#top fanfiction
The wedge between us ~ Part seven
Moodboard made by @fantasyworldbb as usual
A/N ~ Ummm yeah, sorry guys but I had to throw another bomb into it for it to work out in future chapters lol. This chapter reveals Jiyong’s past relationship with the MC and a secret about her that only he knows, it is told in Jiyong’s POV. Happy Easter, oh and before I forget… @tabis-eyebrows suck it Jen, I love you xoxoxo
Theme ~ Friends AU
Pairing ~ Choi Seung Hyun X Reader
Rated ~ Angsty angst angst
Warning ~ Language and possible mental illness trigger warnings
Series Masterlist
Fear rushed over Jiyong as he tread carefully amongst the broken glass that lay scattered across the carpet, red droplets stained between shards, the house dead quiet as he approached the bedroom door.
“Hyung?” he called anxiously as his hand pushed the door open, his other clutching tighter on the book he was holding, so tight that the tips of his fingers began to burn and turn white.
“Leave me alone” Seung hyun answered softly.
Although his voice was croaky like he had been crying for days, the sound of him caused a sigh of relief in Jiyong, the scene outside his room mixed with the fact he hadn’t heard from him in almost a week sparked his worst fears.
His shoulders relaxed, as did his grip on the book as he stepped inside the room and asked “What happened? Where’s Noona?”
“She left” he replied as he turned to lay on his side, away from Jiyongs prying eyes.
“Why? What happened?”
“I told her…..” Seung hyun’s body curled up into itself as he spoke. “And she ran away”
“Hyung, you have to take it easy with her, you know what she’s like” Jiyong said with a sigh as he sat next to him, his hand coming to rest on his shoulder, attempting to soothe him.
“I know but I couldn’t hold it in anymore” he took a deep breath as he wiped away his own tear. “She looked so down after you guys left, I wanted to get her smile back, like she had when we were talking at dinner but I fucked up”
“What do you mean?”
“We… I….” Seung hyun paused as his mind flooded with the fight you had had, the memory of you hitting and screaming at him before breaking down. The way you cried and clung at his chest as he held you tightly and the feeling of relief he had when he finally said it, when he finally told you he loved you and you didn’t run away.
He clenched his fist as he thought about the last part, how he felt before he fell asleep, believing you would stay, that everything had magically become better just by him saying those words.
“Hyung” Jiyong uttered with a knowing sigh.
“I know, I fucked up, again. All I ever do is fuck up, especially with her”
“It’ll be fine, I promise”
“No it won’t, she left. I told her how I feel, how I’ve always felt and she snuck out in the middle of the night without a goodbye or even a note. She doesn’t want me, after everything I did, she doesn’t want to be with me”
“Hyung, it’s gonna be ok, trust me” He whispered trying to subdue him but his kind gestures didn’t seem to be working. Jiyong gave up, he knew what he had to do to fix this and he was in the wrong place to do that. Determined that he knew what was right, he stood up. “I’ll be back, in the meantime, I think you should read this”
Seung hyun felt something hit the bed with a thud, he turned over to see a book laying beside him. He picked it up, his eyes glossing over when he read the cover. Crossed stars.
Jiyong knocked on the door, waiting for an answer, waiting for a sign you were there and he was at the right place. His thoughts shifting to the night he found you crying in the forest.
Jiyong had begun to get worried when Seung hyun returned with a stern look on his face but not you. He knew that had only meant one thing, you two had had another fight.
He checked every room in the house but you were nowhere to be found, he panicked at the idea you could have wandered off in the state you were in and gotten lost or worse.
He rushed out of the house, looking for any sign he could that you had at least been there as he called your phone. Just as he was about to check the lake, he heard a faint tune coming from the trees by the house.
The further in he went, the louder the tune became but there was something else accomaning it. He hung up, ready to call again when he figured it out. The thing he could hear was your sobs and from what he could hear, you were far from in a good state.
He let the sound lead him to where you were, his heart broke as soon as he saw you curled up on the ground, alone and crying in the dark.
“Kitten?” he called softly as he bent down to your level and brushed the hair away from your face. You looked up at him, your face contorting and your brow furrowed, your hand clutching at your chest as you clearly fought with the pain of your heart breaking.
“I’m done, Jiyong, I’m done with him”
“What happened?” Jiyong asked, his eyes darting around at your face that showed the pain you were feeling.
“He…” was all you managed to get out before you broke down, your head falling back into the dirt as you seemed to give in and let it take over.
Jiyong exhaled loudly before he spoke “Come inside and we’ll talk about it”
He knew what you said wasn’t the truth but he felt relieved you were finally admitting your feelings.
You nodded at him, he reached out and helped you up. You staggered as you rose to your feet, Jiyong let out an annoyed sigh as he snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side before heading to the house.
He couldn’t believe that Seung hyun had left you there, alone and cold, suffering in the dark and especially in the state you were in. Without even noticing, his hands balled into fists as he thought about it, the one around you, clenched at the fabric of your jacket.
“I’m sorry Ji” you mumbled through your now soft cries before hanging your head.
Your soft voice, brought him back and he released the tight grip his fist had on your clothes. He didn’t answer, he couldn’t answer in fear of saying the wrong thing to you but he had to reassure you. He pulled you closer into him, your head rested on his shoulder as your hand clung to his shirt.
He could feel your body relax as soon as you stepped inside the house, the hand you had on his chest seemed to fall away.
“Wait here and I’ll get you some water” he said in a soothing tone as he stroked your hair.
Your head lifted from his shoulder along with your body from his side, Jiyong threw his arms out to catch you as you stumbled to stand on your own. He pulled you to face him but your eyes stayed fixed on the floor. “Are you ok?”
