#seven hours until tomorrow starts

why didn’t anyone ever explain that grief doesn’t always feel like being sad immediately and being sad about the Thing and the Thing only? a lot of the time grief is not believing the Thing when you first find out (and judging yourself for feeling nothing), and then being generally and oppressively sad about “nothing in particular” (it is about the Thing, you realize), and then (way later than what you thing is “normal”) actually being sad specifically about the Thing - but not quite in the oppressive bone-chilling all-encompassing way, in more of a fleeting yet enduring way where the Thing is now a part of you (you aren’t exactly sad, you aren’t exactly happy despite the Thing, maybe you just travel through the highs and lows of life with the Thing)

why am i just realizing this is how grief works (aka learning that the way i grieve is not Wrong) at 20? two deaths and three losses in a year and change will make you realize stuff i guess