#uncle walter

LIVE

UW:“Why?”

Pause

Me:“Why what?”

UW:“Why did you paint the puppies?”

UW:“Please stop baking cakes full of quarters.”

Me:“I promise I will.”

UW (in an accusatory tone): “That’s what you always say.”

stemroses:

textsfromunclewalter:

You may remember that Uncle Walter works in a government building.

Not long ago, I received this text from him.

You need to understand, this display case is right next to a photo of the Director of the government organization.

The following day there was a note left by the person who had changed the case the day before. He explained that he has a very stressful job and that Twilight brings him happiness, so he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Then went on to explain why he was Team Jacob.

Sadly, the day after that the display was removed.

Unfortunately I have no photos of this. Photography is not allowed in the building.

I hope that person is doing ok

Well, sadly we don’t know who they are, but UW says that there’s now a picture of Jasper on a nearby bulletin board.

In general, they let people have their coping mechanisms. Apparently there’s a whole subset of military personnel who are HUGE Bronies. Like, military base, everyone in their very proper uniforms, offices just *covered* in pastel ponies. People find ways to handle the stress. UW’s division dresses up a skeleton, Skeleton Bob, for holidays and special occasions.

This is our Skeleton Bob at home, in one of the outfits his twin wears at work. This is his Thanksgiving outfit, and one of his many Santa hats.

You may remember that Uncle Walter works in a government building.

Not long ago, I received this text from him.

You need to understand, this display case is right next to a photo of the Director of the government organization.

The following day there was a note left by the person who had changed the case the day before. He explained that he has a very stressful job and that Twilight brings him happiness, so he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Then went on to explain why he was Team Jacob.

Sadly, the day after that the display was removed.

Unfortunately I have no photos of this. Photography is not allowed in the building.

Sooooo… The Boy tested positive on the 24th. My PCR hasn’t come back, but home test and symptoms say I’m positive, too. Uncle Walter is at his aunt and uncle’s house. The Kid is isolating in other parts of the house.

The Boy and The Kid have both Pfizer shots, but hadn’t been able to get boosters yet (The Kid gets his tomorrow). Uncle Walter got both Pfizer shots and a Pfizer booster. I had 3 full Moderna doses.

The Boy seems to be okay. It’s more like a regular cold for him.

I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. My immune system is severely compromised. Right now I’m just hoping it doesn’t get worse.

We’ve been so careful. I double mask, wash & sanitize, barely leave the house. The Boy has been careful, too, and ONLY goes to school. But his school has had the most infections in our county.

PLEASE get vaccinated. Please wear masks. Please wash your hands properly. Please, please, PLEASE stay home. I know everyone wants to be able to spend time with their families. But you know what? We wanted to spend time together, too.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

— The Wife

UW:“I do like it when you’ve got…”

Me:“When I’ve got what?”

UW:“Like the agent. And everything lines up. It’s nice and clean.”

“Brand new, freshly picked.”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

Sleeping Uncle Walter: grabs my left boob. Twice.

Me: Looks down to see why.

UW: “That’s not a screwdriver.”

No, Uncle Walter, no it is not.

UW: “That won’t help me fix the pool.”

Please note, we do not have a pool.

Uncle Walter: on the phone with some probably military government representative, talking them through troubleshooting some sort of problem with an apparently important, sensitive computer program, in some vague, non-classified language that I don’t really understand.

Also Uncle Walter: casually leaving the tv playing where it is BLASTING a song about a WHOREHOUSE.

This man lacks social awareness occasionally.

“No. You can’t be a hero. You have to let other people do stitches, too.”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

“How many sprinkles do we need to cure the disease?”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

“I’m glad that in some ways I can bring you some joy.”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

“Geostorm. That was a weird movie.”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

How can he manage the pseudo smut so well and misspell simple words?

“Thank you for not peeing in the bed.”

Uncle Walter, sleep talking

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