#tiny buddha
“You get what you ask for. If you want to disappear, you got it. If you want to be seen and heard, you can have that too. Disappearing is much easier, I have to say. It doesn’t take much energy to shut up and fade away. What’s much more challenging is acknowledging to yourself that you’re worthy of being here and facing the pain that’s required of being seen.” - Michelle D’Avella
When I was in highschool I let my social anxiety completely take control of my life. I disappeared. I didn’t interact with anyone, talk to anyone, participate in class or whatsoever. Barely anyone in my class knew my name.
And it’s true, disappearing and giving up is so easy, but to have a lifestyle where no one acknowledges you or where you stop expressing yourself is much harder.
Now I’m trying my best to challenge my social anxiety and open up to my surroundings, I got sick of being invisible, I want to be seen.
It is hard and very mentally challenging for me, but I want to change.
There are some events in life that occur which seem to break your world apart…or it feels like that at least.
I remember the first time when it felt like my world was ending. The night before it happened I was restless and I felt happy like everything was starting to make sense. And so I woke up with a smile on my face. I started to hum as I got ready for school… as random as it sounds I still remember the weird taste of the toothpaste. I was brushing my teeth when I got the news. She had passed away. That one phone call changed me forever. Going from quite a high to a depressing low…it all felt strange. In that moment, I fell back into reality. I woke up…I really woke up. At that time I didn’t know it but that would just be the start…there were more bad things to come.
I can say that this quote is in fact true. Life Goes On. You might think it’s all coming down and it won’t get better but it does and it’s good when it does.
I won’t lie and say that it lasts because for me the good times have never lasted! Maybe because I’ve never let them…or it’s just the way life is meant be. You can’t always be happy but then you can’t always be sad either!
I’m soon going to be entering a new phase in my life and I’ve decided that next year I will be travelling and I will somehow get to Italy. I’m trying to follow my instincts here - for many years I’ve been wanting to go but something has always come up. Next year will be the year! Travelling will be a good opportunity to find myself and do a bit of ‘soul-searching’ - as you do! :)
Next year I will do things differently and open myself up to different opportunities. I won’t let little things get to me. Instead I will accept them and move on!