You nodded in response, your eyes finally lifting from your feet to meet his but they stopped at his chest as your brows furrowed and you asked with a slur “What’s that?”
He looked down at his shirt, the white material stained with a dark brown and a bright red. His own brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what it was, suddenly he remembered the warmth of your hand at his chest, the exact spot.
Without a word, he grabbed your hand and pulled it up. Its palm covered in dirt and leaves with a ruby red color sparkling back at him, he pulled a leaf away, blood trickled down your palm from a gash that he had exposed.
“What is it?” you asked as you tried to pull your hand away. He didn’t want you to see it, he didn’t want you to worry, he tightened his grip on your wrist and began to pull you away.
“It’s nothing, just come with me” he replied softly.
You surprised him by doing as he said and keeping quiet the whole way, you were normally stubborn but something in your behaviour was different and it caused an unsettling feeling to rise up in him.
He silently guided you into his room and straight to the ensuite, he finally let go of your wrist to turned on the taps. Your body rested on the bench with a thump, the sound causing him to glance at you. His eyebrows knotted as he watched you stare at your hand with a smile on your face, your eyes seemed to sparkle in the light, your head tilting slightly like you were in a trance.
“Let me clean it” his voice low and soft, almost stolen by the silence in the room.
You let out a chuckle before offering him your hand, the same smile still painted on your lips but the sparkle in your eyes held something different, like you were keeping something painful locked inside but it was trying to break through in your gaze.
He swallowed the sinking feeling in his chest as he cupped your hand and gently guided it to the running water. You didn’t flinch, you didn’t even make a sound when he touched the wound and brushed it off, not even once he was done and drying it off with a towel. You just sat perfectly still, the same smile and look in your eyes as before but your gaze was now distant, your mind clearly elsewhere.
Guiding you to help steady your stumbling, he sat you down on the side of the bathtub, your eyes that still weren’t looking at him glistened as he cupped your cheek and his thumb stroked at its cold flesh.
“I’ll be back in a second, ok?” he asked softly, waiting for you to nod absentmindedly before he rushed out of the room to retrieve the first aid kit and return as swiftly as he could, he didn’t want you being alone for to long, not in the condition you were in.
A bitter laugh echoed from the ensuite, the sound sending a chill down his spin, he wasn’t sure why but something told him it wasn’t a good thing.
His brow furrowed as he peeked inside, you were still sat on the tub, your eyes studying your palm intensely, tears falling like rain droplets as you poked and prodded at the wound.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice twisted with anger as was his face as he lunged at you, grabbing your wrist and pulling it away.
As if in slow motion, your eyes slowly lifted to look at him, the tears still falling as the corners of your lips twisted up. That bitter laugh escaping you once again, your eyes widening with a sickening look of pleasure as you announced “I don’t feel anything”
Fear washed over him with your actions, something wasn’t right, you weren’t right. He ignored you and pushed away his fear as he began wrapping up your hand, patching it up as best he could as if it would help heal whatever was going on inside you.
He wanted to help you, to heal you in anyway he could. He hated seeing you hurt but it was all he ever seemed to see in you anymore and lately, it had grown worse.
Ever since Seung hyun started dating Jangmi, he could tell you weren’t the same. From the very first day he brought her around and introduced her as his girlfriend, you had slowly began to change, to pull away from them.
Jiyong knew why, he had always know, you were in love with Seung hyun. You were hurt when he didn’t reciprocate and instead began dating someone else. Jiyong took it upon himself to cheer you up, to help you be the best you that you could be. He stood by you whenever he could, encouraging you to believe in yourself, to open your heart to people and trying his best to keep a smile on your face.
The more Seung hyun’s presence slowly faded and became absent, the closer Jiyong got to you but with that closeness, he learned more about you than he ever thought he would. He was only ever able to catch glimpses of the true self you hid away, fleeting moments of weakness causing cracks so that the inner light you held could shine through for a mere moment.
He was caught by surprise when he first saw it, he had thought you had let them in, that you had shown yourself to them but beneath the shell they cracked, was yet another shell. You were much deeper than he anticipated, the feelings you barely showed were much more complex than he himself had experienced.
After time, you began to open up even more, relaxing and shedding that second shell you held over yourself, showing them who you truly were.
The others were just as surprised as Jiyong had been when he first saw it, with the exception of Seung hyun. He didn’t seem fazed in the slightest, nor did he comment on it with the others, bringing Jiyong to the conclusion that you had already shown this side to Seung hyun before the rest of them.
It bothered him, he didn’t know why but the thought nagged at him and stuck in the back of his mind, driving him to do more for you in anticipation that you would open up to him like you had previously done with Seung hyun by showing him a side you hadn’t shown anyone else.
The meaning behind this didn’t dawn on him until one night when he went further out of his way to cheer you up than he ever had, driving you just outside of Seoul to a hilltop with an amazing view of the city, the lights twinkling like thousands of tiny diamonds.
His heart skipped a beat as he watched you, your face soft with a smile as you looked up. The night sky drapsed behind you like a silk black sheet that sparkled, your face only slightly illuminated with the glow of the moon captivated him.
It was then that he realised it, he had feelings for you. His longing to see your smile, to have you share things with him that you hadn’t shared with anybody else wasn’t just friendship but a love blossoming from it.
But his realisation had been bittersweet, you were in love with someone else, his friend. Even with that, he knew if he left your side, you would be hurt again and he wanted to do whatever he could to avoid that. He swore he would stick by you until you found your happiness, whether it be with him or someone else.
He was willing to ignore and forget his own feelings for your sake.
Just when he placed the clasp on your bandage, he felt your hand brushing at his hair, pushing his fringe back in a soothing motion. He lifted his head to meet your gaze, your eyes full of tears and sorrow as you gazed back at him with a crooked smile.
