Pairing: Seonghwa x Reader

Word count: 1043

Genre: Romance | Gang AU

Summary: Seonghwa would never get on his knees for anyone… but you’re not just anyone to him.

Warnings: Gang involvement | Gun involvement | Implications of cheating

Masterlist|Buy me a coffee?

[21:38]

As Seonghwa stands in front of you, you realise that now, with a gun in your hand and ten others being aimed right at his head, that he may just be way stupider than you had originally thought. 

“I told you never to step foot in this building ever again,” you spit as your arms cross over your chest. 

“And I told you that I’d never stop trying to get you back,” he argues without missing a beat. Seonghwa’s eyes remain glued to yours even when one of the many men in the room press the barrel of his gun to the back of his head. 

“You’re so fucking dumb, Hwa,” you scoff. As much as you’d love to admit that he’s being extremely rash—which is completely unlike him—and also borderline suicidal with the way he had barged into your base without much of a plan and only a gun with fifty bullets, you can’t help but also see just how far Seonghwa would go just for you. 

“It’s stupid and you know it is,” Seonghwa starts, “I told you that nothing in this world could keep me away from you and, for once, it feels like God is on my side.” 

“God definitely wasn’t on your side when you decided to fuck Sex-on-legs from the bank, now was He?” you counter. 

You’re a person who holds their ground well, stubborn almost, but Seonghwa knows you have every right to. And the fact that you never falter when you’re determined is what he loves the most about you.

This man has tens of thousands of men all over the world who are listening to his every command, waiting for any order that Seonghwa gives out. He’s definitely not stupid. 

No, God no. 

Seonghwa is smart and he knows he is. That man is powerful and he knows that he is. He also knows very well that he’s more handsome than most and that fact alone makes him want to vomit. 

But you never cared about his status or his looks. You just liked the fact that Seonghwa cared about you enough to actually kill for you. You liked the fact that Seonghwa would do anything to make you feel loved and you liked the fact that you could trust Seonghwa not to fuck the next moving object just because he felt like it—you liked falling in love with him. 

Every little thing you’d learn about him was just one more thing to love him for. He never failed to remind you just how much he loved you. He never failed to remind you just how safe you were in his arms. God forbid anyone tried to stand in his way because Seonghwa never failed to put a bullet in the skull of anyone who tried to hurt you. But from one boss to another, you knew that it just wasn’t safe for the both of you to be as in love as you were because love blinds you. Especially when Seonghwa was once one of the most wanted bachelors in the business. 

And when you come home to Seonghwa begging you that he fucked up, it was a drunk accident and that he knowsthat there’s no way he can ever make up for it, you didn’t even argue. You didn’t even take your belongings. All you did was turn around and leave, sheltering yourself in your office for the night as you tried to gather your thoughts into a coherent mass in order to make a decision. 

“Apologies will never make up for what I did to you, (Y/n),” he continues when you seem to be giving him time to speak. “And I know that I don’t deserve you, but god please. Give me one more chance.” 

“How am I supposed to know that you won’t just do it again?” you raise an eyebrow. 

“You have every right to shoot me in the balls if I do,” Seonghwa states. You stare at him for a moment. Breathing out slowly, you take a step closer towards him.

He’s a man of pride. 

“Show me how much you love me, then.” It’s a simple order, but you know what extent Seonghwa would go to in order to prove anything to you. 

Seonghwa’s expression falters for a moment, but he doesn’t hesitate to fall to the ground on his knees in front of you. His gun is slid to the other side of the room and under the boot of one of your own goons. You almost lose your composure right there at the sight of Seonghwa completely submitting himself to you in front of the people who follow your every word. 

“I would never get on my knees for anyone else and you know that,” he says softly, “you know that I am a prideful man. I would never get on my knees for anything; even if it meant saving my people. But you’re everything to me, (Y/n). I would scrape my knees on the ground if that’s what it takes to love you. I would put myself in a burning building if it meant being able to hold you in my arms. Throw me around like a dog and I’ll still come back as loyal as ever, my love. I’d marry you right here, right now, if you’d let me.” 

You feel yourself keening at his words. Seonghwa always knew exactly what to say; which is why you had actually made your decision long before he even stepped foot in your office.

“Get off of your knees,” you order, to which he complies instantly. “Never get on your knees for anyone ever again,” you scoff. 

“Only for you, my dear,” he chuckles. 

“I’m a fucking fool for this, aren’t I?” you sigh as you step even closer to take his hand. Seonghwa immediately wraps the other around your waist to pull you closer. 

“I must be an absolute idiot for doing what I did to you then.” He raises your hand to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles. “I’ll do better this time, (Y/n), I promise.” 

“Try that again and I won’t hesitate to destroy your chances in having children.” 

“I trust that you will.” 

Realization p.sh

tw: Mafia au, Mariage au, afab! reader, mentions of death, mentions of blood, guns (not a kink just a warning) angst??? maybe???? oral (male receiving) fingering, riding lol, praise just so much praise

Part 2 of Expectations

wc: 8.6k (I’m sorry)

-

You can’t be married to someone for two years without gaining some sense of normalcy. True, your life had been forever changed the day you received the call that your father and brother had died, but today you felt normal, secure.

You, like any other housewife, woke up every day to the gentle breathing of your husband, got ready, and went about whatever tasks you had set aside for yourself that day. Sometimes Seonghwa would be home in the evenings to eat with you, perhaps indulging in your rights as husband and wife. Sometimes he would not be home till the early hours of the morning, but this didn’t bother you, as true to his word on your wedding night he was a true husband, kissing your forehead as you slept before crawling into bed alongside you. Late nights were to be expected in his line of work anyway.

Seonghwa had even asked you if you wanted to return to university. You declined, not seeing the point anymore, it’s not like you would ever be able to work anywhere. Because your new normal also included an extensive security detail when you were out and about. Applying for a job would be difficult with an armed guard waiting outside the building.

Occasionally, you found spots of red on Seonghwa’s crisp white shirts or on the soles of his leather shoes. Sometimes flashes of silver gun metal could be seen from his waistband or the friends he would bring home from time to time. Dwelling on that would do you no good. If Seonghwa kept his promise to you, you could do the same for him. Even if it sent chills through your body. For someone raised in this life, you had never quite gotten used to the sight of blood.

