#sleep-talking
200 followers??!! Y’all are wild.
UW:“Why?”
Pause
Me:“Why what?”
UW:“Why did you paint the puppies?”
UW:“Please stop baking cakes full of quarters.”
Me:“I promise I will.”
UW (in an accusatory tone): “That’s what you always say.”
“Don’t let Gonzaga get away.”
— Uncle Walter, sleep talking
UW:“I do like it when you’ve got…”
Me:“When I’ve got what?”
UW:“Like the agent. And everything lines up. It’s nice and clean.”
“Brand new, freshly picked.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
Sleeping Uncle Walter: grabs my left boob. Twice.
Me: Looks down to see why.
UW: “That’s not a screwdriver.”
No, Uncle Walter, no it is not.
UW: “That won’t help me fix the pool.”
Please note, we do not have a pool.
“No. You can’t be a hero. You have to let other people do stitches, too.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“We’ve got to be close for Mister Happy.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“How many sprinkles do we need to cure the disease?”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“I’m glad that in some ways I can bring you some joy.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“This little guy is really done.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“Geostorm. That was a weird movie.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“Thank you for not peeing in the bed.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“I hope (UW’s Sister) liked her tombstone.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“Thank you for not planting pistachio trees in all my shoes.”
Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“You have to learn to trust someone before we run out of taco seasonings.”
— Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“I’ll take Insomnia for 500, Alex.”
— Uncle Walter, sleep talking
“You have to kill the mushrooms.”
— Uncle Walter, sleep talking
UW:What time is it?
Me:One twenty one.
UW:Okay, good.
UW: (farts loudly)
UW: (rolls over, wraps an arm around me, and pats my belly) That means I love you.
