#seonghwa

sanhwaiting:

12 days of gifmas, day 12 ☃️:
seonghwa ✧ aurora stage compilation
↳ merry christmas anon !!

⇢ Pairing: bf!Seonghwa x gn!Reader x bff!Yunho
⇢ Genre: Angst
⇢ Warnings: Mention of anxiety attack, brief mention of relationship trauma
⇢ Word Count: 1,322
⇢ Synopsis: When you think things are going well, they are not.
⇢ A/N: Sometimes you just need to create to heal. Most times you just want a hug.

From the moment you step into the store, anyone can see your giddiness. You are excited about your secret plans for the night. You’ve been seeing Seonghwa for a few weeks now, and you want to surprise him with dinner. After making a joke that you can’t cook, you admitted you could, in fact, make at least one good dish. He was intrigued and expressed that he would love to try it. Therefore, you decided to treat him the night after that conversation took place. Needing ingredients, you dragged along your friend, Yunho. He happily agreed to come only after mentioning he’d still be salty that he doesn’t get to eat any of it. He can’t say no to you when you seem so ecstatic about it.

“So how was your date last night?” Yunho asks, watching you scan the shelves of food.

“It was so good. Seonghwa took me to this nice restaurant near his apartment,” You answer and briefly look over at your friend with wide, guilty eyes, “I felt bad ordering anything because everything was so expensive.”

“He clearly didn’t mind spending the money on you. He’s the one who took you there.”

“I know, but I still felt bad. Afterward, we went back to his apartment and continued watching that show we started last week.”

You finally settle on a jar of sauce and place it in your basket. Yunho follows you to another aisle as he continues to ask about your new relationship.

“How do you rate him on a scale from one to ten, compared to the other guys you’ve dated?”

You hum thoughtfully, looking off into space as you think. This new guy is nice, patient, funny, and supportive. He loves hearing you talk about your hobbies and interests and the sparkles in your eyes when you do. He reassures you that being yourself is all he wants, and you’re thankful you’ve found someone like that. Over the month of dating him, you don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you think he is the one.

“He’s a ten.”

“Wow, he must really treat you right,” Yunho smiles seeing you light up.

“Mhm,” you agree and continue looking for the right noodles.

But something stops you. Your phone rings in your pocket, and you quickly pull it out. It’s Seonghwa.

“Hello?” You chirp.

“Hey, are you busy right now?” He asks, his voice not filled with the same glee.

Your eyes shift to Yunho, who is studying your face as it falls.

“No. Is something wrong?” You ask, heartbeat picking up.

“Um, I’ve been thinking about this all day, and this is a really hard decision for me to make. I don’t think this will work out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.”

You turn away from your friend as panic starts to hint in your voice, “Did I do something wrong? Is it me?”

“No, it’s nothing you did. It’s me. You are a beautiful, smart, and adorably silly person. Please, believe that. But I don’t think we share the same ideas.”

You try to suppress the sobs that are building up in your chest and clawing their way up your throat. Once a sniffle breaks your silence, Seonghwa sighs into the receiver.

“I really didn’t want to do this. I’m really sorry. I just don’t see a future with someone who isn’t on the same page as me.”

One of your hands comes up to cover your face while a quiet sob breaks through.

“I hate hearing you cry,” he says with a sniffle, “I wish I was there to hug you.”

Although he is breaking your heart, you really wish he was too.

You begin to ramble, “I’m sorry. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate you giving me your time when I know you’re busy. I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be sorry. I really did enjoy hanging out with you and getting to know you. You’re such a sweet and cute person.”

You sit in silence save for your sniffs and attempts to stop crying. Your mind is blank. What is there to say? You don’t want to beg him to stay with you. You don’t want to be that crazy person who can’t let go. Only one word comes to mind.

“Okay.”

“I’m really sorry,” he says.

“It’s fine. It’s okay. I understand.” You shake your head, mostly to convince yourself of your own words.

“There is someone out there for you; someone who will match your energy. You really are an amazing person.”

For a moment, the call is filled with sounds of you desperately holding back your tears.

“I won’t keep you any longer. You should go be with friends, so you’re not alone. Again, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine. Have a good night.”

The line is quiet. It kills you.

“Bye,” you manage before hanging up. Your body collapses until your knees are hugged to your chest. A gentle, large hand rests on your back and rubs up and down soothingly. A sob racks your body. Your hands curl tightly into fists.

“I’m so stupid,” you whisper.

“No, you’re not,” Yunho reassures you.

“He said he couldn’t see a future with me because we don’t believe the same things. Nothing seemed like an issue. We never argued over anything. I feel so stupid. I was so vulnerable in front of him and told him things I haven’t told anyone else. I’m so fucking stupid.”

A pair of arms wrap around you, your face burying into Yunho’s chest. The grocery store you’re in is long forgotten as you cry into his shirt.

“Why do I keep regretting being myself?”

“Don’t,” Yunho murmurs in your hair.

“Why can’t I finally have happiness? Why can’t anything ever go right for me?” You bawl, “I wanted to believe he was different from the others, but all he has done is prove he is just the same.”

“There is someone meant for you, and it isn’t him.”

“He said the same thing.”

Yunho’s body becomes frigid with guilt. There’s no way he could have known, and that’s just something people say to the brokenhearted. You don’t fault him for that.

“I had an anxiety attack last night when he wanted to do things. I told him about my fucking baggage. He was so understanding and sweet about it. He has been the only one to actually care about how I feel. I literally cried in front of him telling him my trauma. Who the fuck breaks up with someone after that?” Your sobs come harder, “When I left, he said he was grateful that I was comfortable enough with him to tell him those things. All he wanted was for me to be comfortable with him.”

“Then he’s just an asshole. If he can’t look past your differences and actually appreciate you, he isn’t worth your time. At least it ended before you grew even more attached,” Yunho says, his hand softly massaging your head.

“I just want to be happy.”

“You will be. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it will come in time.”

You don’t argue with him, mostly because you’ve become exhausted from crying. He lets you calm down in his arms. When you finally lean away, Yunho’s eyes flit around your flushed, puffy face. His nimble fingers brush back some of your hair.

“I guess we should put all this stuff back,” you say defeatedly, looking at your basket.

“We can still make it. I can appreciate your cooking more than he ever could.”

Tears flood your eyes again, and a small smile tugs at your lips. “Thank you…” you sigh, numbness being expelled from your body with the exhale, “My head hurts now.”

“We can get something for that,” Yunho says with a little laugh as he takes your hand to help you stand.

ok last one but i need yall to know that seonghwa put his whole seonghwussy into his high notes in utopia and that bitch nailed every single one

i saw ateez last night and i honestly cannot stop crying. it is probably the best thing that happened to me in years. seeing them in front of me made me realise how lucky us atiny are to have them. they are the purest souls you could ever meet. and yesterday while hongjoong spoke about how they would always be there whenever we will need, no matter who we are or what we do, it made me realise that i don’t need anyone but them. i never knew it was possible to find that amount of comfort and love in somebody. the 8 of them make me the happiest everyday. i am and will be forever grateful for them. we already express how thankful we were yesterday but if i could do it over and over, i would. it was the most beautiful night ever and i’m really sad it went that fast, looking now at all the pictures and videos i took makes my heart and my head full of love. i deeply miss them already.

i’m seeing ateez in 9 days FUCK

Commissions I got to do

♡︎Park Seonghwacybericons!¡

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Today is a worldwide holiday

It’s been a year since this iconic selfie