It took about a year, one day you walked into the kitchen, Seonghwa stood at the counter, raising a cup of too-sweet coffee to his lips and the gold from his wedding band twinkled in the afternoon sun. You were stunned because such a simple moment had sent a stir of warmth through your chest and a smile to your lips. The day had come, you fell in love with your husband.

You didn’t speak these words out loud at the time, but when you eventually did Seonghwa had only chuckled at you and took your hand lead it to his lips, and brushed a kiss across your knuckles. Seonghwa usually had such a way with words, but to you, this single action spoke volumes. But later that same evening, those words fell past his lips as his hips slowly and deeply thrust into yours, savoring the moment as his hand slid into yours. All he said was a simple yet perfect “I love you.” Before kissing you oh so tenderly.

It was moments like those that let you forget. Forget your circumstance, forget how all this came about, forget more than anything that every day the world would have one less life because of Park Seonghwa.

Being married to someone for two years means that you notice certain things about their behavior, and most importantly when something is wrong.

When your driver had pulled into your garage you were pleasantly surprised to find Seonghwa’s sleek black sports car already parked there. It was early evening, sooner than he would be home on most nights. You dismissed your chauffeur with a smile as your made your way inside. Pushing open the door your very first clue that something was wrong was the sound of multiple voices coming from deeper in the house. Seonghwa usually avoided bringing home work, for obvious reasons, but it wasn’t uncommon for the other members of the inner circle to be present at dinner from time to time. But the unusually low voices were far different from the somewhat raucous noise they usually brought with them.

“Seonghwa? Where are you?” You called hanging up your coat by the door. The voices came to an abrupt halt, and if that wasn’t enough of a tell, Seonghwa’s rigid tone when he next spoke was.

“In the living room, darling.” You heard his voice reply.

Your shoes clacked on the hardwood as you made your way down the hall, standing in the archway leading to the living room you gazed upon the scene. Hongjoong, San, and Yeosang sat strewn about the room, faces hard. You turned and saw your husband occupying his usual armchair by the fire, legs crossed, looking up at you. When you entered the others in the room smiled at you politely but none of it reached their eyes.

You offered a smile in return but quickly turned back to your husband with a questioning look. When he said nothing you spoke.

“What’s wrong?” You tried to sound casual but your thoughts betrayed you. At that Seonghwa’s face morphed into his usually calm and collected demeanor.

“Nothings wrong darling, how about we start dinner.” He replied with the perfect mask of assurance, but it was too late. When he stood you walked to him, placing a hand on his shoulder to keep him in place.

“Seonghwa please, don’t patronize me, tell me what’s going on.” You spoke, trying to be as tender as possible, he didn’t seem to be in a good mood.

“Seonghwa-“ Hongjoong’s voice sounded from the couch, a hint of reasoning in his voice. Seonghwa dropped his perfect mask to a stern one.

“No, there is no reason to get her involved with this.” He spoke with finality, head whipping to his boss. Across the room, San spoke.

“She is already involved whether you like it or not.” He grumbled, staring down at the floor with distaste. You would never say you were particularly close with any member of Ateez, but you had become a part of their life and them a part of yours. Seonghwa cared for you, so they treated you kindly and would take care of you if necessary as well. So you could tell that whatever it was, San wasn’t exactly happy that you were involved.

“What am I involved with?” You asked, turning back to Seonghwa. His gaze shot down to yours. Taking your forearms into his hands he gazed intently into your eyes and said almost willing it to be true with every word.

“Nothing we can’t handle.”

At that Hongjoong let out a sigh. It was silent for a moment. You stared at your Husband with wide and pondering eyes, as though his face held the answers you were looking for. He looked at you with an expression you had never seen him wear before. Something too close to fear for comfort.

Yeosang broke the silence, speaking for the first time,

“She has a right to know.” He spoke calmly, though with a hint of resignation. You didn’t look at him, only started into Seonghwa’s eyes as you saw slowly, second by second as his resolution crumbled. He let out a sigh, sinking back into his chair and rubbing his brow, and pulled you into his lap with his free hand. Public displays of affection were not his strong suit, but it seemed whatever emotion he was feeling was strong enough to override that as he looped his arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest.

You looked out into the room at the other men, Seonghwa had clearly signaled his defeat but didn’t seem to want to be the one to explain. The fire cracked as a log began to crumble, the small noise was deafening in the silence.

You turned to Hongjoong, and gave an expectant “well?”

Hongjoong glanced to your husband again, checking one last time for any interruption. When none came he finally spoke.

“We are having a problem with the territory we took control over when you married Seonghwa.” He said.

“It seems that someone has been talking to them, convincing them that our control isn’t valid because you were never the rightful leader in the first place. Whoever it is that is telling them this has them convinced that your father promised them control upon his death.” He concluded.

“But that’s not true.” You replied although it sounded silly when you said it.

“Of course, I know that, and you know that. But the issue is, we have no way to prove it. It’s not like your father wrote in his will ‘the leadership of my illegal business will pass to my next of kin’ and even if we did I’m not sure it would do much at this point. Some of your old men have completely turned against us, we’ve already had several violent altercations with these groups.”

At this San spoke up.

“We can’t risk an all-out war with them, it might turn more of them to their side than before. It’s a hard situation that is going to require a lot of delicacies.”

Finally, Yeosang cleared his throat, you turned to him with expectant eyes.

“We have reason to believe that their main target is you.”

These words above all else made your blood run cold. Seonghwa’s hand tightened around your waist in comfort to both you and himself.

“You see, the only real thing connecting them, to us is you. With you out of the picture, theoretically, they are free to do as they please.”

You sat staring straight at Yeosang for several moments. Both waiting for him to continue and wishing he wouldn’t. When nothing else came you swallowed harshly. Looking back at Hongjoong you spoke.

“Why now? It’s been years since then?“ you asked with a shaky voice. Hongjoong’s eyes shown and the slightest hint of a melancholy smile brushed his lips.

“That’s the question isn’t it.”

You pondered what you had just been told for several minutes, subconsciously taking the hand that gripped your waist like a vice.