His eyes darted around your face, watching as the smile wavered, your eyes filling with liquid over and over again before spilling down your cheeks and starting the process over again.
His heart ached for you and what you were so obviously holding in, he opened his mouth, ready to say something to cheer you up, to help you get through whatever you were hiding but found no words.
He watched as your eyes drifted down, the fake smile you held falling as your eyes landed on your bandaged hand held by his.
He had no idea what to say, what he could do to help you.
“Don’t…” your voice was so soft that had he not been watching you, he would have missed the words.
“Noona?” he asked as he reached out and took your other hand, his eyes watching you intently.
“Don’t, don’t go” you cried out, your brow furrowing and your breathing becoming rigid.
“I’m not going anywhere” he replied, more confused than ever.
“Please don’t go, don’t leave me alone” you begged desperately as you lunged out and wrapped your arms around him almost knocking him backwards.
He sighed loudly as he held you, your grip tightening as you cried into his chest and continued to beg him not to leave.
“Come on” he said in a low voice. “Let’s get you to bed”
You shook your head vigorously in his chest as he lifted you up, forcing you to our feet while he kept a tight hold on you.
He kept silent as he lead you out of the ensuite, your body even more uneasy than it had been, tripping and falling over nothing despite his tight grip.
After what seemed like a lifetime, he finally got you to your room, your body falling with a thud onto the bed in the dark room.
“Not yet” he said as he pulled you up. “You’re covered in dirt, you need to get into some clean clothes before you sleep”
“No” you shouted as you tried to push him away, your stubbornness causing him to tisk.
“Fine, at least take off your jacket and those jeans” he scolded, his brow furrowing. All he wanted to do was take care of you but it seemed a though you wouldn’t let him.
You let go of him, your hands going to remove you jacket but your fumbling feet caused you to fall back on the bed.
He sighed again, he reached out and pulled you to sit up as he said “Here, let me”
You didn’t reply, you just sat as still as your swaying would allow as he took your jacket off followed by your shirt, knowing you were wearing a singlet underneath, he could see the layer of fabric protruding from your shirt..
“I need you to stand up now, ok” he said as he pulled you up.
His hands fumbled slightly as he undid the button on your jeans, his gesture was purely innocent but he couldn’t help the racing of his heart as he undressed you.
Your hands rested firmly on his shoulders as he pulled your jeans down and helped you pull your feet out before throwing them to the side. He stood up, his hands holding your waist, ready to help you lay down but what you did next stopped him.
Your body pressed against his, your lips crashing against his own as your hand snaked around his neck and pulled him closer. For a moment, he lost himself, his mind blank as he felt your soft lips against his.
With his mind wiped, he began to kiss you back, losing himself in the moment, forgetting the condition you were in.
“I want you…” you whispered as you pulled back. His eyes snapped open at your words and darted around your face, your eyes were still closed, your head rolling back a moment later bringing him back to reality and remembering how out of it you were.
He opened his mouth, readying himself to tell you it wasn’t a good idea but you cut him off.
“To be my first…”
His eyes widened at what you had said, he knew you didn’t have much experience with dating but he had no idea that it was at this level, it was another thing you had kept well hidden from them.
“Seung hyun…. Please….”
The name that fell from your lips wasn’t his, he chuckled slightly at the fact he had thought you were asking him but of course it wasn’t, you were asking the only man you ever thought about, the only man that ever held your attention, his hyung.
He didn’t say anymore, he simply pulled back the covers and helped you get in before tucking you in. It didn’t take long before you were out cold, your body still with the deep sleep you had immediately drifted into.
“Everything will be better in the morning, I promise” he whispered as he leant in and kissed your forehead before walking out and returning to his own room, nothing good would come from him staying there.
Jiyong stared at the crack at the bottom of the door, a smirk forming on his lips as soon as he noticed a shadow moving across it.
“I know you’re there Noona, open up”
A few seconds passed before he heard the door unlocking, it flew open a moment later, your frame retreating from it.
He closed the door behind him, his eyes taking in the inside of your refuge. It was less than he thought it would be, minimalist. Your furniture wasn’t anything expensive but it seemed just about the only thing you owned, he couldn’t help but feel like something was off, that something was missing.
“I went to see Seung hyun” he said flatly as he approached you sitting in front of your computer, he could see your body tense at the other man’s name.
“And?” you asked not bothering to look away from the screen, he could tell by your defensive tone that he should tread lightly but he wasn’t sure if it were even possible with the topic he was about to bring up.
“He told me what happened”
“So you thought you would just come around here and stick your nose in my fucking business? How did you find me anyway? I don’t recall telling you where I lived now” your tongue was laced with acid as you spoke to him over your shoulder, still refusing to look at him.
“You didn’t. I contacted your editor, apparently they’re a fan of Bigbang, she was more than happy to tell me where you lived” he replied with a smug tone, he couldn’t help it, he was proud of his efforts and accomplishment that came from it.
“Did you come here to gloat or just give me a fucking lecture about how I should stop running away from my feelings?” you bit as you finally turned to face him, a snarl pulling at your top lip as you stared him down. He could tell what you were about to do just by the look on your face, he had seen it before, you were about to start a fight, your defenses were kicking in as he closed in on the subject.
“So you do still have feelings for him?”
“That’s not what I said”
“It was, basically”
“Just stay out of it Ji, for once in your life, stay the fuck out of it”
“You’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
He watched as your eyes widened, your mouth opening slightly, telling him he was right.
“That’s why you freaked out, right? It’s why you ran away?”
You turned away from him, your fingers playing with your lip as you clearly thought about what to say. Your hesitation telling him something else was at play.
“Is that it or is it something else?” he asked as he studied you closely, looking for a hint.
