#spiteful musings

Drawing blorbo being a little meow meow, unhinged and without reprieve >>>>

Drawing blorbo cuddling with their new found family >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The older I get, the more I actively avoid listening to other people’s negative opinions on a Thing I Love. Don’t like Critical Role? Cool. I won’t talk with you about it ever. Don’t like Mob Psycho 100? Ignoring your opinions, then. Don’t like the 2022 Batman film? Muting you for a bit.

I’m so burned out from critic culture and this insistent need to document why you didn’t like something. I’m guilty of it too, larping as some high-paid critic anytime I mention the Star Wars sequels.  But it ruins my experience as a fan. As if my opinion isn’t as valued if I don’t recognize all of the “bad” in what I see. I’m tired of these critics dictating what’s good or not. I’m going to watch my stupid DnD podcast and block the critics. For mental health reasons.

Big follower counts mean nothing. You chase after them your whole life, vying for it the moment you discovered what a content creator was, when YouTube was fresh and the idea of people making money by just being themselves seemed so new yet obtainable. So you slave over yourself and spend countless hours trying to better that one skill because you think that talent alone can get you there. But it doesn’t. It requires luck and algorithms and chasing after things that you’re not actually interested in but you trick yourself into being interested in, because that’s what everyone is talking about right now and you want to be close with people and like you’re a part of the popular kids. You’ve long graduated high school, but that desire to seem popular never fades. 

And maybe you get there. You get that big following. You get that content creator notice. Your post goes viral, and you’re the talk of the timeline and dash. You feel that high – that sudden excitement that bubbles like fireworks in your tummy, and you’re so happy. Until suddenly, a week later, people don’t remember who you are or why they should care. You can’t gather the courage to talk to that content creator, and perhaps when you do, they weren’t all they cracked up to be, because they’re just as broken and awkward and boringly human as you are. 

But the craving of those endorphins when you first went viral is still there, so you try again. You run to make more content about the Thing You Don’t Really Like But Pretend You Do because that’s what made you famous before. And maybe it works. Maybe you get even more likes this time around. But the feeling is not as fresh and alien as the first time and the disappointment hits you hard. The disappointment keeps growing as time goes on, and suddenly you’re 6k followers in, and you realize that you don’t like them anymore because they make you feel so stressed because they’re only following you for that One Thing That You Pretend to Like But Don’t. Stress comes resentment, and resentment leads to you moving on to previous interests. Honest interests. You start making content for yourself, but you get a fraction of the interaction you’ve gotten for the past several months. Because you’ve survived on likes and follows for the past year, when they trickle in like water from a clogged pipe, you wonder if something is wrong with you. If you’re simply talentless and the likes are finally reflecting that. You are despondent. Your confidence wavers.

And then, on a whim, you go back to your one tiny account where there are maybe ten people who talk to you, but they’re real. They were there when you were the most raw and honest about your interests, and they care about the things you care about. You make a small post about how much you like hobbits or Marvel or bugs, and they’re still there, emphatically agreeing with you, and you realize:

This. This is what matters. These ten people, in this tiny group, who aren’t chasing after likes or clout or follows. These ten people who are emphatically themselves, whom you’ve built a friendship with. These are the people who matter. And your honest passions of things you love, uninfluenced by the rapid pace of social media, will keep you satisfied far longer than a couple viral posts.