I saw this postby@knifelesbianjo about Dean and Cas turning back to look at each other one last time and got unreasonablyemotional about it. And this scene with Cas, in front of the portal to Purgatory gets me every time. (Of course, hurt!Cas scenes are my weakness.)
I thought there was no way I could draw this but somehow it worked?
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Words:3,222 Sam x Reader Warnings:none! Summary: Y/N’s sister is at the bunker door and Sam and Y/N must deal with the fall-out. A/N: This is the final part of this series, although there MAY be an epilogue at some point soon. I hope you’re all happy with an ending that is a long time coming! This is what I had planned for this fic, although it feels strange to end it immediately after such a long hiatus, but I hope it gives you the right feels.
Sam felt his hands clench into fists. It sent a twinge up his arm underneath his cast. The muscle in his jaw twitched as he looked at your sister, trying to come up with some innocuous reason for her being there. He finally let out a heavy sigh and his eyes fell to the floor. “I don’t think there’s really anything we have to say to each other,” he said quietly.
She took a step forward and his eyes lifted up and stopped her in her tracks. “I—I understand why you don’t have anything to say to me,” she said, wringing her hands. “And that’s okay. But I do have some things to say to you. If you could just listen. Just for a minute.”
Sam’s stomach twisted with nerves, but he took in the earnest and anxious look on her face and finally nodded. “Fine.”
She hesitated for a moment, nerves silencing her briefly until she could unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth. “First—I just—I’m so sorry… I don’t deserve forgiveness from you, and I’m not asking for it. There’s—there’s no possible excuse for what I did. I don’t have one. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. I won’t say ‘I never meant to hurt you,’ because I knew that it would hurt. And I knew you would probably find out eventually… But I was selfish. I was—you didn’t deserve that. You deserve so much better than that.”
Sam gulped and stared at her, perplexed and a little apprehensive about where this was going.
“And I guess that’s why I’m here; because you do deserve better than that, and I’m not it,” she said, her cheeks coloring with guilt and shame. “We were okay when we started dating, but—I don’t think we were even ever great, you know?” She studied his handsome face and sighed, clasping her hands together nervously. “Even in the beginning, we were never great.”
Sam shifted uncomfortably. It was true. There had been good times in the beginning, but even then, something always felt… not whole, not complete. Something seemed to be missing. He hadn’t known at the time what it was and he’d talked himself into believing he was happy, but now he knew he’d always wanted you. Quite simply, he and your sister just weren’t a good match. But Sam so badly wanted some part of his life to be normal. He wanted some part of his life to work. And then there was the fear in the back of his mind that if he broke it off with her, he’d lose you too. And that was an unbearable thought, even if he didn’t register it consciously.
“I think—I think eventually I realized that you were starting to pull back,” she went on. “It didn’t happen all at once, but suddenly there was such a distance between us. Or, I don’t know. Maybe it’d always been there and I’d just been masking it with ‘new relationship’ flutters, you know?” Sam felt a pang of guilt at these words. “I felt like I was a part of something. Close to my sister, close to you and Dean, who she was always gushing about…”
“It wasn’t anything you did,” Sam said softly. “The distance. It wasn’t—"
She lifted a hand to reassure him that she wasn’t laying blame on him. “I know. I know that… And you do deserve better from the person you’re with, but so do I. And neither of us was getting what we wanted, what we needed. And that’s where it should have ended. But instead, I just—” She sighed and hung her head, her eyes closing in regret. “I fucked up. I wanted all of it. I was afraid to lose what I had if I went looking for more and didn’t find it. So, I snuck around and I cheated and I hurt you… and maybe lost my sister in the process… And I’m just so sorry.” Sam could hear the depth of her remorse and regret. There was a thick, heavy silence before she went on. “But I’m determined that something good comes out of this whole mess.” She studied his face for another long moment and Sam shifted uneasily again, waiting with bated breath to see where in the hell this was all going…
She continued in a soft voice that rang true with goodhearted care. “That distance? The holding back that I felt from you? There’s a reason for it. And I think I was in denial about it, purposefully forcing myself to be unaware. But I’ve had a lot of time to think since this all happened, a lot of time to replay everything and now looking back, hindsight being 20/20, I wish I’d acknowledged it ages ago. I could have prevented a lot of bad feelings for both of us.”
Sam’s heart was pounding in his chest and he anxiously slipped his uninjured hand into his pocket and shifted again.
Your sister suddenly laughed lightly, good-naturedly and it caught Sam off-guard. “Kind of seems like I was an idiot now not to realize it sooner…”
“Uhh—realize what?”
She smiled at him, a little pensive smile. “The way you lit up whenever she came in the room. How the two of you always seemed to be standing so close. How you each stole glances at the other when you weren’t looking. The late nights and deep talks you had with her that we never had… Your god-awful same sense of humor. How you’d always stare just a little too long when she was walking away, how’d you’d be looking at her instead of at me… I didn’t want to see it at the time, but it explains the way we drifted apart. And I guess it’s better late than never,” she said with a dry laugh. “The distance, the holding back? Sam, you’re in love with Y/N. And the two of you are—” she shrugged, “much better suited for each other than you and I will ever be.” She gulped, her eyes searching his face and trying to get a read on him. “And the last thing I want is to be the one that keeps the two of you apart any longer. You both deserve to be happy. And it’s about time I let this all go. So, please get off your ass and do something about it with a guilt-free conscience. That’s really why I came here.”