You didn’t reply, your eyes dropped to the ground, your fingers still pulling at your lip but more forcefully this time around.
He sighed, his eyes darting around the room as he thought about how he could get you to spill everything, how he could get you to face your feelings and your fears instead of running away from them.
That’s when he noticed it, the thing about the room that was off, the thing he couldn’t put his finger on until now. The walls were bare, as were the cupboards and table tops. He remembered your old apartment, photos were scattered everywhere, photos of you and your family but now, not a single one of them could be seen.
“Noona?” he called, his eyes still darting around the room trying to prove he was wrong, searching for a single photo. You didn’t reply, he turned to study your reaction as he asked. “What happened to all your photos?”
Your reaction was not what he expected and frankly, it scared him a little.
Without a word, your fingers stopped pulling at your lip, your face slowly turned towards him as your eyes lifted to his. You gaze was so fierce that he could almost feel the force behind them.
“Get out” was all you said as you stared him down, your face showing no emotion whatsoever.
“What?” he asked as confusion took over as to why you were reacting like this.
“Get out of my fucking house” you replied calmly before turning back to your computer.
Jiyong sighed, knowing he had done all he could do, for now. It was no use trying to reason with you when you were in this state. He knew where you were now and he knew how to find you if you disappeared again, the best thing for him to do right now was to give you time to cool down.
He took one last look at you, your attention focused on the screen as you typed ferociously. Fighting himself to keep his mouth closed, he headed for the door and opened it. His foot froze in mid step at the sound of your typing paused, he turned back in time to see you lift your head and turn it slightly as you added one last blow.
“Make sure to never show your fucking face here again, I’m done with you, all of you so just go back to how you were and stay the fuck out of my life”
Moodboard made by @fantasyworldbb
A/N ~ So I thought I would add a slight bit of sweetness in this one and then I changed my mind bahahahah. Also, as I said to @birdiewithalittlepen you go see @tabis-eyebrows for reimbursements on money spent on tissues.
Theme ~ Friends AU
Pairing ~ Choi Seung hyun X Reader
Rated ~ Angst/fluff/More angst
“Noona!” Seungri shouted as he threw his arms around you and squeezed you a little too hard. He hadn’t changed one bit, he was still the same maknae you once knew. Open, honest and accepting.
“Ahh don’t kill her before the rest of us get a chance to say hi” Taeyang scolded as he pushed Seungri out of the way, ignoring his cries of displeasure as he continued “It’s been too long” he greeted you with a large warm smile as he pulled you in for a hug.
“It has” you reply was quiet, timid almost as you allowed yourself to be wrapped in his warm arms.
Taeyang was always the soft, mellow one out of all of them. He never said much but he didn’t have to, his kind actions always spoke for him.
You gave him a small smile as you pulled back, he responded by rubbing the top of your head, like you would a child before walking off and sitting at the table with the others.
A Smile formed on your lips as you watched them converse, Seung hyun was finally looking like himself again amongst his brothers.
It had taken three days for the both of you to be comfortable with each other again, three days filled with silence, crying and holding one another. Although you shared a strong bond before everything happened, this time felt different, it felt more, intimate. The time you spent laying in his bed with him, staring into each other’s eyes, letting unspoken truths and sorrys go by had your heart racing in your chest. At first, you were reluctant to stay, these moments often resulting in you breaking down and crying and making you want to run and hide again. But he always brought you back when he would reach out and pull you close to him, as if he knew you wanted to run but wouldn’t let you.
He was slowly but surely breaking down your walls, the ones you had built because of him, because of everything that happened after he and the others left your life. It made you wonder if it was really him that needed you or was it you that needed him.
“So Noona, what have you been up to since we last saw you? Tell us everything we missed and don’t you dare leave a single thing out, I want to know all the juicy details” Seungri asked with a wide smile and a hearty laugh.
Your eyes dropped to your glass as you twirled the stem with your fingertips.
“You don’t have to answer him, he’s always sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong” Jiyong said while flashing a smirk in Seungri’s direction, adding an extra dimension of insult to his comment.
“It’s ok but there isn’t really much to tell”
“Well, what do you do for work? I assume you’re not still working at that bar..”
“She’s not” Seung hyun said almost immediately after Taeyang asked you the question, the group went quiet, his eyes darted to you and then down at his own glass. His reply making everyone aware to the fact he had checked up you at some point.
“Actually, I’m currently working on my second book”
“You’re a writer? Since when?” Daesung asked clearly shocked, his expression making you giggle
“About a year after I last saw you guys” you replied dropping your head, the atmosphere in the room changed, you could feel the heaviness from your comment hovering.
“So what was your first book? Anything we might have read?” Taeyang asked as he took a sip of his wine, you silently thanked him for trying to lighten the mood.
“Ahh I don’t think so, It’s sort of a love story that never got to happen” you replied as you went back to play with your glass.
“What’s it called?” Jiyong asked, his eyes narrowing at you, his action making you a little nervous.
“Crossed stars”
Jiyong almost jumped out of his seat as he pointed at you and shouted “I knew it, I fucking knew it as soon as you said what it was about”
“You’ve read it?” you asked wide eyed and mouth agape.
“Are you kidding me? Have you never heard the songs I’ve written? It was a tragic love story, of course I read it” he leaned back in his chair, his eyes gleaming as he ran his hand through his hair. “Yah, I can’t believe you wrote it. Don’t get me wrong, I love you Noona but I really never thought you could write like that”
“Neither did I but I kind of started writing and it all just, poured out”
“Ugh, I loved that story. I kept hoping for them to get together and right when I thought they finally sorted their shit out, he goes and fucks it up” Jiyong said with frustration lacing his voice while he looked at the man sat next to you.