“What do you need from me?” You asked. But before anyone could answer,

“No, absolutely not. This is the exact reason I didn’t want you telling her.” Seonghwa practically growled at the room, squeezing your hand so hard it stung. When you winced the grip loosened but not by much.

“Seonghwa, she could be of use, if anyone could have an idea of who’s behind this it would be her.” Yeosang reasoned.

“I said, no,” Seonghwa spoke so low and dangerously your head turned to look at his face. What you saw was not something you’d ever imagine you’d see. He was seething, his eyes were practically bubbling with rage and pitch black, gone was the gentle smile or soft grin instead was a hard line as he stared Yeosang down with so much acid you thought he might melt.

It scared you, it truly did. For the first time, you saw the face not of your husband but of the underboss of ateez. The man behind the rumors of ruthless and violent. You moved to stand up, to put some distance, you were still so shaken that your hand trembled in his own. But he did not release you.

“Seonghwa, let go of me.” You spoke, trying to be collected in the face of all you just heard. When your voice rang in his ears he finally broke his stare and turned to you, he looked at you like he was lost, for a moment he looked so confused it gave you whiplash but seconds later he released you. You stood, looking around the room as the men averted their gaze from the exchange. You turned back to Seonghwa but he was staring at the ground with a clenched fist.

You looked away, nothing had disturbed you more this evening than Seonghwa’s actions. Not even the news of dangerous people coming after you. Never in your two years of marriage had something shaken you like this. You stared at him for a beat longer, but he didn’t lookup.

“I’m going to bed.” You said aloud to the room. It was only 7. You didn’t care. This day was over.

As you ascended the stairs you heard Seonghwa speak to the men.

“I think it’s time you all leave.”

-

That night you lay awake in bed. The events of the evening replaying over and over in your mind, Seonghwa’s own words from years before ringing in your ears “more than anything I expect your opinion of me will not be swayed by anything but my actions with you.”

That had never been difficult before tonight.

Seonghwa was asleep next to you. Not curled around you like usual, but there nonetheless. You hadn’t been sure he would come up at first. He had stayed downstairs for so long after the others left, for a while you had even though he had left himself. But when the door did eventually creak open you pretended to be asleep as he moved quietly through the room. When the covers lifted and the bed shifted as he laid down you had hoped that maybe he would pull you into his arms like usual, and you could go on forgetting that that side of him existed, but when he didn’t your mind began to swim with all the things you didn’t want to think about.

You didn’t want this to become an issue. You have been happy these past years. You felt loved and protected. You felt safe with Seonghwa, a kind of safety that you desperately needed after the uncertainty that came with your father’s death. You cannot allow this to change that. Though you never would have guessed in a million years, Seonghwas arms are the safest place in your life right now, you cannot allow that to change in the course of one evening.

So no matter how much the image of his rage-filled eyes was burned into your mind and no matter the flashes of the blood-stained clothes filtered through your memory, you turned over, scooting closer to him and curled into his side, reaching out a hand to cling to the material of his shirt, and pulled yourself as close as you could manage. But no matter what, things were going to be different now.

-

You thought he would want to talk about it in the morning. You were wrong. When you woke Seonghwa was already downstairs in the kitchen. When you made your way downstairs Seonghwa was finishing making himself breakfast. You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead, you walked in and started preparing food alongside him. You both worked in silence, by the time you had finished cooking he had already completed his meal, with little more than a kiss on your head as he left the room you sat alone to eat.

This wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, quiet mornings were quite common. But it still felt off. As you made your way upstairs to get ready for the day Seonghwa himself descended, fully dressed, ready to leave. As you crossed paths he tapped your shoulder reassuringly but otherwise carried on. This was a perfectly normal morning. You expected so much to be different after the night you had and the things you learned, but they weren’t.

It took two full days for you to notice anything had changed at all. You had tried to leave the house for a trip to the store when you were informed by your driver that Seonghwa had instructed him that you were not to leave the house till the matter was settled. Honestly, this didn’t bother you, you knew there was a danger, and the safest place would always be home. What bothered you was how he hadn’t told you himself.

Seonghwa wasn’t exactly quiet, definitely soft spoken at times, but he spoke freely most of the time. It was weird knowing that for the first time he was deliberately keeping things from you. This was different from keeping quiet about work, as he knew you didn’t want to hear about that in the first place, this was an uncomfortable lack of knowledge. Whatever was happening, possibly right at this very moment greatly concerned you, and you still knew next to nothing.

Every day stretched on, you woke up every day with a growing sense of dread, Yeosangs words seared into your brain, they’re coming after you. Every day you sat in an empty home, letting your mind run wild. One thing had changed that night, you could no longer ignore the world you were born into, no matter how much it scared you. Two things rang in your brain, acting as constant reminders to that fact. One, they were coming after you, and two no matter how well he hid it from you over the past few years, Seonghwa was just as dangerous as the rest of them, you had seen it in his eyes that night.

You aren’t afraid of him. You know damn well he wouldn’t hurt you. But at the end of the day, your husband is capable of things that would make you sick.

But despite that Seonghwa would come home, acting as though absolutely nothing was wrong, painting his face with the calm and collected look you always saw him wear. He would take you into his arms and hold you close the same way he always would. And just like always his hold would never fail to soothe your mind and clear your head of your worries.

But Seonghwa couldn’t keep everything from you. Hongjoong was still the boss, he would still have to listen when ordered.

So when Seonghwa came home one evening face sterner than usual, you were expecting something to happen. You clicked off the TV when he came into the room, turning to him. He stood by the couch, looking down at you, somber resignation painting his features.

“Are you going to sit down?” You asked. He snapped out of his thoughts to come and sit beside you. Another moment of him staring into your face followed. You tried to be patient, whatever it was would come out eventually, but the anticipation was building with every second.

Seonghwa placed a hand on your thigh before speaking.

“I need you to accompany me to a dinner.” That was all he said. You arched an eyebrow at him.

“What kind of dinner?” You asked probingly.

“A business dinner.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.” You replied casually. At that Seonghwa huffed.

“That is just a precaution,” he reasoned.