Sam’s mouth dropped partially open and his eyebrows lifted in understanding and relief. He let out a wry laugh and brushed a hand through his hair. “Uhh—” He stared down for a moment at his shoes. “I’ve got to say that I’m—extremely relieved to hear you say that,” he said, hazarding a glance up at her. She tilted her head inquisitively, her eyebrows lifting. “You’re right. About all of it. And there are plenty of things I should apologize to you for—”
“There aren’t,” she interrupted.
Sam shook his head. “There are. I was… unavailable to you. And you’re right when you say that we both deserve better than that. I won’t say that it didn’t hurt or that I wasn’t angry about how this all ended… but what’s done is done.” She smiled fondly at him and felt a sense of relief and peace come over her. She’d played this conversation in her head a million times before she had the courage to show up, imagining the worst-case scenario and the best… and even the best hadn’t gone this well. “But, uhh—” Sam rubbed a hand over his mouth and let out a nervous laugh. “Your timing is pretty impeccable.” She gave him another questioning look. “I got off my ass finally and did something about it. Just—like, last night.”
A genuine laugh bubbled out of her and Sam smiled because it sounded so much like yours. “You’re joking.”
“Thank God I’m not,” he said with a grin. “I—I hope that isn’t weird for you to hear?”
“Weird? Are you kidding? Besides needing to apologize to you in person… like I said, it’s the entire reason I’m here. I—I hope it went well?” Sam’s smile widened into a grin and she laughed again. “I’m so glad. I really, really am.” But her smile faded a little quickly and Sam rocked on his feet.
“I don’t think you lost your sister,” he said. Her eyes shot back up to his. “She’s right downstairs. If you’d like to see her.”
“Would—would she see me? She sounded pretty pissed when we last spoke…”
Sam nodded. “You know, I think she would,” he reassured her. “Just wait here in the front room and—I’ll go get her. If you want?”
She hesitated a moment longer before she nodded, her eyes look a little glassy. Sam led her down the stairs and headed back toward the kitchen.
Dean was leaned up against the kitchen counter, his green eyes following your progress as you hobbled back and forth across the room endlessly. “Would you please for the love of my sanity and your goddamn leg, sit down?” he growled.
You only shot him another anxious and somewhat annoyed look. “No! How the hell am I supposed to sit still right now?” you remarked heatedly. “She’s—she’s—UGH!” You rubbed your hands over your face. “This is the worst. This is the worst possible timing… what could she possibly—” Your mind was whirling with anxious thoughts and scenarios. “What if—what if Sam gets back together with her?”
Dean let out an aghast laugh. “Are you out of your mind? The guy just admitted he’s in love with you after pining for you for months, maybe even years! Why the hell would he do that? You were just about to tell him that you’re in love with him. I could tell! I know it! That isn’t just going to go away.” Dean watched as your face blanched.
“Oh, God. Oh—oh my God,” you suddenly murmured, leaning onto the counter.
“W—what? What’s the matter?” Dean urged, now genuinely worried by your reaction.
“She’s—Dean, what if she’s here because she’s pregnant?” you asked, your expression tortured. “Sam’s—Sam would want to do the right thing! He wouldn’t be able to—”
But a smug look grew on Dean’s face and he let out a gruff laugh.
“How the hell could you possibly be laughing right now?!”
“Look, this may be TMI, but I’m pretty sure that’s not likely,” he said.
“How the fuck would YOU know?!”
“First of all, I found her chick anti-baby pills or whatever one time and second of all, I’mmmm pretty sure there hasn’t been much of anything happening in the bedroom between those two for, uhh—quite a while…”
You weren’t sure whether to feel relieved or disgusted or concerned about why Dean knew this. Maybe all three. “…why would you know that?”
“It’s not like I was listening at the door! Jesus! Don’t look at me like I’m a perv!”
You cocked your head, your brow furrowed. “You can be kind of a perv…”
“Alright, that’s fair… BUT. He’s my damn brother! We’ve shared motel rooms since we were kids. I know his, uhh, frustrated habits, shall we say?”
“…You’re telling me that you know Sam so well you can tell when he isn’t getting laid by some sort of sexually frustrated tell, like this is an abstinence poker game?”
Dean looked proud of himself and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”
You looked skeptical. “Uh huh… and what is it exactly?”
Dean laughed again. “It’s not rocket science! The guy gets particularly OCD about me getting water on the bathroom floor when I take a shower or about me leaving dirty glasses around. Basically, he turns into our dad, the anal-retentive Marine veteran. One time Sam stepped in a puddle of water in his socks after I’d cleaned up and I really thought he was going to murder me. I tried to take him out the next night and set him up with this super-hot brunette at the motel bar but—”
“Alright! That’s enough!” you groaned. “Ugh… Why did I think this conversation would help…” you murmured, slumping over on the kitchen island.
