#spock reads star wars
This is several books ago now, but it haunts me. I will say that one thing I was NOT expecting from the star wars novels was lando (in his very first book) being stripped to his underwear and tied to a tree to die of exposure, and yes surviving (barely) but losing toes to frostbite. Like. Aughhhh. no no no, dislike, I can do a lot of physical torment stuff, and whatever sci fi medicine they were doing that early in canon gave him new and improved toes, but AGHHHH
I’m just sitting here, minding my own business, and star wars starts bullying me
Gdi, apart from the unfortunate smoking habit, this man is pure husband material. And he’s had a good few decades to kick the smoking, I’m sure it’s fine. He’s just so relentlessly charming! He keeps money in concealed compartments in his cummerbund! At least once per book he describes his outfit with all the care of a teen girl novel protagonist! It usually involves velvet!!! And, unrelated but an excellent bonus, he lives a life surrounded by a surprising numbers of tentacles, I require him to wed me posthaste
For the record, the episode vi novelization is a fucking TRIP, this makes two books in a row that have been pleasant to read
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Anyways, the number of times han has been referred to as ‘the corellian’ is stupid and I refuse to agree it was good writing even in 1980, because it has been relevant precisely zero times in four books. What does that even mean. I’m going to pick a friend and start referring to her as the 'south carolinan’, because it will be slightly more informative than “”“the corellian”“”
(no, but if there is academic work on like, epithet density in fiction over time, or by genre, I’m interested! Just also sleepy and lazy)
Why do these books insist on including the most unsettling possible absolutely unnecessary character details? I had been pondering the absolute bananas saturation of epithets across three different authors of the era, but whoops, I am going to be thinking about r2-d2’s “metal nose,” and that has ALSO reminded me of how bizarrely fixated on robots smelling things the first book was. These were two separate authors, and by episode V, you knew artoo didn’t have a nose, guys, come ON
(mind the racism for whenever the first book talks about jawas, it gets uhhh pretty gross)
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And I’m not going to collect screencaps because the episode V novelization is…. so bland compared to episode IV, even with significantly reduced racism, but this book’s fixation on robot innards is ALSO bizarre. I spent a lot of time whispering to my screen ‘are you sure this isn’t a sex thing’
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These are not long books!!! Why are robot noses such a critical ingredient! Alan Dean Foster? Donald F. Glut? Did you have anything to say for yourselves?
I don’t know about you, but
I definitely see this little gremlin man and I think ‘bell-like peals of laughter’
Additionally, Han Solo is having fun building himself a floating house that’s gonna hover out past the edge of Bespin City, and yes i KNOW this is a fanciful sci fi universe and also a children’s book, but I’m a reliability engineer and I just whispered the quietest, most broken ‘don’t’ at my phone screen
AHAHAHAHA 1992 COMING OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A SICK DUNK ON BOBA FETT
