“i’ve been messaging you since last month but you just shove me off.” he stated blantly. “i called and you still ignored me so i figured i’ll just come here myself until you gave in.”

“well are you happy now?” you attempted to pull away from his grasp. “do you mind? i have to go for lunch.”

“please can we just talk?” he sounded desperate as he pressed his lips, waiting for an answer. his face serious and it was intimidating, just like before.

your eyes looked to the side to see your department leader and his friends staring in shock. combing your hair with your free hand, you reluctantly said, “fine.. but not here.”

you and johnny walked to a secluded corner of the outside the building, a blind spot for any bystanders who walked pass. the air and atmosphere was already tense back there, and the fact that you were now both alone brought the tension much heavier. this conversation was going to be heated, for sure. it was awkward, you and him having a staredown. and it wasn’t unnoticeable that both pairs of eyes were twinkling so much like glass, having mixed emotions curling up inside, ready to set off. the surroundings were quiet for a while.. until you first broke the silence.

“ok, talk.”

“what happened between us, y/n?” johnny asked straightforwardly as he put his hands in his back pockets. “i know we broke up a few months ago and we’re basically strangers at this point..”

“we really have to talk about this now-”

“yes.” he cut you off, “i want clarity and it’s about time that this comes to light. also it’s been too long, grace period’s over.”

“ah so you’ve been counting.” you flared your nose, he was pushing it. “okay, i wanted some time alone. focus on myself-”

his chuckle made you look at him with furrowed brows. “seriously? are you trying to hide it?”

“hide what?” you crossed your arms.

“that you still love me.” he brought up ever so smoothly. “until now you’re still being indenial.”

you curled your tongue, looking up at the sky. “i don’t, okay? what happened between us was shortlived. we just weren’t meant to be.”

“so all those i love you’s, hugs, and kisses meant nothing at all?” he asked and you nodded almost instantly. that immediate answer tugged a painful string in his heart. how could you easily throw away everything? he didn’t understand why before and even up til now he was still left in shambles, confusion, and anger.

as stupid as it sounded and just like a high schooler, he was still so madly in love with you.

but you were as hard as a rock.

“you couldn’t even answer.” his scoffed silently, he didn’t like the fact that you were giving him the silent treatment. just what did he do to make you so distant from him? “well? what’s the reas-”

“i can’t handle the stress anymore, okay?” you finally spoke, “i distanced myself because it was too much.”

he closed his eyes. he wasn’t the type to succumb to anger in public. however, something in him irked wanted to burst out. just get straight to the point.. “too much of what, exactly?”

“you.. us.. your parents.. this damned workplace!my g-” you listed out as you covered your face with your hands frustatedly for a second before combing your hair back, giving yourself another second to hold it together. “your parents don’t like me, alright?”

johnny furrowed his brows, why did you bring his parents into this mess? they treated you very nicely during your first meeting when you guys were dating. if anything, they actually respected your relationship. “don’t bring my parents into this.”

“oh and why not?” you tsked. “your parents clearly wanted wendy as your potential partner because of her family, education, and career background. she’s the full, perfect package.” you licked your lips and you felt your eyes start to sting. “while me? i’m just a middle class-undergraduate-receptionist trying to make ends meet. i’m just a stamp!”

johnny squinted his eyes, waiting for you to continue.

“everyone else here looked forward to the ceo’s.. correction, your engagement with her until they found out you were dating me and-” you sighed. “i never felt so humiliated in my life.”

“wendy is just a friend, y/n! she even knows about us dating and is fully supportive. who cares what others think?” johnny tried to connect the dots. sure you felt inferior, but what mattered was his feelings for you and your feelings towards him. not of his parents or other people. he loved you too much that he’d do anything to be with you. “we talked about this before.”

“i know.” you looked at him intently, “but did you ever-”

“that’s why i proposed, right?” he said, clenching his jaw. “they can’t do anything if we’re engaged.”

this pissed you straight off the bat, “yeah but in secret!? are we really pulling a romeo and juliet act here? did you even-”

“i was fighting for our relationship, y/n!” he tried his best not to shout in order to not startle you and attract any attention because the raising voices made a few look his way. “you knew i needed time!”

“by hiding me? is that your solution!? how is that fighting for us when i’m always in the shadows-”

he shook his head and pointed at you with a pained expression, “damn it y/n, did you even try to fight for us!? a relationship is two-sided, not one! and in our terms it seemed like i’m doing all the work!”

you grunted in anger and your tears were on the edge of falling, you approached him mirroring his action. “don’t you assume i didn’t do anything-”

“then how do you explain-”

you had enough. “will you just shut your damn mouth for a second!? i’m trying to explain things but you’re always cutting me off! if you aren’t listening to anything i have to say, don’t even bother wasting my time!”

your pride was hurt as walked pass by him. did everything have to go his way? did he even bother hearing you out? your shoulder bumped into his arm that didn’t even make him budge a bit. however, he wasn’t wrong though.. you still loved him. you were just afraid of the obstacles in your way, scared of judgment and people’s comments that a ceo and receptionist were unmatched.

