#survivng

When first diagnosed with cancer it feels like your whole world fell underneath your feet. You worry about natural things like work, family, friends, bills, sex, and making it through. It’s almost like you have hit ‘rock bottom.’ My Father always told me that “When you hit the bottom, there is only one way to go, and that is back up.” Of course, the climb back up is hard and it feels like you’ll never reach the top, but each day is a new day of discovery. You may feel defeated or even tell yourself, “I can’t do it anymore.” Remember, you are the only one that matters to yourself. So if you give up, then it is only you that has failed. A rose cannot show its true beauty until it has climbed the terrace. You can be the same. Keep climbing and building your self esteem each day. One day you will bloom and prove that you were strong enough to make the journey.

Comfortable

I love my bed! It’s the one place where I am completely comfortable. It engulfs my body and relaxes me. During my treatments for cancer, I found that I was sleeping a lot. My body needed the rest. I needed an escape. So my bed became my haven. Whenever I would lie down I would fill my thoughts with beautiful scenery and would meditate myself to sleep. Not only did sleep help my body to heal, it gave my mind a break. I didn’t have to worry. All I had to do was lay down and dream my worries away. This was my time out, my comfort zone, and my sanity. Still to this day if something bothers me or my body can’t take anymore, I will go and lie down and put my worries to rest. Everyone needs a comfort zone. Find something that takes your mind off your troubles and indulge in that activity. You will find that it eases your burdens and stabilizes your thoughts.

Harassed

Cancer completely stopped my current life style. I wasn’t given a choice. One day I am dancing the next day I am dying. The day I went to the hospital was the day my life changed forever. I was very upset and at times I still feel the harassment of change. I am not as strong as I used to be. I can no longer dance and I have to walk with a cane. Everything about who I was is gone. I had to reinvent myself. Sometimes I am left confused and angry. Other times I feel grateful and strong. There is not a day that goes by, I don’t feel empty and forgotten. I have to remember that my life was spared. Even though I have limitations, I know I can be successful as long a I know my life will continue cancer free. I don’t know if I could handle another battle. I don’t think my body would be strong enough.