#the fight

For years I’ve struggled with depression and plenty more and I’ve had a pretty rough time recently where I’ve found myself jobless, broke and living off of couches. I’ve had periods where I’ve almost succumb to the depression again and let it consume me.

But honestly I feel like I’m in a much better place lately. I’ve been able to control my emotions better. I still get sad sure, but I’m able to push through and not let it consume me. Tonight I feel alone and unwanted and like a disappointment. But I know that tomorrow I’ll smile and feel genuine enjoyment. And I know that I’m starting to get my life on track and I’m ready to settle into my responsibilities and to properly adult.

I don’t have reliable income lined up and repeatedly everyone who offers me a job then just disappears without a word. But I’m still pushing on and I feel like the vibes are better.

So yes I still get sad and upset and alone. But I know now that, it’s not part of my depression and they’re just emotions that don’t rule me anymore. I can move past them and cope.

I’ve gained a better outlook on life and a sense of positivity and optimism. I grew really close with a new friend recently and it really helped open up my mind to my past and allowed me to garner some control of myself and a realisation of the inner workings of my head and desires. I’m really grateful to meet somebody who genuinely understands and can relate very specifically to everything I’ve been through, it’s so rare and uncommon to find that mutual deeper level of understanding and I hope it lasts.