“I know,” you replied casually turning back to the tv, flicking it on with the remote. You could still feel his eyes burning holes into the side of your head.

“You’re angry with me,” he said. It wasn’t a question. His voice was steady but there was a hint of frustration laced in his words.

“No, I’m not.” You replied calmly. Honestly, you weren’t, frustrated with the circumstances certainly, but angry with him specifically? Never. Since that evening your life had been flung back into uncertainty, you wanted to scream at him that pretending nothing is wrong is not going to help anything. But no, you couldn’t be angry with him, not after he had done so much for your sake, not when his gentle hand on your back was enough to calm the nerves brewing in your stomach. Even if his fake sense of normalcy was doing nothing but drive you further into madness.

“Yes, you are.”

It was your turn to huff.

“I promise you, I’m not.” You shot back, an edge of finality in your voice.

Seonghwa took another long pause, the sounds from the tv cutting through the tension in the room like knives.

“You should be mad at me. I hurt you. I scared you.” He said quietly. So softly the words barely reached your ears. You turned back to him, your face softening at the sight of his dejected eyes. You sighed, Taking his face into your palms you leaned in, placing a soft gentle kiss on his lips. He did not reciprocate, sitting as still as a rock. You did it again, pressing your lips tenderly as you could against his plush ones, willing him to feel the truth in your next words.

“You did scare me. But I promise you, I am not angry.”

You leaned back onto your side of the couch, choosing to stare forward at the Tv instead of watching whatever emotions must be on his face. You didn’t exactly want to know.

You sat, watching the TV for what could have been hours or mere minutes. But slowly but surely Seonghwa released a deep breath. Leaning back into the couch his arm slung over your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. You reached out and took his other hand into your own. You felt the cool metal of his wedding ring press into your palm. You have it a reassuring squeeze.

“So when is this dinner?”

-

And so the day eventually came. It wasn’t often you meet the people Seonghwa worked with, except for the very occasional ally who had proven loyalty beyond a shadow of a doubt.

This was not one of those times. You were meeting someone who used to work for your father. While he hadn’t shown signs of desertion yet, there was always the possibility. The possibility that he wanted you dead just as much as the others you would be discussing. Seonghwa was not happy about this. But Hongjoong had ordered it. For whatever reason, you had to be present for this talk.

You weren’t going unprotected. Seonghwa was going to be present obviously and you had noticed he had taken particular care with loading his gun while you brushed makeup onto your face. Hongjoong would be there as well l, likely equally armed. Not to mention the other lower-ranking men that would be hidden strategically throughout the restaurant.

You should feel nervous, terrified even. But the overwhelming relief that maybe just maybe you could finials get some answers was enough to keep you steady on your feet.

Seonghwa’s hand was placed strategically on your waist as he led you to the private room of the exorbitantly priced restaurant. Hongjoong walked on your other side and an equally steely gaze fitting his features. You couldn’t help but feel like you were being led through the place by two incredibly overzealous guard dogs. You felt like Seonghwa would be ready to growl at the first person to step across your path.

When you entered the room there was a round table set for four. From the moment you took your seats the wait staff sprung into action, filling your glasses with top-shelf wine, each of them sweating bullets as their eyes shifted between the two men in the room. That was fair, both of them had their game faces on, you would hate to be on the receiving end of either one.

When the door clicked open again the third man entered the room with a swagger. Seemingly unbothered by the hard stares he was reviving. He was older than you most certainly, probably by a good 10 years. He had the beginnings of grey hairs speckled across his scalp and a droopy grin that made him look remarkably like a used car salesman who just finished unloading a hunk of junk on an unsuspecting customer. You scoured your mind, trying to remember if you had ever seen him before, even in passing. But you came up blank.

“Kim Hongjoong, it a pleasure to meet you.” As he spoke he extended a hand to the man on your right, a wide smile plastered across his face. Hongjoong stared at his hand, then back at the man. Clearly, most people weren’t confident enough to touch him upon first meeting. But for civilities sake, he reached out and accepted the handshake in a quick jerk.

“Tough crowd.” The man mumbled, before taking his seat.

“And you must be Mr. and Mrs. Park, if you changed your name that is.” The man turned to grin at you. You kept your composure, you kept a neutral face as you replied.

“I did,”

He stared at you for a moment longer. The grin on his face widened.

“I used to work for your dad you know.”

“I do,”

At this his grin faulted, he regained himself quickly before addressing your husband.

“Is she always this tight-lipped?” He said with a laugh. Nobody else was laughing.

“So what is it you wanted to tell us.” Hongjoong cut through his laughter, probably because Seonghwa was gripping his steak knife so hard you thought it may snap. You reached out a hand and laid it gently over his. You felt his grip release under your fingers.

“Well, as I’m sure you know, you got a bit of a problem in your new territory. And I’m also sure you know that she is the cause of it.” The man replied, taking a large bite of food then gesturing to you.

“She didn’t cause anything, it’s those dumbasses out there who decided to act up.” Hongjoong shot back. The man only waved that thought away before swallowing.

“Yeah well, I still know some of those guys. Some of them still tell me things you might want to know.”

“Like what exactly.” Seonghwa finally spoke up, already at his wit’s end with this man and his casualty.

“Anything you want for the right price.” He shit back, smirking wildly.

“That’s a bold ask for someone who hasn’t proven that they’re worth yet,” Hongjoong replied cooly.

“Trust me, there are a lot of guys who would be happy to be here right now just for the chance at getting at her, you’re just lucky it’s me not one of them.” He replied, his tone suddenly darkening.

As he spoke, several of the guards in the corners of the room perked up, staring him down. Seonghwa’s hand flexed under yours.

“Are you threatening my wife?” He asked tone as icy as a winter storm.

The man for the first time that evening showed signs of fear, clearing his throat before looking around the room hesitantly.

“Not at all, sir.” He added for good measure. He cleared his throat again before continuing.

“ I don’t know exactly who’s behind this, whoever it is told people to keep quiet about it, and they’re doing a good job. But I can tell you this, whoever it is was high up. And I mean really high up in her daddy’s business. I’m talking inner circle.” He replied, staring directly at you.