You looked at Seung hyun, his eyes darting between you and Jiyong as he held a awkward smile. His expression making you wonder if he had read it or not or if he had just picked up on where you got your inspiration from.
As the night went on, you became more comfortable. The way you were all joking and laughing with one another reminding you of old times.
“Noona, wanna roast marshmallows with me?” Taeyang shouted from the other side of the roaring bonfire, that famous squinty smile all over his face as he held up a pack of marshmallows.
You returned his smile with a nod of your head, how could you refuse such a cute invitation.
You grabbed your blanket and made your way over, making sure to keep your distance from Seung hyun. Things had calmed down since your night spent out in the forest but it still felt as though you were walking on eggshells around him and Jangmi, you had a sneaking suspicion they had had a fight about him being in your room and you really didn’t want to make things worse for him or you.
Halfway around the bonfire, you were stopped by Jangmi stepping in front of you.
“I wanted to say sorry for how I spoke to you the other day” she said as she placed her hand on your shoulder.
You looked at her hand before looking back at her “It’s ok…”
“No, it’s not. You’re a big part of Seung hyun’s life and I really want us to get along”
You chewed your lip as you stared at her, you really weren’t convinced by her words or her acting but you knew you had to try, for the sake of your friendship with Seung hyun. If you didn’t make up with her, you might end up losing him for good.
“Really Jangmi, It’s fine” you said with a reassuring smile, her own face mimicked yours, returning the smile you gave her before continuing.
“So no hard feelings?” she asked as she held out a cup for you to take, you hesitated and your smile faltered as your eyes darted between her and the cup she was holding. “For Oppa?”
“For Seung hyun” you replied, restoring your smile that had faded seconds ago as you took the drink.
The smile she was holding changed slightly as she watched you take a sip of the sickly sweet drink, almost looking like one of that when a villain reveals themselves in a movie. Your distrust in her was screaming at you but you ignored it, you needed to make things better for Seung hyun.
Without a word, she disappeared from her spot in front of you. You watched as she sat down next to Seung hyun and give him a kiss on the cheek. He looked up at you and gave you a nod, a gesture to say thank you for being nice before he gave his attention to her, he put his arm around her and pulled her into his side, her head resting on his shoulder as he did.
Your heart felt like it were crumbling in your chest as you watched them, a feeling you had felt many times before, you should have been used to it by now but you weren’t. You couldn’t help but think ‘why her?’ and ‘why not me?’
You closed your eyes, attempting to rid the thoughts and images from your mind. You needed to try, for your own sanity, you needed to forget everything. You took another sip as you made your way to sit with Taeyang, his half crescent moon eyes smiling at you once you were there.
“She’s sure changed her tune” Taeyang said, giving you a nudge with his elbow as you sat on the log next to him.
“Hmm, I feel like she’s up to something” you replied as your eyes drifted back to her, your face scrunching up in disgust at how sickly sweet she was being to Seung hyun.
“Hey, don’t worry about her. You just sip on your drink and chill out while we roast marshmallows”
“Fine” you sighed before taking yet another big sip.
“Jangmi doesn’t exist over here, only the cool kids are allowed”
You stopped halfway through taking your sip to give him a sideways glance at his dorky comment, he grinned back at you, his face telling you that you were giving him the reaction that he wanted.
Twenty minutes had past, you’d finished your drink and you were a giggling mess while you played with the burnt marshmallow stuck to the end of your stick.
“What’s going on over here?” Jiyong asked with a smile as he wandered over to you.
“I think she’s drunk” Taeyang chuckled as he watched you fall off your seat and plop to the ground.
“Did someone have a little too much to drink?” Jiyong asked raising his eyebrows and crouching beside you.“No” you pouted back at him, causing a deep chuckle from him.
“Ah, you’re so cute Noona” he said with a smirk as he brushed hair away from your face.
You looked away from him, your eyes focusing on your fingers that were still playing with the stick “Jiyong oppa…”
“Hmm? Did you just call me oppa?”
You looked up at him to see his eyes wide but his face still bright as he looked back at you. You smiled back at him, your nose scrunching slightly as you nodded to his question.
“I want to call you oppa from now”
He licked his lips as he looked away, his teeth sinking into his lip as he thought about something before he turned back to you.
“I’m ok with that but on one condition”
You smiled wickedly at him before you answered “Anything for my Oppa”
He laughed as he dropped his head down and shook it “Aish” he exclaimed before looking back up at you. “You’re playing a dangerous game here, you know”
“I know” you replied, keeping the wicked smile. “So what’s the condition?”
“You have to let me call you Kitten at all times”
“Ok, Oppa” you giggled back at him.
“Ah Kitten, you’re a mess” he said as he helped you up to sit back on the log.
He sat beside you, his side pressing against yours as he snaked his arm around your back and held you in place.
“Oppa, I can’t get my marshmallow off” you told him with a pout as you held out your fingers that were covered in the half melted residue that was once a soft spongy marshmallow.
“Ah, this won’t do” he said with a tisk as he inspected your fingers. “I can’t have my Kittens fingers in such a mess, now Oppa’s going to have to clean it up for you” he continued with a wink before grabbing your hand, his eyes locked with yours as he took your fingers in his mouth. You started giggling like crazy as soon as you felt his tongue lapping at your fingers, the action causing a ticklish sensation and your legs to kick at the ground as you tried not to scream with laughter.
“Oppa! Jiyong! Stop!” you shouted unable to take it anymore.
A loud cough followed shortly after, making you look in it’s direction. Seung hyun was staring at you, his jaw tight and his nostrils flared as he pulled his bottom lip in. You quickly pulled your fingers out off Jiyong’s mouth and wiped them off on your jacket.