“i heard something from jae, y/n.”

“john, why the hell do you keep pestering me-“

“is it mine?”

you stopped in your tracks. you bit the bottom of your lip and johnny didn’t miss the small gesture of you holding your stomach, like how you didn’t miss his little voice crack when he asked that question. “w-whatever you mean?”

“don’t try to avoid the conversation.” he turned you around to see you looking elsewhere. “the other reason why you broke up with me was because you’re pregnant.”

“stop.”

“no.” he sternly said. “how far along are you?” he asked with that same cold, yet gentle tone he had earlier with his many questions. looking at your belly before looking back at you, your face was a face he held so dear and loved. it’s crazy how it changed in the span of five minutes of talking.

“john.”

“why didn’t you tell me?”

“johnny, please stop.”

“is the baby mine-”

“the baby’s gone!” you looked at him, voice slightly quivering, but not enough to break down in front of him. johnny’s hold on you loosened, his fierce eyes that was staring at you softened as you replied meekly. he didn’t say a word and just waited for you to answer; if you actually wanted to. “our baby’s gone..” ah those three words hit like waterfall that your tears made its way out completely. you hated this, it was one of your bad traits. and you hated the fact that you were like this in front of johnny.

but he however, didn’t care if you were vulnerable. in all honesty, he actually preferred you being that because it showed him you had a heart instead of putting up a strong front that you tried so hard to maintain.

he didn’t say anything, only moving you closer to his chest to embrace you in a hug, even if you didn’t return it. he actually missed having you in his arms, where he would protect you from anything.

you knew his little gesture of hugging- soft, warm, loved, and protected. your mind’s a mess that you couldn’t think straight. you knew this action was to make you feel protected, knowing his childhood dream was to be a hero of some sort.

unfortunately, he only had you to protect where there were supposedly two.

you and him stayed like that for a few minutes before letting go, to avoid any other people seeing the two of you together when news broke out that you had ended the relationship earlier this year.

“four months.” you replied to his question. “well, i was..” you sniffed then wrapping yourself with your arms. “i was on my way to work, telling you through a phone call was the plan but i was pulled aside by your mom’s secretary. said that she wanted a word with me.”

“my mom? out of the blue?” johnny’s brows met. his mom wasn’t the type to meddle in his relationships but why was that she was so nosy with just this one before realizing it was you.

“she somehow knew i was pregnant because she apparently saw me being cautious in large crowds, holding my stomach as if i was protecting something.” your face squeezed when you felt the waterworks never planned on stopping. “she knew we were secretly engaged and she slapped me for doing something indecent when you were the face of this company.”

johnny sighed quite loudly, obviously upset with the fact his mom would do that. “let me guess, she offered you cash to leave me alone? and you took it?”

“i didn’t take the cash don’t you worry.” you reassured, “she had used force to give me a suitcase full of it. when i resisted, i.. lost my balance and fell.” you cried and wiped your face with your cardigan. “blood came out and i lost the baby soon after..”

johnny pressed his lips and carressed your back. “john, that was only way to prove our love was real and that i didn’t use you for money. i’ll never do that. you were abroad for a business trip and i couldn’t contact you.”

“you should’ve at least told me when i got back, i would’ve protected you and dealt with them personally.” johnny sighed sadly. “we can make this work again, y/n.”

“and if you did that i wouldn’t be here.” you sadly claimed, “your dad warned me if ever i told you, i’ll lose my position. i won’t be able to pay my father’s debts on drugs.” you hiccuped. “look, if anyone sees us i’ll be off my job soon. we have to stop this, johnny.”

“and lose you in the process?” he groaned, holding your arms. “i already lost the baby. i can’t lose you too.”

you shook your head, walking a few steps back before your back faced him. “you wanted clarity, right? now that i’ve told you everything, our conversation’s done. there’s nothing left to discuss.”

johnny didn’t like this, he knew there was more to it. the reason why he kept chasing you all this time even if you had broken up was because he was still in love with you. he didn’t like to see you torture yourself unknowingly when you were already suffering more than before. first the relationship, the people, the baby et cetera. it was burdensome and johnny just wanted you out of those griefs. and besides, there was one more thing he wanted to clarify.

“y/n.. do you still love me?”

you turned around and smiled, one that tugged his heartstrings ever so painfully.

“i do, johnny. i reallydo.. but loving you hurts. that.. i’m very clear about.”