You felt the eyes of the whole room in you but your mind was swimming. Who was it? You knew all of those men, many of them had watched you grow up, several of them had taken active roles in protecting you in your youth. And now you know one of them wants you dead. The thought gave you chills. That was until one name popped in your head.

“Song Joongki” you did little more than mumble the name at first, barely above your breath. But in the dead silence, they all heard it.

“Who is that?” Hongjoong probed. You shook your head to clear your thoughts.

“He was my father’s old right hand, he disappeared rig before I went to college. We thought he died or something, but I remember my father telling me they have fought in the weeks before his disappearance. He didn’t tell me about what.”

At that the room when quiet once again.

“I don’t know for sure obviously, I mean. It was just a guess.” You mumbled out, unsure at the lack of response.

“No, that’s a good idea. If he was in hiding that might explain why he didn’t know what had happened to your father right away, maybe he just found out and is trying to take over.” Hongjoong reasoned.

“That’s a smart girl you got there Park Seonghwa, too bad really.” The guy started with a grin. Seonghwa whipped around at him, ready to finally act on the urges he had been holding back. But before he could sounds of commotion could be heard outside the door, loud bangs and yelling echoed into the room.

“Sounds like those dumbasses are here.” He laughed at Hongjoong.

It was all Seonghwa could do to pull you away from the table and press your face into his shoulder before the sound of stretching chair legs and the ringing blast of a single gunshot rang through the room. You felt blood splatter onto your cheek. Your ears rang so bad you could barely hear the noise as the doors burst open and the security stormed out into the restaurant. Shooting to kill.

Your chest was heaving and hot tears streamed down your face but your mind was utterly blank. You couldn’t hear the words Seonghwa muttered into your ear. You only felt the pull and he moved you towards the exit.

Once out into the main room you dared to venture a glance at the scene. You wish you didn’t. Seonghwa’s men had cleared a pathway through the scene. Blood splattered walls and bodies lay limp on the ground. At the sight of you one of the opposing men charged forward at you, you barely had time to suck in a breath before Hongjoong’s gun was pointed at his temple. Seonghwa hid your face in his shoulder again, pushing you forward through the room as the shot rang out.

You didn’t look up again. Not to Seonghwa’s murmurings in your ear, not to the sound of screams of the patrons who had escaped outside, not until Seonghwa practically carried you into an awaiting car and shut the door.

It was oddly quiet inside the armored vehicle compared to the mayhem outside. Your breath came ragged and it sounded loudly in the empty air. You looked to your right out the window only to see a mass of body blocking the view. A guard was stationed to keep you safe while Seonghwa ran back inside to finish dealing with the mess.

You sat shivering, the ringing sound still drilling into your skull. Seconds ticked by as you waited. You didn’t want to imagine the things going on inside that building right now. But you had no choice, there was nothing else to think about. Imagine it broken bones and mangled bodies flooded your mind, all painted red.

You clamped your hands together, staring down at them, willing your mind to stop racing. The glint on the street lamp outside hit the diamond on your ring. You stared at it. Thinking of your husband. Any moment he would be back, he had to be, surely the police had been called by now, and when they arrived they would arrest every gang member in sight. Seonghwa and Hongjoong needed to leave soon.

You thought of Seonghwa’s face that night. The pure rage storming in his dangerously still face. Did he look like that now? Probably, he probably looked even worse. You imagined yourself back to being pressed into his shoulder, the soft linen of his suit jacket rubbing against your cheek. The feeling of his arms tightly wound around you as he guided you through the chaos. A sudden surge of emotions flicked to life inside you.

The images of these two different versions of your husband for the first time were able to coexist in your mind. For the first time, it wasn’t one or the other. And you realized with a sudden finality how necessary both were. And even if one chilled you to your core, you found that at that moment, walking through a scene from your nightmares, he was able to do both at once, hold you close and strike fear to keep you safe. It strangely warmed your heart. More than anything you remembered just how much you loved him.

Moments ticked on. You could hear distant sirens in the air outside the car. Your ears still rang but it was subsiding. You were started to the point of jumping when the driver’s side door opened. Only to still when you saw who it was. This time you did not ignore the blood seeping onto his shirt, or the ice in his eyes. Perhaps this is something only the daughter of a mob boss could ever feel. But it was a strange comfort knowing there was someone who would kill for you.

-

The car rumbled to life, and in an instant, you were shooting off down the streets. Seonghwa’s grip on the wheel turned his knuckles white. You did not notice his disregard for traffic laws as he flew down the road. Only the look of resolution on his face. His eyebrows knitted together and his lips were a thin line of distaste.

You didn’t speak till you pulled into your garage. There was already a line of reinforcements waiting inside the house as Seonghwa helped you out of the car on your still shaking feet. When you stood you reached up to brush the crease that had appeared in his forehead from frowning. This action took him by surprise, when your hand began to lower he took hold of your palm. Holding it to his face. His eyes relaxed as he looked down at you. A sudden deep exhaustion overtook his features. He places a kiss on the inside of your palm before lowering in and leading you inside.

You walked past several guards on the way, but there were none inside your bedroom. Seonghwa led you to the bathroom and turned on the light. Your own reflection startled you. Not because of the blood on your cheek or the dried tears in your eyes, but because of how calm you looked.

It was clear which of these things Seonghwa chose to focus on.

“Come here, let me get you cleaned up a bit.” He motioned for you to sit at your vanity facing him. You did so. First things first he kneeled to the floor, taking your heels from your feet, letting you rest them on the cold tile. You stared at him as he went to set a towel before coming back to dab at the spots of red, practically flinching every time he moved to a new one.

“Seonghwa?” You spoke aloud.

“Yes darling,” he asked, in a voice that could only be described as reverent and somber.

“Please look at me,” you begged. He had been staring so forcefully at your cheek. He did as he was told, looking up to meet your eyes.

“Please stop worrying, I’m fine.” You whisper. His face morphed into distaste once again.

“No, your not. You shouldn’t have been there in the first place, if I had put up more of a fight this never would have happened.” He rumbled back.

“It’s ok that it happened.” You try to reason. At this, his eyes light up. He set down the cloth with a huff.

“How, please explain to me how this is ok?” He all but spat.