Here you were again, worry about what he thought was going on while he was sat there with his girlfriend. You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as you thought about it, about how he wasn’t yours and he never would be.
“Kitten, are you ok?” Jiyong asked from beside you, his eyes darting around your face with concern.
“I’m fine, I just need to lay down” you replied as you rubbed at your temples and stood up. A sudden rush came over you, making you stumble.
“Let me help you” Jiyong said as he grabbed you, helping you stand upright.
“You’ve done enough” you bit at him before you walked off towards the house.
You could feel yourself getting dizzy and disorientated, you couldn’t understand why, you hadn’t had a drink all night but the way you were acting and felt, said differently. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by trees mixed with pitch black. You looked back, the faint glow of the bonfire appearing through cracks off black.
“Fuck” you exclaimed with a stumble, your hand reaching out to grab at the closest tree to right yourself.
“What the fuck are you doing out here?” Seung hyun growled making you jump and your hand to scrape down the bark of the tree that was holding you up.
“I…”
“And what the fuck was that back there with Jiyong?” he shouted again cutting you off.
“Please stop yelling at me Oppa” you strained as you began to break down, your confused state as to what was happening to you was taking its toll.
He let out a loud sigh before he grabbed you and pulled you into him “Don’t cry”
“Why not? You hate me” you said as you tried to push him away.
“I don’t hate you Princess”
“Yes you do. You don’t see me anymore and the only time you’ve spoken to me on this trip is to yell at me”
“I’m sorry for yelling”
“Why do you hate me?” you asked as you pulled back from him, your back hitting the tree you were holding a moment ago as you looked at him through tear strained eyes.
“I don’t hate you” he replied as he stepped towards you, his hand brushing at your cheek. “I could never hate you”
You couldn’t stop yourself in your disorientated state, your face nuzzled into his hand as yours cupped it, a small sigh escaping your lips as you did.
“Please, don’t do that” he murmured, his eyes darted around your face.
“I miss you” you said as you grasped his jacket with your free hand and pulled him closer.
“Princess…” he called, his forehead coming to rest on yours, his eyes boring straight through you.
You could feel your breath getting heavy, you had had him this close so many times and let your opportunity pass, you weren’t going to let it happen again.
You snaked your hand around the back of his neck and pulled him in, your lips attaching straight to his. It felt like electricity coursing through you from where his lips met yours, it was everything you had imagined it would be and more. His thumb moved, caressing at the flesh of your cheek as he groaned, his body pressing against yours, trapping you against the tree.
“Oppa” a voice called in the distance, bringing you back to reality as Seung hyun pulled away from you.
He looked back at you, his expression stunned. “Coming Jagi”
“Don’t, don’t go” you begged, the tears straining your eyes once again.
“I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened, we shouldn’t have done that” he said quietly as he backed away, he turned his back to you “Please don’t ever do that again”
Your tears began to flow as you watched him just walk away, his frame disappearing into the trees and leaving you alone in the darkness that surrounded you.
Your legs gave out beneath you, your body dropping to the ground as you clutched at the stabbing pain in your chest. He did it, he finally did it.
You showed him your feelings and he ripped the heart that beats vigorously for him right out of your chest.
“Princess?” Seung hyun calling broke you out of the memory.
“Sorry” you replied with a smile as you wiped away the single tear that managed to escape before helping him clean up the mess the others had left behind.
“What’s wrong?” he asked placing down the pile of plates he had acquired.
“Nothing, it’s nothing”
He took the glasses from your hands and placed them back on the table before forcing you to turn and face him. “Tell me”
“It’s nothing, really” you replied, trying to brush it off, trying to brush him off but he wasn’t having it.
“No, tell me, tell me all the things you ever wanted to say but never did”
You looked down at your hands, you weren’t sure if this really was the right time to do this. You had only just started to become comfortable with him again, you’d only just allowed yourself to open up and in reality, it was only a crack. One small crack in the wall you had built to protect yourself from the world.
“I want you to tell me, I want to know what’s bothering you, I want to know everything about you and more this time”
You looked up at him, his face sincere as he stared back at you. A million thoughts ran through your mind but only one stuck out in the flooded mess. “Why her?”
Seung hyun let out an audible sigh before answering “Because she was there”
You furrowed your brow at his words, a mix of confusion and anger mashed together as you lost it “Because she was there? What the hell kind of answer is that? There were others that were there”
“No there wasn’t”
“Yes there was, there was always girls surrounding you but you never took the time to notice them”
“I noticed, I always noticed”
The anger rose with in you as your mind flooded with everything you had been struggling with, with all the shit you went through because of her. “Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t be serious” you said shaking your head as you pushed him away.
“Princess…”
“Are you honestly telling me right now that i went through all of that, that I lost everything precious to me because of someone that was just there?”
He didn’t say a word, he just looked back at you with a pitiful expression.
You couldn’t control yourself anymore, all the hatred you had held for him and what happened came pouring out of you. “How could you do this? How could you put me through this over nothing? For nothing more then getting your dick wet” you screamed as you began hitting at his chest, he didn’t stop you, he just closed his eyes as he let you take your frustrations out on him. “Don’t just stand there, do something, for once in your pathetic fucking life, do something” you screamed, giving him a shove.
He stumbled back, his eyes snapped open revealing the tears his was about to shed. “I’m sorry”
“Sorry? That’s all you have to say?”
“I’m sorry” he repeated as his tears finally broke. “I deserve your hate for what I did, for what I let her do. I knew… I knew all along that I never loved her…”
Before he could finish, you reach out and slapped him with so much force that his head snapped to the side.
“I hate you” you body shook as you screamed at him.
You could feel the crack sealing itself back up again, the last three days had meant nothing. You let out a frustrated scream before turning to walk away, you were done, there was nothing left here for you.
