#sex guide
During the last few years, sugar dating has become really popular among 18-28 year-old girls and women. Several websites have literally exploded with new sugar babes looking for their daddies, and in fact a few articles have demonstrated that up to 3-5% of the 18-28 year-old girls are enlisted as a sugar babe in certain countries. However, most of the girls seem to be completely ignorant about the facts that sugar daddies are looking for and how the sugar dating works.
1. Sugar dating sites are not regular dating sites
Dating websites have a hugely distorted demographics to the girls’ advantage. The female-male ratio can be as imbalanced as 1:8. This is not true with the sugar dating sites, where the this ratio is often practically reversed. You need to unlearn the “queen of the hill” attitude that you have learned from regular dating sites. In sugar dating, girls are competiting for the best daddies, not the other way around.
2. Sugar dating is not innocent
Many girls have a delusion from TV that sugar dating is just about handsome and rich older men buying you stuff and taking you to the high life parties, without anything but your company in return. In truth, maybe a few percent of the daddies want to do it this way, which distorts the demographics even further. For each 100 sugar babes, there are perhaps one to three daddies who are like this. Most daddies are there to fulfill their sexual fantasies and fetishes with younger beautiful girls.
3. There are very beautiful young open-minded girls out there
Remember, that most of the daddies are looking for something in exchange for their excess money. Unless you are really beautiful, young and open-minded, the chances are very, very, low that you will find a daddy who is good looking, very wealthy and wants to sponsor you without return services. Most sugar dating sites have a small percentage of extremely good looking girls who are being cherry picked before anyone will even take a look on the other girls.
4. Bring up your best sides
Although most daddies are looking for the beauties, an average girl can make herself a lot more attractive to some daddies by bringing up their best sides. Some daddies love big boobs, innocent and young looking girls, girls with glasses, girls with braces, chubbies, slutty look et cetera. Make sure that you highlight any of these features in your photos. Taking only a picture of your face if you’re chubby, or not wearing you glasses if you actually wear them pays you nothing. Men are full of fetishes, and those fetishes can often override everything else. Most sugar daddies have a lot of fetishes!
5. Forget about findom
If you are looking for findom, there are perhaps one daddy for each 1000 girls available. Better forget it, unless you are very, very special.
6. Forget your bad attitude and complaining
No one is interested in your bad attitude. Most of the daddies want just easy, fun and otherwise satisfying company. They don’t want to listen your complaining or to be exposed to your bad attitude.
7. Do not tell your opinion on the daddy’s taste unless asked
If the daddy likes something that you don’t, keep that information on yourself unless he asks about your opinion about it. If he does, never be hostile! If the daddy has a fetish or something that pleases him, never say “that’s disgusting”, unless it is that so disgusting that you don’t want to interact with him anymore. Remember, that unlike in normal dating where guys often have to give away their fetishes and other preferences, sugar dating is something where the girls need to make compromises. Good daddies always find girls who are willing to satisfy their needs, were you part of it or not. Being open-minded is the key to success being a good sugar babe.
8. Be an active pleaser
Good daddies are rare, but so are good sugar babes, too. Never be skimpy. Some sugar babes only do nice things to the daddy after the daddy has done nice things to them. Forget this! Please him, surprise him and make him feel great. This makes the sugar dating feel more like a relationship instead of being a private whore (unless that turns you both on) and increases the mutual trust between you.
9. Always be the perfect yourself
Find out what your daddy likes and be like that. Always. You must give an impression that you are a unique perfect girl. Make the daddy addicted to you!
10. Obey
If your daddy wants to know something, tell him. If he wants to have a video or photo of you while he’s on a trip, send that video or photo. Tease him and make him want to take the next flight back to have fun with you!
11. Respect the rules and keep your promises
Most daddies have rules and it is your job to respect them. If you can’t do it, don’t do sugar dating at all. This same applies vice versa. You probably want that your daddy is not having unprotected sex on his trip to Brazil or Thailand, either.