“We learned something, something important. I didn’t get hurt, no harm done.” You reply, beginning to build in frustration.

“Yes there is harm done, what kind of husband am I if I can’t keep my wife out of harm’s way! If I can’t give her the normal life she deserves!“

he hasn’t meant to yell, you could tell that. But when he stood up so abruptly you nearly lost your balance on your seat your own voice boiled over.

“Why can’t you realize Seonghwa that no matter what you do things can’t go back to normal! I know now! There is nothing you can do to change that. I hate that this is the life I have to live, and it scares the shit out of me, but keeping me in the dark is only making it worse!”

You stood up to match his height as best you could, no matter what had happened earlier you felt stronger than ever in this moment.

“Then what is it you expect me to do? Be ok with this? let them ruin the life I have worked so hard to give you? All I want is to make you happy, to keep you as far away from this as I can manage. I thought that’s what you wanted!”

Seonghwa never raised his voice, but now it bounced around the walls of the bathroom and amplified in your mind. This wasn’t his fault, you know it isn’t. But his word made you angry.

“Seonghwa, I lost my ability to get away from this the day I was born as my father’s daughter. And I don’t regret that for a second. I lost my ability to be unaware the day I married you, and I do not regret that. I know what kind of man you are, I always have! And yes it bothers me, yes the idea of the things you do to others makes me sick. But I don’t care! I will deal with it because I love you!”

Your voice shook. Seonghwa looked stunned. But you weren’t quite done yet. You took a step forward, pushing into his space. But tried to keep your voice steady and restrained.

“I know you tried to do right by me, and I thank you for that. But I can’t keep running from this, because it is as much a part of me as it is a part of you.”

You stared into his eyes. He looked like a deer in the headlights. You waited for a reply, once again, none came. A memory flashed to life behind your eyes.

“You told me, the night you gave me this ring that you didn’t want to see someone else get swallowed up by this world without support ever again. What you don’t seem to realize is that you are my support. I don’t need anything else, I don’t need to hide away with nice clothes and soft sheets to be happy. All I need is you, to be by your side, even if that means facing the very things you wanted to protect me from. I can handle it as long as you let me in, let me be a part of your life, even the parts that scare me.”

As you spoke you rose the hand that held the ring in question, showing it to him. His eyes locked to it before flashing back and forth between in at your face. He stood rooted. His face swam with hundreds of emotions. Eventually, he decided on one.

One long shuttering breath from him.

“I don’t think you know what you’re asking for,” he said, “ I don’t think you would ever want to be near me if you saw the truth.” He said resolutely.

You almost screamed in frustration. You fixed his face, his blood-stained face, with the hardest look you could muster, before reaching up behind his neck and pulling his lips to come crashing down onto yours. He was unprepared for this you know. But you did not care one bit, you were going to kiss your husband even if it killed you both in the process.

He fell forward into the kiss, practically stumbling to the floor before his hand found the edge of the vanity to keep you both upright. You were not bothered. Your lips molded with his like clay, moving against his with so much force you could feel them bruising. He finally acted, pulling your waist flush against him, prying your lips open only to push his tongue into your mouth. He was well-practiced in kissing you. He knew what made your head spin. Every brush of his wet muscle against your own made you groan in satisfaction. You never wanted to be separated from him again.

When the kiss finally broke you stared directly into his eyes.

“Don’t try to tell me what I want Park Seonghwa. Because the answer will always be you.” You spoke the words resolutely into his lips.

At this, he cracked the slightest hint of a grin.

“Only you could love a killer.” He replied with a laugh.

“Only if that killer could love me like you do.” You shot back. Seonghwa’s grin only widened.

“Only I could love you like that.”

And then his lips were on yours again. This time with much more heat. His hand on your waist pulled you impossibly closer. Taking his time to persevere the feeling of his lips against yours you practically melted in his embrace. Once again his tongue flicked at your bottom lip, and when your mouth willingly opened to accept him with a groan his tongue shot out again to dance with yours. His hand traveled down to your ass. Palming the flesh their eagerly. Making you jump with a squeal.

Seonghwa broke the kiss again.

“Come into the bedroom darling, I don’t want to take you like this in the bathroom.” His voice dripped with sultry desire and instead of ice, there was a molten fire in his eyes. You felt your panties dampen at the mere look in his eyes.

You didn’t need telling twice.

As soon as you entered your bedroom you were practically thrown onto your plush duvet, your husband standing at the door of the bed with a look so dark he was ready to pounce on you.

He climbed over you onto the bed, both hands taking hold of one strap of your dress before sliding them down your shoulder. He took turns peppering kisses across each shoulder, brushing his lips over every available surface air skin. You whined at him.

“Seonghwa please, don’t keep me waiting.”

He clicked his tongue at you.

“Don’t be impatient darling, I’m going to savor every moment of this.” As he spoke he rose his face to yours a placed a peck on your cheek with a grin. His hand moved to your dress again, pulling the cups of both your bread and bra down to expose your breast to him. In an instant, his mouth was back on you. He groaned into the flesh. You felt a wave of wetness gush out of you at the sensation.

“You know how much I adore these,” he spoke before flicking his tongue against your now erect bud. You moaned as your hand flew to his dark locks, pulling at the roots. He groaned again pulling away.

“Get this dress off, it’s in my way.” Seonghwa all but growled at you. He backed away, allowed you to sit up. You undid the zipper in record time pulling the material over your body, and your bra as well for good measure. Seonghwa sat back on his heels. Watching you, palming his erection as he did. A dark halo shown around his head as lust gazed over in your eyes.

You were keening for him now. Your senses are completely overrun with the ideas of all the things he could do to you. You felt your hips roll into the air subconsciously as he began undoing his shirt. The droplets of red do nothing to off-put you. Then it was off, and you sat up on your knees like him to ogle. Running your hands along the hard planes and ridges. You felt your cunt clench around nothing.

“Seems you have your own fair share of admiring to do,” he chuckled, running a hand through your hair. His thumb slid into his waistband.