“What’s the matter?”
You spun around to see Sam standing in the doorway and you straightened up, a worry line creased between your brows. “What’s going on?” you asked hesitantly.
Sam smiled widely and closed the gap between the two of your quickly, clasping your face gently and crashing his lips down onto yours in a fiery kiss that left you feeling dazed and weak at the knees. You almost stumbled backwards to regain your balance but Sam’s hand on your lower back steadied you.
“Get a room!” Dean scoffed from the other side of the kitchen, but he was roundly ignored.
Sam brushed your hair away from your face when you broke apart and you were just looking up at him with a doe-eyed expression that made him laugh. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “She came to apologize and—” he shook his head and laughed again.
“What?” you pressed him.
“—and inform me that I’m in love with you,” he explained, giving you a pointed look.
You stared at him, stunned, trying to process what he’d just said.
“And she wants her sister back,” he added. “I told her that I didn’t think she really lost you in the first place,” he said.
You felt a bubble of emotion grow in your chest, fit to burst, and you nodded as you looked up at Sam. He wrapped you into a tight hug briefly, and then laced his fingers with yours and started back toward the hallway. “Wait—” You stopped him and he looked back at you. “She’s—she’s okay with this?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I really think she is. That’s why she’s here. She said you and I deserve to be happy.”
You blinked away the tears stinging your eyes and nodded, following Sam out and under the high ceilings of the war room. And there she was. Your sister. Standing nervously in the middle of the room, her hands wringing anxiously. You gulped and let Sam help you hobble across the floor to her.
“Hi,” she said weakly, almost afraid to meet your eyes.
“Hey,” you returned.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Sam said, his hand slipping from your lower back. Your sister watched the way you glanced at him over your shoulder, and how he looked back at the threshold. Anyone could see that the eye contact between the two of you was magnetic and there was an unmistakable softness.
“I guess the big, dramatic newsflash I thought I was bringing wasn’t needed,” your sister said.
You turned and met her eyes, your cheeks coloring. There was a tense pause and then she blurted out, “I’m sorry” at the same time as you burst out with the same thing. The two of you gave each other surprised looks before you both started laughing with relief.
“Me first,” she said. “I’m so sorry I lied to you. And—and about all the rest of it. I behaved like a piece of shit…”
You sighed. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you.”
“You shouldn’t be,” she said, shaking her head. “You weren’t. I deserved it.”
Another long silence settled before she stepped forward suddenly and wrapped you in a tight hug. You returned it eagerly, wrapping your arms around her and squeezing extra tight.
“I’m so happy for you and Sam. Truly,” she murmured into your shoulder.
You pulled back, hesitant. “Are you? Really? I was worried—”
She shook her head. “It feels like our relationship ended a long time ago. I shouldn’t have held on so long. Any idiot could see he was already gone,” she said with a sad smile. “I’m not here to charge back into your life or anything. I need to find my own place in the universe but—I miss my sister,” she said, a tear breaking free and rolling down her cheek. She hurriedly wiped it away.
“I’m right here. You’ve still got me,” you said. “And I miss you too. Even when I don’t like you, I still love you. We’re family.”
“But you and Sam need space. You deserve space,” she said. “I’m gonna stay back home for a while. Figure out who I am and what the hell I’m doing with my life.”
“You have to at least stay for dinner,” came a voice from the doorway. Sam. “I insist.”
Your sister glanced at you with a question on her brow. You nodded. “Please.”
She smiled and nodded. “If you’ll have me.”
You linked your arm with her, and although you hadn’t completely forgiven her, you felt like a weight you hadn’t realized you were carrying on your shoulders was suddenly gone. But your thoughts were quickly interrupted.
“Um—Are you going to tell me what the hell you did to yourself?” she asked, watching you limp and taking in the bruises she could see.
You laughed. “Oh, you know. Witches. The usual.”
Sam linked his hand with yours as you reached him, and the three of you found Dean in the kitchen. His initial reception of your sister was understandably icy, but he warmed slowly as you all sat down over a beer and he watched you and Sam interacting with her easily. That meant something, and that was good enough for him.
After dinner, you hugged her tightly again and she waved from the threshold of the door leading outside, promising to call. As Sam shut the door behind her and heaved a relieved sigh you grinned at him.
“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” he said as he reached the bottom of the stairs. His hands landed on your hips.
“Me either,” you agreed, smiling up at him. “But I’m relieved. I didn’t realize how worried and stressed I was about it.”
“We can’t have that,” Sam said. He bent and kissed the top of your head as you wrapped your arms around him tightly and leaned against his strong chest. “I’ve got a favor to ask you,” he said.
“Hmm?”
“Would you let me hold you all night? You seem to be a magic cure for poor sleep,” he said, feeling a little sheepish asking but wanting it more than anything.
You grinned. “That isn’t a favor. That sounds perfect.” The apples of your cheeks glowed pink with a blush and for once in your life everything felt right and you were just happy right where you were.
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