12. Be discreet
Sugar dating is very intimate. Never talk about your daddy or you relationship with anyone unless you have a permission to do it. This same applies to daddies. Keep those photos and videos in a secure place and never share them with anyone without permission.
This guide is going to be very simple, because I’m not going to go into dynamics - they’re different for everyone. I’m just going to teach you terms and give you different perspectives, so you can pick and choose your character better. This might also help a little if you’re actually interested in the lifestyle. I can’t go over rules, because all Dom/me’s are different and they’re going to have their OWN rules. I’m also not going to go over ALL kinks, you can find a great list here. Also keep in mind this is all written from MY point of view as a Dominant.
- Basic Terms. ( BDSM, SSC, RACK )
- Different types of Dom’s (Daddy Doms, Masters, Gorean, Saddists)
- Different types of submissives (Pets, slaves, kittens, babygirls)
- Limits - soft limits, hard limits, and why they need to be respected.
Basic Terms.
- BDSM.Bondage,Discipline, Sadism, Masochism.
- Alternatively. Bondage, Discipline. Dominance, Submission.Sadism, Masochism.
BDSM is something extremely common to the D/s lifestyle. Obviously. But you don’t have to adhere to all of it to enjoy part of it. You don’t have to enjoy Bondage to enjoy Discipline. It’s give and take between partners.
- SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual.
As a Master, you need to understand and respect this. That everything you do with your submissive needs to be safe, sane and consensual. Your goal is NOT to cause trauma on your willing submissive. You are their teacher, their guide. As a submissive - you need to understand that if someone is hurting you in a way you don’t approve; even if they’re your Master. You need to GET OUT of that relationship.
- RACK: Risk Assessed, Consensual Kink.
Let’s use breathplay as an example - because it is dangerous. If I have a submissive, and I’m interested in breathplay with them. I need to talk to them about it. It’s my fucking duty as a Master to make sure they’re A) Willing to take part in my desire. B) Mentally prepared for the shock, the pain, and the fear that might come with it. C) Physically able to endure being choked. D) Understand the risks, and understand they have a safe word (or sign).
- Aftercare.
If you’re a Master, and you neglect your submissive after a scene; even a mild one. You’re kind of a piece of shit. You tend to them, you hold them, you tell them they were good. This is the time where you break down the wall, and hold your submissive like an old love. You tell them you love them and make sure they’re okay. Aftercare is extremely important - and an amazing feeling. It’s also an opportunity to talk to your pet about what they enjoyed vs what they didn’t.
- Safeword / Safesign.
A safeword or a safesign is used as a “I’ve had too much”. Say - you’ve got your submissive gagged, and you’re spanking them. They CANT take anymore - so you have a set up safe sign, she raises two fingers. You ungag her and ask - do you need a break, or do you need to stop. A SUBMISSIVE SHOULD NEVER BE PUNISHED FOR USING THEIR SAFE SIGN OR SAFEWORD. This is put in place to safely and politely say - please stop. If a submissive uses their safeword, you need to stop and take them up in arms, make sure they’re alright.
Different types of Dom’s.
- Daddy Dom/Mommy Dom.
Daddy Dom’s probably have the most taboo surrounding them, because they enjoy taking care of their sub on a child-like level. They are NOT attracted to CHILDREN. They are simply attracted to men/women that are child-like. Usually it’s a play on an incestuous relationship, but in a safe and consensual way. There is often light punishments (spanking and time outs), but it’s rarely violent. Mommy and Daddy doms are nurturing, parent like, and usually only do things for the good of their babygirl/boy.
- Sadists.
Simply put? They’re fucking sadistic - they enjoy inflicting pain. HOWEVER they enjoy inflicting pain for the cause of sexual arousal. They don’t just walk around stabbing people in the shoulders and jacking off alright. They have a submissive/slave, and they consensually torture them. How that happens is up to them. Electrical play, knife play, canning.
- Collectors.