“How about my loving wife come help me with these?“ he mused, motioning you forward. You fell forward onto your hands and knees without a second thought. Coming face to face with the bulge in his slacks. You undid the button quickly and pulled down the zipped without a second thought. But your brain faulted at the sight of the outline of his cock. You acted on instinct. You mouthed at his dick through his boxers, savoring in the salty taste of pre-cum that seeped through at the tip. You moaned wantonly only to whine when you were pulled away by your hair.

“I should have known you would get like this, you’ve become so cock hungry. To think you were such a sweet innocent girl when I married you.” He was musing to himself.

“But that isn’t what I told you to do, why must you disobey me, darling?” He asked in a mock sympathetic tone. You whined out,

“I’m sorry,” though even you were unconvinced, as your eyes showed how much you wanted to have your mouth back on him. You looked up at him with your widest most apologetic look, and you saw him smirk in satisfaction.

“Who am to deny you, ask me nicely and I’ll give you what you want.” He replied, running his hand through your hair again.

“Please Seonghwa, can I put you in my mouth?” You asked in your most appeasing tone, nudging your head against his hand. Seonghwa grinned at you. Slipping his thumb into his waistband he pulled them down just enough along with his pants.

You wasted no time. In an instant your lips were wrapped around the head of his cock, circling it with your tongue. Seonghwa let out an appreciative groan. Your tongue ran along the slit of his cock gathering you more precum before sliding his further into your mouth and bobbing.

“You really love my cock don’t you darling,” he hissed, resting his hand on your head for support.

You couldn’t nod or agree verbally, so instead, you arched your back, pushing your ass out into the air and pushing yourself farther down his dick. Your tongue ran along the underside, sliding around him as well as you could because with every bob your head sank lower on his length.

“Oh, darling you are too good to me, you’re doing so well.” He moaned into your air, head rolling back. His hand on your head reached back sliding his fingers onto the soaked fabric of your panties, causing you to jolt and whine even further around him.

“Your so wet, does sucking my cock really get you this turned on?” He asked incredulously though he already knew the answer, even with the fabric you were soaking his fingers as he rubbed across your folds.

It wasn’t until you gagged around his length that he pulled you off him. You were panting and spit gathering in the corners of your mouth but you looked up at him with the most satisfied smile.

“Come here,” he mumbled. You sat up and he pulled you into a kiss, more sloppy than any other that evening. In seconds his hand was at your slit once again, slipping the ruined fabric to the side he ran his fingers through your cunt, gathering the slick onto his fingers before all at once pushing two inside of you.

You wailed into his lips. For so long you had been clenching around nothing at every noise he made, finally having something full you up made your heart flutter. You took hold of his shoulder for support as his long slim fingers worked you open. Your head lulled back awake from the kiss but his lips did not stop moving. Seonghwa mouthed along the column of your neck, kissing, biting, and sucking bruises as he went without care.

“You’re doing so well darling, not too much longer now, and you can have my dick inside you.” He mumbled into your skin as he sucked another large mark right at your jaw. His finger pressed deeper inside you, pressing against your walls so perfectly. You could feel more slick seep from your hole and onto his hand as your walls clamped around him.

“Seonghwa,” you mewled, rolling your hips into his palm. You felt like your body was about to combust, so much pressure had built in your core you felt yourself about to tumble over the edge. Not much longer now and you would come on his hand.

“That’s it darling, go ahead and cum, You’ve been so good for me.” You practically melted at his words. Radiating heat exploded from your core like waves through your body, you ground your hips onto his hand to ride out your high, wails of pleasure echoed around the room.

When it finally came to an end you slumped into his chest, but he was far from done with you.

He situated himself sitting against the headboard and pulled you into his lap straddling him after kicking off his pants the rest of the way. You looked at him through hooded eyes and begged.

“Please, I don’t know if I can do that right now,” you whined.

“Do you want my dick?” He asked, running his hand up and down your thigh. You nodded yes.

“Then you’re going to have to ride me.” He shot back. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you out darling.”

You groaned but did your best to sit up. Hovering just above where his dick stood erect. Seonghwa took hold of your hips to keep you steady. You were still spent after your last orgasm but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You sank down onto him with an opened mouth moan. Your head fell back at once. It felt so nice to be filled to the brim with your husband’s cock. Your hips gave an experimental roll and you keened. You were still so sensitive, every drag felt like simultaneous torture and ecstasy as you slowly began working yourself up and down on his dick.

“Seonghwa-“ you mewled. But Seonghwa was enjoying himself too much to respond. Watching your body shift and bend as your back arched every time you were filled to the brim, the way your tits bounced slightly at every movement. He took hold of one. Molding it in his hand, tweaking your nipple between his fingers pulling on it ever so slightly. Your back arched if possible even more into his touch. You were an endless stream of noises by now, and your pace was slowly becoming more and more quickly.

It all felt so good. His hand on your breast, his gaze on your body, how good he felt pumping inside you. Your hips were rolling madly, chasing the overwhelming pleasure that was building in your core. Your brain began to register the sounds of gentle praise coming from your husband.

“Look at you go, darling, doing so well, your so good. Making me so proud.”

Your body reacted to the praise instantly, your wanton moans only grew in volume, you leaned forward to wrap your arms around his neck for support. The hand that was still on your hips helped guide your movements as you reached a pace you would not able to sustain on your own. You felt his cock pressing against your most sensitive spot inside you over and over again driving your mind to blankness.

“Go on, cum for me. You’ve done so well.”

And that was all it took. Your body practically went rigid as it overtook you. Your eyes rolled back. Distantly you felt Seonghwa’s cum filling you up, only adding to the feeling of haze overtaking you. Like shockwaves, your body twitched and pushed with every passing second. Your head was spinning when you finally came back down to earth.

You were laid off your side, pulled into Seonghwa’s chest like always wrapped in blankets. You lay there in silence for so long simply breathing in and out in time with him.

“Are you sure it’s Song Joongki? He asked aloud.

“Pretty sure.” You mumbled. Thrown by the sudden topic of conversation. His hand ran up your spine in a comforting way.

“I’m going to kill that man.”

⇢ Pairing: bf!Seonghwa x gn!Reader x bff!Yunho
⇢ Genre: Angst
⇢ Warnings: Mention of anxiety attack, brief mention of relationship trauma
⇢ Word Count: 1,322
⇢ Synopsis: When you think things are going well, they are not.
⇢ A/N: Sometimes you just need to create to heal. Most times you just want a hug.