He grabbed you and pulled you back to him. “Let me go” you yelled as you lunged out at him again.
“Hit me all you want but please don’t go” his croaky words caused your body to shake more violently, your emotions clawing their way out of you with such force that your legs gave out. He picked up on it straight away, his arm came down and scooped up your legs before he carried you back to the bedroom as you sobbed into his chest.
He didn’t let you go, he laid down, leaving you on top of him as he held onto you tightly. Your fingers grasped at his shirt, trying to control yourself but it wasn’t any good. One of his hands came up and brushed the hair at the back of your head, attempting to sooth you.
“Why?” you managed to weakly push out between sobs.
“Because I couldn’t be alone….” he answered almost as equally as weak, his hand still brushing at your hair.
“Why not?”
You felt his chest rise and fall dramatically as he let out a sigh, like he was trying to calm himself but the erratic beating in his chest told you otherwise.
“Because, if I were alone, I wouldn’t have been able to control myself around you any longer. I didn’t want to ruin what we had, I didn’t want to put you through the crazy things I think and feel or the life I lead. I didn’t want the media or my fans to get their hands on you and ruin your pure soul. I couldn’t let you be torn to shreds by them because of me”
Your sobs had stopped at his words but your tears remained at his heartfelt words, even though you didn’t fully understand them.
“What are you saying?”
“I loved you, I always did and I still do”
You froze at his confession, out of all the possibilities of why he was with her, this one never once crossed your mind.
“I didn’t want to fuck things up, I didn’t want to fuck this up but in the end, I did anyway”
Your heart skipped a beat followed by a wave of sadness washing over you, thinking of all that could have been, of all the missed moments of the last few years and the years that you let pass by without saying a word to him.
“I’m sorry for hurting you” he whispered into the dark.
Silence ensued, you stayed laid in his arms for what felt like hours before he eventually fell asleep. Finally feeling as though you could breath, you sat back and watched him as he slept. Even though he was sleeping soundly, there was a look of unease on his face.
You reached up, your hand tracing the edges of his face before shifting to his lips. He stirred, furrowing his brow as his hands grasped at you and pulled you closer.
Laying your head back on his chest, you stared at the wall, your mind filling with what he had said. Your heart pounded against your ribs when you recalled his confession.
So what next? Should you start again or continue from where you left off? Stay friends or would you start a relationship?
Panic came over you with the last thought, he had confessed his feelings for you, he told you he wanted to know more about you this time, he was obviously wanting more than being just friends.
You suddenly felt suffocated in his arms that held you as fear dug its filthy claws in again. Tears started to fall from your eyes, your breathing heavy as you slipped out of his embrace and out of his room.
You couldn’t do this, you weren’t ready for this. You weren’t ready to be with him, to have a relationship.
“I’m sorry” you called out to nothing before slipping out the front door and back out of his life.
Moodboard made by @fantasyworldbb
A/N ~ Ok my little pets, we about to get angsty. *shouts* prepare the tissues hehe. oh and @tabis-eyebrows enjoy my darling, this is all for you xoxox
Theme ~ Friends AU
Pairing ~ Choi Seunghyun X Reader
Rated ~ Angst
A sharp pain in your neck woke you, you groaned as you lifted your hand and rubbed at the sore spot. Panic washed over you when you opened your eyes and looked around at the unfamiliar room, that was, until you looked down. Seung hyun was sound asleep, his body curved around your legs and his head still in your lap.
You sighed, letting your head drop back onto the bed as you tried to stop the burning in your eyes. It felt like a mistake allowing Jiyong to talk you into coming here, Seung hyun was fragile and you were cold, you could end up doing more damage than good and you didn’t want to do that to him.
The burning intensified as you remembered what he was going to say before you cruelly cut him off, he was going to say he should have chosen you over Jangmi but in what context, you weren’t sure and you didn’t want to clarify. It would be easier to go on, being dead to everything around you if you didn’t know, if you let yourself believe it was just about your friendship and nothing else.
But for one second, you allowed yourself to think it was different, that he meant he should have been with you instead of her. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought before heat rushed through you and fear sunk its claws in once more, it hurt. You didn’t want this, not again. You didn’t want to relive the feeling of your heart being full yet empty at the same time, to have him so close but just out of reach.
Your head snapped up, your hands gingerly moving his head and unwrapping his arms from your legs, trying not to wake him. You didn’t want to face him, you didn’t want to speak to him or hear him speak, it was too much, it was too soon. You put your hands behind you on the bed and slowly pulled yourself up, your legs left with no feeling from having his dead weight on you for so many hours making you hiss lightly as you stood. You took a moment, allowing the blood to rush back through them and the feeling to come back enough for you to walk without stomping your feet.
You took a step, your heart was racing, you felt like you were losing a piece of yourself all over again. You lifted your other foot, the racing in your chest quickened as you moved it further away from him. You placed it on the ground, your heart stopping when you felt something brush your ankle. The burning in your eyes started up again when you looked down and saw his hand clasped around your leg.
“Please don’t go” his raspy voice lightly called through the room followed by a sniffle, he was crying again.
You closed your eyes, tears rolling down your cheeks, this wasn’t the first time he had asked you this in the same tone as he was now.
You woke up shivering, your body freezing cold, your breath visible in the crisp morning air. The sounds of birds chirping caused a throbbing in your head, it was as if they were screaming at you. You shifted, something fell to the ground with a thud. You looked down to see the empty whiskey bottle lying in the dirt, you groaned as you stood, the throbbing in your head worsening the more elevated you were.
You had stayed out all night, hidden away in the tree line by the lake. You didn’t mean too, you wanted to stay away until they went to bed, until he went to bed. You just wanted to be left alone so you could get drunk and cry without getting a million and one questions or making him feel bad. But they didn’t stopcalling out for you, he wouldn’t stop calling your name, using different tactics as he tried and failed each time to get you to come out.