I have a personal issue with collectors, but to each their own right? They are exactly what they sound like - they like to collect slaves. They’re the type that enjoy having a harem on hand. They can vary on what they enjoy, but it’s usually strictly sexually based. More slave enjoyment than control and submission.
- Dom/mes.
We are those that don’t have a specific title, because we’re not specific to what we enjoy. Usually, we’re just extremely dominant people who enjoy having their pet. We’re usually flexible, but very strict. Loving, but hard handed. We’re dominant, but kind and honest. We are the Doms that don’t fall into Daddy or Sadism, because we’re sitting happily in the middle.
There are other types of Dominants; Gorean and such, but I’m not extensively familiar since I’m not interested in that lifestyle. But you’re more than welcome to google any of the following. Gorean, Lesser Gods, Bears, Femdom.
Different types of submissives.
- Gorean. I don’t know shit about it, so here.
- Slave/Sex Slave.
That’s pretty much self explanatory. As a slave, you give up all rights to your owner. They can sell you, use you, abuse you as you see fit. You are nothing, and you are no one but your Masters slave. Usually slaves are very obedient, or else they’re whipped into submission. I personally frown upon slaves, but again to each their own. THERE IS slave play however, which is essentially a time where a submissive wishes to PLAY slave. As a slave, you have no opinion, no limits. You may set your limits before collaring, but your Master has the right to ignore them, as you’ve agreed to do anything they say.
- Domestic Slave.
Essentially, as a domestic slave you’re a housewife/househusband. You’re a slave to your master, and your place is in the home and at their feet. You do as you’re told, you listen, and you respect your Masters words. You clean, you cook, and you fuck. There are also Domestic SUBS, which are essentially the same, however they have quite a bit more free will.
- Pain Slut.
The perfect subs for sadists. You enjoy pain, you enjoy being tortured. A pain slut is exactly what it sounds like. Sex and pain - it’s rarely a sweet and loving D/sship, unless it’s 24/7 - in which the Pain Slut is really only active in play. Though, the Doms to these type are often cruel (mind you, the subs ENJOY this so no slandering them here kids).
- Pets.
I argue this one. But traditionally pets are involved in some sort of animal play (not bestiality) they enjoy dressing as kittens, ponies, dogs. Not in huge fursuits, more ears and tails. They’re pet like, and OFTEN non sexual. However, I differ here and say that pets do not HAVE to be into dressing as animals - simply enjoy the same attention, and they can be sexually.
Limits.
Limits are probably one of the most important things in D/s. They’re set for safety. Essentially the submissive, usually before collaring sets up their soft limits and their hard limits - and the Master needs to respect these. If they don’t, the submissive has the absolute right to break contract with the Master and say fuck the fuck off. Now, slaves may have their limits pushed - however pets and submissives should NEVER have them pushed unless they ASK for them to be.
If you don’t respect limits, you can emotionally and physically traumatize your submissive. And then you go to hell, where I’m waiting to fucking disrespect YOUR limits.
- Soft Limit.
Using breathplay as an example. Alright, so a soft limit is basically something you’re not sure you want to do - or something you don’t THINK you want to do, but you’re willing to try to do in time, in the right condition, and the right mindset. A Master shouldn’t PUSH these limits, however they do retain the right to try and ask you to do them. They should respect if you say no, and not force them on you. With a soft limit, A master might wrap his hands gently around his pets throat, and test their response - if it's negative, they respect the soft limit, and if it’s positive, they might push it slowly and safely.
- Hard Limit.
Hard limits are not to be fucked with. If your submissive says “Breathplay is a hard limit’ you never fucking touch their neck in a choking manner. You do not ask, you don’t push, you don’t even fucking think to do it to them. If they ASK you, that’s one thing. But as a hard limit… It’s fucking OFF the table.
The BDSM D/s world is endlessly complex and yet simply beautiful. I can’t cover all of it, but I’ve covered the most basic things for roleplay and writing purposes. If you have specific questions, come to me and I’ll answer what I can, or direct you somewhere useful.
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