From the moment you step into the store, anyone can see your giddiness. You are excited about your secret plans for the night. You’ve been seeing Seonghwa for a few weeks now, and you want to surprise him with dinner. After making a joke that you can’t cook, you admitted you could, in fact, make at least one good dish. He was intrigued and expressed that he would love to try it. Therefore, you decided to treat him the night after that conversation took place. Needing ingredients, you dragged along your friend, Yunho. He happily agreed to come only after mentioning he’d still be salty that he doesn’t get to eat any of it. He can’t say no to you when you seem so ecstatic about it.

“So how was your date last night?” Yunho asks, watching you scan the shelves of food.

“It was so good. Seonghwa took me to this nice restaurant near his apartment,” You answer and briefly look over at your friend with wide, guilty eyes, “I felt bad ordering anything because everything was so expensive.”

“He clearly didn’t mind spending the money on you. He’s the one who took you there.”

“I know, but I still felt bad. Afterward, we went back to his apartment and continued watching that show we started last week.”

You finally settle on a jar of sauce and place it in your basket. Yunho follows you to another aisle as he continues to ask about your new relationship.

“How do you rate him on a scale from one to ten, compared to the other guys you’ve dated?”

You hum thoughtfully, looking off into space as you think. This new guy is nice, patient, funny, and supportive. He loves hearing you talk about your hobbies and interests and the sparkles in your eyes when you do. He reassures you that being yourself is all he wants, and you’re thankful you’ve found someone like that. Over the month of dating him, you don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you think he is the one.

“He’s a ten.”

“Wow, he must really treat you right,” Yunho smiles seeing you light up.

“Mhm,” you agree and continue looking for the right noodles.

But something stops you. Your phone rings in your pocket, and you quickly pull it out. It’s Seonghwa.

“Hello?” You chirp.

“Hey, are you busy right now?” He asks, his voice not filled with the same glee.

Your eyes shift to Yunho, who is studying your face as it falls.

“No. Is something wrong?” You ask, heartbeat picking up.

“Um, I’ve been thinking about this all day, and this is a really hard decision for me to make. I don’t think this will work out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think we should keep seeing each other.”

You turn away from your friend as panic starts to hint in your voice, “Did I do something wrong? Is it me?”

“No, it’s nothing you did. It’s me. You are a beautiful, smart, and adorably silly person. Please, believe that. But I don’t think we share the same ideas.”

You try to suppress the sobs that are building up in your chest and clawing their way up your throat. Once a sniffle breaks your silence, Seonghwa sighs into the receiver.

“I really didn’t want to do this. I’m really sorry. I just don’t see a future with someone who isn’t on the same page as me.”

One of your hands comes up to cover your face while a quiet sob breaks through.

“I hate hearing you cry,” he says with a sniffle, “I wish I was there to hug you.”

Although he is breaking your heart, you really wish he was too.

You begin to ramble, “I’m sorry. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate you giving me your time when I know you’re busy. I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be sorry. I really did enjoy hanging out with you and getting to know you. You’re such a sweet and cute person.”

You sit in silence save for your sniffs and attempts to stop crying. Your mind is blank. What is there to say? You don’t want to beg him to stay with you. You don’t want to be that crazy person who can’t let go. Only one word comes to mind.

“Okay.”

“I’m really sorry,” he says.

“It’s fine. It’s okay. I understand.” You shake your head, mostly to convince yourself of your own words.

“There is someone out there for you; someone who will match your energy. You really are an amazing person.”

For a moment, the call is filled with sounds of you desperately holding back your tears.

“I won’t keep you any longer. You should go be with friends, so you’re not alone. Again, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine. Have a good night.”

The line is quiet. It kills you.

“Bye,” you manage before hanging up. Your body collapses until your knees are hugged to your chest. A gentle, large hand rests on your back and rubs up and down soothingly. A sob racks your body. Your hands curl tightly into fists.

“I’m so stupid,” you whisper.

“No, you’re not,” Yunho reassures you.

“He said he couldn’t see a future with me because we don’t believe the same things. Nothing seemed like an issue. We never argued over anything. I feel so stupid. I was so vulnerable in front of him and told him things I haven’t told anyone else. I’m so fucking stupid.”

A pair of arms wrap around you, your face burying into Yunho’s chest. The grocery store you’re in is long forgotten as you cry into his shirt.

“Why do I keep regretting being myself?”

“Don’t,” Yunho murmurs in your hair.

“Why can’t I finally have happiness? Why can’t anything ever go right for me?” You bawl, “I wanted to believe he was different from the others, but all he has done is prove he is just the same.”

“There is someone meant for you, and it isn’t him.”

“He said the same thing.”

Yunho’s body becomes frigid with guilt. There’s no way he could have known, and that’s just something people say to the brokenhearted. You don’t fault him for that.

“I had an anxiety attack last night when he wanted to do things. I told him about my fucking baggage. He was so understanding and sweet about it. He has been the only one to actually care about how I feel. I literally cried in front of him telling him my trauma. Who the fuck breaks up with someone after that?” Your sobs come harder, “When I left, he said he was grateful that I was comfortable enough with him to tell him those things. All he wanted was for me to be comfortable with him.”

“Then he’s just an asshole. If he can’t look past your differences and actually appreciate you, he isn’t worth your time. At least it ended before you grew even more attached,” Yunho says, his hand softly massaging your head.

“I just want to be happy.”

“You will be. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it will come in time.”

You don’t argue with him, mostly because you’ve become exhausted from crying. He lets you calm down in his arms. When you finally lean away, Yunho’s eyes flit around your flushed, puffy face. His nimble fingers brush back some of your hair.

“I guess we should put all this stuff back,” you say defeatedly, looking at your basket.

“We can still make it. I can appreciate your cooking more than he ever could.”

Tears flood your eyes again, and a small smile tugs at your lips. “Thank you…” you sigh, numbness being expelled from your body with the exhale, “My head hurts now.”

“We can get something for that,” Yunho says with a little laugh as he takes your hand to help you stand.