By the time you had reached the bottom of the bottle, you looked over at the house to see almost every light on, the brightness casting a dark shadow of him from the front step out onto the ground. And that was the last thing you remembered until you woke up.
You were still angry, angry at him for letting her do that to you in front of everyone, mad at yourself for allowing her and it to get to you. You acted like a child running away from home but no matter how much you wanted to come out, no matter how badly you wanted to apologise for your actions, your stubbornness wouldn’t allow you.
You kept your face cold as you stepped back inside the house, quietly slipping your shoes off at the front door before going into the lounge to get to the stairs and to the solitude of your room.
“Noona, thank god” Jiyong said with relief as he stood and made his way over.
Before he could reach you, he was pushed out of the way, an angry looking Seung hyun taking his place as he yelled “Where the fuck have you been all night?”. You tried to ignore him and keep walking but he stepped in front of you, blocking your path. “Do you have any idea how fucking worried we have been?”
You kept your cold face as you looked up at him and said “I didn’t think you cared”
“Don’t be stupid” he spat as he furrowed his brows.
His words struck a nerve, you were done, you’d had enough of his name calling, his yelling at you and his behaviour. “You won’t have to worry about my stupidity for much longer” you said before stepping around him and heading to the stairs “I’m leaving”
“What are you talking about?” He yelled after you but you ignored him andcontinued up the stairs. “Stop. Don’t walk away from me” you could hear him yelling when you got to the top. Again, you ignored him and went to your room, slamming the door behind you. You couldn’t help it, he had made you so angry, made you feel as if it was over nothing and that you were the one in the wrong.
You grabbed your bag and chucked it on the bed before heading to the dresser and grabbing your clothes to throw them in the bag. The door flung open, you refused to look up, you knew it was him.
“You’re really going to do this?” His words were still laced with anger and you still ignored him, proceeding to get your clothes out and roughly throw them in your bag. “No. Enough. You’re not leaving” he growled as he grabbed your bag right when you were about to put the next pile in.
“Give me my bag” you said calmly, still refusing to look at him.
“No. I won’t let you leave”
“Give me my fucking bag” your words were rougher, more demanding as you threw the clothes on the bed.
“No. I don’t want you to leave, it’s been so long since I last saw you”
“And who’s fault is that Seung Hyun? Certainly not mine” you spat as you finally looked up at him. He was standing there, dumbfounded as he stared back at you. “I made time for you, I always make time for you but you never make time for me, not anymore”
“You know I can’t just drop everything whenever I want to, I have responsibilities”
“And what about after your responsibilities? Huh?”
“I…”
“You still don’t have time, you’re still too busy. If you don’t want to see me, that’s fine but stop acting like you do”
“Princess…”
“Stop calling me that” you screamed, your hands tangling in your hair and yanking at it as if you were trying to pull out the memory of his pet name for you.
“Stop it. Stop this” he begged desperately as he grabbed your hands.
You hit his hands away as you yelled “No. You stop. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep letting you in. Can’t you see you’re hurting me?”
“I’m sorry”
“Sorry for what? For the way you manhandled me yesterday? Or for the names you called me? How about when you said that Jiyong shouldn’t have invited me here? Or are you feeling guilty for allowing her to speak to me like that in front my friends while you sat there like a fucking coward?” you were so angry that you took a swing at his chest with your last word.
He caught your arm before it hit him, his hand tangling in yours, lacing your fingers together as he said softly “I’m sorry for all of it and the things I haven’t done yet”
“I hate you” you scowled as you lunged with your free hand but he caught it again and pulled you into him.
“No you don’t” he said with a smile as his hand tucked your hair behind your ear.
Your eyes darted between his, how close he was was making your breathing ragged and your heart race. “No…. I don’t” you whispered as if someone could hear you, his face flattened, his eyes and his breath mimicking yours. His eyes dropped to your lips and you could hear your heart thumping in your ears, you weren’t sure what was happening but whatever it was, you didn’t want it to stop.
“Stay….. Please….?” his hot breath lapped at your face, your eyes closing on their own as you inched your face closer.
“I….” you dropped your head, remembering why you wanted to leave in the first place, remembering he had a girlfriend. “I don’t think it’s a good idea”
His hand slipped under your chin and lifted your head, his eyes watering as he begged “Please don’t go”
You furrowed your brow at him, your eyes filling with liquid at the sight of his. “Ok”
“Oppa?” Jangmi’s voice called from the door and snapping you back to reality.
Seung hyun stepped back, his eyes still locked with yours as he called out. “I’m coming jagiya”
A tear rolled down your cheek when he said it, he stood there staring at you, his jaw clenching as he watched the tear fall. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before stepping away and walking out.
Why? Why did you let him do this? Why did you always let him do this?
“Princess, please?” he begged tightening his grip around your leg.
“It’s…. Too much” you voice was croaky as you tried to hold back the tears so he wouldn’t know you were crying.
“No, don’t say that”
“I’m sorry…I…”
“No” he cried out as he let your leg go and stood up, stumbling, he reached out and grabbed your arm. His body fell to the bed bringing you with him, his arms held you tightly as soon as you fell on top of him. “I won’t let you leave, not again”.
You didn’t want to give into him but your body gave up once his scent hit you, it had been five years but he still smelled the same, a mix of cologne and cigarettes. The burning in your eyes intensified, your body caving into him as it shook slightly. He tightened his grip, his voice whispering as it broke at the same time “It’s ok, It’ll be ok now”
Your fingers twisted in his shirt, clenching the material as hard as you could as the pain you felt finally flowed out of you.
